these are gross though sorry

anonymous asked:

What about team nice dynamite playing surgeon simulator on a real person

Oh jeez that gets awfully bloody awfully quickly. It’s definitely  one of their nastier games, which considering who they are and what they’ve done is really saying something.

The idea is probably born in Caleb’s office. Michael’s grumbling his way through stitches, reluctantly laughing as Gavin makes a nuisance of himself while he waits, opening draws, playing with tools, theorising about what everything does, miming out increasingly disturbing looking operations until Caleb finally banishes him back to the waiting chair under the threat of a first-hand demonstration.

Still, the idea is planted and not even a week goes by before Michael and Gavin decide to rob a hospital, pick up a few tools of their own, and play doctor. They get everything from scrubs and gloves to speciality instruments and various medications, alongside a few of their own concoctions and no small number of personal knives. Their ‘surgery’ is an abandoned warehouse; not even one of Geoff’s, just somewhere private where no one will notice them making a mess. And boy do they make a mess.

Their first involuntary patient is a very bad man indeed, cruel and nasty and just generally lacking in heart. So they take his out. Dig around for a bit, surprised by the effort it takes to get through the ribcage, wondering at the sheer amount of blood, the various strange bits and pieces they rummage through, organs they examine then toss to the floor to continue their quest. Astonishingly the patient does not survive, but they manage to extract the heart before it stops beating so at the end of the day they call it a successful endeavour.

For the next sorry contestant, who had the misfortune of witnessing something he shouldn’t have and running his mouth in the wrong company, there is a very delicate eye surgery, followed by a far less delicate experimentation to determine which vaguely eye-shaped objects found laying around the penthouse would make the best replacements.

There’s a dirty cop working for the wrong gang whose night ends with his brain on the floor, a noisy thorn in Geoff’s side who involuntarily donates his kidneys to science, a brief foray into dentistry leaves a crook without their teeth, an arms-dealer who got a bit too touchy loses an arm, and in a move that’s more petty than anything else, a wanna-be conman who thought he could manipulate Gavin of all people gets to accidentally teach them just how quickly a person can bleed out when they’re missing their tongue. 

With all the compassion of serial-killers, the selfish amusement of egocentric children and the in-built bravado born from the unwavering support of a best friend the only end in sight for this awful new game is the inevitable moment Team Nice Dynamite gets bored and moves on to something else.

The rest of the FAHC doesn’t know what they’re up to in their spare time but have seen enough shared looks and whispered plans to know they’re doing something, have witnessed more than enough of that particular brand of nasty delight to know it’s something devastating. Still, when casual inquiry reveals nothing more than a pair of matching grins, somewhat secretive and entirely wicked, it’s generally agreed that it’s best to just sit back and wait for the mayhem to roll in.

Which is all well and good for a while, but eventually Jeremy and Ryan are bored enough, curious enough, nosey enough to give up on patience and track them down. It’s not particularly difficult, they’re not really hiding, but what has been seen cannot be unseen and Jeremy, for one, desperately wishes he’d left Ryan to investigate on his own. Ryan stands in silence, reaction hidden behind his mask though Jeremy fancies that there’s something upsettingly amused in the way he surveys what is undoubtably a makeshift surgery, eyes sharply interested as they flick around the room, to the blood on the floor, the walls, to the body on the table, the wailing heart-monitor and an IV bag filled with something oddly glittery.

Jeremy is feeling slightly less impartial. Maybe it’s just the surprise of it all; he was expecting another firework bomb, maybe a kidnapped cop or the makings of an elaborate prank, anything other than the cold, still, Dexter-like vibe of this particular undertaking. It’s almost too much, too disturbing, even with everything the FAHC have done, everything he himself has done. Perhaps it shouldn’t be, maybe it’s no worse, not really, but in the shock of landing in what looks like a horror movie torture room Jeremy can’t help but think that this is something else, that this is terrible.  

Then Gavin tears through, squawking up a storm and holding two eyeballs up over his head like they’re watching Michael, who’s roaring with laughter and whirling something pink and fleshy around like a lasso as he gives chase, and just like that the moment is thoroughly broken. Ryan snorts, turning on his heel and heading out the way he came but Jeremy can’t quite make himself leave, can’t even stay silent, not when Michael slides through something unnamable, wiping out into a tray of instruments and going down under a bombardment of misplaces organs like the worlds goriest slapstick routine.

The sound has Gavin finally catching sight of Jeremy, eyes widening in shock before he grins, wild and disastrous as he crows out a greeting, calling for the illustrious Doctor Dooley to come in and save him from the heavy-handed fumblings of Doctor Jones, and honestly at that point there’s really little else Jeremy can do but start looking around the room for a spare pair of gloves.

Dry Spell

A smutty (with a touch of fluff) story in which y/n and Harry find themselves in a 24-day dry spell….and so she buys a vibrator. Things get fun.

