these are shitty i know

anonymous asked:

for the tropes! maybe a matchmaker au?

[put a fanfic trope in my inbox and I’ll describe the fic I’d write!]

OKAY BUT HOW CAN I DO THIS WITHOUT MAKING SHITTY THE MATCHMAKER.

Shitty knows a lot and he knows he knows it. So when the illustrious Jack Zimmermann comes into his “relationship clinic,” Shitty has a thousand pieces of advice for him. First of all, Jack should learn to enjoy himself a little. Nobody wants to date a boy who’s not into having fun. Loosen up. And learn how to make conversation. And maybe learn to flatter a little. Shitty will fix him up with a nice girl, but Shitty’s going to recommend his favorite dating coach, Eric Bittle, to give Jack some lessons on how to treat a lady.

Eric Bittle has a thousand words of advice for Jack as well. They do a mock date, and Eric says things like “Okay, Jack, right now I’m eyeing my phone about to send a text to my best friend telling her to rescue me.” “Jack, I’m stifling a yawn and starting to look at the cute guy in the booth behind us.” “Mr. Zimmermann, that is the sort of thing that would make some girls walk out.”

Jack’s frustrated. Shitty fixes him up with a girl named Samantha, and Jack finds that Eric’s admonishments were scarily accurate. They break down the date later. Eric assures him that he’s not a hopeless case, that he gave it a good honest try, and that’s more than a lot of guys will even give.

Next lesson with Eric. Technique. Literally, how to eat and drink. How to dance. Eric’s as small as some girls, so he gives Jack a dance lesson. Jack’s never enjoyed dancing before, but holding Eric by the waist and guiding him around the dance floor is fun. Fun, due in no small part to the sparkle in Eric’s eyes.

Shitty matches him up with a girl named Camilla. This one goes a lot better. They talk sports, which is great, and Jack pretty much succeeds at the whole technique thing. But the thing is, Jack’s not feeling it. It’s one thing to perform well, but it’s another to have it feel like a performance. He doesn’t have the same rapport with Camilla as he does with Eric. It doesnt feel right.

Shitty frowns at this. “Brah, can I ask you a question?” he says to Jack. “Are you into men?”

Jack shakes his head fiercely. “It has to be a woman,” he says. “It has to. I’m in the NHL.”

Shitty looks at him for a long moment, opens his mouth to speak, and then sighs. “All right,” he says. “You’re the client.”

Third lesson with Eric devolves into a conversation on expectations and feelings. “How will I know when it’s the right person?” Jack asks.

“Oh, honey. You’ll know,” Eric says. “She’ll be easy to talk to. You’ll want to spend more time with her. You won’t want the night to end.”

Jack doesn’t know about that, but he does know that he doesn’t want this lesson to end. Ever.

Jack returns to Shitty and tells him he needs a girl who’s easy to talk to. Shitty frowns and says, “Okay, all right. I don’t usually do this, but I’m gonna set you up with a close personal friend of mine. Larissa’s low-key, she’s smart, she’s interesting… she might be perfect for you. Sound good?”

She does sound good, and Jack’s actually finding he’s somewhat excited for this date. And Larissa is easy to talk to. Better yet, she’s easy to not talk to… the pauses in their conversation are not awkward. Jack definitely feels a connection with her. If there’s a hitch in this date, it’s that Larissa seems to talk about Shitty a little too much.

But when the end of the night comes, and they’re at Larissa’s door – Jack doesn’t want to kiss her. He wants her number, but he wants it so he can text her. Maybe hang out once in a while. But not date. Not kiss, not hold hands with.

Larissa frowns at him. “You’re thinking of someone else,” she says flatly.

And she’s absolutely right.

Jack makes an appointment for a lesson with Eric, and the minute they’re together again, Jack tells him. “I want you,” he says. “I want to date you. No one else.”

Eric’s hesitant, but his eyes are shining. “Oh, Jack, honey,” he says. “That’s not uncommon, for people to think they’ve fallen for their dating coach. It’s an illusion. Because we connected during lessons, it doesn’t mean we really–”

“We really,” Jack says. “I really.”

Eric stares, lost for words. Jack fills in the blanks. “I want to go on dates with you,” he says. “I want to hold hands with you, I want to dance just like we were dancing before. I want to talk to you all night long. I want to wake up next to you. You’re who I was thinking of when I was on those dates. I’m not making this up. It’s for real. You said I’d know…. and I know.”

And now there are tears in Eric’s eyes. “Are… are you sure?”

Jack nods emphatically.

“I– I told myself I was just imagining it,” Eric mumbles. “I told myself, now look here, Eric Richard Bittle, he’s just another client. Another one of the hot messes Shitty works with. Just because he’s doing well at the lessons doesn’t mean–”

Jack shuts him up with a kiss.

Afterward, as they hold each other, Jack says, “You know, Shitty’s a really good matchmaker.”

Eric laughs. “You think?”

