there's no one to stop me from doing shit like this

WHY YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOUR SIGN
  • Aries: You play all the time, and you play to win. You are a cheerful and a happy person but god help the ones who do you wrong or the ones you love. You know how to party and you know how to have fun. You always give great compliments. You have a great body and great physical looks. Your smile is sexy and your laughter is even sexier. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Taurus: You have an impeccable taste for literally everything, you are the biggest hedonist out there and you simply know how to live. And you love life itself which comes in many forms. You have a cheerful spirit, intriguing mentality and even a greater heart. You are capable of putting up with so much shit and staying sane, haters can just stay jealous. You have the power to crack the earth in two when you witness negativity and you will. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Gemini: Your intelligence, style and communication skills know no borders. You are always the funny one, and even while some people might think that you're a drama queen or a double-faced attention whore, you just know that it isn't true. And you don't fight them but you let them learn it themselves that you're not a double-faced backstabber who hurts people for fun. You just love supporting people and making their lives better. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Cancer: You are literally one of the sweetest experiences one could ever have. You can teach people a lot, and you can stay strong through a lot of shit in your life. You are pure, innocent, loving and caring. You give the best hugs out there and you know how to satisfy people. You are full of positivity and you always put people's needs before yours. You can stand up and keep an insanely happy face even you're being torn apart inside. You are strong and you are one of the most sensitive people out there, which makes you really strong. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.|
  • Leo: You have this cheerful spirit and you radiate with alluring energy. People might accuse you of wanting to be the center of attention but you deserve to be the center of attention because you are special and you know what you're capable of. You just want to assure people that you're a person who's capable of many things and you can lead yourself and people to greatness. You are a natural born supporter and you simply know how to make people's lives better. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Virgo: You are really a person who's great in many spheres of life. You're deep. People might accuse you of being overcritical and a perfectionist, but don't let them bring you down. Yes, you are critical and you are a perfectionist but that's because you just want everything to be alright. You suffer from tons of anxiety when you want to achieve something but believe me, it will pay off. Just stay strong and don't listen to people who say that you're very silent and unsuccessful because you have the potential to surpass them all. You are a great thinker, a very intelligent person and you are one of the biggest go-getters out there. Stay strong and you will succeed in whatever it is you want. You know how to fix people's problems and you are born to help. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Libra: You are a person who radiates with positive energy. You are a beacon of happiness and you are one of the most creative people out there. You know how to care for people and you know how to love. God damn it, you have impeccable style and you know how to dress. You are appealing and both your physical and mental beauty are dominant when you enter a room of new people. You are a big, big person with even a bigger heart than your body and you know how to give people an advice. Those pieces of advice you give, often fix people's problems. You are beautiful. You are admirable. You are capable of many things and you know how to get shit done. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Scorpio: You are a person who's capable of many things. People usually think that you're too intense, childish, evil and vengeful but you're not. You just know how to have fun and you love making people's lives better. You are a master of telling jokes. Your eyes can penetrate deep inside a person's soul and see the sadness inside that person. And you will help that person. You help people on a daily basis, even if they don't see it. Most of the time you are very sad and you suffer inside because you think that people don't see what you've done for them, and that is okay. But believe me, they do see what you've done for them. And if anyone wrongs you or a person you love, you can avenge yourself or that person you love. Many people think that you're cruel and unforgiving but that's not true. Don't listen to the stereotypes for Scorpios and focus on being a good person. You forgive endlessly, you just don't like showing your emotions because people might manipulate you or use them against you, so you might do some things (which you will later regret) just because you don't want to seem weak. But that's how you protect yourself. Don't worry about others' opinions, you're a great person, filled with positivity. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Sagittarius: You are a person who cares about everyone. You are not bitchy and nervous, it's just that you are sick of people doing mistakes which they will later regret. You are a born teacher and you are born to lead people into a new, better world. People need to start listening to your pieces of advice because the pieces of advice you give are priceless. You are not extreme and you are not impulsive because you want to be, you do it because you want to prove others that you're a good person and a person who honestly and sincerely cares about everything. You often suffer from anxiety and insomnia, but it's because you are a very intelligent person and your mind works a lot faster than other people's. You come off as a person whom everyone thinks that hates emotions and doesn't know how to feel, but, believe me, you know how to feel. You just can't stand it when people don't live just and you are born to fix the mistakes of yours and of other people's. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Capricorn: You are a deeply caring person but you don't show it as most people do. Others will think that you're unfeeling and cold-blooded because of the way you show your emotions and because of your silent nature, but you are not emotionless. You are a person who cares a lot about your and other people's future. You are not materialistic and money-oriented, you are a person who is concerned with your and other people's well-being, so you work your ass off because you know where you might end up one day. Don't let people pick with you or underestimate you because you are a very sensitive and emotional person who knows how to support people and lead them to happiness. You will be made fun of, you will be insulted, you will be hated and you will be fought but you should know that you shouldn't give up of spreading positivity and working hard to achieve your goals. Don't let negative people stop you and bring you down. Learn that you are a person who knows how to function. You are not dull, as most people think. But let them think because you needn't carry about negative people's irrelevant opinions because you know who you are, and you are not dull. You are a very interesting, funny and creative person. You are a great friend, parent, partner and a lover. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Aquarius: You are an open-minded person and your intelligence is really great. You are a very understanding person and you know how to have fun. You lead people into great adventures which might seem risky, but you do it for the sake of fun. Best memories always come from great experiences, and you know how to make people experience things. You are not limited and detached as most people think, you are a person who just thinks rationally for your and the lives for the people around you. You are not argumentative as everyone thinks, you are debatable. There's a difference. You love learning and debating, you just seem argumentative because you're passionate for debates and learning new things. You are not a weirdo or a freak, you're an eccentric person. There's a difference. You are a great friend. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Pisces: You are one of the most insightful people out there and you simply know everything, because you feel everything. you have the gift of unlimited and uncontrollable emotions, which might sometimes take advantage of you but I assure you that you have the ability to control your emotions. You are one of the most intelligent people out there. You are very beautiful, both physically and mentally. You are a natural born philosopher and you're the deepest person there is. You are not weak just because you are hurt or triggered easily, you are strong and powerful beyond limits because you experience everything both with your heart, soul and mind. You absorb people's feelings and you absorb information like a sponge. You are capable of many things. No matter your easygoing, sweet, cheerful or introverted nature, you are one of the best fighters out there and you always win no matter what, because you stubbornly go to extremes and you have the ability to go to the end of the universe and back, if it's required of you to get what you want. You fight till the very end and you know how to sit on the throne. Despite most people's (stupid) opinion, you are not a wallflower. You are a natural born leader who just seems dreamy and lost most of the time but that's because you're very intelligent and you think like no-one else does. When the topic of a conversation is brought, I bet you've already been overthinking about it. You can put up with so much shit and you can go through everything, you can run through hell and fly through heaven in order to achieve your goals. You are not weak, you're just a person with the most intense emotions out there. Learn to control things and you will be unstoppable. When someone hurts you or someone you love, you will turn into a giant shark and every unjust person will feel the ocean's wrath. You are not weak because you're a forgiving person, you are just one level above all those haters and you actually understand why people made those mistakes, and that's why you forgive - when you forgive. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
The Signs as Quotes From the Crystal Kingdom Arc
  • Aquarius: Hot diggity shit, that is a baller cookie.
  • Pisces: We don't know shit about history, what are you talking about? We can't remember what we're doing right now!
  • Aries: It seems like the least you could do after getting my ass thrown off the back of a moving train is see to my plants and my begonias and my fruits and my lilies.
  • Taurus: Those rules of nature are there for a reason, so let's just stop running afoul of them as if this was all just sort of funsy-fun make-believe, what do you say?
  • Gemini: I can't tell if you're joking, which is kind of par for the course.
  • Cancer: People say that about Thomas Edison a lot, like, he invented the lightbulb. But like, they didn't have 'em back then, right? So if I'd been around back then, that would've been easy for me. Because they didn't have lightbulbs, they didn't have anything. So like, inventing stuff was way easier. These days I'd have to invent, like, a double-lightbulb.
  • Leo: I don't even know how that worked, like, with physics.
  • Virgo: I had a wedding invitation for you to come to my marriage ceremony, and instead of RSVPing to it, you murdered me.
  • Libra: No, it was great, I loved the way it ... was there.
  • Scorpio: Well, hold on, there's three of us, we work individually, we're not a hivemind. I would say at least one of us has a solid grasp, one of us is halfway there, and probably one of us just started paying attention.
  • Sagittarius: I stitched the word 'dickhead' on his body, just so you guys know. Shh! So we get our revenge, in secret.
  • Capricorn: Let me tell you something. That nerd is a necromancer.
Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!
Guys help I’m emotional

