there-now-i-kept-my-promise

anonymous asked:

I'm not strong like people think I'm in my bathroom about to attempt ending it all while my daughter is in the other room taking a nap the only thing that stopped me is your new video and now I'm just sitting here crying like an idiot

You’re so much stronger than you think you are, I promise. It doesn’t matter what kept you from going through with it, or how hard it was. What matters is that you’re here, and I’m proud of you.

I know it’s tough. I know sometimes it can seem like there’s no turning back. But there’s always another good day, and I promise that it will be worth it.

I’m so, so proud of you

DeaFined!

Alright so tonight was the night I got to go to Deafined! Deafined is a  Deaf-based restaurant, 2nd in Canada! Everything is in Sign Language with Cheat Sheets for non-Signers! Which means VOICE OFF once you enter the restaurant!

I booked my reservation online last night. They asked for your email and phone number. So typically restaurants will call you to confirm your reservations correct? DeaFined? They EMAIL you and TEXT you! Now this is what I call proper Accessibility!

So we arrived at Deafined and well, I HAD to get a picture of myself (properly!) In front of it…

And the “Welcome!” sign…

So we walked up those stairs (which will eventually have accessible ramp sometime in near future! Promise!) to the restaurant. Okay let me tell you it was VERY beautiful inside! Seriously just LOOKING at the Name made me smile so much! My dad kept saying “Abby you keep smiling!!!” Well YEAH! I’m in my own little ‘home’ here!

When you walk in the first thing you REALLY see is the Manual Alphabet!

Obviously everyone communicated in ASL, but if you’re hearing and have NO knowledge of ASL there were people who voiced, or just used Paper/Pen to communicate! There were also little cheat sheet that helps you know at least the basics of Signs!

An Example…

which gave you instructions on how to sign it! My dad had lots of fun learning the signs. It was REALLY sweet/cute/adorable of him trying! At least he knew the signs for “Good” “Thank you” “Please’ “Drink” “Water” all on his own!

So we got to our seats and menu’s handed to us. It was great because I actually got to converse in Sign Language with the waiter! I couldn’t stop smiling after! FINALLY! A place where I can actually Sign and not get weird looks! I can sign and SOMEONE ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS!

I couldn’t get the inside of the menu (forgot) but here’s what the outside says when you first look at it!

The food was DELICIOUS! I loved it so much! Also the drink I had (Something Lavender Tea of sorts) was YUMMY! It was great, when the server came to ask how our food was… I didn’t have to awkwardly chew then talk, instead it was Signing while chewing! They understood! Now this is what I call PROPER service! I loved being able to Sign 99% of the time! It was just pure wonderful :)

Yes, I had such a wonderful fabulous time, my dad understood why I love the Community so much, why I take pride in being Deaf and what it means to me. He understood and did you know… apparently he has around 18 relatives who are deaf themselves? Know sign language too?! (Except they’re all in Europe!) Hey! That explains why he is so accepting and understanding! So he enjoyed it too and learnt a few new signs as well! 

I had so much fun, I STILL cannot stop smiling and it’s been 3 hours since the dinner! Would and Will I go there again? ABSOLUTELY! I love it there! I finally felt at home and it’s just WONDERFUL to have such an amazing Deaf Community here :) This Deafie is VERY pleased with the food, drinks, service, the restaurant itself!

Sakura-chan,

Heh… can I even all you that anymore?

I know it’s been years since we really talked. I know I have no right to act like I care when you’ve been on your own raising Sarada for 12 years. I know I’ve been absent. And for that, I’m sorry. You don’t have to forgive me, and I wouldn’t expect you to.

But I’m writing to tell you that I wish I could take everything back. Everything. I wish we could go back to being 17. I wish I’d told you how I felt. I wish I kept every promise I ever made you.

I didn’t keep Sasuke here for you. I let him go. Nothing in the last 20 years or so has changed. I acknowledge that everything up until now is my fault, right down to Sarada finding out you aren’t really her mother.

Nothing I can say can make this right, but Sakura-chan, you deserve to be happy. You deserve Sarada going back to loving you as her mother like she has for her whole life. You don’t deserve this constant misery.

I will spend the rest of my life blaming myself.

My biggest regret is not telling you how much I love you.

- Naruto

Steve Rogers: Promises Kept

Y/N’s POV

“But Steve-“ Maria said into my ear piece.

“Do it now.” Steve says.

I felt the tears in my eyes burn. “Don’t do this Steve!” I shout into my own ear piece.

“I have to.” He says as the line break up.

Damn it.

I walked around the Potomac alone as we all searched for Steve separately. It was getting darker out and if you didn’t find him soon we were going to have to give up the search for the night. I swallowed the lump in my throat. After knowing him for two years I was not ready to already lose the man who became my best friend and not to mention the guy I was in love with.

