The Overshare: 21 Facts About Me

What’s this? Me thinks I have a little influx of followers today? Hola lovelies. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

1. My name is Melody and I’m 34 yrs old.

2. I am 5’9

3. I weigh 147 lbs.

4. I used to weigh 274 lbs

5. I will always be a person who struggles with weight and exercise and I’m ok with that. I’ve learned this isn’t a “found the gold at the end of the rainbow” situation, it’s a lifelong process.

6. Selfies make me feel awkward. I post a few so people remember what I look like, but I tend to shy away. Probably some deep-seeded issue with confidence. Sigh. Oh well. Add it to the list.

7. I was married once. He was a complete and total ass who told me I was unlovable because I was fat. I left him in the dust. End of Story.

8. I have 2 little girls Livia 12 and Emilie 10. Intelligent with sarcastic sharp tongues and butter soft hearts…. my favorite kinda people.

9. I am in a long-term cohabitating relationship with this guy. Chris is pretty much the most patient and generous person on the planet. We love him hardcore.

10. I have a bestie. We’ve been besties for 24 years. We are bound to each other forever by blood oaths, disgusting secrets and scary closet skeletons. She’s my soul mate.

11. I have a 6 year old birman cat who I like more than most everything. Her name is Khaleesi and she is the ruler of our home.

12. I live in Kentucky.… The founding home of Derby, Bourbon, Cheeseburgers, Corvettes, George Clooney, and Johnny Depp. Basically all good things.

13. I play ukulele and guitar and occasionally sing in a local rock band.

14. I can be instantly cheered up from almost any bad mood with Disney cartoons, baby elephant gifs, Amy Pond with the Doctor episodes and absolutely anything Harry Potter.

15. I have two tattoos.

When I was 17 I went to Daytona Beach on Spring Break and the last thing my mom said to me before I walked out the door was “Don’t come back with a tattoo.” don’t think I need to finish the story.

16. If I could afford it, I’d eat seafood every day for the rest of days. Forever. and ever. ever.

17. I am ALMOST un-offendable. I figure life is too short to be pissed all the time. If I took all the stupid things people said to heart, I’d just want to punch people in the face 100% of the time. That’s no fun. Exception: bad, slow, or self-entitled drivers. Wooooo that shit burns me up.

18. I don’t like cake or peanut butter or ice cream.

Please don’t kick me out of the Tumblr club. There are exceptions to this statement, but extremely few.

19. I despise cold weather. The hotter it is outside the happier I am.

20. I have almost died 3 times.

my body likes to keep things exciting.

21. I am obsessed with the beach, but have a severe phobia of shark attacks (traumatic childhood experience) so I don’t get in the water.

*eep panic*

Me in a tiny, neurotic, but mostly loveable nutshell. Glad you stopped by and can’t wait to see more of you :)

Love, peace, and dear lord hurry up and finish typing cuz that gif is freaking me the fuck out….

♥ Mel @theroadtoslimcity

Last week I got 100% committed and back on the food wagon. Totally rocked it.

Today, I decided to up the ante and add P90x to my workout schedule.  I’m clearly a masochistic asshole and make poor life decisions. 

First day: Core Synergistics. 389 calories burned in 45 minutes (no bonus time done… that extra 10 minutes was a hard no).

Important Things Learned: 

  •  While I was dying of cardiac arrest and muscle failure, Tony Horton kicked my ass all over the place and ended with a wink and smile. I hate that guy.
  • Eating within several hours of working out with these videos is a terribly awful idea. Just say no.
  • I kinda thought I was in pretty decent shape with all the miles and running and jump roping everyday….. Yeah, I’m not.
  • The most frightening 2 word phrase in the English language? Superman Bananas. Got Damn Superman Bananas.
Good Intentions


My mother has been going to a personal trainer for a month now.  I am 100% supportive and so very proud of her.  She has been looking for motivation for a long time and it seems she’s finally found something that really inspires her to get moving and get healthier.  


Now that she’s completely prescribed to this guy’s personal fitness regimen and life plan (which is 100% still a good thing) she is convinced that I should do the same and completely change everything from the way I eat, down to the way I workout. 

Things I heard: 

  • “He said running does nothing.  Circuit bursts, that’s the way to go.”
  • “If you build a lot of muscle, you can eat more.”
  • “I told him you were very thin and you never eat and that you needed his help”
  • “You need to go see him so you can be stronger.”


Soooo…. She’s my mother AND she’s excited, which is awesome…. but it was a little hard to ignore all the implications being made.    

“He said running does nothing.  Circuit bursts, that’s the way to go.”

  • I run for exercise, sure, but I also run because I love it.  I run because it relaxes me and puts me in a better mood.  I run to get out into the sunshine, even for a little while, after spending all day cooped up in an office crunching numbers and dealing with icky work.  It 100% does something.  Many MANY somethings, including helping me lose over 100lbs.  It’s my personal preference.  I don’t judge your circuit bursts… you no judge my running. 