So I wrote a thing- Its a Langst thing.

It isnt finished and its just in the ‘summarize’ stage but… I dont know if I should expand on it?

Read it under the cut if you wantttt

Keep reading

TFP characters as dril tweets
  • Optimus Prime: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
  • Ratchet: the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: “theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron”
  • Bumblebee: 1st grade: Mastered. 2nd Grade: MAstered. 3rd Grade: Mastered. 4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you 5th Grade:This ones hard
  • Arcee: strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian
  • Bulkhead: i fear my tropical fish no longer respect me after i accidetnally stumbled backwards & smushed my ass hole right up against their $3000 tank
  • Wheeljack: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
  • Cliffjumper: priest plugs my coffin in at the end of the funeral. “MILLERTIME” lights up in neon on the side, desecrating my corpse & sending me to hell
  • Smokescreen: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. I hoot and holler out of the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying
  • Ultra Magnus: Blocked. Blocked. Blocked. You are all blocked. None of you are free of sin
  • Jack: yes trolls. unlike you, i have a brain. its called a " JOB "
  • Raf: downloading shit loads of counterfeit papa john coupons through unsecure wifi net works
  • Miko: DAD: i just heard on t he news that teens are taking the "Kick My Ass" challenge. please dont do this ME: you have no power over me, old man
  • Jane Darby: startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no
  • Fowler: i enjoy a bit of "Humour" every now and then, but people seriously need to stop tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances
  • Megatron: my followeres, who all hate me, and wish to kick my ass, are nobodys, and they lack the combat training to injure me, because theyre infant
  • Stascream: I just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in
  • Soundwave: im the guy who airbrushes the nipples out of pro wrestling ads. i make $85k a year. but i have a secret *removs shades to reveal nipple eyes
  • Knockout: I put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like “oh tortures bad” , “its ineffective” fuck off
  • Breakdown: my grave is just a huge tv displaying videos of me doing parkour in hell and it makes all the other graves look like shit
  • Arachnid: i will tell you this right now: I'm from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally
  • Shockwave: i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect.
  • Predaking: please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit
  • Dreadwing: (the trolls watch in astonishment as the milk shake they threw at me flawlessly bounces off of my head wwith minimal pain and mess involved)
  • Unicron: *all horrors begotten by the desire of man flash before eyes* woha! this is awkward *the cries of millions suffering echo* Damn That's Weird

This is cliche and short but I actually finished it so

“Dex." 

"What." 

"I need another word for ‘cleansed’." 

"Do I look like a Thesaurus to you, Nurse?" 

"Chill, dude." 

”… Purified.“ 

Nursey looked up before he could stop himself, shock on his features for barely half a second before switching to… Pleased? Content. No, chuffed. (God, Nursey wanted to use that word in a poem one day. Chuffed.) 

"Thanks." 

Dex, however, didn’t look up. The keys on his thick black laptop clicked almost continuously, and Nursey did not debate internally on whether he was writing an essay or lines of code, because he had poetry assignments to finish for tomorrow. While not procrastinating, he shifted his mind to the whirring machine- it was really fucking old, but the thing was, Dex was the kind of person to repair his own electronics instead of upgrading them. (Like, with pliers and everything. He’s seen it happen.) The thing was in really good shape. Similar to the way that Hugh Jackman was by no means a spry twenty year old, yet looked like it would take nothing short of a battering ram to knock him over. A nice, solid, dependable- 

"What the hell are you muttering about now?” Dex muttered, the hypocrite.

“Aw, nothing.” (Hugh Jackman) “The next line.” (Hugh Jackman as a laptop)

“What’ve you got?" 

Keep reading

Wait, what?

(based on this) (look, there’s a part two)


Yuuri barely has time to grab his jacket when he runs out the door, much less brush his hair or find a hat. Unfortunately, he’s sure that that means that his hair is an absolute mess. It’s been getting long again, but in between classes and helping Yura out with his routine on the weekends, he hasn’t had much time for things like haircuts. Besides, Victor doesn’t seem to mind it, and Yura likes to experiment hairstyles on Yuuri “so that if it looks stupid, I don’t have to see it on myself.”

It’s not that big a deal, except on days like this, when he sleeps in (thanks a lot Vitya) and doesn’t have the time to really get it under control. He usually meets up with his friends before class, and he doesn’t doubt that they’ll notice, and probably tease him about it.

They notice.

“Yuuri!” Estephania gasps, sounding too scandalized for her words to be anything but teasing. “What on earth happened to your hair?”

Yuuri flushes. “I was running late,” he mumbles.

Richard snorts. “You sure? Because that looks more like sex hair to me, man.”

“Ooh, he’s right,” Estephania coos before Yuuri can protest.

He wonders if it’s possible to die of embarrassment (especially since they’re not entirely wrong). “No, really I–”

“We know, sweetie.” She reaches up and moves his hair around a bit, trying to make it look presentable. “You’re just too easy to tease.”

“You sure you’re really twenty seven?” Richard raises an eyebrow.

Yuuri just smiles at the ground in fond humiliation (apparently it’s not a common emotion, but it’s a little hard not to be used to the feeling when he’s married to the world’s biggest drama queen) and nods. “I am.”

His friends are too much sometimes, he admits. Richard is the embodiment of America in a lot of ways: loud, completely lacking a sense of social norms, a walking personification of testosterone. Estephania is less… everything… than Richard, but she’s very touchy and affectionate in an entirely platonic way that reminds Yuuri a lot of Christophe, only without all of the innuendo. But they’re both loyal down to their very core, and they’re not bad people.

His phone starts ringing, Stammi Vicino playing loudly. Yuuri picks up, keeping his phone away from Estephania’s hands. “Да, Vitya?”

“Dude! You speak Russian too?” Richard looks like Yuuri just smacked him in the face. The school year just started, so they’re all still learning about each other.

Yuuri just smiles, since Victor is in the middle of one of his usual mid-morning crises. “Vitya, calm down,” he says in Russian. “Makkachin is probably out with Yura. You know he takes her for walks sometimes. Have you seen him today?”

He manages to get Victor off the phone just before class starts, flipping his phone to airplane mode since he’s sure that this isn’t the last he’ll be hearing from his lovable trainwreck of a husband.