“Find him?” Natasha asked.

I shook my head before speaking into my headset. “Negative. What if he drowned?” I asked trying my best to keep the worry out of my voice.

“Y/N-“

“Nat I don’t think I could handle find his dead corpse.” I say as

I continued walking down a wide path towards the water.

“Agreed Y/N but I’m sure he’s fine.” She sighs out.

I swallowed my retort. What if he was not?

As I walked I noticed a figure laying face up on the ground. I squinted trying to bring the body into a better focus. Steve. Oh dear god let it be Steve. I thought as I walked up to the figure as stealthily as possible in case it was a trap. I let out a sigh of relief as I noticed it was him by his uniform. I quickly rushed to him and made sure that he had a pulse. I closed my eyes in relief he was alive. I spoke into my headset.

“Call a medic. I found him. He’s alive.” I say relief pouring into my voice as I also gave out the coordinates of our location.

I sat down and put Steve’s head in my lap. “You’re not dyeing today my friend.” I say brushing some of the dirt off his face. I loved him and I know he only sees me as a friend, which hurt a lot more at this moment than it ever did. What if he had died? Is he going to care that I was the one who found him?

I checked his body over he was shot several times. I blinked back tears. He was going to let himself die so he would not hurt Bucky. Was he stupid? I felt my anger swell up. Did he really have nothing else to live for? Was he more important then the rest of us?

I shake my head of my dark thoughts as I hear footsteps. I draw my weapon and aim and the spot the noise was coming from.

“Do not shoot. “ Sam says. “We need to move him.” He spoke warily as he saw how bad Steve was.

I felt myself relax upon recognizing Sam’s voice. “He’s been shoot several times and is bleeding, I don’t think it would be wise for us to move him.”

Sam nods and sits down on the other side of Steve’s body. “He would have rather died than kill that guy.” Sam says sadly.

“I’m sure you would have done the same for Riley.” I said even though I felt that Steve was stupid for doing that.

I looked down by his feet. Someone had dragged him to shore. Bucky. Well I guess him not fighting must have done some good after all the man saved his life. Probably for his own agenda and not for the sake of saving Steve for being Steve.

“Riley would not have wanted that Y/N.” He says as we exchange a look.

I here rapid foot fall coming towards us and pull my gun again.

I watched as three paramedics came into view. I aimed my gun at them just incase they worked for HYDRA.

“We can take it from here guys.” A tall muscular one says warily eyeing my gun.

I nod and move out of the way so they can move to help Steve but keep my gun evenly aimed at the tall muscular one.. They put Steve on the board quickly and lifted him before walking up the path to the awaiting ambulance.

I looked at Steve’s face as they walked passed me and sighed.

Why can’t life ever be easy? Sam and I trailed behind in silence as they carried Steve towards the ambulance.

After ten minutes of struggling they finally got him to the road were an ambulance was waiting for us along with Hill, Fury and Natasha. I put my gun back behind me as I watched them pull a gurney out to lay Steve on.

“He’ll be fine.” I say approaching them and pulling my blood stained t-shirt back in place over my back to cover my weapon.

They nod.

As they set Steve down on the gurney I motioned for Sam to go with. “He’ll need a friend to wake up to this time.” I say giving him a tight smile.

“Y/N…” Natasha says from beside me.

“No Sam needs to go Nat. You and I have a mess to clean up.” I say turning towards her.

She nods in understanding.

I hear them lift Steve into the ambulance and nod at Sam to climb into it so Steve was not alone. I watched as the doors closed behind him and the sirens went off.

“He’s going to be okay.” Nat says throwing her arm around my shoulder as the ambulance pulled away from us.

“It’s not him I am worried about.” I say honestly as I turn my head to look at her.

“We’ll be fine Y/N. We always land on our feet.”

I resisted the urge to smack her over the head. Every little thing we have ever done good or bad is now on display for the world. Every skeleton in our closets was trending in the news,

“Eventually maybe.”

We both turn around to face Fury and Hill.

“You all are going to have to go to ground.” Fury says.

I nod in understanding, “New start.” I say turning to look were the ambulances containing Steve left.

“It should be fun.” Natasha says.

Fun? I have a life here and now it is gone. I think we lost a hell of a lot more than our place of work. I had to go create a new cover now. At least Hill could go on to work for another agency. I would be able to eventually but right now with the things that have come to life there is no way I am going to be able to.

A few days later I find myself wondering a hospital wing. I just could not bring myself to go see Steve. Maybe I should just leave? I mean he would not really care if I was gone for a while. He would understand. I sighed. He would have come to see me.

I walked towards his room and knocked on the door. I slowly opened it to be met with the sight of Sam. I glanced at the bed to see Steve was fast asleep.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “How is he?” I asked from my place in the doorway.

