there's just no way they can all be sad and creepy

Drawing Hearts {Barista! Taeyong}
  • Pairing: Taeyong X Reader
  • Request: “…if you have time may i request a barista! taeyong au? theres no need to rush it ilu have a good day!!…”
  • Genre: Fluff; Barista! AU; Bulleted Scenario
  • Word Count: 981
  • Summary: There’s a new guy working at your favorite cafe, that you can’t help but fall for.

A/N: omg sorry this took so long to write but here it is!!! and i think technically he isn’t a barista in this butttttttt it’s similar right?? sorry if it isn’t exactly what you wanted @ anon who requested this

  • you were a regular customer at this cafe
  • the cafe was a cute and small cafe
  • despite the size, it was busy at times
  • you loved their coffee, they made the best lattes
  • anyways, you went there every morning to get your daily coffee fix
  • you went there so often, you knew all the workers there and everyone knew your order
  • one morning, you go in and spot someone at the register taking orders, who you have never seen before
  • admittedly, he was quite the looker, but you were wondering where your favorite cashier was??
  • like where’s my homie at?
  • so like while you were waiting in line you were kinda just staring at him
  • and maybe it was a little creepy, but you were curious and not used to change
  • when it was your turn, you were like “wHERE’S MY HOMIE JEFFERY”
  • “ummm he quit?” the cashier said. and you take a look at his name tag and it says ‘taeyong’
  • then you feel bad for kinda yelling at him so then you say “ok maybe we can be homies too, taeyong”
  • in this awkward situation, he just smiles and says “okay” because he really doesn’t really know what’s going on but he thinks you’re cute
  • so you order your drink to go and give him a friendly smile
  • when you get your coffee, you notice he drew a smiley face on the cup
  • and you thought to yourself, THAT IS SO CUTE
  • because it is
  • for the next few days you receive smiley faces on your cup and that made you feel special
  • but then you found out that he draws them for everyone 
  • and so you kinda were disappointed
  • one day you come into the cafe and you see taeyong’s beautiful smiling face and feel sad because you remember you’re not special ://
  • taeyong notices you sulking and asks what’s wrong
  • you obviously say nothing’s wrong, but taeyong doesn’t believe you
  • and today you choose to sit down in the cafe, kinda just feeling down
  • then out of nowhere, someone sits in the seat across from you
  • you look up to see taeyong
  • he asks you, “is everything alright??”
  • and you don’t want to admit that you’re feeling sad because he draws smiley faces for everyone and not just you
  • but he keeps persisting you to tell him what’s wrong
  • you sigh in defeat 
  • “well when you drew smiley faces on my cup, it made me feel special. but then i found out that you draw them for everyone else too, so now i don’t feel so special” and when you said that out loud, you thought it kinda sounded so childish
  • but you just wish that you were special in his eyes
  • he then explains that you were the first person to get a smiley face from him, but then when other customers came he would feel bad if they didn’t get smiley faces too. so he gave everyone a smiley face to be fair
  • you now understand why taeyong did that; he was the nicest person on earth
  • he laughs when he tells the story of how some flirtatious girls would mistake the smiley face for something more and they’d try to ask him out
  • of course he’d say no in the nicest way possible
  • because he had no interest in them, only you
  • but he didn’t tell you that
  • he says to you, “if it makes you feel better, i’ll start drawing hearts for you, instead of smiley faces”
  • and you would’ve said something in reply, but his manager came out and told him to get back to work
  • so you just waved at him as he walked away
  • like taeyong said, he started drawing hearts on your cups
  • which made your heart flutter
  • at this point, you think it was kinda obvious that you liked him?
  • you really couldn’t help but fall for him
  • he was the nicest person you’ve ever met and he drew hearts for you!!! 
  • his face was just a bonus
  • you were beginning to feel like maybe he liked you too
  • you noticed how he would always be smiling at you
  • your friends (if they ever came with you) would say how his eyes lit up when he was looking at you
  • there was just something between you two, where you knew you both liked each other, but never said anything
  • and weeks passed, but he’s never said anything
  • so one day, you decide to do it yourself
  • as you step in, you feel your heart pound and break into a sweat
  • as you go up to him, he says, “hey y/n, the usual?”
  • and you’re like “can i get a caramel macchiato?…. and a date with you?”
  • and on the inside taeyong is screaming and he feels as if his heart is about to burst
  • of course he says yes to you
  • and then he draws like a billion hearts on your coffee cup because he’s that happy
  • ok dating taeyong
  • lots of free drinks
  • he really shouldn’t be doing it, but he doesn’t want you to pay, because you deserve the best
  • ok but i can see taeyong babying you a lot
  • like is he your boyfriend or your mother?
  • i can see him just going over to your place and just cleaning stuff up
  • tbh you could buy him febreze as a gift for him and he would love it more than anything else you could ever give him
  • we all know taeyong would be the best boyfriend ever??
  • i mean he’s just so sweet, how could he not make a good boyfriend?
  • he would definitely cook all your favorite meals for you
  • 100% would buy gifts for you on no occasion just because he wants to treat you well 
  • so many hugs
  • taeyong would just shower you with love
  • taeyong is 1000000000000000% boyfriend material js

masterlist

Intuition {S.M}

requested// imagine from Shawn’s point of view where you are best friends with Shawn and his family says you are perfect for one another and he should do something about it

author’s note// all my imagines are going to crap idk if im gonna keep up with this page much longer

masterlist 

I loved her. I knew for a long time that I loved her, but for a good while I didn’t know if that was right. 

Okay, now before you call my crazy, just here me out. 

Haven’t you ever loved someone that you knew wasn’t the one for you? I know that sounds cringey and stupid, but you know what I’m talking about. That one person that you fell in love with, but they were so wrong for you, so unhealthy, even so mean to you, but you fell in love anyways. 

Well, I was convinced she was that for me. I thought she would never feel the same, and I thought that she would never love me the way that I loved her. I thought that she would always just see me as her best friend who was always just there. That’s what she was to me until the eighth grade, if we are being completely honest. We were at the school dance and I saw her in that cheap Macy’s dress with the beads falling off of it, and I thought she was so beautiful. She had been my best friend for like, five years, and I had never seen her like that. Now that’s the only way that I see her. 

And it’s been seven years now, I’m always on tour, and she was always with the kids she taught. She was a classroom assistant for fourth graders, she’ll be an actual teacher in a year. It’s kind of adorable. But we continue to be best friends. We continue to stay in touch even though she is in school and I’m almost never home. And I continue to harbor these absolutely disgusting feelings for her that she probably has no idea about. I’m pretty sure no one knew about them. 

The weird thing is, there weren’t even dating rumors about us. We had been seen in public together a few times, and photos surfaced, but it wasn’t ever,

“Shawn Mendes and mystery woman???????” 

Which baffled me to an extreme extent, but at the same time I’m glad. 

I’m rambling, aren’t I? 

Okay, so summary of the backstory before I get to the point:

I’ve been friends with her since third grade, been in love with her since eighth grade, she’s graduating college this year and I still haven’t told her how I feel, I do the pop star thing and we continue to be best friends, and I’m coming home for a month to take a break from tour and I’m seeing her tonight. 

Okay, let’s get on with it then!

“I’m excited to see you!” She beamed. I could tell through the phone. She was excited. I hadn’t seen her in person in six months, and I missed her more than words could say. 

“Me too!” I smiled, and I knew she could tell that I was. She just laughed a little, and I heard the line click off. I sighed and slipped the phone next to me as I placed my other hand back on the wheel. I was nervous to say the least, because I decided that seven years was long enough and tonight I would decide to tell her how I felt. 

Or maybe I wasn’t. 

I don’t know. 

But I do know who to ask. 

I pulled into my driveway, seeing the exact face I wanted to see. My sister, Aaliyah. I purposefully came home about an hour earlier than my parents get home, so I could talk to her before they got home. She sprinted to my car, waiting for it to come to a halt, and when it did, she ran over to the door waiting for me to open it, and when I did I thought she was going to cry when she jumped into my arms. 

