Scene: An anti-sjw takes the stage to do some stand-up
“Hey guys, my name is Ben, and I’m an attack helicopter.”
The crowd is silent, watching him with a mix of caution and sympathy. A few people cover their eyes to avoid the trainwreck that they can already see unfolding in front of them. Ben’s hands start to sweat. B-but badsjw reblogged my post! They tagged it as ‘lmao’! How can these guys not find it funny? he thought to himself.
Then, he improvised; Going off script, he started setting the scene.
“I mean like, tumblr, yeah? They got kids on there who… they’re kids and they’re like, ykno, angels. I mean, they think they’re angels”.
A woman in the front is texting her friend to come pick her up as soon as possible.
“They’re all ‘oh I’m an angel! My pronouns are angel / angels / angelself”
There’s a visible recoil in some of the audience members when they hear him say backslash out loud. The woman has silently crept out of her seat and is making her way towards the side entrance. She ducks so as to not block the view of the people sitting beside her, though they would have rather avoided seeing what was transpiring on stage.
Ben sees an opportunity. If there’s one thing he’d come prepared for, it was hecklers. While everyone else had stayed quiet for some reason, unexpected for a university campus, this woman was trying to slink away. He would not let some FEMALE escape his grip.
“Are you triggered? You, in the side.. are you triggered? Did I trigger you?”
The woman stops in her tracks and throws a glance back. He’s pointing. Nobody’s staring at her, they’re all sitting in stunned silence. At least it was free entry she murmured to herself as she pulled the handle on the door and dashed out.
“Trigglypuffs, am I right? SJWs can’t take logic.” Ben quips before he starts throwing his hands around, shouting something indistinct to the audience because the microphone was away from his face. The audience enjoyed the silence.
With the audience still silent, Ben had to pull out the big guns.
“So, I saw someone drop this kitkat on the ground, on the… in central park the other day. I picked it up and ate it because, hey, hashtag candy lives matter”
An audible gag was heard from the back of the room, though the rest of the crowd wasnt sure if it was because of the thought of this trembling puddle of sweat eating a kitkat off the floor or from them physically saying ‘hashtag’ like they were a 40 year old newsreader. This is it Ben thought. I’ve cracked the perfect joke. It’s topical! This will go viral and steven-universe-official and plebcomics will finally follow me back! I can see the copypasta now.
“You fucking suck dude.”
Ben’s daydream about KotakuInAction rallying behind him is dashed as he hears the cry from the left aisle. It was then that he realised he’d been daydreaming for 5 minutes, most everyone had left, and he’d pissed his pants.
As the warmth fell down his leg, all he could see in his mind was the angry post he was going to write up on his own tumblr tonight, about how university campuses are simply hug boxes, not accepting of REAL humour anymore.
What I Wish Healthy People Knew About Being Undiagnosed
OK, see, here’s the thing. Most people with chronic illness wait years to get a proper diagnosis. They know what we undiagnosed peeps are going through. They can empathize with the worry, the frustration, the impatience, the hope and hopelessness roller coaster. They get it.
But I don’t think a lot of healthy people quite understand.
Just because my illness hasn’t been named yet, it doesn’t mean I’m healthy.
Not knowing WHY I have symptoms doesn’t make the symptoms go away. It doesn’t mean I’m not dealing with a lot of shit.
And I’m dealing with this shit not sure where to turn for support (not a lot of support groups for “I dunno, but shit’s going sideways”). I’m dealing with this with no treatment options. The best I can do is try to manage my symptoms with everyday, at-home methods (that may or may not make any bit of difference).
I’m dealing with an unpredictable and often debilitating mystery illness. I’m going to doctor appointment after doctor appointment and test after test and having to explain my medical history over and over again which drains what little energy I had left.
If someone you know says they’re sick, and they’ve been sick for months or years…for the sake of all that is good and beautiful in this world, just believe them.
If someone you know is sick and they don’t know what they have, just trust them that while they may not know the name of their illness, they most certainly do know how it affects them and what they can and can’t handle doing (even if that changes from day to day).
If someone you know is struggling with a chronic mystery illness and you want to be a good, supportive friend just be T.H.E.R.E. for them.
T- trust them when they say they’re sick
H- help if they want your help (but don’t always wait to be asked for help, offer specific tasks you can do like unload the dishwasher, or take their dog for a walk)
E- expect nothing (if they want to talk about their health, listen, but nobody owes you their private medical history)
R- respect their limits (if they say they can or can’t do something, believe them)
E- endure (no matter how many times plans get cancelled last minute, not matter how long diagnosis takes, no matter how frustrated you are by their limits, I promise it’s even more frustrating for them so be patient)
Also, pro tip: DON’T TELL THEM WHAT YOU THINK THEY HAVE AND HOW TO FIX IT WITH YOGA/GREEN SMOOTHIES/REIKI/WHATEVER.
My International Vulture Awareness Day post continues to gently explode (yay vulture awareness!) so I thought I’d post these here. We snapped a few quick shots right after I took the ones with my signs, just for fun. This is actually in my yard and I was grumpy that the cottonwood tree fell but at least it made for cool photos. All photo credits to my husband, eldarath
This is Kleiveer the Bearded Vulture (Lammergeier)! This is built on a base crafted by the very talented Crystumes. Altered, furred, and finished by myself. The bone necklace was crafted using only scavenged deer bones from the woods. I had a lot of fun dying and totally wrecking the cloth for the cape. The gloves are hand painted.
Lammergeiers and many other vultures are in trouble. Some species have lost over 90% of their population (read more). Many African species are on track to extinction right now.
Beardies are seeing some conservation success in some areas (some of
Europe), and declines in others (70% loss in Africa!). Vultures, in
addition to being kick-ass, are super important parts of our ecosystems,
and are worth saving.
(Thank you for all the kind interest but I am not open for mask commissions right now. More info Also I appreciate the comments! While I think furries are neat, I don’t identify as one. I just like birds, wildlife art, conservation awareness, costumes/Halloween, and am very inspired by Jim Henson! I grew up watching The Dark Crystal. )
Ren, you are aware that our equipment gets hot when it’s on? Idiot.
A collab with Raffe, she did the sketch, I put down inks and colors. See more of Raffe & my First Order coffeeshop AU stuff here and here and… safely assume that we’ll keep spamming this for a while ahahehehe.