there's a spider on my wall and i just started thinking about this

hey i wanna talk about erik klose

  • “i feel like he could hold me up forever” erik isn’t just emotional support he’s a soccer player and he is s t r o n g
    • he got them Midfielder Thighs™
  • he fuckin loves soccer movies ok 
    • nicky, already grinning, in response to erik’s parents asking how his day was: alles ist gut
    • erik, sliding into the room in his socks and running into a wall: soLANGE DU WILD BIST!!!!!
    • used Bend It Like Beckham and She’s The Man to practice his english
    • he definitely has a poster of jess bhamra in his room, she’s his hero
  • he is SUPER tall
    • (he’s actually taller than matt when his hair isn’t spiked)
  • him and nicky are low key competitive as fuck and they run together when nicky starts training for exy
  • nicky quickly learns that trying to outlast a midfielder on a run just. doesn’t work. they do the most running on the team and typically go whole games without getting subbed out.
    • 3 miles in nicky is wheezing and dying and erik is laughing like the absolute traitor he is
  • but!! it wasn’t all sunshine at first i mean come on,, this is the foxes
    • when nicky first got to the Klose’s he was reserved, quiet. 
    • erik was taking a year off to travel with friends during the first 6 months nicky was there
    • when both parents agreed nicky could stay for the summer for some extra classes so he could graduate on time (by american standards), he finally met erik
    • tall, athletic, kind erik, erik who came home with all kinds of candy from all kinds of countries to give to a boy he never met all to make a pun about what a “sweet deal” it was to have someone new in the house, he felt his heart race when nicky smiled at him for his ridiculous efforts
    • that’s the first time the klose’s saw a real smile come from nicky
  • erik convinced nicky to go to church after a while
    • it was hard at first, especially when nicky noticed erik was getting some weird looks from some of the older people in the congregation
    • when nicky asked why, erik told him about how when he came out his grandmother stopped speaking to him, and how some parents didn’t want to let erik come over to see his friends
    • but then erik told him how his parents told anyone who wasn’t okay with their son that they weren’t worth having around, that they loved erik and they wouldn’t allow anyone to try and make him feel bad for being himself
    • and how his cousins snuck out and took him to his first pride parade in hamburg
    • surrounded by people who actually care, nicky started to hope again
  • nicky starts to smile more and erik…he’s so smitten. his new mission in life is to make nicky smile
  • erik’s humor is usually really awful puns and dad jokes, but he also is really good at keeping a straight face while saying absolutely ridiculous things, leading people to question whether he’s really serious or not and nicky fighting super hard not to bust out laughing (because he’s the only one who can tell he’s joking)
  • nicky prides himself on being pretty fashionable so he’s not entirely sure how the hell he lets erik get away with wearing those awful toe shoes. the. the individual toe ones.
    • you know the ones
  • the first time they kiss, erik was climbing a tree and fell out, because all his grace stops the minute he steps off the field
    • it was a forehead kiss because, well, erik’s face was bleeding, but yea
    • they’re a bit of a mess, but they’re cute, ya know?
  • nicky and erik are the type of couple to go to the grocery store at 2am because they really want to make mac n cheese and accidentally end up buying 4 pounds of candy instead while serenading each other to the weird 90s music the store is playing
  • erik loves aldi’s and wants to live there. everything is so cheap, nicky. they have my favorite cheese, nicky. nicky. where are you going. nicky i live here don’t leave we haven’t bought any bread yet-
  • he owns crocs. he just. he does. he bought orange ones when nicky joined the foxes and fuckin little white fox paw insert thingies because he’s a supportive boyfriend, dammit
  • he draws smiley faces on everything. notes to nicky, his notes at school, on his meeting notes at work, and his favorite place: on nicky. 
  • he’s one of those people who can’t tan for shit, he just burns then freckles. nicky is constantly nagging him to wear sunscreen. he always forgets and sends nicky pictures of his bright red shoulders only to get pages of texts ranting about sunscreen and melanoma
  • he’s got scars everywhere but theyre all from like. the dumbest stuff. there’s a big one on his knee from sneezing while on a run and subsequently tripping on the sidewalk and wiping out. several are from falling out of trees. he broke his nose falling out of the shower because he freaked out when he saw a spider. again, all his grace is on the soccer field. everywhere else he’s a hazard.
  • he’s really, really clumsy. he loves fiercely because that’s how his parents taught him. he knows he’s lucky to have a family that stuck by him, he knows it’s the least they can do, but so many gay kids have shitty parents. kids like nicky. and erik may be gangly and clumsy. he may be competitive and he may not always understand how nicky feels because he hasn’t experienced what nicky has. but he has fallen out of more trees than anybody he knows, and falling in love with nicky is an ache he’s never been able to ice away, and would never want to anyway.
They Love Her

Presley Series, find other parts Here!

“Shawn, are you sure? I don’t want to impose on your families holiday.” 

“I want you to come, I want you both to come.” He says nodding. “Go get dressed please” He whines.

“What? Don’t want me to go to your moms in your T shirt and boyshorts?” She teases.

“I mean you can if you want, I’m not quite so sure how that would go over.” He plays along.

“True, but Shawn are you absolutely positive?”

“Y/n.” He says putting his hands on your shoulders. “You are being more difficult than Presley.”

“That’s rude.”

“And now I know where she get’s her sass from.”

“Me? Oh hell no, she totally gets it from you.”

“Me? But she’s not,” He wanders.

“She might as well be, she’s just like you.”

“Yeah?” He smiles.

“Yeah, I wish she was yours.”

“Me too.”

“Okay, I guess I can go get ready now.”

“Finally.” He sighs as you get off the couch and head to your room. You look at him and stick your tongue out at him before entering your room. 

“Shawn!” Presley yells coming from her room. He jumps up and rushes to her, scared something happened to her. 

“What? What?” He calls meeting her in the hall.

“Theres a spider in my room.” She points in her room. He sighs in relief, worried something had happened to her. 

“Where is it? I’ll kill it.” He says following her into her room. He grabs a tissue as he walks past the tissue box in her room. 

“Right there.” She says keeping her distance from the wall. He squats down so he can see the tiny black spider on her wall. She hides behind him, little hands clutching his sweatshirt. 

In a quick movement he squishes the bug with the tissue, wiping away all evidence of the eight legged creature on her bright pink walls. 

“All gone.” He says walking to her bathroom to flush the evidence. 

“Thank you!” She sighs following him to watch is go away. 

“No problem, no ones gonna get my little girl.” He says turning to look at her. She smiles and he leans down to pick her up. 

“Is this a new dress?” He asks walking he back to the living room. 

“Yeah, I thought I would wear it to meet your Mommy. Do you like it?”

“I do, it goes with your hair.” He nods sitting on the couch. 


“Yeah, it’s really pretty.” He smiles.

“What do you think?” You ask walking out of your bedroom to find them sitting on the floor of the living room, Shawn being given dollies to play with. He looks up at you smiling.

“I think you look great babe.” He grins. “I like you in red.”

“Yeah?” You say tugging at the hem of the red sweater you pulled on. It matched Presley’s sweater dress. “Honey that was for Christmas.” You say pointing at her dress.

“No you said it was for special occasions, this is one.” She shrugs. 

“It is?” Shawn asks looking at her.

“Yeah we’re meeting your Mommy and Daddy.”

“And sister.” He chimes in. “I think the dress looks nice.” He says looking back to you.

“Fine.” You huff walking back to your room to finish your makeup.

When you a ready to leave you go to find them. They are both laying on their stomachs playing with her Barbie house. 

“Hey kiddos are you ready?” You ask slipping on your shoes.

“Wait a second Mom.” Presley says standing up and stepping onto Shawn’s back to reach the top of the house. You watch as Shawn tries to help hold her up with his hands, as she ‘puts her doll to bed.’

She steps off his back and he waits just in case she tries to get on again. They both stand, holding hands, to walk with you to the car. You get in and Shawn helps Presley get up into his jeep. He helps buckle her into her carseat, kissing her forehead before closing the door. 

“I’m nervous.” You sigh looking over at him as he backs out of your driveway.

“Why are you nervous?” He asks taking your hand.

“Because I’m meeting them for the first time and I have Presley.” 

“You’re nervous because you have Presley?”

“More like nervous of that your parents are going to think of me because I have Presley.” 

“What did I do?” She asks from the back seat. You chuckle and hang your head.

“That’s what I’m asking, what did she do Y/n?” He says looking over at you with a playful smile.

“You know what I mean.” 

“I know, but we’re okay. Their gonna love the Princess that’s in my backseat.” He says looking at her in the mirror.

“Are you sure?”

“Would you stop asking me that? If I wasn’t sure we wouldn’t be doing this right now.”

“Okay.” You sigh.

“Hey Shawn.” Presley asks, kicking his seat.

“What’s up?” 

“Can you turn it up.” 

He smiles and nods, turning the radio up. It’s a Justin Bieber song and she starts singing and dancing in her seat.

“See you just gotta relax and let loose like Pres.” He says looking over at you. 

“To Justin?” You ask raising your eyebrows. “Sorry who is he?” You tease, thinking back to a few interviews. Shawn chuckles and changes the song.

“Hey!” Presley whines from the back.

“Watch your tone.” You warn her.

“She’s okay Babe.” He says handing you the aux chord. You grin evilly. You plug in and turn on her most favorite song right now. 

She squeals and starts dancing around. He looks at you with an unamused look.

“What? It’s her favorite.” You grin, “Mine too.” 