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I hate it when people go about saying dancers aren’t athletes I mean seriously. Have you seen them? They do all this crazy acrobatic crap, have to have perfect technique, have to any act the same time, and look perfect at the same time. How many football players look majestic while playing? How many weird faces have you seen olympians make while competing? They look perfect at all times, no matter how hard and tiring their routine is. And they never let you see how tired they are afterwards. Don’t even get me started on injuries. If they sprain their ankle? Wrap it and keep going. Blister? Tape it and go. They will only stop when they literally cannot put weight on their foot or if something seems seriously wrong. Want proof? I’m an Irish dancer. We’re even wider than the average dancer. We wear wigs, short skirted long sleeve dresses, glue our socks on, and let our legs do most of the work. At my last dance competition, I sprained my ankle at the beginning of my dance. I went off stage, wrapped my ankle, did a few small exercises with it, and then went back on and redid my dance. (ps I got third place) if you don’t think dancers are hardcore then you’re wrong.

anonymous asked:

that was honestly one of the softest liveshows and my fave so far :(((( what do you think tiff??

im actually now going to rewatch it a second time (cause i missed the first part) so i’ll liveblog down my feelings as i go (SPOILER ALERT; I THINK.. DAN AND PHIL ARE IN LOVE,, SOFT HUSBANDS)

- dan in the white hat and kaonashi sweater and holding his pillow is the cutest and softest thing please, he’s the softest most good boy, a soft looking angel; phil dressing in black (/ mostly black) is the best thing that’s ever happened to us as a human species and we must bow to him, phil invented the color black
- THE BARISTA AND MUFFIN PUN STORY: THE PEAK OF GAY CULTURE
- they’re talking about merch for the shop, and yet why does it feel like they’re discussing which flowers to choose for their wedding ceremony—
- “we are in the room that’s not the room” pretty sure, like 10000% sure, it’s their room with the double bed where they sleep together every night
- phil called him DANNY with a deep voice and for 3 full seconds you can see dan got affected by it and i think that’s just lovely
- DAN IS SO FOND, SHUIT THE FRONTT DOOR
- they’re…..in Love…………..just my analysis
- phil looks like he wants to punch dan in the face but in the most fond way possible, if he tried to punch him rn tiny hearts would come out of it
- PHIL phiL Phil phil  P HIL   P H I    L phIL phill phill l lpHIOL   P   H   I    L
- dan: “i’m wearing a hat cause im fluffy” YES YOU ARE I CAN CONFIRM, THE FLUFFIEST BOYE :((((((
- something tells me dan likes phil but im not sure because he’s only said his name 18297234379597 times maybe i am mistaken……
- phil and dan smiling together? true love is real and alive
- “PHIL, BITE YOUR LIP AGAIN” you might think dan was reading the chat but i was actually there next to him and he just said that by himself (his face when phil did it though? he felt Something)
- sorry for being gross and cheesy but dan’s laugh can make flowers grow
- dan pretending not to know what the chapstick challenge is…. pls…. what a phake, im sure he’s filmed it with phil and the .mp4 is hidden somewhere in his computer, i dont believe this
- phil: “i’m not gonna put it in your mouth”…… i have things to say but im not gonna say them, i think dan’s face when he says that is self explanatory
- this guessing game shouldn’t be as cute as it is but since the 2 boyfriends are doing it then it looks like i just dipped my whole body in honey (the honey is a metaphor for Real Love)
- WHY ARE THEY SO FOND, WHO ALLOWED ME TO SEE THIS WITH MY OWN TWO SEEING BALLS
- is it just me or dan got more comfortable in phil’s liveshows?? i remember he said he wasnt comfortable much in phil’s liveshows but he really does seem more comfortable to me now [cries softly]
F         O          N           D
- how phil said he’s going to reblog more fanart and “showcase” the posts we make and “boost the artists”, i love him so muchhch what a good man ;______;   [btw PLEASE @ PEOPLE, DONT POST EMBARRASSING THINGS IN THE TAG, THE MAN IS LURKIN]
- “💓💓💓💓💓SERIOUSLY💓💓💓💓💓💓WHAT IS WRONG💓💓💓💓💓💓💓WITH THIS GUY💓💓💓💓💓”
- update: dan and phil are in love
- “THIS IS WHY I INTERRUPT PHIL, BECAUSE i love him HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT HE’S SAYING AND I’M so in love with him  NICE LIKE THAT”
- “💖💖💖💖💖💖💖PHIL💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 WHAT A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖”
- when phil was scared of dan spraying him, that was……………..too cute
- “i got some quinoa” “are you going to give me some quinoa?” “do you want some quinoa?” “yeah, cook me some quinoa” i literally feel like the most third wheel person to have ever third wheeled, what is this
- “if you don’t know who this guy is it’s DAN💕💕💕💕 DANIEL 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 LOOK HIM UP 💕💕💕💕💕 IT’S DANIEL HOWELL 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕”
- last update of the day: dan and phil are in 100% Love

::::::::::
my conclusion: SOFT 10000000000000/10, IN LOVE 1000000000000000∞

8

Still going by Devereaux?

Junior:…..WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BAR!

Mel: you want the long story?

Mil: or the short story?

Junior: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE STORY TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!

Mil: Eddie burned down the bar.

Mel: its not his fault though!

Junior: HOW IS IT NOT HIS FAULT!

Mel: well there was a fight and eddie try to seperate it….a guy through alcohol…..eddie started to light on fire.

Mil: and thats how your bar is now gone. He did apologies though.

*junior gross sobbing*

oh my god can you imagine planning to go out with your boyfriend calum and a couple of your friends on halloween but it’s absolutely pouring outside. like you guys are waiting in line for the fun bar in your college town (and that freaking line wraps all the way around the block) and its raining cats and dogs and you definitely forgot it was supposed to rain and wore white (yeah that was kinda dumb). So you get almost to the front of the line, and all of you are soaked to the bone but you’re pretty sure you’re gonna suck it up and finish waiting to get in, but some guy comes by and informs you guys that the cover that night is 20 dollars like hell no. So y'all head back to calum’s apartment and dry off and he’s being so sweet and letting your friends borrow his clothes like the angel he is and takes y'all out to Waffle House (because let’s be real, if you’re not partying, Waffle House is the next best place to be) and honestly boyfriend calum would be the actual best oh my god