“He’s woke up a couple of times now.” Sam says reaching across Steve to turn off the iPod.

“That’s good news.” I say shifting my weight from foot to foot.

Sam studied me. “You’re here to say goodbye to him aren’t you.”

I nodded. “I have to go to ground for a while.”

“Are you going to wait?” Sam says looking at Steve’s sleeping figure.

“I don’t have that option. I am risking a lot by even coming to see him.”

“He’s going to be pissed.” Sam points out to me.

I sighed. “I know, but I don’t really have a choice Sam. I just came to say goodbye to him.” I say as I zip up my sweatshirt.

“Can you give me a moment?” I ask.

Sam nodded and moved towards the doorway. “I might not know him as well as you do Y/N but I do know that you leaving is just going to piss him off.” He says heading out of the door.

I sighed as I was left alone with Steve. I turned and shut the door before moving towards him on the bed.

“So you’re leaving?” I hear a husky voice say as I approach the bed.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. This was going to be a lot harder now that he was awake. I took four steps and reached the edge of the bed. “I have to.”

“Were you even planning on saying goodbye to me?” He asks as he opens his eyes to stare at me.

I sighed. “Well I am here aren’t I?” I asked.

Steve turns his head to look at me. “But you’re going to leave.”

I shrugged as I stared back at him. “I have to go into hiding for a while.”

“You ignored my question Y/N.”

“I was hoping you had not woke up yet.” I say honestly.

He sighed. “I figured that from the conversation you and Sam just had.”

“How do you feel?” I asked ignoring him.

“Like I fell out of the sky.”

“You’re hiliarious.”

He gave me a sad smile. “Who found me?” He asked.

I took a deep breath remembering the anger I felt as I discovered his wounds. “Does it matter?”

Steve nods his head. “I need to thank them. “

“No thanks is required.” I say moving closer to his head.

“Y/N…”

“I found you.” I say knowing that ignoring his question would just prolong this visit.

Steve nodded. “Was he there?”

“No. Look I am glad you’re okay but I have to leave.” I say biting back my anger. He didn’t even care that I was the one who found him like that? Or the fact we all thought he died? I took a deep breath now that Bucky was alive he really didn’t probably care about anything else. Bucky was still his first priority. Maybe it was a good thing I had to go to ground for a little while.

He shakes his head. “You know Natasha has to rebuild to and she’s not just disappearing.”

Yet, she would because like me she would need a cover to survive after the enemies that she has made.

I let out a breath and sat down on the left side of his bed. “I’m a fugitive at this point Steve until otherwise I need to disappear for a while.” I explained. I mean the other reason was because he didn’t need me but I sure as hell was not going to tell him that.

Steve licks his lips. “Look just stick around I am sure we can figure something out.”

I gave him a small smile and picked up his water. “You have bigger things to worry about my friend.” I say handing Steve the water. Why

He sighs and takes the water and drinks it. “I could use your help.” He points out.

“You have to worry about finding Bucky. You don’t need to worry about me and my problems Steve.” I say. Knowing that he was just going to ask me to stay to help find him faster.

Steve drank the water while giving me a leveled look. “Help find him then.” He says.

I shake my head. “I can’t.” I say standing up from his bed. I leaned over him and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Go find him Steve.” I say before trying to leave.

He sets his water down before I can move away from him and proceeds to wrap his right arm around my waist pulling me closer to him.

“Promise me something then.” Steve says forcing me to stare into his blue orbs.

I nod waiting for him to tell me what it is that I was supposed to promise him.

“Promise that I’ll get to see you again.”

I give him a sad smile knowing that he was referring to what happened to Peggy and the rest of the Howling Commandos.

“Promise. It will be like I did not even leave.” I say.

He stares at me for a while before releasing me from his hold.

“I’m holding you to that Y/N.”

“You do the same Steve.” I say stepping away from the bed,

“You die on me I will bring you back to make your life hell.” I threatened with a laugh.

He gives me a small smile before resting his head against the pillow. “Promise.”

I watch as his eyes close and he drifts back to sleep before turning to head out of the room. I stop in the door way and give him one last look. Why could he not see how much I needed him? Or how much I needed to hear that he needed me? I sighed before pulling my hood up and disappearing like a ghost.

2 Months Later

I stare out my window as we drive the New York streets. I it’s weird driving around here knowing Steve is just a few miles away. I sigh inwardly he’s been a few miles away for months and knows exactly where I am and does not want to see me.

I quirk an eyebrow as the driver pulls up to my condo. I can’t help but glare at Coulson.

“What are we doing here?” I asked as the car pulls to a stop in front of my place.

“You are needed for another job.”  He says nodding towards my front door.

I turn my face and look out the window and am met with a hooded figure leaning against my door. Who was that?

“You can’t be serious?” I say motioning to my right arm in its cast.

“Sorry Agent but I am.”

