these are the questions i struggle with

Question: one of my students is struggling

with his bipolar and his depression and you know that app thing that gently reminds you to do things like brush your teeth and take your meds and give yourself rewards for the little-big things?

I can’t remember/find what it’s called – can yall remind me so I can send him the info, please?

Thank you sooooooo much <3 <3 <3 <3

anonymous asked:

I was wondering if I could ask you something, because I am horribly inarticulate and have a lot of difficulty expressing emotion in my words. I enjoy reading your blog because you express all the feelings I have trouble communicating in such a clear and effective way. What is it that you think makes Skam special? Why do so many people connect with it so strongly? I'm trying to tell a friend via text, yet I'm not doing the show justice.

anon!! thank youuuu 💕💕💕

also ummm okay this is kind of a loaded question bc there’s a lot that makes skam special to me? the biggest is how real it feels, but there’s so much that goes into achieving that that it’s kind of meaningless to just leave it there so like. it’s everything? it’s the way the show builds narrative pov and uses those povs to explore personal and genuine struggles in a way that never feels cheesy or manufactured bc you’re so deep in that character’s head that you feel them, rather than just having them told to you in exposition and dialogue about What’s Right and What’s Wrong in a Very Special Episode. it’s the way the show respects teenagers, both as its focal characters and as its audience, and treats their conflicts as legitimate, their persons as intelligent and capable, their lives as experienced for all that they’re still learning. it’s the way it loves its characters enough to let them fuck up and to then give them room to grow, to push them to do so, and how that ties back to its understanding of teenage life and what that encompasses. it’s the innovative way it uses real-time narrative delivery to naturally build tension and suspense, as well as to strengthen the immersive effect of its story by literally pulling you into these moments, whether they’re clips or texts or an instagram feed, as these characters are seeing them. it’s the way all of that combines to form a show that is so intensely, wonderfully focused on delivering character through experience: the main’s experiences, yes, but also the experience we as the audience have of watching them, of talking to each other, of getting the opportunity to share and learn between the moments of the show so that we might understand both those moments and ourselves better.

i guess if i had to sum it up, the best thing about skam is its characters and the way it builds them and treats their perspectives. there are so many really cool things about the shift between main povs between seasons and what that shows about skam’s ability to construct distinct and immersive narrative povs, but i think the coolest thing, and one that we don’t talk about enough, is the implication there: that everyone has a valuable perspective, and that everyone’s life holds something in it we could learn from. that’s a beautiful idea, a beautiful conceit for a narrative, and skam executes it beautifully. everyone has a story. everyone’s perspective is worth stepping into. everyone has something to learn, and everyone has something to teach, and it’s a necessary part of human growth that we recognize that more.

anonymous asked:

What do you think it is about Renfrew that makes ppl realize they are gay?

omg i love this question lmao

i mean i’m like….57% joking when i say that, but also not bc look…eating disorders in the gay community are definitely a Thing…u have to consider how much things like being closeted, coming out, figuring out sexual identity, any time of discrimination u might encounter, etc…affect mental health. and it does, greatly. and then u have things like trauma, as well as feeling discomfort (with or without said trauma) in ur given body, ie i know i struggle with the idea of having a stereotypical “female” body very much and in general i think body image is a huge thing in both communities, so when they intersect its even more prominent 

so then u throw urself into a community like a residential treatment center (renfrew specifically being woman only) where u are surrounded by woman + away from home + coping without ur eating disorder + then talking about Deep, Vulnerable things, making connections, discovering things abt urself in therapy, etc. u live with these people so it’s like…connections and attraction are bound to happen and for some people, that’s the first time they might feel it (or feel it so intensely bc connections and experiences in such a small timeline tend to be like 20x more intense, imo)

renfrew specifically though…had a very summer camp type feel that kind of added to the gayfest lmao…like my roommates @ one point were sleeping in the same bed at night and no one said anything. people openly planned to move in together after discharging, sometimes when they were both not in very good places, all of that questionable stuff. i know i personally developed some very unhealthy relationships at certain points, just due to how close ppl got, but it also helped me a ridiculous amount re: learning boundaries and working on codependent tendencies (and now i cringe looking back @ 95% of my experiences there, but the other 5%…and even those horribly embarrassing ones…really shaped me as a person so idk, its a weird feeling)

anyway that was really all over the place but basically: everyone is gay (just kidding) (just getting a head start on the ‘all u talk about is being gay’ messages) 

anonymous asked:

Hi! I don't know if you've already written about this so if you did, feel free to ignore my question! I believe it is canon that Hannibal is in love with Will but struggle to see it as reciprocal. If unrequited, isn't the story ultimately a variation of the old and kinda derogatory tale "non-straight guy falls for straight male friend" and is doomed to pine forever because straight friend will never love him back in *that* (erotic, sensual, sexual, you name it) way? What do you think?