You start singing along finally coaxing him to join in at the chorus. When you pull up to his parents house all three of you are belting out There’s Nothing Holdin Me Back.

He gets out, going to grab Presley as you meet him in front of his jeep.

“Smile Mommy, this is exciting.” She says holding onto Shawn’s sweatshirt again. 

“Yeah, smile.” He says kissing your cheek.

“Just nervous.”

“Don’t be.” He whispers in your ear. He takes your hand and walks you up the pathway to the front door. He opens the door letting you in first. 

“Shawn?” His mom calls.

“Yep.” He says back, letting you hold his hand as you slip your shoes off. You start taking of Presley’s shoes while he kicks his off too. 

“Hey, oh Hi.” She says noticing he’s not alone.

“Mom I told you I was bringing Y/n over today.” He says, worried she forgot.

“I know, I’m just not used to seeing you walk in with two pretty girls.” She says smiling at you and then Presley.

“Mom this is my girlfriend Y/n.” He says introducing you.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” You smile at her.

“You too, I’ve heard so much about you.” She says hugging you. “And you must be Presley. I’ve heard a lot about you too.” She says looking over at Presley.

“Hi.” She smiles shyly.

“Hi.” Karen smiles back. 

“Hey Dad.” Shawn says smiling at his Dad. 

“Hi, Manny.” He says going to shake your hand. 

“Y/n.” You say shaking his hand. 

“Who’s this?” He says looking at Presley. She snuggles closer to Shawn, super shy now.

“Can you say your name?” Shawn whispers in her ear. She shakes her head, hiding her face into his chest. “I guess that’s a no.” He laughs looking over at you. 

“She’s a little shy around new people.”

“Understandable, Manny can be a little scary.” Karen pats his shoulder.

“Am not.”

“It’s okay, once you get to know him you realize he’s just a big Teddy Bear.” 

“Shawn.” Aaliyah says walking to wear everyone else is.

“Hey Liyah.” He says rubbing Presley’s back. 

“Hi, I’m Aaliyah you must be Y/n.” She says hugging you.

“Yeah that’s me.” You say laughing a bit.

“And is this Presley?” She says looking at the girl hiding into Shawn.

“Yeah.” He nods, smiling wider.

“I’ve been so excited to meet her, Shawn doesn’t shut up about you guys.” She says looking over at you. Shawn blushes, pushing his sister. Presley looks over at Aaliyah.

“Hi there.” She says waving at Presley. “Do you like Barbies?” Aaliyah asks. Presley perks up at that. 

“I love them.” She says.

“I got all my old Barbies out, would you like to come play? Their in the living room.” 

“Can I Mom?” She asks looking at you.

“Yeah go have fun.” You say, Shawn sets her down and she holds Aaliyah’s hand as they walk to the living room. 


Dinner has come and gone and you are in the bathroom. When you exit you hear Shawn and his mom in the kitchen.

“I like them.” 


“Yeah, they are good for you.” She says patting his shoulder.

“I know.”

“And you look good with a kid on your hip.”

“Thanks.” He laughs. 

You walk in sitting back down in your spot at the table. 

“Mommy can I go play Dollies?” Presley asks, Aaliyah has retreated to her room to finish some Homework and you are just starting to get to know Karen and Manny. 

“Um,” You say as Shawn walks in.

“What’s up?” He asks.

“Shawn can I go play Dollies?” She asks looking up at him. 

“Yeah, come on.” He says holding out his hand, handing you a coffee. She rushes to him, taking his hand. 

You sit and talk to Manny and Karen, expecting Shawn to come back but he never does. You’ve been sitting talking to his parents for an hour easily. The three of you hear some singing come from the living room and you all go to investigate.

When you enter you see them sitting on the floor, him holding a ukulele. They are singing ‘You Are My Sunshine’. 

The dolls have been cleaned up and put away, now their on to singing. She watches as he plays and sings along softly. 

Manny and Karen swoon just as much as you do. 

“I like the idea of Grandchildren.” Karen whispers to Manny.

“I think we just got one.” He whispers back. 

You bite back a smile and your heart flutters as he looks up at you, singing to you now. He smiles while he sings, and looks back down as she rest her head on his arm. 

The song ends and she yawns rubbing her eye.

“Uh oh, looks like someone is tired.”

“Shawn.” She whispers looking up at him.

“Hmm?” He hums setting the ukulele down. 

“I’m cold.” 

“Oh” He looks up and his eyes falter. “I forgot your jacket at home.” He says eyebrows coming together. “I know.” He says standing up. He walks to his old room and grabs an old sweatshirt. “You can wear mine.” 

“Really.” She asks. 

“It will be like a big blanket.” He smiles slipping it over her shoulders. 

“It’s warm.” She says cuddling closer to Shawn. 

“I think it’s time for bed.” You say slipping your shoes on.

“Yeah it is getting late.” Shawn says looking down to a Presley that is falling asleep against his chest.

“Alright drive safe.” His parents say giving you both hugs and walking you out the door. Shawn puts Presley in her seat and buckles her in, kissing her forehead again before closing the door. 

“See it wasn’t that bad.” He says getting in next to you. “They love her.” 

anonymous asked:

Ahh can I request a Peter Parker x reader where the reader's an artist and Peter happens to find that there's a few pages of her sketchbook that have sketches of Spider-Man? Thanks in advance! ❤️

Title: Spidey Doodles

Word Count: 1,517

Warnings: nada

AN: Honestly I relate so much to this request because I am an artist and I love drawing Spider-Man XD (gif source: x)

It was lunch time and you had your sketch book out and your food to the side. This was a common occurrence and your food often got cold because you’d be drawing through your lunch break. Your friend Peter tried to peek over the sketchbook you held in your hand. “Whatcha drawing today?” You kept it out of his sight because you thought that they, him and Ned, would think you were weird because you sketched them a lot. You liked to sit around different places like parks and sketch people who were having picnics or just laying in the sun.

“Nothing.” You muttered and added the final touches on Ned’s round face. Peter knew to back off once you’d said that.

You’d been trying to do different styles lately for art class; cartoon, abstract, realism. So far you really liked drawing cartoons and caricatures of people. Whenever you weren’t doing schoolwork, you were practicing your art skills. It was something you had felt very strong about since you started high school.

“For our next art project we’re doing pop art and I don’t know what to do it on…” You closed your sketchbook, hid it in your backpack, and picked at your cold food. They looked at your blankly, and you remembered they weren’t as well versed in art styles as you were. “Pop art, like pop culture.” They both went “ohh” and nodded.

“Do it on one of the Avengers. They’re pretty big in pop culture right now.” Ned suggested and you forced down the rest of your cold spaghetti.
“That’s a good idea, Ned.” You wiped your mouth, then looked at your phone for the time. “Better get going, I want to get started on my current art project before class starts.” You said your goodbyes and hurried off to the safety of the art room.

While walking there, you looked up at the tv screen in the hall and saw a piece about Spider-Man saving your decathlon team from an elevator in DC. He was a local celebrity, but you were wondering if you’d be able to use him for your pop art piece…

Over the next couple days you were scouring the internet for pictures of Spider-Man for reference pictures. It was hard because most of them were of him just standing on a roof or climbing a wall. You wanted a more dynamic pose, and only found a handful of those pictures. You started to practice drawing some of them, and would sit yourself in the library at a computer so you could have your reference pictures on a bigger screen than your phone.
You were in the middle of sketching a picture when you saw Peter over the top of the monitor. “Hey, Y/N.” He walked over to you and you closed all your tabs and your sketchbook at lightning speed.

“What’s up?” You rested your head in your hand and leaned on you elbow on the desk.

“I was just looking for some stuff for that English paper before class. So this is where you were instead of lunch?”

“I was drawing. For class.”

“I’m not surprised.” He teased and you rolled your eyes.

“Just like you and Ned love being nerds, I love drawing.” You teased back and put your sketchbook in your backpack. “Gotta go; I’ve got chemistry next.” You turned to walk by yourself but Peter caught up to you.

“We could walk together, I’ve got a class over in the same direction.” The two of you started to talk about the English paper for the class you shared and you couldn’t get over how awkward Peter could be. He was one of the sweetest boys you’d ever met, but he could be so weird whenever he hung out with you. Despite all that, you’d developed a bit of a crush on him; even though he had the most obvious crush on a senior girl, Liz.

“Well, Peter, this is my stop. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, see you later!” He flashed that awkward smile of his and you quickly turned your back to him to hide the red in your cheeks.

One morning you were sitting on the front steps of the school, attempting to sketch Spider-Man again, and you didn’t notice Peter show up. “He’s not that skinny.” You jumped when you heard his voice and felt your face go red.


“It looks great, though!” His cheeks slowly turned a little pink and you sighed.

“You probably think I’m some weirdo or something.”

“This is for that pop art project, right?” He continued to admire your work and you twirled your pencil.

“Yeah, Ned gave the idea after suggesting the Avengers.” You didn’t notice Peter staring at the back of your down turned head.

“It does look good, though.”

“Thanks…” That awkward silence began and you were about to excuse yourself, but Peter actually started to say something.

“Um, remember how Ned said I knew Spider-Man in gym that one day?”

“Uh, yeah. I honestly didn’t believe him, though.” You shrugged.

“Well, he was telling the truth–I swear,” he added, “but I could see about getting some better shots for reference pictures for you…” He rocked back and forth on his feet and you blinked.

“Um, that’s really sweet of you, actually.” You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Would you… like to meet him?”

