there's no one to stop me from doing shit like this

WHY YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOUR SIGN
  • Aries: You play all the time, and you play to win. You are a cheerful and a happy person but god help the ones who do you wrong or the ones you love. You know how to party and you know how to have fun. You always give great compliments. You have a great body and great physical looks. Your smile is sexy and your laughter is even sexier. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Taurus: You have an impeccable taste for literally everything, you are the biggest hedonist out there and you simply know how to live. And you love life itself which comes in many forms. You have a cheerful spirit, intriguing mentality and even a greater heart. You are capable of putting up with so much shit and staying sane, haters can just stay jealous. You have the power to crack the earth in two when you witness negativity and you will. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Gemini: Your intelligence, style and communication skills know no borders. You are always the funny one, and even while some people might think that you're a drama queen or a double-faced attention whore, you just know that it isn't true. And you don't fight them but you let them learn it themselves that you're not a double-faced backstabber who hurts people for fun. You just love supporting people and making their lives better. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Cancer: You are literally one of the sweetest experiences one could ever have. You can teach people a lot, and you can stay strong through a lot of shit in your life. You are pure, innocent, loving and caring. You give the best hugs out there and you know how to satisfy people. You are full of positivity and you always put people's needs before yours. You can stand up and keep an insanely happy face even you're being torn apart inside. You are strong and you are one of the most sensitive people out there, which makes you really strong. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.|
  • Leo: You have this cheerful spirit and you radiate with alluring energy. People might accuse you of wanting to be the center of attention but you deserve to be the center of attention because you are special and you know what you're capable of. You just want to assure people that you're a person who's capable of many things and you can lead yourself and people to greatness. You are a natural born supporter and you simply know how to make people's lives better. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Virgo: You are really a person who's great in many spheres of life. You're deep. People might accuse you of being overcritical and a perfectionist, but don't let them bring you down. Yes, you are critical and you are a perfectionist but that's because you just want everything to be alright. You suffer from tons of anxiety when you want to achieve something but believe me, it will pay off. Just stay strong and don't listen to people who say that you're very silent and unsuccessful because you have the potential to surpass them all. You are a great thinker, a very intelligent person and you are one of the biggest go-getters out there. Stay strong and you will succeed in whatever it is you want. You know how to fix people's problems and you are born to help. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Libra: You are a person who radiates with positive energy. You are a beacon of happiness and you are one of the most creative people out there. You know how to care for people and you know how to love. God damn it, you have impeccable style and you know how to dress. You are appealing and both your physical and mental beauty are dominant when you enter a room of new people. You are a big, big person with even a bigger heart than your body and you know how to give people an advice. Those pieces of advice you give, often fix people's problems. You are beautiful. You are admirable. You are capable of many things and you know how to get shit done. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Scorpio: You are a person who's capable of many things. People usually think that you're too intense, childish, evil and vengeful but you're not. You just know how to have fun and you love making people's lives better. You are a master of telling jokes. Your eyes can penetrate deep inside a person's soul and see the sadness inside that person. And you will help that person. You help people on a daily basis, even if they don't see it. Most of the time you are very sad and you suffer inside because you think that people don't see what you've done for them, and that is okay. But believe me, they do see what you've done for them. And if anyone wrongs you or a person you love, you can avenge yourself or that person you love. Many people think that you're cruel and unforgiving but that's not true. Don't listen to the stereotypes for Scorpios and focus on being a good person. You forgive endlessly, you just don't like showing your emotions because people might manipulate you or use them against you, so you might do some things (which you will later regret) just because you don't want to seem weak. But that's how you protect yourself. Don't worry about others' opinions, you're a great person, filled with positivity. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Sagittarius: You are a person who cares about everyone. You are not bitchy and nervous, it's just that you are sick of people doing mistakes which they will later regret. You are a born teacher and you are born to lead people into a new, better world. People need to start listening to your pieces of advice because the pieces of advice you give are priceless. You are not extreme and you are not impulsive because you want to be, you do it because you want to prove others that you're a good person and a person who honestly and sincerely cares about everything. You often suffer from anxiety and insomnia, but it's because you are a very intelligent person and your mind works a lot faster than other people's. You come off as a person whom everyone thinks that hates emotions and doesn't know how to feel, but, believe me, you know how to feel. You just can't stand it when people don't live just and you are born to fix the mistakes of yours and of other people's. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Capricorn: You are a deeply caring person but you don't show it as most people do. Others will think that you're unfeeling and cold-blooded because of the way you show your emotions and because of your silent nature, but you are not emotionless. You are a person who cares a lot about your and other people's future. You are not materialistic and money-oriented, you are a person who is concerned with your and other people's well-being, so you work your ass off because you know where you might end up one day. Don't let people pick with you or underestimate you because you are a very sensitive and emotional person who knows how to support people and lead them to happiness. You will be made fun of, you will be insulted, you will be hated and you will be fought but you should know that you shouldn't give up of spreading positivity and working hard to achieve your goals. Don't let negative people stop you and bring you down. Learn that you are a person who knows how to function. You are not dull, as most people think. But let them think because you needn't carry about negative people's irrelevant opinions because you know who you are, and you are not dull. You are a very interesting, funny and creative person. You are a great friend, parent, partner and a lover. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Aquarius: You are an open-minded person and your intelligence is really great. You are a very understanding person and you know how to have fun. You lead people into great adventures which might seem risky, but you do it for the sake of fun. Best memories always come from great experiences, and you know how to make people experience things. You are not limited and detached as most people think, you are a person who just thinks rationally for your and the lives for the people around you. You are not argumentative as everyone thinks, you are debatable. There's a difference. You love learning and debating, you just seem argumentative because you're passionate for debates and learning new things. You are not a weirdo or a freak, you're an eccentric person. There's a difference. You are a great friend. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Pisces: You are one of the most insightful people out there and you simply know everything, because you feel everything. you have the gift of unlimited and uncontrollable emotions, which might sometimes take advantage of you but I assure you that you have the ability to control your emotions. You are one of the most intelligent people out there. You are very beautiful, both physically and mentally. You are a natural born philosopher and you're the deepest person there is. You are not weak just because you are hurt or triggered easily, you are strong and powerful beyond limits because you experience everything both with your heart, soul and mind. You absorb people's feelings and you absorb information like a sponge. You are capable of many things. No matter your easygoing, sweet, cheerful or introverted nature, you are one of the best fighters out there and you always win no matter what, because you stubbornly go to extremes and you have the ability to go to the end of the universe and back, if it's required of you to get what you want. You fight till the very end and you know how to sit on the throne. Despite most people's (stupid) opinion, you are not a wallflower. You are a natural born leader who just seems dreamy and lost most of the time but that's because you're very intelligent and you think like no-one else does. When the topic of a conversation is brought, I bet you've already been overthinking about it. You can put up with so much shit and you can go through everything, you can run through hell and fly through heaven in order to achieve your goals. You are not weak, you're just a person with the most intense emotions out there. Learn to control things and you will be unstoppable. When someone hurts you or someone you love, you will turn into a giant shark and every unjust person will feel the ocean's wrath. You are not weak because you're a forgiving person, you are just one level above all those haters and you actually understand why people made those mistakes, and that's why you forgive - when you forgive. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
Some of the most iconic quotes from Ragnarok

You’re lucky i have really good memory.

-”Now you might be wondering, why i, Thor the god of thunder ended up here” 

-”Hold on, let me just circle back around- i thought we were really connecting just then” 

-”BEHOLD- my stuff”

-”I named this one Des and this one Troy. Together they are destroy” 

-*upon seeing Loki’s statue* “what the-” 

-”Hello Father.” “Oh shit”

-”I present Thor, prince of-” “No no no, you had one job.” 

-”I swear i left him right here” “Right here on the sidewalk or in that nursing home that’s being demolished?

-”I don’t know, i’m not a witch” “No? Why do you dress like one then?” 

-”I can’t believe you’re alive, i saw you die, i mourned for you!” “Im honored?” 

-”I HAVE BEEN FALLING FOR THIRTY MINUTES” 

-”you think you’re some kind of sorcerer? Don’t you think for a second you second rate-” 

-”Kneel” “I beg your pardon?” 