“Shawn, oh my god!” She held on so tight as I let out a chuckle. She was happy to see me, I was guessing. I was always close with my sister. She always knew what was going on. She always knew what I was feeling, and she got it. Sometimes even when I didn’t tell her. “I missed you.” I squeezed just a little tighter, and  hoped she’d never have to let go, so I pushed the thought of having to leave soon out of my head. 

“Yeah? I missed you too kiddo, but I need your advice.” I pulled back, my sister doing the same. She smiled.

“I knew you would. Come on.” She started to go inside, and I followed her. I just left his suitcase in his truck, knowing he would be back out for it later. I walked up the familiar steps into my house, my black boots clonking on the wooden steps. “I’m pretty sure I already know too.” She mumbled, walking into the house, the scent of home washing over me. It almost hurt that I had been gone for so long. I loved this place with everything I am. I instantly walked into the kitchen, seeing that oh-so-familiar tin of blueberry muffins, grabbing one, and sitting at the bar. Aaliyah did the same, and as she sat down she let out a sigh. “What do you need my wise high school kid help with?” She bit into her muffin, obviously incredibly content. 

“Y/n…” I trailed off peeling the wrapping off of my muffin. God, I missed these. 

“You mean your future wife.” She stated non-nonchalantly. I almost choked on that muffin I shit you not. 

“What?” I coughed, trying to form words and get air into my lungs. 

“Shawn, come on. You love her. Jesus, everyone knows. It isn’t hard to tell. Even my friends know. Like seriously, you don’t hide it well. I’ll be surprised if she doesn’t know.” She paused, collecting her thoughts for a moment and it caused his stomach to drop about seven stories. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she felt the same way.” That was seventeen stories. 

“Really?” I choked out, not even trying to take another bite out of that muffin knowing I would probably die. 

“Yeah, really. In all honesty, you really should have gone and seen her first instead of waiting for six a clock tonight and just tell her what you’re feeling. You’ve been harboring these feelings for what? Five and a half years?” She stated, still engrossed in that muffin. 

“Actually seven but..” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Pretty sure she’s at work anyways…” I knew very well she wasn’t. I was honestly just trying to think up an excuse on to why I shouldn’t go over there. 

“Fat lie. Call her, tell her you’re coming over, and then go tell her how you feel.” My sister basically demanded. All of the things that could possibly go wrong, or go right even, ran through my head at about a million miles a minute. No, more like a second. She could say no, she could say that she didn’t want to ever talk to me again since she didn’t want to have to deal with my feelings. She could laugh at me. Or, she could feel the same. She could jump into my arms and we could live happily ever after. And I’d really like to see the outcome. 

“Aaliyah, I know I just got home, but I really have to do something.” She didn’t even say a word and I knew she was fine with it. I instantly got up from the bar and walked out of the door. My courage was rushing through my veins and I hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t just go away. I instantly got in my car, put the key in the ignition, and pulled out of the driveway. My blood was boiling over with anticipation and in that moment I was so incredibly grateful that her house was only five minutes away. Because I was pulling into her driveway before I could even give it a second thought. I took a deep breath, making sure not to think it through again before I hopped out of the car and out onto her driveway. I took long, fast strides up to her front door, and knocked. She had gotten a tiny house of her own, only one story since she hated the idea of an apartment so much. I looked at the white paint that was chipped, most likely from the previous owner. It seemed like forever and a half I was waiting until I heard that door creak open. I looked over, her long legs uncovered since she was only wearing some pajama shorts, her arms pressed against the door frame, those only covered up by a long sleeve purple t-shirt. 

“Hey, you’re early.” She laughed, and god, it was a heavenly sound. Her dark skin glowing in the early afternoon sunlight. “Wanna come in?” She asked. 

“No.” I shook my head. “I just have to say something and then I can leave or stay or whatever it is you want.” I took a deep breath again, and she nodded her head, as if telling me to get on it with already. She crossed her arms and waited. “Okay well, so like this may be creepy but i’m in love with you?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I am, and I have been for a while but I thought It’d just be better if you didn’t know but… But at this point it’s just sad and I wanted you to know I can leave now.” I instantly grew embarrassed and started to turn away, but I felt her hand wrap around my wrist and turn me around. 

“God, it took you long enough. I’ve only been waiting for you to tell me since what? Ninth grade?” She bit her lip and smiled at me. 

“Eighth grade, actually.”

author’s note// OH MY G O D ITS GROSS I HATE IT WHY DO I EVEN WRITE ANYMORE I NEED TO DIE NOT WRITE also i made the y/n a poc cause freaking every imagine is a white hoe and its sickening. cant wait to get triggered messages even tho theres literally oNE sentence about her being a poc!!!!! bye!!!

Waiting (Part Five)

So I almost took this chapter out because I wanted this fic to be all fluff and all Steve/Tony but I feel like we can’t talk about Steve without at least mentioning Buck, especially in this story, so hopefully it’s not too boring/doesn’t take away from the love story too much!!

ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS HERE

Enjoy :)

*****************
“This is weird, Tony.” Steve confessed, and Tony squeezed his hand a little tighter, leading him through the displays of the Smithsonian.

“We can leave if you want, I just thought you would like to see how we remember the team. My dad helped put this together, he and Aunt Peggy. You guys all played such a huge part in the war, they didn’t want you to be forgotten. Veterans weren’t as honored back then as they are now.” He turned into the huge room dedicated to the memories of the Howling Commandos and the missions they ran. “But Dad wanted to make sure you werent forgotten. Not you, not anyone.”

Steve’s throat closed up as he stared up at the life size figures of his team, at the carefully preserved uniforms and weapons on display in glass cases, the personal effects that had been donated by the families.

“This is Dugans.” He said, tracing over the familiar insignia on a jacket. “He never took it off, not even when we were home. Wanted all the ladies to know he was a soldier. Let all the old men buy him beers.”

“He never took it off after the war either.” Tony added with an affectionate smile. “He let me wear it one time, I was maybe six years old. He dropped it on me, laughed until he couldnt breathe over how big it was on me, then took it back. In fact, it was only a few years before he passed that he let Dad even put it in the exhibit. Wore it every day until then.”

“You knew him?” Steve asked in surprise, and Tony nodded.

“Oh yeah, I knew them all. Dad worked real close with Aunt Peggy for most of his life, and even after you disappeared, they all kept fighting. Uncle D was one of my favorites. Uncle Gabe too.”

“Gabriel Jones.” Steve smiled fondly. “There wasn’t a dame he couldn’t get. He spoke fluent French, did you know? Told me he only learned it because the French girls were prettier than the German girls.”

“Yeah.” Tony snorted a laugh. “First time he told me that story, that’s exactly the version I learned. As I got older, that version got more and more about the women and less and less about French. Uncle Gabe was a dog. Him and Jack-Jack used to trade stories in French and laugh so much about them that I learned French just to understand their jokes.” Tony shuddered dramatically. “They were all awful. All of those jokes were awful.”

“Jack Jack?” Steve repeated. “Jacques?”

“Four year olds can’t say Jacques.” Tony retorted primly.

“So you knew… all of them. They all survived. You grew up with them?” Steve sounded a little sad, a little jealous, and a lot lonely.

“Yep.” Tony looped their arms together comfortingly and moved him towards a display full of wartime propaganda, most of it featuring Steve as Captain America back when he was just the pretty boy performing with all the pretty ladies. “They were all around for a long time. All except you and…you and Sergeant Barnes.”

“Bucky.” Steve’s voice broke a little, coming to stand in front of the memorial dedicated to his best friend. “Why does it say that he—” he traced the letters uncertainly. “That he’s the only one not to come home?”