“If unrequited”… that’s a pretty big if! Like you I tend to stress Will as an oppositional force in his relationship with Hannibal. His reluctance and resistance are so very important to me! But I still find it mighty hard, outright impossible really, to declare outright that Hannibal’s love for Will is unrequited. While it’s debatable whether Will returns Hannibal’s love in kind, it seems to me incontrovertible that he does return it in his own way. That’s the problem for Will. If he didn’t return Hannibal’s love, his life would be ten million times easier. So the equivalent tale wouldn’t be ‘non-straight guy falls for straight friend;’ it’d be something more along the lines of ‘non-straight guy falls for tormented, closeted friend.’

Hannibal is definitely doomed to pine – and personally I thank god for it everyday – but that’s due to the fact that the demands he makes of Will as a partner are so impossible for Will to comply with. Those demands don’t spring from Hannibal’s sexuality or the hot burning fire of his love – maybe then it would fit into the mold of the derogatory trope (TV Tropes calls it “gayngst”) in which a non-straight man is depicted as predatory and undeserving of affection? Hannibal’s demands are mostly concerning aestheticized murder. He commits acts of cruelty that he sees as beautiful, and he wants Will to join him in committing those acts together. If Will were to embrace and accept Hannibal, he’d have to embrace and accept the very real, very present part of himself that relishes in brutal violence, and Will just can’t do that, even though Hannibal is convinced he’d be a happier person for it.

I’m leery of trying to use analysis to make stories conform to tropes, derogatory or otherwise, because I am a big believer that a good story is ALWAYS going to push against the confines of a trope. A good story should be so jam-packed with complexity, ambiguity, and contradictory character motivation that it can’t be pigeon-holed into a simple logline of ‘older man loves a younger man who can’t love him back.’ But good stories are often aware of the tropes they intersect with, and can even play off of them for artistic effect. Hannibal’s Florentine moping in S3 has self-conscious shades of gayngst. Hannibal transforms himself into a deliberate stereotype in a fit of petulant spite – he does Death in Venice except it’s Death in Florence. It’s romantic and absurd. There isn’t enough Montrachet in the world for Bedelia to cope with that.

And then there’s fanfic, which does all sorts of interesting things with familiar tropes. For instance in Greatest Show (self-pimpery of hiatus-fic, whoops!), Hannibal pines for Will with the force of a shimmering supernova; it’s real, but it also becomes a performance to which he’s inviting other people to react. And because other people don’t understand Hannibal and Will’s relationship, they have only the familiar trope to guide them. Thus gayngst becomes a framework for how Hannibal himself wants that relationship perceived. He sees the trope, he works the trope, it’s just one of many tools he can use to manipulate people and shape his ends. I think if you as a writer have a perspective on a trope, if you’re cultivating an angle, then you’re already haring towards something socially conscious and original.

last post i’m gonna make but ever since sana and isak’s s3 interactions, i had a feeling s4 would be sana’s and that she’d struggle with her faith. religion is obviously something extremely important to her but it’s also undeniable that it raises conflict within her friendships & now that yousef was revealed to not be muslim, i think she may start questioning or struggling with her faith seeing as it’s separating her from the people she cares about.

McSpirk

Heya, peeps! A question for y’all - Do you love all three combinations of McSpirk (Spirk, Spones, McKirk) equally or do you have a favorite of the three? I’ll admit that I do favor one more than the others and if I were to list it them in order of preference then:

1) McKirk
2) Spones
3) Spirk

I love McKirk to the point that I struggle a bit if I (for example) switch over to read a Spirk fanfic after reading McKirk. Other that I prefer TOS!Spones over AOS, but I AOS!McKirk over TOS, its a bit more even when it comes to Spirk but if I have to choose I think I’d go TOS (more developed). I love McSpirk equally in both AOS and TOS though.

What about you guys? :D What are your preferences?

Originally posted by fuckyeahleonardmccoy

anonymous asked:

Is it common to go non-verbal only during particularly intense emotional conversations or when asked particularly intense emotional questions? My verbal language is fine overall, but when my mother tries to get me to talk about anything that really bothers or upsets me, I can barely get a word out. It frustrates her a lot and makes her get rougher with me than she ever gets; I wish I could tell her that I'm not clamming up on purpose. Is this an autistic thing or something else, or nothing?

It’s generally very common. Allistic people also often struggle to talk about emotions, and to have intense conversations. 

It’s becoming more of an issue for you because your mother is trying to force it and that’s probably making things worse.

It might help to try to discuss it with her or write to her when things aren’t intense. You could try explaining that sometimes you find it difficult to speak about certain things, and that when she reacts negatively and tries to force it it makes things worse. Explain that it would be more helpful and might have better results if you were able to take breaks from intense conversations, and were given time to form a response in your own time (and in a way that works better for you if it would be easier at times to write things down instead of trying to say them).

anonymous asked:

Do you have any advice to someone who doesn't have many followers but still wants to show their work? How do I keep motivated to make art when I don't get notes? Did you struggle when you first started sharing your art or did people immediately liked it? Sorry for these random questions!