-”she’s the, It starts with a b” “trash” 

-”I don’t see thunder, but i do see sparkles!” 

-”Oh do you know each other?” “I’ve never met this man in my life” 

-”He’s my brother!” “Adopted.” 

-”aw now he’s threatening me” 

-”DIRECT ME TO WHO’S ASS I HAVE TO KICK” 

-*being dragged away* “AGH LOKI”

-”It sounds like you had a very intimate relationship with your hammer, so much that losing it was comparable to losing a loved one” “that’s a nice way of putting it” 

-”YES! WE KNOW EACH OTHER, HE’S A FRIEND FROM WORK!” 

-”Oh and Loki, Loki’s alive! Loki, look who it is!” “I have to get off this planet” 

-”YES, THAT’S HOW IT FEELS!” “Sorry i’m just a fan of the sport” 

-”What’s the team called?” “the uh.. revengers” 

-”i want revenge, you want revenge, and you uh..” “I’m.. undecided” 

-”Surprise!” “OW!” 

-”MBLERG ITS ME” 

-”THE SUNS GETTING LOW THE SUNS GETTING LOW” “Would you stop that?!” -”You’ve been on other planets before!” “yeah! one!” “Well, now it’s two”

-”wait you’re just using me to get to the hulk. That’s gross” 

-”Just give me twelve hours” “i can do it in 2″ “…I can do it in one” 

-”Were going through there” “the devils anus?” 

-”We might as well be strangers now, two sons of the crown set adrift” “I thought you didn’t want to talk about it” “…Heres the thing” 

-”Loki, i thought the world of you, but lets face it, our paths diverged a long time ago”

-*holding back tears* “yeah, maybe it’s for the best if we never see each other again”  

-”Hey, lets do get help” “what?” “Get help” “No, that’s humiliating” 

-”Do you have any other ideas?” “No” “were doing it.” 

-”Help my brother’s dying, get help!” *Flings loki at enemies* “HELP HIM” 

-”It’s a luxury ship, like for orgies and stuff” “did she just say this ship was used for orgies” “yeah, don’t touch anything” 

-”I CAN’T FLY THIS THING” “USE ONE OF YOUR PHD’S YOU HAVE PLENTY” “YEAH BUT NONE OF THEM ARE FOR FLYING ALIEN SPACE SHIPS!” 

-”This looks like a gun” *fireworks and loud music erupt from spaceship* 

-”In return, i wish to be granted safe passage through the anus” 

-”You know i don’t like that word” “What? mainframe?” “What? why would you think-? Slaves!” “Oh sorry sir, prisoners with jobs” 

-”YOUR SAVIOR HAS ARRIVED!” 

-”But man, you’re really the worst” 

-”Who are you? Thor, god of hammers?” 

-”I saw you coming” “Of course you did” 

-”You’re late” 

-”Hit her with your thunder!” “I just hit her with the biggest thunder bolt in the history of thunder and it didn’t do anything!” 

-”HULK NO! CAN YOU FOR ONCE JUST NOT SMASH!” “BUT BIG MONSTER!’

-”Asgard is not a place, it’s a people” 

-”Oh Miek’s dead, i stomped on him and felt bad so i’ve kind of just been holding him all day”  

-”It suits you” “I might hug you if you were here” “I’m here” 

-”Do you think it’s a good idea to go back to earth?” “Of course, the people there love me!” “…Do you think its a good idea to bring ME back to earth?” 


Shit the Foxes said on talk shows
  • Neil: So Kevin comes in at like 1 in the morning, brand new tattoo on his face, and he's drunk as hell but he's making this surprisingly coherent speech about being the deadliest piece of the board, and I'm just sitting there not saying a word because I don't know a thing about chess.
  • Dan: There's a video on my computer containing cuts from every single time Andrew sent a ball flying into someone's head set to the Donky Kong theme song. It's two and a half hours.
  • Allison: Neil has this thing where bad things happening to him are like a matter of fact. Once, he and I met up for lunch, and when the bill came he asked if he could pay me back later because he got mugged on the way over. As it turns out, what I mistook for Neil being a picky eater was actually Neil trying to eat without upsetting a shallow stab wound.
  • Renee: I don't drink alcohol because you can't account for what you'll do when you're drunk. Though sometimes that turns out fun. About a year ago we found out that Matt knows how to sing Sweden's national anthem backwards by heart, and that was hilarious. But on the other hand I've had Allison and Nicky competing on who can break a glass with their voice at three in the morning, so.
  • Matt: Kevin is definitely seems like everything in his life is about Exy, but get to know him and you realize that he has plenty of interests, it's just that he has no concept of doing things in moderation. So it's less a stick up his butt and more like, I don't know, a pool noodle or something.
  • Aaron: Neil doesn't have a concept of money, a fact which on any given day swings between hilarious and flat out tragic. He refused to pay $15.90 for new pants but said he'd pay for my med school if I stopped making fun of his new haircut. To be clear, both of these things happened in the same conversation.
  • Nicky: I love God, I do. He's always in my heart. But I guess God has abandonment issues because every time I see a commercial for a McFlurry I can just feel him testing me.
  • Andrew: The thing about the Foxes is that the stress level on any given day can fluctuate so wildly you get whiplash. One day you're getting yelled at for not blocking a shot, the next you're getting yelled at for "obstruction of justice" or whatever it is the Feds call it when you remind them that they can't come in without a search warrant. Why Wymack does this willingly is beyond me.
  • Kevin: On the one hand, the Foxes are much less organized, not to mention a smaller team. Every game, we're at an almost immediate disadvantage. On the other hand, Ravens are contractually forbidden from Irish coffee. So overall the decision isn't hard.
The Signs as Quotes From the Crystal Kingdom Arc
  • Aquarius: Hot diggity shit, that is a baller cookie.
  • Pisces: We don't know shit about history, what are you talking about? We can't remember what we're doing right now!
  • Aries: It seems like the least you could do after getting my ass thrown off the back of a moving train is see to my plants and my begonias and my fruits and my lilies.
  • Taurus: Those rules of nature are there for a reason, so let's just stop running afoul of them as if this was all just sort of funsy-fun make-believe, what do you say?
  • Gemini: I can't tell if you're joking, which is kind of par for the course.
  • Cancer: People say that about Thomas Edison a lot, like, he invented the lightbulb. But like, they didn't have 'em back then, right? So if I'd been around back then, that would've been easy for me. Because they didn't have lightbulbs, they didn't have anything. So like, inventing stuff was way easier. These days I'd have to invent, like, a double-lightbulb.
  • Leo: I don't even know how that worked, like, with physics.
  • Virgo: I had a wedding invitation for you to come to my marriage ceremony, and instead of RSVPing to it, you murdered me.
  • Libra: No, it was great, I loved the way it ... was there.
  • Scorpio: Well, hold on, there's three of us, we work individually, we're not a hivemind. I would say at least one of us has a solid grasp, one of us is halfway there, and probably one of us just started paying attention.
  • Sagittarius: I stitched the word 'dickhead' on his body, just so you guys know. Shh! So we get our revenge, in secret.
  • Capricorn: Let me tell you something. That nerd is a necromancer.
Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!
TFP characters as dril tweets
  • Optimus Prime: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
  • Ratchet: the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: “theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron”
  • Bumblebee: 1st grade: Mastered. 2nd Grade: MAstered. 3rd Grade: Mastered. 4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you 5th Grade:This ones hard
  • Arcee: strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian
  • Bulkhead: i fear my tropical fish no longer respect me after i accidetnally stumbled backwards & smushed my ass hole right up against their $3000 tank
  • Wheeljack: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
  • Cliffjumper: priest plugs my coffin in at the end of the funeral. “MILLERTIME” lights up in neon on the side, desecrating my corpse & sending me to hell
  • Smokescreen: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. I hoot and holler out of the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying
  • Ultra Magnus: Blocked. Blocked. Blocked. You are all blocked. None of you are free of sin
  • Jack: yes trolls. unlike you, i have a brain. its called a " JOB "
  • Raf: downloading shit loads of counterfeit papa john coupons through unsecure wifi net works
  • Miko: DAD: i just heard on t he news that teens are taking the "Kick My Ass" challenge. please dont do this ME: you have no power over me, old man
  • Jane Darby: startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no
  • Fowler: i enjoy a bit of "Humour" every now and then, but people seriously need to stop tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances
  • Megatron: my followeres, who all hate me, and wish to kick my ass, are nobodys, and they lack the combat training to injure me, because theyre infant
  • Stascream: I just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in
  • Soundwave: im the guy who airbrushes the nipples out of pro wrestling ads. i make $85k a year. but i have a secret *removs shades to reveal nipple eyes
  • Knockout: I put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like “oh tortures bad” , “its ineffective” fuck off
  • Breakdown: my grave is just a huge tv displaying videos of me doing parkour in hell and it makes all the other graves look like shit
  • Arachnid: i will tell you this right now: I'm from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally
  • Shockwave: i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect.
  • Predaking: please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit
  • Dreadwing: (the trolls watch in astonishment as the milk shake they threw at me flawlessly bounces off of my head wwith minimal pain and mess involved)
  • Unicron: *all horrors begotten by the desire of man flash before eyes* woha! this is awkward *the cries of millions suffering echo* Damn That's Weird

