these are sized wrong and so ugly

I never liked it. It was too big on him. There’s a tear in the seam of the right sleeve that I don’t think even he knew about—but I did. It drove me nuts. I could always see the loose thread dangling when he’d scratch at his head, or lift his arm to heal me, or point at some monster that was coming our way. And then there’s the color … it isn’t very good at all. It made him look pale, and he isn’t … wasn’t pale. That thing washed him out and swallowed him up and made him seem smaller than the big thing he was. I hated it. I hated that he looked so wrong without it. And I hate that when we went to bury him, I couldn’t let it go into the ground too. So now—it’s hanging on the hook on the back of my bedroom door, and every time I try to go to sleep at night, I see it there. I see it, and I hate it even more, because I never loved it so much. Loose thread and all. Two sizes too big—ugly coloring … it’s perfect.

And it’s empty.

I hate it.

Sincerely Three x Chubby Reader Head Cannons

My first set of HCs, requests are open!

Evan

- He’s just so happy to have you and he doesn’t really notice your squish because YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL!

- One day you guys go to the mall and you go to try stuff on, he realizes you’ve been gone for a bit and looks for you.

- He finds you sitting in to dressing room on the verge of tears and you tell him that you’re upset because nothing fit

- He takes you to a different store with a wider variety and forces you to try on clothes till you find something you LOVE

- When you step out of the dressing room and he sees you he starts blushing and stuttering

- “You- you’re, wow. You look beautiful. I mean you always look beautiful, like wow your like like a goddess but but in that you-”

- “Thank you sweetheart”

- he buys it for you even though you told him not too

- He loves to cuddle you and just gently drag his finger tips over your skin.

- He always tells you that you’re gorgeous and that he loves you regardless of how you feel.

- He also takes the time to kiss and caress your stomach when you’re having sexy moments.

- He just wants you to love yourself as much as he loves you


Jared

- Jared actually made fun of you in grade school because he’s a shit

- He apologized when he became your lab partner in Junior year, because after puberty he got some chub too

- He realized you were insecure when he decided to get a bit handsy one day at his house

- You were making out on his bed and He began lifting your shirt

- you instantly pulled it back down and moved away from him

- “Awe come on babe”

- “Fuck you”

- He instantly sits next to you and cuddles into you. “What did I do wrong?”

- You tell him about how insecure you are and that you’re really not comfortable with him seeing you shirtless yet.

- He nods and you guys cuddle and he repeatedly whispers how beautiful you are

- He does this a lot

- He slowly tries to make you more
comfortable around him by joking about himself

- “BABE LOOK AT ALL THIS JIGGLE” he screams grabbing his belly and jiggling it around.

- He also makes his belly button talk. (It’s weird but you laugh anyway)

- But after awhile confides in you that he also is hella uncomfortable with his own body

- When you guy are both comfortable doing more,,, R rated deeds, he’s shocked that you’re the first one to take off your top.

- he’s not complaining.

- There’s a lot of ‘I love you’s’

- Also after sex cuddles are 10/10

- Also he totally makes “more cushion for the pushin” jokes.


Connor

- He was so fucking shocked when you talked to him that he couldn’t find a flaw in you considering you’re literally his only friend

- He heard some kids making fun of your weight and he was P I S S E D

- After scaring the shit outta some teens he hugged you so tight and told you to ignore them.

- He took you home and you cuddled in your bed even though he wasn’t the best with touching

- “You know, you’re 1000x more attractive than any of those asshats”

- You smiled gently and kissed his cheek, you didn’t believe him but it was the sweetest thing he’d said about you

- When your go out in public he always had an arm around your shoulders or waist and literally growls at anyone who looks at you wrong

- He loves to lay his head on your belly while you play with his hair

- Also he loves seeing you in his clothes because they fit you so nicely

- He may or may not has yelled at customer service in one store because they refused to carry your size.