“Now you’re pulling my leg.” You joked.

Peter crossed his arms. “I’m not joking, Y/N. How about I tell him to meet you on the roof of your place tonight?” You stared up at him and tried to see if you could figure out if he was messing with you or not. He looked away when you did, and you squinted your eyes.

“Alright, Parker, but you better not be messing with me or you’ll have it.”

You waited impatiently on the roof, giving your parents the excuse you were going to draw up there; which is something you often did so it was believable. You were trying to use your charcoals to imitate the night sky, but it wasn’t working and you got frustrated and tossed them aside. Not too long after you’d thrown your fit, you heard the gravel on the apartment building’s roof crumble under someone’s feet.

Your eyes followed the noise and couldn’t believe what you were seeing. It was Spider-Man; Peter definitely wasn’t lying. “Oh my God, I thought Peter was lying.”

“Peter ain’t no liar.” He replied in a horrible stereotypical New Yorker accent. Something about that voice was eerily familiar though. “You’re Y/N, I presume?” He leaned against a pole and you nodded. “I hear from Peter that you’re drawin’ me.”

You snapped your fingers. “Peter, is that… you?” You slowly walked towards Spider-Man and his posture changed.

“I don’ know whatcha talkin’ about.” You were close enough to pull off his mask and you did so; revealing your friend Peter Parker.

“Wow, Peter, this was a little much.” You rolled your eyes and tossed him the mask.

“Wait, Y/N,” he tried to run after you as you picked up your things.

“I’m not messing around tonight, Peter. I’ve got stuff to do.”

Wait.” You heard a strange noise and felt some resistance on your elbow. When you looked down your eyes widened and realized this was the real deal.

“Oh my god…” You faced Peter and put your hands to your mouth, dropping your sketch pad and supplies. “You’re… Spider-Man…”

“Yeah… I wasn’t lying when I said I knew him.” He scratched the back of his head nervously.

“Who else knows?”

“Just Ned; and Mr. Stark.”

“You know Tony Stark?!”

“Who do you think made my suit?” Your eyes shifted to the rest of his body to examine the details in the suit. It did look too nice to be handmade, and it sure had a sleek look to it.

“I’m friends with the Spider-Man.” You looked away into the distance and had to take a moment to take it all in.

“So… you still doing your art project on me?”

“Um, yeah.” You got out your phone and gestured for him to put on the mask. “Do some swinging around or something, dude.” And the two of you had your own photo shoot. By the end of it you’d ended up in the alley below and you were scrolling through all the different pictures you took.

“How’s my modeling skills?” Peter was hanging on a web upside down from the fire escape next to you.

“Pretty good, Parker.” You smirked.

“Well, I gotta go.” And before you even think about saying bye, he gave you a quick peck on the cheek. “Bye!” His voice wavered and he disappeared into the night. You grazed your fingertips over the spot he kissed and covered your face with your hands. Peter Parker kissed you, Y/N! Heck, Spider-Man kissed you! You climbed back up the fire escape and gathered your things, nearly dropping everything in your hurry, and made your way back to your room to scream into your pillow.

The one where MJ can’t refuse a dare
  • I guess I’m doing this
  • ok, so
  • Michelle can sing
  • like really sing
  • and somehow word of this gets out to the decathlon team
  • (Peter caught her jammin one day and Flash overheard him telling Ned about it)
  • so at the next team practice they pester MJ to sing for them, but she refuses
  • so Flash, having known her since childhood, does the one thing she can’t refuse
  • he dares her to perform in the upcoming school talent show
  • and first she’s like “hah, no”
  • but then she’s like “what’s in it for me?”
  • and he offers her tickets to a book signing she really wanted to go to, but was crazy expensive
  • and the whole team is at the edge of their seats
  • literally
  • MJ accepts
  • Flash realizing he’s got her in his pocket now adds that her performance has to be risqué
  • like why not throw in a wow-factor to throw the whole school off
  • a few seconds pass
  • “fine”
  • and honestly Peter is quite surprised, but he guesses she really wants those tickets
  • MJ already has a plan
  • but she needs the help of the team, because if she’s gonna do this, she’s gonna do it right
  • she doesn’t want the teachers storming up on stage cutting of her performance
  • she knows there are three teachers and the principal handling the show(along with the student committee)
  • so she has Ned, Abe, Sally and Charles guarding one each to distract, and possibly physically restrain them
  • the rest of them are sitting in the audience with the rest of the students that bothered to show up and the contestants’ families
  • and MJ made sure to religiously read the school rule book to make sure she couldn’t actually get expelled
  • the loophole she found were that the rules only applied in school hours and the talent show was in the evening so technically it wasn’t school hours
  • she talks the performance through with the lighting guys and they think it’s so fucking funny so they go all in to make MJ’s vision happen
  • so it’s the night of the talent show and Peter is backstage to pep talk her and also make sure she is okay
  • and MJ doesn’t need it but it also is kinda nice
  • and she is a little nervous
  • she hopes she doesn’t surprise anyone too much because in her eyes what she is doing is not that scandalous
  • it’s two minutes until it’s her turn and she is wearing a kimono/wrap dress kind of situation, with fishnets and (not really, but marketed as) holographic lipgloss
  • because contrary to popular belief, Michelle doesn’t hate make up, she just prefers to wear it for occasions and for effect, and a normal school day does not count as either
  • her hair is also tamed a bit with her curls in near perfect ringlets, but with more volume
  • Peter goes to the audience to sit with May
  • ofc she has been filled in on the dare, and came to show her support, but also to drive MJ home because she doesn’t want her parents to see her like this
  • then it’s her turn
  • so she stands in the middle of the stage with only a mic stand and a single spotlight on her, and then the song starts playing
  • a few people in the audience snicker a bit when they recognize the song
  • but so far so good
  • when she sings the line “and you got a heart full of gold, and thats really turning me on” she can see the brow of a teacher in the audience rise
  • she’s nearing the chorus and she has slowly been untying her wrap dress up until then
  • the single spotlight turns into several rainbow colored lights and when the chorus starts she drops the dress on the floor
  • she’s left with a sheer minidress(more on the opaque side, than transparent, but still see thru, you choose the color), no bra because #freethenipple, right, and fishnets(she has high waisted full coverage panties on, don’t worry)
  • and the video for the song starts playing on the wall behind her
  • (really you should watch the video, but it’s slightly nsfw, so be mindful)
  • and the crowd goes wild
  • cheering, luckily
  • she stands on the same spot during her performance, but she’s moving her hips and arms, and yeah she is trying to be a little sexy
  • because she is all about sexual freedom, and about loving or wanting to have sex with whoever you want(as long as it’s consensual)
  • she is bi after all, so all the rainbow imagery means something 
  • she hopes she’s pissing off some conservatives
  • she can see the teachers trying to do something 
  • but the team mates are doing their jobs
  • Abe has jumped on the back of principal Morita
  • but Mr. Harrington and coach Wilson are honestly just laughing along with the others
  • who knew Michelle Jones had any desire to flaunt anything
  • or that she could actually sing
  • she is getting breathier and moanier towards the end of the song for effect, and her team is hollering at her
  • the song finishes and there are a few seconds of silence
  • then the student body gives her a standing ovation
  • the others following not long after
  • she can see the teachers making their way to the stage though, so she knows it’s time to run
  • she yells at Flash that he better have those tickets ready for her by monday, and he gives her a shit eating grin and thumbs on in return
  • her eyes catch Peter’s for a moment and a silent understanding passes between them to get the fuck out of here
  • and she would lie if she said she wasn’t thinking about Peter during her entire performance for motivation
  • just a little
  • but she’s not ready for anyone to know that yet
Asshole X Reader X Daryl Dixon

A small idea I had :) hope you like it

You had been rescued by Rick and his people for a what you thought was a couple of months now. They found you basically a pile of bones. The community at the prison was amazing. you had never met people who really cared about eachother so much in the world of the dead. You had made friends with most people except one. Daryl.

He was grumpy, quiet and always snapped at you. You had never done anything to hurt him or make him hate you but for some reason he did. Everytime you tried to help him or talk to him he would just shrug you off.
“I don’t need your help” Or “Just leave me”
You were tired of it all but there was nothing you could do. One thing that really got you was that he was so damn gorgeous and you couldn’t even talk to him.

That morning you were on one of the watch tower. It was gonna be a slow day seeing as some people were on the fence clearing walkers. You started to day dream about actually being with Daryl, going on runs together, waking up next to him, sneaking off together. When a cough behind you scared you half to death. You spun around to see Rick stood there and Daryl to his side. He wasn’t even looking at you.

“Hey” Rick said “Can you swap with Maggie? I might need you to go on a run later.”

You smiled “Yeah sure. Who am I going with?”

He rubbed his stubble “Erm well most people are busy so it may have to be Daryl.” You stomach turned. Runs with him were uncomfortable, silent and awkward.

He scoffed clearly thinking simialr to you.
“Awesome” You said quietly “Okay, I’ll get my shit sorted.” You walked around the men to go to the ladder but you accidentally nudged Daryl. When you got to the bottom of the ladder you heard his voice behind you.

“Hey!” You heard his feet pick up to catch up to you “Whats your problem?”

You spun around and looked at him “You!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Your chest started to heave from anger "I’ve tried to so hard to talk to you or help you or do anything to be friends with you but all you do is par me off, snap at me and pretend I don’t exist! I care for you so much and you see me like a giant peice of shit. Fuck you. I’ll see you when I’m ready.” You turned your back on him and stormed a head. You could feel a tear coming to your eye but you brushed it away. This asshole was not going to bother you.

