theres clothes everywhere

3

holi shit

clifford-affliction  asked:

Hey 90s can you tell me a story from your childhood? I need some cheering up

i don’t think my dad ever loved my mom. like i wasn’t a planned, my parents had me when they were super young, and i guess they were forced to be together, but my dad stuck around. anyway, my mom died when i was 11, and that she killed herself. anyway, i don’t think my dad loved my mom. like his favorite movie was “Pretty In Pink” because its a movie about finding true love, and I remember him watching it and staring at Molly Ringwald really weird, and at the end of the film when Blaine tells Andie he loves her, and then she runs after him and they kiss, my dad would get really emotional and then he’d see me and get mad and make me do some stupid chore around the house, like blaming me for him never finding true love. Also, whenever the Pretty In Pink song, OMD - If You Leave, would come on he would mouth the lyrics to himself. 

After my mom died, my dad re-married, and I think he loved her a lot way more than he ever did my mom. Which was messed up. Or I don’t know. My dad loved me though, like he would buy me anything I ever wanted and he did a lot for me and made sure I was happy I guess, it was crazy, because one day I was randomly like, “Dad I really want to go to Disneyland.” and he was like “Ok son, we’ll go this weekend, just the two of us, father and son.” and it was that easy. So we lived in El Paso, Texas which is quite a way from Anaheim, California where Disneyland is located, but my dad took Friday off work, and said we’d drive there thursday night. Around 8 PM that thursday, my dad comes home, and he’s wearing an 8 Ball leather jacket and Hard Rock Cafe baseball cap and blue jeans, he looked really stupid, and he yells out “90s, get your ass out here! Are you packed? Lets fucking go.” and I was like “Yeah, but I’m hungry I want to have some chicken fingers before we leave.” and my dad was like “Just get in the fucking car.” and I was like “No, I want chicken fingers first.” and then my gives me the scariest look and he had the craziest look in his eyes like he was on drugs, and he said “I’ll buy you some food on the road, don’t defy me!” and I was like, “Fine, whatever, but where ever we go better have chicken fingers.” and I put on my mickey mouse hoodie, and went to my dads Black 1996 Chevrolet Corvette and before I get out I notice my dad frenching my step mom, Catherine, really hard, and I was like “Ewww, gross.” 

So anyway, my Dad put on The Wallflowers into the cd player, and I was like “This sucks, I want to listen to Green Day.” and my dad was like “Whatever.” and I put in the Green Day album Insomniac into the cd player. Then my dad speeds off really fast, like he was driving crazy fast, once we got to the freeway, i could swear we were going 100 MPH, and I was like “Dad, why are you driving so fast?” and he was all “We have to make good time.” and I was all “What about my chicken fingers?” and my dad was like “What is it with you and chicken fingers? Where the fuck can we get chicken fingers anyway? Can’t you just eat some McDonalds?” and I was like “Yeah they have chicken nuggets there, I prefer chicken fingers though, but we can go there.” and my dad was like “Chicken, whatever, chicken is chicken. Jeepers creepers. You’re just like your bitch mom.” So we get some chicken mcnuggets from a McDonalds drive thru and I’m eating them and listening to Green Day really loud and my dad is driving at like 100 MPH down the freeway. My dad drove super fast. Once we got into New Mexico, I swear we were driving at least 120 MPH.

I fell asleep in the backseat around 12 AM, but a few hours later I wake up to weird sniffing sounds, and the car is parked, and I hear my dad sniffing stuff, I think he was sniffing cocaine, and it was just super weird to see my dad doing drugs. Then I go back to sleep. I wake up at around 7 AM and we’re in California and pretty close to Disneyland and my dad is still awake and speeding the car down the freeway. And I was all “Dad!” and my dad was so coked out of his mind he didn’t even hear me until I hit him in the head, and he was like “What? What! What?!” and I was like “I need to go to the bathroom.” and he was like “Yeah yeah, sure, we’ll stop at Denny’s and get some breakfast.” so we find a Denny’s and I go to the bathroom and get some pancakes, and my dad didn’t eat anything he’s just reading the newspaper and talking to himself about how he hates Bill Clinton . 

A few hours later we get to Disneyland, and check into the Disneyland hotel and I’m so pumped. My dad was like “Ok champ we’re here, but I’m really sleepy, why dont you go to the park on your own.” and he gives me like $200 in twenty dollar bills, my ticket to Disneyland, and he falls asleep. And I was like “Whatever.” and leave our hotel room and take the hotel shuttle to Disneyland and had the best time of my life, like I was running around the entire park and going on every ride, and buying hecka souvenirs, like I bought mickey ears, a mickey sweater, and had mickey mouse shaped chicken nuggets, and I had like 3 things of cotton candy and I went on the star wars ride like 3 times in a row, and at night there was a rad parade down main street, the disney electrical parade, and there were vendors selling like glow sticks and glow necklaces and i bought like $40 worth of glow stuff and was dancing really hard to the parade music with my glow sticks. It was great. And I was hugging like every mascot in the park. I hugged Mickey, I hugged Minnie, I hugged Donald, and I hugged Goofy. 

So the park closes and I take the shuttle back to the hotel, but I forgot what room we were in so I go up to the hotel counter and I told them my dads name and they gave me the room, and I went there. So I get there and I knock really hard and theres no answer, I start kicking the door and I’m “Open the door! Open the door!” and I’m like roundhouse kicking the door for 2 mins. Finally the door opens, and a really sexy lady runs out, I go in, and the room is a mess, theres clothes everywhere and room service, and the beds are all unmade, and I see cocaine on a lil glass next to the tv, and my dad yells out “How was the park?” and I was like “It was rad as hell.” and my dad was like “Good.” and my dad is like naked underneath his blankets and hes like “Do me a favor, toss me my boxers.” and I was like “Eww..” and I did it, and he was like “You’re ok? I’m going to go out, and hit the city.” and I was like “Yeah I’m going to order some chicken fingers though.” and my dad was like getting dressed and he tries to hide how he’s putting the cocaine he has out back into his lil baggie. And then I turn on the TV and order “The Nutty Professor” on pay per view, and then pick up the phone and order some chicken fingers. and my dad is all getting ready and putting on cologne n stuff and hes like “Ok, I’ll be back, we’ll go to the park tomorrow. Do you need anything?” and I was all watching the movie and laughing really hard and I was like “What? No. Ok, bye”

anonymous asked:

imagine your roommate suddenly lets out a cry of pain and you rush over to him to find out what's wrong, and you notice immediately that he's growing right out of his clothes and there's hair everywhere and he becomes a huge werewolf that looms over you and grabs you and with his teeth in your face you whimper "please don't kill me man!" and he squeezes you close and rubs your back and his voice rumbles "Kill you? Why would I do that? How am I supposed to make puppies with you, if you're dead?"

Pros of dating me: I always smell like cinnamon, clove, and jasmine. I’m like a walking bakery.
Cons: There’s glitter everywhere.

gcneral-organa  asked:

OKAY SO WARREN'S BABYGIRL: she's upset one day, and there's clothes thrown everywhere because nothing FITS and she feels ugly and sad and stupid, and he walks in and finds her crying and is immediately in protective boyfriend mode, demanding to know who he needs to beat up, and when she tells him that it's no one, that she just hates herself, he is so stunned. Because to him, she is just the most beautiful thing in the world, and he can't comprehend how anyone could not see how lovely she is.

MY 👏HEART 👏BUSTED 👏A 👏NUT👏👏👏