these are going to be out of order

MY DAY WAS JUST MADE!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like these stories are cliché or fake but like 100 % this is amazing.

I got some KFC and they asked for my name, I said “Clexa” (because im trash) he wrote it down and like five minutes later a different person read my receipt and called out “order for wanheda and heda to go!”

But, BITCH, what happened when I walked up to the counter!?

They gave me the receipt not the take out bag and whispered “Tu gonplei ste odon.”

Then I said “may we meet again.”

And… they gave me my order and said “when we owe nothing more to our people.”

Did I mention that the worker was a brunette female?

Special Instructions (4/?)

Summary: Drunk Emma really likes pizza. She also really happens to like the cute delivery guy who seems content to carry out all of her wishes via the “Special Instructions” box on the website. (AO3)
Rating: E (fuck it, I’m upping the rating bc I know this will turn into filthy smut by the end)
Word Count: ~3000
Chapters: One Two Three

well this was a bitch to rewrite since the original chapter got accidentally deleted. sorry for the wait, babes. have some UST. 🍕😏

reader requested tag: @lenfaz @ilovemesomekillianjones @like-waves-on-the-beach @emmaswanchoosesyou

.

Special instructions: spook me!

It had been nearly a month since Emma had gotten stupid drunk at home and thrown herself at the very attractive pizza guy whose name she now knew was Killian Jones.

Jones, as in, “Jones Bros. Pizza.” Literally his last name, and apparently a poorly executed cartoon caricature of his fucking face, was on the logo on every pizza box she’d gotten from them and she’d had no idea. She hadn’t really given a flying fuck to the name of the place before; she just knew that they had a website, online ordering, quick delivery since they were located only a few blocks north of her apartment, and actually great tasting pizza that wasn’t hit-or-miss like the big chains.

With that revelation came another: Killian was not a delivery boy.

Well, he wasn’t supposed to be one. He was co-owner of the place, along with his older brother, and only went out on deliveries if he was filling in for a sick employee, or if he needed a break from the atmosphere (read: his overbearing brother), or, as it turned out, if her name came up on the order list. (He’d been sick the night that his sister-in-law had delivered to her sober self; go figure.)

It had been a pretty damned good feeling to know she got special treatment. After their first encounter, he’d been “captivated” and felt “compelled to see her again” (his words) – yeah; sweatpants, HANGRY, hot mess Emma in all her broken-hearted glory. She sent him a middle finger emoji as a reply to that particular text message, assuming that he was being a sarcastic ass but somehow knowing that beneath it all he was probably sincere.

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Turf Wars Leak

Heads up, there are leaked images of the “Turf Wars” circulating the internet. Don’t check the korrasami or turf wars tags to avoid spoilers.

Support @prom-knight and everyone who worked really hard to give us quality content by pre-ordering the comics on amazon.  Don’t let their hard work go to waste despite these leaks. 

I know July seems far away but I think we can wait a little longer. It’s not like we didn’t wait a long time for a new season of our beloved series to air? Quite frankly, I’d also like to read the comics with its full-page glory when it comes out so that I can fully have the experience of savoring the story. 

All Of Me

Surprise @amaranthine-reign!!! I remember talking to you throughout the week and I know it was a rough one…a ROUGH one. So I decided to write something for you. Some of these lines may look familiar to you! I got some ideas from your prompt list!!

My darling, I truly hope you enjoy it!!!

Pairing: Marty Scurll x Reader

****SMUT WARNING****

Originally posted by trentsevenss

You dragged yourself through the front door of your home. You were away on a business trip and it was complete and utter hell.

If it wasn’t the other people you had to interact with being complete assholes, it was your immediate superior being the same and the hotel you had to stay at…you swore it was haunted. It creeped you out enough that you had to move something in front of the door and even that didn’t fell reassuring. You didn’t get a whole lot of sleep over the four days you were there because of your next door neighbor acting crazy. And when you were finally able to change your room, you had to endure an arguing couple on your floor.

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To celebrate reaching 2,000 followers, I’m doing my first ever Follow Forever!  Follow these lovely people, you won’t be disappointed!  I was going to try and make this super organized and alphabetized but i couldn’t figure it out so it’s just one big ass list under the cut! lol  These are in NO PARTICULAR ORDER!

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pestilos  asked:

The Ellimist Chronicles!

Short opinion: Other books in the series make the point that war is not a chess game.  This book emphasizes that idea—through showing us what it takes to view war as a chess game.

