theresa is my hero

“How much duct tape d’you think it’d take to tape one of us to, say, a ceiling?”

Alan sat up from where he had been happily lying on the blue shag carpet, just generally getting in the way. Gordon caught the tennis ball Alan been tossing up into the air and mimed taking a bite out of it.

“Me or you?” Alan asked, springing up to try and snatch the ball back. Gordon sidestepped him.

“You, I guess. You’re lighter.”

“Okay. So maybe…five rolls? How many do you have?”

Gordon threw off the far-too-big-for-him-and-probably-virgil’s-hoodie he’d been wearing with a flourish, and then held his arms out in front of him. He had about six rolls of duct tape on each arm.

“Nice fashion statement.” Alan said, making another go of getting his tennis ball back. Gordon faked one way, then dashed round and dropped the ball down the back of little brother’s t-shirt.

“Okay-okay-okay, so, you’re in?”

Alan scrambled after the ball as it dropped out from under his shirt. 

“Yeah. Let’s do this!”

Virgil found them sometime later. He’d been out for a walk on the island, stopping every so often to sketch the odd bird. It was a real exercise in getting stuff down quickly.

He’d need that, when he dragged himself through his bedroom door, ready for a mid-afternoon nap if he could get one in. He didn’t even notice the fact that Alan was taped to his ceiling until he heard a deceptively casual ‘hey bro’ come from above.

Gordon waved to him from behind the doorframe.

“Nice blowfish impression, Virge.” He said. “What do you think of your new ceiling fixture?”

“Wh-how-why? Gordon. Why. Alan. How did he talk you into this?”

“Dude, I didn’t have to. He said yes right away.”

Why?”

“I thought you were all about the pursuit of knowledge, Virgil.” Alan said, nonchalantly. His face was very red. “This was all for science, duh.”

Right. I gotta get you down.” Virgil said, rolling up his shirtsleeves.

“Good luck, it took me like three hours to get him up there.” Gordon said, bending down to pick up an off-cut piece of tape. He stuck it to Virgil’s back as he watched big brother size up the challenge in front of (above) him.

“Gordon, he’s turning purple. How could you think this was a good idea?” Virgil said, getting closer to inspect the situation. Alan stretched out his fingers and just managed to brush the top of Virgil’s head. Gordon stepped back, raising his hands in surrender.

“Hey, I never thought it was a good idea. Oh, hold on. I think he’s slipping.”

“I got it.” Virgil said, gritting his teeth.

In one particularly ungraceful motion, Virgil leapt up and ripped Alan right off the ceiling. He took a fair bit of ceiling with him on the way down, and it, along with Alan, collapsed in a heap on top of Virgil.

Gordon dragged Alan up and out of the room before Virgil could go full-hulk.