I glared at him as I yanked open the door with my left arm. First he allows me to work with a new agent who is an imbecile and broke my right arm and now he’s shuffling me around for someone else.

I climb out of the car and wince as I jar my arm. Great. This was just lovely. I sigh and turn around to face him.

He is stretched out and reaching for the door. “Some things happen for a reason Agent.” He says shutting the door.

I stepped away from the car and glared at it as it pulled away. Seriously? Hadn’t I done enough over the years to not be manipulated? I turned around and approached the hooded figure.

As I was four steps away from the figure I recognized it as Steve. I don’t know if I should feel relieved or angry that he is only now visiting me after I called and told him I was back.

“Steve.” I say brushing up against him to unlock my door.

“Y/N.” He says just moving enough to let me unlock the door.

“Can I help you with something?” I ask shakily.

Steve shoves open my door and holds it for me while motioning for me to enter.

I walked into my place and to my couch. What was he doing here? Was he here for me or was he here to get Bucky?

“I need your help Y/N.” Steve says walking behind me.

I place my left arm against the couch. Needed my help but not me.

“Sorry Steve I kinda can’t do anything.” I say motioning to the cast on my right arm.

“I found Bucky.” He says as if that would change my mind.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning to face him. “Why’d you need me help if you found him?”

“Because I trust you.” He says shrugging.

I shook my head. How was everything that simple to him? “I heard about Ultron ar-“

“I’m not here to talk about that Y/N.” He says cutting me off.

I’m going to go with anger at seeing him. “Fine. Good luck with finding Bucky.” I say walking around my couch to sit down. I retrieve the remote from the coffee table and turn on the TV.

“Y/N…”

“The answer is no.” I say shaking my head.

“Coulson said yo-“

“Well tell your pal Coulson I quit then.” I say glaring at the TV.

“Y/N-“ He says moving to stand in front of the couch.

“I kept my promise.  You kept yours. I say we are good Rogers.”  I growled out. Couldn’t he see what he did?

“Why are you mad at me?” he asks cocking his head as if he would get the answer.

“I’m not.” I say glaring at him for blocking my view of the TV.

“Yes you are.” He says sighing.

I give him a tight smile. “It doesn’t really matter.”

“I need to get to him he needs me.” Steve says.

I shook my head. Just like I needed him? I bit my lip to stop from saying something that would hurt him.

“What happened to you when you went underground?” He asks crossing his arms in anger.

“I had a nice dose of reality.” I say surging to my feet. “You seem to have missed that as of recently.”

I move from my couch to leave because that seemed the only way to make Steve disappear.

Steve grabbed my arm cutting off my escape. “I just need your help to get to Bucky Y/N.”

I shake my head. Apparently our friendship was nothing to him. “I’ll help on two conditions Steve.”

“Anything.” He says as his shoulders sag in relief.

“Why didn’t you ever call me back?” I asked tugging my arm out of his hold.

Steve shrugged. “I had things to do Y/N.”

I nodded. Being with and working with the Avengers and finding Bucky were what he had to do. I knew that was what he would do from the day I saw him last. But I still ranked nowhere on that list? Have I ever?

“I see.” I say nodding and stepping away from him. “Forget the second condition. I’ll do it if it makes you leave.” I say turning and heading for the door, “Lets go now.”

“Y/N…” He says lowly.

“Hurry up before I change my mind.” I say tugging the door open.

Steve brushed passed me and headed to the black Camaro outside of my door. I followed reluctantly. I really didn’t evne matter? I closed my eyes and tugged open my door and sat down before slamming the passenger door closed.

“He’s in Brooklyn. Sam and Natasha are meeting us there.” He says looking into traffic and joining it.

“Why am I needed then?”

“You’re better at handling people than they are.” He says glancing between the road and me.

I turned my head and stared out the window as we lapsed into a tension filled silence.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call.”

I ignored him and continued to stare out of my window. “Doesn’t matter.” I say as I felt Steve stare at me longer than necessary.

“I hu-“

“Really doesn’t matter Steve.” I say. I mean if he really cared about me he would have tracked me down or called me when he found out that I called but he didn’t he waited until he needed me to contact me.

“It does to me. I need you too. I need you in a different way then Bucky.” Steve sighed as we pulled up to a park. “He’s here.”

“Lovely.” I say sarcastically. A different way?

I climbed out of the car and spotted Sam and Natasha. They both nodded at me. We approached them.

“He’s at the bench.” Nat says.

Steve and I both nod.

“Y/N…Go sit with him and distracted him until Steve approaches.” She says.

I roll my eyes. “Whatever.” I grumble and head towards the bench.

As I approach I see him look at me. I give him a wary smile and tuck my hair behind my ear.

“D-do yo-you mind if I set here?” I stutter out in fake nervousness.

He shakes his head no.