Long opinion:

The Ellimist Chronicles might be the novel with the single largest scope of any book I’ve ever read: it tells the story of how a god becomes a god.  Part of what makes this book so cool and also so creepy is the sense of fatalism and foreboding that pervades it throughout.  Between the Ketrans, the Pangabans, the Jallians, and the Capasins, not to mention all the species casually sacrificed in the Ellimist’s games, we see like 8 different sentient species go extinct over the course of this book.  Add to that the fact that it opens and closes on the death of an Animorph—no telling which one at that point in the series—and this book almost appears to be setting up for the fall of humanity to the yeerk empire.  And our narrator is not the most reassuring one: he expresses empathy for Rachel, yes, but he also plays the yeerk-human war like a game, and we know for a fact that he wouldn’t be unduly inconvenienced if the humans were to lose.  Which is pretty goshdarn uncomfortable to read about, because in this particular game we’re the pawns. 

It’s a huge theme in the Animorphs series that war is NOT a chess game, or even comparable to a chess game (or any other game for that matter) in any meaningful way, not if you’re even a halfway-decent person.  War is about deciding which people from your own side should die horribly in the process of attempting to ensure which people from the other side die horribly, a course of action that should only be undertaken as an absolute last resort after all other choices have been exhausted.  The idea that it’s not even appropriate or good to make that comparison comes up again and again (MM3, #11, #16, Andalite Chronicles). In #53 Jake sums it up: “At the beginning of the American Civil War, both sides thought the war was about taking or holding cities and ports. They thought it was a chess game. By the end of the war, they’d figured out that they weren’t playing chess… The real game was destruction…They burned enemy homes and farms. They burned crops in the field and slaughtered farm animals and wrapped railroad tracks around trees. They starved the enemy. They realized that warfare was no longer about chivalry and honor, but about killing the enemy. Do whatever it takes… Dress it up however you want, that’s what war is about. If there’s glory in there somewhere, I must have missed it.”  

Jake is right, of course, that he’s not playing a chess game.  At that point in the series, he’s deciding whether he’s willing to kill his brother and sacrifice his cousin in order to protect his species.  He’s already made the decision to give up on saving his parents in order to blow up the yeerk pool.  These are his family members and friends on the line, not rooks or bishops… and no matter what he does, some of them are going to die.  Jake’s also a decent human being, enough to realize that the taxxons have families too, that many of them are not there by choice, but that’s the only way he has out of this situation: kill the enemy.  

Anyway, back to the Ellimist.  Who can experience the devastation of losing his own species for decades after the death of the ketrans, but doesn’t spare more than a moment of annoyance for the annihilation of the pangabans. Who exists so far above the lives and concerns of ordinary beings that he can see their entire existence playing out in a matter of seconds.  Who is so far removed from those ordinary lives that he is largely incapable of understanding them at all.  He doesn’t have family members on the line, he doesn’t see the world through the taxxons’ eyes—and he’s therefore just ruthless enough to destroy six children in order to save a species that he considers worth saving.  Jake might be horrified that Crayak uses child-soldiers as his ultimate weapon (#26) but also seems to overlook the fact that the Ellimist uses EXACTLY THE SAME TACTIC when he recruits the Animorphs.  

It’s obvious right from the very first book that the Animorphs universe isn’t run by a benevolent or all-powerful god.  What makes this book so mind-blowing is that it shows that the god of this universe is powerful, he’s well-intentioned… and he’s still not only very limited, but also kind of a jerk a lot of the time.  Toomin does his best to encourage species to thrive and grow as they naturally would, he shows enormous fondness for the infinite variations of life in the universe, and he does what he can to protect life in the universe.  

He also just happens to be condescending as fuck.  

The narration of The Ellimist Chronicles does a really good job of showing why, exactly, Toomin tends to think of ordinary beings as “small” or “helpless,” since he watches the rise and fall of entire civilizations in about one subjective afternoon most of the time—but he also spends a hell of a lot of time describing the hardworking autonomous people whose lives he casually manipulates as “tiny” or some synonym thereof.  There’s no obligation or external stricture which says that he has to care about ordinary beings—and indeed Crayak seems much more comfortable not caring at all—so one can appreciate how much he works at it.  However, he also doesn’t quite get to the level of thinking of humans as (for lack of a better term) fully human: they’re chess pieces, he moves them around, and if he has to sacrifice a few then oh well.  He doesn’t ask whether they’d like to be moved in advance, he doesn’t incessantly turn over possibilities until he finds the one with the least bloodshed, and he certainly doesn’t have a long conversation with Rachel about whether she’s willing to die before it happens.  He sees possibilities and acts on them.  Because he’s a gamer, and they are game pieces.  Who cares what a knight thinks, as long as it’s not in the trajectory of the opposing bishop?  

