“But Steve-“ Maria said into my ear piece.
“Do it now.” Steve says.
I felt the tears in my eyes burn. “Don’t do this Steve!” I shout into my own ear piece.
“I have to.” He says as the line break up.
I walked around the Potomac alone as we all searched for Steve separately. It was getting darker out and if you didn’t find him soon we were going to have to give up the search for the night. I swallowed the lump in my throat. After knowing him for two years I was not ready to already lose the man who became my best friend and not to mention the guy I was in love with.
“Find him?” Natasha asked.
I shook my head before speaking into my headset. “Negative. What if he drowned?” I asked trying my best to keep the worry out of my voice.
“Nat I don’t think I could handle find his dead corpse.” I say as
I continued walking down a wide path towards the water.
“Agreed Y/N but I’m sure he’s fine.” She sighs out.
I swallowed my retort. What if he was not?
As I walked I noticed a figure laying face up on the ground. I squinted trying to bring the body into a better focus. Steve. Oh dear god let it be Steve. I thought as I walked up to the figure as stealthily as possible in case it was a trap. I let out a sigh of relief as I noticed it was him by his uniform. I quickly rushed to him and made sure that he had a pulse. I closed my eyes in relief he was alive. I spoke into my headset.
“Call a medic. I found him. He’s alive.” I say relief pouring into my voice as I also gave out the coordinates of our location.
I sat down and put Steve’s head in my lap. “You’re not dyeing today my friend.” I say brushing some of the dirt off his face. I loved him and I know he only sees me as a friend, which hurt a lot more at this moment than it ever did. What if he had died? Is he going to care that I was the one who found him?
I checked his body over he was shot several times. I blinked back tears. He was going to let himself die so he would not hurt Bucky. Was he stupid? I felt my anger swell up. Did he really have nothing else to live for? Was he more important then the rest of us?
I shake my head of my dark thoughts as I hear footsteps. I draw my weapon and aim and the spot the noise was coming from.
“Do not shoot. “ Sam says. “We need to move him.” He spoke warily as he saw how bad Steve was.
I felt myself relax upon recognizing Sam’s voice. “He’s been shoot several times and is bleeding, I don’t think it would be wise for us to move him.”
Sam nods and sits down on the other side of Steve’s body. “He would have rather died than kill that guy.” Sam says sadly.
“I’m sure you would have done the same for Riley.” I said even though I felt that Steve was stupid for doing that.
I looked down by his feet. Someone had dragged him to shore. Bucky. Well I guess him not fighting must have done some good after all the man saved his life. Probably for his own agenda and not for the sake of saving Steve for being Steve.
“Riley would not have wanted that Y/N.” He says as we exchange a look.
I here rapid foot fall coming towards us and pull my gun again.
I watched as three paramedics came into view. I aimed my gun at them just incase they worked for HYDRA.
“We can take it from here guys.” A tall muscular one says warily eyeing my gun.
I nod and move out of the way so they can move to help Steve but keep my gun evenly aimed at the tall muscular one.. They put Steve on the board quickly and lifted him before walking up the path to the awaiting ambulance.
I looked at Steve’s face as they walked passed me and sighed.
Why can’t life ever be easy? Sam and I trailed behind in silence as they carried Steve towards the ambulance.
After ten minutes of struggling they finally got him to the road were an ambulance was waiting for us along with Hill, Fury and Natasha. I put my gun back behind me as I watched them pull a gurney out to lay Steve on.
“He’ll be fine.” I say approaching them and pulling my blood stained t-shirt back in place over my back to cover my weapon.
As they set Steve down on the gurney I motioned for Sam to go with. “He’ll need a friend to wake up to this time.” I say giving him a tight smile.
“Y/N…” Natasha says from beside me.
“No Sam needs to go Nat. You and I have a mess to clean up.” I say turning towards her.
She nods in understanding.
I hear them lift Steve into the ambulance and nod at Sam to climb into it so Steve was not alone. I watched as the doors closed behind him and the sirens went off.
“He’s going to be okay.” Nat says throwing her arm around my shoulder as the ambulance pulled away from us.
“It’s not him I am worried about.” I say honestly as I turn my head to look at her.
“We’ll be fine Y/N. We always land on our feet.”
I resisted the urge to smack her over the head. Every little thing we have ever done good or bad is now on display for the world. Every skeleton in our closets was trending in the news,
We both turn around to face Fury and Hill.
“You all are going to have to go to ground.” Fury says.
I nod in understanding, “New start.” I say turning to look were the ambulances containing Steve left.
“It should be fun.” Natasha says.