- “YOU SICK UGLY BASTARDS WOULDNT KNOW BEAUTY IF IT PUNCHED YOU IN THE TIT”

- “Connor please”

- “In a moment love, WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT-”

- You’re not allowed in that store anymore but you don’t care cause watching Connor blow up was kinda funny

- He loves to hold you and cuddle you

- He loves to hold you after sex and cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are

- He also makes sure you never stare at mirrors too long alone

- He loves the squish

@malacandrax

omg thank you!
I don’t!
Haha if you stare at the bigger size version long enough, you start noticing all the wrong perspective mistakes I’ve made TT___TT cause I still haven’t figured out how to use those photoshop or clip studio guide lines yet, but I plan on studying up on that eventually so that my perspective can be more accurate!

I’ll show the early sketch cause I think it’s funny how bad the perspective is 
jesus:

it was great cause at this stage Jude walked past my laptop and looked over my shoulder : “HJ that’s fucking ugly” 

then started fixing it up more with Jude’s input too!:

and then further edits:

and even now during the line stage, still slowly editing all the perspective mistakes!

Don't be ashamed

I bet every girl and boy, every man and woman has one or more things about their body that they consider “weird” or “abnormal”. I used to be ashamed about many things on my body and I still am sometimes. I was completely sure that I am different, not in a good way though, more like “this is so weird, I have to hide it, no one will ever love me because I am weird, different, disgusting”. Photoshopped images, “perfect” actors in movies and porn didn’t help. All these things are not real. So PLEASE believe me when I say:


- spots are normal, even and especially when they appear in other regions of your body than just the face, you are not dirty or disgusting or anything if you have them


- having hair on your body is normal, you decide if you want to shave or not


- stretch marks, rolls and cellulite are NOT disgusting! Not everyone, but almost everyone has them, they don’t make you less of a beautiful person


- boobs are great! They come in all shapes and sizes and no, not everyone has these perfect, tiny nipples, and yes, sometimes one boob looks completely different than the other boob, and that’s not ugly or disgusting


- you are NOT ugly down there!
GIRLS: there is NOTHING wrong with your labia! Labias come in so many different shapes, sizes and even colours. Please don’t be ashamed of your lady parts! ♡
BOYS: There is NOTHING wrong with your penis, porn is a liar. You will be able to please a girl even if you don’t have this giant dick, trust me, good sex is about intimicy, trust and fun, not size. Don’t pressure yourself!

If you notice something on your body and you think it’s weird, talk to a friend. If you’re too ashamed to talk to a friend, search the internet. Tumblr is an amazing oportunity to realize that being “unnormal” is actually very very normal :) Send an anonymous ask! You deserve to find out earlier than I did, that you are beautiful and normal in the best meaning of the word and that there is no need to be ashamed of your body ♡ and if you ever notice something on your body that worries you, please don’t be ashamed to talk to a doctor! Trust me, they have seen everything and there is absolutely no need to hide, you deserve help ♡

anonymous asked:

Bucky turning Steve into a puddle by gushing about his cute waist and beautiful pecs/boobs. Maybe abo with Steve getting so wet when Bucky starts lavishing attention to his nipples. Bucky telling him to come just from that and of course Steve does.

I went with canon!Stucky, if that’s okay :P 


Steve hated going shopping. 

When he was small and frail, it was because people would think they could trample on him and the crowds made him feel woozy. Now, the crowds just made him feel uncomfortable. People staring at him, he always worried about how he looked. At least when he was small, he knew that was why. But when they look at him now? He felt insecure, like he had something on his skin, like he was in the way.

But then when Bucky came back and he saw how beefy Bucky was, because oh my god have you seen him, Sam?! He doesn’t feel out of place. Bucky was thick everywhere, his thighs, his waist, his shoulders and chest. Despite Steve’s serum, Bucky was larger than him. Sure, they were level-wise, by height anyway, but while Steve was muscle packed into a tight body, Bucky was just...mouth watering large. 

Next to Bucky, Steve felt smaller. He didn’t feel out of place or in the way. Because he had Bucky’s hand on the small of his back guiding him, or Bucky’s arm around his waist. 

“I don’t want to,” Steve pouted, standing with Bucky in the clothes department of some store, “can’t I just wear what I have?” 