This is gonna be rambling and out of sorts but like. I want to put out my stance as a trans sga ace person and I’m sure there’s been plenty of people who have said this more eloquently than me but:

If you aren’t trans or sga you aren’t part of the LGBT community. Like, plain and simple as that.

I’m going to start by saying that when I was 14 I thought I was aroace and I came out to my mom and told her I probably wasnt ever going to want to have a relationship. She reacted bad. Like legit screaming fight and calling me a sinner bad. It was some of the most ridiculous bullshit I’d ever been exposed to. And it sucked and it hurt that she didn’t understand and even tho I’ve moved away from that identity, it still sucks to remember that moment. And this is serious shit that needs to be addressed, aroace people do have a lot of interpersonal stigma that needs to be talked about and remedied.

But see. That’s the key difference. Aroace issues are interpersonal, not societal. And the aroace community has very different goals from LGBT people as a result.

Aroace community initiatives are all about Visibility and Education. And those are noble goals, giving people access to this knowledge is great, but for LGBT people the kind of laser focus on Visibility isn’t great.

LGBT people are hypervisible. Trans women get mocked in media constantly, gay men and lesbians are stereotyped and demonized out the wazoo, everyone Knows we’re here. We don’t have a visibility issue.

We’re busy focusing on fighting the societal laws that literally restrict our freedoms. Because at the end of the day if you’re not an sga ace person, you’re not going to walk into an apartment complex with your spouse and be denied a home by a homophobic leasing agent. You’re not going to propose to the person you love and then have a baker refuse to make you a wedding cake because they believe you’re such an abomination that they think getting money from you is a sin. You’re not going to walk down the street holding your partner’s hand and have to fear for your life. You’re not going to tell your co-workers about your spouse and face social isolation, harassment, possibly being fired. You’re not going to be sent to conversion therapy specifically for your orientation and tortured until you’re too afraid to express your love anymore. You’re not going to be refused the right to donate blood.

If youre not a trans ace person, you’re not going to be stopped on your way to the bathroom and sexually harassed about your “real gender.” You’re not going to be denied work. You’re not going to be forced against your will to identify as a gender you are not.

There are no anti-ace laws. Theres no mandate to have sex or be in relationships. There are social pressures, YES, and I’m not denying that. And social pressures suck. But what you’re dealing with is fundamentally different from sga & trans experiences.

The thing about being ace is that it really is more of an interpersonal than professional disclosure. If someone irl asked me about my partners I’d have to talk about my boyfriends. I wouldn’t mention my level of sexual attraction or engagement because that’s not what was asked or what is socially appropriate to disclose. My boyfriends know I’m acespec because it’s relevant to our relationship, my boss would not.

Aromanticism is a mildly different story, because this is when you would reveal, “oh, I’m not in a relationship, I’m not really interested in them.” This could be met mostly with confusion, misunderstanding, disbelief, jokes, or “it’s a phase"s. Which all suck! They do and they’re issues that need to be addressed and dealt with, but once more they’re fundamentally different from the concerns sga people have to deal with when bringing their orientations into the professional realm.

Aro/ace people are perfectly valid, memeatic as that term has become. These are legitimate identities with definitely legitimate issues. But the facts are that the aroace community has vastly different priorities from the LGBT community and this is why they are fundamentally separate.

LGBT spaces and resources shouldn’t be expended in a direction that takes focus away from actual LGBT issues like the ones discussed above. Aroace people need to rally together and get their own resources in shape so they can create a more focused and targeted attempt to do what they want to accomplish. Because tugging at LGBT resources and insisting on including cishet aces, whose experiences are so fundamentally different from trans sga folks’, in LGBT spaces is detrimental to all of us in the long run.

And all the sitting around flinging insults at LGBT people and comparing them to bigots or their oppressors and being disgusted by LGBT people empowering themselves through displays of affection that they’re demonized for in every other circle just kinda proves the rift that exists between these communities and how much their priorities differ.

Anyways I’m done that was a lot of text

BUZZFEED UNSOLVED AU
  • So basically,,, Lance is loosely based off Shane and Keith is loosely based off Ryan
    • Tbh Shiro and Lance being in Shane’s role is interchangeable, sometimes Shiro will do an ep and sometimes Lance will do an ep (it’s mostly Lance tho)
    • Shiro will usually fill in if Lance has like, a project or big test and can’t do an episode
    • [Shiro voice] hey there, demons, its me ya boy
  • Pidge handles the camera/techie stuff and Hunk helps out with editing and such
  • Keith and Pidge are Big Conspiracy Theorists and they start a YouTube channel called “Voltron Unsolved”
    • Lance: What the fucks a Voltron
    • Keith: do you want in or not?
    • Lance: of fucking course I do
  • At first it was mostly them just fucking around in a forest or allegedly haunted hotel trying to find demons and stuff but it got really popular after, like, a year
    • people loved the dynamic between Lance, Keith, Pidge, and Hunk and Shiro and Matt, when they joined in sometimes 
  • there’s 5 different Mothman episodes bc Keith is this close to catching him
  • Lance, in a panicked voice: something just grabbed my ass
  • One time they couldn’t find Shiro so theres just like 20 hours of footage of Pidge, Hunk, Keith, and Lance going around town looking for him and speculating on where he could be
    • Lance: thE COCO GOT HIM 
    • Keith: mothman is real and he abducted my brother behind a Denny’s
    • Pidge: what’s up gamers Shiro was fuckin possesed by a ghost
    • Hunk: oh my god Shiro died and we have to learn necromancy to resurrect him
      • turns out he was just hanging out with Matt lol
      • Matt: and I would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids!
      • Pidge: Matthew you are twenty eight, stop acting like a child
  • Keith: so apparently the spirits in this hotel are excessively violent and aggressive
  • Lance, from the shadows, lobbing a vase at Keith: YEET, BITCH
  • Pidge’s running gag in the show is that she says some variation of “I’m gonna call a fucking exorcist” whenever Lance fucks around in a haunted building or something
    • the funny thing is though she never actually does until they’re reviewing footage from when they visited the Lizzie Boren house and as Keith is talking to the picture of Lizze, they hear Keith’s name repeated many times in a voice not belonging to any of their’s
      • Pidge deadass calls an exorcist
  • Keith, turning around when a chair falls over: what was that?
  • Pidge: dunno. some bullshit
  • [Lance voice] Hey ghouls! The boys are here!
  • Hunk gets scared easily but he’s also really curious so tbh he’s probably the first to go poking around at some spooky shit
    • Pidge: what’s that red stain on the dresser huNK NO-
  • Lance: If you slit my throat tonight I’m gonna have a hard time forgiving you for that 
  • Keith, wheezing: okay are you going to haunt me in the afterlife then?
  • Lance: what? No ghosts aren’t real 
  • Pidge, zooming in on Lance’s distressed face: Local man very anxious, tune in at 11 for more
  • Shiro tries, really, really hard not to get any of them killed
    • not by like, the ghosts or demons or whatever. He lets Pidge, Lance, Hunk and Keith deal with that spooky stuff. He just doesn’t want the landlady of the haunted motel to murder Lance for banging on the walls and yelling “hey demons come out come out wherever the fuck you are!”
  • Lance: where the hell are we gonna get a Bigfoot costume in the middle of June?
  • Hunk: Target is having a five for one sale on brown rugs and I have a bunch of duct tape left over from band night?
  • Lance: Hunk you are a GENIUS
  • Keith loves investigating the paranormal and all but he gets freaked out when Lance starts fucking around with the demons or ghosts
    • Lance: ayyyy I’m getting a selfie with this ghost, this is going on the snap
    • Lance: there could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing behind you and you wouldn’t even know it
    • Lance: hey Keith the demons want you to blaze it lol
  • Lance likes to tease about Keith believing in ghosts but he will never let anyone know that something brushed up against his foot while it was hanging off the bed when he was lying down and now he keeps a bag of salt in his pocket at all times
    • Hunk: oh my god we don’t have any salt to make a salt circle we’re all going to die a painful and excruciating
    • Keith: Hunk calm down-
    • Lance, screaming and grabbing handfuls of salt from his pockets: NOT TODAY GHOSTS NOT T O D A Y
  • [while on the Queen Mary] Lance: Keith what if we’re in the same spot one of the scenes in titanic was filmed?! What if I’m standing where Kate Winslet stood?!
    • Lance: those lucky ghost bastards, getting to hang out when Titanic was being filmed here
    • Keith: … the people who died here did so in a horrific and unimaginable way
    • Lance: yeah but they probably got to stare at Leonardo DiCaprio when he was soaking wet so who’s the real winner here?
  • Pidge, zooming in on Keith and Lance sitting in the tub: two bros sittin in a hot tub… five feet apart cause they’re not gay
  • Pidge: ya aint shit ghost!
  • Lance, banging on the windows: ya aint SHIT
  • Pidge: ya just. like. ya FATHER.

