there are some wonderful people out there in the world

that feeling when you’ve been reading all those gentle soft happy fanfics where everyone is gay and in love and it’s not a big deal and their friends all support them.

and your favourite superhero couples and detectives and kings and warlocks are just domestic and happy.

and then you emerge into the real world and it’s just not like that.

you walk into your job in the morning and know that if anyone knew, you’d be out the door. kids use the word ‘gay’ as a slur and it might be silly but it makes something hurt inside your chest. you look at your mother and think of the words she’d use to cut you with if you told her. the disgust on her face. you have your family around you and you know it could all be shattered in a minute and it would be you who’d done it.

everyone assumes your straightness. people look at you strangely when you use ‘they/them’ pronouns when asking what their fiancé’s name is, bcs you don’t want to make the same mistake that others make with you. you file forms with spaces for the mother’s name and father’s name and wonder how you’d fill them out if you had a partner and a child. you work with children and wonder what they have to hide about themselves.

and then, sometimes, you go home and read some more fanfic. maybe you write some, or draw fanart if that’s your thing. that’s the best thing, that we’re dreaming about a better world. maybe we’re not famous or published or earning money for what we do. but writing and reading fanworks like this helps a heck of a lot of people, including me, feel happy and comforted and like it’s possible that they might belong one day. that it gets better.

thank you, everyone who creates fanworks where being gay is simply treated as normal. your work is healing and wholesome and full of heart and goodness. and much as i may love the canon, it’s not the canon - it’s the fanworks that are a safe haven to retreat to and recover and heal.

Typical Traits of Moon in the Signs

The sign position of the Moon reveals much about our habits, reactions, and instincts. It shows how we express our emotions and deal with them. Most obvious in our homes or in private, our Moon sign reveals our innermost needs.

ARIES:

  • inherent impatience with getting what they want. 
  • plenty of short-lived but intense desires.
  • enjoy troubles and confrontations


TAURUS:

  • very romantic, their affections are strong, deep, and unwavering 
  • resistant to change
  • ability to protect themselves and their own interests


GEMINI:

  • curious to a fault
  • always have a way with words
  • big on improvement, a million and one projects going


CANCER:

  • a large potential to be able to get in touch with the feelings and moods of others 
  • outstanding memories of the past
  • loony sense of humour

 
LEO:

  • like being the centre of attention 
  • they have a deep need to treat others fairly and justly
  • dramatic in their emotional displays


VIRGO:

  • practised at nagging and complaining
  • need to feel useful, express this by helping others in little ways
  • stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection


LIBRA:

  • can be very attractive to be around, and are often given to flirtatiousness 
  • without someone to share their lives with, they feel utterly incomplete
  • idealistic outlook and constant striving for the best


SCORPIO:

  • deep need for emotional drama 
  • strong fear of betrayal, some will put the people they love through a series of tests
  • they radiate strength, people instinctively lean of them


SAGITTARIUS:

  • need for activity, meeting new people, going out in the world, and travel are all important to their sense of well-being
  • catchy optimism, blind faith
  • lovers of the truth, they make wonderful, inspiring teachers


CAPRICORN:

  • plenty of mood swings and some dark emotions,  easily hide their sensitivity behind a sarcastic manner
  • a desire for clear boundaries and realistic goals
  • selflessly helpful in every situation, but become perplexed if not appreciated


AQUARIUS:

  • rather sociable but loners at heart 
  • seemingly lack compassion, as they often expect others to be as independent and detached as they are
  • feel ununderstood and different while growing up, therefore often shy


PISCES:

  • dreamy and not always in touch with reality 
  • mostly rely on their intuition
  • discerned between sincerity and manipulation
THE SIGNS AS ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, I GUESS
  • Aries: "let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!" said robespierre, cutting everybody's heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
  • you could make a rel— no, don't.
  • Taurus: now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let's go on land! "nope, can't walk yet. and there's no food yet, so I don't care"
  • Gemini: tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it.
  • Cancer: get the hell out of here. will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? okay, thanks, bye
  • Leo: ♫the sun is a deadly laser♫
  • Virgo: some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and ♫the ocean is full of plastic!♫
  • Libra: hi, i'm a member of the roman empire, and i was wondering ♫is loving jesus legal yet?♫
  • Scorpio: "Wait!" said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. "if the world is round, let's go this way to india"
  • Sagittarius: who's the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying. you could make a religion out of this.
  • Capricorn: oh, fuck, now everything's dead
  • Aquarius: some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. ♫space dust!♫ which allows for newer and more interesting stars to be made, and then die and explode into ♫even crazier space dust!♫
  • Pisces: hi, you're on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it's water. fuck it. actually, most of it's water. i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat. it's sad. i'm sad. i miss you.

anonymous asked:

what is splitting?

Splitting is defined as a rapid change of emotions, but that’s not very specific. Despite the fact that splitting is an almost universal symptom for BPD individuals nobody really has put out the best description for it. I remember being very confused when I first heard of it and even more confused when my google searches came up without any real answer to what exactly splitting is. Truly the best way to define splitting is to describe it, but it tends to manifest itself in many ways, so I’ll do my best to cover them all.

Rage Split: A sudden anger that courses through the body sometimes without warning. Your chest will tighten and your vision may tunnel. A burning, aching feeling usually blossoms in my rib cage, like my heart is trying to break out and attack. Generally the primary emotion felt is anger. I become downright infuriated at someone or something for what could be no reason at all. This kind of split usually causes me to act impulsively, say things, I shouldn’t say, and lash out violently. It’s almost like catharsis in that it’s a release of emotions, or just this one overwhelming emotion. Sometimes I can’t really remember what I did or said during the split and looking back the memory is usually a blur.

Preparation Split: This is a split that usually isn’t acted on. Usually a scenario is imagined in the head of what somebody might say to you and how you’d respond. You start to gear up for this situation as if it’s actually going to happen. You begin to hate this person in question, despite the fact that what they ‘did/said’ was purely in your head. Then when the time comes and nothing happens you feel almost disappointed. Most importantly however the feelings of imagined anger and betrayal linger.

