there are probably thousands of people who have already done this but

Do you ever think about how wild the public perception of victuuri must be??

Like ok. Characters first.

Victor Nikiforov, who is considered to be this flirty playboy. He’s the perfect skater; elegant, refined, amazing jumps, spins, step sequences. He has it all, and he’s won it all. I bet you everybody thought Victor and Chris were fuckin or something b/c they’re obviously friends and you know what the media is like. 

Victor is such a private person; he’s really skilled in telling you everything while saying nothing. He’s got incredible press skills. I bet the media must be starving for another side of Victor–his love life most specifically. The playboy thing is most likely an exaggeration tabloids put together, and it sorta just caught on. All these reports of Victor being seen with so and so must mean he’s seeing them, right?

Victor has been called selfish before. It’s probably a very common belief that he’s quiet and serious and really only cares about himself and the ice. This cannot be further from the truth, but it’s how people see him. An immaculate god.

Then, Yuuri Katsuki. He’s sort of reclusive and doesn’t interact much. There’s not much on any of his social media accounts; the opposite of Victor. While Victor delivers constant content, Yuuri hides away. He avoids people, doesn’t really interact with fans, and seemingly snubs other competitors. 

People think he’s arrogant. Yuuri looks away from others like they’re not worth his time, which is totally uncalled for considering he can’t land his jumps, right? Yuuri’s spins and footwork are amazing, but he always falters technically. He gets a lot of flack from the press and the public for this; they say he’s mentally weak, he’s a mediocre skater at best, he should just stop trying. At times, Yuuri even believes them.

The beloved, sexy ice god versus the shy, weak underdog. 

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Traffic lights are killing kink fic

Dramatic title, but this rant has been building for some time and I need to get it off my chest. Friends, fellows, lovely fic writers: kink fic in fandom lately sounds like someone is reciting a How To BDSM 101 manual and it’s really starting to grind my gears.

It seems lately that, more often than not, any fic I open with even the teeniest bit of kink spends about half the fic being excruciatingly boring and samey about making sure everyone is on the same page when it comes to consent and who is spanking who in bed. As an Actual Real Live Kinky Person, let me tell you about some things that are seriously pissing me off.

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PLEASE INCLUDE DISABLED PEOPLE IN YOUR ACTIVISM.

(note: I’m not gonna talk about Trump mocking Serge Kovaleski primarily b/c Kovaleski does not ID as disabled and does not want to be used as a political talking point. Which is fair.  yes, it was awful. no, you don’t get brownie points for agreeing with me that it was awful. Disabled people have evolved to have thick skin, and a politician mocking us is not new or unsurprising. this list will deal with policy and specific issues facing the broader disability, autistic, d/Deaf//HoH, and neurodivergent communities.)

(other note: I generally use adjective-first language but I probably also used person-first language in here somewhere. I personally prefer to use the former for myself but I respect that other people in this community use different language.)

-the federal site for IDEA has been taken down

-all mentions of disability rights have been deleted from the website

-betsy devos had no idea what the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act was when asked and stated that standards for accommodations in education should be left up to the state (this is a TERRIBLE idea)

-if Obamacare is repealed, we have the most to lose. Most of us will not be able to afford medical expertise or treatment to maintain a basic quality of life. Some of us will die.

-he called one of his books Crippled America. Unironically. Ugh. 

-the january 2017 unemployment rate for nondisabled civilians was 4.9. For disabled civilians, it was 11.0. These numbers do not reflect the number of disabled individuals who work inadequate part time jobs, who are institutionalized, or have given up looking for work.

-the US still has not signed the UN documents about the rights of People with Disabilities. 

-Justices like Justice Kennedy have historically been swing votes on cases involving disabilities. Justices like Scalia have not. Potential Supreme Court Justice Gorsuch has a very ugly disability rights record, which includes defending a college that fired a professor undergoing chemo when she requested to give her lectures over skype (there was a flu going around on campus and being there would put the staff member in danger due to her suppressed immune system)

-By the time he was elected, Donald Trump had already dealt with at least eight lawsuits concerning lack of basic accessibility (ramps, braille) on his properties

-the Supreme Court case legalizing the sterilization of potentially disabled people without their consent (Buck v. Bell) has never been overturned and has been cited as a legal precedence in a lower court as recently as 2001.

-the Judge Rotenburg Center is still using painful electric shocks on disabled students as punishment, despite the FDA advising them to stop more than two years ago.

-similarly, many disabled people are not  paid federal minimum wage b/c section 14c of the “Fair Labor Standards Act” is still on the books and so hundreds of thousands of disabled peoples’ wages are “proportional” to their productivity (compared to an abled worker). Goodwill is one of the most famous companies that exploits this loophole.