“If you build a lot of muscle, you can eat more.”

  • My goal is not to “eat more.”  Do I want to build muscle?  Yes.  Do I want to consume wheelbarrows full of food just because I can?  No.  Would I like to eat more bacon?  Always.  Do I think that lifting weights will make the bacon healthier?  Not even a little.   

(moment of silence for bacon gif)

(wipe off drool…. continue reading.)

“I told him you were very thin and you never eat and that you needed his help”

  • I am currently 150lbs.  I am not “very thin.”  In fact, on the little “This is what you should weigh” chart thingy at my Dr’s office, I’m STILL considered overweight (total bollocks.)  I somewhat blame her mentality on our overall genetic body structures.  We are all sturdy tall robust Irish German people with big hearts and big appetites.  Pretty much all the bestest things.  But my being a wee thinner than our family norm, clearly has my mom a little worried over nothing.    

“You need to go see him so you can be stronger.”

  • I’m sure he probably could make me stronger.   But I can also get stronger, if I choose, my own way.  Weights, Yoga, resistance bands, anything?  As much as she loves that guy, he doesn’t own the patent on muscles. 

I feel like this scenario probably happens to a lot of people attempting to get fit and healthy.  We’re trodding along, just trying to do things the way we know how, the way we have planned, when someone intercepts and tells us another way is better.  Sometimes, this can be a great blessing, but other times it just leaves us feeling really confused. 

I love my mom dearly and I know she meant well, but everyone has their own journey.  Everyone has their own struggle.  The way you choose to do it, is YOUR call.  It’s YOUR decision.  No one else can make that for you.  So while my feelings got a little bruised, I know myself.  I know my body and I know my limitations.  I know what I will and will not stick with.  You know yours too.  Be honest with yourself.  Trust your instincts and experiences. Everything else will fall in place.  

I don't even like dancing. I'm just here cuz my mom said she'd buy me tacos.

I had a really weird weekend…

  • There was the almost unbelievable, slightly hysterical family drama: A family member got shblammered at my cousin’s wedding and “accidently” tried to play a game of tonsil hockey with another family member. Um. No. “I thought you were my girlfriend” is like saying “I thought I could pee in this potted plant.” It’s never a good excuse and you’re gonna look like the fuck-up every single time. I’m sure she’s still washing her mouth out with bleach. and we thought we were the classy family.
  • Then…Oh, hey everything, get in my mouth: I drank a lot of wine. And when I say a lot, imagine Robert Baratheon Game of Thrones size tankards. And then… because I drank wine, I ate. And that was also of Robert Baratheon proportions. ½ a mediterranean pizza, cake, cheeseburgers from McDevils, etc etc. Wedding trips evidently brutally murder my self-control.

But I had a good weekend too.

  • The wedding: How do you NOT love a Star Wars themed obscenely over-priced soiree?

Exactly. You can’t. (yes that’s the groom’s cake)

  • The Romancems: Convinced Chris to slow dance at the wedding. uh Woah. Then slyly coerced him to remain on the dance floor for a little fiasco with Ylvis. The fox says “Chris was not amused.” I was though and that’s what’s important.
  • Hotel Motel Holiday Inn: There’s something about staying at a swanky hotel that makes me feel good about life. It’s like a vacation no matter where you are. Escapism? Absolutely… where we going?
  • The other less creepster, more favorite cousin: I got to see him at the wedding and since he lives in LA and we never get to hang out anymore. It made me happy.

It was quite the all-around experience and it was nice to get out of town, but coming home was by far the highlight. I got back last night to:

  1. a relatively clean house
  2. a scale that is only 1 lb heavier than when I left *sold: one soul*
  3. and above all… to my favorite little girls.

We celebrated our return with a healthy dinner and a family snuggle session on the couch. The girls got to pick what we watched. Couch commando = True love, but in this scenario, a damn bad call.

ain’t that the truth.

BUT, in an unexpected and moderately pleasant turn of events, I actually liked watching Dance Moms with my daughters.…Mainly because afterward they were adorably over appreciative of my “non-crazy person” parenting skillz.

*turns off TV*

“Mom, thank you for being so awesome. I really love you.”

Ah shucks girls. I did manage not to call your dance teacher a raging whore and I almost never act like a fucking idiot in public when you’re around. Guess I really am the best.


What is…. the way my thighs feel right now, Alex? 

ding ding ding ding ding!!!!

Lemme tell ya one thing:  Wall Squats? not for girlymen. No Sir'ee 

THAT BURNED like a mutha fricker! 

Who knew? 

Final time: 

I’m A-ok about this and proud as hell to have survived.  It like to have kilt me.  lol. 

A big thanks to Robin and Christine (aka Shortmom) for getting my ass motivated and making me try something new.