Toomin tries, to be sure, but he doesn’t think like a human leader and he doesn’t treat his “pieces” like equals or even underlings.  He might even know Cassie’s favorite bands or Jake’s scoring record in basketball (who knows?) but he probably doesn’t consider that information to be particularly important.  Because he’s a gamer, to his core, and he thinks like a gamer.  And Jake and Cassie are just NPCs to him.  

Video games (and to a lesser extent tabletop games) represent this odd nebulous space whose meaning tends to defy interpretation.  The questions that everyone from social psychologists to communication researchers to philosophers to television shows to gamers themselves have asked (What, if anything, does one’s in-game behavior say about one’s true personality?  Does performing certain behaviors in-game influence one’s habits in the real world?  How much does shooting a person during a game have to do with one’s actual willingness to shoot a person if put in that situation in real life?) reflect the sheer bizarre extremity of in-game behavior.  Because the fact of the matter is, the vast majority of people engage in utterly reprehensible actions while playing games that they would never engage in during real interactions.  I myself have crashed spaceships into planets, driven cars off the road using my own vehicle, stabbed people in the gut, and shot unarmed prisoners in the head—because it’s all part of the game.  And it’s just a game, right?  Who cares how I win?

If those were real people, they’d sure as hell care.  If I was a general who only thought of a war as like a game, I’d be no better than Visser Three.  (One of the better moments of dark humor in Visser: the Council of Thirteen considers sympathy for humans a crime punishable by death and execution of several thousand underlings a crime punishable by temporary exile.)  In a lot of ways, Toomin’s perspective on humans has more in common with the yeerks’ or even Crayak’s.  He needs people like Jake and Rachel and Elfangor and Arbron to win this war for him.  

So, yeah, Toomin is a gamer—and it’s almost a natural consequence that he throws lives away any time it’s convenient for him.  He’s not human, he’s not an andalite, and he doesn’t appreciate individuals the way he does entire species.  K.A. Applegate achieves a masterwork by not only giving us the realistic-feeling origin story of a god, but doing so in a way that creates rules which genuinely fit with the Animorphs world as we know it.  

“Subvert the social and civil order! Aye, I would destroy, to the last vestige, this mockery of order, this travesty upon justice! Break up the home? Yes, every home that rests on slavery! Every marriage that represents the sale and transfer of the individuality of one of its parties to the other! Every institution, social or civil, that stands between man and his right; every tie that renders one a master, another a serf; every law, every statute, every be-it-enacted that represents tyranny; everything you call American privilege that can only exist at the expense of international right.
Now cry out, ‘Nihilist-disintegrationist !’
Say that I would isolate humanity, reduce society to its elemental state, make men savage! It is not true. But rather than see this devastating, cankering, enslaving system you call social order go on, rather than help to keep alive the accursed institutions of Authority, I would help to reduce every fabric in the social structure to its native element.”
― Voltairine de Cleyre, The Voltairine de Cleyre Reader

changed my commish email to serglecommissions@gmail.com!

I decided that using my personal email for commissions was:

1. hurting my organization. i do my best to be organized, but it just wasn’t working. occasionally orders would get lost, and that’s unacceptable to me.
2. stressing me out. it’s sort of like having office hours be OPEN: all days of week, all hours of day. it’s going to be helpful for me to choose to take a weekend away from my commission contacts and whatnot.

From now on, if someone would like to order some art, or ask me about an order they’ve already placed, that’ll be the email to use!

Also, my commissions menu, for those who’re newly curious:

anonymous asked:

hey, idk if this is the blog to ask regarding the journal 3 se but holy fu king hell ive only gotten into the fandom recently and this whole preorder thing is killing me. is it really still a limited edition??? will alex not release more books for those who didnt get to preorder??? WHY IS BARNES AND NOBLE STILL OPEN FOR PREORDERS???? FIRST OF ALL THEIR SERVICE IS SHIT AND IM 78% SURE YOU WONT EVEN GET THE BOOK but like??? amazon has theirs closed?? do i dare order from b&n??? im dying

Man, the limited edition was even MORE limited if you believe it. There were originally only going to be 1,000 copies made but the pre-orders sold out by the end of the first day. We’re honestly lucky BN apparently still has some? So, better get on that now if you still want it. Lol.