“Baby,” Bucky grinned, picking out clothes he thought would look good on his sweetheart, “you can’t wear the same clothes all the time. It’s a gala and Pepper wants everyone dressed to the nines.” 

Steve sighed and sank down in one of the chairs the store had and watched as Bucky went around choosing Steve’s sizes, “Buck…” 

“Yeah, Stevie?” Bucky replied, grabbing some trousers to go with the shirt he had in his hands. 

“Do you think…I’m ugly?” Steve asked, too ashamed to look up at Bucky’s face. The minute those words left his lips, Bucky was over in a second, crouching down in front of him. 

“Baby, look at me,” Bucky said firmly, but gently, “sweetheart, look at me.” 

But Steve screwed his eyes shut. He felt so stupid. Pathetic. Crying over something as small as this? What the hell was wrong with him? He was Captain America for god sake! 

“Baby doll,” Bucky whispered, cupping Steve’s face, wiping away the tears there, “you’re beautiful. I love the bright blue of your eyes, the way I can see a whole storm brewin’ in them when you’re angry, or the sun when you’re happy.” 

He kissed Steve’s closed eyes.  

“I love your adorable little freckles, the red of your lips. I love the way your soft hair feels against my chest when you sleep.” 

He kissed Steve’s cheeks, forehead, lips and head. 

“I swear to God, you got the prettiest set of tits I’ve ever seen, and you’re cute little waist, so tiny and compact, drives me wild, you know that?” 

He growled in Steve’s ear and wrapped an arm around his waist and squeezed. 

“I love everythin’ about you. The way you smile. Your laugh. That big mind of yours. I love you. And you are mine, doll. My baby boy, and he’s beautiful.” 

Steve finally opened his eyes, tears falling freely down his cheeks. He made a small noise and Bucky knew he wanted a hug. Steve melted into his arms and hid his face in Bucky’s neck. 

“I gotcha, darlin’. I gotcha.” Bucky closed his eyes and cursed whoever had made Steve feel like this. If there was one thing he was certain of in this stupid world, it was that Steve was precious. And no one lived to see the sunrise if they so much as made Steve sad. 

Prompts

A/N: So it was late and these starting spewing from my brain. Send me a character and a number if you want me to do it!

1. For the love of God, stop staring and help, will you?

2. I’ll stop when you admit that you have feelings for me.

3. You? Afraid of the dark? That’s impossible.

4. I knew you were too good to be true.

5. Really? I mean, it’s only been….four hours. Yeah, maybe we should get some sleep.

6. How is it that we break up and you’re already fine, like the time we had was nothing?

7. Stop crinkling your nose. It’s not that bad.

8. I’d rather climb Mt. Everest, wearing nothing but a swimsuit.

9. I’m sure you would.

10. This is too comfortable. Leave me here by my lonesome.

11. They say that if you kiss your girl/boyfriend under this, you’ll end up together forever. Now, I don’t believe in it that much, but here we are and I wouldn’t mind kissing you.

12. Why is your go-to answer baking?

13. If you’re going to wear that, you can at least face the other way. Oh, never mind.

14. Do you think I can control how I feel when it comes to you?

15. Be the semi to my colon. What do you say?

16. Tempting, but I think I’ll do the reasonable and smart decision; Google it.

17. The stars in the sky outnumber my love for you, but I did try to count them for you, if that counts for anything.

18. I’ll take that as a maybe.

19. Your dancing is like a dolphin that got its fin removed and was just left on the beach to flop around.

20. No, we are not keeping it. We do not need a tricycle.

21. I’m starting to feel like the third wheel, but without the third wheel, there couldn’t be a tricycle. It would be a bike. Hear that? That’s the sound of toddlers falling everywhere.

22. And all the roosters cried. It’s not easy being a cock.

23. Okay, I don’t know anything, except you’re cute.

24. I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again. (…) What exactly did I do?

25. A day without you is just a day wasted.

26. I love you as much as cake. Almost.

27. Fine, I won’t discuss your terrible music. How about your shirt?

28. That shirt’s design is so ugly and the only thing distracting people from that is the fact that it is the wrong size for you.