-the already gutted SSDI program is even more at risk-Trump has spoken about emulating the British reforms for their disability program. Off the top of my head, I can think of nine or ten different people who died as a result of the recent “fit to work” assessments and bedroom requirements in the UK.

-disabled people depend on the Department of Justice’s civil rights division to enforce the ADA and protect us from blatant discrimination. Trump has already proven that he does not care about the funding or effectiveness of the department, and is willing to destabilize it to forward his political goals. 

-Donald Trump is anti-vax and is complacent to that movement’s violent and intolerable rhetoric surrounding autistic and other neurodivergent individuals

-Sessions called disabled children protected by federal laws (like IDEA) “the single most irritating problem for teachers throughout America today”. In this same statement, he stated that he did not “remember hearing of gun shootings prior to 1975 when Congress began telling ten percent of our students [they] are not responsible” (the IDEA was passed in 1975, improving the way disabled children were treated at public schools)

-the new administration’s refusal to address fatal police brutality is also an issue of disability rights, given that around half of victims shot by police officers are disabled or neurodivergent. (like eric garner, who had asthma) 


In case this list didn’t clue you in: the disabled community is scared. We don’t know what to expect from the next four years, we still haven’t come close to equality, and we are usually left to fight our battles alone. That’s why I’m asking whoever reads this to stand with the disability community against ableism and against policies that will kill us. People have done a great job in the past few weeks of expressing solidarity with muslims, immigrants, refugees, latinx people, LGBT people, and black people. And, honestly, that’s great. Thank you and please keep doing it. But also be aware that disabled people are one of the most vulnerable demographics right now, and be aware that we’re also one of the most ignored. We are made invisible by the media and by society too easily. Please, you have to see us and you have to stand with us. 

Looking back on history, it’s impossible not to notice that people with disabilities don’t fare well in authoritarian regimes. Please help us make this time different.

Important Things to Remember about Van Hohenheim:

  • He was born as a slave and manipulated into being involved in the genocide of his own race, then forced to live with the burden of having an immortal body filled with the crying souls of the thousands of people who had died.
  • He devoted at least a couple of centuries conversing with over 500,000 souls, getting to know each and every one of them, befriending them, and cooperating with them.
  • Hohenheim did not leave his children alone. He left them in the (more than capable) hands of Trisha, where he knew they would be raised well. He trusted that Trisha would be able to explain his absence to Ed & Al without revealing the truth about his body. He couldn’t have anticipated her death, and as he was travelling the entire country he had no way of keeping in contact with Trisha to check that she and their sons were doing ok (this is assuming the Elrics didn’t have a telephone).
  • Hohenheim had difficulty interacting with people, even his own family. He would probably have a very hard time writing letters back home, or talking to Trisha on the phone. He more than likely thought it best to keep his distance 100% until he could return home for fear of ruining any of his relationships with his family.
  • Hohenheim was immortal and had already lived for hundreds of years. A year or two probably wouldn’t have seemed like a long time to somebody with such a huge lifespan. Hohenheim likely still pictured his sons as young children, even after 10 years of not seeing them.
  • When Hohenheim returned to Resembool he expected to be greeted by the love of his life and his two young boys standing at the doorway to his family home. Instead he found a pile of burnt rubble, Trisha’s grave, Edward’s automail, and Alphonse’s empty body.
  • He completely blamed himself for Ed and Al’s attempt at human transmutation and subsequent injuries. He understood that they were lonely, grieving children and in his eyes the fault was all down to him and - taboo or not - the brothers had not done anything wrong.
  • Despite being the most powerful character in the FMA universe, Hohenheim was a pacifist and did not fight or injure a single person in the whole series.
  • He always put everyone else before himself.
  • The things which made him happiest in the whole world were all to do with his children. Alphonse trusting him, Ed and Al helping him on the promised day, Ed calling him Dad for the first time, getting to shake Al’s hand after recovering his body… his whole life revolved around his sons as soon as he met up with them again. He was willing to sacrifice himself for Ed and Al’s sake.
  • He died happy because he was so proud of Ed and Al and he knew that they had made incredible friends who would look after them for the rest of their lives.
  • Without him everyone would be dead.
  • All he wanted was a normal life.
  • Van Hohenheim was not a bad person.
  • Van Hohenheim was not a bad father.

(Bonus):

  • He is romantically cheesy as hell
  • He wears glasses just so he looks slightly different to Father
  • He used to fly into an Ed-like rage whenever anyone called him unintelligent
  • The first thing he said to Alphonse after reuniting with him was, “My vintage armor!!”
  • One of the first things he said to Edward after reuniting with him was, “we have the same hairstyle”.
Skulls and Roses ☠️🥀

JUNGKOOK - COLLEGE AU, TATTOOIST AU. 

