there will be another moments

anonymous asked:

hey, so you're the only person I could think of to turn to. I'm beginning to think I'm nonbinary or maybe a demiboy? I'm not sure, and it's scary and my anxiety goes through the roof when I think about it. I want to express myself as more masculine, but my parents don't approve of me dressing or speaking like that. I don't know what to do, and I can't stop thinking about all of this.

I love you. I think you’re wonderful. Here’s something it might be delightful to know. Being yourself isn’t something you *think* about, it’s something you feel. And really, it’s something you feel your way into for the rest of your life.

Of course it’s ok to be scared. And, it’s ok not to spend another moment thinking about this. We assume that thinking about things will get us somewhere, but it doesn’t. Feeling always does.

“What will they say when they find out???” is thinking. Knowing in your heart who you are and what you love in life is feeling. I wish you all the feelings in the world. 💛💛

I always talk about Jaws and Evil Dead being very big mind blowing moments in my cinema education, but Eraserhead was another. 

I was 14 and I went to the Chicago Comic Convention, and besides comics, I came home with my first bootleg movies. I bought “The Crow” and the dude at the booth threw in a copy of “Eraserhead” because who knows why. Maybe he just wanted to blow a teenagers mind. He did. 

In 1994 seeing Eraserhead wasn’t super easy, you couldn’t just walk into the video store and rent it. The way to see it was to either see it at a midnight screening in the city (not gonna happen for me), or get a bootleg through tape trading or going to a convention. So, it felt like I was seeing something regular people weren’t supposed to see. It almost felt like watching porn.

 I want to reaffirm, it was a BOOTLEG. I am pretty sure it was some transfer from a 16mm or 8mm print that looked like it was soaked in coffee grounds. It also didn’t sound too much better. It really added to the nightmare aesthetics of the film. To this day seeing Eraserhead in its intended clarity is totally baffling to me, like it doesn’t feel right to me, it’s almost like a totally different experience. Watching the ugly version in my parents basement was totally terrifying, and I wasn’t sure what was going on, but even then I knew that more was going on in the film that I could grasp. Thanks to watching Eraserhead I went to the library I got my first book of poetry.  

Waitering lessons with Azusa Part 2
逆巻カナト(CV.梶 裕貴) & 無神アズサ(CV.岸尾だいすけ)
Waitering lessons with Azusa Part 2

Another favourite scene of mine from the tokuten drama cd that I got with the Sofmap bonus of Lunatic Parade. Kanato and Azusa are working as waiters and this scene follows exactly after where the first “Waitering lessons with Azusa” post I made left off, with Azusa continuing to teach an irritated Kanato how to be a waiter. So here’s more of Kanato being 1000% done with everything. I hope you enjoy! ꉂ(′ ॢꇴ ॢ‵๑))

Please do not repost this translation anywhere.

Azusa: Next, you carry the cake you received from the kitchen… to the customer’s table but…. before carrying the cake… it’s good… if you add this.

Kanato: Hey… Azusa… What…. are you doing…?

Azusa: A good luck charm to make it delicious… I’m sprinkling… shichimi togarashi onto it.

Kanato: No, that’s strange, isn’t it? Fresh cream and shichimi togarashi definitely don’t go together, do they not?!

Azusa: Eh? I wonder? But… *munching noises* Mmm… It’s delicious!

Kanato: Hey! Don’t just help yourself to the store’s products! Even though I’m holding myself back!

Azusa: Ah…. I couldn’t resist. Sorry…. Um…. Kanato-san, do you also want to try?

Kanato: I don’t need it! Spicy cake is definitely not tasty.

Azusa: You think? What a waste….

Kanato: That aside, you’re going to teach me various things aren’t you? Could you hurry up and let me finish this?

Azusa: Right… Then, in practice, try carrying…. this cake… to the table.

Kanato: Huh? That’s half-eaten you know.

Azusa: It’s fine. Right now… it’s practice.

Kanato: Ah, is that so.

Azusa: Place this cake… onto the tray…. and then… we need to add the warm coffee. You use a coffee mill… to grind…. the beans. Kanato-san, have a try.

Kanato: No. Since it’s practice, isn’t it fine to just pretend we’ve actually done it?

Azusa: You can’t do that. This… is quite difficult so…. Come on, try it out. Hey, hurry.

Kanato: Tch, I get it. I’ll do it already! Happy now?!

Kanato: Something like this is clearly simple. All you have to do is turn the handle. 

Kanato: Hey…. why does it stop?

Azusa: The coffee beans… might’ve been stuck. You need to turn it… more thoroughly.

Kanato: Tch…. Could you not complain about my actions? Ughhh geez, all of this is such a pain! Please move. Move! Uwaahh!! A-arghhh….