anonymous asked:

as long as we're talking about stiles as hale bait, can i just say that i've always wanted to find an au fic in which stiles finds out that he accidentally has dated/slept with like half the hale family? like he and derek meet and start dating and it's totally love and then derek takes him home and oh shit. there's his first highschool girlfriend who things ended awkwardly with aka cousin malia. who has her mom's last name since her parents never got married.

and then cora comes downstairs and oh hey cora! awesome. they dated for a bit in college but there wasn’t much of a spark so it only last a few months and then they actually became total bros. like he’s still really good friends with her? he probably should have made the connection between hale and hale, but he met cora at berkeley and she doesn’t talk about her family that much so it didn’t occur to him. still this is getting kind of weird? and then there’s “cousin” (packmate) erica who stiles

had a brief friends with benefits kind of thing with last year. no big, right? and then oh shit why does that older guy sitting next to derek’s parents and leering at him look so familiar? or right, he met him at a club one time when he was in between significant other’s and they hooked up in the bathroom. and apparently he’s the father of his first girlfriend. awwwkward. stiles has never felt so uncomfortable and confused in his life. why is this happening to him?

what is up with this family and him? is he some kind of hale-sexual or something? he’d been operating under the assumption that he was bi, but apparently all the people he’s ever been attracted to are part of this family. derek meanwhile has wrapped himself jealously around stiles and is glaring at everyone is his family including his parents (who honestly do not have any designs on their son’s boyfriend) and laura. who has not stopped laughing since they figured out what was going on.


I need to read a long fic on this! 

Because at first Stiles is like, “Derek, are you punking me?” 

And Derek is all, “What?” 

“Are you punking me?” Stiles eyes grow wide. “Oh my god. Is this an intervention? Do I do something weird in bed and you all got together to tell me to stop it?” 

“Do you do something weird in bed.” It’s not even a question. Derek has no idea what the fuck is going on at this point. 

“Derek! These people are not your family.” 

“They are,” Derek says. 

“Oh. My. God.” Stiles is three shades paler than usual. “Derek, I have slept with all of these people.” 

“What?” It’s Derek’s turn to go pale. 

Stiles points them all out. “Malia, hi, haven’t see you since high school. Nice blonde girl from the bakery whose name escapes me now and I am so, so sorry, hello.” He swallows and his throat clicks. “Hot older dude from the club.” 

“Peter,” the man says, extending his hand. He flashes a wicked smile. “Peter Hale. I’m Malia’s father.” 

Stiles squeaks. 

Derek bats his hand away and growls. 

“Um, Cora, yep, really should have put that together, I guess,” Stiles says, raking his fingers through his hair. “Um, Isaac, right? From my political science class last year. And…” His jaw drops when Laura grins at him. 

“Laura lives in New York,” Derek growls. “She literally lives in New York.” 

“Second stall in the Terminal Three bathroom at LAX, right?” Laura asks, and gives Stiles the finger guns. 

“Oh god,” Stiles says. 

All in all, it’s one of Derek’s most interesting family dinners. Alan Deaton thinks it has something to do with their wolves being drawn to Stiles, in knowing that he’d be a good fit for the pack. Stiles is mortified, but Derek’s surprisingly okay with it. 

He’s just glad that when his parents finally made it downstairs that Stiles didn’t recognise them too… 

He takes quite a lot of comfort in that, actually. 

Guys help I’m emotional

So I wrote a thing- Its a Langst thing.

It isnt finished and its just in the ‘summarize’ stage but… I dont know if I should expand on it?

Read it under the cut if you wantttt

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

do you think andrew and neil tell each other "i love you"? nora said no but ,,

i disagree with a lot of things nora said and this is one of them. 

  • it’s not easy because those are big words and both neil and andrew have troubles with expressing emotions, 
  • usually they prefer to show their feelings by simple gestures: an extra blanket during movie nights, a glass of water on the nightstand when andrew drank a little too much in columbia the previous night, always lightning two cigarettes instead of one, leaving fresh clothes and a towel (the fluffy one because andrew would never say it, but neil knows it’s his favorite) in the bathroom when andrew had a rough night and doesn’t want to be touched right now, etc.
  • the first time neil tried to say those words, it was when he got knocked on the court and it was bad enough he needed to go to the hospital
  • and while the anesthesia was working miracles, neil looked at andrew and started to say “i lov-”
  • but andrew looked at him with those angry eyes that immediately shut neil up, “don’t bullshit me like you’re going to die” because fuck is neil dramatic
  • “but you know that i do, right?”
  • “just how hard you got hit in your head?”
  • when the words are finally out, it’s andrew who says it first
  • it’s an accident, of course, because andrew understood long ago that when you trust someone this much and they’re always somewhere around even if only in the back of your mind, it’s easier to speak your thoughts out loud without even realizing it
  • and of fucking course it’s because of a damn cat because lately everything happened because of a damn cat ( “andrew, he’s not damned, he’s your child” “shut the fuck up nicky” )
  • it’s a normal movie night while they’re watching one of the movies from a list that nicky and matt made for neil since in their opinion his knowledge of the pop culture was terrible (neil still remembered how scandalized nicky was when neil didn’t know what you should do “if you like it” put a damn ring on it, neil)
  • they’re not cuddling because it’s hot and they rarely do it anyway unless they’re too tired after practice to even care but they’re sitting close enough that their shoulders are touching
  • but then the cat, this damn cat, jumps on the couch next to neil. it’s fine, it’s normal. king lives up to his name and thinks he owns the place, so it’s good
  • few minutes later andrew feels a pressure and from the corner of his eye he sees that neil scoots closer to him. andrew doesn’t mind, neil respects his boundaries enough to know what andrew is or isn’t comfortable with
  • he doesn’t mind until neil is draped over his lap with a dramatic sigh and okay, he knew he signed up for a drama queen (surprisingly enough kevin isn’t the only one and andrew doesn’t fucking know how can they fit on one throne together but this is his fucking reality) but this is pushing it
  • andrew: what. the. fuck.
  • neil: oh, were you here the whole time? didn’t notice, you’re so sma-
  • andrew: tch, tch. think about what you’re doing right now
  • neil smiles but doesn’t explain. when andrew looks at the couch next to him, king is laying on the better half of it, stretching his back and why is andrew even surprised? of course neil would rather lie on top of andrew than push the damn cat off the couch 
  • “you’re fucking lucky i love you” is all andrew says, it sounds angry and impatient, but it’s enough to make both of them freeze. when neil wants to look up, andrew wraps one arm around him and pushes him down to his chest. “don’t”
  • “but you know that i do too, right?” “watch your damn movie”
  • neil says it two days after, again because of the damn cat (but by now andrew thinks that maybe king really isn’t damned after all). andrew’s sitting on the same couch one morning, he’s sideways so he’s facing king who stares back at him. andrew is talking so he doesn’t hear when neil comes to the living room and stands behind andrew. 
  • “devil incarnate, what you staring at? get away from my leg, god you’re so fucking stupid, what is that? are you purring at me? you know what i’m gonna do-” andrew says all of this with the most monotone voice while holding a cup of coffee in his hands and a cat snuggling to his leg
  • and neil knows he shouldn’t, because andrew doesn’t respond well to confessions but he just can’t stop the words that come out of his mouth. “shit, i really do love you” and it’s out there and andrew’s back stiffens and he doesn’t turn around but neil feels so good 
  • something hits andrew right this moment, in their apartment, with their cat nuzzling against his knee, holding an ugly cup that neil bought for him last christmas. 
  • those words… they feel… they feel nice.
  • they feel like home
  • so from now on neil might say them more often and andrew isn’t there yet but every time he hears it, he says “i do too” or whenever neil leaves, andrew asks “you know that i do, right?” and neil smiles at him because he knows, he always knew
  • and andrew has the damn cat to thank for all of this
  • but he won’t thank the damn cat because what the fuck and also he’s a little shit
  • let me die now
  • b y e 
everybody wants to love you!