Daryl watched you walk away from him. He hated how he treated you. He didn’t want to upset you or make you hate him. He actually really liked you, the way your messy bob bounced around, the way your curves flowed, when your smile lit up any room you were in, your big beautiful eyes. He even loved that in all this shitty mess you just made it seemed better. He was horrible to you because he thought it was better to push you away then let you in and lose you. He hung his head as he heard you sniff. He couldn’t actually believe he had made you cry.

A hand on his shoulder made him jump. It was Rick.
“Hey man. You need to talk to her.”

“I can’t.”

“Well you sort this or I’m gonna get involved.”

“Allrigh, you aint my dad. I’ll figure something out.” He sighed not knowing what was going to happen or even if he could talk to her.

You stormed into your cell and threw your jacket on the bed. “Ahhhhh!! Why do I have to like him!” You said way louder than you meant to. You didn’t realise Maggie was in her cell next to you.

“Hey” She popped her head around into your cell “Daryl again?” Maggie was one person you could tell anything.

You gave her a half smile. “Yeahhhh. What can I do not to like him?”

She put her arm around your shoulders “Sorry but thats impossible. If he is being as dickish as he is and you still like him you’re fucked.” She laughed and you nudged her.

“Thanks you’re full of helpfull advice.”

“Look just go on this run and try to talk to him.”


She turned to look at you “What did you do?”

You pulled a face “I may have just shouted in his face.”

She sighed exasperated “You don’t help yourself. Just try not to shout at him out thee please. I want you both back alive.”

“Wellll, I suppose so but if he doesn’t come back I had nothing to do with it.” You let out a little chuckle.

Maggie left and you gathered your things together for the run. You left your cell with your stomach turning. For some reason you knew this run was going to be the worst. You can’t scream in some ones face and them not say anything to you after.

As you walked down to the gates where Rick, Daryl, Glenn and Carol stood you took deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down. You reached them and everyone was smiing but Daryl. ‘Oh fuck me’ you thought.

Carol smiled at you “Becareful and try not to kill eachother.”

Daryl half smiled but you didn’t “I can’t promise anything” you said as you climbed in the passenger door.

In the car you drove dow the road in dead silence. He stared ahead while you stared out the window. A good 10 minutes had passed and you decided to say something. The whole day could not keep going like this.

“Hey look I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you.”

He waited for a minute or 2 “No, it’s my fault. You were right.”

“No, I was just angry. I’ve only ever wanted to be a friend.”

“I’m sorry, I’m an asshole. I just don’t like making friends then losing them.” He wanted to tell you how much he cared for you, that he spent every night thinking about you. But you were just letting him in as a friend, theres no way he was going to screw this up now.

After a while the conversation was actually going nicely. You talked about your familys and laughed about things that happened with the others. Eventually you came across a house out in the middle of nowhere. By this time it was starting to get dark so you would need a place to sleep for the night. You both stood next to the car looking at the old half ripped down house.

“I bet you 2 smokes that theres a walker hidden in there.” You said with your hands on your hips.

He shook his head “You’re on, theres nothing out here for miles. All we’re gonna find is spiders and empty shelves.” He stook his hand out.

You shook his hand and smiled. On that you both took out your knives and walked forward up the steps. They creaked and crunched under your feet. You were really surprised you didn’t fall through them. The door just hung on it hinges. You went through first before Daryl could protest. The whole place was a shambles. Bits of wood and house parts just lay around. Everything was covered in dust and insects. You hated it because insects just made your skin crawl.

After checking the very limited rooms you both looked at eachother but unlike you he had a huge grin on his face.
“Looks like I win.”

You sighed “I supposed you do.” Just as you were about to hand over the cigarettes you noticed a cupboard door just behind his legs slowly swing open. You grabbed hold of his arm and threw him to the side.

“Woah.. What you…” The low groans of a walker cut him off.

The walkers body slumped slowly out of the cuboard but it was too weak to even crawl towards you. For the first time ever you could see the undead starving to death. If that made sense. You walked over to it and crouched down with your knife in hand.

“Looks like this one starved to death almost twice. Poor thing.” and on that you stabbed it in the head. You stood up to look at Daryl “Right, so we’re staying here tonight then?”

“Yeah I guess so. I don’t think we need to keep watch as I think we’re the first people here since this shit started.”

You both started to look around for stuff to sleep on. It was quite a futile search but in the end you had a blanket to lie on which wasn’t so bad.

You sat both sat on the floor leaning against one of the walls.

“You know I thought today was gona go so much worse.” You said as you inhaled the one of the smokes you had won.

“Yeah me too. I thought you wouldn’t even speak to me after how I’ve treated you.”

You shrugged “Ahh well, lifes to short to hold a grudge. Especially these days.”

You both decided to get comfy on the floor as much as you could but the little house was so cold it was nearly impossible. You lay there trying not to shiver for a good 5 minutes. Eventually you rolled over to face him. You shuffled a little closer to get some body heat from him. He didn’t seem to be shivering. Your hand accidentally brushed over his.

“Oh I’m sorry.” You said quietly “I’m just really cold.” In actual fact you were so close to the man you had a crush on your heart was in your ears. Even though it was so cold you knew you had rosey cheeks from this.

He shuffled even closer to you and put his arm over you “Is this a bit warmer?”

You snuggled yourself into him more “Thats amazing thank you.”

You lifted your head slightly so not to suffocate your self. You didn’t actually realise you were centimeters away from his face until you felt his breath on your lips. At this point there was no way he couldn’t hear how loud and fast your heart was beating. What if he was just doing this to keep you warm. He couldn’t like you. Scared you opened your eyes slightly to see what his expression was like. But he was looking at your lips. This was probably the only chance you were going to get and even if he did turn you down it coudn’t be any worse than it used to be.

Without thinking any more you gently pressed your lips against his. Just to test his reaction. Nothing happened.

You moved your head back embarrased and sat up “Oh god. I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t like me. Shit. Sorry.”

He sat up next to you and brushed some hair off your shoulder “Shut up. Of course I like you. I just don’t want to have you then lose you.”

Luckily in the dark he couldn’t really see you frowning. Daryl have feelings? and for you? This had to be a joke. You turned to face him “You like me?”

“Are you kidding of course I like you. Look at you.”

You smiled for a second.

“Oh fuck this” He whispered. Then out of no where he grabbed your face and pushed his lips against yours hard. Your stomach flipped over and over as you both fell into a passionate kiss. After a while you both lay back smiling. You knew sex was off the cards that night. It was too gross and too cold. You lay there looking at eachother till you both drifted off to sleep.

You woke the next morning to no Daryl. You sat up insantly, pulled your boots on and ran to the door. There was no way he could have left you. You started to panick when you couldn’t see him. A twig snapping noise made you turn to the side with your gun raised.

“Wow! Its only our second day together, don’t shoot me yet!” He said smiling. He had a dead deer draped over his shoulders.

“You asshole, I thought you left.” You lowered your gun.

“The cars still here stupid.”

You helped him get the deer into the boot of the car. The group would be happy he found something. Just as you were about to get in the car and head home you quickly ran back in the house. You came back out with your lighter that had ran out the night before.

“What use is that?” He said as you got in the drivers seat.

You shrugged “Well, its from the night we got together. I want to keep it.” You started up the car and sped off back on the road to home. Daryl hated your driving which you found so funny.

When you got back to the gates you could see Rick, Carol, Glenn, Maggie, Carl and Hershal waiting. Way more people than usual, like they were waiting for good news. You smiled to yourself as you drove in and the gates closed behind you.

“I have an idea, follow my lead.” You whispered and winked to him. He just shook his head at you knowing exactly what was going off.

You got out the car at the same time and you slammed your door. “And also! Next time hows about just shoot me! Saves me from suffering another second with you!” You screamed at Daryl.

“I would happily!” He screamed back. Everyone looked so disheartened that we were still argueing. Daryl walked round the front of the car and stood infront of you trying his hardest not to smile.

“One more thing!” You shouted.

“Please spare me!” He shouted back.

On that you grabbed his jacket and pulled him towards you kissing him real hard. You pulled back and smiled “I fucking love you asshole.”

“I love you too asshole.”

You both looked at everyone laughing, they all started laughing back at you.

“You got us.” Carol shook her head.

“Sorry guys, you just looked to expectant of good news I had to play it up a little. But I need to go to a warm clean bed now.” You turned but winked at Daryl as you left.

He knew exactly what you wanted. He threw the car keys at Rick “Deer in the back, I’ve got some unfinshed business.” He said as he ran after you.

Maggie smiled looking at you both “Fucking finally.” She said to everyone else.

Imagine: Being a famous Assassin (pt 2)

Originally posted by sardoniyx

Imagine: Being a famous Assassin and having the houses fight for your loyalty and your strength.

Part one 

Warning: None

Word Count: A bit longer than the last part 

“Will they come?” you ask your Maester softly waiting in an open field near the Starks base camp. 

“Sansa Stark sent a raven many moons ago confirming there will be a meeting, she is very excited to meet you,” he says as he smiles at you. 

Keep reading

New Years wishes- Peter Parker had

I had yet another silly snap from Peter reminding me of the big New Years party tonight. There was going to be everything; food, a band, fireworks and a lot of drunk teenagers trying to not get caught. I got ready, putting effort into my appearance as there would be a lot of people plus I’ve kinda had a small crush on Peter for the past couple of years but we are such great friends, I could never tell that dork that I liked him.

