Well, this is quite the overwhelming response to my coffee date post.
You ladies really want to suffer with me? You’ve been warned. Here goes nothing…
So first, he brought me to the bro-iest of bro bars (and I’ve been trying to avoid this crowd since moving here - part of reason I was happy to leave Boston) but, sure, it was around the corner from my office.
OH! But the *actual* first part. He was waiting for me to leave my office, so he texted, ‘just found some of my buddies at the bar next door, so no rush! I’ll leave when you get close.’ GOOD, because I didn’t want you to be lonely there for a second.
The rooftop was closed, so we sat downstairs where we could hear zero words each of us said. So, I repeated everything I said, on average, three times.
He asked the bartender what the Pumpkin beer tasted like.
When he was yelling-talking to me, he managed to spit on me three times. THREE! Three. And, while he was talking, he was so twitchy and bouncy that I wanted to reach over and hold his shoulders down so he wouldn’t fall out of the seat.
His mannerisms oddly (and so clearly) resembled those of the lion from Wizard of Oz. His eyes would open really wide, he would drop his head back, and his head would shake a little bit. Can’t make this shit up, yo.
When I said something that he agreed with, he would aggressively shake his finger towards my face and say, 'YES! OMG YES!’ a million times.
He would ask me a question, I would get two words in and then he would cut me off, because whatever I said prompted some story he wanted to tell me about some place/person/thing that had no relevance to me.
There were four occasions where he would back-hand slap my arm when he was telling me something. I’M ANEMIC, BRO.
My body language could not have been more closed off, so he continued to move closer so he was basically sitting on top of me.
Then I said I needed to meet my friend to watch the game, so he said he would walk with me. He just needed to “take a quick piss”.
To round out this wonderful date, the hug had a bit of an ass-graze to it. It was 42 seconds too long, and then his hand swiped right, like he was Tindering my behind.
I think I’m taking a hiatus from dating. This was the icing on the cake.