anonymous requested: for the soulmate prompt thing at first i was like aww for number 18 but then i just imagined modern reddie and eddie has fucking all star by smashmouth stuck in his head who the fuck is singing all start oh it’s richie (also on ao3)

Everyone knew that if a song was stuck in your head, it was because your soulmate was singing it. Eddie had always thought it was cute until it began happening to him. Now the main reason he wanted to meet his soulmate was to strangle them for singing such annoying songs.

Eddie struggled to concentrate on the textbook in front of him. He groaned and closed the book, resting his face in his hands. Bill gave him a concerned look over his laptop.

“Something wrong, Eddie?” he asked.

The brunet looked at him in exasperation. “They’re singing again. Why do they always have to start singing whenever I’m doing something important!?”

Bill smiled sympathetically. “What is it this time?”

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me / I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed / She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb / In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

“Fucking ‘All Star’ by Smash Mouth. I hate my life, Bill.”

His friend laughed. “You say that now but you’ll change your mind when you meet your soulmate.”

The hypochondriac rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Bill. You’re not the one with a soulmate that sings meme songs and weird indie shit. I wish my soulmate sang pretty songs like yours,” he grumbled.

Hey now, you’re an all-star, get your game on, go play / Hey now, you’re a rock star, get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shooting stars break the mold

Eddie whined again and buried his face in his arms.

“I want to die.”

He shot Bill a glare when he laughed.

-

“Are we rehearsing tonight?” Bill asked the lead singer and founder of their band.

Richie groaned. “I don’t want to but we have to keep practicing that song we’re gonna cover for the show on Friday, which is two days from now. So yeah, we’re rehearsing.”

Bill snorted. “Alright, I’ll let Bev know then.”

He left to call their bassist and Richie leaned back in the lounge chair in the Student Union. He began to hum the tune of their new song. The trashmouth pulled out his notebook and scribbled down some notes and lyric ideas.

I come home in the morning light / My mother says when you gonna live your life right / Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones / And girls they wanna have fun / Oh girls just want to have fun

Richie smiled wide as he stilled his hand. He really wanted to meet his soulmate. From what he could gather by their taste in music, they’d be fun to be around.

“What are you smiling about?”

He looked up. Bill sat down across from him, eyebrow raised knowingly. Richie’s cheeks reddened as he looked back to his notebook.

When the working / When the working day is done / Oh when the working day is done oh girl / Girls, they wanna have fun

“My soulmate’s singing.”

Bill nodded, a smirk forming. “Beverly’s on her way,” he told him. “She’s bringing dinner, also.”

“God bless her fucking soul.”

-

Eddie watched as Stan threw himself dramatically on the couch in his apartment. He groaned loudly before regaining his composure and sitting up.

“Everything okay, Stan?” Eddie asked, genuinely concerned for his friend.

The curly haired teen looked up at him. “Yes and no.”

The brunet raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Yes, I’m fine as in there isn’t anything actually wrong with me. No, I’m not fine because my soulmate won’t stop singing love songs.”

Eddie gave him a jealous look. “I’d take that over getting ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ stuck in my head every hour.”

Stan snorted. “I really want to meet them but it’s unlikely. I just hope the chances are good enough that we go to the same university.”

“I get what you mean. I want to meet my soulmate and beat the crap out of them for getting all those shitty songs stuck in my head, but yeah, I also want to meet them for the obvious reasons.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Eddie, but your soulmate sounds like a fucking nightmare,” his friend said. “Anyway, ready to start this dumbass history project?”

Eddie groaned and went over to the TV and turned it on.

“By the way, my roommate might be back, like, halfway through this documentary,” he explained as he inserted the DVD.

“I’m warning you now but history is honestly the most boring subject so don’t get mad at me if I fall asleep, which is very likely. Just pay extra attention,” Stan told him, pulling his feet up on the couch.

Eddie rolled his eyes and sat with him on the couch, pressing the play button. He tried to focus but the dull voice of the narrator explaining the French Revolution was making it hard. That and the new song stuck in his head.

Your sister thinks that I’m a freak / She’s been ignoring my calls, we haven’t spoken in a week / I get so drunk that I can’t speak / Yeah, nothing’s working and the future’s looking bleak and I say

“Really? Now of all times?”

“Song stuck in your head?” Stan asked as he repositioned himself to lie down.

Eddie nodded miserably. “Yeah, and it sounds loud. You know what I mean.”

“No, not really.”

Three beers and I’m so messed up, get drunk and I can’t shut up / She says that I drink too much / I fucked up and she hates my guts / She says that I need to grow up

“It always happens when I really need to focus. I feel like they know,” Eddie explained.

“Well, block it out and pay attention. I can feel my soul dying as this documentary progresses.”

The hypochondriac laughed at his friend and drew his legs up on the couch so he was sitting crisscross.

I’ll drink ‘til I’m staring at the ceiling / I’ll be just fine I’m numb and losing feeling / I can’t tell lies anymore

“What are we even supposed to do for this assignment?” Stan asked, looking over at Eddie.

He shrugged. “I think we’re supposed to watch the documentary and then write some questions? Our professor said he’d pick the best ones and use them as essay questions for the next test.”

“Shit.”

I just don’t know what to do, I’m still fucked up over you / She says that I drink too much / Hawaiian red fruit punch / She says I need to grow up

“It shouldn’t be too bad considering the French Revolution is pretty straightforward,” said Eddie.

His friend groaned again, leaning his head back against the couch. “Kill me.”

True to his word, Stan fell asleep about ten minutes in. Eddie tried his best to pay attention, scribbling down possible ideas for questions, but four more songs came and went. The documentary had just ended when he heard the apartment door open. He looked up from the TV where he was removing the disc.

“Hey,” Eddie waved. “How was practice?”

Bill dropped his bookbag on the ground and headed into the kitchen.

“It was good,” he told Eddie as he poured himself a bowl of cereal before draping himself over the armchair. “We got a lot of stuff done and perfected the two covers we’re doing for Fridays show. Which you better still be going to.”

Eddie rolled his eyes when Bill gave him a pointed look. “I’m going.”

He grinned. “Good. Anyway, what the hell were you watching?”

“It was for a stupid assignment for my history class. Speaking of, Stanley, wake up! It’s over.”

He shoved Stan with his foot, jerking him awake.

“Okay, first off? Rude. Secondly, your couch is very uncomfortable, please tell me you don’t make guest sleep here.”

Eddie shrugged at him. “Do you wanna, like, stay and get take out or something?”

Stan stood up, stretching his arms over his head, causing his shirt to ride up a bit. “No, I should probably get back to my apartment and hope my roommate hasn’t burned it down,” he replied.

He seemed to just now notice Bill. “Oh, you must be Eddie’s roommate. I’m Stanley.”