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Summary of Hamilton Songs
  • Alexander Hamilton: Yo I'm Alexander Hamilton and these are all the bitches I've fucked and/or fucked up
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: Let's see how many things rhyme with Burr (also BRRAAAAH BRRAAAAH)
  • My Shot: Hamilton's not throwing away his shot or the fucking mike like holy shit this song is good
  • The Story of Tonight: We are best buds and this song is in no way foreshadowing sad events what are you talking about lets have another round
  • The Schuyler Sisters: WERK BITCH
  • Farmer Refuted: Hamilton: "My dog speaks more eloquently" Everybody: "OOOOOHH!"
  • You'll Be Back: The king's an abusive boyfriend who can't let things go and is also really cute--DA DA DA DA DA
  • Right Hand Man: HERE COMES THE GENERAL MOTHERFUCKERS
  • A Winter's Ball: We're reliable wITH THE LADIES!!!
  • Helpless: Eliza is a cinnamon roll who needs her happy ending stfu
  • Satisfied: Angelica fucking wrecks it like holy shit this song will bring me back to life
  • The Story of Tonight Reprise: "She's married to a British officer" "Oh shit..."
  • Wait For It: And we all fall in love with Burr cuz he tears this shit up
  • Stay Alive: "I'm a general! WEEEEEEEEEE!!!" (And Hamilton will fight anyone like holy shit boy calm the fuck down)
  • Ten Duel Commandments: The awesome sounding counting game of fUCKING DEATH
  • Meet Me Inside: Hamilton gets called to the principals office
  • That Would Be Enough: Dude seriously Eliza just wants you to not fucking die like how hard is that
  • Guns and Ships: Just...I just can't...just listen to this one fucking french asshole give it all he's got
  • History Has Its Eyes On You: Basically Washington telling Hamilton not to fuck up
  • The World Turned Upside Down: America wins the war and this shit is intense (also "Immigrants, we get the job done")
  • What Comes Next: The king is still bitter--"AWESOME! WOW!"
  • Dear Theodosia: Dads and their kids make me cry every time also we see parallels between Burr and Hamilton like holy shit this is cool
  • Non-Stop: Hamilton slow down you're scaring ppl
  • What'd I Miss: Jefferson arrives 15 minutes late with Starbucks
  • Cabinet Battle #1: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
  • Take A Break: Ok am I the only one who notices the beat of nothing when the sisters are like "Angelica, Eliza...the Schuyler sisters" like where the fuck is Peggy is she dead i think she's dead holy shit NO
  • Say No To This: Hamilton you dumb fuck say no to this
  • ...also Maria can belt like you won't believe
  • The Room Where It Happens: Burr is done with everyone's shit (also this song is life)
  • Schuyler Defeated: Burr drops some major foreshadowing with "I swear your pride will be the death of us all"
  • Cabinet Battle #2: "...France"
  • Washington on Your Side: Hamilton better watch his back
  • "Southern motherfuckin' dEMOCRATIC-REPUBLICANS!" "OH"
  • One Last Time: Washington has had enough of everyone's shit and is going home (like seriously he's the smartest person in this play he leaves before shit hits the fan)
  • I Know Him: Oh King George! We were wondering how you were doing...still creepy?...ok moving on
  • The Adams Administration: "Sit down John, you fat motherFUCKER"
  • We Know: Hamilton fucks up and no one's surprised at this point (also I love the little "No one else was in the room where it happened" addition from Burr like it just rubs salt in the wound here for their "friendship")
  • Hurricane: More Hamilton backstory/Wait For It Reprise
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN I REPEAT SHIT HAS HIT THE GODDAM FAN (also Angelica: "I'm not here for you" Everyone: "Oooooohhh!")
  • Burn: Ok let me just say Lin-Manuel Miranda has done such a good job with Eliza's character like for someone who we don't know anything about history wise, he really brought her to life in ways that make me want to cry
  • Blow Us All Away Reprise: philip no
  • philip no
  • PHILIP NO (also ha ha ha with the name of the song ha ha ha I'm laughing so hard I'm crying)
  • Stay Alive Reprise: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
  • It's Quiet Uptown: I'm dead there's no god there's no light at the end of the tunnel everything's helpless and there are tears flooding my cheeks
  • The Election of 1800: Everyone is thirsting after Hamilton like leave the man alone at this point dear god
  • Your Obedient Servant: Burr and Hamilton are passive aggressive af
  • Best of Wives and Best of Women: I HOPE HAMILTON REALIZES HOW LUCKY HE IS TO HAVE ELIZA HOLY FUCK IM SO PISSED
  • The World Was Wide Enough: Reason for my death: Burr's "Wait!" when he shoots (and dear god I hope someone learns something from this like sometimes a fight isn't worth everything please I'm begging you learn to forgive)
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: Eliza I'm so proud of you and I hope you find happiness in the end because I FUCKING DIDN'T THIS SHIT HAS ME BAWLING MY EYES OUT
  • ...time to listen to it all over again

God look at that quality header. Graphic design is my passion.

Intro:

Skam is BACK and this time I get to watch from the first clip! Fandom has been in uproar and I have so many feelings and opinions I’ve been coming apart at the seams. A lot of polarising opinions, questions, concerns, outrage. Not to mention the totally anticipated yet still alarming racism and islamophobia considering our main is a POC Muslim girl this time around.

So I thought I’d take the time to collate all my thoughts and feelings into a daily/weekly breakdown for each episode! I try to be as subjective and clear headed as possible while watching this show and take in the messages, lessons and information Julie Andem et al are providing. Forgive me if I happen to project a little or get wild in my enthusiasm as a muslim growing up europe this season is so #relatable I’ve been shook since the second we got the trailer and still in a state of disbelief that this is actually happening. So as someone very invested I thought why not share my two cents with the class.


Disclaimer: Everything here is my personal thoughts and opinions. They do not represent the views of all Muslims or POC. It’s just my own take on the show.


Im gonna try doing this Day by Day depending on the lengths ( this gets wordy I don’t shut up I’m Sorry)

Breakdown 1 >> Next

Monday 10.04.17 1:28

Okay here we are the famous opening scene. In true Skam fashion we see Sana on the train watching the streets of what i assume is Oslo go by, intersped with images relevant to the main themes of this season. Trump, images of war in what could be syria or palestine ( don’t quote me on that I honestly couldn’t tell you which), the hijabi mascot of the women’s march, the french beach hijabi lady indcedent, images of the army and missiles firing. Right off the bat they ain’t fucking around.

The street ad of two women in bikini’s which Robyn sings “All of these girls a mess I’ve seen it all before I’m not impressed” Sana watches all of this impassively, dare I say haughty even. That is until she finds herself staring at a bunch of dudebros have an ab contest in the street. Sana is human and she stares. Robyn insists “None of them make me feel anything” in direct conflict with what we see cause Sana’s expression is intrigued, appreciative even, shes smirking. That is until she startled out of it by the Azaan for Zuhr going off on her phone.

Hello Relatable AF moment #1 ( honestly why am I counting there’s already a million)

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anonymous asked:

RFA + V finds out ur a really good singer?

707

  • You guys are super open about everything, so he didn’t really think there was anything about you that could surprise him
  • but one day while you were gaming with him, someone on the voice channel started playing Britney Spears and you got super into it 
  • singing, dancing, imitating her facial expressions
  • the whole shebang
  • he thinks it’s hilarious that you’re so into it
  • but
  • holy shit???? why do you sound so good???
  • like, you’re goofing around, so why does your voice sound so pretty????
  • after the song is over he just kinda looks at you
  • “since when can you sing???”
  • he’s not really all that surprised because he thinks you’re great at everything but it was still sort of a shock to him
  • you’ve gotten really comfortable singing around him and you do it all the time now
  • in the shower, fixing lunch, in the car
  • and he just sort of smiles whenever he hears you 
  • because you’re just so amazing how the heck did he manage to date you
  • why did you agree to date him
  • like, the only talent he has is having a really strong prescription for his glasses
  • and you have enough talent to cover 20 people
  • it just makes him really happy because he loves you and you’re great