I honestly don’t know why Disney continues to underestimate this fandom’s dedication. You know the only reason we even got a regular Journal 3 was because a bunch of Disney merch people came to one of the GF panels at a con and were finally convinced by the fan enthusiasm. (Panel rooms ALWAYS got full beforehand with many still waiting in line unable to get in. They never gave Alex the biggest room for them, unfortunately.)

(This is also an unsubtle hint for everyone to join the letter writing campaign to get Gravity Falls on DVD.)

And welcome to the fandom!
Veil

I think people are misunderstanding something. I’m taking this way back to season one when a few people thought she was acting out of character for giving Tilda the poison. She wasn’t telling Tilda “go kill the widow” it was more of like if you feel like you don’t want to be apart of the widows plans anymore then here is a poison. If you actually think for the slightest second about killing the widow then you know you don’t want to follow her orders anymore but if you don’t even think about killing her then Tilda wants to stand by the widow.

It wasn’t intended for the widow to ever get killed. Veil knew if she killed a baron people would go after her . I feel like Tilda’s character understood the reason behind the poison also because when MK was there she was questioning the widow a little and Tilda was unsure of herself. Odessa this season is making Tilda even more uncertain about the widow and Veil’s situation with Quinn too.

It wasn’t Veil being OOC but her giving Tilda a choice. Tilda made her decision to stay with the widow but look now she going to start questioning the widow motives. That’s going back to Veil explaining to Tilda the Widow isn’t really all that good. Tilda’s eyes are opening. Even if Veil didn’t give her the poison Tilda would still doubt the widow in the end.

Being boring?

As said before she’s the only doctor. Creates mimics. Can read. She might not be able to fight but she can outsmart people. Can’t expect all the women on the show to be the same.

How can some people honestly say “Oh I like how all the characters are different” and then say “Veil can’t fight she’s boring?”

Question! What’s the difference you like?

And also when I watched a few martial arts films way back the girls the main character liked couldn’t all fight. You’ll see them to the side crying to whoever the main guy is fighting telling them to stop and they weren’t boring to me. Veil doesn’t even whine lol I’m so confused.

TalesFromTheFrontDesk: The tale of the Bosnian lady who wasted everyone's time.

Hello everyone, I recently found this sub and I posted the story of a customer flippin shit at me for a simple request. I have a couple more stories involving this hotel, so I’m just gonna post one a day until I run out. Hope you enjoy!

So this one is weird but not a screamer so sorry if it’s boring or you consider me a boring writer. Lol

One day we had this couple come in and order a room and wanted to stay for five days. We give em a room, no ones the wiser. As days go on we keep getting more and more complaints of arguing coming from their room. Just 24/7 non stop bitching at each other, and this was confirmed by simply having a 5 minute interaction with them. These people seriously couldn’t talk normally, every conversation was a screaming match. They screamed at each other for rights of who goes first through the front door, not even kidding.

One night I was working my normal shift, and the couple leave to go to the convenient store across the street. About 5 minutes later they both come in SCREAMING and freaking out. The woman is claiming that her leg is broken.

She walked with a very slight limp over to the lobby chair and wouldn’t stop freaking out. I’ve had basic first aid training so I inspect her leg, put pressure on it and she was Fucking fine but she insisted it was broken. She gets on the phone with her mother and I ask her husband what happened.

Apparently they were about to cross the street and the husband told her to wait until it was clear but she said and I quote “fuck that I want to go now.” She subsequently tripped in the street and most likely moderately twisted her ankle at the very most, she was able to walk on it fine before and the limp seemed staged, but It definitely wasn’t broken.

The woman insists I call an ambulance, I say ma'am I’m quite sure you’re fine I don’t think an ambulance is necessary… “NO I WANT A FUCKING AMBULANCE MY MOTHER SAID I SHOULD GET ONE GET ME AN AMBULANCE NOW.” I’m like what the fuck ever.

I get on the phone and I say these exact words. “Yeah I’m sorry but I have a very unreasonable foreign couple here at my hotel that is demanding an ambulance for an injury that most people would deem unimportant.” The dispatch laughed and was nice, they sent an ambulance.

