there's a very special place for me in hell

The Signs as Welcome to Nightvale Proverbs (Part 1)
  • Aries: It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the other dog in the fight.
  • Taurus: Ignore all the haters telling you that everything isn't a sandwich. Everything is a sandwich.
  • Gemini: Does the carpet match the drapes? No, it doesn’t. You’re the worst interior decorator. Please leave my home.
  • Cancer: Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say your mother's in the hospital. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Listen. I'll drive you over there. We'll leave right now. Grab a coat; it's a little cold out. I'm so sorry.
  • Leo: There's a special place in Hell. It's really hip. Very exclusive.
  • Virgo: Remember that all sentences must have a noun, a verb, and the phrase "foolish mortals".
  • Libra: Look to the sky. You will not find answers there, but you will certainly see what everyone is screaming about.
  • Scorpio: I let my haters be my motivators. Mostly they tell me I suck, and then I get sad. This was a terrible idea.
  • Sagittarius: If you love someone, set them free. Set them free now. This is the police, and we have you surrounded.
  • Capricorn: At your smallest components, you are indistinguishable from a forest fire.
  • Aquarius: A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? A basilisk.
  • Pisces: Please move your brain so we can get to the drugs. And stop leaving it there. We've talked about this.