Jumin

  • basically, you had a little bit too much wine while you were waiting for him to get home
  • y’know, it was one of those nights where he had to stay back to finish up a project
  • usually you’ll pour yourself a glass of wine and wait for him, but you sort of went overboard
  • he comes home after what might have been your fourth glass, but that didn’t mean much because you weren’t really paying attention to how much counted as “one glass” 
  • you just kinda poured wine until it felt right
  • this poor guy
  • you’re laying on the floor with Elizabeth 3rd in your arms
  • she’s not having fun, but it’s quite obvious that you are
  • you’re singing her a lullaby, and every time she lets out a displeased meow you just start laughing
  • it’s really strange because your words are slurred and you don’t really know what you’re saying, but you still sound pretty decent
  • “Okay. Honey, let Elizabeth go. Let’s get you to bed”
  • “But Jumin I was singing her a lullaby. What if she can’t sleep now??”
  • “She’ll be able to sleep just fine but I would absolutely love if you sang me a lullaby.”
  • your eyes light up and you just kinda stare at him and immediately push yourself up to walk with him to the bedroom
  • Elizabeth fucking books it
  • Jumin hadn’t planned on actually falling asleep but you’re playing with his hair and singing in your sweet little voice, he just can’t resist
  • He starts dozing off, but he hears you go silent and it makes him a little bit sad that your voice wasn’t the last thing he got to experience before he fell asleep
  • but he just sorta cuddles you until he falls asleep
  • he doesn’t mention it until a week later when he’s stressed tf out
  • he thinks that your voice might soothe him
  • he was right


Yoosung

  • Okay so how it happens is he catches you singing in the shower
  • you usually shower while he’s at class so you never have to worry, but his last class of the day got canceled so he’s home early of course
  • so he throws his bag to the ground and walks to the bathroom to do his after-school-business 
  • and he’s all “o she must be listening to the radio while she’s in the shower omg that’s so cute!”
  • but when he opens the door he doesn’t hear any actual music
  • just you singing
  • the poor boy is in awe
  • like, omg he never knew
  • he just sort of stands there in the doorway listening to you sing whatever disney princess song popped into your head until you turn the water off
  • then he starts panicking because “did she not want me to know?? I just listened to her take a shower, that’s so creepy! I’m creepy!”
  • But then when you walk out and see him standing there, your face just goes pale
  • actually, first you almost fall because holy shit theres someone in the bathroom
  • oh wait its just Yoosung how’d he get in here
  • he just sorta walked out, so you were a little scared that he thought you were bad, but later that night while he was cooking dinner you asked him why he wasn’t listening to music like usual
  • he wanted you to sing for him and be his music while he cooked omg
  • you were still sorta nervous so you suggested turning on some music and said that you might sing along if you were feeling it
  • he still won’t stop telling you how beautiful your singing voice is
  • like seriously every time he hears you even humming he gets so excited
  • and every time he gets the chance to encourage you to sing, he does
  • it’s so cute, he’s just completely blown away every time you sing
  • this kid is so in love with you it’s unreal


Jaehee

  • you guys usually go do something fun on the weekends
  • even when there’s no actual plans, you’ll at least go to the park or go see a movie or something
  • but at 2 pm on this particular Saturday, neither of you had the will to even put real pants on
  • so you both just sort of sat on the couch in your undies while you flipped through the TV
  • one of the channels was doing a “throwback to the 90′s” thing where they play all the top songs from the 90′s
  • “oh my god Jaehee I loved Justin Timberlake SO much”
  • basically, you end up downloading like five albums and its strictly NSYNC and Backstreet Boys
  • you both remember almost all the words
  • it turns into a “sing to your heart’s content and talk about your 90′s celebrity crushes” event
  • she notices halfway through that you actually sound really good
  • like, it doesn’t really take a lot to sing these songs well, but you just sound really nice.
  • so afterwords, she puts in the DVD of your favorite of Zen’s musicals and she’s singing some of the parts, encouraging you to sing as well because it actually takes some effort to sound good while singing these songs
  • oh my god
  • you sound great
  • why didn’t she know before??
  • you guys sing along to these musicals all the time, how had she not noticed????
  • now she just pays a lot more attention to when you sing because she really likes hearing it
  • she thinks you’re better than Zen


Zen

  • somehow, he got you totally hooked on broadway musicals
  • like, that’s all you listen to now
  • you haven’t heard an actual current song in months because you’re still listening to Chicago
  • you’ve never wanted to sing in front of him because he’s so good and that’s just so intimidating
  • but you’re goofing around one day singing to “Popular” from Wicked
  • you’re being totally dramatic and goofy, playing with his hair and feigning disgust with him on certain lines
  • and then when that song’s over, you’re feeling hyped so you just keep going
  • you guys end up singing duets and its just really cute
  • but he’s so surprised
  • “I’m literally a musical actor why the hell didn’t you tell me you can sing?”
  • he ends up wanting you to audition for musicals with him
  • you’re totally against it for months but you figure that if he thinks you’re good, that definitely means a lot
  • he actually manages to convince you to audition for Heathers at your local theatre
  • but on the way to the audition you get super anxious and shaky
  • “Zen I can’t do this take me back home”
  • “babe you’re fine” 
  • “I have such bad stage fright I don’t know how I managed to overlook that. I’m not doing this”
  • he insists that they’ll love you and you should just do it
  • but then he thinks you’re about to cry so he takes you home and doesn’t try to push it again
  • he likes to get you on snapchat sometimes though and put it on his story because his fans compliment you and he really wants to boost your confidence
  • he still wants you to be in a play with him but he’s chill with taking baby steps


V

  • You’d heard him listening to classical and opera a couple times, but you couldn’t really get into it
  • When the two of you hung out, you’d usually listen to something a little more modern, but there were a few opera-ish songs that you enjoyed
  • you didn’t really know what they were saying, but you recognized  the songs whenever you heard them
  • one day you get in the shower and you forget to change the music before you hop in 
  • omg it’s that one song you know
  • you kinda hum along. it  makes you feel a little dramatic as you shave your legs
  • V accidentally left his phone in the bedroom, so he comes to get it, but he laughs when he hears you mimicking the song
  • you hit one of the notes
  • y’know those notes where it sounds so pretty but they’re just so damn hard to sing??
  • yeah, you do that PERFECTLY
  • you hold the note and then you just kinda stand there for a second, majorly impressed with yourself
  • he’s equally impressed, if not more so
  • “holy shit, how did I even do that??”
  • he laughs again and you hear him that time
  • you’re so embarrassed, like,
  • can you drown in half an inch of water on the shower floor?? lets find out
  • he just sort of bombards you with compliments on your voice for the rest of the week
  • but then he lets everyone know in the RFA chat 
  • now you have everyone begging you to show them
  • every time V brings it up you die a little bit 
Week With The Suggs

“Oh. Hello.” I blink in surprise at Joe as he swings open the front door, “I didn’t realize you had been invited too.”

“Lovely to see you as well, Y/N!” He laughs, moving to the side so I can walk through.

“Sorry,” I wince, turning to face him after I drop my bag to the floor. “That was pretty bad, wasn’t it?”

“No, no. It’s just clear you don’t want to see me. I get it.” Joe mock pouts at me.

“Don’t be mean!” I laugh, pulling him into a hug. “I did miss you.” I mumble into his shoulder, relaxing into the embrace briefly before we pull apart. “I just hadn’t realized that I would get to see both Suggs!”

“Aren’t you lucky then!” He throws an arm over my shoulder, and I fight the blush that tries to appear on my cheeks as he leads me into the living room. “Zoe, Y/N’s here!”

“Yay!” The other Sugg jumps off the couch, pulling me into a tight hug. “I’m so excited! This week is going to be so much fun!” Zoe takes my hand in hers and pulls me into the kitchen, where I crouch down to say hello to Nala.

“Thanks for the heads up about Joe, by the way.” I roll my eyes up at Zoe.

“Oh, did I not mention he’d be staying for the week too?” She shoots me an innocent look, but I still see the sparkle in her eye.

Zoe was one of the only people to know of my crush on Joe, and now I was stuck being around him for an entire week. Well, maybe stuck wasn’t the right word.

“Cheers, Zo.” I stick my tongue out at her before looking back down at Nala who wiggles closer to me wanting attention.

“Calm down, it’ll be fun. And who knows what will happen!”


“What’s happening now?” Alfie comments as he and Joe join us. “Ello, Y/N. Alright?”

“Yeah, thanks. And nothings happening. Your girlfriend was just telling me how much fun this week will be, thats all.” I shoot her a look, and she shakes her head at me.

“Alan!” Joe plops onto the floor next to me, exciting the black pug.

“Her name is Nala, Joe.” Zoe and I chime in together, giggling after Joe stares at us with wide eyes.

