Post 2x09. Alex tries to explain not only to Maggie but also to herself why she reacted the way she did by pushing Maggie away like "I'm not used to sharing my life with someone. Sharing every aspect of it. It overwhelmed me and for a moment there I panicked. But there's no one I'd rather share everything with than you." So an angsty fluff piece? Please
They hug and Alex is grateful.
Grateful that they’re hugging instead of kissing.
Because kissing her makes her swoon, makes her forget how to think.
Hell, so does hugging. Any closeness with Maggie banishes her ability to function properly.
But this kind of closeness?
This kind of closeness feels more intimate, in this moment, than kissing would.
She’s never been fond of intimacy.
But god, how she’s craving it now.
Now, as Alex can feel Maggie suppressing her shaking.
Now, as Alex can feel Maggie suppressing her fear.
Now, as Alex pulls back from their hug with wide eyes and a soft voice, and she can still see the cautious shutters behind Maggie’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she says again, and Maggie purses her lips and breathes deep and nods.
She doesn’t go to sit down, but she doesn’t go to leave, either.
“The universe doesn’t want you to be happy, huh?” Maggie asks, not re-crossing her arms, but not letting her stance relax entirely, either.
Alex sighs and steps around to sit on the edge of the couch. “Sit with me?” she hopes in a small voice, and Maggie takes another slow, deep breath before nodding and sitting next to her, their bodies not touching.
But she’s not completely on the other side of the couch.
And she hasn’t walked out.
She hasn’t said she won’t ever forgive her.
But she hasn’t said she does, either.
“I’m not used to sharing my life with someone. Well, with someone who’s not Kara. I know myself, with Kara. I know my rhythm with her. But I don’t… I couldn’t stand the idea that… god, I’m so happy you know who she is now… I blamed myself – I was so happy, Maggie, with you, because of you, that I was distracted, I let her go on a mission alone, I didn’t protect her, I… I could have gotten her killed, because I was happy. With you. And I couldn’t… I got overwhelmed, Maggie. By sharing my life – myself – with someone like that. Like… this. But I want to, Maggie. Share my life. With you. There’s no one else I’d rather be with like I’m with you. And I’ll get better at it. I promise.”
“How, Alex? How can you promise? Kara’s always going to be Supergirl, and you’re always going to be you.”
“I learn fast, Maggie. Especially when I care about something. Someone. And I care about you. More than I… I care about you, Maggie. Do you… do you want to tell me more about… about what happened for you? When I did… all that? Do you want to… to yell at me? Or something?”
Maggie stands and starts to pace, left hand under her lips.
“Alex, I don’t want to yell at you, I just… I can’t be your yo-yo. I can’t be with you when you’re happy and have you leave when you’re scared. I want… I want to be with you when you’re scared, Danvers. I want to help you when you’re scared. Alright?”
Alex nods with tears brimming in her eyes and trembling hands letting Maggie’s interlace their fingers.
“Do you want me to stay tonight?” Maggie asks, and Alex’s heart leaps.
“Do you want to stay tonight?” Alex dares to hope. “We can talk more about Kara’s ridiculous glasses.”
Maggie laughs and shakes her head, her eyes crinkled and her dimples on full display.
“Yeah, I want to stay tonight, Alex. Is that alright?”
“More than alright, Maggie. It’s perfect.”