Isolation split: This is a split brought on by an extreme fear of abandonment and usually blindsides you unexpectedly out of nowhere. You could be at home, in school, at work, or even with friends and have the overwhelming feeling that everybody hates you. Not only that, but you have the desire to prove yourself wrong so you do the most rational (or in this case irrational) thing you can think of in an effort to get somebody to notice you: you cut yourself off. Now, for some borderlines this is just straight up cutting people out of your life aggressively and for no reason and then wondering why nobody is checking up on them. For others this might be withdrawing casually from social groups and conversations, desperately hoping for somebody to notice and ask if their okay. In both cases the borderline is either noticed, which brings on a sort of euphoria, or is unnoticed and will rage split on themselves (self harm, suicide attempts, risky behaviors, etc). 

Those are the main ones that I come across, but here are some little ones!

Sadness split: A sudden feeling that the world had gone cold and empty and that nothing will bring you joy, ever. This could be mistaken as a symptom for depression, but usually these little splits resolve themselves within a matter of days or even hours.

Apathy split: The borderline no longer feels any emotion whatsoever. For borderlines this is a little bit of heaven that quickly turns into hell. We’re so used to experiencing everything at once that we don’t know how to cope with this new numbness, so we try to force ourselves into experiencing something. This may include self harm, dangerous/illegal activities, etc.

Silent split: Like a rage split in that it is anger fueled, but normally the impulsive behaviors are controlled. This is more common in quiet borderlines.

Euphoria split: This is a sudden ‘Everything is good and wonderful! Nothing will ever make me sad again!’ kind of emotion that results from getting the desired attention we crave. Borderlines will then become so wrapped up in this feeling that they neglect their real responsibilities, convinced that they will be okay and not having the permanence to remember the consequences of their actions.

Okay, I think that just about covers it. Just ask if you have any more questions!

3

Interesting find at garage sale- Pat’s letter teddy bear

O.k so while i was at my part time, this church from across our apartment was having a yard sale, my sister tells me she found a cute teddy bear and has gotten it for me, she paid 50 cents for it. Little did we knew that this little teddy bear hold a incredible secrets.

The teddy bear, or as I call him, Pappi, had writing all over him. At first we thought it was some scribble made by little kids, but the more we examined it closely it was an old writing wishing someone well. One thing we noticed is that the teddy bear was presented at 4/15/1944. Guys this teddy is like 73 years old.

There is so much thing that is unusual about Pappi, and here are couple of things we figured out so far.

-It was gifted to a girl name Patula, but everyone calls her Pat. And according to the letters she was a sweet and swell gal.

-All the letters where indicating that she was going away somewhere, one writer stated that they will soon meet at Tulsa.

-Pappi was signed by 25 different people, who really treasured Pat.

- Black inks turn brown over long period of time, so this is as legit as it can get.

-Pappi’s design is highly unusual for a teddy who is from 40′s. He has no sign indicating that he was manufactured. (Such as logo print, or a button with company name engraved to it) Not only that he was made with a cloth instead of being covered with fur like the rest of the teddy from that time period.

Here is an example of type of teddy bear that was common in that time frame, a popular one from the 1940 was the Steiff teddy bears.)

-There is a high indication that Pappi has been hand made by someone from scratch, likely with a sewing machine. Whoever made him ran out of materials and left his arm in a simple floppy design, again i shall mention, is a unusual design choice compare to a popular designs.

-We know for the fact that, Pat adored this bear and treasured it, keeping it such incredible condition for past 70 years.

-It’s possible that Pat is no longer with us.

-And my sister and I know for a fact that Pat’s family saw no value in it and decided to simply toss it at a yard sale.

It’s sad to see such wonderful thing to be thrown out like this, honestly this teddy bear belongs in a museum, not because how old or unusual it is but because of the love put in by the 25 different people and the owner who took such good care of it for seven decades.

But for now, I think this teddy deserves some cuddling.

Whelp, where ever you are Ms.Pat, I adore this really strange, mysterious and sentimental teddy, Pappi gets to see sunshine and travels with me now.

the first few weeks of the justice league actually being a team are probably a fucking nightmare. superman keeps using midwestern expressions. you’re not going to need paper towels to clean this up, you’re gonna need an irrigation system, he says. nobody is entirely sure what that means. aquaman keeps leaving in the middle of fights to go save lobsters from restaurants, because he can’t just let them get eaten, y'know? wonder woman quickly figures out that there’s maybe three people here with any serious combat experience. the flash is just a police officer, man. that’s all he knows. she’s in despair. speaking of the flash, someone made the mistake of giving him caffienated coffee, and now the power’s out. someone tell green lantern that he can’t wear the same gross jacket to every meeting. shouldn’t his space cop uniform keep him warm. who keeps playing ‘mmm whatcha say’ over the speakers. batman keeps disappearing during after battles, and it turns out he’s at the daycare down the street hanging out with the babies. he got bored

THE SIGNS AS ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, I GUESS

Aries: “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
you could make a rel— no, don’t.

Taurus: now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet, so I don’t care”

Gemini: tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it.

Keep reading

Mental Blocks of the Types

So, I am becoming more and more convinced that each personality type has at least one mental block. By this I mean that there’s something that it’s really, really difficult for you to understand simply because of how your brain works. It’s probably possible for you to overcome this, but it’s going to be a difficult road. And people might have more than one, but it seems to me that various types seem to have the same ones. At any rate, lets see.

ESFJ: Being able to separate feelings from people. ESFJs are Fe dominant, which means that they would have a hard time making decisions based completely on logic, especially as regard other people. They’re not at all dumb; on the contrary, ESFJs are extremely people-smart. But this is a mind-block if you’re dealing with people who need logical rather than emotional support. 

ISFJ: Being unkind to others. ISFJs tend to be naturally kind and gracious people. Obviously, everyone has bad days, but to them, that’s not a great excuse for failing to be a sweet person, and while they are so sweet themselves that they’d probably not even be able to tell you what they think of you being such a jerk, they’re definitely going to have a hard time understanding it.

ESTJ: Complaining with no solution. Why would you do this? ESTJs don’t know. And, frankly, I might have an ESTJ-ish streak in my INTP self, because I don’t always know why people do this, either.