I arrived at the big house party but I couldn’t see Peter anywhere although I knew he had to be here,

where the hell was he?

After searching through crowds of drunk kids I found him talking to someone id never thought I’d see him speak to, Holly Anderson. She hated me with a passion and tried her best to make my life living hell every single day she could. She was the reason I hated school before I met Peter. I pulled him aside to ask him what the hell he was doing.

“Peter, what’s going on?” I aggressively whispered, I really didn’t like this, I felt sick and my throat had dried up . 

“Chill (y/n), she’s actually really nice,” Peter slurred out, he was tipsy.

Who the hell gave Peter alcohol and why was he drinking it? that’s not like him at all

“oh  god, no, I can’t do this. Peter she was horrible to me, don’t you remember?!” I shouted unintentionally, holly gave Peter a puppy eye look causing him to turn to me with anger. He almost looked ashamed. 

“you know what (y/n) if your gonna be like that then leave!” I looked over his shoulder to see holly smiling trying not to laugh but she stopped as soon as Peter looked in her direction. My eyes stung as they started to flood, I felt a single hot tear roll down my cheek, I couldn’t believe it. I stormed off. I ran as far as I could until I couldn’t breath anymore. My heartbeat pounding, my throat dryer than ever and my head swirling with emotion. Feeling sick to my core I sat on a wall, alone, gathering my thoughts and calming myself down. I was cursing to myself for letting her get to me. Ned must’ve saw me leave the party cause the next thing I know he was by my side.

“What’s up y/n?, are you ok” his voice was soft as he sat beside me. He was nervous I could tell. Ned was never really one to be able to comfort people.

“Yes, no. I don’t know.” I sighed in defeat. “Peter, he ditched me for holly and I guess I kinda liked him” i felt the weight lift off my shoulders as I confessed to Ned, he smiled and scratched his head.

“God I’ve been waiting for you to tell me this for ages, i mean it’s kinda obvious but don’t worry cause holly is way too hot for Peter anyway” Ned laughed. I punched Ned in the arm lightly signalling him to please shut up and he mumbled an apology.

“Well I’m not going back without you… mainly cause someone puked in my hat” I laughed a little for the first time since I got here. Ned smiled at his success.

It was now close to the bells, Ned convinced me that I may as well hear the bells then leave so I walked back to the house, I tried to avoid it as much I as i could  but I saw Peter standing alone. Ned encouraged me to go talk to him then went to get a drink but as I was about to Holly pushed past me and spoke in a aggressive tone

“guess who’s gonna be lover boy over theres New Years kiss? that’s right me, Make sure you enjoy the show,” she laughed and walked towards Him. Oh god I couldn’t watch this,

we weren’t a thing so I don’t know why this hurt me so much. Is it because it’s Holly? No, I knew what it was really. I liked Peter Parker… a lot.

I listened to the conversation hoping he would some how in some way reject her but I just knew deep down he wouldn’t.

“Hey Parker, I was thinking. I don’t actually have a person to kiss when the bells go so I was wondering if you could do me the honours,” she was twirling her hair and biting her lip, my heart stopped and I bit the inside of my cheek, holding back my emotions as much as I could.

“Uh holly, I don’t know…I couldn’t do that to"He was immediately cut off by the countdown.
wait! can’t do that to who? what does he mean?

"5…4…3” she was leaning in

“..2..1” I wanted to close my eyes so bad but I couldn’t, it was like someone was forcing me to watch. she kissed him hard and he pushed her away.

Wait what?!

He then scanned around the room and saw me, we locked eyes. He was now charging towards me,

oh god what is happening.
My thoughts went all over the place, was he mad at me for watching???

When he reached me he took me into his arms and kissed me passionately.

Hold on what? Is this happening? Did he mean to? 

Butterflies took over my whole body, The kiss was so meaningful and then the fireworks went off. All of holly’s friends stared, jaws dropped like they’d just saw someone disappear into thin air. We parted and I looked into his beautiful eyes, he was blushing, holly was stood with her arms crossed a little annoyed at what had just happened.

“(y/n) I’m so sorry I told you to leave, I don’t know what I was thinking and I have liked you for so long! I really like you (y/n) and not just as a friend, I like you more than that. i was so scared it would ruin our friendship but I need you y/n! I would like to be more than your bestfriend. I want to be the one you need, I want to be the person you depend on, I want to be able to call you mine… I guess I want to be yours, your boyfriend” i was crying for the second time tonight but this time out of pure happiness

“oh my god Peter, yes I would love all of that” He engulfed me in a huge hug and kissed the top of my forehead.

“Yes, Thats my best friends. Go Peter!” Ned screamed across to us. We then realised everyone was still staring at us but their expressions were now in awe, Peter put up his jacket to hide our faces and kissed me so now one could see. Just me and him… I guess New Year wishes do come true

@tomllholland @ya-boi-holland @marveloussebbystan @spidertransblog @marvelavengers456 @parkerbenjaminpeter @spidey-ish @spidey-mantom @peterxparkerx @weekend-writer

Imagine Joji// No Good For You.

For anon <3

 Joji’s genuine smile makes you realise how loud you’re laughing, you cover your mouth and lay back against the arm of the couch. your hoodie bunches up around you, the arms getting longer, covering your hands.

“So who’s idea was the Halloween party” Joji asks, relaxing as well as you calm down. It’s always fun with Joji over, you laugh, and you always have a lot to talk about. Joji’s the kind of friend that you just connected with automatically, you had been meant to be friends since the beginning of time.

“Who’s idea do you think it was” you say in a giggle, tipping your cup back and getting a sweet splash of fruit juice, with a harsh alcohol aftertaste. Joji raises an eyebrow and nods once signaling his understanding.

“Makes sense, you’re too lame to throw a party” Joji says, you scoff and throw a pillow at him, he raises his drink so it doesn’t spill, and laughs.

“Fuck off, i can too. You just watch, it’s going to be the best party you’ve ever been to”  you tell him, maybe not the best, you almost want to take it back but you can’t. Daniel walks into the room from the hallway and looks down at you both.

“Hey, I’m gonna hit the gym, I’ll be back” Daniel dips to give you a kiss on the cheek, you smile and watch as he leaves. His blonde hair covered by a beanie, he’s wearing that shirt that makes his chest and shoulders look bigger.

“He been working out a lot lately” Joji asks, taking a long drink.

“Yea, i don’t know, just a kick he’s been on” you say, standing and heading towards the kitchen. You dump the rest of your drink down the drain and rip open a bag of chips, crunching on a few then walking back over to Joji. 

“that’s cool, i guess” Joji says, you shrug.

“He’s kind of a bruh now” you say using bruh as a verb, the type of guy who works out, and snapchat’s his progress… everyday. 

“You know what he’s been listening to? techno” you say, you hate techno, its annoying.

“Like jessica?” Joji asks, you nod, same songs and everything.

“I hate it, i mean the remixes are cool, what they do to other songs. Not just constant metallic noises, i don’t get it” You say, feeling the alcohol take a bit of an effect.

“It’s okay sometimes” Joji says, grabbing your chips, you narrow your eyes as he shoves a handful into a mouth, raising an eyebrow as if to challenge you. Joji is up before you can lunge forward fast enough, you scramble up and he holds the chips above his head.

“cocksucker” you say reaching for them, you lean against him, trying to pull his arm down. it doesn’t work. Joji looks down at you, kind of a nice angle to see you at. Your eyes wide, focused, lips pursed, on your tiptoes against him. You give up and step back, crossing your arms in a pout. Joji laughs, and looks you over before handing the chips back.

“you fucker they’re pulverized!” you say, you cant help but laugh though. looking up at him. Joji has such a solemn expression on his face, a soft smile, like he’s admiring you. The bag seems to be lighter in your hands, you feel a bit lighter. A blush spreads over your cheeks and you look away.

“I just don’t know what i’m supposed to serve yaknow” you say balling up the bag, and throwing it into the trash can from where you stand, you miss.

“weak…” Joji says, you scowl at him playfully, and he smiles.

“I don’t know, pizza is always a go to” Joji says, picking the crinkled bag up and shoving it into the trash can.

“pizza gets cold too fast” you say, walking back to the couch and plopping down cross legged.

“Well then think of something that should be cold, or like room temperature at least” Joji says, sitting next to you.

“ohhhh what about those sandwiches from that place, i could order a huge one, or two! theyre so good, i could cut them up and have a whole bunch of chips, and other stuff” you say, excited about your idea.

“Those are the best” Joji agrees, but it seems like his mind is somewhere else…

“you okay Jo?” you ask lightly reaching to touch his arm, he looks down, and he seems to be brought out.

“uh yea, jut tired, i should probably go” he says, standing up.

“what? loser… fine. Promise you’ll be here for the party, I’ll personally blame you if I’m stuck with all of Daniels new muscle head friends, and the usual Halloween whores” you say, Joji chuckles.

“Yea I’ll be here I promise” he says. pausing before he opens the door, but he doesn’t say anything, he just resumes and steps outside.

“night” he says, turning back to face you, you smile.

“g’night” you say with a sweet smile. Joji’s lips part, as if he’s going to say something, but he just smiles and shoves his hands in his pockets as he walks away. You don’t pay much attention to it.

Stefano’s Italian deli isn’t as crowded as it usually is, you reach the front fo the counter and stefano smiles. The smell of salami, and freshly sliced prosciutto is in the air, making you hungry. 