29. I was asking about my pants.

30. Self-respect is overrated!

31. Maybe tiny people live all around us and we don’t know. They’re like Japan and we’re Godzilla. RAWR!

32. You’re too crazy for your own safety.

33. You say that like its a bad thing.

34. Maybe we’re too young to know what we want or who we want.

35. Did you know that you snore when you sleep? I don’t mind. It’s kind of adorable.

36. I have some rules before we begin whatever this is.

37. For the record, my hair is naturally (hair color).

38. Are you telling me that we just recorded two hours without sound? (…) I’m cool, I’m cool.

39. This is not okay!

40. I was 10! I didn’t know any better! My parents encouraged my Spice Girls performance.

41. So, what I’m hearing is, this isn’t my fault? Well, that’s a nice change. Who’s the poor guy who did this?

42. Nature or nurture, not my fault!

43. I have seventeen minutes to get ready and you’re distracting me with kisses?

44. I will never climb that for all the money in the world.

45. Who died and made you queen? Being the actual leader, I’m saying you should step down.

46. If you keep using terms like ‘winning’ or 'losing’ with our relationship, you might win an argument, but slowly, you’ll lose me.

47. Do you want to reenact a famous historical event with me? I promise everything is legal! Maybe.

48. P1- Take my hand. Take a breath. P2-Are you quoting High School Musical? P1- Shhh, don’t ruin the moment.

49. This is our song. I don’t care what meaning it might have that I’m missing, but I love the song, you love the song. Why not?

50. If you’re going to remain shirtless, you might want to get out of my bed.

51. I have spent quite a few infinities with you. That won’t change. Even if the next few are without you.

52. I don’t know what heroes you’re aware of, but I am far from being a hero.

53. You taste like chocolate. Did you eat my dessert?

54. Stop speaking in a British accent. Or at least do one correctly!

55. I love you. You know that, right? Of course, why wouldn’t you know that? I’m pretty obvious.

emxlin1  asked:

A bunch of random girls came up to me at lunch and started saying racist things things like "where are your eyes dumb Asian" and "are all asians as ugly as you?" She even had the audacity to tell me to go back to my country and started insulting my parents my friends and even my love for dancing 😞

???????????????? okay honestly wtf is wrong with her like how low is her own self esteem to try and bash someone else when they’ve done nothing wrong… lmfao don’t worry about them em, they’re just insecure and honestly it makes them look so bad. just know that you’re more talented than you think, your eyes are gorgeous regardless of size (i mean, whose eyes aren’t gorgeous??), and LMAO “DUMB ASIAN” OKAY ALRIGHT whatever lets her sleep at night :’D also your parents so freaking amazing because they did what many adults can’t do and they risked their livelihoods for their child’s well being. 

so be proud of yourself and your parents and don’t let her words affect you because that’s exactly what she’s trying to do. instead, hold your head high and show her that she’s simply too insignificant to you for her words to hurt! that’s the best way to get rid of a bully (along with telling a teacher or something)

anonymous asked:

Curious question about Gehrman. Does he have a good opinion about his own appearance and fashion? Like he view himself as ugly, average or handsome?