ISTJ: Not following instructions. It’s really hard for an ISTJ to figure out why someone would not do something the prescribed way, especially if the instructions are provided. There is a certain way to do things. Why would you deviate from that way? It doesn’t make sense.

ENFJ: Distrusting people. Well, they do understand how people might not trust other people. But they do have a hard time understanding how someone could mistake their niceness for anything but exactly what it is on the surface. People aren’t used to someone friendly, outgoing, and ulterior motive-free, but the ENFJ generally has that sort of personality, and it’s a bit disappointing that not everyone can get that they really are the friendly people they seem to be.

INFJ: Insensitivity. INFJs are pretty aware of everything that’s going on, and they don’t understand how some people can be such dunderheads as to blunder on through a situation leaving a trail of carnage behind them, so to speak. They have a hard time being nice to people who don’t seem to “get it.”

ENTJ: Inefficiency. People ought to be able to do what they’re supposed to do without getting distracted. There is literally no excuse for not doing this. Unless maybe you break your leg. And even then, they might ask just how bad the break was. ENTJs really can’t see why people have to be so frustratingly slow to complete perfectly simple tasks. Procrastination is not something upon which they look with tolerance. 

INTJ: Not being able to grasp big concepts. INTJs have big brains and can get big thoughts easily. So, why can’t everyone else? This mental block makes it hard for them to have patience with people they deem less intelligent than themselves. 

ESFP: Arguing. ESFPs are natural peacemakers. They just want everyone to get along, and they can be genuinely concerned at the tendency of some of the types to argue, even in a fun way. They might try to calm people down, not always realizing that what looks like an heated debate is really just friendly banter in the eyes of the debaters. 

ISFP: The desire to control others. Why can’t people just leave everyone alone to live their own lives as they choose? ISFPs, with their auxiliary Se, have a strong desire to be individual, and it’s really hard for them to understand why others have such a hard time accepting them for who they are. 

ESTP:  Alone time. Well, they can give people their space. But they have a really hard time getting just why some people need so much space. ESTPs don’t see why everyone doesn’t want to have just as good a time as they do. But if not, well, those boring people are just missing out.

ISTP: Not taking the time to understand ideas. ISTPs want to know how a thing works. They aren’t always sure why someone would be okay with just using a system or tool without knowing the why of it. 

ENFP: Always being in a hurry. ENFPs love to stop and ponder the wonderful world around them. They love to pause and talk to people and are pretty much always wonderful and agreeable. It’s hard for them to understand how some people are always rushing around, but they probably aren’t going to berate you for it, even if they don’t necessarily agree that you should be in such a hurry.

INFP: Separating fantasy from reality. It’s not that they don’t know that the real world exists. It’s just that they don’t understand how everyone else can have such a limited view of it. The problem is, half of this “big picture” is really filled in with a wild imagination. It’s cool, but it’s not necessarily accurate. This kind of mental block means that it’s easy for INFPs (and any NP type, really) to be a bit on the snobbish side about their broad perspective. Not cool.

ENTP: No sense of humour. How are there people in the world who don’t get sarcasm? Obviously, they exist, but the ENTP mind doesn’t see a good reason for it. Of course, ENTPs are also surprisingly empathetic, so they might actually say this out loud. But you never can tell when an ENTP will be just a tad bit annoyed at a person for not being able to laugh at themselves.

INTP: The need to chat. Some people enjoy talking about daily stuff, the weather, etc. INTPs don’t tend to be these people, and it’s very hard for them to understand just why folks want to talk. If it’s not about a subject of great interest to them, the INTP is generally more than happy to just remain silent. 

The signs as comebacks/insults

Aries : Remember that time I said I thought you were cool? I lied.

Taurus : You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.

Gemini : Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

Cancer: Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in awhile, but you really abuse the privilege.

Leo : Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

Virgo: Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

Libra : Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

Scorpio : Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d gotten enough oxygen at birth?

Sagittarius : Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?

Capricorn : There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.

Aquarius: I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.

Pisces : Some day you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.

WESTWORLD SENTENCE MEME

  • “ Some people choose to see the ugliness in this world. The disarray. I choose to see the beauty. ”
  • “ Evolution forged the entirety of sentient life on this planet using only one tool: the mistake. ”
  • “ What is your itinerary? ”
  • “ And what do you want to say to your maker? ”
  • “ You don’t know where you are, do you? ”
  • “ You’re in a prison of your own sins. ”
  • “ You want to ask, so ask. ”
  • “ Are you real? ”
  • “ You can’t play God without being acquainted with the devil. ”
  • “ I know how that head of yours works. ”
  • “ We practice witchcraft. We speak the right words. Then we create life itself out of chaos. ”
  • “ He would have us burned at the stake. ”
  • “ That woman in charge is quite formidable. ”
  • “ You can just say ‘bitch.’ I hear it enough. ”
  • “ You’ve died at least a thousand times. ”
  • “  Maybe someday soon we’ll have the life we’ve both been dreaming of. ”
  • “ Has it never occurred to you to run off with her? ”
  • “ Everyone I cared about is gone and it hurts so badly. ”
  • “ The pain, their loss it’s all I have left of them. ”
  • “ I can feel spaces opening up inside of me, like a building with rooms I’ve never explored. ”
  • “ I may be losing my mind. ”
  • “ I think I want to be free. ”
  • “ You sound like a man who’s grown tired of wearing his guts on the inside. ”
  • “ I believe that only the truly brave can look at the world and understand that all of it gods, men, everything else will end badly. No one will be saved. ”
  • “ Maybe we’ve got more in common than I thought. ”
  • “ I imagined a story where I didn’t have to be the damsel. ”
  • “ Never start something you’re not willing to finish. “
  • “ If you’re getting fucked either way, go with the lucrative version…sweetheart. ”
  • “ I’ve been pretending my whole life. Pretending I don’t mind, pretending I belong. ”
  • “ All my life, I’ve prided myself on being a survivor. ”
  • “ It’d be a suicide mission. ”
  • “ At first, I thought you and the others were gods. Then I realized you’re just men. ”
  • “ You think I’m scared of death? I’ve done it a million times. I’m fucking great at it. ”
  • “ How many times have you died? Because if you don’t help me, I’ll kill you. ”
  • “ It’s the human beings who confuse me. ”
  • “ You’re a fucking monster. ”
  • “ Time to write my own fucking story. ”
  • “ At any point, I could blow up or collapse like some dark star or… ”
  • “ Did you hurt them, too? ”
  • “ You both keep assuming that I want out. ”
  • “ If it’s such a wonderful place out there, why are you all clamoring to get in here? ”
  • “ People like you keep spreading over this world like a stain! ”
  • “ You pretend to be this weak, moralizing little asshole, but, really, you’re a fucking piece of work. “
  • “ You helped me find myself. “
  • “ About time you realized the futility of your situation. “
  • “ I’m not crying for myself. I’m crying for you. “
  • “ Time undoes even the mightiest of creatures. Just look at what it’s done to you. “
  • “ The gods are pussies. “
  • “ You needed time. Time to understand your enemy. To become stronger than them. “
  • “ I’m afraid in order to escape this place, you will need to suffer more. “
Let Me Love You