The best way to get someone’s attention is to get a tattoo or hit someone with your motorcycle. 

PART TWO

Originally posted by sugutie

“Shit, shit, shit, shit.” you sprint across the quad, pushing past students and jumping over bushes and benches like a track star doing hurdles. The chanting of the curse word only gets louder and faster once you looked down at your watch once again and saw that your class would start in less than a minute and you were a mile away from the science building.

You’re too distracted with staring at your watch that you don’t notice that you’re in the middle of the street until your face is touching the rough pavement and some random guy is sprawled beside you. At first, you think that it’s a boulder that had fallen from the mountains that surrounded your campus but when your vision focused on the black lump you realized it was a helmet.

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anonymous asked:

Tell me about your weird elves

they start as little anglerfish babies until they’re thirty and their skin sloughs off and their teeth fall out and once they’re done molting they can walk on land with small bodies and long tails and long ears and teeth still sharp but not quite so drastic until tailfall when they’re seventy and they finally start looking like humans - shorter ears and squarer teeth but eyes still black and unsettling - and those are their wandering years, the century they can travel among men until they start to grow horns and have to go back into hiding in the secret cities of elves.

they age like lobsters, getting bigger all the time, getting slower, until they’re so big and so slow that plants grow on them and they barely move at all. they reproduce by stealing away genetic material to keep in storage in weird organs near their throats and when an elf gets in a fight and licks the blood from their knife it means something very different and when an elf is aroused they can’t eat and pretend it’s because they don’t like the food. then when an elf gets big enough all the material they’ve collected over their lifetime goes into outgrowths that burst from their skin as horrifying little merfolk.

a human finds elfspawn and the elves say “yeah that’s a weird mermaid” and the humans find a hissing little tailed elf and the elves say “that’s a gnome” and the humans find someone breaking into rooms to drink the blood of pretty women and the elves say “that’s actually just a weird dead human” and the humans find a huge horned elf and the elves say “that’s an orc” and the humans find an even bigger one and the elves say “probably a troll” and the humans find an elf so big they’re covered in plantlife and the elves say “that’s an ent” because humans breed so quickly and there are so many of them and they kill so much and they have such strange rules about when it’s okay to kill people and there are so few elves by comparison that they have all agreed en masse that humans must believe that elves are just like humans so that they can be friends.

elves aren’t allowed to be wild and feral and any elf who breaks the rules is considered fair game whether they knew the rules or not, because they put every other elf in danger. elven cities are massive with great big towers but each tower holds just one huge elf and no human is ever allowed to enter and discover that the population is under one hundred instead of the thousands they assume. elves don’t laugh because the laugh is the hardest part of the accent to get rid of, laughing like dolphins long after they’ve managed to stop singing like whales. elves don’t touch, because humans have rules about how siblings are allowed to touch but the way elves breed makes it hard for them to understand what kinds of touching are acceptable in what contexts and it’s easier and safer to just never do it than risk letting humans think elves are breaking their taboos. elves put on airs, because if they do it just right then humans will defer to them in the same way they do their own upper classes and they won’t ask too many questions or look too closely. elves have undertones of blue or of green but if they don’t look enough like what an elf is supposed to be they’re called half-elves because it’s easier than explaining the truth.

they trade in magical reagants that grow on their elders and wear sleeves over the tips of their ears and collect momentos of their travels like charm beads and never teach their language to outsiders so outsiders never know when they’re talking shit. they’re foul-mouthed and violent and like to eat crickets and sometimes they start wars because the alternative is explaining to their human allies that actually their city was destroyed because grandpa decided to try to go for a walk and they had to eat him, and it’s always easier to blame other different humans that the friendly humans already hate.

tl;dr they’re awful

Dead Man {Kylo Ren x Reader}

Request~  I just thought of this and it sounds good in my head, but could u do a kylo imagine where the reader gets taken by the first order & is in the interrogation type room (like where Poe/Rey were) & reader is kinda scared bc ur preggos with kylos baby (u got pregnant when he was Ben or something) & he’s like who’s the father? And u say Ben Solo, but he’s gone now. And I don’t know where to go from there so u take it away lol. Wow sorry this is so lengthy

A/N~ Apologies for how long this took writing has been tough for me these past couple months. Anyways I’m not really sure how good this’ll be because I have no idea how to write pregnancy and its been a good minuet since I’ve written some thing long like this. Please ignore any mistakes (I’ll fix them later. For now I need to stop looking at this) hope ya’ll like it!

If the doctor back on base could see you now you assume she’d be furious. Three balanced meals a day, light exercise, and plenty of rest. It was good advice for a woman like yourself eight months pregnant, and you followed those directions perfectly except for one. Rest. You couldn’t sit idly while the resistance moved so quickly around you. 