Fun? I have a life here and now it is gone. I think we lost a hell of a lot more than our place of work. I had to go create a new cover now. At least Hill could go on to work for another agency. I would be able to eventually but right now with the things that have come to life there is no way I am going to be able to.
A few days later I find myself wondering a hospital wing. I just could not bring myself to go see Steve. Maybe I should just leave? I mean he would not really care if I was gone for a while. He would understand. I sighed. He would have come to see me.
I walked towards his room and knocked on the door. I slowly opened it to be met with the sight of Sam. I glanced at the bed to see Steve was fast asleep.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “How is he?” I asked from my place in the doorway.
“He’s woke up a couple of times now.” Sam says reaching across Steve to turn off the iPod.
“That’s good news.” I say shifting my weight from foot to foot.
Sam studied me. “You’re here to say goodbye to him aren’t you.”
I nodded. “I have to go to ground for a while.”
“Are you going to wait?” Sam says looking at Steve’s sleeping figure.
“I don’t have that option. I am risking a lot by even coming to see him.”
“He’s going to be pissed.” Sam points out to me.
I sighed. “I know, but I don’t really have a choice Sam. I just came to say goodbye to him.” I say as I zip up my sweatshirt.
“Can you give me a moment?” I ask.
Sam nodded and moved towards the doorway. “I might not know him as well as you do Y/N but I do know that you leaving is just going to piss him off.” He says heading out of the door.
I sighed as I was left alone with Steve. I turned and shut the door before moving towards him on the bed.
“So you’re leaving?” I hear a husky voice say as I approach the bed.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. This was going to be a lot harder now that he was awake. I took four steps and reached the edge of the bed. “I have to.”
“Were you even planning on saying goodbye to me?” He asks as he opens his eyes to stare at me.
I sighed. “Well I am here aren’t I?” I asked.
Steve turns his head to look at me. “But you’re going to leave.”
I shrugged as I stared back at him. “I have to go into hiding for a while.”
“You ignored my question Y/N.”
“I was hoping you had not woke up yet.” I say honestly.
He sighed. “I figured that from the conversation you and Sam just had.”
“How do you feel?” I asked ignoring him.
“Like I fell out of the sky.”
He gave me a sad smile. “Who found me?” He asked.
I took a deep breath remembering the anger I felt as I discovered his wounds. “Does it matter?”
Steve nods his head. “I need to thank them. “
“No thanks is required.” I say moving closer to his head.
“I found you.” I say knowing that ignoring his question would just prolong this visit.
Steve nodded. “Was he there?”
“No. Look I am glad you’re okay but I have to leave.” I say biting back my anger. He didn’t even care that I was the one who found him like that? Or the fact we all thought he died? I took a deep breath now that Bucky was alive he really didn’t probably care about anything else. Bucky was still his first priority. Maybe it was a good thing I had to go to ground for a little while.
He shakes his head. “You know Natasha has to rebuild to and she’s not just disappearing.”
Yet, she would because like me she would need a cover to survive after the enemies that she has made.
I let out a breath and sat down on the left side of his bed. “I’m a fugitive at this point Steve until otherwise I need to disappear for a while.” I explained. I mean the other reason was because he didn’t need me but I sure as hell was not going to tell him that.
Steve licks his lips. “Look just stick around I am sure we can figure something out.”
I gave him a small smile and picked up his water. “You have bigger things to worry about my friend.” I say handing Steve the water. Why
He sighs and takes the water and drinks it. “I could use your help.” He points out.
“You have to worry about finding Bucky. You don’t need to worry about me and my problems Steve.” I say. Knowing that he was just going to ask me to stay to help find him faster.
Steve drank the water while giving me a leveled look. “Help find him then.” He says.
I shake my head. “I can’t.” I say standing up from his bed. I leaned over him and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Go find him Steve.” I say before trying to leave.
He sets his water down before I can move away from him and proceeds to wrap his right arm around my waist pulling me closer to him.
“Promise me something then.” Steve says forcing me to stare into his blue orbs.
I nod waiting for him to tell me what it is that I was supposed to promise him.
“Promise that I’ll get to see you again.”
I give him a sad smile knowing that he was referring to what happened to Peggy and the rest of the Howling Commandos.
“Promise. It will be like I did not even leave.” I say.
He stares at me for a while before releasing me from his hold.
“I’m holding you to that Y/N.”
“You do the same Steve.” I say stepping away from the bed,
“You die on me I will bring you back to make your life hell.” I threatened with a laugh.
He gives me a small smile before resting his head against the pillow. “Promise.”
