these are so horrible they're hilarious

oldtimeydildomachine  asked:

the hilarious thing is that Alex Jones's supplements actually have a fuckin amazing ingredient profile, like he either really did his research or paid someone else to, BUT they're all dosed so terribly low that you'd have to take like 10 at a time to get an optimal result from them

so like theyre amazingly well structured and horribly concentrated. just like his organization.

anonymous asked:

Could you do some prompts about a character scoring a date after dropping some pickup lines that are so bad, they're hilarious?

Here’re some absolutely horrible pick up lines (and a few that would actually work):

  • “Are you a Wi-Fi hotspot? ‘cause I’m feelin’ a connection, and you’re certainly smokin’.”
  • “I don’t exactly have a library card, but would you mind if I checked you out?”
  • “Hello, I’m ____. I thought we should at least introduce ourselves to one another before we got married.”
  • “Pardon me, but I’m looking for a clever and aesthetically pleasing companion to travel the country with me and kill people, would you happen to be available?”
  • “Did you know Michelangelo personally, or were you only in his work shop your carving session?”
  • “If you let me buy you a coffee, I can guarantee that it will be the most interesting cup of coffee you will ever have.”
  • “You have a knife on you? Well, you are definitely the type of person I’d want to get caught in the zombie apocalypse with.”
  • “Nice shirt. Let’s get naked.”
  • "I was trying to think of a pick up line on my way here but…. I got nothing.”
  • “I must be asleep because you look like a dream.”

Possible Results:

  • The flirter manages to impress the flirtee not with their joke, but their use of the conditional clause - evidently, proper grammar is very important to an English major.
  • The pick up line is so bad / offensive, the flirtee punches the flirter and knocks them out cold - the flirter wakes up in their apartment after being brought home by their friends and finds that their flirtee had written their number backwards in permanent marker across their forehead.
  • The flirter stutters over the line and the flirtee finishes it for them since they’ve heard the classic many times - and because they were about to say it themself.
  • The flirtee manages to crack a smile at the flirter’s attempt at a pick up line, not because they put it across incorrectly, but because it originated on their blog.
  • The flirter sees that the flirtee isn’t exactly interested only half way through the pick up line and decides to change course by being honest about why they were really there.
  • The flirtee isn’t a fan of pick up lines and tries to interrupt the flirter multiple times by blushing, offering them, peanuts, and other antics, but they eventually just kiss the flirter to make them stop embarrassing them.
  • The flirter is continuously interrupted by the flirtee’s phone as they try to bust out their pick up line. Eventually, the flirtee gets so annoyed with their phone that they plop it in their drink.
  • The pick up line takes a turn for the worse when it turns out that whatever the flirter said was true (a.k.a. the flirtee is actually an angel, a killer, a zombie apocalypse survivor, etc.).

anonymous asked:

Percy and Jason get nervous about how many Apollo cabin sleep overs Nico and Will are having and they go all big brother and try to have "the talk" with Nico but they're not totally clear on what two boys do together, but like being clueless has ever stopped them before, after a horrible embarrassing conversation Nico is forced to summon zombies to drag his big brothers away

OMG NON YOU CRACKED ME UP. That’s hilarious. XD I love it. And the best part is it so canon. It’s so accurate!!!!