“ayeeee it’s my favorite customer!!” he says, you laugh

“awe i bet you say that to all the girls” you say acting bashful dramatically. stefano grabs an order paper.

“alright, i got a monster for you, i want two of the cousin nadia’s, everything on em” you say, you had asked him once why he calls them cousin nadia’s

“when i married my wife, i hadn’t met her family, she lived in the states. So when i came, i met her cousin, Nadia. Biggest woman i had ever met!” The story still makes you laugh, you tell it sometimes and might even break it out tonight. stefano smiles, and writes everything down, he always likes a challenge.

“oh! and some of those peppers that bella makes!” you say to him as he disappears behind the counter. stefano has everything down quickly, he’s a fast little man. he hands you both huge sandwiches in a large bag, and a half a pound of the peppers you love.

“thanks so much stefano” you say, handing him the money.

“anytime my love!” he says as you leave, you take out your phone, and text Joji.

“Alright I got the food taken care of, with an hour to spare, you’re still coming right?” you ask. you put everything in the back seat of your car and close the door, feeling your phone vibrate when you’re done.

“i promised didn’t i” it says, you smile, and get into the car.

“No, more over… there!” you say, Daniel drops the large circular table in the very corner of the room, almost touching the walls but you don’t want to leave scuff marks.You draped a deep purple lace cloth over it, and in the center you have one of those trick crystal balls. The kind that show your reflection in the center, decaying and growing place large bowls of candy all around it and look over the rest of the house.Over in the kithen, you’ve got mounds of candles, it was a project you’d been planning for months. Large chunky candles melting over one another, looking creepy as hell. some lone candles to make it spread out. the kitchen light is dim. All of the lightbulbs in the livingroom and kitchen have been replaced with purple ones, one that flickers a bit randomly. The fog machine is on low hidden under an end table, and pointed into the livingroom where you’ve lined green lights along the wall. Fake spiderwebs placed onto the couch,  and up the walls to gather in the center. A realistic, and horrifying spider is burried deep, with little spiders spilling all strung up some red christmas lights in the web to make it look more hung bats in the hallway to scare anyone that has to go to the bathroom.Pumpkins cover the coffee table, clear bowls inside containing chips and pretzels. All of the lightbulbs in the livingroom and kitchen have been replaced with purple ones, one that flickers a bit randomly. Making sure everything is in the correct spot is the last step, and that’s the step you’re on. The green gooey pudding makes you giggle every time you see it. The larg tray of sandwiches is on the counter, with a large stack of paper plates. Time to fill the bucket up. you bought a large wooden-seeming bucket from a farmers market. The bag’s of ice sting your hands, as you empty one after the other into it. you shove beer and soda, and juices all over, then for a festive feel you place random red and green apples all around it. The doorbell rings and you brighten up immedeatly, almost running for the door, you stop and backtrack, turning on the music before you open the door.

“whooooa-ohhhh!!” Daniels friend Trevor says.

“yea!!! kickass! this looks amazing, you did great!” his brother, Travis says. You smile softly, and motion for them to come in.

“This is dope” Travis says again as he walks in. Your glad they like it, but you were hoping Joji would show up just to make sure you got everything right, you’re sure theres something you forgot. Joji would remember whatever it was, you look at your phone, no new texts. More people start to file in and compliment you. You smile and nod, walking into the room to get your costume on.The white button down is long enough to not show anything that shouldnt be shown, you pull up tall white socks, and grab the sun glasses. The party is already lively as you enter.

“Risky business?” You hear, but you cant see a thing with these glasses on and the lights so dark. You shove them into your breast pocket and see Joji.

“of course he would know” Daniel says, walking away from the hallway and the both of you, you’re a little confused… Joji runs a hand through his hair.

“where’s your costume?!” you ask, looking him over, he’s just got a hoodie and jeans on.

“I’m a uh… college student?” he offers an excuse, you roll your eyes.

“Let’s make you a cat” you smile, he shakes his head no but you’re nodding your head yes. Joji laughs as you draw whiskers on his cheeks, having already put the fake ears on him.

“I am going to be the prettiest girl at the party” he says, making you laugh as well, he’s leaning against the kitchen sink as you put eyeliner on his cheeks and nose. You look down at his lips, parted a bit, his lips arereally… something arent they? For a moment you forgot what you were doing, you look back up at Joji and he’s watching you… You go back to his cheeks and make the lines darker. When you’re done you hear laughter behind you, some people seem to be watching and it seems they liked your idea. you take a bow and gain some laughs.

“see, i was right” you say, Joji rolls his eyes, but softens.

“Yea you were right, this is the best party I’ve been to” he says softly, you feel warm inside, and smile back. Joji’s eyes trail behind you, and he tenses a bit. you look over and see jessica over by Daniel, in a slutty nurse’s costume. You’re a bit jealous… but not very. Which you know is a bad sign, you should be reeling.. but you’re not. Daniel has been distant lately, and it’s made you question whether you even really cared about him in the first place. That’s the first time you’ve ever let yourself get the entire thought out, you don’t like the idea of breaking up with Daniel. You stay in denial, and look back at Joji.

“Do we need a music change? Will you change the music?” you ask, not wanting to go over there, Joji nods, and walks across the room, he grabs the Ipod you’ve got hooked up and puts something more upbeat on, you smile, and relax against the counter. Joji motions behind you, and you know he means the balcony. You walk through the kitchen and open the sliding glass door letting some cold air in and hope someone thinks it’s a ghost. you take a seat in the patio furniture. Joji closes the door and sits across from you at the table, looking up.

“Don’t look at me like that, Jessica’s a whore. Slut’s be slut’s right?” you say shrugging.

“Didn’t seem like Daniel was doing much to let her know he wasn’t interested” Joji says, you roll your eyes.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore” you say, placing your elbows on the table and rubbing your face.

“The party is, really awesome, it looks incredible” Joji changes the subject, you smile.

“Thanks Jo” you say, he looks over at the door, and sighs, laying against his arm as well.

“you can go back in, I’m fine seriously” you say, trying to prove yourself.

“No, no i was just thinking how i really don’t want to go back in there” Joji admits, you tilt your head.

“I have more fun just you and me” His voice is soft, you swallow hard and look away again. That warm feeling coming back. Joji knows he isn’t supposed to want you, You were dating Daniel when he met you, but he can’t help it. When he met you everything clicked and you got along great, he hasn’t had anyone like that in his life for a long time. Even when you’re just watching a movie, your little comments, or the way you lay down, it’s all attractive.

“That’s because we hate people” you huff a laugh trying to lighten the mood.

“no it’s not… It’s because we just, have more fun together. I mean… I don’t think about doing anything without you anymore” Joji says, just like you wanted to make sure he was coming to the Halloween party. It isn’t okay unless he’s around, Joji is the only thing you like about being here. But that cant be true, you have Daniel, you can’t do that to him.

“Joji don’t.. fuck around like that it isn’t funny.” you say, shaking your head and standing up to walk away, He stands up too blocking your way.

“no I’m not kidding, I know it’s fucked because you’re with Daniel, but i… i fucking hate Daniel. Daniel is a douchebag, he’s a total tool and i dont understand why you’re with him. He’s no good for you. You’re so different, you’re smart, and you have depth, Daniel…” Joji trails off. “I don’t think he appreciates that” he finishes.

“How do you know? are you in Daniel’s head?” you defend Daniel, Joji sighs.

“No but the guy’s so dense it isn’t hard to figure out what he’s thinking” Joji says, irritated that you don’t see it. You shake your head and sigh walking past Joji and o the door, you open it and look over at the livingroom. Everyone’s dancing, the party was a hit, and there’s your boyfriend. Smack in the middle grinding up on nurse Jessica. You walk over to them and push Daniel back off her Jessica says nothing.

“what the fuck?!” Daniel says, slurring his words to you. He seems to have had a lot to drink, he might not even know it’s you in front of him. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, every time you went to the club he’d find someone to dance with. Joji steps between you and him.

“come on, you’ve had enough, maybe you should lie down” Joji says, Daniel scoffs.

“This fucken guy” Daniel says, laughing at himself like he told a great joke.

“yea, alright come on” Joji says, helping him walk towards the back room.  Daniel fights against Joji, so Joji simply lets go and takes a step back. Daniel falls against the floor with an ooof. The party gets a bit quiet, some people file out the door awkwardly. the others are too drunk and wanna see the scene.

“You stupid mother fucker!” Daniel slurs, scrambling to his feet, and lunging at Joji, who just steps aside and lets him hit the wall. Joji looks really mad though. You watch as Daniel gets up and get’s into Joji’s face, Joji’s face is stone cold, and Daniel looks like he might be drunk enough to try to hit him.

“That’s it!! i want you out of here! get your shit and leave!!” you shout, running in front of joji and pushing Daniel back again.

“what did you just say?” Daniel says, standing up straight.

“I’m so done with your shit, I’m done, we are finished. I want you to get your shit, right now, and get the fuck out” You repeat yourself, you’re shaking, and you feel like you might cry at any second.

“Well fucking, fine then!! i don’t even care about you!! and guess what” he whispers stepping close, Joji tenses up and Daniel smiles at you.

“you need to back the fuck up” Joji’s low voice comes from behind you, Daniel looks up at him, with an almost fearful expression, he stands up.

“I’ve been fucking Jessica for months” he says, you feel it coming, but its not tears, it’s rage. before you know it, your hand flies across his face, hard. So hard it stings you, and leaves a red mark on him. Daniel, staggers a bit and smiles over at you.