I watch as his eyes close and he drifts back to sleep before turning to head out of the room. I stop in the door way and give him one last look. Why could he not see how much I needed him? Or how much I needed to hear that he needed me? I sighed before pulling my hood up and disappearing like a ghost.
2 Months Later
I stare out my window as we drive the New York streets. I it’s weird driving around here knowing Steve is just a few miles away. I sigh inwardly he’s been a few miles away for months and knows exactly where I am and does not want to see me.
I quirk an eyebrow as the driver pulls up to my condo. I can’t help but glare at Coulson.
“What are we doing here?” I asked as the car pulls to a stop in front of my place.
“You are needed for another job.” He says nodding towards my front door.
I turn my face and look out the window and am met with a hooded figure leaning against my door. Who was that?
“You can’t be serious?” I say motioning to my right arm in its cast.
“Sorry Agent but I am.”
I glared at him as I yanked open the door with my left arm. First he allows me to work with a new agent who is an imbecile and broke my right arm and now he’s shuffling me around for someone else.
I climb out of the car and wince as I jar my arm. Great. This was just lovely. I sigh and turn around to face him.
He is stretched out and reaching for the door. “Some things happen for a reason Agent.” He says shutting the door.
I stepped away from the car and glared at it as it pulled away. Seriously? Hadn’t I done enough over the years to not be manipulated? I turned around and approached the hooded figure.
As I was four steps away from the figure I recognized it as Steve. I don’t know if I should feel relieved or angry that he is only now visiting me after I called and told him I was back.
“Steve.” I say brushing up against him to unlock my door.
“Y/N.” He says just moving enough to let me unlock the door.
“Can I help you with something?” I ask shakily.
Steve shoves open my door and holds it for me while motioning for me to enter.
I walked into my place and to my couch. What was he doing here? Was he here for me or was he here to get Bucky?
“I need your help Y/N.” Steve says walking behind me.
I place my left arm against the couch. Needed my help but not me.
“Sorry Steve I kinda can’t do anything.” I say motioning to the cast on my right arm.
“I found Bucky.” He says as if that would change my mind.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning to face him. “Why’d you need me help if you found him?”
“Because I trust you.” He says shrugging.
I shook my head. How was everything that simple to him? “I heard about Ultron ar-“
“I’m not here to talk about that Y/N.” He says cutting me off.
I’m going to go with anger at seeing him. “Fine. Good luck with finding Bucky.” I say walking around my couch to sit down. I retrieve the remote from the coffee table and turn on the TV.
“The answer is no.” I say shaking my head.
“Coulson said yo-“
“Well tell your pal Coulson I quit then.” I say glaring at the TV.
“Y/N-“ He says moving to stand in front of the couch.
“I kept my promise. You kept yours. I say we are good Rogers.” I growled out. Couldn’t he see what he did?
“Why are you mad at me?” he asks cocking his head as if he would get the answer.
“I’m not.” I say glaring at him for blocking my view of the TV.
“Yes you are.” He says sighing.
I give him a tight smile. “It doesn’t really matter.”
“I need to get to him he needs me.” Steve says.
I shook my head. Just like I needed him? I bit my lip to stop from saying something that would hurt him.
“What happened to you when you went underground?” He asks crossing his arms in anger.
“I had a nice dose of reality.” I say surging to my feet. “You seem to have missed that as of recently.”
I move from my couch to leave because that seemed the only way to make Steve disappear.
Steve grabbed my arm cutting off my escape. “I just need your help to get to Bucky Y/N.”
I shake my head. Apparently our friendship was nothing to him. “I’ll help on two conditions Steve.”
“Anything.” He says as his shoulders sag in relief.
“Why didn’t you ever call me back?” I asked tugging my arm out of his hold.
Steve shrugged. “I had things to do Y/N.”
I nodded. Being with and working with the Avengers and finding Bucky were what he had to do. I knew that was what he would do from the day I saw him last. But I still ranked nowhere on that list? Have I ever?
“I see.” I say nodding and stepping away from him. “Forget the second condition. I’ll do it if it makes you leave.” I say turning and heading for the door, “Lets go now.”
“Y/N…” He says lowly.
“Hurry up before I change my mind.” I say tugging the door open.
Steve brushed passed me and headed to the black Camaro outside of my door. I followed reluctantly. I really didn’t evne matter? I closed my eyes and tugged open my door and sat down before slamming the passenger door closed.
“He’s in Brooklyn. Sam and Natasha are meeting us there.” He says looking into traffic and joining it.
“Why am I needed then?”