the signs based on people I know
  • Aries: Aries' are great people to have as company. They're always on the move and looking for something to do. Loud. Very rash and sometimes makes decisions too quickly. They have a tendency to start arguments they don't intend to finish. Super dry and sarcastic sense of humor.
  • Taurus: Amazing friends. Great at listening to your struggles and giving their own opinion. Very independent. They have a mind for themselves and seem to know what they want. It's easy to get along with them. Easy to appreciate their sense of humor.
  • Gemini: Incredibly loving behind their "don't talk to me" demeanor. Gemini's make great companions when you're looking to just forget about your problems. It takes a while for them to open up, but when they do its like a flood of emotions. Super hilarious, will make you piss your pants with laughter.
  • Cancer: Always so attractive. They know how to make you feel calm and secure. Being with them is so incredibly easy. They have a very mature side that would surprise a lot of people. Scary when angry. Not very sentimental people, but they will make you feel loved and wanted.
  • Leo: Leo's are very protective. They are good at keeping a situation at bay and always appearing calm. They will kill you. Whether it's with their humor, looks, or rage depends. They're so so witty, always having a come back. Also charming, could charm anyone to bed. Incredibly intuitive.
  • Virgo: Dry, dry, dry sense of humor. Always know when something's wrong. Great people to vent to. They know how to handle any situation and always have a plan. They're always so reassuring. Hard workers to the core, will make you very proud to know them. Sometimes gets in over their head.
  • Libra: Quiet. They know how to have fun without being too crazy. Amazingly smart, in a strange way. Weary people. They need reassurance a lot of the times. Great at cheering people up. Very romantic and know how to treat someone right. Will protect themselves first.
  • Scorpio: Someone to trust with your life. Very reliable and always ready to catch you if you fall. So so adorable. They know to light up a room with just one smile. Big, loud booming laughs. They'll make your heart clench with just one giggle. Always someone to turn to if you're having a bad day. So down to earth. Can get moody at times.
  • Sagittarius: Flirty. You'll never know if they're flirting with you or just being nice. Incredibly attractive. Blend in with people very well. They pick up phrases from others very easily. Have new interests every single week. Moves at a fast pace. Always ready for what's to come. One step ahead of everyone. (This could be terrifying at times)
  • Capricorn: Intelligent people. They're also hilarious. Very witty and cheeky. Curious about the world. Wide-eyed. Comes off as cold but is actually a marshmallow below the harshness. Have many skills. Get addicted to things easily. They memorize things so quickly. Great at giving advice, horrible at taking it. Hate criticism(no matter what the say).
  • Aquarius: Always looking for adventure. They don't stick too one person for too long, always in motion. Bad sleepers. They overthink way too much. Smart, in every way. They know how to manipulate a situation in their favor. Usually get what they want. They're in their own little world.
  • Pisces: Little tiny angels the world has gifted us with. They know how to keep you grounded. Amazing friends. Very loyal and trustworthy. Have super cool talents. They learn small things about people that mean the most. Great at remembering things. Super sentimental. Will always put others first.

anonymous asked:

What do you think about EXO winning their third Daesang leaving SHINee and shawols thirsty again? Don't you think that SHINee already had their peak during RDD? They're deteriorating :) Same for SNSD, TVXQ, SuJu. EXO is the only flourishing group in kpop, the new SM's cash cow. I foresee SM to slowly stop promoting SHINee (as they did with fx) since they're not great sellers. Isn't it time for SHINee to kindly step to the side and let the new boys take control? :) Let me know your opinion :)

PMSL OMFG THIS IS HILARIOUS. ohh overly-crazy exo fanon, you’re so horribly misinformed and i feel just awful for you. :) exo are not even CLOSE to being SM’s cash cow. album sales bring in a minuscule amount of money for SM compared to other things - concerts/tours being the single thing that still brings in the most money compared to album sales (whether it was 1 million albums or more). so y’know who are SM’s cash cows, and will continue to be SM’s cash cows for another 2-4 years ? everyone that isn’t exo pmsl. shinee are among one of the best-selling artists in kpop; they’ve broken many records (more-so than exo), have won several awards (more-so than exo), bring in a ton of money for SM (more-so than exo), they are well-respected by everyone (more-so than exo), and are doing quite the opposite of “deteriorating” - if anything, they’ve become even more popular in 2013.

so no, i don’t think that shinee need to ‘move aside’ for exo. despite exo’s explosive and incredibly overhyped popularity, they still have WAAAAYS to go before they can even reach shinee’s level. or snsd, tvxq, suju, f(x), or any of these “deteriorating” groups you claim are losing their spark in comparison to “the only flourishing group in kpop” pMSL.

also “shinee already had their peak durring RDD” THAT IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER READ thank you for the laugh babe ;u;

Undertale: the teaching game

So my little brother started playing undertale. Lemme just start with- kids are ruthless. So he starts playing, and bc he didn’t understand the point of the game and thought it was just another rpg where you gain experience and levels by fighting, my little brother decides to murder everyone. Just a complete, perfectly executed, genocide run without remorse.

The best part is, he restarted and realized the horrible atrocities he’d accidentally committed. Yep, he realized that it was better to keep everyone alive bc, and I quote, “it’s more fun when they’re all your friends, you can do more stuff.”

So really, Undertale was a very good teaching game about morals and not murdering all your friends.