Bill smiled at him and Eddie noticed Stan’s cheeks flush. “Bill.”

“Nice to meet you. Anyway, I should head out. I’ll see you tomorrow, Eddie.”

Eddie said his goodbyes as he walked out of the apartment. He noticed how his roommate’s eyes lingered on the doorway.

“Hey, just out of curiosity, is he single?” Bill asked, looking back at Eddie.

“Unbelievable,” he shook his head as he walked back to his room.

“What, Eddie? Are you going to answer my question or not?” his roommate shouted after him.

He ignored him in favor of his phone vibrating. He checked to see that it was a text from Stan.

[ from: bird boy ] Okay so uhh

[ from: bird boy ] Your roommate is hot as fuck

[ from: bird boy ] Like,, raw me please

[ to: bird boy ] never ever ever make me read those words ever again in my life

[ from: bird boy ] Pass the word on to him I’m begging you

[ to: bird boy ] im blocking you

-

“Is it okay if my roommate joins us for lunch? I promised I’d go with him last week but obviously forgot and then made plans with you. He just texted me asking where we’re meeting.”

Richie looked up and Bill and laughed. “Fine with me, Big Bill. You talk a lot about your roommate. I’m excited to meet him.”

Hold up, they don’t love you like I love you / Slow down, they don’t love you like I love you / Back up, they don’t love you like I love you / Step down, they don’t love you like I love you / Can’t you see there’s no other man above you? / What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you / Hold up, they don’t love you like I love you / Oh, down, they don’t love you like I love you

He cracked a smile. “I really want to meet my soulmate.”

Bill raised an eyebrow.

“Beyoncé.”

His friend snorted and rolled his eyes before returning to texting his roommate about his whereabouts.

How did it come down to this? / Scrolling through your call list / I don’t wanna lose my pride, but I’m a fuck me up a bitch / Know that I kept it sexy, and know I kept it fun / There’s something that I’m missing, maybe my head for one

“Okay, he’s on his way. I told him I’d order for him so let’s get going.”

Richie nodded and followed Bill into the restaurant. They ordered their food, with Bill ordering also for his roommate, before diving deep into conversation.

“Bill, I swear to god, if you ask about him again I’m going to kill you.”

A short brunet stopped abruptly behind Bill, unaware of Richie’s presence. He took this time to admire him. He was cute. Really cute. Richie grinned.

“Hiya,” he said with a grin, taking the newcomer’s eyes off his friend.

“This is my friend Richie. Richie, this is my roommate Eddie,” Bill explained. “He’ll be having lunch with us if that’s okay with you.”

Eddie gave Richie a quick once over and a small smile before sitting down next to Bill. Their food arrived shortly after and they began to eat.

“So, Eddie,” the trashmouth began. “Are you coming to our show on Friday?”

Eddie looked up, his look a bit skeptical. “Our show?” he repeated.

“I’m sure you’ve heard all about the band from Bill.”

“You’re in that band?”

Richie laughed. “Eds, I formed that band!”

He grimaced. “Don’t call me Eds.”

The dark-haired teen reached over and pinched his new friend’s cheek. “But its cute, like you!”

Eddie slapped his hand away, only looking mildly embarrassed. He glanced at Bill.

“Is he always like this?” he asked.

Bill looked at his friend and sighed. “Sadly.”

Richie placed his hand on his chest in mock offense. “You hurt me, Bill. This isn’t how you were treating me last night. Why do you always have to act so different when we’re in public?” he whined as he began to pretend to cry dramatically.

“Beep beep, Richie.”

Richie grinned wide and pushed his chair back. “I have to go. You’d better be at that show tomorrow, Eddie, or I will be very sad!”

He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed toward the exit.

“He didn’t pay,” he heard Eddie say to Bill.

“This isn’t the first time.”

Richie waved over his shoulder and blew Bill a kiss. He winked at Eddie, his grin widening when he saw him blush.

-

Friday finally rolled around and Eddie decided to invite Stan to Bill’s band’s show. He made sure to specifically mention that his roommate was in this said band because he knew Stanley would never go otherwise.

“Can you please stop talking about you and my roommate fucking,” Eddie pleaded, pressing his fingers to his temples. “And are you sure you still want to go? You weren’t looking too good earlier.”

“It’s the depression,” Stan replied, giving him a look. “But I’m okay now.”

Eddie nodded. “Okay. Let me know if you want to leave at any time and we will.”

Can I get your number? / Can I get you into bed? / When we wake up in the morning / Will you give me lots of head?

“Oh, that’s nice,” Eddie sighed as they got closer to their destination.

“Another song?”

Eddie nodded.

“Me too. Or at least parts of a song.”

Everybody wants to love you / Everybody wants to love you! / Everybody wants to love you

They approached the venue, easily identifiable by music and cheering. They paid the entry fee and walked inside. Eddie was immediately greeted by sweaty, dancing bodies and loud music. He saw Richie up on stage, strumming a guitar. He spotted Bill in the back on the drums, and two other individuals: a girl on bass and a dark-skinned guy on another guitar. He couldn’t help but stare at Richie, who caught his gaze. The dark-haired boy grinned and winked at him before continuing with the song.

Will you lend me your toothbrush? Will you make me breakfast in bed? Ask me to get married And then make me breakfast again!

Eddie watched as the rest of the band joined in for the chorus.

Everybody wants to love you.”

He froze. The Richie sang the next part alone.

Everybody wants to love you!

Eddie felt as if his skin was on fire. His hands started shaking and checked his pockets, cursing internally because of course he didn’t bring his inhaler.

“Eddie!” Stan snapped him out of his daze. Distantly he heard the band sing another line. “Are you okay? You look like you’re about to throw up. Do you need me to take you to the bathroom?”

He could only nod. He didn’t think that he would react this way to meeting his soulmate. Stan grabbed his hand and led him through the crowd. He was dimly aware of the song ending and people cheering. He didn’t notice the look on Richie’s face when Stan pulled him into the bathroom. He turned the sink on and wet a paper towel, dabbing it on his face to cool himself down.

“Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“The lead singer of that band? The one on the guitar?”

“Richie? Yeah, he’s my roommate and best friend. He’s also terrible. What about him?” Stan asked, genuinely concerned for his wellbeing.

Eddie stared at him. “He’s your roommate? You live with him?”

“Unfortunate, I know. Wait, how do you know him?”

“Bill introduced me.”

Stan rolled his eyes. “Oh, god. You’re the guy he’s been gushing on about for the past twenty-four hours. It’s disgusting.”

“Says the guy who won’t shut up about my roommate,” Eddie accused.

“Yeah, whatever. Anyway, what does you almost having an asthma attack have to do with Richie?” Stanley questioned, crossing his arms.

“Well he’s, uh, he’s my soulmate,” Eddie confessed.

The curly haired boy’s eyes went wide. “Holy shit. How do you know? God, he’s going to be ecstatic when he finds out.”

Eddie reddened. “That song. It was stuck in my head on the walk over here. It sounded like it got so much louder when we came inside.”

Stan nodded. “Well, you have to tell him because he looked hurt when I had to drag you in here.”

“I literally only met him yesterday,” Eddie whined.

Stanley rolled his eyes. “Yet you like him! Man up and tell him that he’s your soulmate.” He gave Eddie a quick hug before exiting the bathroom.

Eddie took a deep breath. He moved to open the bathroom door but it was pushed open. Richie grabbed his hand.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

He short-circuited for a second. “I have to tell you something.”

Richie rubbed his thumb over the palm, making Eddie shiver. “Okay.”

Eddie looked away, cheeks red. “You’re my soulmate.”

“What?”

“On the walk here, I had that song you just played stuck in my head and I’d never heard it before,” Eddie admitted.

“What did you listen to before meeting Bill for lunch yesterday?” Richie asked him.

“Um, I listened to Beyoncé. Lemonade specifically, but I don’t know what this has to do with anything.”

Richie pushed him back against the bathroom wall and grabbed the sides of his face. He kissed him hard, hands moving from his cheeks to his waist. Eddie was thrown off guard but immediately regained his composure, kissing him back earnestly, his fingers curling in his shirt. Richie coaxed his mouth open, the wet sounds of mouths and tongues pressing together filled the small room.