————–  ✧

Hey anon! No sorry needed~ We all have questions & can benefit from some advice! :) 

Advice on showing your work:

Keep reading

My therapist suggested replacing “is there anything I can do” with “what do you need” when comforting someone as the first kind of assumes you as part of the equation in helping someone which isn’t always helpful. It also kind of pressures the person suffering to kind of come up with something FOR you to do. Like I get so frustrated with that first question as a person who gets it a lot.

The second not only takes the pressure off but also might help the person really consider what their actual needs are like hey I haven’t eaten, maybe that’s a reason I feel crappy. It kinda takes the asker out of the immediate picture so the person struggling can focus on what they actually need, and then if you CAN help, you can offer it.

We’ll see if this works better!

i think a big thing that disconcerts adults about learning new skills is that learning as an adult means you are very aware of how bad you are at the beginning in a way children aren’t.

i picked up the saxophone when i was 11 and played until i was about 17. by the end of it i was first chair in our highest ensemble, a district honor band player, etc. but at the beginning – and this is important – i was bad. for the first year or so, i had no rhythm, i couldn’t make my tongue line up with my fingers, i was consistently sharp, etc. etc. other kids actually made fun of me for my lack of skill.

but 11 year old me didn’t care. 11 year old me practiced, but she also thought that being able to play the pink panther made her incredible (i shudder in retrospect). i mean, i was aware i wasn’t a master, but my skill level didn’t deter me from wailing out those notes in a way that i’m sure had my band director questioning his career decisions.

right now, i’m trying to pick up the guitar. it’s a very different instrument from the saxophone, and i struggle a lot with things like strumming patterns and barre chords. and sometimes i don’t want to play, because i know i’m bad at guitar. and sometimes i beat myself up when stumbling through a poor acoustic rendition of Everybody Wants to Rule the World because it’s not how i want it to sound. and it’s made even more frustrating because i can navigate the saxophone so smoothly.

but then i remember that i have to think like a kid. i might not be the best at guitar by any stretch of the imagination, but every little bit of progress is still progress. humility is a big part of learning, but if you treat a practice session like your own private concert, it becomes so much more fun, even if you’re bad like i am.  when you’re first picking up a skill, whether it be an instrument, or a language, or a fine art, no one is expecting you to be the yo yo ma of that thing. forget about how little you know about the skill and think instead about how much you have to learn – that’s fun! do your best!!

realizing you’re on the ace spectrum like

“I’d hit that.” “You… you don’t even know them though??”

“Oh come on, everyone has a list of celebrities they’d totally have sex with if they had a chance.” “Haha yeah ok” *internally* what

"Ya so like for the past few years I’ve felt zero attraction to people I wasn’t friends with first?? Lol what’s up with that”

Why did you have to have sex with them?? Couldn’t you just hold it?? Like pee??

“You’ll meet someone who makes you feel like that someday, don’t worry” “……sounds fake but ok”

“Sex is an important part of a relationship! Everyone has sexual needs!” “….sounds fake but ok”

“Dude that girl is so hot” “I know right?? Look at her fucking eyeliner. Goals. The fuck.” “No I meant like… look at that ass” “Are we looking at the same person are you really focussing on her ass look at how visually appealing her outfit is and dont you dare fuckin tell me that eyeliner isnt fierce as hell

“Aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things” *puzzle pieces vERY RAPIDLY FALLING INTO PLACE*

*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning* i could die a virgin and i would regret absolutely nothing

“What’s your ideal girl like?” “Uh… my best friend?” “Oh cute, you want your girlfriend to be the one who knows you best!” “No I meant I am literally only attracted to my best friend she is my ideal girl please help I am dying”

“We’ve been dating for six months and we still haven’t had sex!!” “Have you marathoned Star Wars together yet?” “Yeah we did that like two weeks ago” “Well what more do you want

*thinking about an attractive woman* *dissecting my entire personality and sexuality to figure out why I’m attracted to her this time* is it the muscles. Oh my god is this a sex thing. Oh my god what the hell is this. Oh my god what the fuck is the wtf the fuck the fUCK

*Next day* Zarya could punch me in the face while eating me out and I’d let her but only because she’s a fictional character and therefore could literally never do that

*writing fanfic* ONLY CLOSE FRIENDS HAVE SEX BC ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE TO ME

(why is that tho. maybe i should look into that *doesnt look into it*)

“What do you find most attractive in a girl?” “Gotta love those strong emotional bonds” “No I meant like what’s a turn-on for you?” “DID I McFUCKING STUTTER”

*staring at the ceiling at two-thirty in the morning again* sexual attraction should be added to the cryptid wikia

“Yeah sex sounds like a great stress reliever and a nice way to strengthen the bonds between you and your partner(s)” “Well there’s more to it than that…” *The Arctic Monkey’s Do I Wanna Know starts playing in my head* “Haha ok buddy”

"There’s more to being ace than just not being interested in having sex or not feeling sexual attraction. In fact there’s a whole spectrum. You may even feel sexual attraction sometimes but still be ace. You can also be gay and ace at the same time.” “…bro.” “Also it’s totally normal.” *sobbing* “…bro. Bro there are words for it there’s an entire list oh my god-”

“-finally.”