“what are you mad??? mad that she fucks better maybe” Daniel continues with a laugh, you feel Joji push by you, he grabs onto Daniels shirt and drags him out the door. Slamming it hard behind him. Joji seems really tense.

“everybody needs to leave, party’s over” Joji says, opening the door back up.

“you two can take your friend with you” Joji says to the two muscle heads that came for Daniel. Everyone files out the door, and you sit down on the couch, tired of this shit. Joji sits on the couch as well, but all the way on the other end.

“I’m sorry” Joji says, you look up at him, he rubs his hand over his mouth. “I figured you’d just, see it, and eventually break up with him. I figured you’d wind up breaking up with him, and then, i don’t know” Joji says, you look up at him

“you knew?” you ask, almost hurt, Joji looks up.

“What would you have done if i told you? I only knew as much as you told me, and when he started listening to techno and acting like an ass around me, i just knew. I didn’t want you to wind up hurt… but if i told you… you’d just be angry with me” joji says, he didn’t want to hurt you, so he was just there for you.. you move over and wrap your arms around Joji’s neck.

“thankyou” you say.

“for what?” Joji asks.

“For always being here” you say, pulling away. Joji softens a bit, and you watch as he leans into you, you close the gap and press your lips against his. Kissing Joji feels right, it’s every warm feeling he’s given you, and every thrill, every butterfly all wrapped up into one. 

Request: Arachnophobia

Request: can you write an imagine (reader x dean) and she has a severe case of arachnophobia (spiders) and she goes into the bathroom and theres one in there, or one on the floor in the bedroom or something and he tries to cheer her up and calm her down by being all cute and gentle?? thanks :-)

Word Count: 550

I’m very arachnophobic myself. They’re horrible little beasts. There’s one living in the corner and it just sits there and stares at me. If I stop posting, it probably ate me in the night:P I hope you like it, enjoy!

You’re a hunter. You’ve faced, literally, hundreds of hell spawn. You’ve held a conversation with Satan. You’ve beheaded vampires, burned corpses, dug graves, gunned down witches, spoken with all four horsemen, and faced off with a very angry Pagan god or two.

You’re not supposed to be scared of much, anymore.

Yet, upon walking into the bedroom and finding a ginormous black spider, terror is struck into your heart and you let out a scream.

Nearly instantly, Dean is bounding up the stairs, trying to find out what the threat is. The eight-legged horror is dangling from a thread of web, and it’s almost at your nose height, swinging threateningly.

You back away, and as your back hits the wall, you let out another cry. Dean bursts into the room, gun in one hand and the other poised to sweep you out of harm’s way.

“What’s happening?” He asks, moving close to you, putting himself in between you and the invisible danger. As the black thing extends its web, it catches his eye. You yelp again as it starts crawling grotesquely towards you, and you grab onto his arm.

“Get rid of it!” You cry out, taking a shaky breath. “It’s horrid!”

“A spider?” He asks, breathing a sigh of relief. It inches closer, and you wince.

“Get it away from me!” You whimper, taking a step away from the beast. Trying to control your breathing, you look around you for more arachnid invaders. “Burn it!”

He frowns, but picks up the spider by a leg and lets it hang from his fingers. He jokingly takes a step towards you, but as you pick up a lamp in defense, he thinks better of it.

“D’you think I’ll become Spiderman if I let it bite me?”

“I don’t care, kill it!” You say shakily, and he shakes his head.

“I’m not going to do that.” He drops the evil arthropod out the window, closing it as he takes a step back. He wipes his hands off on his jeans, before you let out a sigh of relief. It doesn’t stop the shaking, though.

“Wow, you got it bad.” He remarks, and you shrug.

“It’s scary.” You insist, running a trembling hand through your hair. He moves closer to you, wrapping you up in his arms.

“It’s okay, it’s gone now.” He promises, and you relax into him, trying to ignore the fact that there’s essence of spider all over his hands.

“Thanks.” You whisper. He rests his chin on your head, chuckling.

“But really, spiders?” He asks, and you punch his chest.

“They’re horrible and evil and a plague among humanity.” You mumble into his shirt, and he laughs.

“If you say so. Don’t worry about it, I’ll get rid of any spider that dares to come anywhere near you, okay?”

“You promise?” You look up at him through your lashes, and he nods.

“I promise. Every last one of the little bastards. No-one bothers my girl.” He assures you, and you smile.

“My hero, huh?” You laugh, and you feel him nod.

“Absolutely. All I need is a cape.”

“Real heroes don’t wear capes. Real heroes wear leather.” You grin, tugging at the open zip of his leather jacket. He grins, leaning down and kissing your forehead.


Pairing: Peter Parker X Reader

Word Count: 2794

A/N: sorry this took me so fucking long wtf i suck at posting but i love u and thank u for requesting this i really like the prompt and i was excited to write this thank u for being so patient w me :))))))))

also i started writing this as Andrew Garfield’s spiderman then i switched to Tom Holland’s so i’m sorry if theres a different personality type

“One shot where reader and Peter Parker are dating but reader has the same abilities as copycat, so reader can copy anything they see. Reader is also a hero by the name of copycat and one day reader tells Peter and then Peter tell the reader that he is spider man and it gets all fluffy.”

Originally posted by theavengers

Keep reading

lazilybreifhologram  asked:

Can you do a Destiel/Sabriel fic where there's a huge ass spider on the wall and Cas/Sam have to kill it and Dean/Gabe are hysterically terrified

I’m so sorry this took me so long, I hope you like it

Dean always prided himself to be fearless, he was a brave hunter, afraid of nothing. However there was a teeny, tiny exception namely, “SPIDER!!!!!” Dean yelled and jumped from the couch, shaking finger pointing at the wall behind him. He had only seen a movement in the corner of his eyes and turned his head around, not expecting to see Aragon’s offspring itself on his wall.

The only thing that made this situation worse was Gabriel. Of all the people he had to be the one sitting right next to him when Dean was screaming like a little girl. Dean was just waiting for Gabriel’s mocking to start, but instead he archangel jumped from the couch as well.

“Oh my god, that’s a giant ass spider,” Gabriel shrieked, “kill it, Dean, fucking kill it!”

“Why me? You kill it,” Dean yelled back, slowly moving away from the wall, not letting the spider out of his eyes.

“Because you are the hunter,” Gabriel hissed, his hands grabbing Dean’s shirt desperately.

“Because I am the hunter?” Dean asked, “Gabriel, you’re a freaking archangel? And you want to tell me you’re afraid of spiders?”

“Well you’re a grown up hunter, suit yourself,” Gabriel snapped back, before he yelled, “Sammy!”

Dean turned pale. No, no, no his brother couldn’t know about his fear of spiders, the teasing would never end.

“Are you mad?” he hissed, “I’m not gonna humiliate myself in front of my brother! CAS!” he called out for his boyfriend.

“Do you think I want to be humiliated in front of my little bro?” Gabriel asked, and in this moment the spider chose to move. Both Dean and Gabriel let out a high pitched scream, and pressed themselves against the opposite wall.

Only seconds later both Sam and Cas bursted through the door, shot gun and angel blade ready to attack.

“What’s going on? We heard you two scream?” Sam asked concerned.

“Are you two alright?” Cas joined him.

Dean and Gabriel were pressed together, legs shaking, eyes closed. Finally one of the managed to lift a hand and pointed at the wall, whispering, “Spider.”

Sam and Cas turned around spotting the giant spider, trying not to laugh.

Dean didn’t know who of them killed the spider in the end, he was just happy that it was gone and he was safe in Cas’ arms. Gabriel must have felt the same.

“I didn’t know you had arachnophobia,” Cas said, while stroking Dean’s hair.

“It’s not a thing you really want to admit,” Dean grumbled against Cas’ chest and it earned him a chuckle.

“Well don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” Cas said, “I don’t know about your brother though.”

“He wouldn’t dare to say something, at least his boyfriend is just as afraid of spider as I am,” Dean said, and snuggled closer.

Cas laughed, “Well I guess that is true. So which movie do you want to watch? Spiderman?”