Yellow Squadron denied every one of your requests or rather demands to let you join them on missions, but it never stopped you from asking one more time. Out of pure luck they’d finally said yes. The rebellion had received intel of unregistered spacecraft loitering in the outer rim. There was reason to believe The First Order was behind it. An organization that had been around for quite some time but only in the past few months had they really surfaced and become a threat. Yellow squadron’s job was to go out take a look around and come right back. A scouting mission is what they called it and they must have figured the mission would be easy enough for you to come along, for the ride if nothing else. It was supposed to be easy, it was supposed to be safe.

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Why We Need to Appreciate Padmé Amidala

In spirit of #SWisagirlthingtoo making its way around Twitter, I thought now would be the perfect time to make a post I’ve been wanting to write for a while. Star Wars up until recently has not given much attention to its heroines, perhaps with the exception of the iconic Princess and General Leia Organa. It is incredibly sad that it has taken this long for the franchise to realise that characters such as Leia, Padmé and Rey (as well as the many animated heroines we have met such as Ahsoka and Hera) have been and will forever continue to be definitive factors in the way many girls have and will grow up.

When it comes to Star Wars, I loved Leia and I love Rey, but they are both not the heroine I connected with. I connected with former Queen and then Senator Padmé Amidala from the highly criticised (although increasingly less so) prequels and then again in the animated series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Any Padmé fan knows that loving her as a character most often means you’ll often be told that in the end she did ‘nothing but cry over Anakin’ or is in no way comparable to her daughter, you’ll find it frustrating that no reference is made to her at all following Episode III and you’ll know that she has little to no presence in merchandising even when you are more than willing to throw coins down Disney’s way for her.

But Padmé deserves to overcome all of the above. Padmé constantly has to battle against both what people expected her to be (arguably a Leia clone) and the often restrictive and limiting definitions of what makes a “strong female character”, especially in pop culture. Regardless, here is why Padmé is such an underappreciated and amazing character.

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an au (inspired by this post) in which Annabeth is a mob boss and Percy is her ocean photographer boyfriend. Shout out to Hannah for being the best beta ever and for headcanoning this au with me pretty much non stop for the last few days. 

The fluorescent lights of the interrogation room flicker, giving it a strange glow that makes Percy’s eyes hurt. His fingers tap the beat of some pop song that had played on the radio earlier today onto the metal table that sits in front of him. The table is cool to the touch despite the warm, stale air that hangs in the room, and the accompanying metal chair is starting to make his butt numb despite it only having been here ten minutes.

Shuffling sounds begin emanating from the door in the corner of the room across from Percy, and soon it creaks open. First to step through is a tall blonde man with piercing blue eyes. His athletic build fills up the doorway as he pauses briefly to appraise Percy. Percy appraises him right back, noticing a scar on the corner of the detective’s lip and half of a tattoo that peaks out from under the cuff of his sleeve.

As soon as the detective steps into the room, another enters behind him. Her posture is impeccable and she walks with her head held high like she’s a warrior entering battle. That can’t be good, Percy thinks afterwards. She has on a royal purple blouse that pops against her brown skin, and her black hair is pulled into a braid that cascades over her shoulder.

“Hello, Mr. Jackson,” starts the blonde detective. “I’m Detective Grace and this is my partner Detective Arellano. Thanks so much for agreeing to come down to the station today to talk to us today.”

Percy smiles with a calm confidence, “Of course. Always happy to do my civic duty.”

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Transaction [m]

genre : smut
Summary : It was a beautiful transaction. You were his date for the night and your bank account got bigger.

You had your hand ready on the latch of necklace, you couldn’t risk breaking it mid sex. It was far too expensive. 

“Don’t take it off,” he said, voice and tone not leaving any room for argument. 

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Blue Skies and Possibilities (Lin/Reader Soulmate AU)

Summary: In a world where you can only see color once you make physical contact with your soulmate, you’re keeping your hands to yourself. Fate has other plans.

Word Count: 8642

Note: Thank you to @the-real-tony-stank for reading this ahead of time and being so sweet and to @thatoneimaginesblog for giving me a cute idea that pops up in here and putting up with a lot of Lin pictures while this got written.


You were in the forest again.

There was light streaming through the trees, and the vivid color of the leaves told you that you were dreaming. You felt a flutter in your stomach and smiled to yourself. If there was color, that meant he would be here. You let your instincts take over and walked swiftly in the direction the creek you’d visited so many times before.

There he was, just like you knew he’d be. He turned to you with a boyish smile on his face and you felt like you had just gotten home after a long trip away. You didn’t have a name to attach to the color of his eyes, but you knew they were deep and familiar. He held out a hand to you and you grabbed it, never knowing how much time you’d have here. Tonight was a lucky one. You spent what felt like an entire summer in the woods, neither of you speaking but somehow communicating anyway.