“Absolutely.” Jack gives him a grin. “I fell for the very first person he recommended.”

anonymous asked:

i know this may sound really weird but im so happy to find a chinese blogger on tumblr who posts asian fashion. you're so pretty also!!! idk why but it feels like ppl in west look down on china but love Japan and south korea so much, especially where i live so yeah im happy :3 sorry for being weird i know it sounds shitty but its nice being represented as something more than just "the poor dog eating communist" >.<

It’s really saddening how people around the world view China ; n ; tbh I love that place with every pound of blood my heart pumps out. Our culture is so vibrant and beautiful otl I really wish that people are willing to discover and learn more about us! It really sucks when some random Chinese tourist does something stupid over seas and the media zooms in onto it; bringing our whole nation down with them lol. It’s a shame how we are portrayed by just a few of those pity tourists I ESPECIALLY DISLIKE THOSE SORT OF CHINESE PEOPLE IM ALWAYS LIKE OML PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON WHY PEOPLE DISREGARD US anyhow I feel like my generalisations might bring a lot of opinions please don’t attack me tumblr is scarily sensitive yikes

“ehh teachers work so hard ehh they don’t get enough credit” yeah i agree we need to pay teachers more only if to make it so they’re not so shitty all the time you know how many teachers i’ve had that just barely make it under the “get fired” bar and the kids suffer because of it

anonymous asked:

Okay mommy I know that sometimes we feel sad or bad (Like me rn i was forced to run at PE and guess what? i broke my foot) but there is something that makes us happy and thats when u smile ♡ pls be safe and feel free to talk to me whenever ur days feel shitty i know im just a disgusting shit that loves u but i will try to help ok xoxo - Pepe

Nooo you are not shitty you are the best 💜💜💜🌹 and thank you!! Ily

anonymous asked:

my moms friends are throwing her a surprise party the literal day after my birthday. her birthday is more than a month after mine. also they refuse to change the date and i have to encourage my mom to go even tho she already made plans to take me out to dinner for my birthday and celebrate that night because she's busy on my birthday. i've cried about it like three times tonight i feel so horrible and crappy

Anon, sweetheart, I’m gonna need you to chin up for me. I know this is hard. I know this is shitty and fuck your mom’s friends. Fuck them for doing this the night she was taking you out. But do this for her, for your mom. She loves you, it sounds like she’s done a lot for you. Do it for her. I’m sure in a couple days, she’ll take you out to do your celebration, she won’t just forget about it.

But, if you wanna have an extra kick of petty, fuck over her friends without fucking over your mom and spoil the surprise. She still gets her party, but it steals the fun from them.

anonymous asked:

Noooo; hobi and jimin were both cheated on/left for someone else and I think nams dated someone when he studied abroad in Australia and jjk when he went to la before debut and they broke his heart or smth went down and that's why he covers sappy emo ass 'ill never forget you' breakup songs

ok the hobi one i knew i didnt know abt jimbo too thats so shitty that they were cheated on poor dudes im sure theyre okay now tho rolling around in silk sheets wearing gucci ;PPP 

i also didnt kno namjoon studied abroad in australia??? i thot that was jin ghfjdskhf JJK BYE STOP RLLY??? GFJDKSDHFFDHS ILL NEVER FORGET YOU BREAKUP SONGS….who in la broke my boys heart

galitballi  asked:

Hi Jenna, I finished reading your book and oh my god 😱 I loved it and I can't wait to read more of anything you write. I have a small question, I write a chapter in 1.5 months. I know that shitty and even though life is in chaos right now, it's no excuse for that. My question is, how many chapters do you get done, even with all the hectic life you have? Thank you and stay awesome :D

So thrilled you enjoyed it!

Honestly, it depends. If I’m focused on writing, I can usually get a chapter done in less than a week. If I’m focused on other things, like vlogging or the business side of things, it’s going to take a lot longer because I don’t have as much time to commit to the words. So it’s hard for me to say, on top of the fact that I don’t pay attention to that sort of thing. I mostly focus on meeting my quarterly writing goals.

So I’m kind of shouting into the void here because I feel really alone about some heavy emotions. I tried talking to one of my partners about this a week ago but it upset them personally so I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about this but I really need to get it off my chest.

When it comes to strangers and trust, I am biased against cis men. I really felt guilty about this for a while, but now I’m starting to think that it’s something I should necessarily change or feel bad about. I don’t know. I feel like I’m a shitty person but on the other hand I can’t deny that our culture socializes men from a young age to be aggressive and entitled. That’s a powerful influence, and honestly I don’t really want to gamble with my own personal safety by forcing myself to trust strangers.

This has also been a factor in my halfway closeted transness. Since I’m not confident in my ability to pass and I’m afraid of being assaulted, I use the women’s restroom. I really hate this because I feel like I’m invading a space not meant for me, and I worry a lot that I’m acting with entitlement especially considering how much worse the bathroom issue is for transwomen.

On one hand I feel like I should be able to prioritize my own safety, but on the other hand I feel like I’m being really sexist by not feeling safe in the men’s room. There are definitely other situations I’ve noticed this biase, but the bathroom is the one that has the most affect on my actions. Otherwise, it’s mostly how much I trust or sympathize with people on the internet. I don’t know.

the content literally no one asked for

  • Annabeth: "Knowledge" is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; "wisdom" is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • Piper: That was deep.
  • Leo: "Philosophy" is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie.
  • Jason: That was deeper.
  • Percy: "Common sense" is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie, you nasties.

i wish tumblr was more accepting and encouraging of problematic people unlearning their shitty behaviour and educating themselves and growing as people. im tired of labelling everyone as a demon because they made mistakes out of lack of education