9

magnus playing with his rings

anonymous asked:

Hi Alice, odd question but: Do you believe asexuals belong in the LGBT community? I have a friend who identifies this way, but as a trans girl, I'm struggling to understand how she has to go through the same things as an LGBT person by being asexual. And struggle aside, I don't even see how asexuality is THAT different from heterosexuality, just with more... hesitation!? Maybe this sounds rude, but I know you've written about asexual people etc, and I wondered what you thought. No shade intended

Hi there. I’m glad you reached out to me about this because you must have really upset your friend by saying stuff like this to them.

It’s easy to see why not only cishet people, but also LGBT+ people, think that asexuality is fake. The world is awash with sex and sexual attraction. It’s everywhere. And everyone is supposed to want it and feel it. It’s so extremely normalised that the idea that someone could be literally UNABLE to feel sexual attraction is, to many people, absolutely bizarre and a joke.

Even if you acknowledge that asexuality is real, it’s also easy to see why you would be so quick to reject and get angry at asexual people who call themselves LGBT+. Because asexual people are not like you, are they. Unless they are trans, asexuals don’t have gender troubles, and unless they experience same-gender romantic attraction, asexuals don’t experience same-gender attraction! Lesbian, bi, gay etc people can all be joined together in their experience of same gender attraction, and all trans folks, binary and non binary, can be joined together in their experience of feeing a disconnect from their assigned birth gender.

The result? No one wants asexuals near them. People can’t relate. No one else feels the way asexuals do and people don’t think they should be part of the group. They’re not the same as you.

But oh god, they are not allowed in the cishet club either.

The first thing you need to try and unlearn is that asexuality is in any way similar to heterosexuality. It’s not. It’s so, so fucking not. It’s painful how different it feels to be asexual compared to being heterosexual. Telling an ace person that asexuality isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’ is about as accurate as saying being gay isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’. Being asexual means you do not experience sexual attraction, ever. EVER. And while that might seem easy to you, it’s an extremely painful and terrifying thing to learn about yourself, in a world where everyone is expected to have an array of sexual experiences, fall in love, get married, and anyone who doesn’t do that is strange and a freak.

Learning you are asexual can be terrifying. When you realise you’ve never had a crush, when all your friends have had ten each, you are terrified. When you pass the age where people have started dating and having sex and you still feel nothing - NOTHING - you are terrified. When you think about ever falling in love and the idea disgusts you, or you think about falling in love and you crave it, god you CRAVE it, but you know you can’t ever feel that, you are terrified. When you realise you will never be able to enjoy a normal romantic/sexual relationship, the ones full of passion like you see in the movies, and people will reject you because you can’t fancy them in that way, and there’s a higher chance for you than anyone else that you will simply die alone, without love, without children - you are terrified.

You think being ace is the same as heterosexuality? You think it’s an easy thing to learn about yourself? Explain the terror, then. I’m all ears.

The fact you see asexuality as 'hesitation’ is really horrifying to me. Asexuals aren’t attracted to the opposite gender but 'hesitant’ to act on it. Asexuals DO NOT feel attraction. To anyone. It’s not a choice. It’s not a way of life. It’s not the same as celibacy out of choice, or being a 'prude’, or waiting till marriage. It is ingrained in you, just like being gay is, just like being trans is. It is a part of you that no matter how hard you try to will it away, no matter how hard you try to persuade yourself otherwise, you cannot help it. You DO NOT feel attracted to ANYONE.

And in saying all this, I fully acknowledge that asexuals do not experience the extent of oppression that other LGBT+ folks do. There are no laws regarding asexuality. Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other LGBT+ folks no doubt experience a higher level and intensity of systematic oppression to asexuals, more frequently go through hard experiences due to their orientation or gender. But since when did being LGBT+ become a competition for 'who’s the most oppressed’? Is that what LGBT+ is? You’re only allowed in the club if you’re 'oppressed enough’? If you’re 'gay enough’? If you’re 'trans enough’?