The paramedic comes in, looks at the situation of this woman freaking out, looks at me, I shrug my shoulders and laugh and so does he. He finds nothing wrong with her leg and says the same thing to her, you’re fine.

Couple of cops show up just as standard procedure. They’re talking to me and I explain the story and they start laughing too. They end up taking her away on a stretcher to a hospital about a mile away tops. As they all begin to leave the cops noticed How it’s made was on talking about lithium batteries, so I just had a squad of about 4 cops just sitting in my lobby shooting the shit watching how its made it was pretty amusing lol.

About 3 hours later she comes back. They Fucking WALKED back from the hospital. They gave her an x ray and tested her fully the whole nine yards, and all they found out was that she was further along in her pregnancy than they previously thought.

Personally I think they were just trying to abuse the medical system, but who the fuck knows.

That’s my story, hope people find it interesting haha.

TL;DR Bosnian couple tripped in street, claimed her leg was broken, made me call an ambulance, she was flippin fine

Edit: As an addendum, imagine Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka. That’s what her voice sounded like just with a thicker accent.

By: conradwinkles

anonymous asked:

US/UF/SF skelebros whose s/o show up on their doorstep, completely freaked out, because somebody broke into the s/o's house.

Red:  He asks what was taken and, after reassuring you and comforting you in his own little way, heads out to the pawn shops.  Theft is pretty common in Underfell, though he’s not exactly savvy with above ground thievery, he figures it can’t be that different.  

Edge:  He is immediately heading over to your house to set up some traps.  This will never happen again, he makes sure of it!  Honestly he probably already had a few traps set up; it’s surprising anybody was able to get in in the first place.  They must have been very persistent!!  But now there is a gauntlet of death one must go through in order to access your domicile.  Perfect!  Except… now you can’t get in either.  Hm.  There is no other choice!  You must move in with him.  This is very fortuitous but he was not planning this at all.  At all!!!

Blue:  “OH NO!  I AM SO SORRY DATEMATE!  COME, SIT DOWN, I WILL GET YOU SOMETHING TO EAT AND DRINK!  DO NOT WORRY, I WILL ASSIST YOU!!”  He is with you the entire time, keeping your mood up while helping you clean up the mess, and he is right by your side while you’re calling the police or your insurance company.

Honey:  He’s mostly offering support and advice, suggesting you ask your neighbors if they saw anything, helping you clean up, telling jokes to brighten up your mood.  When he shows up to clean he’s wearing groucho-marx classes held on with tape, and you find candies in your pocket until the whole thing is a distant memory.

Black:  Black read Sherlock Holmes recently.  But he is not Sherlock Holmes.  He goes to your house looking for any clues to who might have done this, the vagabond who broke into his love’s home and disturbed their sense of safety, so he can hunt them down and give them justice.  But he doesn’t find any clues, and is sulky about that.  “… I DECIDED, INSTEAD… IT WOULD BE FASTER IF YOU JUST MOVED IN WITH ME!  TO KEEP THAT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN!”

Puppy:  He asks if you’re alright, offering his bed for the night if you don’t want to sleep in your house tonight, he can sleep on the couch.  He gets that when somebody breaks in it can completely screw with your sense of safety, the sanctity of ‘home.’  Or he can sleep over at your house, whatever you need to feel safe.  Honestly he prefers sleeping on the couch, it’s no bother at all.  And he suggests you check nearby pawn shops, based on his experience Underground.  He’ll even come with if you want.  And after he’ll treat you to a shake or something, this has got to be stressful.  He’s really sorry this happened.

I don’t know how anyone can hate her. You may dislike her but you don’t even know her enough to hate her. From what I know about her she has such a kind heart and is so humble. If anyone thinks that the comments she made were to hurt anyone you are so wrong. She was giving her team constructive criticism. Everyone wants to win,nobody likes the feeling of losing but in order to do that everyone needs to be giving 100% including Ashlyn.I bet you not one person on that team were hurt from the comments she made. They are never going to get anywhere as a team if there weaknesses are not discussed. People say things out of frustration and if you were in the same situation you would say the same thing. As a captain it’s her job to lead her team to victory and as professional football players they are expected to be able to take constructive criticism in order to succeed.