“I can’t believe you just made out with me in a fucking bathroom. Do you know how germy and disgusting these places are?” Eddie panted as they broke apart.

“Relax, babe. It’s not like I’m fucking you in a stall,” he grinned and pressed his forehead to Eddie’s. “Unless you want me to.”

Eddie pushed him away. “Beep beep, Richie,” he used the phrase he heard Bill say yesterday to get him to shut up. “Absolutely disgusting.”

Richie laughed and kissed him again, this time gentler. He pulled back and placed a kiss on his temple, intertwining their fingers together.

“I gotta get back out there,” he said, pulling him toward the exit. “I’ll dedicate the next song to you, darlin’.”

Eddie smiled wide as his soulmate led him back out into the crowd. He’d strangle him for singing all those annoying songs another night. Tonight was all about them.

hey i wanna talk about erik klose

  • “i feel like he could hold me up forever” erik isn’t just emotional support he’s a soccer player and he is s t r o n g
    • he got them Midfielder Thighs™
  • he fuckin loves soccer movies ok 
    • nicky, already grinning, in response to erik’s parents asking how his day was: alles ist gut
    • erik, sliding into the room in his socks and running into a wall: soLANGE DU WILD BIST!!!!!
    • used Bend It Like Beckham and She’s The Man to practice his english
    • he definitely has a poster of jess bhamra in his room, she’s his hero
  • he is SUPER tall
    • (he’s actually taller than matt when his hair isn’t spiked)
  • him and nicky are low key competitive as fuck and they run together when nicky starts training for exy
  • nicky quickly learns that trying to outlast a midfielder on a run just. doesn’t work. they do the most running on the team and typically go whole games without getting subbed out.
    • 3 miles in nicky is wheezing and dying and erik is laughing like the absolute traitor he is
  • but!! it wasn’t all sunshine at first i mean come on,, this is the foxes
    • when nicky first got to the Klose’s he was reserved, quiet. 
    • erik was taking a year off to travel with friends during the first 6 months nicky was there
    • when both parents agreed nicky could stay for the summer for some extra classes so he could graduate on time (by american standards), he finally met erik
    • tall, athletic, kind erik, erik who came home with all kinds of candy from all kinds of countries to give to a boy he never met all to make a pun about what a “sweet deal” it was to have someone new in the house, he felt his heart race when nicky smiled at him for his ridiculous efforts
    • that’s the first time the klose’s saw a real smile come from nicky
  • erik convinced nicky to go to church after a while
    • it was hard at first, especially when nicky noticed erik was getting some weird looks from some of the older people in the congregation
    • when nicky asked why, erik told him about how when he came out his grandmother stopped speaking to him, and how some parents didn’t want to let erik come over to see his friends
    • but then erik told him how his parents told anyone who wasn’t okay with their son that they weren’t worth having around, that they loved erik and they wouldn’t allow anyone to try and make him feel bad for being himself
    • and how his cousins snuck out and took him to his first pride parade in hamburg
    • surrounded by people who actually care, nicky started to hope again
  • nicky starts to smile more and erik…he’s so smitten. his new mission in life is to make nicky smile
  • erik’s humor is usually really awful puns and dad jokes, but he also is really good at keeping a straight face while saying absolutely ridiculous things, leading people to question whether he’s really serious or not and nicky fighting super hard not to bust out laughing (because he’s the only one who can tell he’s joking)
  • nicky prides himself on being pretty fashionable so he’s not entirely sure how the hell he lets erik get away with wearing those awful toe shoes. the. the individual toe ones.
    • you know the ones
  • the first time they kiss, erik was climbing a tree and fell out, because all his grace stops the minute he steps off the field
    • it was a forehead kiss because, well, erik’s face was bleeding, but yea
    • they’re a bit of a mess, but they’re cute, ya know?
  • nicky and erik are the type of couple to go to the grocery store at 2am because they really want to make mac n cheese and accidentally end up buying 4 pounds of candy instead while serenading each other to the weird 90s music the store is playing
  • erik loves aldi’s and wants to live there. everything is so cheap, nicky. they have my favorite cheese, nicky. nicky. where are you going. nicky i live here don’t leave we haven’t bought any bread yet-
  • he owns crocs. he just. he does. he bought orange ones when nicky joined the foxes and fuckin little white fox paw insert thingies because he’s a supportive boyfriend, dammit
  • he draws smiley faces on everything. notes to nicky, his notes at school, on his meeting notes at work, and his favorite place: on nicky. 
  • he’s one of those people who can’t tan for shit, he just burns then freckles. nicky is constantly nagging him to wear sunscreen. he always forgets and sends nicky pictures of his bright red shoulders only to get pages of texts ranting about sunscreen and melanoma
  • he’s got scars everywhere but theyre all from like. the dumbest stuff. there’s a big one on his knee from sneezing while on a run and subsequently tripping on the sidewalk and wiping out. several are from falling out of trees. he broke his nose falling out of the shower because he freaked out when he saw a spider. again, all his grace is on the soccer field. everywhere else he’s a hazard.
  • he’s really, really clumsy. he loves fiercely because that’s how his parents taught him. he knows he’s lucky to have a family that stuck by him, he knows it’s the least they can do, but so many gay kids have shitty parents. kids like nicky. and erik may be gangly and clumsy. he may be competitive and he may not always understand how nicky feels because he hasn’t experienced what nicky has. but he has fallen out of more trees than anybody he knows, and falling in love with nicky is an ache he’s never been able to ice away, and would never want to anyway.

This is cliche and short but I actually finished it so

“Dex." 

"What." 

"I need another word for ‘cleansed’." 

"Do I look like a Thesaurus to you, Nurse?" 

"Chill, dude." 

”… Purified.“ 

Nursey looked up before he could stop himself, shock on his features for barely half a second before switching to… Pleased? Content. No, chuffed. (God, Nursey wanted to use that word in a poem one day. Chuffed.) 

"Thanks." 

Dex, however, didn’t look up. The keys on his thick black laptop clicked almost continuously, and Nursey did not debate internally on whether he was writing an essay or lines of code, because he had poetry assignments to finish for tomorrow. While not procrastinating, he shifted his mind to the whirring machine- it was really fucking old, but the thing was, Dex was the kind of person to repair his own electronics instead of upgrading them. (Like, with pliers and everything. He’s seen it happen.) The thing was in really good shape. Similar to the way that Hugh Jackman was by no means a spry twenty year old, yet looked like it would take nothing short of a battering ram to knock him over. A nice, solid, dependable- 

"What the hell are you muttering about now?” Dex muttered, the hypocrite.

“Aw, nothing.” (Hugh Jackman) “The next line.” (Hugh Jackman as a laptop)

“What’ve you got?" 

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tdill123  asked:

We whites can't like or own anything due to appropriation and scary part is most of the 🌏 is of non whites. I have no joy in life anymore .Theories say this whole perceived physical world is not natural to whites and we are only meant to live in Christ. We have nothing. And there's evidence and theories that say we whites aren't natural to this so called earth and just think what would happen if this was found out. We wouldn't be able to freely love things if this perceived world

I’m sorry you feel this way, but I think you don’t have a clear idea of what appropriation is. If someone else willingly shares their culture with you and invites you to participate, I don’t see why you cannot learn from them. 

Appropriation is when you embrace someone else’s culture, even though your own ethnic group and society used to mock them, shame them, harass them for the same thing. A great example would be box braids; yt ppl used to shit on black ppl with braids but now many yts have gone to wear them as a new trend. That IS appropriation. Having curly hair, or wearing a normal braid… this is NOT appropriation.

“I have no joy in life anymore”. So you used to gain joy by appropriating other cultures? You come from a privileged group of people and you might not have been taught by the people surrounding you to think any differently. But imagine this; being oppressed and discriminated against for your entire life, only to have yt people start to do the same thing… instead of getting hate, these yt people are PRAISED for being ‘unique’, ‘creative’, whatever else. 