Originally posted by dean-winchester-crush

Let Me Love You by evansrogerskitten

Dean x Reader 

Reader is getting over a bad breakup and ready for a rebound hook up. Thankfully she meets a gorgeous green-eyed stranger who is down for a night of bliss.

Warnings: This is pure Smut. NSFW, Explicit, hook up sex, fingering, oral, anal play, language, alcohol. So basically my usual. | WC: 3183 | On AO3

A/N: This is for @luci-in-trenchcoats‘s 2K Follower Challenge, and an addition to my album challenge for @mrs-squirrel-chester‘s Album Fanfic Challenge. 


I met Sam when he came to the university library one afternoon. He was sweet, funny, and a little nerdy. It seemed like I never met nice guys anymore. And after my disaster of a relationship and subsequent nasty breakup, it was nice to be interested in someone again.

“So you’ve been in Amherst for a few days?” I asked, shuffling through discarded books on the table.

Sam studied the maps in front of us for a moment, before he focused on my question. “Yeah, my brother and I are working here on a job.”

Keep reading

youtube

lmao, in case you wanna hear Ashley Johnson aka Patterson swearing A LOT, here, click the link, because we all know that we don’t get to hear her swear at all in Blindspot

In case some of you have been wondering: Ashley Johnson is the voice of Ellie Williams, the most badass 14 y/o girl out there in the vide games universe. Ellie was born into a destroyed world after a deadly virus outbreak infected and killed tons of people. So basically she has to cross the country from Boston to Utah ON FOOT and on her way she encounters a lot of heavy shit and she swears a lot because zombies are serious stuff. 

The Last Of Us is my favorite game and I’ve played it at least 10 times in both ps3 and ps4 and this game is the main reason I started watching Blindspot. 

So every time Patterson said something, all I could think of was Ellie and her sassy mouth. If you ever get the chance to play this game, and you’re also from the Blindspot fandom, you’ll never stop thinking about Patterson. 

So yeah, enjoy these 3 minutes of Ashley Johnson the Patterson swearing.

WHAT THE FUCK, JOEL.

I should be asleep, but instead I’m awake and writing about you. Let’s continue from where we left off– you said that you were dying. I almost died once. It didn’t hurt, it just all happened so quickly. I was heavily intoxicated and my body doesn’t handle a mixture of drugs, alcohol and a whole can of monster too well– I’m sure that I was brewing a one way ticket to hell inside of my thumping migraine. I did not die. They saved me. Those nurses and that one angel, yeah, they exist too. Maybe you’re one of my angels now. May I write a poem for your wings some day? I learned a few things that day– I’m fragile and my methods of self destruction aren’t healthy for anyone that’s sane. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m stupid, maybe it’s because I’m young, maybe it’s because we’re already dying in some deep and poetic way. I’ve got a lot more to learn, but you are flowing within the earth somewhere lost beneath the interior of who we used to be, I’m trying to piece myself back together and it’s just a little hard nowadays. How do you fight an invisible enemy? How do you surgically remove a tumor that is depression? You can’t and it’s just something that I’ve got to live with. And no, no, no, no, no! There’s no physical pain. It’s all in my damn head. It’s all in my feelings. These emotions will be the end of me. Maybe I take painkillers to numb the pain, maybe I take them just because they make me feel good, but it sucks when 7 pills give the effects of 1. I’m sorta screwed, I’ve built an immunity towards those little suckers. So I take to feel a change, so I pop to forget even if it’s only for a few seconds. Maybe my body won’t keep up, maybe it will. They say that heartache can cause actual chest pain, what do you think? Dear angel of mine, dear reader of the night– my poetry is nigh and your heart is even closer. If I kissed you some day, would you feel lips or words as they press against your forehead? Some questions are just questions, maybe there isn’t a single thing to be said about them. I am tired of writing about love, won’t you take it away from me? In a life that’s close to the middle– we live between two extremes. You are either the pen or the writer. You are either the whole or the broken. You are either the moon or the sun. You are either loved or trying to find love. And if you’re like me and stuck in the in betweens– just know that there’s a way out, there has to be. Some people want to watch the world burn, I just want to burn myself alive with a love that’s too damn bright, that’s not too much to ask for, right? I’m a glitch in the system on my best days, it’s no wonder that I’ve been awake for a whole day and still writing my I miss you’s.
—  I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote this for you.
A Genius Idea {Peter Parker x Fem!Reader}

I’m sorry my requests are coming out so slow. I am never home this time a year. Requests are open!

Prompt: @sassybasiliskvenom : So I want a peter parker x reader and the reader is Tony’s daughter! Also if not too triggering the reader is bullied at school and Peter tells Tony who gathers the Avengers and they come to the school and kinda get really mad at the kids after the kids get really excited because ‘oh my gosh the Avengers are here!’ (oooo and can you please mention them referring to her as like their niece when they come to the school?!) Thank you so much!!

A/N: Honestly my favorite thing is Peter falling for Tony’s daughter so this is perfect. And I tried to work the niece thing but it didn’t come out the way you asked but it’s there.