“You’re better at handling people than they are.” He says glancing between the road and me.
I turned my head and stared out the window as we lapsed into a tension filled silence.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call.”
I ignored him and continued to stare out of my window. “Doesn’t matter.” I say as I felt Steve stare at me longer than necessary.
“Really doesn’t matter Steve.” I say. I mean if he really cared about me he would have tracked me down or called me when he found out that I called but he didn’t he waited until he needed me to contact me.
“It does to me. I need you too. I need you in a different way then Bucky.” Steve sighed as we pulled up to a park. “He’s here.”
“Lovely.” I say sarcastically. A different way?
I climbed out of the car and spotted Sam and Natasha. They both nodded at me. We approached them.
“He’s at the bench.” Nat says.
Steve and I both nod.
“Y/N…Go sit with him and distracted him until Steve approaches.” She says.
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.” I grumble and head towards the bench.
As I approach I see him look at me. I give him a wary smile and tuck my hair behind my ear.
“D-do yo-you mind if I set here?” I stutter out in fake nervousness.
He shakes his head no.
I sat down next to him and stared at my hands.
I could feel his intense gaze on me but choose to ignore it.
“You okay?” He asks in a husky voice.
I visibly swallowed honesty seems to be what will work best on him I analyze.
“Not really, but things could be worse.” I say straining my hands together.
“You want to talk about it?” He asks looking out over the water.
“I don’t want to bo-“
He gives me a small laugh. “Please do.”
I smile at him sadly. “There’s this guy I made a mistake in trusting and needing.”
“Mistake?” He asks turning to face me.
I watch out of the corner of my eye as Sam get in place incase Bucky tries to run.
I shrugged. “I put him on my list and he really doesn’t care about me.”
I felt my tears well up. “Not as much as I am. I should have known better than to make him a priority.” I say as Steve and Natasha approached.
“Well if you ask me you don’t need him. Or anyone who doesn’t put you somewhere on their list.”
No I really did, he just didn’t need me. I thought as I closed my eyes. He was a good man. But Bucky was right I couldn’t be around Steve if he didn’t need me for me.
“I wish I could tell myself that.” I say as Steve calls out Bucky’s name.
Bucky turns startled to his name.
I stand up and lay my hand on his shoulder. “He wants to help you. He needs to help you.” I say nodding encouraging at Steve.
Bucky nods and stands.
I give him a fake smile. “Go with him.”
As Bucky walked up to them they started walking back to the cars together followed at distance as Sam watched their backs.
I felt my tears build up. I couldn’t go with. I turned and faced the water. Bucky was right if Steve didn’t put me on his list I shouldn’t have him on mine. I sat back down on the bench and put my head in my hands praying to god my tears did not fall.
“Y/N.” I hear Steve say.
I took a deep breath and plastered a fake expression on my face.
“Yeah?” I said turning my head to look at him.
“I’ve got to take Bucky you need me to drop you off?” Steve said in a rush.
He really just used me? I close my eyes. He really didn’t care.
I forced a laugh. “I’ll find my own.”
Steve nodded. “”Y/N-“
I heard him sigh and sit down next to me. “I forgot how beautiful sunsets were.” He says staring out at the seen in front of us. “What has gotten into you?”
“Y/N…” He warns.
“I just realized that..” I took a deep breath before turning to face him. “I needed a change.”
“You’re going to leave again…” He says turning to face me in anger.
I let out a forced laughed. “You don’t have to be angry.”
“I’ve been back for a month Steve. I called. I kept my promise. You’re the one who never picked up.”
“Doesn’t matter. Go Bucky needs you.”
“It does.” He says tugging me towards him so my head lay on his chest. “Because I need you.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “Sure the hell doesn’t feel like it.”
“I didn’t call because I didn’t know if I could trust what Bucky did. You’re too damn important.”
“Ste-“ I say trying to cut off his bullshit.
He used his left hand to bring my chin up towards his. “I needed to find Bucky to protect you in case they realized you’re the only way to get to me.”
“That’s such bullshit.” I say.
“No, Y/N. These last two years you helped immensely. You made me understand things I- you mean a hell of a lot.”
He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. “You saved me long before I knew I needed it. You made me want to live with what I lost. So yes I need you.”
“I am going to go. But promise me you’ll stay Y/N.”
I sat looking down at my hands as he walked away. I looked at Steve’s back. Screw it. Life was passed on leaps of faith. I stood and ran to catch up with Steve. I wrapped my arm around his waist.
“Mind if I get I ride back?”
Steve smiled down at me before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and placing a kiss on my head. “Not at all.”