If you need persuading that asexuals do experience their own form of oppression, though, consider the number of asexuals who are coerced into sex in order to 'fix’ them. Consider the emotional pain that I have already discussed, of feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong and gross about you because you feel attracted to no one. Consider the number of asexuals who are hounded or emotionally abused by their families for failing to find partners. Consider the number of asexuals who force themselves to have sexual experiences, because it is the norm, because they don’t even know what asexuality is, because THEY think that they are just 'hesitant’, despite finding sex disgusting and feeling no desire to do it. Do you really think asexuals are just running around, free and happy and content in who they are? They aren’t. I’m not.

So go ahead. Cast aside asexuals if you want. Call them attention-seeking, call them special snowflakes. Ignore the pain they feel. Make them go through it alone, in pain, terrified of what they are. Why on earth would the LGBT+ community be a place to support people like that!?

Messages like the one you have just sent me gives me further reason to never talk about that part of myself. To just sit and cry about it at home day after day because I do not like myself. Because I feel that nobody will accept me or understand who I am. I could list the number of things people have said to me to discredit and laugh at this part of myself, but it’s people like you who make me embarrassed to talk about it, too scared to own a label and talk about it freely and openly.

I thought, going into this, that the LGBT+ community was one of total respect, understanding, and empathy. I learnt pretty quickly that it is not.

I send love to your asexual friend. I really, really do.

Disclaimer: I am very aware of the nuances of asexuality, of the differences between romantic/aesthetic/sexual attraction, but sadly it seems that many people can’t even grasp the basic concept of asexuality, so I don’t quite think they’re ready for that yet.

evakerlitvet  asked:

Hi Jo!So I'm super excited for the next ep, I'm hoping that it'll fix all of the mistakes that were made in 2x07. until that, let me sneak in a random question into your ask box: do you think malec call each other nicknames/pet names?

Hi Nitsa! Same here, I’m excited and I hope my internet here is strong enough to sustain my livestream~

I mean, we all know Magnus uses pet names with like, everybody. Biscuit here, darling there, sweetheart over at the back. So Alec isn’t surprised when he’s fumbling around the kitchen and Magnus shows up, one hand combing through bed hair and another muffling a yawn and mumbles out “what’s cooking, pumpkin?” As much as Alec thinks that’s endearing, he hates that he has to suppress the idea that he has used the nickname on one too many lovers. So the next time they’re kissing in bed; hands under each other’s shirts, long legs tangled in an organised mess and Alec slides his fingers along Magnus’ ribcage just right, tearing a breathless “Alexander” out of him, Alec steels himself. 

“I love it when you call me that,” Alec pauses, a few seconds longer, betraying the casual tone of his voice. And Magnus is astute, even when he’s seconds away from dragging Alec down towards him because his lips are not where they should be, and he drags out, voice thick as honey, “Of course, my Alexander”, with a steady gaze. And Alec knows that Magnus gets it, and he finally seals Magnus’ lips with his.

-

Alec’s awkward with nicknames. Now that he’s thinking about it, he realises that the only one whom he calls with a nickname is Izzy and doesn’t everyone call her that? Well, except Magnus; and now that he’s thinking of him, he’s troubled over whether Magnus would like to have that: a pet name. Darling? Too common, Magnus practically calls everybody that. Baby? No way, he’d rather die than have to call someone that. Mags? Alec makes a face. 

“What’s with that face? Wait, don’t tell me Izzy made this,” Jace glares at the spoonful of stew he was about to put into his mouth and his eyes dart between Alec and the pot in between them. Alec’s confused for a moment but he shakes his head and puts his spoon down, to which Jace sighs in relief and shoves the spoon into his mouth. 

“Jace, what did you call your…girlfriends? I mean, did you call each other using pet names? Does it come naturally? Like, how do you suddenly go from calling someone by name to calling them by something else? What’s that something else? How-”

“Wait, wait, wait. Slow it down, bud. Are you talking about things like babe, princess or things like that?” Alec nods solemnly at the question and Jace’s confusion suddenly turns to smugness. He was about to make a jab at that but Alec shook his head and Jace dropped it out of kindness from seeing his parabatai so troubled. He merely shrugs and offers, “Don’t think too much about it; it’s gonna come out forced if you overthink it, and yes, I can totally see you overthinking right now so don’t even deny it, I know you Alec,” Alec huffs but he takes the advice to heart and tries not to wince when he has to get his boyfriend’s attention and has to settle for “Magnus”. 

And when it finally happens, he just has to mess it up, or so he thinks, when he picks up a phone call mid-mission and in his distraction, he answers with, “Hi love, what’s up,” after which there’s a silence that’s a beat too long and Alec realises that he’s fucked up because he hasn’t even said the three words and this order is totally wrong and oh god, Magnus doesn’t feel the same yet, does he? He’s this close to flinging his phone to the furthest end of the world when Magnus clears his throat and replies, voice a little unsteady, “Well, Alexander, I love you too, if that’s what you were trying to say,” and Alec is amazed by how Magnus always knows and never in his life had he wanted to be a warlock so badly just so he could portal to right where Magnus was and kiss the stars out of him.