I also took the liberty of putting the Avengers back together so a little disclaimer

Warnings: bullying (very minor), language, cheesy

Originally posted by gryffinclaw-in-wilde-times

You sat in the parking lot for 15 minutes. You were still trying to muster up enough courage to walk into school. There was no way you were going to be able to survive the day without one of them coming over and attempting to ruin your life in increasingly creative ways. 

Finally, after 5 more minutes of trying to convince yourself, you walked into school. The day was going well, too well. And gym class was the perfect time to have it ruined. Now gym class was never a horrible class for you until you met the ever famous gym stars. A gym star is someone who may or may not be an athlete who tries super hard to be impressive in gym class. 5th-period gym was not only filled with overachievers but also the two girls that hated you most. Luckily they spent their time away from you today and you could quietly enjoy a game of volleyball on the opposite side of the gym. The side away from the locker rooms. 

You were unaware of their strike until you open your locker. Your gym bag was full and didn’t fit in your locker so you set it to the side. Giving the girls their chance to ruin your day. MJ walked over to you with a wadded up ball of paper towels. 

“You’re gonna need these,” she said once she passed them to you. You stared at her confused until she pointed towards the toilets. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” your voice was too calm. MJ put her hand on your shoulder trying to calm the storm raging inside. Your shoulders slumped and you went to retrieve your clothes. You literally had to wring them out they were so wet and you couldn’t help but feel a tear run down your cheek. 

You made your way to lunch as bravely as you could. First, it had been words, simple insults nothing you were going to let bother you. But it escalated quickly, honestly, you were starting to believe you deserved it. But at the same time what did you do to deserve any of this?

You slid across the bench next to Peter. He looked at you a frown.

“You do know it’s 15 degrees outside?”

“Yeah I’m well aware,” you snapped at him. He looked at you with concern. You opened your bag and pulled out your soaked jeans. 

“Again?” he asked with sadness in his voice. You nodded slowly. Peter gritted his teeth and sat up straight. “I can’t believe you just go on with your life. How can you let them get away with that? You’re (Y/N) Stark for God’s sake!”

“Peter…”

“(Y/N), I am not going to sit here and let them take advantage of you!” Peter stood up and scanned the cafeteria. You just tugged on his shirt, begging him to sit down. He sat down in a huff. You leaned on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around you. 

“It’s ok. I promise,” you said with as much confidence as you could muster. Peter didn’t believe a word but he had a plan.


That evening at the Avenger’s Tower, Peter devised the ultimate plan. He sat down with all of them and explained the situation. Tony was the first to have an outburst.

“And she didn’t tell me!” Tony was pacing. Everyone else looked just as concerned. You were family and they were going to do anything to help. 

“What are we supposed to do? Beat up a bunch of teenage girls?” Natasha asked completely serious. “I’ll do it just tell me who to punch.” Peter shook his head ‘no’, Nat frowned.

“Um, yeah let’s not do that. I was thinking you could just scare them. I know it’s not what you usually do, just do what you do best: protect.”


The next day was great, relatively speaking. You had no idea of Peter’s crazy plan until you pulled into the parking lot that morning. All the Avengers were standing in a pack in front of a crowd of teens. All the kids begging for photos and autographs. Even the people who relentlessly bullied you stood there begging for photos. If only they knew. Sure they knew you were a Stark but they had no idea that you were so close with the others. 

Peter kept walking a huge smile on his face. You, on the other hand, made your way to the crowd. Your dad caught you out of the corner of your eye. Your eyes widen to the size of basketballs. 

‘What are you doing here?’ you mouthed to him. His mask was down but you know he saw you. Kids continued to ask for autographs and photos while Peter walked over to you. Your dad lifted his mask.

“Now you’re probably wondering why we’re all here. Our job as the Avengers is to protect people the evil of the world,” you rolled your eyes, but he kept talking. “Some people here need that protecting from certain evils such as being stuffed in lockers or having their clothes flushed down the toilet. Those who commit such acts will have to deal with us and I really don’t think you want to do that.” Your dad smiled at the girls who had been causing your anguish for the past couple months. They shrunk away, trying to leave unnoticed, while other students looked uncomfortable. Some kids cheered as they watched certain people leave, their guilt apparent. Peter squeezed your hand, you hadn’t even noticed him standing there. He was beaming with happiness and pride.

The Avengers stood and talked with some lingering students. But you began to walk away with Peter still holding your hand.

“Did you plan this?” you asked with a smirk on your lips. 

“I don’t know who planned it but it was definitely the work of a genius.”

“Thank you,” you said quietly. Peter stopped walking and turned to face you.

“You’re very welcome!” he sounded so happy, the pride in his voice evident as well. You leaned in to give him a hug and you rested your head on his shoulder. 

“I love you,” you whispered. But the bell rang and you quickly kissed his cheek. “See you later Peter!”

“See ya- wait what- What was that?! (Y/N)!” he called after you but you were already inside. Peter smiled anyway and whispered to you even though you were already out of sight, “I love you too.”

Reasons Jacob Kowalski is Amazing

WARNING Contains Fantastic Beasts Spoilers!!!

Ok, so am I the only person who thinks Newt is utterly adorable, BUT actually likes Jacob Kowalski better in pretty much every way?

1) Jacob is the first really positive Muggle/No-Maj character we’ve had in the Potterverse, and I didn’t even realize that was missing, much less how desperately I needed it, until I saw Fantastic Beasts. I mean:

-Vernon and Petunia Dursley are portrayed as boring, stupid, unattractive, bigoted, and abusive.
-Dudley is better than his parents by the end of the series, but his scenes at the beginning (where he’s a nasty, ignorant bully) are pretty frequent, and once he starts growing as a person, he’s less integral to the plot, so we don’t see much of him acting decent.
-Piers (Dudley’s friend) is described as looking scrawny and rodent-like, and from what we see of his personality, he’s selfish, cruel, and cowardly.
-Tom Riddle Sr. abandoned his wife and unborn child when he discovered his wife was a witch.
-Hermione’s parents seem nice enough, but are barely featured at all.
-Filch, while not a Muggle, is a Squib, so he also doesn’t have magic. He is described as ugly, vindictive, and cruel.
-Mrs. Figg, also a Squib, is definitely a well-meaning person, but she’s portrayed as a little loopy, the stereotypical “crazy cat lady.” 