I sat down next to him and stared at my hands.

I could feel his intense gaze on me but choose to ignore it.

“You okay?” He asks in a husky voice.

I visibly swallowed honesty seems to be what will work best on him I analyze.

“Not really, but things could be worse.” I say straining my hands together.

“You want to talk about it?” He asks looking out over the water.

“I don’t want to bo-“

He gives me a small laugh. “Please do.”

I smile at him sadly. “There’s this guy I made a mistake in trusting and needing.”

“Mistake?” He asks turning to face me.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as Sam get in place incase Bucky tries to run.

I shrugged. “I put him on my list and he really doesn’t care about me.”

“I’m sorry.”

I felt my tears well up. “Not as much as I am. I should have known better than to make him a priority.” I say as Steve and Natasha approached.

“Well if you ask me you don’t need him. Or anyone who doesn’t put you somewhere on their list.”

No I really did, he just didn’t need me. I thought as I closed my eyes. He was a good man. But Bucky was right I couldn’t be around Steve if he didn’t need me for me.

“I wish I could tell myself that.” I say as Steve calls out Bucky’s name.

Bucky turns startled to his name.

“Wh-“

I stand up and lay my hand on his shoulder. “He wants to help you. He needs to help you.” I say nodding encouraging at Steve.

Bucky nods and stands.

I give him a fake smile. “Go with him.”

As Bucky walked up to them they started walking back to the cars together followed at distance as Sam watched their backs.

I felt my tears build up. I couldn’t go with. I turned and faced the water. Bucky was right if Steve didn’t put me on his list I shouldn’t have him on mine. I sat back down on the bench and put my head in my hands praying to god my tears did not fall.

“Y/N.” I hear Steve say.

I took a deep breath and plastered a fake expression on my face.

“Yeah?” I said turning my head to look at him.

“I’ve got to take Bucky you need me to drop you off?” Steve said in a rush.

He really just used me? I close my eyes. He really didn’t care.

I forced a laugh. “I’ll find my own.”

Steve nodded. “”Y/N-“

I heard him sigh and sit down next to me. “I forgot how beautiful sunsets were.” He says staring out at the seen in front of us. “What has gotten into you?”

“Nothing.”

“Y/N…” He warns.

“I just realized that..” I took a deep breath before turning to face him. “I needed a change.”

“You’re going to leave again…” He says turning to face me in anger.

I let out a forced laughed. “You don’t have to be angry.”

“Yo-“

“I’ve been back for a month Steve. I called. I kept my promise. You’re the one who never picked up.”

“I-“

“Doesn’t matter. Go Bucky needs you.”

“It does.” He says tugging me towards him so my head lay on his chest. “Because I need you.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “Sure the hell doesn’t feel like it.”

“I didn’t call because I didn’t know if I could trust what Bucky did. You’re too damn important.”

“Ste-“ I say trying to cut off his bullshit.

He used his left hand to bring my chin up towards his. “I needed to find Bucky to protect you in case they realized you’re the only way to get to me.”

“That’s such bullshit.” I say.

“No, Y/N. These last two years you helped immensely. You made me understand things I- you mean a hell of a lot.”

“St-“

He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. “You saved me long before I knew I needed it. You made me want to live with what I lost. So yes I need you.”

“Bu-“

“I am going to go. But promise me you’ll stay Y/N.”

I nodded.

I sat looking down at my hands as he walked away. I looked at Steve’s back. Screw it. Life was passed on leaps of faith. I stood and ran to catch up with Steve. I wrapped my arm around his waist.

“Mind if I get I ride back?”

Steve smiled down at me before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and placing a kiss on my head. “Not at all.”

Horror starter

(( for askcarmina: Our muses are lost in the woods when they hear ghostly voices/singing ))

The hike had started off promising enough - a bright sunset, warm breezes, and a picnic dinner followed by lazing about for a while on their blanket. Soon after they packed up and started back for home, though, things started looking familiar. Conversation lulled as Daisy began to notice that they kept passing the same area, over and over. Now, dusk was settling in, and her heart leapt with every rustle and crackle.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, trying not to have a meltdown. “This is all my …” She trailed off, stopping to adjust her ears.

“Did you hear that?”

A couple months ago balticprincess suggest d I write a fic that is set in the famous cupboard. After all the fun that’s been happening on my dash, I may be ready to pick up the pen again. I’ve been in a slump but pondering a smuttish escapade on my drive into work. Thanks, MFMM fandom. You made my drive interesting.