You know, this is actually a question I asked myself when I began to write my fanfic and the answer changed so drastically as the story went on and as Daisy and I turned Gehrman into a well-rounded character that I had to go back to the previous chapters and rewrite entire parts completely! XD
In my first draft, Gehrman definitely didn’t care all that much about his appearance and surely didn’t think of himself as handsome. He wore worn clothes (often of the wrong size) and his appearance was overall quite shabby and dull.
Our “current” Gehrman is a complete different story *3*
He still doesn’t see himself as particularly handsome (average at best, for a man his age) but he really… REALLY cares about the impression he makes on people. And that that his students make on people. They all are of humble origin and for many of them, their new life as a hunter is a way to leave behind a dark past or a life of crime. It is their chance to start anew because it doesn’t matter who they were before: now they’re GOOD hunters, people fighting for Byrgenwerth’s noble goals of discovery and enlightnement. And they are proud of it. Proud of wearing their sharp-looking uniforms with striking red lining and stylish hats. And for Gehrman, it is no different. In fact, he is the one asking his student to care about their appearance, to be confident and present themselves as the team of badass warriors he knows them to be.
He himself has to be an example for them, always dressing well (Even if his clothes are many years old and carefully patched up because he can’t afford new ones as frequently as he wanted…) and cutting his hair and beard to keep a groomed appearance.
But at the same time, there’s the fact that his personal taste is a bit extravagant since he loves bright colors and unnecessary details such as frilly cuffs, embroidered scarves and vests, engraved cape clasps and so on. So, basically…. everything that differentiates the Hunters’ gear from that of the boring, everyday Yharnamite. And those unfortunate souls of his students have to deal with it XD
Long story short, he sees himself as an average-looking dude with EXCELLENT *cough* taste in clothing and a well-kept appearance.

Bleach characters' hidden talents: The Sequel


As requested by anon. :)


Previously, I imagined what hidden talents Bleach characters’ might have. Today, we’re going to look at some more *secret* talents!


1. Bazz-B: Peeling oranges without breaking the peel

When he’s done, he has one single spiral of orange, every time. He eats like three oranges a day, just to show off.


2. Yukio: Making blanket forts

They are always the perfect mix of comfy and cool-looking.


3. Ichigo: Flower arranging

He secretly has a great eye for color. He just doesn’t always use it when he’s picking out clothes.


4. Urahara: Jump rope tricks

He never loses his hat, either.


5. Hinamori: Touching her tongue to her nose

Shinji keeps trying, but he just can’t manage it himself. He’s hugely impressed with his lieutenant. 

6. Starrk: Cat’s cradles

You’ll never see one, though, because it takes too much effort.


7. Cang Du: Making sock puppets

He is also good at giving them silly names and putting on plays. Not that he will ever show anyone.


8. Orihime: Making shadow puppets

She loves showing off this particular talent. The array of shapes she can make is truly impressive.


9. Kurotsuchi: Candy Crush

He once played for 19 hours straight.


10. Ikkaku: Embroidery

His goal is to learn to embroider with his feet too, but he can’t quite manage it.


11. Nanao: Mixing drinks

She refuses to let Kyoraku discover this.


12. Gin: Making paper airplanes

He loves to throw them at Aizen and then blame Tosen.


13. Rukia: Baton twirling

It’s especially good when her baton has a ribbon on the end.


14. Yachiru: Having an internal compass

It turns out that Yachiru has a great sense of direction. She just enjoys making Kenpachi run around every which way.


15. Yumichika: Fitting a whole lot of grapes into his mouth

Seriously, he can fit like a whole bunch. But it makes his face look bulgy and ugly, so he refuses to do it.


16. Chad: Making balloon animals

He can even make unicorns.


17. Isane: Winning staring contests

The woman can go more than two minutes without blinking.


18. Ishida: Farting very, very quietly

So far as his friends know, Ishida never ever farts. They are very wrong.


19. Renji: Balancing balls on his nose

You know, like a seal.


20. Yoruichi: Choosing the exact right-sized tupperware for her leftovers on the first try, every time

A talent which would be super helpful if she ever had leftovers.

anonymous asked:

Hi there, so ive been thinking a lot about the whole if you're fat you wont get raped, and how people say that as if its some sort of compliment? I dont feel it as a compliment but i dont know how to explain why. How would you tell someone that saying fat women dont get raped isnt a compliment or a nice thing to say?

Flat out it isn’t a compliment to tell someone “hey at least this really bad thing won’t happen to you, because you’re ugly…”. The thing is, when you imply that fat girls can’t get raped it implies that fat girls aren’t attractive enough to get raped, that they aren’t desirable and they don’t deserve something like rape to happen to them. That is wrong in all sorts of ways. It degrades plus size women, who do not need another way of feeling bad about themselves, but it also degrades non plus size women who now, because they are attractive, deserve to get raped? Would you say to someone “oh my gosh you’re so pretty, someone will totally try to rape you!” How is any of that a compliment? The whole idea is just a way of taking the focus off the real problem, rapists. No one deserves rape, and no one is “safe” from rape, and to say so is never a compliment. We need to see rapist as the problem and eliminate the issue rather than attacking victims and using body shape to further degrade women. I hope this helps, the answer is a little all over the place! Thanks for the question!