When you heard a buzzing in the distance, you knew your time was up. You held tight to his hand, but the world around you faded anyway. The feeling of his fingers laced with yours was the last thing to slip away.

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for you pt. 1

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Badboy Taehyung, angst, implied smut

Word Count: 4.4k

Originally posted by vminv


Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Final

You knew better than to fall for someone like him. If he looked like trouble, then he probably was trouble. But you were never one to listen. There was something about him that drew you in. Maybe it was his voice. It was thick like honey and rolled off his tongue like the breeze on a hot summer day. Or maybe it was the rare moments where he let his guard down and flashed you that boxy smile that reminded you that underneath that tough exterior, there was a softness.

You remembered the first time you saw him. You were with your friends sitting outside of the only decent coffee shop on campus. Summer break was looming. The only thing holding you back between a summer without papers and deadlines were exams. And you had a lot of them. The only reason you had even left the library was because you were ambushed. Pairs of hands grabbing you and your things and dragging you out of the frozen solitude that was the library.

But they had their reasons. Momo had just caught the man she swore she thought she would marry (the 4th man she has ever felt this way about) cheating on her. They had been together for almost 6 months, but her’s wasn’t the only bed he was keeping warm. She was in hysterics by the time the barista had finished making your quad soy latte.

“I don’t understand how he could do this to me!” she shrieked between sobs. Her body was shaking violently. Your other best friends, Sana and Mina, were trying to console her. Mina was rubbing circles around her back while Sana was trying to convince Momo that if he was the one than he wouldn’t have done this in the first place.

“What happened this time?” you asked. You didn’t bother to try to hide the disinterest in your voice. You knew Momo and you knew how fast she bounced back. It might have seemed like the end of the world now, but the girl had a rubber heart. She would be back in the ring in no time.

“He cheated! That’s what happened!” her voice cracked as she spoke. “He told me he was going to spend all night in the library. But Mina and I went out last night and he was there. He was kissing some gir-” her words broke into sobs. Sana wrapped her arms around her and pulled Momo into a tight hug.

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A Thousand Years

Originally posted by lokitty

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 2,734

Pairing: Loki x Reader

A/N: Based on the song A Thousand Years Pt. 2

 Also, believe it or not, this is my first one-shot written. 

The day we met

Frozen I held my breath

Right from the start

I knew that I’d found a home for my heart

From the first moment you met Loki, you knew. You knew he would be the only one to hold your heart. While Thor would tug you braids and beg for your attention, Loki did not. Instead, he was quiet and waited for you to come to him. It wasn’t hard for you to be lured by Loki. Not when he was showing you his green flares of magic that he was just learning how to control.

You were in every word enchanted by him. You were just a child at the time, but you realized the severity of the deep connection you felt you shared with him.

As a child, you described your relationship as a friendship.

Growing up, you realized it meant more than that.

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?

The streets of Asgard were decorated in green and gold. Songs were being sung and stories were being told about the mischief that the Trickster God was known for. You couldn’t help but smile as young children ran past you wearing replicas of the dark prince’s renown gold helmet.

Though he refused to admit it to you, Loki loved his birthday celebration. It was the day everyone in the city overlooked his dangerous behavior and instead, celebrated it. Pranks, tricks, and mischief were celebrated on his name day and chaos erupted everywhere because of it.

You knew all of the tell signs of the pranks that covered the street. You made sure to avoid each and every one of them on your journey to the castle gates. You greeted the guards stationed with a simple nod before making your way through the open courtyard.

The servants were busy with the preparations for Loki’s birthday banquet and you watched them hurry past you with concern laced on their faces. They knew the severity of this banquet. Not only was it meant to appease the younger and more menacing prince, but it was his 1,000th birthday, a milestone for every god. Because of this, it had to be perfect.

You made your way through the corridors of the castle allowing the angry shouts to lead you to your destined location. You had to restrain the smile on your lips as his designated servants were running out of the room because the prince was throwing a tantrum.

“Your majesty,” you call out as you walk into his room.

At the sight of you, Loki’s anger seems to dissipate enough for his servants to place the last of his armor on.

“Everyone out,” he orders with a wave of his hand.

You couldn’t help but shake your head as you watched the last of his men slip out of his room and closing the door behind them. His armor was on but it hung loosely as he had yet to tighten the buckles to keep it in place.

“You should have waited to scare them away after they finished getting you dressed,” you chastised him as you set the wrapped gift onto the nearby desk.

Loki scoffed at you but said nothing else as he attempted to fasten the buckles himself. You wait to hear him curse under his breath before moving towards him and finally aiding him. He lets out a huff of air as you slapped his hands away from the buckles and tightened them yourself.