“Theories say this whole perceived physical world is not natural to whites”; this is a theory made up by a white person. If you cannot see different skin colours physically due to a disability, that’s a whole different thing. But you cannot tell me that there is no difference between your skin colour and mine. “Let’s stop seeing skin as a colour” is just a performative way for yt people to try to silence the voice of POCs and “move on as quickly as possible”. “And there’s evidence and theories that say we whites aren’t natural to this so called earth and just think what would happen if this was found out…” Can I just say that this is also something a defensive yt person would say? It’s pretty ableist to try to define what is natural, but yt people exist. You are the product of evolution, just like the rest of us. Don’t play victim and try to cover up the blatant racism in your post. 

Racism and appropriation is not something of the past. I think many recent events support this statement, Charlottesville being a huge one that comes to mind. The best thing one can do is to keep an open mind and learn, to be an ally without being performative, and to admit that yes, you are privileged as a white person.

Wait, what?

(based on this) (look, there’s a part two)


Yuuri barely has time to grab his jacket when he runs out the door, much less brush his hair or find a hat. Unfortunately, he’s sure that that means that his hair is an absolute mess. It’s been getting long again, but in between classes and helping Yura out with his routine on the weekends, he hasn’t had much time for things like haircuts. Besides, Victor doesn’t seem to mind it, and Yura likes to experiment hairstyles on Yuuri “so that if it looks stupid, I don’t have to see it on myself.”

It’s not that big a deal, except on days like this, when he sleeps in (thanks a lot Vitya) and doesn’t have the time to really get it under control. He usually meets up with his friends before class, and he doesn’t doubt that they’ll notice, and probably tease him about it.

They notice.

“Yuuri!” Estephania gasps, sounding too scandalized for her words to be anything but teasing. “What on earth happened to your hair?”

Yuuri flushes. “I was running late,” he mumbles.

Richard snorts. “You sure? Because that looks more like sex hair to me, man.”

“Ooh, he’s right,” Estephania coos before Yuuri can protest.

He wonders if it’s possible to die of embarrassment (especially since they’re not entirely wrong). “No, really I–”

“We know, sweetie.” She reaches up and moves his hair around a bit, trying to make it look presentable. “You’re just too easy to tease.”

“You sure you’re really twenty seven?” Richard raises an eyebrow.

Yuuri just smiles at the ground in fond humiliation (apparently it’s not a common emotion, but it’s a little hard not to be used to the feeling when he’s married to the world’s biggest drama queen) and nods. “I am.”

His friends are too much sometimes, he admits. Richard is the embodiment of America in a lot of ways: loud, completely lacking a sense of social norms, a walking personification of testosterone. Estephania is less… everything… than Richard, but she’s very touchy and affectionate in an entirely platonic way that reminds Yuuri a lot of Christophe, only without all of the innuendo. But they’re both loyal down to their very core, and they’re not bad people.

His phone starts ringing, Stammi Vicino playing loudly. Yuuri picks up, keeping his phone away from Estephania’s hands. “Да, Vitya?”

“Dude! You speak Russian too?” Richard looks like Yuuri just smacked him in the face. The school year just started, so they’re all still learning about each other.

Yuuri just smiles, since Victor is in the middle of one of his usual mid-morning crises. “Vitya, calm down,” he says in Russian. “Makkachin is probably out with Yura. You know he takes her for walks sometimes. Have you seen him today?”

He manages to get Victor off the phone just before class starts, flipping his phone to airplane mode since he’s sure that this isn’t the last he’ll be hearing from his lovable trainwreck of a husband.



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animoozies  asked:

Ice spiced latte. Hey girl. Do you have any sources or recommendations on how to get better at drawing anatomy as well as shading.

Heyo Connie!

I guess the first thing I really gotta reccomend is Pinterest. This site is everything. I personally use it constantly for inspiration and of course, sources on areas of practice. Some pieces I have started just from a quick scroll through that website. 

 - THE LITERAL HOLY GRAIL OF ALL ANATOMY REFERENCES IM SERIOUS GO HERE EVERYONE GO HERE I FOUND THIS A FEW YEARS AGO AND I FUCKING CRIED.

For anatomy, my honest-to-god advice would have to be the most basic practice out there; draw from life. We see others everyday and it’s some of the most essential sources. I have discussed before that anatomy is a crucial aspect to creating a style as it will contribute to any style out there. Here’s the full anatomy talk I gave to an anon a while back. It covers most of the important shit I want to tell anybody. 

Anyway, from what I can collect over the years, anatomy relies mostly on basic shapes.

We’ll get into that later. For now, i’ll show you a technique that I practiced when I was younger from some random website. I can’t quite remember what the technique was called but let me just point out that any kind of technique the internet has will work or won’t with different people. It’s what you make of that technique yourself after you’re fluent with it that counts. There’s a lot personalaspects that have changed the technique I’ve used since i’ve stopped using it. Here’s a basic example of that technique;

As you can, most of the lines go after the circles. That’s the most basic body shape. What matters is actually the rendering of all of this. There’s a lot of mistakes that may come with doing any technique; a common one would have to be being neat with it. That’s not the case if you want to have a better flow in your drawing; be messy with your lines. Rendering will sort everything else afterwards. Being messy and almost spontaneous with these guidelines will allow your drawing to be more open to natural positions and prevent your character looking stiff. There’s also a stress that comes along with being neat with it all; you aim for perfect lines and that’s the case you shouldn’t be going for. The human body is flexible, it’s unexpected even. Rendering these lines will give you a clearer guide to the final product;

Rendering out the lines can sometimes mean just basically going over the lines in the first step but trust me when I say that rendering is all about decisions; whether your want to that leg just a bit closer to the other or an entire arm in a different position. And of course, the final lines come around eventually;

These techniques and the understanding that the human body can be defined into mere shapes are what I reccomend to anybody who wants to practice more anatomy. They can be used to sources such as basic pictures online. Here’s an example of the process;

After a few more lines, rendering;

I didn’t do significant lineart here but rather, refine more for the drawing;

As you can see, I fill out some of the blank spaces using lines. This is still part of a sketch process but is crucial once you move on to colouring and all sorts; shading is something I can’t define for everyone. Anyone could have a different take on shading but what I do reccomend is starting out easy! Find the most basic spots where you just know there should be shade. Of course, under the chin, the back of the legs. All these things can be a huge factor for your next step into your piece; it can contribute to how you use colours. The sketch process is the guideline in itself to everything that may come afterward. 

As for the lighting in shading itself; I would look into lighting angles around the face first as it is crucial to most of what you will probably draw later on. A book truly recommend is Dynamic Light and Shade by Burne Hogarth. It is such a beautifully detailed book that not only shows great examples of pieces themselves but also extends upon how the light can affect any work and what mood it can convey as well. Other reccomendations would go towards inspiration from others’ work and like I said, in real life. I cannot tell you how many pieces I have created are inspired by the light I observe in real life. Take photographs and skim through them if you must; I do it most days in all kinds of environments to see how the light can be used in my work. 

As for anatomy, here are some techniques you can use; 

- The Coil Technique 

- Here’s some good figure drawing tips. 

- I believe this is the technique I started out with a few years ago.

Others you can find by a quick scroll through the interwebz. 

I have so much more to say on these two subjects but honestly it will take years; this is the gist of it all, at least. 

I’m not the master of anatomy, i have too much to learn still but over the years, I’ve learned how to cope with things I never thought I could cope with. With practice, I swear to god, things do change. I remember when eyes were like hell to draw but now, I enjoy doing them because I’ve found my own way to doing them. I remember just dying at the thought of doing the goddamned hands but it’s not so bad these days. Everything is a stepping stone and anatomy as a whole will take years for people to really get by and I’m hardly there, so don’t worry if you’re still steady at it, everyone learns at their own pace and that’s okay. 

Adios amigos. 

Sketchbook (Peter Parker Imagine)

Summary: Peter finds the reader’s sketchbook open on her desk.

Because I’m a sucker for this trope.

Words: 2k

—————————————————

“Y/N?” Peter called into your empty house, after having let himself in.

He wasn’t surprised when there was no reply. You had told him you might be a little late to your study night, as you had an errand to run for your aunt.

Nonetheless, you’d reminded him where the key was and assured him to let himself in and take whatever food he wanted from the fridge (“But don’t eat it all, Parker! I know you and your appetite, and I refuse to allow a repeat of last November!”)

He smiled, remembering your scolding, and grabbed a juice from the fridge before heading to your room to wait.

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