Like, there are so many problems with having Captain American be a Nazi (brainwashed or not.)  SO many problems. 

But one of those problems, and it’s the same reason I’m really struggling to enjoy Agents of Shield right now too, is that I just don’t know who the fuck is supposed to be enjoying this?

Like, when asked the question: “Would you have fun watching your favorite beloved heroes be Nazis for a while?” who the hell is like “Oh yeah, sign me up for that”? 

It’s just…not fun. I want to watch aliens and mutants and inhumans have big, bombastic adventures. I want to see Carol Danvers fly through space and save planets while looking fabulous and She-Hulk give a fucking killer defense in court and then bench pressing a bus. 

No one asked for more fucking Nazis, much less more Nazis wearing our heroes faces. 

anonymous asked:

Hi, 7goodangel. I am here to ask you about PaperJam as a shy, smol and innocent being (mainly thegreatrouge made him be). There has been some conflicts regarding his trait. Some said his canonical personality is a jerk, like what you wrote in his bio / info and some said that is severely wrong and being shy, (which made him shipped with Fresh), is his canonical personality. What are your thoughts about this? I mean, it is your character and people are taking control of it. Don't you disagree?

Well… I have talked to people and seen public conversations and this has happened several times to me over months. I guess I’ve gotten a little numb to it now… or maybe it’s due to school that I haven’t given it the attention that it deserves. Probably due to school. 

I just can’t update constantly like others - even though some others in school were and are able to update constantly. I can’t keep going around and holding up my bio of PJ and police people. It’s exhausting to me… it really takes up the small bit of free time I have. 

I think after I get a solid job that I’ll be able to go around better… but anyway - back to your question. 


While I love seeing interpretations and do not want people to be limited by something and have their imaginations go forth… it’s proving that a huge con comes with that mentality - which you have pointed out. A lot of people swear that PJ is the cute, innocent interpretation that really, did get PJ popular in the first place. While I did have him as a jerk from the beginning - I kinda kept that info to my RP blog - so you could say it is my fault this is all happening and I do think that. I could of done something to make it not as bad as it is now… 

It’s just like the NSFW stuff… people just assume the first thing and run with it. And it really does make me feel like I really am not needed for my own character at points. 

It’s a struggle - I don’t want to have people stop interpreting PJ within AUs… but I also don’t want people to just see him as an innocent child to ship with Fresh. 

And I’m still trying to find the best solution to it. 

But… I feel like the damage is already done. It’s too late for me to talk to all of these people going around swearing on their life that PJ is canoncally like Rouge’s interpretation/AUs. It feels like an hopeless battle to me. 

And I guess I needed someone to ask me this question so then I can fully say my thoughts on this. 

So in short, while I love creativity and don’t want to snuff it out (considering some people would probably think I’m doing that already with saying “No Sin”), I still don’t like it. It irritates me, irks me, frustrates me, and I feel like even as the person who thought of PJ in the first place, my voice isn’t enough. Communities seem like they don’t care about artists unless they reach a ‘certain goal of popularity’ or seem like they have a more professional style of art. I know I do not reach either of those titles. 

People misspell my username all the time - I actually claimed ‘7goodangle’ on tumblr for that reason.

People still say “I’m too lazy to find who made PJ” when they clearly mentioned they looked at the bio on the wiki. 

People still go around arguing others on the canon ship of OmniPJ and swearing that FreshPaper is the true canon ship, when all people are pointing out is that they need to keep the canon ship in mind when going around with information.

Even just basic personality traits… and these things are happening on sites that I do not nor want an account for. 

I still want others to have fun - to be happy; but I don’t know… I guess I’m cutting out my own happiness to get everyone else happy? I want to eventually write a version of PJ within his own universe and story… and he is more like the version I created within the UT verse. Not exact - but close. Though who knows… I might shove PJ to the side and replace his role with another character. I’m still weighing options.

Cause PJ was the first character I ever put this much time and thought into… my first character that was balanced, well rounded…

And what happens?

…well.

You said it Anon. 

They took it - changed it (initially as an AU but now people think it’s canon) - and I can’t do much about it. Due to school and not much free-time… due to how many don’t know the true creator… and just back talking anyone who is just mentioning it to people who swear by it. 

As an artist and a character designer…

It makes me not want to show designs, characters, and stories ever again online.

Considering if this is how I was treated on the first one… why even take a chance at a second one? If it has brought me so much stress, frustration, and time… why even try it again?

I said I was only going to do fanart so if anyone stole it, it didn’t really matter. 
I think I should have stuck with that thought process. 