Keep reading

part 2 of 3rd grade teacher nursey?? yes?? ok

(part one)

  • calls all of his kiddos “little bro” regardless of gender. the occasional “little dude” or “little man”
  • the first time he wears a short sleeve dress shirt to school all the kids are obsessed with his tattoo
    • “mr n has a forever drawing on his arm :000″
  • hes the ultimate kid whisperer. anything these kids throw at him? hes got it covered
    • kids are fighting about who gets the 64 pack of crayons. jeremy got them yesterday and now he wants them again?? theres like 4 other kids who want to use them jeremy dont be a dick
    • nursey’s like “can i give you guys a special project? i need a big drawing to put up on the wall. but you all have to help and you all need to use the crayons”
    • jeremy, immediately distributing the crayons and getting a big ass piece of paper: ok mr n!!!!!!

Keep reading

JACKSEPTICEYE FUNFACTFILE

all facts you see here have been seen or said in his videos. they all come from many different videos, so please don’t ask me for the source, because i won’t remember.  Also, some of these may be incorrect, dont kill me. i might update this post once in a while when i learn new things, but ah.

JACKSEPTICEYE FACTS:

  • Is only just below 5′10, making him shorter by Mark (5′9 and a half maybe?)
  • Despite being Irish, he hates getting drunk, but will drink cans or cups of beer sometimes during videos, usually the long one hour ones.
  • A while back, around the time when Jack was with his korean girlfriend, he wanted to move to Korea and be an English teacher for children.
  • He can still speak Korean.
  • Jack has a scar above his left eye where the football hit him (aka the septic eye), you can see it in his eyebrow.
  • Has a degree in hotel management, but studied sound design as well.
  • Around the age of 16-17, he went through the punk phase, meaning he got his ears pierced, listened to punk music, wore black, went to mosh pits, and even had his own band for a while.
  • Jack actually meant to get gauges a size smaller than 8mm, but the people at the piercing place told him no one was in that specialised in those piercing sizes and asked him if he wanted to a size higher (8mm) so he said “fuck it” and got them. The reason he still has the holes is because if you go 8mm and over, the holes won’t reseal.
  • Since Jack had to learn hotel management, he had to learn how to clean hotel rooms, in the correct order. (theres an order of what you have to clean first, apparently.)
  • Lost his virginity at the age of 16.
  • Has VERY dirty humor, but when getting on to the topic of sex in video games he gets very embarrassed.
  • Hasn’t smoked weed.
  • Jack was actually meant to get on Mark’s roof to do that “TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES” in that one RYC of Mark’s, but Mark forgot about it so it never happened.
  • Played Bugsy Malone when he was younger. (just imagine bby jack trying to imitate a new yorker accent…)
  • Likes Simon Stalenhag’s artwork. (i agree, it’s really, really aesthetically pleasing.)
  • Doesn’t draw, but he owns a small drawing tablet from his Drawing Your Tweets series.
  • Despite having a fear of heights, as a child, Jack would climb up trees for HOURS, as in, he would climb up trees and then climb back down and repeat the whole process.
  • Does not like the idea of blood being taken out of his body, it creeps him out.
  • Might be allergic to cats. He says this because every time he touches a cat he starts sneezing a lot.
  • Is the youngest of five.
  • Seems to really like robots, he has said he really likes The Iron Giant or Wall-E, and gets really happy when he plays video games based on robots.
  • Really likes voice acting.
  • Had rlly chubby cheeks as a baby
  • If you look closely you can see that Jack’s mustache has a red tinge unlike his beard. 
  • Use to work out A LOT but stopped not long before he started youtube, little leprachaun had GAINS
  • Wishes he could be good at acting.
  • When Jack dressed up all nice n fancy for the SXSW gaming awards, he mentioned he actually has another suit he would have used, but went with the blue one instead. The other one was grey.
  • Buys a lot of childrens toys because he generally likes them and wants to own them. Usually most of the time he’ll see a toy in a window and be like “I want that.”
  • In 2014, Jack actually had a roommate named Killian, Killian was in a few videos, including this , this , and this. Killian eventually moved out.
  • Jack was given an opportunity to be apart of Youtube Rewind of 2015, but turned it down since he had things to do and didn’t have time to fly out to America.
  • Would like his own dog to have in the apartment.
  • Jack actually doesn’t have much of an Irish accent, it’s actually very, very subtle compared to other Irish accents. Like Ross, for example.
  • Jack is actually able to get his voice incredibly deep considering his natural voice, a lot of professional voice actors aren’t able to achieve that.
  • Wishes he can start working out again so he starts getting healthy again.
  • Jack is actually, believe it or not, not a whale biologist. I’m only putting this here because i fuckING THOUGHT HE WAS FOR A WHOLE YEAR.
  • Takes his coffee black with two sugars.
  • Jack’s actual reason why he doesn’t sleep other than thats it’s only for the weak, is that he really doesn’t see the point, he thinks that the time for sleeping could be used for better things. I also remember him mentioning once that since he’s in the same timezone as felix, some times he would skype felix and just talk to him. Idk whether he still does that. 
  • Has a silver tooth, whether it’s a filling or he was born w/ it, it’s there.
  • Had very dark pink hair around the same time when he started his punk phase, theres no photos of it unfortunately.
  • Jack doesn’t have his drivers license, he regrets not getting it when he had the chance because the rules in Ireland have become a lot more harder.
  • Since Jack doesn’t wear gauges anymore, instead he puts shit like clothes hangers, keychains, hand sanitizer clips, and even MORE stuff in the holes. 
  • Doesn’t have proper functional sweat glands. I always wondered why he didn’t seem so sweaty in vive videos or on panels. Instead he gets a rash.
  • In a video, Ian (Idubbz) asked Jack for some pubes.. and well, Jack did.
  • Was a fan of k-pop once, but that was a while back.
  • Hasn’t gotten sick in years.
  • HATED studying in music theory when he was in college
  • When he used to live in the cabin, by his house, there lived a little shetland pony that was in a video once.
  • Favorite birthday was his 7th, he even knew the presents he got were hand-me downs but recalls it to still be the best time.
  • Sometimes, Jack gets these awkward moments where if he walks through a doorway and it feels odd he’ll have to step through it again for it to be equal, same with when he balls one fist he has to ball the other.
  • Used to cut his own hair.
  • There is a vine of him which he filmed in college.
  • Here is a video of Jack voice-acting a detective saying a ton of puns for one of Robin’s animations
  • Has an awful gag reflex. Once stuck his thumb in his mouth and gagged.
Fault

(Part 2)

Summary: 

“Bucky had never been held responsible for what he’d done, but you, oh god, everything that had happened had been your fault, and Bucky knew it too.”

Word Count: 1677
Warnings: a lot of self-doubt, injury, angst


It’s dark. And cold. And wet.

In the distance you can hear the rush of cars, tires splashing in puddles formed by the rain. They sound so, so far away.

You’re vaguely aware of the blood dripping down the back of your neck, and spilling out your lips and coating your fingers and smeared across your face and– there’s so much blood. You choke back a sob.

You have to get out of here. You have to get out of here and get back to the tower before anyone notices you’re missing because you can’t let anyone see you like this. You’re supposed to be strong like the rest of them, to be able to fight like the rest of them and defend yourself and not get into situations like this and the only thing running through your head right now is the fact that you might even die and everyone’s going look at you like some sort of failure.

(The one person you genuinely cared about already does, anyway.)

You place your hands on the ground under you, trying to push yourself up off the ground, but a sharp, snapping pain runs up your arm, as if the bone’s splitting, and you fall, letting out a gasp of pain as your chest hits the ground. There are tears welling in your eyes, both of frustration and the immense pain your body is in, and you lie with your cheek against the wet pavement in the middle of some back alley.

How are you going to get back and pretend like nothing happened when you can’t even fucking get up? You want to scream, but even your voice is hoarse from begging them to stop as you endured hit after hit.

