How can you tell when an INTJ likes/dislikes you?
the first thing you should understand is that when we are assholes, it usually has nothing to do with you. we’re sorry. some of us are working on being better. you’re probably cool.
if we’re comfortable around you, we’ll generally talk a lot more, open up to you about our interests, and turn up the sarcasm about 500% (although if we know something bothers you, we’ll adapt and defend you). if you can get us ranting about something we’re passionate about, that’s a bonding moment. (like right now this anon and I are totally bonding.)
if we see you as someone we want to be involved with in the future in any significant way - romantically, career wise, as a roommate, etc. - questions go from being a way to keep the conversation alive to being an interview. if you feel like an INTJ is bombarding you with questions about how you operate, your opinions on serious topics, or what you want for your life, that’s a very good sign. ESPECIALLY if they use that as a springboard for debate. that often means they want the interview to go in your favor, so they’re willing to pursue the topic you disagree on until you come to some kind of understanding. and/or we think you have a lot to learn and we actively want you to be better.
under normal circumstances though, a better sign of friendship is if we ask you about something you mentioned a long time ago. that doesn’t come naturally unless we see you as being an important part of our life, or at least a very interesting one.
also, TJs in general can be very blunt about positive things, although we’ll disguise it as something less emotional. like, we’ll show affection by trash talking your enemies, or treating our high opinion of you as obvious objective reality, or nonchalantly mentioning the fact that we’re best friends because it was relevant to the conversation.
there are a lot more things too, like seeking you out when our social battery is low, or taking the time to mentor you in something you show interest in, or literally seeking you out at all
as for how to tell when an INTJ dislikes you, that can be harder. some of them will make absolutely no secret of it. others want to avoid the consequences of drama, so they’ll put their best face on and try to treat you like everyone else. passive aggressiveness is totally a thing though. if you have some major disagreement and it just happens to keep coming up, it’s probably a message. however, if it’s in the context of an otherwise normal friendship, that message is probably just “I wish you would understand this is wrong” and not “I actually dislike you.”
if you consistently and knowingly attack things we care about, and we never address the issue and also don’t seek you out when our friendship is no longer convenient… well, the odds are not in your favor. same if we spend a lot of time talking with you but are never able to relax.
but almost anything else I could say is going to have major exceptions. because so many niceties are learned behavior, we’re unfortunately going to have a lot of times when we distance ourselves from our friends just because we’re having an off day - actually, that’s probably true for everyone. one word answers could just mean we haven’t connected yet. angry sounding debates could be attempts to fix things. lack of dealing with an issue could be a lack of confidence in dealing with it. long breaks in contact happen to the best of friendships. stuff happens.