In conclusion, there are some major things to take away here. First – that yes, I do not like how it has skewed this far to the point of arguing over a fandom version with the canon. Canon is canon and I get the different AUs – this is too far. Way too far. I am emotionally drained from this – from this whole mess that I have been defending throughout majority of PJ’s lifespan. I will state this – Paper Jam is my character. He is my original character that I created more than a year ago. And the UT AU fandom took my character and warped him to something he is not and all of his original meaning is lost. I do not like to hurt others or make other sad – but I must put my foot fully down. This miscommunication needs to stop. I am tired of repeating things over and over and I have past my breaking point time and time again. I just want people to see PJ how he really is… and I wish that people could be focusing more on the reality of him instead of the alternate that they all claim as truth.

Final words: I still like Undertale – I still like creating characters and having fun – but the Undertale AU fandom is ridiculous now. The Amino UT community is insanity in an app, and there is a lot of stuff that has made many artists and creators to their breaking point and leaving the fandom entirely. Everyone in this fandom needs to take ten steps back and look at what they are doing. Go back to the game. Play it again – watch your favorite let’s player’s videos of it again. 

And just… food for thought… please don’t jump the gun on someone else’s OC’s personality and actions. 

I do not want anyone to experience what I had.

Hickeys | Jeff Atkins Imagine

Anonymous said: hii, could you possibly do a imagine where the reader is like really freaking shy, especially when jeff gives her hickies 😂 but then he like comfort her about it say that the reader doesn’t have to be shy? basically just a really sweet and loving jeff. thank you! 💓

your p.o.v ━

you were currently walking down the hall with one of your close friends, hannah baker. you were both quietly chatting about the long school day you had, both thanking god that it was friday.

as the both of you neared your locker, you saw your tall boyfriend jeff, leaning against it with a tired expression on his face.

“hi love,” he said, approaching you with open arms and a tired smile. you walked right into his strong arms, instantly wrapping your arms around the middle of his torso.

you were too short to reach his neck, even on your tiptoes. once you felt his arms wrap around you, he pulled you as close as possible against him mumbling a tired, “i love you.”

you grinned, pulling back a bit and tilting your head to gaze up at him. “i love you,” you whispered, biting your lower lip as both of your eyes stayed locked on each other.

“um, i should probably get going,” hannah laughed, making your eyes snap towards the brown haired girl, but you stayed in your position with jeff nonetheless.

“we still gonna go eat lunch tomorrow?” you asked, a small smile spreading across your plump lips. she nodded, “for sure, just text me when you wanna go.”

your eyes lit up, “absolutely,” you said, feeling jeff’s hands slowly make their way up and down the small of your back, rubbing you softly. you leaned your head down against his chest, still staring at hannah as she turned to leave.

“have fun you two!” she yelled, making her way out of the school. it was truly a blessing that there wasn’t a lot of kids left in the halls, most of them leaving as soon as the bell rung.

“you need anything in your locker?” you heard jeff mumble, then you felt him lightly kiss the top of your head.

you nodded, “yeah, come on,” you said, feeling your chest tighten as you pulled out of his strong embrace. he grabbed your small hand in his rather large one, walking towards your locker with you right on his heel.

“you still have practice?” you questioned, knowing you would have to walk home alone.

jeff sighed, “yeah, we didn’t have practice on wednesday so coach is making us practice today.”

you pouted, “that sucks, i wanted you to come over,” you said, stopping right in front of your locker, then quickly focusing on opening it. you sucked at opening your locker, usually jeff or hannah doing it for you since you always messed up the combination.

you felt jeff’s eyes on you, watching you struggle, but you were determined to open it this time on your own.

it took you a good three tries, before finally hearing the lock click as you swung your locker door open. “finally!” you huffed, rolling your eyes. you heard jeff’s deep chuckle, making your eyes snap up towards the jock. “what?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowing in question.

he shook his head, “nothing, nothing. you’re just so adorable,” he said softly, giving you a toothy smile. you blushed, turning your head back towards your locker and getting the book you would need to do your homework over the weekend.

“you’re handsome,” you spoke softly, almost mumbling. you were always shy around jeff, but he didn’t mind. in fact, that was one of his favorite things about you, besides your laugh. your little laugh drove him insane, always making him laugh with you even if nothing was funny.

you tensed up slightly, feeling your boyfriend move behind you and wrap his arms around your waist. jeff leaned down, placing a small, but gentle kiss against your sweet spot. you ran your tongue over your lips, tilting your head to the side, your eyes fluttering close.