You think back to a few hours ago, to how Bucky had been avoiding you all day and when you’d finally confronted him about it he’d yelled at you for not being able to do one job you had – to save the two kids in the fucking building on the one mission they’d taken you to. He’d yelled and you’d yelled and maybe he’d let it slip that he thought you were a failure, and then you’d gotten angry and stormed out to a bar to get drunk. But he’d been right. The fact of the matter is that you are a failure, and now you can’t even prove yourself otherwise.

A painful sob wracks your body as your hands reach into your pocket, pulling out your phone. There are missed calls that you barely notice, fingers fumbling and tears blurring your eyes. It takes four attempts to call Steve, your hands wet and sticky because of the blood. As it rings, you can feel your heart constrict in your chest. What are they going to think of you? Weak? Pathetic?

Words flit through your head, as the phone rings. And rings. And rings.

“Hi, you’ve reached Steve Rogers–”

You hang up, then try again.

And again.

And again.

With each time it reaches voicemail, you cry harder. You can’t blame him – it’s four in the fucking morning and the mission was exhausting, so everyone’s probably turned their phone on silent and for the first time in days is getting some proper rest.

You try Nat next, then Sam, then Clint, then even Tony, but nobody picks up.

There’s one last name left on the list of people that’ll probably answer at four a.m. You hesitate, fingers hovering over his name, knowing his reaction if he picks up.

You press call. Your heart pounds against your chest and your blood rushes through your ears and your eyes feel kind of heavy. You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe.

As you gasp for air the phone rings. And rings. And rings. And ri–

“Y/N?”

Hearing his tired voice croak your name is like turning a switch, because suddenly there is air in your lungs and you can breathe again.

Until, “What the fuck do you want?”

Heaving in a gulp of air, you opened your mouth to speak, but before you can even get a word out, he continues.

“It’s four in the fuckin’ mornin’, an’ the few of us who worked hard on the mission are pretty damn tired.”

You feel the intended jab of his words, and shut your mouth, breathing heavily through your nose as the blood flow stems and begins to crust on your face. The tears well up in your eyes again. You know you shouldn’t have called him, that he was still mad at you and he would probably never forgive you for what you had done, because even as the Winter Soldier he’d never have hurt let an innocent child get hurt. But you’d let it happen, right in front of him, with full control over your actions. Bucky had never been held responsible for what he’d done, but you, oh god, everything that had happened had been your fault, and Bucky knew it too.

“Are you going to speak?” He prompts, an edge in his voice laced with annoyance.

There’s shuffling on the other end of the phone, before you hear a faint, feminine voice. “Bucky baby, come back to bed.” You don’t know who it is, and that makes it so much worse because you know he only picks up random girls when he’s stressed out, and the cause of stress is you, you know as much.

You’re trying to speak but you can’t find the words. Your head hurts and the pain is finally starting to catch up, ebbing away at the adrenaline that had been coursing through your body.

“I’m sorry – it's– it’s, I just –” But you don’t know what to say. Something’s clawing at the inside of your throat, like nails raking down your vocal chords and making it hard to speak. The only thing you can do is cry.

“I’m sorry,” you’re screeching, heaving in breaths of air any chance you can get. “Nobody else picked up – I – I didn’t know – I didn’t know who else to call.”

There’s silence on the other end of the phone. Or maybe you can’t hear Bucky speaking. You can’t hear anything over the sound of your sobs, disappearing behind the heavy patter of the rain.

“Y/N? Y/N!” His voice seems so far away, it almost sounds concerned. “Y/N, what happened?”

“He said he knew! He said he knew more about– that he could tell me– I’m sorry. I trusted him. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

“Shit.” There’s shuffling on the other end, then a quieter, “I gotta go, Babe.” Your heart clenches and the only thing that manages to leave your mouth is a string of apologies.

“Where are you?”

“I don’t know– I don’t know!” There’s a level of hysteria in your voice, and he can probably hear it too. He’s saying other stuff in a calmer voice, something about breathing and looking around but you can’t hear him over the sound of the blood rushing through your ears and the constant thought of you being an absolute failure swimming through your head.

“– okay?” You take gulps of air through your mouth, trying to subside the sobs resonating through your chest as you tune back into his voice. “Just breathe, Y/N. Look around and tell me what you see.”

“It’s dark, and there’s- there's–” You look around frantically, trying to find something, trying to see something, but it’s so dark and all you know is that you’re in some back alley and God, your lungs feel like they’re on fire but you can’t figure out how to get air down your throat. “An alley,” you gasp out. “Behind the bar. I’m behind the bar–”

And you break off into sobs again, praying to someone, anyone, that Bucky can understand you through the thickness of your voice and the croaking of your throat.

“Okay. Okay. Y/N? I’ll be there in ten, okay? Just give me ten minutes.”

You manage to scrape an “okay” up your throat without throwing up from the crying and the screaming. Bucky says something about hanging up, and suddenly your voice is making your ears bleed again. “No! No! Please, Bucky, stay on the line. Please.”

And then he’s saying something and you’re not sure what, because you can’t focus on anything anymore. You don’t know how long you sit there, leaning against the cold brick wall, soaking wet with a puddle of red tinged water surrounding you, chilling to the bone. Maybe it’s really ten minutes, maybe it’s a few hours, you can’t tell, but there’s nothing more warming than the sound of Bucky’s voice calling out your name, this time closer to you than through the phone.

“Y/N?” His voice resonates through the small alley, and you’re slightly more awake for a moment as a flashlight shines directly into your eyes, then down the rest of you.

He swears.

A lot.

“Hey, hey, Y/N.” You feel his hands, warm and soft and tender, on your cheek, slapping lightly to grab your attention. Your eyes are unfocused, you can barely make out his face through the tears and the haze grabbing at the edges of your vision.

An arm goes under your knees and your start screaming again, pain and fear coursing through every vein in your body. Someone’s saying something, your name and something else, and it’s calm and reassuring but all you can focus on is how much it hurts. You’re hoisted into the air and this time the scream doesn’t even make it past your lips, catching in your throat as the pain peaks into a numbness spreading to your toes.

“–wake! Y/N, hey, keep your eyes on me, okay?” But your eyes are challenging his voice, daring to shut for longer periods of time with each blink.

There’s a deep, ocean blue staring down at you when you do open your eyes, laced with disappointment and screaming the same word over and over at you.

Failure. Failure. Failure.

Your eyes close.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Ok we're gonna need a LOT more stories about you and your sibling craziness - cmon there's gotta be a whole heap of family tales you can share?!?

One of the things you ought to know about me is that I LOVE talking about my siblings. So yes, I’d be delighted to share some more stories! It’ll probably be one at a time though because most of them need BACKSTORY and/or PERMISSION TO TELL ON THE INTERNET.

The Haunted Easter Bunny

So this was one of the rare times in my life when my step-siblings weren’t around. It was just my mom, my brother T and my sister H ( @believingfate) on Easter. We were probably…nine? Ten? Somewhere around there and my mom had just started teaching fourth grade so she wanted to make sure we kept up our good Family Vibes™ by having dinner together as much as possible.

So we’d just finished eating and my mom was like, “Hey, do you guys want to hear a story? A SPOOKY story?”

And we all knew my mom’s stories, they’re the best, so we were like “HELL YEAH,” but more like “Yes, please” because my mom and dad gave us manners, thanks. (Also, although my parents were divorced, I was pretty convinced that my dad would materialize out of thin air and chastise us for swearing even if we were at my mom’s lol).

So my mom started to tell us about these three kids who lived in a house like ours, went to a school like ours, and who had chocolate Easter bunny candy like ours. She did the voices and shook the furniture to show how the thunder shook the house and everything and we were l i v i n g .  .  .

