these are shit but ; ;

They adjusted rather well i guess.

I recently “initiated” a few friends into the world of rpgs and pen and paper. After settling the character creation (they went with an elf fighter, a tiefling rouge and a gnome mage)  the party ran into a small goblin ambush in some woods wich they easily defeated.

Tiefling: “I search the bodies for valubles.”

DM(Me): *describes findings briefly*

Elf : “I search the bodies.”

DM: “But…the rouge did it already…”

Elf: “No…as in cut them open and look inside.”

DM: …

Tiefling: …

Gnome: …

DM: “Ok…well…you find entrails and blood…lots of them. The goblins now resemble a jigsaw puzzle more than anything else.“ 

Elf:” I now nail the body parts to the trees surrounbding the area.“

DM:…

Tiefling:…

Gnome(OOC under his breath) :” what the fuck…“

Long story short after the gnome threw up several times because of his alcohol problem combined with the over the top violence and the tiefling kept passing out, the group was murdered by abomination sewn together from the body parts of yet another bunch of goblins (the elf was bored) and then came to life after the gnome tried dabbling with necromancy.

anonymous asked:

Does your username (RivDev) imply that you were active on Deviantart? Cause imma flip if you can write like a god AND draw

Hahaha no, I’ve never posted on Deviantart. But I do actually do art stuff. It’s more to the ‘traditional’ side of things, though (whatever the fuck that really means🙃). I used to sell my paintings to make a bit of cash on the side when I was an undergrad. I just find I rarely have the time to paint/draw anymore. 

Here’s a little glimpse of the kinda stuff I do:

The party managed to subdue some would-be criminals in a series of skills checks and not via combat.
NPC mage: What happened out here?
Human Rogue: These guys tried to break into your mage tower. To be fair, it does look run down and abandoned at night
NPC Mage: It’s part of the glamour and it doesn’t matter, they couldn’t have entered anyway. I’ve put up a barrier since you guys broke in. I’ll go get the guard.

Shardmind Artificer: Are they wearing pants?
NPC Mage and guard, Rest of the Party, DM (me): WHAT…?!!!.
(Player meant to ask if the guys were wearing armor ooc)

Later, after rescuing kidnapped children.

Changeling Sorcerer: Yeah we rescued the orphans from the kidnappers.
NPC Mage: Oh thats good to hear although…
Human Rogue: Yeah, they’re not orphans, they have families.
Shardmind Artificer (out loud): They’re not orphans… yet.
Party, NPC Mage, and guard look at him .
Shardmind Artificer: What?. Their parents are still alive and they’re going to die eventually, ergo, they’re not orphans yet.

*Side note, the party’s Paladin of Sehanine managed to teach the rescued children how to pickpocket and aside from the rogue, no one else in the party suspects anything.

my stepdad does not contribute SHIT to he and my mom’s marriage and house and drains her finances and offers zero kind of emotional support and it bums me out bc my mom stays with him when he causes her so much stress. i come home and he’s literally sitting on the couch, watching golf, with dishes piled in the sink and–upon seeing me do the dishes and then sweep, he goes “ahh lots of cat hair?”

yeah you fucking worthless, mooching piece of shit. why don’t you show my mom some respect and basic kindness and get off your ass instead of only working when you feel like it, spending her money on camera equipment, and huffing and puffing about me living here for a couple of months as if you in any way paid for THIS HOUSE.