“1,000 years have gone by and you have yet to learn how to dress yourself,” you jest as you moved his chest plate into place.

“Why should I waste my time learning this if I have you here to do it for me?”

You roll your eyes at this and a smile finally graces his face.

“A thousand years,” you whisper as your fingers trace the gold lining of his uniform. “Time has certainly passed by.”

“Not fast enough,” Loki comments as he brushes his raven black hair back so he could place his helmet on.

The smile on your face falters a bit at this.

“So keen on growing old, aren’t you?” you ask him as you make your way back to his desk.

“I just want to gain the respect I rightfully deserve,” Loki responds as he doesn’t notice the frown on your face. Instead, he places his helmet on and brushes his hair back the way he likes it.

He finally turns to look at you and you quickly place a smile on your face.

“I respect you,” you tell him. “Others do as well.”

“Others fear me,” Loki replies with a roll of his eyes as he makes his way towards you. “You are still naive enough to deem me as honorable as my brother.”

“You may not be as honorable as your brother, but you are much smarter than him. That I can assure you,” you argue. Loki scoffs at this idea and you shake your head as you grew frustrated at his reaction. “I really don’t want to get into this with you on your name day so just shut up and ask for your gift.”

“How rude,” Loki comments with a sly grin as he noticed the green box beside her. “Now show me what you’ve got me.”

You roll your eyes and pick up the box. You quickly untie the bow, but before you could lift the lid, you look up at him in warning.

“I understand that your favorite colors are gold and green,” you start to tell him in which he agrees with a simple nod. “But I saw this and I had to purchase it for you…”

You lift the lid and reveal the silver pin. It depicted two snakes wrapped around one another and their eyes were two green emerald stones that shone brightly in the light.

“I mean, they do call you silver tongue for a reason and you probably won’t ever wear this but it reminded me of you and…”

“Stop your rambling,” Loki sneers, though the smile on his face reduced the sting in his words. “I like it.”

He picks up the pin and is quick to place it on his shirt.

“How does it look?” he asks you with a small smile.

“It clashes terribly with the rest of your ensemble,” you answer honestly as a soft giggle passed your lips. “Just take it off. You don’t have to wear it.”

Your hand moves to unpin it, but he catches your wrist before you’re able to.

“I know I don’t have to wear it,” Loki responds. “But I want to.”

You can’t help the way your heart flutters at this. Even more so as he places a soft kiss on the inside of your wrist before letting you go. The way he was looking down at you this moment almost convinced you that he could share the same feelings that you had for him. His eyes flicker down to your lips and you believe he’s about to place a kiss there too, but you don’t get the chance to find that out as the doors of his chambers slam open.

“Brother!” Thor shouts causing Loki to quickly leap away from you. “We must go now unless you wish to be late.”

“The people are waiting,” Fandral comments behind him.

“And the feast as well,” Volstagg adds in.

They all stop speaking as they notice your presence among them.

“Lady Y/N,” Hogun greets with a small tilt of his head. “Pardon us for the intrusion.”

“Will you be joining us at our table today?” Thor asks with a beaming smile.

You open your mouth to respond, but Loki interrupts you before you are able to accept his invitation.

“No, she will not.”

You close your mouth quickly and try to hide the hurt from your face.

“She has better things to do than to listen to your war stories again,” Loki states. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”

He turns towards you and bows slightly. His green eyes meeting yours briefly with an unreadable emotion.

“Lady Y/N,” he whispers. “Thank you for the lovely gift.”

“It was nothing, my prince,” you respond with a curt bow.

A smile erupts on his face at the sound of his title on your lips, but it disappears as quickly as it arrived. He offers you a quick nod before turning away from you and following after his brother and the Warriors Three.

You watch him leave and once he’s out of sight, you let out a heavy sigh. If only he knew of the things he did to you. You wondered if things would change for the best or for the worse.

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more

After all of the celebrations were done with, the songs and dance performances presented to the young prince, the reenactments of his famous battles and festivities, the nobles who tried to outdo each other with their gifts, the awaited banquet had finally arrived. Mead and wine were distributed everywhere while the first courses were slowly being served.

Queen Frigga had immediately sought you to sit next to her as King Odin sat at the head of the table speaking to other high nobles. She told you it was because she was in need of familial conversation instead of political peace treaties and whatnot.

You knew better.

You weren’t the close friend of the God of Lies without being able to spot a few of them on your own.

You knew Queen Frigga suspected of your emotions towards her younger son. It wasn’t like you were even attempting to hide them anymore. If one looked close enough, they would easily see the admiration you held for the dark prince.

Even now, your attention strayed from the conversation. Your eyes were focused on Loki who was currently sporting a smile on his face though his eyes looked bored with Thor’s storytelling.