In fear. We were living in fear as she described how the kids all went to bed and then, in the middle of the night, heard the front door open.

Creeeeeeaaaaaaaaak, my mom squeaked, drawing her fingernails over the wood table.

Tonight, I thought, we die.

Unfortunately, my mom didn’t realize that we were terrified, not just excited. She said, “They hear something heavy come up the stairs. Thump…thump…THUMP!” She shouted, flashing her hands at us. “Very faintly they can hear a ghostly voice. Where…is….my….head?” She pointed accusingly to the headless chocolate Easter bunny lying on the table and suddenly we knew.

I was glued to my seat, eyes wide, my sister H was staring at her plate like she’d be able to not hear the story if she stared hard enough, and my brother T was standing next to his chair rather than sitting in it. Because we’d just eaten the head of a chocolate Easter Bunny and this story was about three kids and holy shit there are three of us.

This isn’t a story, it’s a frickin’ prophecy, I thought.

“’It’s the Easter Bunny!’ the kids cry to each other,” my mom said, “’We ate his head and he wants it back!’ They hear the dreaded bunny hop up the last of the stairs and make its way to their room. Where….is….my…HEAD.” My mom reached behind her and rattled the cabinet. “He tried to open the door. They could hear him trying to turn the knob with his paws. Where is….my…HEAD.”

I wiped my eyes frantically because I was tough and not scared at all.

It was at this point my mom realized that we were terrified, probably because at least one of us (me) was starting to cry from fear. So she tried to stop being horrifying and lighten the story up because we were nine and her sound effects were really scary.

My mom quickly finished, “And he burst into the room, asking where his head was. ‘We ate it!’ the children cried. The ghost Easter bunny said, ‘Oh, okay!’ And disappeared, content that his chocolate head was where it was supposed to be!”

“Haha,” I said weakly and T and H followed suit. My mom was feeling pretty good about saving the story and making it funny, so she let us eat some more chocolate before doing the dishes. She went upstairs to get ready for bed, leaving us to it.

So we did the dishes and we wanted to watch a movie to forget the Horrors™. Mom still wasn’t back downstairs, so I was nominated to go upstairs to get her. The reason why I was nominated was because my mom was a frickin’ bat and never turned on the lights in the house because she could see in the dark. So, as the least afraid of the dark (or rather the least willing to show it), I was sent up the stairs.

I looked into her dark room and didn’t see her. I could kind of make out something white in the middle of the room though and thought it could be her pajamas. “Mom?”

Silence.

I stepped into the room. “Mom?”

From the depths of darkness came a sound. “OoooOOOOooOOOOoOOOH!”

“NO!” I shouted reflexively. The white thing wasn’t my mom–it was a ghost!

IT’S THE HAUNTED EASTER BUNNY, I thought and panicked. I screamed. T and H were halfway up the stairs to see what was taking so long and they screamed

Then we were ALL screaming and running around the landing. T tried to shove himself into the laundry hamper, H ran halfway down the stairs and then back up again. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, gibbering.

“OOOooOooOOOOOOooooOOOOH!”

My siblings started pounding on the bathroom door. “Let us in! Let us in!”

I held onto the doorknob for dear life. If I open the door, the headless bunny will get me too, I thought. Goodbye, T and H.

In that instant, I was ready to let my siblings die, I swear.

No, I thought, no. I need to save them. Dad will ask questions if they die here. I have to open the door.

I let them in, still screaming, and we slammed the door shut, locking it and sobbing. H jumped into the bathtub and T slammed his back against the door and I stood on the toilet so that I’d have the height advantage when the giant bunny broke in.

From insider her dark ass room, my mom began to laugh.

“It’s just me,” she said. We could hear her walk onto the landing. “Kids? You’re laughing, right?”

We were not laughing. My mom felt terrible.

shit that happened at hamilton according to angie

act one

• dUN DA DA DA DUN DUN DUN EEEAAAUUUOUUU
• everyone clapped for SO LONG when anthony enters like damn
• brandon SLAYED as burr tonight
• anthony had SO MUCH ENERGY like SHIT SON this boy was TURNT
• i didn’t know just how uninterested burr is during my shot he liTERALLY READS A BOOK IN THE CORNER BAHAHAHAHAHAH
• brrRRRRAAHH brrRRRRAAHH
• thayne has a booty???
• my shot choreography is LIT AF
• there’s a cool transition between my shot and story of tonight and i really appreciate it
• oNE LAST ROUND GENTS
• okay WOW i understand why everyone ships lams so much now
• john and alex totally fucked that night and no one can convince me otherwise like even later during farmer refuted john be walkin funny boi got laaaaaaid
• wERK
• at first when peggy enters she looks excited then she realize where she is and imMEDIATELY LOOKS SO DONE BAHAHAHAHAHAH
• eliza is literally just dragging peggy behind her the whole time wtf
• eVeRyOnE??? is here during this song i did NOT expect that
• hEED NOT THE R-
• LITERALLY poor sam tho he came out to have a good time and got so attacked rn
• the rest of the hamilsquad has to distract burr so he can’t stop alex and i LOVE THAT DETAIL
• aMERICA, ITS NOT ME ITS YOU
• the choreography for you’ll be back is not what i expected AT ALL and it’s EVEN BETTER
• the liGHTING HERE DAMN
• rip ensemble member
• hErE cOmEs ThE gEnErAl
• the liGHTING HERE DAMN (reprise)
• no wonder washington is so petty BURR JUST SHOWED UP UNANNOUNCED IN HIS TENT AND ASKED FOR A JOB
• “close the door on ur way out” OHHHHHHHH
• alternatively: “close the door on ur way out” “we’re in a tent sir”
• that end choreography looks hard damn
• LADIEEEEEEEEEEES
• cARLEIGH HEY
• hEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY
• the lanterns are cool
• ANTHONY DABBED DURING HELPLESS
• MY HEART
• flower girl hercules mulligan is my spirit animal
• what if #2830404827: what if hamilton was a harem anime
• hAH
• salty unrequited romance song (feat. sisterly bonds and shit)
• wOAH THE REWIND CHOREOGRAPHY IS JUST HOLY S H I T
• tHIS IS FUCKING AMAZING THO LIKE THE ANGELICA POV DAMN
• bUT NOW SHELL NEVER BE SATISFIED
• tHERES HOPE FOR OUR ASS AFTER ALL
• the “you are the worst burr” line is even funnier live bAHAHAHAHAHAH
• why do i feel like theodosia isn’t real like that story is pretty fishy to me i mean a pretty girl?? married to a British officer?? who we never see ever?? *puts on skepticals*
• wAIT FOR IT (that cheeseburger i ordered an hour ago, where the fuck is it??)
• wait for it is such a small number live AS IT SHOULD BE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE
• PREACHA PREACHA PREACHA
• TEACH YA TEACH YA TEACH YA
• gENIUS
• rESPECT
• everyone hates that guy vol. 1
• cHICKAPLAO
• CHARLES LEE ™
• yES KICK HIS ASS JOHN
• counting to ten with increasing energy and homoeroticism ™
• the sexual tension between john and charles in this is fucking INSANE
• WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS
• THIS IS LIKE HAMILTON’S VERSION OF “I DONT DANCE” FROM FUCKING HSM2
• of course john shoots him he’s fucking amazing
• LEE FLAT OUT YELPS WHEN HE GETS SHOT AND JUST FLOPS ON THE FLOOR AHAHAHAHAH
• eVERYBODY DO THE FLOP
• daddy issues vol.1
• sOn
• dOnT cAlL mE sOn
• eliza sings about support and that’s about it
• bUNS and cHIPS and sEVERAL TYPES OF DIPS
• agsgdhshagsfadagshdgLAFAYETTE
• jk I can rap the whole thing
• bish u thot
• sICK JUMPS
• GET YER RIGHT HAND MAN BACK
• wait at least think about the letter you sending first tho
• i think you misspelled “right” dude
• daddy issues resolved song
• history has its eyeeeeeees ooooon-wait we have to fight a war fuck
• lets go win ourselves a war bitches
• monsieur hamilton MONSIEUR L A F A Y E T T E
• heh
• the CHOREOGRAPHY
• everyone claps at the end of the dance sequence AS THEY SHOULD
• that’s a big ass flag u sure that’s a handkerchief lafayette?
• dId YoU mIsS mE vol.1
• when he says “im so blue” he stamps his foot and the spotlight he’s in changes from red to blue bAHAHAHAHAH
• WELL GUESS WHAT?? YOU CANT GOVERN FOR SHIT AHAHAHAHHA
• “bye felicia” - king george III
• dear theodoge what 2 say 2 u
• the CHAIRS IN FRONT OF THEM MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THEYRE STANDING OVER CRIBS
• uH OH
• JOHN
• JOHN NO
• J O H N
• having to watch the rest of the hamilsquad reading the letter in the back does NOT MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER
• [through tears from last song] a-a…after the war i went back to n-new york
• NNNNNONSTOP
• this whole songs choreography is just WOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWWOOW
• eVERYONE IS HERE WOAH