So To all the people that “hate” her and always have snide remarks to make about her online. Just know that things are changing and soon people will be held accountable for what they say online. Huge wake up call soon for some people.

anonymous asked:

How the heck are you able to download / upload flipnotes?? I've had flipnote studio 3D for awhile and I can't figure it out :/

Oh! Well there is a way to do it via Network Discovery on a PC!

http://en-americas-support.nintendo.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/14218/~/how-to-use-microsd-management-to-move-files-between-a-new-nintendo-3ds-xl-and-a

This is what I did in order to transfer files. Make sure you export the original animation to either a .gif or a .avi prior to, take a picture of the folder it says it’s in, and once you do the steps in the above link, just go to those folders and you’ll find them there!

anyway my personal ‘carry’ picks for uprising all heroes are, in rough order: bastion, hanzo, pharah, orisa, mccree.

most of the cast is pretty damn viable in this gamemode, some obviously better than others (with bastion, orisa, rein, mercy being the all heroes meta if you’re like… going for legendary or whatever).

  • genji: one of the less useful ones, but it’s easy to land m1 headshots, deflect takes out most of a turret bastion’s hp, long range
  • mccree: ez headshots, ult doesn’t suck in pve (remember junk’s revenge?), ok range
  • pharah: can destroy many bots at once, ult is good for groups and elites, long range
  • reaper: haven’t played him yet but his ult is good and he tears shit up at close range
  • sombra: ez headshots, hack stops bots + their shields completely, emp can melt a detonator if timed correctly
  • tracer: ez headshots, mobile, with some self hp recovery, good ult
  • bastion: god.
  • hanzo: ez headshots, scatter OHKOs, great ult, long range
  • junkrat: same as pharah minus the range, traps can be useful
  • mei: ez headshots, not great dps but her ult can be ok, long range
  • torb: ez headshots, turret and ult are good, long range
  • widow: ez headshots, but like genji she’s less useful even with consistent headshots
  • d.va: ez headshots,can’t shield cart but her ult is pretty good and she can do good damage
  • orisa: ez headshots, shield is great, m2 is useful, fortify can be really good in a pinch when shit’s firing from all directions, ult is useful, good dps, good range
  • rein: shield is great, m1 and firestrike can do solid dmg, charge works great against erads and dets if timed correctly
  • hog: i don’t think i’ve seen a single person playing hog
  • winston: can hit multiple targets, shield is useful, gets full crits on dets, ult can be good for reviving teammates or just knocking shit around
  • zarya: can get solid charge during the payload hold phase for good dps, ult can be very good if timed correctly, bubbles are useful, medium range
  • ana: high healrate and can dps, dart and biobomb are useful, ult depends on teammates, long range
  • lucio: can heal multiple targets, ult is good
  • mercy: ez headshots, best healer for this gamemode, easily. ult is good, long range
  • zen: ez headshots, can heal and dps, disc is useful, ult is good and can be used like lucio’s to help teammates manually revive someone (or prevent them from dying), long range
  • symm: high dps, turrets are good if placed correctly, shield gen is helpful, m2 adds some ranged capabilities for bastion murder

just remember when your teammate picks hanzo, that means they didn’t pick widow

Hah. With such a simple story as that, Olivier called them troublemakers and ordered them to get out.

Or rather, that’s what she would have liked to say. But she’s interested in Alkahestry as well. (Whew!)

Uh. Huh. A lady of action, this one. She’s taking the hunt for May Chang solely into her own hands. Meanwhile, the Elrics are to stay in the fort and “work.”

She also gave an order to Major Miles, who replied from off screen, but I’m going to assume it was the dark-shades-white-hair fellow.

I’m not feeling too great about her wanting to utilize Alkahestry as a weapon, because (as Alphonse pointed out) it’s meant for medicinal purposes. But who am I to judge her? This territory is harsh and the land of Drachma, to the north, is apparently a constant threat.

TalesFromRetail: Are you deaf? Am I? Are all of us?

So I work at a bookstore and this threw me yesterday. I’m walking around helping people and I saw a lady who looked like she was on a mission.

Me: “Hi, is there a certain book you were looking for?”

Lady: Looks at me and nods but doesn’t say anything.

Okaaaay… Me: “What book are you looking for?”

Lady: Fishes a magazine clipping of a book out of her purse and hands it to me, so I go look it up.

I don’t have this in the store and I’m starting to think maybe this lady is deaf because of how she’s acting. I wanted to tell her I could order it but had a mini-debate with myself about how to do it. Should I write everything down so she doesn’t have to read my lips? What if she’s not actually deaf and is like “Why the hell didn’t you just tell me this?” Or what if she is deaf but has wicked good lip-reading skills and is insulted?