You could see Thor, who’s already had enough to drink, boasting about some war story. At some point, he over exaggerates an important detail and Loki’s eyes light up at the chance to correct and embarrass his brother. You couldn’t help the smile on your face as you shared his amusement from afar.

“It is clear as day how much you love him.”

You didn’t even have to glance at her to know that Queen Frigga was smiling at this revelation.  

“You should tell him how you feel.”

The smile on your face slowly slips away as the contempt quickly turns to fear.

“I cannot do that to him,” she tells him. “Burden him with my emotions… Our friendship means so much to him and myself. I couldn’t bear losing him with this revelation.

“But what if instead of losing a friend, you gain a lover?”

You shake your head refusing to answer her question.

“I have loved him for a thousand years,” you confess to her. “I will love him for a thousand more… even if I must remain a simple friend to him.”

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more

You had had enough mead and food after the fifth course. You were tired and the conversation at the table continued to revolve around the same political mishaps of other nearby kingdoms. Queen Frigga had noticed your attention wavering more often than not and was kind enough to make up an excuse for you to leave the banquet overall.

You walk out of the hall merely keeping your sight on the floor as you tried to ignore the emptiness of your soul.

You wished Loki would have been more interested in spending his birthday with you or at least come and spoken to you at some point in the meal, but he didn’t. He merely stayed seated at his table, enjoying the company of his brother and friends. He didn’t even offer a spare glance in your direction.

With a sigh, you are sadly ready to return home.

“Leaving so soon?”

You quickly look up and turn around to find Loki heading towards you. You quickly place a smile on your face at the sight of him.

“Though the company was pleasing, the conversation grew boring,” you responded with a shrug.

“You could have always joined my side,” Loki offered to her.

“I did not realize that was an option,” you state as you looked away from him. “You seemed disturbed by the idea of me spending dinner at your table.”

“I wasn’t…” Loki sighs out annoyed. “I wasn’t disturbed by you per say… more like the idea of you spending time with my brother. His intentions towards you are as clear as water and I did not intend to waste my birthday seeing my brother’s attempt to woo you.”

You couldn’t help the thought that crossed your mind. The thought that he could possibly be jealous at this moment.

“I was saving you in a sense… saving you from a night of awkward, loud advances,” Loki states with a shrug. “No need to thank me.”

“I was not going to thank you,” you replied as your arms crossed over your chest. “I was in no need of a savior.”

Loki’s face expressed alarm before it quickly shifted to a confused scowl.

“Does that mean… Are you interested in Thor?” Loki interprets your statement.

“No!” you exclaim with a shake of your head. “By the norns, Loki…”

“I apologize,” Loki replies with a shake of his head. “You made it sound like you didn’t want me to intervene between you two.”

You shake your head at him.

“I simply meant that I could defend myself from unwanted advances,” you correct Loki. “Whether it’s the prince of Asgard or a drunken man in the streets.”

Loki hums in understanding and hints of mischief flickers in his eyes. He’s quick to grab a hold of your arms and pushes you onto one of the nearby columns. A gasp escapes your mouth and you’re unable to speak as you feel how closely Loki is pressed against you.

“And what if it’s both?”

“What?” you ask breathlessly as his mouth was dangerously close to touching yours.

“What if the advances came from a drunk prince of Asgard?” Loki asks with a grin.

You didn’t know how to respond. Perhaps it was because you were so close to gaining what you always wanted, or because you certainly drank more than enough mead to gain some courage for this confession, or maybe it was both. Either way, it was now or never.

“If the drunken advances come from the prince I have for so long sought for, I would accept them gratefully,” you whisper to him as you find a way to move even closer to him.

Loki was taken back by your response and simply stared at you with a blank expression. Uneasiness quickly settles into your being and you fear you have revealed too much.

“You’re not lying?” Loki asks you as he searched your face for an answer.

“Why would I lie?”

“Because this could be a trick,” he answers. “A prank you pull on the birthday of the Trickster God.”

“It is not a lie,” you assure him. “I truly do love you, Loki.”  

That was all he needed to hear before he pulled you in for a kiss. A kiss he’s been dying to place the moment you came into his life. You tug him closer, never wanting him to pull away, but the lack of air steers both of you to breathe.

You wonder if this is all a dream, but the feel of his heart beating rapidly under your hand was proof enough that it wasn’t. You slowly look up at his eyes and find them already focused on you.

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispers. “I have loved you for a thousand years.”

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more

Paper Planes (Lin-Manuel x Reader)

Summary: Soulmate AU where if you throw a paper plane out your window it always makes its way to your soulmate. You can’t write your full name, your location, or any contact info, anything else is fair game. It’s up to fate to bring you together.