“That’s just creepy.” He mumbles, continuing to play with Nala.

“So, do you want to film a video tonight? Or tomorrow? I was thinking of reacting to home videos, this time with you. Since you do feature in quite a few of them.” Zoe questions as i stand up, moving to lean against the counter.

“And by quite a few, she means most of them. I forgot how much we saw each other when we were younger.” Joe comments, his attention having moved on to the guinea pigs.

“Which is why its so weird that we can go so long without seeing each other.” I sigh, “But I’m fine with whenever. Do you have them loaded up for tonight? Or should we just wait until tomorrow?”

“Let’s do tomorrow.” Joe groans.

“Tomorrow would be better anyways, because we have to do a food shop if we have two more people staying with us this week.” Alfie joins in the conversation, resting his chin on Zoe’s shoulder. I smile as I watch them interact, loving the simplicity of their relationship, but also wishing I had that.

“Sounds good to me.” Zoe replies, turning her head to kiss Alfie on the cheek.

“Gross. Stop being all couple like.”

“You’re just jealous you haven’t got a girlfriend, Joe.”

“Cheers for pointing that out, mate.” Joe finally stands from the floor, crossing the room to stand beside me. “And at least I have Y/N this week, won’t be stuck with the married couple.” He pulls me into a side hug, and I automatically wrap my arms around his waist.

“We’ll just use them for their house and eat their food.”

“Exactly. See, she gets me.”

“Maybe she should be your girlfriend, then.” Alfie grins, and I turn my face into Joe’s shoulder to hide my red face.

“Nah, Y/N wouldn’t want to date me.” Joe says, but I can hear something off in his voice. I ignore it though, and switch the conversation.

“Shall we go food shopping?”


The rest of the week flies by. We film a couple of videos together for all their YouTube channels, eat too much food, and laugh way too much.

The one thing I notice is how Joe acts.

We’d always been very comfortable with each other, and there tended to be touching and cuddling before hand on occasion, but throughout the week it was different somehow.

It felt more intimate, and there had been a couple of nights where I’d woken up on the couch the room dark, a blanket thrown over us, our legs tangled together.

I wasn’t complaining, but it was confusing for me with my feelings. I had wanted this with Joe, but was worried he was just toying with my emotions.

It was the last night at the Zalfie household, and I was sat in the backyard looking up at the stars, enjoying a moment to myself.

I heard the door open and close before a body sat beside me. Joe was sat so close, the sides of our bodies pressed against one another.

“Hi.” He spoke softly, his hand finding mine in the dark, our fingers lacing together.

“Hi.” I reply, keeping my eyes on the sky above me.

“You alright?”

I turn to look at him, concern shining in the blue eyes I had fallen so hard for. I smile and give his hand a squeeze.

“I’m fine. Why?” He shrugs, but doesn’t break our eye contact.

“You’ve been quiet today. Was worried.”

“Just sad that our week is over. I missed you guys, and I hate that we went so long without seeing each other.”

“We still talk all the time.”

“I know that, but I do like seeing you in person, you realize that, right?” I tease him.

“I missed you too.” Joe says instead. “I hadn’t noticed how much though until I opened the door and saw you standing there.”

“Are you alright?” I turn his original question on him, biting my lip.

“Just been thinking this week, that’s all.”

“That’s dangerous.”

“Shush, this is serious.”

“Sorry. What have you been thinking about?” I rest my head on his shoulder, gazing across the dark garden of the Zalfie household.

“You. Me. Us.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“What about us?”

“Do you…” Joe pauses, and I feel him take in a breath. “Do you wonder what it’d be like, if we were like Zoe and Alfie?”

“Like them, how…like, together?” I can feel my heart start to race at his words.

“Like together.” He echoes. I lift my head, meeting his stare again.

“Joe, just say what you want to say. Please.”

“I like you.”

“I like you too.” Joe rolls his eyes at my response, but theres a small smile on his lips.

“Don’t be daft. You know what I mean.”

“Do I?”

Letting out a frustrated sigh, he leans forward and kisses me, just a short and sweet one.

“Oooh, that’s what you mean.” I smile, leaning in closer to him. “I meant it though, Joe. I like you too. A lot.”

“Good.” He rests his forehead against mine, and I close my eyes. “I don’t want to go so long without seeing you again, Y/N.”

“Then let’s change that.”

“How about we start with a date?” Joe mumbles, his lips brushing against mine.

“Sound perfect to me.” I reply before we kiss again.

zemlja-hrvata  asked:

So rumor has it that there's peculiar island of dolls somewhere in your place, supposedly a tourist attraction. Ever been there?

Oh sweetie, it’s not a rumor.
La Isla de las muñecas, or in english The island of the dolls is REAL.
and it’s a very creepy place. So scary, it’s been said as the creepiest place in the world. And it’s placed in Mexico City, to be exact in the south quadrant, around 20 km away, in a super famous ecological area with a lake named “Xochimilco” .

It’s pretty ironic that such beautiful place filled with flowers and nature can hide a place where it’s said, shelters a big curse.

But to answer your question…

So, what is exactly the island of the dolls? Well, practically and to be objective it’s an artificial island floating around Xochimilco’s lake that is filled with obscure looking and sad decaying dolls. They’re everywhere.
Hanged in the trees, on the ground, wooden fence posts or hanging from clotheslines.

The site was once owned by a local man, named  Julián Santana, The legend says that he lost his baby daughter when his wife was washing the clothing on the lakeside. And that he started to collect the dolls to keep the soul of her daughter with him, and wherever she was, she could see she was never forgotten.


Others, on the other hand, say that Don Julián saw the ghost of a small drowned girl  sticking out of the lake, Don Julián got so scared he started to collect dolls and hung them around to protect himself. 
Don Julián gathered them from the trash, and other times, people gave some to him. he kept doing this for over 50 years. until the whole island was covered in its whole with creepy dirty dolls. 

“ Mexico city is really terrified whenever we go to the island. He really gets nervous around all these dolls. “

Now, as if the whole story wasn’t interesting by itself. There are a lot of beliefs around this Island. For example, Don Anastacio, Mr. Santana’s cousin that is now the proprietor of the Island says that at night, these dolls come alive, moving their heads and whispering.

There are some real experiences from this land, for example, many tourists say that they felt or heard something strange while they were there.

One of the golden rules is that you should never touch or move them from their place, Even more..you should NEVER take one of the dolls off the island, because it’s said that they’ll go against you until you return them to their home.


Few years ago, a group of teenagers came to the island and one of them took with her one of the dolls. She asserts that the doll cursed her, and that she was followed by this strange little fella.

Another real and spooky situation that involved this mysterious island was another group of teenagers that, once in the island decided to play around scarying each other. However none of them dared to touch or move any of the dolls, none except one who decided to scare his friends by jumping off a tree and screaming with the doll covering his face.
Later, when they left Xochimilco…they had an awful car accident, and the boy who touched the dolls, died.

Xochimilco is a really magic place where History, Culture, nature and mysticism mixes, it’s not only a place that holds cultural importance for Mexicans, it’s not only because it’s the place of La Llorona and the Island of the dolls.
Xochimilco is also, Mexico City’s lungs and holds a monumental importance for biodiversity, filled with species that only exist in this small spot of this giant city.
A place you must never lose the opportunity to visit!

anonymous asked:

the fallout lore is a bit too rich for me to make much sense of it but youre a nerd so i wanna ask; how does accents work in fallout? how can cait be the only one with an irish accent and how do the bobrov brothers also have an accent? there's a ship with norweigan speaking ghouls but they were there before the war. if cait and the bobrovs werent born in america, did they travel there? how did they develop/keep an accent in america?

Dude, this is one of the parts of the new Fallout game I hate the most.

I asked myself the exact same question too. I can somewhat understand, or rather accept, Cait, but the Bobrov brothers, along with Arturo, by the way, make no sense. Unless they came from a vault that was filled with immigrants, I see no possible scenario in which random Commonwealth citizens can have such a strong accent.

