My power has gone out and I think I've lost that comic panel I was working on, so have some Voltron Instagram headcanons
Allura: a bunch of photos of the mice. Some have filters over the top that make them look like they came out of sailor moon. Also nail art and lots of photos of creative long hair updos.
Shiro: tags photos of Big Macs with #gourmet. A bunch of selfies in front of Matt who has fallen asleep in some odd location (usually a corner of the library or a school bench). He has a 5 second video of him grabbing Keith’s wrist and going “bro! Bro, why are you hitting yourself?” And Keith is just SCREECHING.
Keith: definitely has the most ~aesthetic~ of all the Paladins instagrams. Photos of his motorcycle and lots of nature photography. Many of them taken on long drives by himself into the middle of nowhere. Candid photos of Lance staring off into the distance and looking beautiful.
Lance: loads of outfit of the day photos. Bad selfies with an uncooperative Keith. Bath bomb and face masks photos. His younger siblings at the beach. Water logged sand castles. Close ups of Keith’s butt just tagged #blessed.
Hunk: photos of Dumbbells and the most adorable cake pops you’ve ever seen. Dumb photos of Lance and himself at a party store getting into the kids costumes. You know those beautiful calligraphy videos that say “fuck you”? Hunk makes those, but instead of calligraphy it’s him piping lettering onto a cake.
Pidge: it’s mostly just photos of her hand flipping off various pieces of technology. Some are advanced machines, some are Ikea flat packs. There’s also a bunch of videos of her shouting “trust fall” as she LAUNCHES herself at one of her friends. Shiro has never dropped her. Matt fucking dodges.
You said you would reveal your identity at 1000 don't fuck me on this bro
I’m NOT going to fuck with you bro!!!!!!!!! Honestly???? I’m so LIT right now off of FOUR LOKO and I hate my life but I will DEFINITELY tell you what the BIZ is after #1000!!!!! I just got emotional for an hour because I was really drunk and made out with 3 different girls in a matter of 30 mins and my life is a wreck! But it’s all good bc my parents are paying for my education but I’m trying to keep it together bc i dont want my frat bros to see that im extremely vulnerable and insecure with myself please somebody help a bro out
“WAIT!” Gordon practically hollered into John’s ear while draping himself over John’s lap, “Where are the pictures?!”
“The picture’s on the cover Gordon,” John said as he held the book aloft his head from shock. “I told you this already.”
“I thought you were joking with me.” Gordon bemoaned as he forlornly looked at the black print on the page, “How am I supposed to enjoy a story without no pictures in it!”
It was not the first time today that John didn’t ask himself how Scott did the big brother thing so effortlessly. He looked down at his younger brother in confusion as to what he was referring to. Then as a soft breeze blew in, it hit him; Gordon is four. He’s only ever seen books with pictures. It’s all he knows.
“The pictures are in your head,” John said gently as he re-positioned his book above Allan’s reach. “Chapter one-”
“I don’t know how to do that~!” Gordon huffed and kicked his feet in agitation, “Can you read me Torchy instead?? THAT ONE HAS PICTURES.”
Breathe John, he thought to himself as he purposely looked at the words in the book, be patient…he’s only four. Convince him and you won’t have to read Torchy fifty times before he gets tired and passes out.
“Weren’t you the one that insisted that I read out loud the story I was reading?” he retorted while giving his younger brother one of his knowing looks, “Allan doesn’t seem to mind. Why not take his example?”
“Alan is a baby and doesn’t know better,” Gordon responded while flopping his feet to the ground and watched as his baby brother casually grabbed his starfish plushie. “I’m watching out for him just as much as I am watching out for me. Besides, I didn’t know the book was broken and had no pictures. That’s not fair Johnny, you should have told me!”
“The book is not broken,” John frowned, doing his best at not getting annoyed with the nickname Gordon keeps using to irritate him. He brought the cover close to Gordon’s face, “Take a good look. That’s Jim Hawkins, that’s what the artist thought he should look like. Remember it and…take a mind picture.”
Gordon glared at the book cover, every once in a while giving his older brother incredulous looks. John let his younger brother hold the book in his hands while he gently re-positioned his baby brother into a more comfortable position. Allan gurgled a few sounds, playfully held up the starfish and noisily sucked on his binkie.
“So, no Torchy?” Gordon asked as John retrieved his book from his small hands.
“It’s either Treasure Island or nap time,” John said as he re opened the book and glanced down at Gordon’s face. “What’s it going to be?”
“Broken book it is,” Gordon sighed as he realized it was the only way to escape the dreaded nap time.
John held perfectly still as Gordon grabbed his hand and glared at the cover once more.
“What is it Gordon?” John’s image responded with a look of annoyance, “And don’t call me Johnny.”
“Fine, read me a story and I’ll stop calling you that.”
“Gordon, you are nineteen. You can read on your own now.”
“But you do it better.” Gordon smiled as he leaned back on the couch and positioned himself to see his older brother better.
“…You shouldn’t be lazy about reading Gordon-”
“OH, is John going to read us a story?!” Allan exclaimed as he rushed to sit adjacent to John’s image, “What are you going to read? Which one?”
John let out an exasperated sigh, “I wasn’t going to-”
“Story, story, story, story~!” Gordon chanted as Allan joined in to John’s dismay.