~intermission~

• rUN TO THE BATHROOMS
• pICK UP THE HAMILTINI
• bUY A TSHIRT
• rUN BACK


act two

• [JAZZ HANDS]
• oh damn the slaves are here
• S A L L Y H E M I N G S I S H E R E
• thomas we are engaged.

• what
• seth is having WAYYYYYYY too much fun
• gonna just prance around here
• ITS THE RAP BATTLE
• THEY HAVE MICROPHONES
• JEFF DROPS THE MIC AND MADISON CATCHES IT BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
• cabinet audience is unamused
• [PRANCES WILDLY] WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOU DO IN MONTICELLO
• i love that tjeffs is totally chill until alex insults mads and he immediately just is like NO ONE INSULTS MY BOYFRIEND
• exCUSE ME?!?????
• “that’s an order from your comman-i mean president”
• UN DEUX TROIS
• PHILIP MY BABY
• CAN YOU NOT DIE JUST THIS ONE SHOW
• PLS
• ANTHONY WENT BALLISTIC WHEN HE SAID CINQ LIKE HE SUDDENLY WAS LIKE “un deux trois catre CIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINQ”
• oh please angelica your comma flirting is nothing compared to the shit alex and john exchanged
• my love interests are either upstate or dead therefore i shall have an affair and immediately regret it
• NOOOOOOO SIRRRR
• i like the lampposts they look nice
• I NEED TO BE AT THAT DINNER PARTY
• alex still looks shook from his affair at the beginning of room where it happens lmao
• PREVIOUSLY CLOSED, BROS
• OSHIT THAT TABLECLOTH JUST
• WOA
• burr does some shit vol.1
• “daddys gonna find out any minute” [velociraptor screeching in background] “…..im sure he already knows”
• BURR BYE 👋
• ….france
• DADDYS CALLING
• salt squad unite
• I LOVE THAT BURR JUST POPS UP OUT OF NOWHERE AND JEFF LOOKS SO SHOOK WHEN HE STARTS RANDOMLY SINGING
• wHICH I WROTE
• i dIDNT KNOW HE WASNT ONSTAGE UNTIL THAT LINE
• bAHAHAHAHHAHA
• daddy issues vol.2
• im sorry but fucking what
• shut up and have a drink
• ALEX TAKES MULTIPLE SHOTS BEFORE WRITING THE ADDRESS AAHAHHAHAAHHA SAMEEEEEEEEE
• THAYNE IS WEARING A FANCY HAT
• [WEEPS] GEORGE WASHINGTONS GOING HOME
• dId YoU mIsS mE vol.2
• JOHN ADAMS FFFFFFFFFFF
• GEORGE STAYS ON AND MIMICS BURR AHAHHAHAHAH
• SIT DOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER
• AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
• they all enter one by one and you can just see alex get more and more stressed out with each one that comes in
• IM GONNA JUST REVEAL MY AFFAIR FOR NO GOOD REASON TO MY ENEMIES WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG
• OH NO THAT WASNT A GOOD IDEA I NEED TO TELL THE WORLD FIRST
• OH NO THAT WASNT A GOOD IDEA EITHER FUCK
• oF COURSE SHES NOT HERE FOR YOU NUMBNUTS
• [is lowkey salty about congratulations not existing]
• the song sounds so serious on the album but the choreography makes it SO FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHAH
• GEORGE IS HERE
• HOLY SHIT THERES ACTUAL FIRE IN BURN
• SHIT SON
• oh no • OH NO • O H N O
• [CRIES FOREVER]
• [CRIES SOME MORE]
• [DIES]
wait there’s an election fuck
• vOTE BURR BITCHES
• hE DIDNT VOTE BURR BITCHES
• OH NO
• O H N O
• THIS IS WHY YOU DONT THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT

psa/callout on tumblr users 116 and tentacleds

EDIT: someone using thiscrush’s name and url was in the chat and we no longer believe its them that was sending the threats. 

SO @tentacleds and @116 think saying this is funny at one point they start referring to my pedo ex selling my nudes cuz they pretended they have em. ALSO they talk about falsely accusing a friend of manipulation to get out of this

@116 special shoutout to u worthless inbred freak stop threatening to rape minors if you dont want called out anymore


(huge tw for p much everything under the cut + receipts that its them):

Keep reading

6

That’s definitely not the first thing that should have come to mind, Kuroo

(tho it looks like no one really minds

aside from bokuto that is)

Snowbound

A/N: This is a repost of an old story that I deleted from my other blog. But it’s wintery so therefore kinda Christmasy? I do intend to write a Christmas one shot at some point.

Oh and it’s smutty…

“Y/N, we should go. The snow’s starting to get heavier.”

“But I’m having so much fun!” You whirled to a stop on your ice skates, in front of your best friend and colleague Spencer Reid.

You’d been driving home from lecturing at a college a few hours away when you’d spotted a deserted frozen lake that just called out to you. It looked beautiful, it had snowed over the last few days and it looked like a winter wonderland Christmas card. In your youth you’d been a budding figure skater until a shattered ankle had put paid to your dreams of pursuing it professionally. You still kept a pair of skates in the trunk of your car in the winter and you’d driven off the main road and found the entrance to the lake, begging Spencer to allow you to skate for a while.

He’d agreed and had found a log to rest on for a while, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watched you with a smile on his face.

You must have been out there for an hour before he called you back, snow starting to fall again quickly and the sun setting in the sky.

“I know you’re having fun, and I’m enjoying watching you. But I’m cold, and it’s getting dark. And we’re still at least two hours away from home. Plus… The snow is coming down pretty quick now.”

It was. You couldn’t skate very fast without feeling the force of the snowflakes against your face. He was right. And he’d been a really good sport about sitting in the cold. You carefully walked over to where he was waiting with your boots and plopped down next to him on the log, swapping your skates for more suitable footwear.

“One day, I will have you out on skates Spencer.”

“Sure you will. Probably on the same day you manage to beat me at chess.” He smiled at his joke and you nudged him playfully.

You trudged through the snow back to the car, your heads down against the falling snow. Now that you’d stopped moving on the ice, you were quickly cooling down.

Spencer dug in his pocket for your keys and pressed the button to release the central locking. Instead of the lights flashing and a bleeping you got nothing.