Fallout 4, in my memory, is the first game that introduced characters that look legitimately foreign .We had Tempenny in Fallout 3, but guess what, he was actually explained - we knew where he came from, we knew about his background. Fallout 4′s characters are just there, and we, as players, apparently are expected to blindly accept it without asking too many questions.Not like you and I right now. There was clearly no intention to tell us about the Bobrovs’ story, there was no indication that the writers meant it as anything but the reinforcement of the famous stereotype of the vodka drinking Russians. Everyone knows about it, it’s funny - why not make two dudes with Russian accent our bartenders?

If you want to know my opinion, I think this is how accents in Fallout’s universe work from now on.

I heard that there was a character from FNV that had a New Zealand accent - a member of the Great Khans. Which I wouldn’t attribute to anything either, I suppose it was just a voice actor Obsidian hired without thinking much about his accent. And I, personally, probably didn’t even hear it, as someone born in a country that doesn’t have English as an official language. But the Bobrovs, Arturo, Cait - they stick out, and everyone notices them. You may probably complete the game without speaking to the Khan once (hell, I personally, don’t remember him at all), but you will hardly miss any on the aforementioned characters. So my conclusion? It’s bullshit. I’m sorry, I know it’s not what you were hoping to hear, but that’s honestly the only thing I can say. It serves the same purpose cats in Fallout 4 do: disrespecting the lore, fan service and sloppy attempts at making the game more enjoyable.

And the cats? Since they are supposed to be extinct in Fallout’s universe, they probably ran away from a vault as well. Maybe Vault 81 was trading with the surface and ended up breeding cats to sale them to the wastelanders. And at some point, the population of cats obviously got out of hand. Again, there is no explanation for the cats randomly reappearing in Fallout 4, even though I, personally, find that this is kind of a big deal. When you change lore details, that have been there since 1997, you don’t ignore it and act as if the original lore never existed at all.

So, cats are from a vault. And so are probably Arturo and the Bobrovs. That, or they came from another country. Imagine the Bobrovs winding up at the West Coast and, instead of staying in a far more hospitable NCR, or just staying wherever they ended up, choosing to cross the country and settle in Boston. For some reason. And Arturo? So what, he left Mexico, and, instead of staying in a far more hospitable NCR, or New Vegas, chose to cross the country, enter Legion territory - just to settle in  Boston?? Or I don’t know, maybe they are synths. With foreign accents added to their matrix. Why not.

See, if the Bobrovs aren’t first generation “migrants”, they can’t possibly talk in such a way. If their parents came from somewhere, either vault or Russia, and talked in a broken English, the children surely learned the Russian language, but they also lived among “American” citizens and learned a normal, fluent English. They wouldn’t have an accent.

Or they are doing it for shits ‘n giggles, just to have fun.

I don’t even know where to begin with Cait. She’s obviously not from a vault. Probably a secluded, creepy farm with three people living there, namely Cait and her parents. That way she wouldn’t have a chance to learn any other accent, but the Irish one. Where her parents came from though? I wouldn’t know.

The supermutants form Fallout 3 were lore-breaking as well: supermutants aren’t supposed to roam the East Coast at all. But Bethesda actually explained it by creating a Vault 87, so it was acceptable, even if a bit irritating. But now, in Fallout 4, they opted out of making any attempts at explanation at all. Why do supermutants exists in the Commonwealth? Did they come from the Capital Wasteland? Now, how is that even possible? I’m not doubting that they are strong enough to cross the country and find Boston, I’m doubting that the Capital Wasteland has the NUMBERS to provide TWO wastelands with a supermutants army. It was one freaking vault! The Institute? But the Institute has been experimenting with FEV only for 10 years, and supermutants obiviously have been living there for a long time now. So, how come that the Commonwealth is filled with them? Actually, how did the Institute get their FEV samples? This is something I’ve been thinking about as well, and it asks for a separate, long post.

This response turned into a very long rant. I am sorry, dear anon, but I can’t give you an answer that would be at least somewhat satisfying. The most we can do is use headcanons and try to close the massive lore breaches with them. This whole thing makes me sad and angry, but it is what it is…