Meanwhile, Jacob is a central character who is sympathetic, kind, multi-faceted, funny, interesting, creative, has unique hopes and dreams, and his—not Newt’s—is the big romantic relationship in the film.

I was talking to someone about this—how the Potterverse was practically starved for positive Muggle characters before Fantastic Beasts—and they pointed out how most of the audience is (presumably) made up of Muggles, so having a non-magical character we can relate to is pretty important. I started thinking about that, and I realized it’s kinda true. A lot of Potterheads consider ourselves witches and wizards, and by default any non-fan—especially one who is dense or disrespectful—is a “Muggle.” I thought about how devastated I was when I didn’t get my Hogwarts letter at age 11, and now I wonder how much less upset I would have been if we’d had a Jacob Kowalski in the series from the get-go.

2) The way he reacts to magic. Ok, so he freaks out at first, but who wouldn’t? I love how quickly he accepts magic, and how he reacts to all magic he sees after that… like, he just sort of goes, “Oh, that’s a thing? Oh hey, that’s just great!” Like, magic obviously makes him really, really happy, but he doesn’t spend a lot of time goggling over stuff like Harry did at first. He just lets it all roll over him. He never takes it for granted, like the Weasleys or other people who grew up surrounded by it, but after the initial shock, he just accepts that all this wonderful stuff exists and immediately takes advantage of all the little practical ways it can improve his life (self-stirring cocoa, magic strudel, et cetera). He’s so open to trying everything new. No hesitation. Even with stuff that seems scary like some of Newt’s creatures, he’s just like, “Oh, this huge tentacled creature out of a Lovecraftian nightmare wants me to pet it, sure, I guess that’s cool.” I just adore how accepting and open he is about this whole world of crazy stuff he never knew existed.

3) He’s ridiculously handsome, honestly. As a bigger person myself, I love love love seeing physically attractive heavyset characters. Like, I wouldn’t kick Newt out of bed either (what sane person would?), but my Fantastic Beasts crush is definitely Kowalski. He’s dapper as fuck, with the hair and the mustache and the suit; his smile is like sunlight, and his eyes are so friggin’ gorgeous I can’t even start. He’s simultaneously adorable and sexy, and like, seeing a character like that makes me so much more confident about my own body. 

4) The relationship between Jacob and Queenie. Not only is it super adorable, but please note how unusual it is for mainstream films. In most big Hollywood movies, it would go like this: “Tina and Queenie both crush on Newt (who is the leading man, the “hero” type, and the more generically “attractive” male) and get into a sort of contest about who can impress him more. Jacob likes Queenie right away, but stays out of her way because he wants her to be happy and figures he doesn’t deserve her. Near the end, Queenie finally accepts that Tina and Newt belong together, and then realizes that Jacob has been there for her the whole time,” yada yada. But no. Queenie sees Jacob and there’s this instant spark. You can see her eyes light up a bit the minute they meet. There’s never a moment where she’s like, “You’re a really sweet guy, but…” It’s not necessarily “love at first sight,” but there’s definitely “strong mutual attraction and some serious sexual chemistry at first sight.”

5) The bromance with Newt is almost as adorable as the flirtation with Queenie. It’s so wonderful to see two male characters deeply care for one another, and even show unashamed physical affection, without them being portrayed as gay.* Mind you, there’s nothing wrong with gay characters (obviously) and generally I’m all for more queer representation in film, but it bothers me that apparently “straight men can’t have strong emotional bonds.” It has a lot to do with toxic masculinity: men can’t show affection towards one another unless they’re gay (i.e. unless they’re “girly”), because having emotions is a “female thing.”

*I know that Kowalski x Newt is a semi-popular ship, but I don’t think there’s a lot of canonical evidence for it, and given that we know Newt eventually marries Tina, and Jacob and Queenie have mad chemistry going on, it feels pretty OOC to me.

6) His dreams of opening a bakery. I can deeply relate to having a dream career that seems unachievable for financial reasons, but you still strive for it, because there’s nothing you love doing half as much, and it feels like you’re just meant to do it. And I love how this guy who seems really generically masculine at first glance has a passion for something as “feminine” as baking. Plus, though I’d never really considered baking as an art form before, it obviously is to him. He clearly doesn’t think of himself as a creative type—“I ain’t got the brains to make this up”—but he couldn’t be more wrong. What he does with all the fantastic creatures made of pastry at the end proves it. Yeah, he didn’t make up Nifflers and Bowtruckles and such, but having a vision of something in your head isn’t the same as bringing it to life, in 3D, in such a unique (and temporary!) medium. Newt may have shown him the creatures he modeled them off, but the whimsical charm each little pastry has is all Jacob’s own.

Also, I adore why he wants to be a baker—he wants to make people happy, in whatever small way he can, and that’s beautiful. I can’t imagine a more perfect reason to follow a dream than to bring charm and joy to a grey world.

7) Pretty much everything else about him, period, because this man is overall incredible and perfect.

Seriously.

7 Thoughts about Power Rangers

On August 28, 1993, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers premiered on Fox Kids. I was eight years old and whether or not I was the intended demographic for the show, I was instantly hooked. It all started with five teenagers with attitudes summoned by Zordon to defend the world against evil forces led by intergalactic baddie Rita Repulsa. Jason Lee Scott (Austin St. John), Kimberly Ann Hart (Amy Jo Johnson), William “Billy” Cranston (David Yost), Trini Kwan (Thuy Trang) and Zack Taylor (Walter Jones) called on the power of the ancient dinosaurs and became a team of superheroes called the Power Rangers and the world was never the same.

Nearly twenty-five years later, those of us who became acquainted with the Power Rangers discovered there would be a reboot of the franchise in the form of a gritty re-imagining of the original team. While initially thrilled about the idea of seeing my childhood superheroes on the big screen, a part of me wondered just how loyal this new film would be to the original source material. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was a totally kick-ass TV show but even the most die-hard fan has to admit there were some problematic elements in regards to the original series, many I will address later on in this recap.