Since I’ve gotten a few new followers I’m gonna say this: I don’t give a fuck what you ship, what your kinks are. I don’t care. I’m not gonna judge. I’m gonna assume everyone knows the boundaries between real life and fiction until someone shows me they don’t.
I have a book which is about colloquial German and there’s a small section titled “talkin’ shit”, and hey if you ever want some rude phrases to use then here you go!
En: Bro, I can’t stand those two. De: Kumpel, die Beiden kann ich nicht aushalten.
En: What an asshole. De: Was für ein Arschloch
En: What a jerk! De: Voll der Depp!
En: He is full of shit. De: Er hat nur Luft im Sack.
En: She always talks shit about us. De: Sie redet nur Scheiße über uns.
En: Whoa, she’s fuckin’ disgusting. De: Boah, ist die voll eklig.
En: She’s a stuck-up bitch. De: Sie ist ‘ne hochnäsige Zicke.
En: He thinks he’s so cool. De: Er hält sich für was Besonderes.
En: What a traitor! De: Was für ein Verräter!
En: You should see his Twitter page. Totally creepy. De: Du solltest sein Twitterprofil sehen, echt unheimlich.
En: That guy David makes me a little nervous. De: Der David macht mich etwas nervös.
En: Stefanie’s a total kiss-ass. De: Stefanie spielt heute wieder die Analraupe.
En: Watch out for him, he’ll totally fuck you over. De: Pass mal auf, der lässt dich voll im Stich.
En: Don’t let him fool you, he’s just blowin’ smoke up your ass! lass ihn dich nicht täuschen, der bläst dir nur Puderzucker in den Arsch
En: She’ll never be able to make it up to me. De: Die kann’s mir nie wieder gutmachen.
En: Fuck her/She can go fuck herself! De: Sie kann sich verpissen!
En: He’s a total chump. De: Er ist voll die Luftpumpe.
En: She’s just a little cry-baby. De: Sie ist echt nur ein Tränentier/Quälgeist/eine Heulsuse
I feel this goes without saying, but please for the love of god recognise how incredibly colloquial most of these are and do not go using them with people you hardly know unless you’re really pissed off with someone.
OH MY GOSH I WAS BINGE READING ALL YOUR IMAGINES DAMN YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT WRITER COULD YOU DO AN IMAGINE WHERE THE READER HAS POWERS (MAYBE LIKE TELEKINESIS??) AND THEY KNOW EACH OTHER AT SCHOOL BUT DONT KNOW THAT THEY’RE SUPERHEROES AND THE READER IS NEW TO THE WHOLE SUPERHERO THING SO SHE LIKE JUMPS IN BEFORE PETER CAN SAVE SOMEONE AND HE’S LIKE??????????????? AND MAYBE MORE STUFF AFTER THAT?? THANK YOU
“Peter! Peter! Bro, have you heard about the new superhero going around Queens?” Ned asks Peter as he approaches the lunch table. “Yeah, she beat me to some trashy thieves yesterday. Why?” Ned smiles widely before placing a Daily Bugle article on the table.
“IS KINETICA THE BETTER SUPERHERO?!” Peter exclaims. “How the hell is she better than m-uh, I mean him! She barely even showed up last week!” Peter is furious with the article and Ned’s entertained smile makes him even madder. “The article says that Kinetica has done a lot more for the community in the past week than Spiderman has in the past six months, man. You need to step up your game.”
While this conversation is taking place in the cafeteria, you’re struggling with your calculus homework in the library of Midtown Highschool. Since you got your telekinesis powers, you’ve been spending as much time as possible trying to help the citizens of Queens. You don’t know how Spiderman does it. Whether you do your homework during school or after, you’re still losing sleep and your grades have begun to drop from all the time you’re out in the city trying to help. You’re beginning to losing your mind with all the work and physical strain as well as lack of sleep.
When you walk home that day, your friend Peter catches up to you. “Wow, (Y/N), you okay? You’re wobbling,” he says. “Yeah, yeah I’m good, Pete. Barely getting any sleep, that’s all.” He nods and tells you he knows how that feels. Your t-shirt slips down as you adjust your bag and he sees the faint colours of a familiar green and black skin-tight costume. You pull your shirt up before he can see for longer than a second, though. “Hey, (Y/N), can I ask you something?”
“Sure, Peter, what’s up?” you say tiredly.
“What do you think of the new superhero, Kinetica? I think she’s kinda stupid, if you ask me. We already have Spiderman to take care of Queens.”
“Well I think Queens is big enough for both of them,” you say quickly and defensively.
“Can I ask you another question?”
“Sure, Pete, shoot.”
“Wanna team up instead of you stealing all of my bad guys? I could use some help.” He grins as you stop walking.
“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” You say before catching up with him. “One condition, though.” He hums for you to tell him what that may be.
“Swing me home? I’m gonna collapse if I walk any further.” He chuckles and pulls you into an alleyway to change before he swings you to your bedroom window. With an arrangement of him picking you up at eight that night, you both parted ways.
Bro, you are kidding!? You gotta go a T-formation rush after that snap! He set you up for some serious reverse yardage and you’re going to try a fishhook 180 on the strong side? That’s crazy bro, just crazy…