“i’m going to be so late to practice,” he breathed against your neck, but as soon as the words left his mouth, he started harshly sucking on your sweet spot.

your eyes snapped open, before you relaxed your entire body, causing your full body weight to lean against jeff.

a soft, little moan escaped your wet lips, jeff’s arms traveling to your stomach, lifting up your shirt and gently letting his fingers stroke over your stomach.

this instantly caused you to release a small giggle, your body squirming against him. he laughed too, giving your neck a final kiss before pulling away, as if nothing ever happened.

you looked around nervously, not seeing anyone besides you and jeff, which you were thankful for.

you turned to look back at your boyfriend, noticing his eyes already on you with a small, cheeky smirk on his lips.

you avoided eye contact with him, feeling your face heat up. “you shouldn’t have done that,” you huffed, trying your hardest to look annoyed.

jeff laughed loudly, his laugh echoing throughout the hallway. “you’re so stubborn love,” jeff teased, while looking down at you with twinkling blue eyes.

you glared at him, “how am i stubborn?”

“well,” he started, “the fact that you’re so stubborn about me giving you a hickey because of your supposed ‘shyness’ for people seeing it makes you stubborn,” he stated, his tone sounding smart.

you felt yourself tense, a small frown appearing on your face. you couldn’t hold it in, you started rambling uncontrollably. “look, jeff, it’s not that i don’t want you to give me hickeys, it’s just that i don’t want people seeing it and then later on thinking all we do is-”

jeff suddenly cut you off, his lips pressed roughly against yours. you kissed him back, putting as much passion into the kiss. you felt jeff’s tongue swipe across your bottom lip, almost begging to invade your sweet, little mouth.

you opened your mouth slightly, both of your tongues swirling around one another’s, searching each other’s mouths. you moaned, letting the thick textbook that you had in your hand drop to the floor, making a loud sound as the book hit the floor.

you jumped, gasping as jeff pulled away, his eyes swimming with lust and most importantly, love.

“you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s opinions,” he whispered, his lips wet with your saliva. “it’s just you and me baby,” he continued, staring you dead in the eyes.

your heart melted, a small smile spreading across your lips. “i love you,” you whispered, your hands making their way up his chest, then moving towards his shoulders, gripping them tightly.

jeff smiled, “i love you most.”

♡ ♡ ♡

this is my first imagine for this blog, and there will be plenty more to come! also, please be patient, i have over 25 requests that i need to do, and all will be up asap! thank you!

It’s so unbelievably upsetting that no matter how many times you have to keep telling neurotypical people that the things you struggle with and how much you struggle can change daily, they don’t understand. They don’t, even if they claim to. 

I’ve been told “Don’t worry, I’m not going to judge or question your struggles” so many times, and each person who said this eventually found themselves in a situation where they just could not believe that I can sometimes struggle with the most ridiculous things, in the most ridiculous ways.

“You were given so much time to complete this assignment, HOW are you still not done?” “This is such a simple task, HOW are you not able to do it?” Oh, I don’t know, you ever heard of ADHD? How about executive dysfunction? Oh right, I believe I told you that I have it. Like a thousand times. 1001 now because apparently I’m not the only one with a bad memory here.

You Have No Idea

Originally posted by gryffinclaw-in-wilde-times

Peter Parker x Shy Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: Peter and the Reader go to school together, however once Peter shows up at Stark tower, the Reader is curious as to why he is there.

Word Count: 1,930

Warnings: language, fluff, adorableness, talk of powers, annoying Tony, shy reader (bc I’m trash). (Err, that’s it?)

A/N: To the anon that requested this, I hope you like it! I sort of changed it up a little bit, so I hope you don’t mind. The length of this, I apologize, holy shit. I could not find a way to end this. *Also, the Reader’s powers are based on the character Catiana (in case you are wondering!) Please let me know what you guys think of it, I’d love some feedback. Enjoy reading!


Walking into school, you held tightly to your backpack and moved swiftly through the crowd, avoiding an “accidental” bump in with anyone that came unexpectedly.

Since you had a few minutes before your first class, you went to your locker and replaced the books in your backpack with the ones you needed today for classes.

Rolling your eyes and groaning as you picked up your heavy Algebra book, you stuffed it roughly into your backpack.

It’s not that you hated math, it’s just you weren’t that great at it, which definitely bothered you since you were in a class full of legit geniuses.

Not only did that class give you anxiety with being called on or not understanding anything, but it was also because there was one nerd who always caught your attention. The one that should probably be in college level math rather than Algebra in some high school. The one who looked so soft and cuddly. The one with the never ending collection of sweaters.

The one named, Peter Parker.

Keep reading

Just in case you ever worry you’re not Adult™ enough and don’t have enough self control for when it comes to creative projects, (cause I get asked a lot “how do you get yourself to focus” and similar questions) I have a literal separate profile on my computer that has nothing on it but Word and my project folders. No browsers, no apps, not even god damn solitaire because if I have a single thing to do other than write, I won’t do shit.

So if you’re one of those people who struggles to focus and you keep beating yourself up over not having the willpower to just make yourself focus: stop. You’re not failing, you just haven’t found the method that works for you yet.

Keep going, you’ll get there.