I decided to just verbally tell her that I could order the book, how long it would take, etc., but that I would enunciate really well to make the lip-reading easier. So I overexaggerate everything I’m saying and when I’m finished practcally making fish faces, this happens.

Lady: “Oh no, that’s ok. Thank you.”

Dude, WTF? Here I am thinking you’re all deaf and mute and you just didn’t want to talk to me! I was baffled.

By: tree_lined_mind

I watched The X-Files for the first time all out of order. Season 1 in 2009. Then season 6 about two years ago, then 7 then 8 then IWTB (no comment) then 5 then Fight the Future then 3 then 4 then 2 then 1 (again). It made sense at the time mostly because I was in denial about the fact that I was going to end up watching the whole show. Anyways. I forget where in there I started reading fic but I remember I tried to read Iolokus about four times and couldn’t do it because Mulder and Scully were cruel in a way that kinda hurt. 

It wasn’t until after I’d seen the whole show and then really (re)watched all of season 4 and 5 in order that I finally got it. Because I was kind of angry by the end of season 5. So much use of Scully as a vehicle for violation. So much fear about bodies and reproduction being translated into either glib comedy or overwrought trauma. I remember I took notes on season 1 that first time way back when, and they mostly amounted to “Scully is so pretty and why the fuck do they keep hurting her.” And that never really stops, ever, in the show. I like season 5 a lot, honestly, it has great stuff, but by the end of it I needed catharsis, and not the romantic catharsis that most fic supplies. I needed something angry. And Iolokus is furious. It gets the black humor about reproductive horror right that stuff like The Postmodern Prometheus tries to do and gets so wrong. 

Hard to articulate why the latter gets it wrong. It’s too cute, too glib, too meta, too male-focused even though I don’t think it’s arbitrarily rapey. The show isn’t so tone-deaf that it would sandwich a (seemingly) silly story about women being forcibly impregnated with monsters between two arcs like Redux and Emily for no reason at all. The episode has constant talk of reproductive failure and violation. Lines like “You can’t plant seeds in a barren field” or “They had their frying pans…violated” or “That’s not a place you want to burn a guy.” TPP is going for a satire of something, it just doesn’t really know what. Because it doesn’t really seem to know what about the thing it’s trying to satirize is actually horrible or horrifying (rape? small towns? bigotry about small towns? bigotry in small towns? romance? narratives? the fact that we don’t get happy endings?). 

But Iolokus does. It’s not always fun to read, but it puts its focus in the right place (in any place): making its Scully brutally agentic, and its world bloody and visceral. Pretty much the opposite of the way the show handles women. Iolokus comes from the same place as something like Bridesmaids almost, weirdly, stories where women shit in sinks and it’s funny in a non-cheap way. It lets women participate in horror in a complicated and full-spectrum way, basically, thereby satirizing not just the shittiness of body horror, but also the repression of it. That’s coherent, and satisfying.

i’m trying to remind myself that not everyone is going to like me.

and that’re perfectly okay. it doesn’t mean i am whatever adjective i am calling myself at the time (negative self talk). it just means we aren’t meant to be friends! it’s nothing personal (hopefully)

that’s perfectly okay. not everyone is going to like me, just like how i don’t like everybody.

i’m sorry i’m not sorry for all these posts tonight. i am processing a lot and trying to not slip back into old patterns and i need to talk about things out loud in order to understand how i am feeling. 

if you don’t want to see these post anymore just blacklist ramsey rambles

Lemme Tell a Gay Ole Tale

Ok so I’m posting this just in case anyone can’t read my plethora of tags ok and I’m super fucking proud of it

As I said, I worked @ wally world 4 a stocking agency a family friend owned. My mom was the main one working under them, I just helped.

So we normally went in there around 11, didn’t get out till fucking 3am the first night, it was wild.

But as we got quicker and easier, I would go down to our local McDonnies Hellhole™ and get a snack

Well my GAY ASS saw the most beautiful girl there- Long brown hair, green eyes, bright smile

Her name was something like Alluna or something that reminded me of the fucking Sun and moon and it was just gorgeous

I stumbled all over my order and  i just

I wanted to tell a pick up line related to mcdonalds??????????

LITERALLY WORKED ON IT FOR WEEKS ALRIGHT

“HEY IF I GET A HAPPY MEAL, WILL YOU BE MY CUTIE?????”

I NEVER DID IT THOUGH R I P MY SELF ESTEEM LMFAOO