Azusa: A-are you alright?

Kanato: Hey… My apron…. is covered in shichimi togarashi coated cream….

Azusa: Eh? But…. That… was because Kanato-san…. was turning the handle too forcibly…

Kanato: Shut up! Are you saying that I’m the one at fault? It’s because you had to leave such a task to me!

Azusa: Ka-Kanato-san, calm down.

Kanato: Shut up! Shut up! I will not hang around with you any longer! I’m going home!

Azusa: No, you can’t…! Wait…!

Of course, it had been Phinks who proposed an armwrestling contest. Chrollo didn’t see the point. It wasn’t like they’d defeat their enemies by armwrestling them to death. But they were all reunited for the first time, they were all staring at each others in the corner of their eyes, they had nothing to do for the moment, and it was a way like another to make acquaintance.

Chrollo tried to oppose Kortopi on trying. He was just a child, and a conjurer, not the strongest nen type, and Chrollo worried that a shaltering defeat would sap his self-esteem, always fragile at this young age. But the kid insisted to do like the grown ones, this was just a game to him, and he took his inevitable defeat with a laugh and admired even more the manly muscles Phinks was showing off which was, Chrollo was convinced, the real point of all this mess.

They were more concerned about Machi. She was a transmuter, she was supposed to be strong, but she was trying to feel her biceps discreetly as if she doubted their firmness. She was eyeing Uvo, Phinks and Franklin’s arms with anxiety and maybe, a pitch of envy. Chrollo knew she had pecs that broke walnuts, a society talent she was content with, but it wasn’t a chest competition.Thank god.

Machi seemed to be reluctant to blend with the troupe. She got along well with Pakunoda, but it was only the second time they met for all Chrollo knew. She was a proud type, and was apprehensive of losing in front of people she barely knew but would have to rub shoulders with anyway.

She lost against Franklin, and her embarrassment was almost tangible. Phinks, subtle as always, laughed at her and it just made things worst. She was almost shaking with anger and humiliation when Chrollo put their elbow on the table, presenting their opened palm.

“May the best wins!” they said with a smile.

She looked down and waved her hand, almost missed Chrollo’s one, and stuttered : “If sayou… if you say do… say so danchou…”

Ho. She wasn’t at her best and now she had to face her boss. She was so uncomfortable Chrollo sweared they saw her hair turning more pink.

They knew she had all the potential to be a strong and confident woman, but she needed a hand. Quite literally. So when the countdown ended, when they started to push on her wrist, and saw she was still so deconcentrating she couldn’t push back properly, they faked a struggle for victory, and then let her win.

It wasn’t totally cheating. They were sure in a better day and a bit of training she’d beat them. But she really needed to feel confident about her skills. The new glow in her eyes and her little smile said their little attempt was a success…

They stood up to let Feitan take their place. They winked at him and he winked back. Fei and them were friends since they were toddlers, they didn’t need to speak to understand each other, he had seen Chrollo let her win and knew he’d have to…

“Hahaha, take that in your gum, bitch!” yelled Feitan smashing Machi’s wrist on the table.

Okay nevermind.

Chrollo sighted discreetly while taking Machi’s place. At least Machi had beaten her own boss, it wasn’t so bad.

Chrollo grabbed Feitan’s hand, and tried to ignored he pushed half a second before the countdown end.

Feitan had always been strong and proud of it. Well, at least he was stronger than his physique supposed, and more proud than his strength deserved. So Chrollo felt a genuine surprise when they noticed they resisted his force quite easily.

Very easily even.

Wait. They had trained a lot these past months, and Feitan had always been a bit lazy about physical exercises without any killing as a reward. Chrollo couldn’t have become stronger than him without knowing, could they?

They were. It wasn’t good. If they defeated Feitan who had defeated Machi who had defeated them, she’d know something was off.

Ho, well. They didn’t even want to do this armwrestle thing anyway.

They let Feitan beat them, and the guy almost doubled in size under the pride spurt. Since he had already been beaten by the stronger guys, he finished his turn on two victories and just pretended his previous defeats never happened. Phinks tried to remind and shame him, but it slided on his highly-polished ego.

Chrollo watched his fuss and smiled for themselves. Well, a little self-esteem boost was never wrong for anyone.

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Of course, they hadn’t considered the show would start again one day.

When Hisoka joined the Troupe, Phinks immediately felt defied. This guy had something of a coq.

“We need to do the strength rank again!”

“No!” shouted Machi and Chrollo at the same time. They exchanged a look, and Machi had a knowing smile. As time passed she had been able to estimate Chrollo’s brutal strength and she understood the real meaning behind their fake defeat.