Joel (Vinesauce) Sentence Meme
  • : --|) Send one and see how my muse reacts!
  • --> [ WINDOWS XP DESTRUCTION ] <--
  • "It's a little old, ____."
  • "He has like, spikes too, right?"
  • "God, I can't stand it, even ironically."
  • "The trick is to just spam it."
  • "IT'S LOOKING GOOD."
  • "NAKED LADIES?! WHAT?!"
  • "Oh god, my poor computer..."
  • "How about... Expand Dong?"
  • "I'll show you all the bestality porn to corrupt you."
  • "This is like the olden days of ____, where you just _____."
  • "Now we got that we gotta add some WACKY EFFECTS."
  • "Safe installer? Probably the safest installer in the world."
  • "Still up after all these years, what the hell..."
  • "THE JAMMINEST."
  • "And my friend with no talent, he would always ____."
  • "WHOSE BEEN DRAWING DICKS?"
  • "Kup teraz!"
  • "More like my credit card information."
  • "Love the sound of that."
  • "It's like it's a nuke about to blow off and we're sitting here at the safe distance."
  • --> [ CORPSE IN THE FRIDGE ] <--
  • "BRONY JOKE."
  • "With my wah."
  • "I don't care what anyone else thinks, I think you're hot."
  • "MOCK APPEARANCE?"
  • "Oh goddamn, you're ugly."
  • "You've got some issues, and I'm not sticking around to deal with them."
  • "Don't insult him, he's a god of shapeshifting."
  • "No, not in the toilet."
  • "HELP."
  • "Sick moves."
  • "Aw, what the hell...."
  • "Morning ritual - take a shit in the bush."
  • "I made him into a vegetable, man!"
  • "I JUST WANT SOME FUCKIN' JUICE."
  • "Goddamnit, ____, not again! You smug piece of poop."
  • "I am crying so bad."
  • "A moment like this needs music like this."
  • --> [ POKEDRAW ] <--
  • "Alright. I know the ____ really good."
  • "You know this is gonna be a fuckin' disaster."
  • "Lil' wink."
  • "How do I make him blue fast?!"
  • "Swiggity swooty, I am comin' for the booty."
  • "They are born with pants. These pants are flesh."
  • "BOO. BOOOO. SPOOKY HOUSE MOTHERFUCKER."
  • "Fucking great. Fuckin' ace."
  • "Lookit him. Give him some rose tinted fifties cheeks."
  • "Oh great. More horses."
  • "BEES. ....I hate bees."
  • "Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog?"
  • "This got grim so quick."
  • "How's he sitting?"
  • "Juicy."
  • "He looks like Dracula now."
  • "I'm gonna blow your mind."
  • "Somebody glued a Wheetabix to the cat."
  • "He looks like a cinnamon bun!!"
  • "This guy's goin' to work!"
  • "I can do this!"
  • "I tried. That's a bootleg ____ if I ever saw one."
  • "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home."
  • "He's got MIND BULLETS."
  • "This is not Zubat. It's AAAAAAAAGAAGHAGGHAHGA."
  • "This is totally the worst ever."
  • "Now we're stuck with... THIS!"
  • "Why did I put a dead skeleton on my face?!"
  • "Ugh, more birds."
  • "Everytime you hug them, it's a face full of spikes. Edgelord."
  • --> [ WINDOWS 7 DESTRUCTION ] <--
  • "What is technology?!"
  • "It's magic, ___, it's magic."
  • "It looks like a plate of oatmeal."
  • "This child has no idea what she's doing."
  • "I will change this for the better!"
  • "This doesn't look fishy at all."
  • "Oh my god guys. This comment section is from fake people."
  • "To make idiots think it's safe!"
  • "I DIDN'T DO THAT!!!"
  • "That's the most honest name for something. ____ Blaster. You will have nothing left."
  • "When I was 11 years old, I had a desktop stripper."
  • "The worst part, I couldn't get it off my ____, so I had to ask my dad to help me."
  • "Yes, I WANT THE GUN. GIMME THE GUN."
  • "Please, give me Jesus!"
  • "THE POPE! THE POPE!"
  • "IT EVEN SCROLLS!!"
  • "Oh, my sweet Jesus... There's Jesus."
  • "OH, THERE'S A BURNING SUPERDEATH SWORD!!!"
  • "Nothing says this's more welcome than a creepy smiley repeatedly jamming a welcome sign into his crotch."
  • "Don't stop, keep injecting me those smilies."
  • "I dunno what he's doing, but that cannot be a good way to live your life."
  • "It pains me to do this, and it will be the only one ever."
  • "This is a worse idea than the time I drank a martini with my eye, I legit did that once."
  • "I thought that everything was fine. But no. No no no no no."
  • "Animated Christmas Tree For Desktop?! Yes!"
  • "Look at it! It's the worst thing ever!"
  • "THERE'S SO MUCH SHIT ON THE SCREEN I CAN'T EVEN SEE."
  • "I blame you! You did this, you did this!"
  • "THIRTY?! ONE IS NOT ENOUGH!?!"
  • "Two hundred dollars?! For a MIDI?!"
  • "It sounds like farting in a bathtub. BLEUB."
  • "This is the worst image."
  • --> [ BREAKING ALIEN ISOLATION ] <--
  • "Pretty leggums."
  • "What if you have a bad dream in hypersleep and you can't wake up?"
  • "What is that?! That's the face of a strangle murderer!"
  • "Hey, we can do this. Hey, we can do this."
  • "GO FOR THE GOLD! .....FUCK."
  • "Guys, it's a spooky ghost in the vents! Go away!"
  • "Save me, Pochahontas! Save me!"
  • "Alien, please pry me off this thing."
  • "What're you waiting for! DO IT NOW!"
  • "Come on, I dare you!"
  • "'Advanced AI is unparalleled', my ass."
  • "Space poosy."
  • "He chucked a fuckin' traffic cone at me!"
  • "I see London, I see France, I see a dumbshit alienpants."
  • "Ok, drink up."
  • "Fuck you, karma."
  • "This guy's badly programmed. Like a bootleg OS."
  • "It's jazz, but in space!"
  • --> [ INSANE MARIO BOOTLEGS ] <--
  • "So uh, what exactly is this?"
  • "I'm afraid there's gonna be boobs."
  • "IS THAT JARJAR BINKS?!"
  • "What the shit is this!?!"
  • "Why is one of those Russian castles being pulled apart; what the fuck?"
  • "Hide in shame."
  • "GRAND DAD. FLINTSTONES?!"
  • "Oh, dios mio."
  • "Nah, screw it."
  • "What in mother Mary's name is this?"
  • "Why am I doing like this twerk-a-thon?"
  • "Am I a furry?"
  • "Shameful. Shame on you."
  • "Pronounce this."
  • "You know what seals the deal for me? When shit's got that rainbow tint to it..."
  • "Ohhhh... That's SONIC."
  • "Wait a minute, that music...."
  • "Woooooow."
  • "Let's see how they did this."
  • "That's just being so illiterate it's beyond anything else."
  • "Good face there, _____."
  • "It's Windows 2000...."
  • "What we have here is an enigma."
  • "Play it, maestro."
  • --> [ LINK THE MURDERER ] <--
  • "Is that a tinted mustache?!"
  • "What are you fuckin' wearing?"
  • "Yeah. Yeah! Yeah!!"
  • "This music is not helping at all."
  • "Let's see how big you can go."
  • "You know those advertisements on the internet that're like, 'try this new cure; I did and I got RIIIIIIIIIPPED'."
  • "PLEASE NEVER TALK AGAIN."
  • "Chest break?! Crack neck? Holy shit."
  • "Knock him out with a punch."
  • "Why are you having a conversation? He just went down cold."
  • "OH SHIT, 'E DIED."
  • "Go home. GO HOME."
  • "That's all I need, baby."
  • "Replace your sadness with piss."
  • "Can I body slam a BABY?!"
  • "Let's order a pizza."
  • "Nothing tastes as good as... Toilet joint pizza ghost party."
  • "Ghost... You want some pizza?"
  • "Oh no, what exactly is this?"
  • "I killed death. I killed a concept."
  • "Great. I've killed so many people that they blend into society now."
  • "That's just the weak leaving your body."
  • "I'm too busy to care. Fire? Whatever."
  • "The brain, brain, brain, brain, bRAIN."
  • "I'll be having children's tears on the rocks."
  • --> [ BEST OF DOS ] <--
  • "NAILED IT!"
  • "What's the worst that could happen?"
  • "I believe my patient is balls high."
  • "It's not brain surgery, but it is surgery."
  • "Strange, I've never seen a doctor operate with his bare hands before."
  • "How fucking dare you, alright?"
  • "I am back... for MORE."
  • "To understand surgery, you must also understand flesh."
  • "SATAAAAN. YAAAS. YAAAAAS. YAAAAAAAAAS."
  • "It's like crayons, but with more gore."
  • "I was a surgeon, but now I CAN FLY."
  • "HIGHWAAAY TO THE DANGER ZOOONE."
  • "The MIDI zone."
  • "Light the pipeweed."
  • "Put pipeweed in Frodo."
  • "YeeeAAAAH. YEAH. YEAH."
  • "I killed him 'cause he was hogging the bong!"
Working Late Shifts
  • Phone: *rings*
  • Clerk: Hello, this is Better Books. How can I help you today?
  • Phone: *static* Greetings, madame. *static* I interest you *static* product *static*
  • Clerk: Hello? I can't make out what you're saying.
  • Phone: *static*
  • Clerk: *hangs up*
  • Manager: Who called?
  • Clerk: I don't know. The line was staticky.
  • Manager: Whatever, I need you to work closing shift tonight.
  • Clerk: Isn't Jen closing tonight?
  • Manager: She can't, she got caught in a pile-up.
  • Clerk: Oh gosh, is she okay?
  • Manager: She's fine but her car is wrecked.
  • Clerk: That sucks, but I don't know if I can work closing tonight.
  • Manager: Okay, then you're fired.
  • Clerk: What!?
  • Manager: I'm going to give this to you straight, you're not a reliable employee. You've missed a ton work, you leave early without warning, and you exceeded your no-call, no-show limit. Anyone else would've fired you by now, but I'm a nice guy, so I'm giving you a choice: either you close tonight, or you lose your job.
  • Clerk: Fine, I'll close.
  • Manager: Good.
  • Clerk: *under breath* asshole.
  • *hours later*
  • Clerk: Fuck, this is so boring. Why does a book store still even exist in 2016?
  • *door jingles*
  • Creepy Guy: *walks in* Evening!
  • Clerk: Hello. Is there anything I can help you with?
  • Creepy Guy: Just browsing, dear.
  • Clerk: Okay. I'm here if you need anything.
  • Phone: *rings*