It still hurts my heart that near the end of the maze runner, Thomas promises chuck to get him home to his mum, but even after all what the gladers had been through to get to the Paradise it still sucked because they never got to see their own parents, not to mention some certain character deaths that just killed me. Okay I love James Dashner’s work but seriously A BETTER ENDING I AM GOING TO RANT NOW, even though at the end they are safe it is so depressing, like I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AFTERWARDS I WISH HE KEPT THE STORY GOING. but then it wouldn’t have been a trilogy I guess.. but I still find it so unsatisfying and sad, especially about what Thomas had to do.. like he will have to live with that for the rest of his life, the gladers will ALL have to live with the traumatic past events, that’s even worse than physical damage, physiological damage what they will have to live with in their mind is almost as heartbreaking as their friends, well their family they had lost. Just think of the guilt Thomas would be feeling. WHY.

I know I don’t have to explain myself but I feel it’s necessary.

If you heard about the girl who had a panic attack at stage door that was me. I can promise you that it wasn’t because I was meeting Darren. This wasnt my first time meeting him, and I’m past the point of freaking out now.
What did happen was Annie (security)kept telling people to get out of the street, and I turned to see who it was, and it was two middle age women. When Darren came out he said he couldn’t stay long, so okay. He got to my section(by bobby’s car) and his car was super hot and I was leaning against it for a while. When Darren got to my friends, the two women who wouldn’t get out of the street got behind me and pushed into me.

I picked a spot a I knew I would be able to get out of easily if I could. I’ve made the mistake several times of not doing that. When those two women got behind me they were screaming and shoving their posters/ and playbills over and around me, basically giving me no space and no way to let me out. When I’m put into a situation like that I can’t focus, and panic. I was NOT panicking because of meeting him, not to get his attention or to be an attention hog. If I feel as if I am in danger I don’t feel okay.

Another thing I want to address is the video. I know several people who got it on video and it’s not a big deal. One of my friends happened to be talking to him while I was mid panic attack and I’m totally fine with it. She’s a close friend of mine and see nothing wrong with that. What I find wrong is people asking for more videos of me and him because they want to see him comforting me, and see how sweet it is. What I want is for people to stop making my friends out to be bad people because they are able to see the show more than once. I’m not upset at her, I’m upset at the fan base

I don’t need people asking how I did it; saying I panicked because of him, saying so much wrong stuff about me. If you want the truth; read this.

Dear Taylor

I just wanted to let you know I’m so thankful for tonight, June 12th 2015 will be my favorite day forever and ever. Finally seeing you for the first time was unbelievable. I didn’t think it will actually happen and I’m really glad it did. Seeing your smile live was incredible and probably the best thing ever. You were so cute and adorable and ugh perfect. I don’t know if you saw me I was all covered up in gold glitter.
I don’t know why but I just feel this hole in my heart and I honestly don’t know why I should be so happy because I finally got to see you which has been my dream for a couple of years now. Well one thing that really bugged me was that while I was dancing (horribly but having fun btw) this girls around me were laughing and I promise I was trying to shake it off but I just couldn’t. I kept dancing anyways but knowing they were making fun of me wasn’t that great.
I really hate when people do this to me, I’m not confident about myself and I thought no one would care about my awkward dancing today but apparently they did. And they laughed about it. I just can’t get it out of my mind.
Okay enough about that… YOU DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I SMILED LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN YOU WERE TALKING, YOU JUST MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER DON’T YOU?! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH FOR THE SHOW TONIGHT AND I HOPE I GET TO GO TO ANOTHER ONE! I’ll find a way.
I hope you read this cause since I didn’t get chosen for Loft 89 (which is totally fine I know it’s hard to pick the fans) I wanted you to know me through here.
Thank you so much again you make everything better and you make me wanna become a better person. You make me wanna do my best and never pay attention to the haters, they don’t deserve it.
I love you Taylor, honestly I do and I don’t know what I would do without your incredible songs and your really perfect self. You are amazing Taylor I hope you know that.
Don’t let them bring you downtaylorswift

Absolution


Heyo! So I got this request: “ priest!gerard smut????” and I happily obeyed! I really hope you guys enjoy this and to those of you who made requests, I promise you they’re on their way!

(NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNER!)

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You walked into the church at an obscenely late hour but knew it was now or never, entering the large Catholic Church you kept your head down until reaching the confession booth and sat down. Picking at your chipped nail polish until you heard the other door open and saw a silhouette sit on the other side of you.

“What would you like to confess, my child?” a familiar voice questioned, and you felt your cheeks flush as a grin played on your lips.

“Forgive me father for I have sinned…repeatedly,” you replied, biting your lip.

“What would you like to confess?”

“That I have lustful thoughts of a man…a man of the cloth…”

The man on the other side of the partition remained silent, the action only seemed to egg you on.

“I have such dirty thoughts about him, Father…I think about him touching me, touching me in places a man shouldn’t touch until after marriage.” You said innocently, your hands moving to play with the hem of your short and flimsy black dress.

Your hands slowly began to slide down your thighs and back up, bunching the material up around your hips as you traced the skin in between your thighs with your fingertips.