-The Daily Feminist 

I’m 33 years old. I believe more than half my life I’ve been trying to lose weight, I have lost a lot and then get it back. I have done it the wrong way most of my life. Now I’m able to talk about it because I’m not ashamed anymore. I was anorexic and bulimic for about 4 years in my early 20’s, the internet was my home and it showed me how to do it. 

But the funny thing is that I wasn’t obese before, I was a bit chubby yes (pants size 8-12 most of the time) I was average, but felt so ugly and fat all the time and my emotional eating has been my main issue, I workout, I like working out I like sports, but my eating.. food was my escape from my mental issues. Depression. I’ve been suffering with this since I was a teen, but now in my thirties is when I finally found the light and found some one that loved me not because of how I looked but because the beauty he saw inside of me.

My husband and my son are my strength now, I’m no longer alone and I don’t need the emotional eating, I still struggle with my self image, but I’m mature enough to know it’s all in my head, I can now do and fight for me in the right way. The internet has showed me the ugly part of losing weight, but that was because I was looking in the wrong direction, I’m now in the right one. I’m positive and eager to continue to be happy and love my body even if I’m heavier now, my weight loss journey now it’s just to be healthy and to perform better in my sport. Thank you tumblr for showing me that positive part of the weight loss and fitness. Thanks.

anonymous asked:

youre the type to respond to a skinny girl saying she hates her body with "oh my god youre such a bitch people would die to have your body how fucking dare you" like oh my god im honestly not surprised that tumblr is ok with putting down skinny girls to make bigger girls feel better. like is it too much to have some pop song or whatever about "hey everyones body is rad and no one should hate themselves"

thanks for the assumption about me but you are an idiot because i would never say that and this pisses me the hell off

I have lived my entire childhood and young adult life, the most delicate time in my life, the time which i am supposed to figure out the world and figure out myself and the beginning of my identity and i was constantly hating myself because every girl in my year seemed to be skinny and tanned with perfect hair and perfect skin where i was the total opposite in every way possible. I had to look in magazines and watch TV without seeing my body represented in there so i grew up thinking my body is wrong. My body is ugly. It’s not the body I should have. No one will love me because I am a size 14 and i SHOULD be a size 8. Can you imagine that? I thought my body size was wrong and it was a disgrace.

To this day, like many big girls out there I still constantly have negative body days because despite the media and people trying to grasp the concept of a size 12/14 being a ‘normal’ size we still are not there and far off it but then I hear Nicki singing how being big is to be celebrated and i feel good. I think why am i worried, Nicki is out there doing her thing and showing the world having fat is natural and beautiful.

Now please get over yourself and deal with one song giving one to the big girls when they always draw the short straw.

I see so many girls posting quotes and pictures encouraging other girls to stop eating and be “skinny and perfect” and I’m tired of that.

As you can see on this picture I’m not “skinny”. My thighs touch when I’m standing still, and so what? I think every single size is beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with being “skinny” if that’s your natural size. But there is something REALLY wrong with risking your health by not eating, or throwing up when you eat, or punishing yourself for eating a piece of chocolate. And specially, there’s something REALLY REALLY wrong with encouraging other girls to do the same and defending that “if you’re not skinny you’re ugly”.

Respect your body and love yourself. Love what you have. Wear whatever you want. Eat whatever you want. It’s about being healthy, not “skinny”.

I love my big booty and if someone doesn’t like it, that’s absolutely not my problem. All I care about is what I think about myself. And I’m happy being like this. And very proud.

Love your body no matter what size you are. Stop trying to change it just to please people who criticize you. Cause when you do that, the only person who loses is you.