  • Clerk: Hello, this is Better Books. How can I help you tonight?
  • Phone: Now this thing decides to work! Sorry for the issues we had earlier this afternoon, madame.
  • Clerk: Hmm?
  • Phone: You sound like a much more charming young woman without all of the interference, if I say so myself. Oh, is that not work appropriate! Sorry! You can't tell with all of these new workplace regulations these days. Hahahaha!
  • Clerk: Sir, do you need something?
  • Phone: Yes, I need just a brief moment of your time. You see, I'm selling quite the product and I believe that a wonderful young lady such as yourself would have a lot to benefit from it.
  • Clerk: Sorry, we're not interested.
  • Phone: Wait just one mome-
  • Clerk: *hangs up*
  • Creepy Guy: *leans over store counter* Hey.
  • Clerk: Oh! Sorry, I didn't notice you. Is there anything I can help you with?
  • Creepy Guy: *smiles* No, I'm still just browsing.
  • Clerk: Okay.
  • Creepy Guy: What are you doing after work?
  • Clerk: Uhh, going home.
  • Creepy Guy: Need a ride?
  • Clerk: No, I walk. Are you interested in buying any books today?
  • Creepy Guy: Maybe. I just like to talk to my fellow readers. Not many people around your age read these days. Sad how your generation is. You like to read, don't you?
  • Clerk: Not really.
  • Creepy Guy: *frowns* You work at a book store and you don't like to read? That's weird.
  • Clerk: I mean, I do like to read! Just not often. I'm very busy, nowadays. *sweats nervously*
  • Creepy Guy: That's good.
  • Clerk: We're closing soon.
  • Creepy Guy: I know. *walks to the back of the store*
  • Clerk: *dials brother on cellphone once creepy guy is out of sight*
  • Clerk: Hey, I need you to pick me up tonight. There's a creeper at the store and-
  • Salesman: THANK GOODNESS! You've called back, madame. I thought I had missed out on a sale, but thankfully my master salesmanship has pulled through agai-
  • Clerk: *hangs up*
  • Creepy Guy: On your cellphone during work hours? Kids these days. I have it in me to tell your manager about this.
  • Clerk: Sorry, sir!
  • Creepy Guy: Hehe, I'm just messing with you. Who were you calling?
  • Clerk: No one. Just checking the time.
  • Creepy Guy: There's a clock right there. Can't you read a clockface?
  • Clerk: I just wanted to make sure the time was accurate.
  • Creepy Guy: A good old analog clock has always been accurate to me. You got a boyfriend?
  • Clerk: Sir, that's not an appropriate question to ask.
  • Creepy Guy: And it's not appropriate for you to be on your cellphone while you're working. I think you already voided the whole appropriateness thing, girl. *smiles*
  • Clerk: We're closing, you might want to leave.
  • Creepy Guy: Really? Judging by the clock up there, there's another five minutes until closing. I think I'll stick around until then. *walks to the back of the store*
  • *cellphone rings*
  • Clerk: Please don't be a salesman!
  • Bro: Salesman? What?
  • Clerk: Thank god! *ducks below the counter* Listen, I need you to get here now. There's this creeper in the store who keeps asking me questions and I have to close tonight. He's not leaving until I do. I don't want to be stuck outside in the dark with him. Please come.
  • Bro: Whoa, sis. Sounds like a bad situation. Nothing that my product can't solve, though.
  • Clerk: Oh my fucking god!
  • Salesman: No need for strong language, madame. Sorry for the cruel joke, but you wouldn't have let me get a good word in otherwise. I-
  • Clerk: *hangs up*
  • Creepy Guy: What're you doing down there?
  • Clerk: Oh, I was just cleaning.
  • Creepy Guy: Cleaning, huh? Sounded like you were talking about me.
  • Clerk: ...
  • Creepy Guy: Do you think I'm going to do something bad to you when you leave the store? You need big bro to scare me off.
  • Clerk: ...
  • Creepy Guy: You kids today are fucking shitheads. *spits at clerk*
  • Creepy Guy: *leaves store*
  • Clerk: Fucking Christ!
  • Clerk: *closes store*
  • Clerk: *walks out into the empty night*
  • Salesman: *skitters out of sight*
  • Clerk: *looks around* There's no one around. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
  • Clerk: *begins walk home down isolated woodland path*
  • Owl: *hoots*
  • Clerk: *jumps* FUCK! I'm getting scared by nothing.
  • Car: *lights flicker on down the path*
  • Clerk: Uhh.
  • Car: *revs engine*
  • Clerk: *tries to run away*
  • Car: *careens into clerk at full speed*
  • Creepy Guy: *gets out of car* I wasn't going to do anything until you called me a creeper, you little bitch.
  • Creepy Guy: *ties up clerk and drops clerk in car's trunk*
  • Salesman: Monsieur!
  • Creepy Guy: Who the fuck is there?
  • Salesman: *skitters out of the woods*
  • Creepy Guy: What the fuck are you wearing? Is that a Cousin It costume?
  • Salesman: It's not costume, monsieur. This is how I really look. Oh, pardon my rudeness. *takes off its top hat with a spindly arm and bows*
  • Salesman: I've been trying to get in contact with your wife all day. You see, I'm but a simple salesman. I know you're on your way home, but I'd like you to hear me out first. The product I'm selling would be most benefic-
  • Creepy Guy: *shoots salesman* I don't have time for this shit.
  • Salesman: *falls over dead*
  • Creepy Guy: *locks trunk and gets into car*
  • Salesman: *in the passenger seat* Well, that was very rude of you!
  • Creepy Guy: What the fuck!? *shoots at salesman*
  • Salesman: *dodges* I assure you, monsieur, I won't fall for the same trick again!
  • Creepy Guy: What the fuck are you!?
  • Salesman: I am but a humble salesman! *grabs creeper by the head and smashes it against the dashboard until he's a bloody pulp*
  • Salesman: Sorry about that, Monsieur, but I had to let off some steam. Being shot makes me ever so angry. Monsieur? Monsieur? Oh, you're dead aren't you! Jiminy, I've done it again. Well, I can still turn this into a sale.
  • Salesman: *snaps creepy guy's finger and signs a contract with it* Alright. There we go! Signed, Mr. Creeper. Thank you for lending me your blood, monsieur. Now that the contract's signed, you should be getting your product in no less than a week. Shipping fees apply. If you have any other questions, do feel free to call me. Oh, and sorry about your trigger finger. Haha, just some gallows humor from me! *leaves car and skitters off into the woods*
  • Clerk: *wakes up* Fuck, I'm tied up! Fuck! HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! IS ANYONE THERE!? PLEASE HELP!
Quotes From Skype Groupchat "The Womb Bromb Brigade" Sentence Starters
  • "Would your butthole like to watch something?"
  • "You sad racist, you."
  • "Afros may look fluffy but they won't support ass."
  • "I kinda just wanna hide in the bathroom forever."
  • "How do you do a leg? You doodleg."
  • "He's just straight gay."
  • "I jusT WANNA SEE SOME DICKS!!!!"
  • "I was offered $5 to chug some marinara sauce and I refused but now I have regret."
  • "Not gay in the homophobic way, but gay in the..... gay way."
  • "Those pants! I can't see te details of his dick, but I CAN see the details of his balls."
  • "I'm gonna shove a dick so far down your throat it comes out your vagina."
  • "It's really hard to get through to you when you're just making jokes and fisting yourself."
  • "Why does he look like a mixture of Matt Murdock and Eggman from Sonic?"
  • "You gotta get somma that........... cletal stimulation."
  • "He can't help his small head size!"
  • "Only when he's fisting himself to the thought of Kenickie."
  • "He looks like a thumb, but an attractive thumb."
  • "I'm so mad there's no mail order daddies."
  • "My ex-grand-step-mom used to call her husband daddy. It's kinda creepy, to be honest, he's Canadian."
  • "Officer, you can handcuff me but only if you take off your pants."
  • "Snake titties. SNITTIES."
  • "I wanna be Madonna. Like a virgin. Cone titties. I'm down."
  • "Why you only freaky when you're sad?"
  • "Murder is concerning."
  • "It took me a second to realize you weren't saying 'Well, if I had an asshole'!"
  • "iCarly is actually a guilty pleasure of mine."
  • "I just realized that I lost my virginity to Netflix and chill."
  • "We gonna start a leg market. It's like the Black Market, but with legs."
  • "I don't have any side hoes to add!"
  • "You don't like hearing the word of god in a harmonic way???"
  • "You got a thirst for something and it's not self-betterment."
  • "Wow, this is so hetero. Like. Embarrassingly hetero."
  • "Is it bad that I have a massive hardon for Salvador Dali?"
  • "Cut yer hair, ya hippie!"
  • "I'm your cousin that you don't feel guilty for making out with at the family reunions."
  • "Hey, it's my favorite dildos!"
  • "Did you hear that? That's the sound of my orgasming."
  • "Is he a no boner bro?"
  • "His shlong, okay?! His dong is long!"
  • "He is literally a walking penis himself!"
  • "Please pull out your cash covered cock, please."
  • "Is he gonna pull out his dick or his wallet?"
  • "But how do you reverse missionary?!"
  • "What if the aliens all looked like Miley Cyrus?"
  • "She sucked his dick to prevent him from calling the cops and he laughed."
  • "I thought you were gonna end that at sex machine."
  • "Why do I like old tall men with great eyebrows? I'm finding a trend here!"
  • "WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR VAGINA?"
  • "She's probably never even seen an R-rated movie! ...But she suck dick."
  • "He cocks his cock pistol."