“What do you imagine?” the man questioned, his face still facing the door.

“I imagine his hands in between my thighs, running his fingers along my cunt…” you replied softly, lustfully as you played out the actions you described.

“His large hands cupping and squeezing my breasts while he fingers me…” You paused slipping a hand into your underwear while the other groped your breast.

Leaning against the partition you said breathily.

“I think about you, Father Way…about you fucking me…” You said through a soft moan, slipping a finger into your entrance.

There was silence, but your attention quickly moved in front of you and you were met by the man of your wet-dreams. His normally light hazel eyes were clouded with lust and you smirked, licking your lips.

“Want to help me, Father?” you purred, yelping when he yanked you by the arm and dragged you out of the confession booth.

For a moment you were worried your bold actions were going to get you into trouble, however, your fears were put to ease the moment Father Way shoved you against a wall in a dark room and pressed his body against yours. His lips practically attacked yours full of sinful hunger and you gladly fed it, your tongues dancing against each other in an underlying fight for dominance. His hand gently wrapped around your throat as a knee shoved itself in between your legs, the top of his thigh pressing against the apex of your legs making you moan into his mouth. Pulling away Father Way’s lips travelled down the side of your neck and down to your chest, leaving a trail of kisses that made your skin tingle.

“You’re such a sinful woman, (Y/N)…” Gerard growled, standing straight once more before grabbing your thighs and you jumped wrapping them around his waist as he pushed you against the wall – rougher than you would have expected, but you enjoyed it.

“I’m your sin, Father…” You smirked, your head falling back when you felt his hands tug the front of your dress down exposing your chest to him.

Going commando is paying off…’ you thought internally, thankful for planning ahead.

Father Way latched his mouth onto the peak of your left breast while his hand massaged your right, the teasing was driving you crazy, you’ve been waiting for this moment far too long to be teased this much….

“P-Please Father…please fuck me…” You begged through a moan, the plead seemed to ignite a whole new fire within the man.

Moments later you heard the undoing of a zipper and shivered in anticipation, the tip of his hardened length pressed against your entrance and you moaned, clutching the back of his black cassock. Without warning Father Way shoved his cock deep into you, pausing a moment for you to adjust to his length. You pushed your head further against the stone wall, releasing a piercing moan. The raven haired man attacked your neck in sloppy kisses before he began to thrust in and out of you, each movement making your body jerk, tearing moans from your throat each time.

“O-Oh fuck…yes…oh fuck yes!” You practically screamed, your nailed digging into the man’s back.

“You’ve got such a dirty mouth…” Father Way said through a grunt and moan.

“Only f-for you Father- FUCK! S-So fucking close!” You cursed loudly, feeling your insides tighten with each thrust.

You quickly began to notice his thrusts become sloppier and you knew Father Way was close behind you, on more hard thrust and you were thrown over the edge, a powerful orgasm raking through your body. Father Way tumbled off the edge right after you moaning out loudly, the two of you remained against the wall, his thrust were slow but powerful and carried the two of you through your orgasms. Finally, he pulled out of you and held you up when he realized you were still too weak in the knees to stand properly. Looking up at him he leaned in and kissed you feverishly before grinning lazily at you.

“I think you have far more sins to confess, my child…”

You smirked at his words.

“That I do, Father…”

Exactly a month ago Taylor followed me. As you can see in the picture above, I had to tell my crush I liked him. Now it is a REALLY hard thing to do because I am a really shy person. But when I say that I will do something I will do it. So I kept that promise. It took time till I was ready to tell him (well I was never ready). Today it was the last day of term 2. At the end of the day I faced my fears and told him. I said “I like you, bye” and just walked away because I am shy. So I didn’t see his reaction. According to my friend he was smiling. It was so scary. My friends are all so proud of me. ( I literally have the best friends ever taylurkinq) I just wanted Taylor to know that I kept my promise and I did it. I don’t know if she even saw that post. But oh well. Thank you so much if you read all of this. Love, Nadya xx taylorswift

2

I couldn’t let today past without acknowledging the man who made me who I am today. The love..the support..the shoulder to cry on..the provider..the bodyguard…my twin..my father. I am so very fortunate to have my father in my life. We have had periods where we haven’t spoken and I regret them…but it taught me a lot. My father went through so much to be where he and I are now…and I am, for life, forever grateful and forever trying to repay it in being the best person I can be. My father made a promise when I was young and has always kept it..he will always be here, he will always tell me the truth, he will always do whatever he can for me. I love him dearly and couldn’t ask for a better person to call “Pops”. Happy Father’s Day, Love You! 💖

I have had depression for five years now. I have tried to cope with my sickness through alcohol and drugs and self-harm and suicide. I tried to let people inside my mind because they promised they were here to help, but friends become distant when they realize that I cannot be cured. I isolated myself, I kept everything inside.