Don’t let society tell you what you’re worth by the size of your jeans.

may12324  asked:

Your ugly Mary story is so beautiful and actually inspiring, thank you for sharing, I've always felt ugly, and I can blame society and the media for that, but it's hard when protagonists in books and stories are always beautiful or become beautiful to succeed, I love how you've switched this whole idea, that her 'ugliness' is a strength, not a weakness

i hear you!! i think we all feel ugly sometimes, because the media is garbage and the world sets out to make us feel ugly so that when they call us beautiful we feel grateful. but guess what, fuck those people. maybe we are ugly! my jaw is VERY square and my shoulders are broader than i’d like, and quite frankly i’ve always felt like my body was a little bit the wrong size—sometimes too small, sometimes too big—but like??? it’s my body, you know? nobody gets to talk shit about it but me. 

i try to think about it like this: if someone finds you unattractive, that’s their problem, not yours. your body is not their body. look, i have never seen you, i don’t know what you look like. maybe you’re the protagonist in that 1D song about being on a beach and singing at the camera in a circle, and maybe you’re ugly mary

but like, this blog honestly doesn’t care. do you try to be kind? do you care about people? do you love things? cool. we’re gonna get along great.

anonymous asked:

hi can you please do a taylor or matt imagine for me? C:

Sad Matthew Imagine

Skinny love:

I adjusted my dress around my hips. It was too tight, I could barley zip it up. It was so unflattering to my body. Instead of sucking my stomach in, it only exposed it more. It made my thighs look huge and my shoulders appear broader. This dress had fit me last fall, and now almost a year later, I looked like a stuffed sausage. I was getting so sick and tiered of not fitting into my cloths anymore. And I hadn’t gotten any taller, just..heavier. With defeat I unzipped the dress and I could finally breath again. I head it up to my face and examined it. Size 3. I couldn’t fit into a size three. I looked at myself in the mirror, just in my bra and underwear. I had never been so unsatisfied and discussed with myself before. I felt my eyes begin to itch as I looked myself up and down. Finally the long overdue tears came streaming down my face. I had to turn away from the mirror, only because I couldn’t look at myself anymore. I was so fat. And ugly. And worthless. I thought of my skinny pretty size 2 friends. I wanted to be thinner. I wanted to be perfect. I tried to wipe my eyes as my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, Matthew. I sniffles before answering. “Hello?” I asked, trying to sound like I hadn’t just been sobbing.
“Y/n? Are you ok?” Matt always knew when something was wrong.
“Yea, I’m fine.” I lied
“Ok. I’ll be there in about 10 minuets, are you ready?” He asked
“Uhh, almost.” I sniffles again
“Are you sure your alright.”
“Yes Matthew.”
“Ok, be there soon.”
“Ok. Bye.” I hung up the phone and dragged myself to my closet. Looks like I would be wearing jeans and a loses fitting shirt. Again. I grabbed a pair of ripped up jeans and squeezed into them. I flipped through the shirts in my closet and settled on a flowy red blouse. My outfit was screamed whatever, I don’t care how I look. But everything was just…whatever. I saw Matthews car in my driveway and I ran out as quickly as I could even though I was dreading going out to dinner. I slid into the passenger seat. I saw Matthews lit up face and his shinning brown eyes. “Hey!” He smiled. Usually his face could cheer me up, but the mood I was currently in had no cure. “Hi.” I said dully.
“You look great.” He said, but I’m sure he was lying. I didn’t respond. I pushed my hair out of my eyes, then remembers they could still be red and puffy, so I quickly turned my head so I was looking out the window. “So where do you want to go?” He said, a little to cheery for my liking. “I don’t really care.” I decided
“Are you ok? Your not acting like yourself…”
“How?” I said sharply, turning to him.
“Never mind. Well just go to Olive Garden or something.”
“You honestly think I can afford to eat pasta right now?” I accidentally said.
“What?”
“Just..never mind. Just go there.” I shook my head. He gave me a look, but then continued driving off.
We parked at Olive Garden, the last place I wanted to be. All I could imagine was all the carbs and fattening food the place had to offer. We were seated quickly and the waiter took our order. Matthew got some kind of spaghetti, now it was my turn. “And for you mam?”
“Umm.” My eyes scanned the menu. There was no way I would eat any of this. “Can I just have a salad. And a water?” I asked politely. Matthew shot me a look, but I didn’t look back at him. “Ok, coming right up.” The waiter nodded and walked off somewhere else.
“A salad huh?” Matthew asked
“Yes. And water.” I crossed my arms over my chest. He just nodded and pulled out his phone. This date was not going well, but how could anything go well when I was in a mood like this?
Soon the waiter returned to our table with Matthews huge bowl of pasta and my petite salad plate. I look down at my pathetic plate of salad which was just different shades of green leaves and generic ranch dressing. Then my envoys eyes look at Matthew, who was devouring his meal. I played with the salad, took a few bites, then pushed it around again. I was so hungry, but I was also hungry for perfection. And you could never get that by eating. Matthew finished and he must not haw noticed I barley touched my salad. This wasn’t the first time I hadn’t eaten. I almost never ate lunch, I always skipped breakfast, and I always said I was full at dinner. I wasn’t angry at him though, because nobody noticed. Matthew payed the bill, and by the time we walked out, the sky had grown dark and the air was now cold. He threw his arm around my waist,but he could barley reach past my hips. That only made me feel more gigantic. He opened and closed the door behind me. Neither of us spoke until I saw him take a wrong turn. “Matt my house is that way.” I reminded him
“I know, I need to make a quick stop.” He pulled into a gas station. “Wait here.” He whispered. I felt like he was in there forever and when I saw him come out with two slurpies, I just wanted to bolt out of there. He smiled at me and opened his car door and handed me one. “Red. Your favorite.” I reluctantly took it, but I didn’t drink it. I watched as he drank his. “You know y/n, one slurpie won’t kill you.” He said, peering up at me.
“Ya, sure.” I laughed, setting it in the cup holder. “Drink it.” He ordered
“Excuse me?”
“Drink it. It’s good for you.”
“It is most definitely not good for me.”
“You need to eat.” He said sternly
“But this isn’t food.”
“Y/n.” He sighed. “I’m not an idiot. Since when do you get a salad?”
“I like salad.” I said defensively
“You hate salad.” We both knew that was true.
“Well..” I started
“No. Tell me what is going on, I can help.” He said quietly, setting his drink down as well.
“No, you can’t” I huffed Turing away from him
“Please. Let me try.” He grabbed my hand and healed it gently. I closed my eyes so tightly, holding the tears in. “Fine.” I gave in. “I want to be skinnier. No, I need to be skinnier.”
Matthew looked almost amused. “For real?” He smiled
“See Matthew, I told you! You can’t help.” I turned away from him again, and pulled my hand out of his.
“I’m sorry. Keep talking.” He grabbed me by the shoulders so I was facing him. “Ok.” I kept my eyes low, and I never looked up to him.
“I feel huge. All of my friends, all those pretty girls on the internet, their all so thin and perfect. Just everything about them is everything I’m not.”
“But y/n…your not fat, or ugly. You are perfect. Your beautiful.” He lifted up my chin.”can’t you just agree with me on this one?” I felt a tear spill over my eyes.
“Never.” He whispers,
“But but I’m so-“
“Yes, I know. Your so beautiful. And I am so lucky.” He kept his voice quiet. It was so soothing.
“Quit lying to me.” I shook my head in disbelief.
“Do you want me to be completely honest?”
“Please.” I cried.
“Fine. Your mascara is under your eyes and your shirt is out and it would look better tucked in and your hair isn’t straight in the back. But I don’t notice that crap Unless you tell me too. I don’t lie, especially to you. So I am going to tell you the cold, brutal truth. You are stunning, weather you see it or not. So drink the damn slurpie. It’s good for you.” He said, finishing it off with a slow peck on the lips. I grabbed the back of his neck and rested my forehead against his. “You a good boyfriend, Espinosa.” I whispered.

here you go! i decided to go with Matthew, hope you like it!