He pressed the button again.

Nothing.

Okay.

Approaching the drivers side door, you took the keys off him and unlocked the door manually, leaning over and opening his door. You both shut yourselves in away from the cold as you inserted the key into the ignition, turning it to start the engine.

Nothing happened. You and Spencer looked at each other as you tried again, pumping your foot on the gas pedal and jiggling the wheel in case you’d accidentally engaged the steering lock. Still nothing.

“Fuck.” You muttered trying again.

“Y/N. It’s no use. I’m pretty certain the batteries dead.” He pointed to the cigarette lighter which had his phone charger plugged in, his phone still attached. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d disconnected it.”

“SHIT”

“Pop the hood.” Spencer told you and you shot him a look.

“Do you know anything about cars Spencer?”

“I know a lot about a lot of things… Just do it. You might be surprised.”

Sighing, you did as he instructed, grimacing as he opened the door again and moved around to the bonnet. He stood there for a few minutes, bent over and you opened your door calling out to him.

“Anything?”

He dropped the bonnet securing it again, and got back in. “Yeah…. No.”

“So that was a pointless exercise and only ended up letting more cold air in.” You spat out.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me. We all make mistakes and I apologised. You’re the one that wanted to stop remember?”

You guessed he was right. It was both of your faults.

He pulled out his cell and dialed a number from memory, mouthing ‘Triple A’ at you.

You only heard one side of the conversation but it wasn’t sounding good. When he ended the call he shook his head.

“There’s been a huge pile up twenty miles down the road. Caused by the snow. What we’re getting here is just start of it. Apparently there’s a huge storm setting in. There’s no responding vehicle available for at least four hours.”

“You are shitting me.”

“Afraid not.”

“What about Derek? Could he come out?”

As soon as he started talking again, you realised what a stupid question that had been. “We’re still two hours away from home anyway. If there’s been a pile up he’s not gonna be able to get through either unless he goes the long way around. And if the snow is that bad….”

“I get it, I get it. We’re stuck.”

“Yep. They said to leave my cell on and they’ll call as soon as a vehicle is on its way.”

Right. You both switched your phones into ultra power saving, turning off all apps after quickly sending the team a message informing you of the situation in case you were needed. You and Spencer weren’t going anywhere for a while.

Climbing between the seats into the back, you leant over into the trunk and pulled out the emergency sleeping bag you kept in there. It was a bit musty, but nothing too bad. You always kept some emergency things in the trunk after you’d had to spend a full night at the side of a road when you were nineteen. Hopefully this wouldn’t be that long. You unzipped it and spread it out over you and Spencer looked back at it longingly.

“Fine… We can share. Come back here then.”

He struggled to fit between the gap in this seats, cracking his head on the roof of the car and causing you to giggle.

“Not funny, Y/N. Now share the warmth. Do you have anything else back there that could help us out?”

He wriggled next to you and you fit the sleeping bag around you both.

“I’ve got a couple of bottles of water and some protein bars. And some chips.”

“Well at least we won’t starve.”

Ninety minutes passed and you were starting to feel extremely cold. You and Spencer had sipped a bottle of water between you and shared a protein bar. Both of you had eaten a fairly large meal before you’d left for the journey home so you weren’t too worried about going hungry, you were just cold.

You and Spencer had talked for a bit but now you had your head resting on his shoulder, your arms linked together for warmth. You’d both zipped your coats up as high as they’d go and burrowed your head down into your scarves.

You fidgeted, your hands were freezing. You’d left your gloves at home and typically Spencer had misplaced his too.

“You okay?” Reid asked, his breath showing in the air.

“My hands… ”

“Here.” He took them into his and rubbed them, the friction helping a little.

“Spencer, I’m starting to worry. I’m really, really cold.” You told him and he looked down and away for a second.

“I’m not worried as such… But I’m freezing too. Erm… There is one thing… Actually. No. Forget it.”

“Tell me.. If it’ll keep me warm, I’d literally do anything right now.”

He looked unsure and you nudged him. “Spencer. Seriously. I need to get warm.”

“Okay.” He looked around the car and then back at you. “This will probably work better if you sit on my lap. It’s either that, or we collapse the seats.”

“Theres too much crap in the trunk to do that.” You started to shift your weight, getting ready to climb onto him, not even questioning him until he started to unzip his coat, removing it along with his sweater and scarf. As he started to unbutton his shirt you realised why he’d hesitated before telling you.

Body heat.

But it worked better when it was skin on skin.

Fuck it.

Lowering the sleeping bag, you followed suit; removing your coat and outer layers, stopping when you got to your bra. That was staying on.

“Trousers too?” You asked and he nodded, already slipping his off. Again you copied him and when you were both down to your underwear you climbed onto his lap, feeling slightly self conscious.

He shrugged his thick coat back over his shoulders, not putting his arms through the sleeves and you pulled the sleeping bag back around you.

“So…. I guess we snuggle right?”

He nodded, giving you an apologetic look.

Okay. Whatever.

You leant in, pressing your chest against his and resting your head back on his shoulder. Spencers hands went around your back, rubbing up and down your bare skin as you cocooned you both in the thick material.

As uncomfortable as you felt sitting on your colleagues lap, this was tons warmer. You wriggled, shuffling your knees closer to the back of the seat and pressing as close as you could.

“Don’t wriggle. Please.” Spencer sounded choked and his hands gripped your waist.

“Sorry. Just trying to get warmer.”

“I know. But….just don’t.”

“Shit, am I hurting you?” You asked.

“It’s.. not that.”

“Then what?”

He coughed, clearing his throat. “I don’t want to make this awkward because I’m finally starting to feel warm but…. Well. You’re a very attractive female. And you’re on my lap wearing very little.”

Oh.

OH!

Wait.

“You think I’m attractive?”

“I’m not blind, Y/N.”

Huh.

You wriggled again, his fingers digging into your hips this time.

“Stop it.” He hissed at you.

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Y/N. I’m not in the mood to be made a fool out of.”

“What? Spencer, I’m not trying to make a fool out of you. I just find it amusing that you’ve just admitted to finding me attractive and I sure as hell think you’re hot. And like you say, I AM sat in your lap, semi naked.”

You pulled away from his shoulder so you could look at him, grinning at the confused and shocked look on his face.

“W-w-what?”

“You heard. Don’t act so shocked either.”

When you shifted this time, he didn’t grasp you so hard, his hands still on your hips but no longer in a vice like grip.

“You think…. Me? Really?”

“I’m not blind, Spencer.” You echoed his own words.

Thinking quickly you asked him. “Triple A said four hours right?”

He nodded.

“And that they’d call when they were on their way?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I can think of another way to get warm… A lot warmer than this. And a hell of a lot funner than this too. If you’re game?”

He gulped before licking his lips.

“I’m game.” He whispered.

“Excellent.”

Lowering your head to his neck, you started to place gentle kisses up and down, nibbling softly on his ear lobe and rolling your hips lightly. He stopped trying to still your movements and instead started trailing up and down your sides, tickling your skin.

Slowly dragging your lips across his jawbone, his light stubble chafing your lips, you stopped just shy of his mouth.

“Sure you’re game?” You asked once more.

He nodded in response, his lips parting as you placed yours against his.

Oh god..

Your kisses started slow and then quickly built into passionate urgings, your mouths moving against other in a way that you’d never thought you’d be doing with Reid. Sure, you thought Spencer was attractive, and you got on extremely well with him. You’d even go as far to say that you harboured a small crush for him.

You just never thought you’d act on it.

You rolled your hips again hearing him groan, a deliciously low sound that you wanted to hear again and again. Sliding back and forth gently you ground your pelvis against his lap, feeling him hard beneath you, another groan escaping his throat as you kissed.