You Meet Their Child From A Previous Relationship.
  • A/N: Sorry it took me so long to finish! Took me forever to think about this one! Hope you enjoy xx
  • Harry: You laid out a patterned blanket onto the patch of grass that was the shadiest available spot at the park. However, every time you tried to lay it out the wind would blow the opposite side to fold underneath. Harry glanced over at you from the lunch bag and smirked. "Marcus, can you help [Y/N] out?" Harry asked, tilting his head toward you at his four year old son who shyly looked up at you, and walked to hide behind his father. You shot a smile at him, but it fell almost as fast as it appeared. "I got it." You waved, walking to the opposite side of the blanket and kneeling down. "He'll warm up to you soon," Harry said, ruffling his son's hair as small boy stayed glued to his father's side. Just as you sat down contemplating if Harry's son will ever, in fact, warm up to you, a small shadow emitted, a juice box being held out in front you. "Daddy said you like apple juice." Marcus finally spoke, taking a seat next to you and sipping on the straw of his own juice poach. You and the small boy discussed somethings, the conversations fairly short, but you were grateful of his friendliness. You watched as Marcus gazed every now and then at the groups of other children running around the playground. Standing up and wiping off the grass from your jeans before holding out your hand to him, he gave you a confused look. "Why don't I take you over there to go play for a bit?" You suggested, and he looked over at Harry, who nodded, smiling for him to go. Suddenly, Marcus's smile took over his features and he jumped to his feet, running over to the playground. You looked over at Harry but he was already looking fixedly up at you, "I told you he'd warm up." He said, waving for you to go join him, his smile as bright as the sun while he watched you jog over to the sandbox.
  • Niall: You approached Niall's front door step, excitement well overpowering your nervousness. Rapping your knuckles against his wooden door, you couldn't believe you were finally meeting his other half. From the side window you watched as the curtain was pulled back, two matching pairs of bright sapphire eyes peering from the other side of the glass. Suddenly, the front door was whipped open, your boyfriend's smile stretched to the widest you've ever seen. "Glad you could make it." He said, wrapping his arms around you and letting you into his shared home. "Maddie!" Niall called out walking into the dining room as you took off your shoes. "There's someone I want you to meet." You heard him say from behind you, his voice soft as he spoke. Turning around, you we faced with Niall leading his daughter toward you, and you could feel your breath run short. She looked exactly like him: the eyes, the hair, even down to his nose--only cuter. "Mads, this is [Y/N], [Y/N], this is my daughter, Madeline." Niall introduced, and the small girl smiled up at you, her two front teeth missing. "It's nice to meet you, Madeline. You are one of prettiest girls I've ever seen." You said, kneeling down to her height, as she smiled at her feet, her long straight brown waves falling onto her face. "Thanks." Maddie whispered tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, the blush on her face effecting all the same areas it does her father's. "Why don't I start some lunch?" Niall suggested, clapping his hands together, before walking into the kitchen. "Do you want to play Barbies with me while Daddy makes our food?" Madeline shyly asked, toying with a strand of her chocolate hair between her fingers. Your stomach erupted with butterflies while she lead you towards her large play room as soon as you agreed. "Be good in there, ladies!" Niall called, smiling brightly at you as you closed the room door.
  • Zayn: While you finished washing up dishes, you heard the front door bell ring, and you could almost feel your heart skip a beat. Weren't they suppose to show up later? Taking a deep breath, you paced over to the door and hesitantly opened it up. "Hey, [Y/N]." Zayn greeted, leaning in to press his lips to your cheek, the boy to his right clinging to his hand, golden amber eyes beaming up at you. "Say hello to [Y/N], Andrew." Zayn said to his son, who remained silent. You let out a small laugh, opening the door wider for them to come in. "Sorry, he's a bit shy." Zayn said, looking over at his son who sat on the opposite side of the couch, playing with one of his Gameboys. Taking a sip of your water, you shook your head and smiled at your boyfriend, "I don't expect him to be any other way." You mused, smiling over at him as he glanced up from the device at you two, and quickly looking away. Soon, Zayn excused him self to use the bathroom and left you two in the living room, silence bouncing off the walls. From the corner of your eye you could see Andrew staring over at you. "Do you like Pokemon?" He asked and you confusingly looked at him. He took off his backpack, rummaging through the Spider-Man decorated bag, before pulling out a electric blue DS and holding it up. "I have an extra for when Dad plays with me," He explained, turning on the machine as you scooted closer to him, taking the electronic into your hands. "You can play if you want, but it's only fun if we connect games." He shyly noted, and you smiled at him nodding, earning a toothless grin from the young boy. Burying all of your attention into the device as you and Andrew battled, you barely noticed Zayn's head resting on your shoulder. "Having fun you two?" Zayn asked but only receiving a couple mumbles from the both of you, making him let out a chuckle. "I'll start dinner." Zayn said, standing up and walking into the kitchen. The sight of you and his son made his grin wide and thoughts of the future brighter.
  • Louis: You strolled slowly next to Louis, both of you sharing either hands of his daughter, Lillian. After so many dates, Louis insisted you meet her, and even though it was the most nerve wrecking thing you've had to experience, you're glad you had. "Did you see Dad's face when we got to the top of the Ferris Wheel!" Lilly laughed loudly as you three walked out of the carnival after spending the evening there. "He was as red as your dress!" She mused pointing at your dress before her father gave her a warning looking. "I told you guys I wasn't a fan of heights." Louis smirked, and you had to bite back a giggle at how embarrassed he was getting. Just as you three were going to turn the corner to where the car was parked, Lillian looked forward, and pointed toward a small ice cream place, turning to her father, pouting and begging please. "Lilly, you've had 3 things of cotton candy, you'll never go to bed if I get you ice cream at this hour." Louis reasoned, but the five year old continued to insist, promising she'd go right to bed when she got home. However, just as her father shook his head, she immediately grabbed your hand. "Well, [Y/N] wants ice cream! Right, [Y/N]?" Lillian challenged, and you smiled at the manipulation she's earned from her father's. Louis looked over at you, and you glanced at her, and she slightly shook her head yes, before you reflected her in agreement. "Fine." Louis huffed after a couple minutes, making Lilly hug at your waist. "I knew I liked you!" She cheered, grabbing your hands and leading you and her father quickly into the ice cream shop.
  • Liam: Peeking over into the living room and at the couch where Liam's daughter sat on her phone, your heart thumping against your chest. Figuring that she was a teenager, you thought it'd be easier to get along with her, but your assumption was the complete opposite considering she hadn't said a word since you tried to introduce yourself. "She'll turn around about it." You heard Liam sigh from behind you as he poured himself more coffee. "Aubrey's just stubborn because her mother and I never worked out." He said, but you couldn't blame her. You never expected her to think you were going to be her new mom, but you could never imagine receiving such a cold shoulder. "I'm going to try again." You whispered, putting your coffee on the counter, and walking into the living room, taking a seat on the couch next to her, to which she glanced over at you, but averted her eyes back to her cell phone. "I like your shirt, where'd you get it from?" You asked and she shrugged. "A store?" Audrey murmured under her breath and you could hear Liam sigh from the kitchen. Your smile fell shortly but you didn't give up. From where you were sitting you watched as she scrolled through endless pictures of cosmetics. "Are you into makeup?" You asked and she finally turned to face you, staring for a second before nodding. "Yeah. Really into it, actually." She answered, and you chuckled lightly, "I am too, I just wish I better it." You said pointing at your eyeliner, laughing slightly at the memory of you this morning trying to put on liquid mess. The corner of her mouth quirked up and she nodded, "You just need to have a steadier hand." She informed, pointing at her perfectly lined eye make up. Silence grew between you two for a couple seconds before she stood up and looked through her purse. "I can teach you a bit, if you want." She muttered, holding up her make up bag. "That sounds perfect." You stammered, glancing over at Liam as he confusingly walked into the living room, feeling like he didn't hear correctly. Rolling her eyes at the sight of both your smiles widening on your faces, she waved for you to follow her up to her bedroom.
Karl Pilkington Starters
  • It's like a pylon.
  • Get that down, its a deathtrap!
  • You've never been to China.
  • ...but it’s all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.’ How often does that happen?
  • That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. I don't know where a scorpion is knockin' around with a frog.
  •, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again...
  • By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.
  • All I'm saying is that old people need to be old people.
  • You need oldness. You need to see old people.
  • Well you look 78!
  • Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.
  • If I was Noah, I would have gone, Hang on a minute, I've just seen somethin' that looks a bit like this, let it drown, have a bit of a clear out, but he was messin' about savin' everythin'
  • Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?
  • You know how they say people have six senses? There's loads more than that. The ability to feel someone looking at you, that's been around since man and dinosaur were knockin' about.
  • We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.
  • On identical twins - You always get a little snidey one.
  • On dopplegangers - How would I know which one I was?
  • It would only get me into trouble won't it? Because people won't believe there's another one like me.
  • Otherwise everyone would be saying that when they get caught robbing, they go Oh it wasn't me it was me doppleganger.
  • Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine.
  • Did I tell you about the immune system?
  • He got hot, he got so hot his lips fell off.
  • I came up with a good idea....see through skin
  • I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.
  • If you don't sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body's replenishing
  • As long as you're rememberin' baby Jesus, does it matter when you're rememberin' 'im
  • That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it
  • The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching.
  • The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’
  • Treat the world like a head
  • We're just a weed in the universe
  • I could eat a knob at night.
  • Hummus isn't a meal
  • Hypothetical: Shipwrecked and eating a penis- ...I'll look for something else. We're surrounded by water. Why are we eating knob?
  • Where you are is what you eat. When I'm in London I'll have beans on toast for lunch. On holiday — what? Tapas? Go on then I'll have a bit. You eat whatevers in that area.
  • Whether it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage!
  • Read about a pub which is gettin' some stick 'cause its stopped a horse goin' in. Its been the horse' regular for ages, but some new owners have taken over the pub and they said they're servin' fresh food and don't want a horse in there anymore
  • I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book'
  • I'm just sayin', I don't like fun
  • They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?
  • I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger.
  • I think some bacteria have better lives
  • What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?
  • Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint?
  • It’s just hassle of having friends and family
  • The world is getting more and more scruffier
  • You won't get anything done by planning.
  • Any problem solved is a new problem made.
  • I've met a few little people in my time.
  • I met a little fella once and he was alright.
  • Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island...from the rough bit...
  • Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.
  • So I was watchin David Attenborough..
  • At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?
  • At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head.
  • I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'
  • In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert.
  • In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock.
  • Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.
  • People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?
  • A dog has got human eyes.
  • I saw a cockroach playing Pacman
  • I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is, they've got wings but they walk a lot
  • Don't be chucking that out. You might need that later
  • If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about
  • People who live in a glass house have to answer the door
  • You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad
  • Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.