sometimes you don’t listen to your past self and it ends badly and your wife is going to give you shit about this forever after you remember her:
alternate title: it wasnt sexual tension you idiots
or: cursed au. blame it on discord. dont worry about it!
So the guy at the tavern isn’t Taako’s type. Not at all. First of all: the denim. Second of all: the mullet. Taako prides himself on good taste. This man? Looks like he rolled out of a fantasy costco. This guy’s like, someone’s dad. Someone’s rowdy dad. But sometimes you just end up talking with people, and they turn out to be… chill. This guy — Bluejeans — is chill. He has a nice laugh, and a nice smile, and something about him feels real fucking familiar. Taako’s been on the run for two months. He could use a little familiar.
The coin’s been whispering in Barry’s ear the entire night, and by whispering, he means shouting.
DON’T SLEEP WITH HIM, it yells. I KNOW HE’S HOT BUT YOU CAN’T HIT ON THIS SPECIFIC ELF.
Barry wishes that the coin was more like a stone of farspeech than a pre-recorded message. Why can’t he hit on this guy? Specifically this guy? What does his past self have against this guy? The guy — Taako, no last name — is, well, he’s kind of out of Barry’s league, actually.
YOU WILL REGRET IT IF YOU SLEEP WITH HIM, the coin emphasizes. DEATH WILL BE SMALL POTATOES COMPARED TO THE OUTCOME OF THIS!
Barry’s been wandering around from old battleground to battleground, weird artifact store to creepy auction house, he’s been living in a cave. The coin promises him the memory of a love that means everything to him. The coin also warns him against visiting the second moon. It’s more reliable in some ways than others.
Taako is hot, and funny, and something about him feels right. Feels like a lessening of the niggling absence in his chest.
Ah, fuck it.
Everything up until the sex is fantastic. And then… well, after its over they’re lying in bed and there’s just, a really weird vibe in the room. Weirder than normal after a hookup.
“So, uh,” Taako says.
“Yeah,” Barry says. “Yeah, no.”
“Not that you’re not pretty cool, or whatever—”
“No, yeah, no, you were fine, you were great it’s just—”
“Yeah,” Taako agrees, sitting up. “Yeah. Alright, I’m gonna leave before this gets weirder, see you round, cowboy.”
“It was nice meeting you,” Barry says, and winces, because god, who tells someone that after they fuck. Fortunately, Taako laughs.
“You too, my man. I’ll hit you up if I’m ever passing through.”
He closes the door behind him before Barry can tell him that Barry’s not going to be in town much longer. He’s is left lying in bed in his rented room. The coin is silent.