You repositioned yourself slightly so that you were on the receiving end of the friction you were creating as you rocked your hips to and fro. A gasp caught on your lips and you felt him grin against you mouth.

Feeling bolder, he slid his hands around to your front, palming your breasts through your bra.

It was good job you were in a relatively secluded area, the windows of the car were now completed misted over.

Spencer tugged on your bra straps, sliding them down your arms and reaching behind your back for the clasp. You allowed him to remove it, making sure the sleeping bag was positioned so that if anyone did suddenly appear, you wouldn’t get shopped for publicly indecency.

Reid broke the kiss and pulled back to look at you, his eyes raking over your chest. He breathed in deeply, his eyes darkening.

“Like what you see?” You asked cockily, trying to break some of the tension.

“What’s not to like?” Spencer leant forward and pressed his warm lips to your breastbone, his hands moving over your thighs, sliding higher as you continued to grind gently against him.

“Stop moving for a second.. ” His whispered, his breath tickling your skin as he kissed his way across your chest to your nipple, lightly circling it with his tongue before sucking it into his mouth, flicking your hard bud.

“Oh fuck” You whimpered. You could no longer feel the cold, only the warmth coursing through your body. Spencer sucked harder, his tongue teasing you and sending shivers down your spine straight to your groin. His fingers moved higher up your thighs, stroking against the fabric of your underwear which you were sure had to be wet now.

“Spence… Fuck.”

His thumb grazed over your clit, making you shudder lightly. Realising he was in the right place, he started to rub over the fabric, glancing up at you as he did, biting down softly on your breast.

You started to pant lowly, biting on your bottom lip as Spencer massaged your clit through your panties.

“Oh god….oh sweet fuck… ” You gasped, starting to grind on him again. He moaned loudly biting down harder and you cried out.

“Shit. Too hard?” He pulled away.

“No… But… ” You lifted yourself off him slightly and reached for his boxers. He got the message and raised his hips and slid them down.

Resting back down, you reached between your bodies and pulled your panties to one side, using your hands to position him against your lips.

“Do we….. ?” He asked.

“Pill.” You breathed out, allowing him to slide in slowly, wincing slightly at the new sensation.

“Fuck.” Spencer groaned out.

“Yep.” You agreed and started rocking against him, his hand slipping back between you to resume it’s ministrations on your clit.

Resting your forehead to his, you moved. Rolling your hips against his and clenching around him as jolts of pleasure shot through you. He bucked underneath you, pushing himself deeper inside as you both soon fell into a perfect rhythm with each other.

Spencers fingers kept up their motions on your clit and you slowly felt your orgasm start to build, your legs trembling when it started to overtake you. You started to grind harder and faster on him, his own moans coming faster now. You came a few minutes later, crying out his name as you did. You shuddered on top of him, your thighs clenching as you continued to move up and down, Spencers hands now moving to your hips to help with your pace.

“Oh fuck… I’m gonna… ”

He didn’t need to finish, you felt him releasing himself inside of you in short bursts. You slowed your movements, bringing them to a halt.

“Well…” You breathed out. “I don’t know about you, but I’m a hell of a lot warmer.”

“Same… Almost too warm, not that I’m going to complain.”

Just then, his phone started to sing and you scrambled for it, feeling a warm sticky fluid running down your thighs as he slipped out.

“Sorry….” He said hurriedly, grabbing for his cell and answering it.

It was Triple A. They had a vehicle ready and he was on his way. He’d be about fifteen minutes, they told Spencer.

You hurriedly pulled your clothes back on and wiped down the interior windows so you watch for their arrival.

“Y/N?” Spencer asked, nerves in his voice.

“Hmmmm?”

“Was that…. Was that like a one time thing?”

You glanced back to see him looking away quickly.

“It’s an as many time as you want it to be thing, Spencer. ”

“Okay, good.”

“But Reid? Next time… You really don’t need to break my car. Just ask!”

“I didn’t… I… I… Y/N, I swear…”

You laughed at him, seeing headlights approaching in the distance.

“I know Spencer… I know. ”

anonymous asked:

instead of andreil how abt some angsty andriel hcs?

Happy 900. Here is the angst, as promised.


It happened, sometimes, on bad days that got worse.

He’d wake up in the morning and feel it like an itch under his skin, like bugs crawling and biting and burrowing so deep that he’d never rid himself of the phantom sensations of them. No matter how hot the water he ran in the shower, how brutally he scrubbed and clawed at his skin.

He felt dirty.

He felt like a lie.

When he first saw his reflection, it would come as a shock. Everything within him would ground to a halt, and there would only be the brutal realisation of who he was, of what had been done to him, of what he had done. He would stand and stare at that reflection for hours, until shapes and lines blurred, and the icy blue of his eyes turned into an empty pit into which he fell and fell and fell.

It was his father’s face.

When Neil smiled, the Butcher smiled back at him.

Andrew would drag him away, put cubes of ice into his hands and squeeze them around it until they burned. He would talk to Neil, random and pointless things, until Neil looked at him and he could see recognition in those empty eyes, instead of that hollow, blank stare.

His hand on the back of Neil’s neck, clutching Neil’s around ice, his voice filling his ears, the smell of him near and constant, it was comforting. It grounded him, enough for thought to penetrate the incessant chorus of liar liar liar cycling ceaselessly through his mind.

“He was my father,” Neil would whisper. “He made me.”

“He isn’t,” Andrew would say, ferocious, insistent. “He didn’t. He was a killer, and you ran away. You are a fox. You are Neil Josten.”

“Then why don’t I feel that way?”

Andrew would grab his face and force him to meet his eyes, would press his thumbs to the scars on Neil’s cheeks and step in close.

“Because you are having a bad day. That doesn’t change anything. You are still the man I gave those keys to, you are still the man who made this team into something worth a damn. You are still the man I told to stay.”

Coming from Andrew, the truth of those words was a lifeline. Neil would cling to it desperately, as he clung to Andrew desperately, and the blond would allow him this comfort. With Neil’s hands fisted into his shirt, his face pressed into the crook of his neck, Andrew would wrap an arm around his shoulder, another in his hair, and Neil would feel grounded and steady. He would feel safe.

The lingering touch of his father would fall away, irrelevant. The smell of burning rubber and metal, the sting of knives and the stench of sticky blood coating his skin would diminish.

Sometimes, it was enough.

Sometimes, it wasn’t.

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anonymous asked:

Okay but Shiro getting up one morning after a series of nightmares, and he's kind of out of it/not really there over breakfast, and Hunk goes to take away his (semi-full) plate and his eyes snap open and he grabs Hunk's wrist just a little too tight and he /snarls./ And there's that split second where he and the paladins realize what just happened. Like every time they uncover another facet of his PTSD, they know more about what he went through with the Galra.

It had been a bad night.

A very bad night.

Shiro was exhausted.  He tried his best to bite it back, focusing on keeping his back straight and his shoulders up.

But his eyelids were heavy. 

Blink.

The chaos of breakfast, familiar and warm.  Hunk teasing Keith, pulling a reluctant smile from him.  Lance and Pidge trading playful elbows (Pidge’s less playful) as they fought for the last not-quite-pancake.  Allura and Coran plotting out the day’s work, the mice chattering as Allura hand fed them morsels.

Blink.

The noise of the prisoners, brought out together and kept locked up, waiting for the arena battles.  Alien chatter, understood in practice but the echos of the chamber making them eerie and strange and unknown again.  The harsh whispers, drawing away from him, from the danger he represented.  Chitters of fears, low, nervous bluster.

No one wanted to be locked in a room with The Champion.  They wanted to face him even less.

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