So, when I met you I told you not to waste your time. I asked you not to leave. You said you cared. You said you needed me. You said you loved me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more loved in my entire life.

But then you left for the same reason everyone else did. I am too toxic. I bring others down. I’m too negative, I don’t make you happy, I don’t show enough love.

And suddenly I don’t know how to cope with my depression anymore. I don’t want to drink or smoke or cut myself and watch myself bleed. I just want you. Only you. You’re the best medicine I’ve ever had, the best comfort I’ve ever experienced, my best friend.

You let me call you my home. Let me come home.

—  homesick, 12:18 am
on a day like this, i’d swear
that goddamn closet’s getting smaller,
when all i want to do is to make myself taller.
louder, prouder, shouting my heart out!
(you see, we’ll tell the whole fucking world we’re free,
all the people who love like me)
as for now, i know i still have to hide
these unshed tears of pride
behind the same kind of indifference that kept us quiet all this time.
but some day, i swear that
mom and dad be damned,
i’ll take my lover’s hand
and let love be the promised land.
(exchange the rings, and the choir sings)
—  june 26, 2015 | f.s.

Its fucked up family is suppose to be there for you and pick you up, they’re suppose to love you and make you feel stronger and believe you can be stronger. They’re suppose to let you know they’ll be there no matter what and when you need them most they kept their promise. But no you come home thinking things will be different, but now that i have these new set of eyes this window of family is disgusting. Their family is created without me in it. I don’t ever want my children to feel or go through what i have I would NEVER EVER want them crying because they have been convinced I don’t love them or I wont support them. I wont choose a dogs life over their own, I wont let them grow up thinking they aren’t beautiful, I wont let them grow up thinking they cant talk to me about anything. I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM BECAUSE I AM THEIR PARENT. A mothers love is something I’ve learned not every child receives and its really sad. Thats your child your own, how could you abandon them? Whats worse is when they have no one to go to. And family may be have considered strangers. Irrelevant beings.

anonymous asked:

im ready to die bc i lost all my friends and have no one anymore. my parents always tell me how im a nothing piece of crap. the only person that has kept me alive up until now is my boyfriend but now ive lost the will to keep living. my psychiatrist even verbally attacked me when i went to him. im a waste of space and i just want to die.

i’m sorry to hear about that, and i’m always here for you :C so you are not alone i promise, and just try and talk with your boyfriend about everything, i’m sure he loves you and would want to help, and when you psychiatrist makes it worse just change him and try going to another one, but please don’t to anything to yourself, its gonna be okay :/

The Amity Affliction

“Death’s Hand”

I held death’s hand this evening

Can’t keep my heart from beating
Can’t keep my throat from screaming
There has to be another way for me to keep on living

I held death’s hand this evening
Closed my eyes now I’m dreaming
I promise I won’t leave here
Don’t let me die I’m fucking screaming

‘Cause I’ve got more life left to live (got some promises to keep)
To all the hearts that carried me (up from the ocean deep)
I’ve had to do some searching to understand our reasons
For every selfish feeling (I held death’s hand this evening)

Now my lungs are failing
And my heart is fading
My mind is taking me
So far away I’m dreaming
For every selfish reason
I kept the bottles rolling
I poured my heart out
To stop you from leaving

I held death’s hand this evening
Closed my eyes now I’m dreaming
I promise I won’t leave here
Don’t let me die I’m fucking screaming

'Cause I’ve got more life left to live (got some promises to keep)
To all the hearts that carried me (up from the ocean deep)
I’ve had to do some searching to understand our reasons
For every selfish feeling (I held death’s hand this evening)

You’re the ones that kept me going
I owe you this much
You gave me the strength to say,
“Hey, Death, get fucked!”

Now my lungs are failing
And my heart is fading
My mind is taking me
So far away I’m dreaming
Now my lungs are failing
And my heart is fading
My mind is taking me…

5

// Like A Virgin` 


I was everything all the other angels wanted me to be; pure, innocent & trapped in time. My mind was an intricate garden full of flowering vines, caressed by the rays of hope & sunshine; until he came. He was not a knight in the shining armor, he was not a hero, he was not an angel; he was just a simple human being. Young, ferocious, filled with passion, hope & life. His words were filled with the hues of cosmos itself. The spark of his love kept glowing softly in my heart and one day I gave him my innocence, my purity, my virtue; everything. I was banished from my home after that, but I was happy for I was free. His love kept playing me like a tune and I kept filling my lungs with the scent of his broken promises till I started to choke & one day, he just left.
Now, I am just like a strand of smoke wavering out of hell. Darkness awakens at my touch; my flesh is covered with different shades of desire and my mind; my mind is a burial place of dark stars.
I am lost. But, I want to be found. Like a virgin.

© Shahroz Hyder