“We do!” protested Feitan. He was already warming up his muscles. If Phinks was a coq, Feitan was a very belligerent chick.

“I take Hisoka first,” said Franklin, eyeing Feitan’s game with a concerned look.

Chrollo sighted in relief. If Franklin lost to Hisoka, it meant every rank below the fourth one would be untouched and Feitan wouldn’t have to face anyone. It also meant Franklin was aware the previous rank was a joke, and guessed the whole purpose of their supposed weakness.

Franklin lost and him and Uvoguin shared a conniving look. Maybe Franklin had faked his defeat too. Chrollo heard Bonolenov melodious sigh of relief. He was aware what they all escaped.

Chrollo felt proud of their spiders. The effort they put on sparing their most short tempered member was touching. They were clever people.

“How about me?” asked Shizuku.

Ho, yeah. This one was a newcomer, she had no idea what was going on.

“I take you!” said Chrollo immediately. Feitan who was ready frowned at them. “I’m left-handed too, it’s more fair,” they made-up.

Shizuku didn’t look that strong, but Chrollo had to defeat her so she wouldn’t face Feitan, and he would still keep his pride of defeating the boss if they stayed in the middle of the rank instead of in the bottom. Damn, the strategies they were forced to put on for this little brat.

They faced Shizuku and put so much force they almost broke her arm. Ho. Ok. They didn’t have to worry after all.

Finally the new ranking was settled, Feitan didn’t face anyone and went in a sulk for a week.

It was exactly what Chrollo needed to take every new spider apart and tell them the rules :

1/Spider’s life over individuals’ lives.

2/No fight, flip the coin in case of disagreement.

3/Never telling Feitan the armwrestling ranking is wrong.

4/Never, ever.

______________________________________________________________

Much to their surprise, this secret was the easiest they ever had to keep.

It became obvious that Feitan was a very good fighter no matter his supposed brutal force was. He just rushed to his enemies, his blood lust and self confidence so thick and deadly it almost knocked them off before he even have to touch them.

This is how he defeated Zazan. He complained about his rusted fighting skills, forgetting that actually, he had never been that good.

And it worked.

Machi confirmed. The respect she saw in her companion eyes after she supposedly defeated their boss motivated her to train and becoming, indeed, stronger than she’d ever been.

“A self fulfilling prophecy,” concluded Chrollo.

“The best part about it is, even when I realized it, it kept on working. I have achieved so much, just moved by the sheer conviction I could do it, that now, I know perfectly my limits and now they are real far.”

“It’s fascinating,” muttered Chrollo dreamly. “The Phantom Troupe was in the beginning a story of thievery and murder, and then joined it a story of learning one’s inner strength and the power of friendship.”

“Yeah. i wonder what Feitan would say about that.”

They both imagined the scene.

“We’ll never tell him.”

“Never.”

“Ever.”

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To @erurixpr3ss and our silly conversations :3

2

So … Wait a minute. I feel like the end of the world is soon. Candice liked Grant’s pics, he did it too AND HIS LAST POST ON INSTAGRAM 🔥 *Please God, we need more Candice on his insta, nothing else*
It’s hot, my God. I prayed everytime for this, FOR THIS *laughing*
I think I need to sit down to realize. I’m still shook. It put WestAllen on another level… or Grandice *smiling*, not sure for the moment 😌😌😌

Apologies for my occasional absences, everyone! My birthday is coming up next week on the 27th and there’s a few things that are keeping me busy at the moment. I may plan to do another giveaway soon, although I’m not sure when. So stay tuned!

As usual, my asks are always open if you need any help or advice - I’ll answer them as quick as I can! Please don’t think needing help from me will cause any trouble though, I’m happy to help anyone~!

Shitty borrows Jack’s computer sometimes, that’s nothing new. What’s new is the untitled folder just sitting on his desktop. It can’t be porn. He set up Jack’s porn folder himself. So, he knows it isn’t porn. But who keeps an untitled folder on their desktop?

Jack. Jack Zimmermann keeps an untitled folder on his desktop. An untitled folder filled with pictures and iMessage screenshots of conversations with Bitty. The pictures are mostly of Bitty, though some group shots of SMH and some others are thrown in as well. He has pictures of Bitty baking in the Haus, of Bitty walking across campus completely oblivious to the camera pointed at him, of Bitty doubled over laughing on Jack’s couch. Very rarely does Bitty seem to be aware that he’s being photographed, and yet the lighting is perfect, a calm sort of happiness seems to be radiating off of him. None of them are dated, none of them are titled. Each photo holds a memory of a person in love.

For the first time, Shitty realizes this is exactly how Jack sees Bitty all the time. Like he’s the most precious thing in existence