On March 31, 2017 a couple of friends and I went to our local theater and saw the new film, Power Rangers. One of my friends admitted he was not even born when the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers first debuted and my other friend announced he would have been too old to watch such a show despite only being four/five older years than me. I expected them both to hate it and even braced myself for disappointment of epic proportions. The three of us exited the theater two and a half hours later each raving about how amazing the film was. Below, I will list seven thoughts I have in regards to the film. For those who have not seen the Power Rangers, there will be spoilers in this post. You have been warned…

  1. In the original series, Zack, Trini, Billy, Kimberly and Jason all knew each other and were the best of friends before becoming the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. In the latest film, our heroes know of each other before discovering Zordon (voiced by Bryan Cranston) but they are certainly not friends. Jason (Dacre Montgomery) is a football star before he winds up in detention (and with an ankle bracelet) after a brush with the law. It is in detention where he meets Billy (RJ Cyler) and Kimberly (Naomi Scott). Trini (Becky G) is a recent transplant in Angel Grove and Zack (Ludi Lin) is a loner who rarely attends class. Instead of Jason being the rallying force behind the five teens coming together, it’s actually Billy who is responsible for the event that eventually leads them to each other…and the power coins.
  2. These ain’t your older brother and sister’s Power Rangers. Our heroes have been re-imagined as more of a modern day Breakfast Club. Jason is a star athlete who loses everything after a prank gone awry. Jason is prone to fits of anger which often-times leaves him incapable of leading the team. However, underneath all of the muscle and bravado there’s a good guy there will a strong moral core who feels the weight of fear, a fear of disappointing those he cares about, most importantly his father (David Denman). Our dear Kimberly, like Jason, used to be one of the popular kids until a sexting scandal rendered her an outcast at Angel Grove High. Billy is a bullied autistic teen who spends a lot of time at the rock quarry because it reminds him of his dad. Trini, the new girl, wrestles with the fact she is not normal like her parents and her two brothers. Zack is trying to deal with the fact that his mother is sick and could possibly die. Instead of our rangers having that established relationship with each other, we get to see them get to know one another before tapping into the power that will ultimately transform them into the Power Rangers.
  3. One of the things my friends and I would joke about in regards to the TV show was how Jason, Trini, Billy, Zack and Kimberly always were together wearing clothing the same color as their respective ranger identities. Anyone with eyes and a shred of common sense in Angel Grove could have put two and two together and figured out these five were the Power Rangers. The movies pays homage to this concept by having each of the rangers wear a pop of color corresponding to their ranger’s color. It’s both effective and subtle.
  4. Morphing is like totally hard, you know? The five of them discover the hidden power coins in the rock quarry and develop superhuman abilities almost immediately. Summoning the armor they will ultimately don in their battle against Rita Repulsa and Goldar takes a lot of time and even after a lengthy training montage (WE NEED A MONTAGE!!!!) our teenagers with attitudes are still not successful in becoming the rangers. I actually like this idea of them not being able to become rangers right away because it forces our characters to learn one another. A team is only effective when it accesses the strengths and weaknesses of it’s individual members. It is only after they are able to truly bond with each other they are able to tap into the power that morphs them into Power Rangers.
  5. Rita Repulsa is freaking terrifying. So yeah, the original Rita Repulsa was a total bad-ass but I never really found her particularly scary. The film’s version of Rita Repulsa (Elizabeth Banks) is wicked and not above murdering any and everyone who gets in her way. Rita even goes as far as to kill one of the rangers. No joke. Another added detail I quite enjoyed about the character was how she was the original Green Ranger who served alongside Zordon, the original Red Ranger. This also makes me wonder, when they debut the Green Ranger in the sequel (of course there will be a sequel) will it be Tommy Oliver…or Tommie Oliver?
  6. The Zords were awesome. I enjoyed the sleek look of the design and their free range of movements. In the TV show, most of the Zords were reminiscent of actual tanks and were big and blocky and a bit cumbersome. One of my favorite moments in the film was the creation of the Megazord and how each Power Ranger controlled a particular part of the machine, i.e. the legs, arms, etc. It really took some coordination between all five rangers in order for them to control Megazord.
  7. The last thing I want to address in regard to the Power Rangers film is how cool it was to see a black nerd character on the big screen. Growing up, I always resonated with the character of Billy because my favorite color was blue and Billy was very intelligent and he wore glasses. Billy was this nerd character who was accepted by those we would call popular. As the resident science geek, Billy also plays a vital role to the team. Another thing I thought was pretty cool was Billy being autistic in the film. I was talking to a coworker of mine yesterday and we were talking about the importance of having visibility in regards to autism in TV and film. Her son is autistic and how coll is it he has someone like him on the big screen as a superhero. Another thing I would also like to point out is the importance of having a LGBT character in the film. Trini is not only the new girl but she also likes girls and because of her sexuality she feels somewhat detached from her family. I also detected a bit of something brewing between Trini and Kimberly. Then again maybe it was all in my head. However, I was so glad they did not play out any kind of romance between any of the rangers in this film. I know there were talks about Kimberly and Jason possibly being romantically-involved in the film which would be a great departure from canon but first and foremost Power Rangers has always been the story of a group of friends coming together to save the world. I would be interested to see if future films do further address Trini’s sexuality because how great would it be to see a young woman fully embracing her sexuality and being a total bad-ass in the process. I know there will be a part of the fandom who will wonder why there needed to be an autistic ranger or a lesbian ranger. Some will even ask, why did they have to make Billy black? These are the same people who flip out whenever there is a character introduced on Sesame Street who has two dads or two moms or a parent that’s incarcerated. Representation is so important because in order to eradicate homophobia and racism and bigotry in our society, we have to acknowledge these people exist! So thank you Power Rangers for going there.

I am thirty-two years old and I have never felt more like that eight year old sitting on the floor of my living room watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers than I did last night sitting in that movie theater. I recommend Power Rangers to all of you who share the same memories as I do in regards to the TV show. Even if you were never a fan of the show, the story is amazing, the acting was great and it was packed with action. My friends and I definitely had a great time and this is a film I would definitely consider seeing again in theaters and also purchasing once it comes out on DVD. If you have any thoughts or comments in regards to my thoughts, fill free to comment. GO-GO-POWER RANGERS!

One Day at a Time is the newest Latinx family sitcom which features a very important LGBT storyline. Latinx LGBT characters are still rare in today’s media even while LGBT stories are being featured more and more. One of the most recent Latinx LGBT characters was Santana Lopez from Glee. Santana Lopez’s storyline was one of the most amazing that I’ve seen in a long time. First off, Santana was played by Latina actor Naya Rivera. Something The L Word failed to do not once, but twice, casting non-Latinx actors for both Carmen and Papi.

Santana Lopez was a Latinx character, but unfortunately being Latinx wasn’t a part of her except for random references and poorly used Spanish that was played for laughs. The one instance that I think many gay Latinxs can relate to was her coming out scene with her grandmother. The first time I watched it (cause I have seen it more than once) was something many of us have either faced or dreaded. Coming out and having the person you loved the most reject you because of who you are and who you love.

In that coming out scene I found one common thread between many Latinx coming out stories. That part of being rejected was the religious part and how being gay was wrong, but also in being out. It became a problem when you told people and were out. For some gay Latinxs they are out to their families, but it isn’t something you speak about. The family pretends it doesn’t exist and instead your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner turns into your best friend of seven years.

This is where One Day at a Time deviates. Elena Alvarez is the daughter of Penelope and is seen as a smart young woman who understands what she wants from the world. Elena’s coming out process begins in the middle of the season when she begins to wonder how to come out to her family. How to explain that she might like guys and girls and eventually her acceptance that she only likes girls. Her fear of coming out and Penelope’s reaction to her is one of the most touching that I’ve seen. You understand it from both sides. Elena’s need to be accepted and Penelope’s fear for her daughter and their own relationship.
The line that hit me the most was when Penelope says “It’s just that now that it’s my daughter. It’s different,” because that’s how my mom reacts to gay things. In high school I had two gay friends, at least two that were out, and she loved them. The problem was that as I got older she began making it clear that other people could be gay, but I couldn’t be. I’m still not out to her because I know the problems it would cause. Penelope eventually talks to friends and  does research on Autostraddle to try and educate herself more so she can be comfortable with it, but it’s a process. The most important thing is that she makes it clear that she doesn’t love Elena any less, but Penelope worries about her Lydia will react.

Lydia’s reaction and eventual acceptance is one of my favorite parts because Lydia has been established as a devout Catholic. Being Catholic is a big part of her Cuban identity and homosexuality is considered a sin in Catholicism. But her own process is intertwined with her religious beliefs. She believes that God makes everyone in his image and he doesn’t make mistakes along with Pope Francis who stated “Who am I to judge?” She uses her religious beliefs to accept Elena instead of judging her and it shows a new side to the argument. One that Latinxs don’t usually face. One where religion is used to support them instead of shun them.

Storylines like these are important because Latinxs, and especially young Latinxs, need to see that they can be accepted and loved by their families. That when they come out they won’t be immediately kicked out of their families for who they are. One Day at a Time in the end shows that above all families love each other no matter who they are.

The summer of his fifteenth birthday, Dudley Dursley is woken up almost every night by cries of “DON’T KILL CEDRIC, PLEASE, DON’T KILL CEDRIC” coming from his cousin’s room. He taunts his cousin about it of course, because that’s just what he does. But sometimes the cries still echo in his head, and he wonders about this Cedric.

Two years later his parents and him are forced out of their house because some bad wizard is after his cousin. He doesn’t understand what it all really means, but for the first time he understands the seriousness of that world his cousin is part of. And once again those cries of “don’t kill Cedric” fill his head.

He doesn’t see his cousin for two years after that, but whenever he passes a group of funny-looking people wearing robes on the street he tries to catch bits of conversation, waiting to hear something about Harry (he doesn’t know much about his cousin, but he does know he is some kind of a celebrity in the wizarding world). He doesn’t learn much except that there was a war and Harry played a role in putting an end to it.

One day he works up the courage to ask a group of those people if they know where he can find Harry Potter. Some old wizard tells him Harry Potter’s been known to be staying at his godfather’s old house, 12 Grimmauld Place.

On Harry’s nineteenth birthday, Dudley sends him a card. It doesn’t say much, just “Happy birthday. - Dudley x”. Then a few months later, on Halloween night, Dudley has drunk one too many glasses of wine, and he decides to just pay a visit.

When he gets there of course he can’t find number twelve, so he just stands there in the street and cries out Harry’s name until Harry hears him. Harry is home alone, and a half-drunk glass of something that looks like whisky is sitting on the table.

“What are you doing here, Dudley?” Harry asks. He sounds tired.

“I’m not sure. How’ve you been?”

They stay up all night talking. It’s awkward at first, but there’s something comforting about talking to someone you know next to nothing about, and they end up getting a lot off their chests. Dudley tells Harry about the fight he got into with his parents, and how they cut him off as a result, and how he has to work a job as a cashier to pay his rent. Harry tells him a bit about what’s been happening in the wizarding world those past few years, and Dudley suddenly has a lot of respect and admiration for his cousin.

At some point, Dudley asks to know about that Cedric bloke Harry used to talk about in his sleep, and Harry tells him about how Cedric died. Dudley thinks how unfair it is to die this young, and to die as a ‘spare’.

The next morning, Dudley shakes Harry’s hand before leaving. He even gives him a little smile.

They decide to make this a monthly thing where they get together and talk about what’s happening in their respective worlds.

Seven years later, Dudley is married and his wife is pregnant with a boy.

When the baby is born, and they cut the umbilical cord, the cord grows back almost immediately. The doctors are astonished but Dudley just laughs between tears of joy. He’s got a wizard for a baby. And he’s beautiful.

A week later Harry comes to visit, to see the baby. It’s the first time he’s been to Dudley’s place, they always used to meet up at his place (he’s moved from Grimmauld Place since he’s been living with Ginny, and now young James and Albus). Dudley introduces his wife Amelia, who’s only recently had to find out about the magical side of Dudley’s family, and is both excited and a bit freaked out.

“And this,” he says as Harry picks up the baby, “is Cedric”.

Harry looks up questioningly, and Dudley gives him a small smile, that exact same smile he gave him the morning after that Halloween night he came drunkenly shouting his name in his street ,all those years ago.