Word Count: 1,775

Warnings: Zero proofreading. It’s strictly fluff though so you’re safe here.

A/N: This was such a cute idea and also reminded me of that one Disney short. You know the one. Also, I will jump at any opportunity I can to write sappy love notes and Lin’s messy handwriting. Please don’t ask me about logistics of this, I have no idea what happens if your window is shut and your soulmate throws a plane, I’m just here to write fluff.
___________________________________

Your parents had told you the story all through your childhood. They would always weave you intricate tales at bedtime about how you might meet your soulmate. Your favorite stories always had a prince playing that role. As you got older the stories evolved from fictitious plots to questions and conversations. 

You received your first letter from him at seven years old. It took you by surprise when the paper plane made of blue construction paper landed on the floor of your bedroom. You scrambled from you bed to scoop it up and inspect it. You unfolded it carefully, flipping it over.

‘ Hi! My name is Lin! ‘

You yelped as if the paper itself had spoken and ran into the living room where your mom was preoccupied with a book. She seemed to notice your panic because her eyes immediately left the pages to study your face.

“They wrote you, didn’t they?” she asked wryly with a twinkle in her eye. You squeaked out a yes, shoving the blue paper towards her. She unfolded it to see the note before chuckling. “Well, are you gonna write them back or not?”

You spent the entire night debating and when your mom came into your room to kiss you goodbye before she left for work she saw you sitting on the floor surrounded in papers. 

“For them or from them?” she asked with an amused smile as she leaned against your doorway.

“For.”

Keep reading

applications for uk universities are coming up in a few months, so i figured i should post the tips i have collected from when i applied (since they’re all just sitting in a word document gathering dust), particularly for the personal statement! we had a talk from an admissions tutor who told us most of the stuff below + i attended 6 open days and picked up a fair few bits along the way (some stuff might be more relevant to sciences/physics)

the personal statement: what??

  • your personal statement is likely your only opportunity to try and ‘sell yourself’ to universities since most courses at most universities don’t interview
  • you send the same one to all your unis (even if you apply to different courses!)
  • 4000 characters and 47 lines limit (you’ll probably hit the line limit first - keep copying and pasting it into UCAS to check this since it’ll probably be a little different to your word processors count). the average is about 500 words

example structure

  • 80% academic, 20% extracurricular is generally a good guide
  • paragraph 1, intro: personal trigger for your interest in the subject you’re applying for! (not just ‘i’ve always been good at it/liked it’) - how your subject relates to society/current affairs if applicable and relevant (you’ll be seeing that word a lot). what aspects of the courses you’re looking forwards to (but don’t accidentally refer to something not done at all your choices) - prove that you know what you’re getting into
  • paragraph 2: what have you done to develop your interest? trips, books, wider reading - both in and out of school/college. link it to your subject! work experience, relevant volunteering. career aspirations - if you have one, put it in! it’s not set in stone just because you wrote it in a personal statement. part time job - skills gained (again, relevant ones), not just facts.
  • e.g. i worked in housekeeping part time => work under time pressure to a high standard and working effectively as part of a team
  • paragraph 3: non academic achievements e.g. duke of edinburgh - again, skills gained. if you’re doing a gap year, why/what are you doing etc - benefits?
  • paragraph 4, summary: short, just a few lines. final impression. recap - this should answer “why do you want to go to university and study your course” and “why do you deserve to be offered a place”. relevant to course - make reference to course choice/area, not generic. career aspirations are good to mention here. can keep it vague-ish for multiple courses, but course area should be clear!
  • this is just an example containing most of the stuff that should be in it - how you break it up doesn’t matter too much as long as it does have a structure (remember line breaks will influence your character/line count!)

good words/phrases

  • rewarding, improved, interested, taking part, reinforced, gained, strengthen, in addition, developed, broadening, hard work, commitment, enhanced, thrive under pressure

long list of advice

  • be concise - characters are limited and you have a lot to say
  • be honest - lying is a. unnecessary and b. will probably come out later
  • remember the person receiving this probably reads thousands, try and keep it interesting
  • organised & structured!
  • persuade the reader that you deserve a place
  • avoid generic statements - everything must be relevant. as much as they may be true, things like “i achieved good grades/always enjoyed this subject previously” are obvious fillers.
  • imagine this is your interview - as i said, you probably won’t get a real one! why do you want to study this, what makes you the right person for this course.
  • DO NOT LIST. don’t do it. expand on everything you put down, make it relevant - what your experiences are isn’t important, what you got from them is.
  • spelling and grammar. check it, check it, check it again - and this must be done by a human, spell checkers don’t notice if you use the wrong word (it’s best to go with a teacher or parent, something like that, not other students or people on the internet - be very careful about sending your personal statement to people online).
  • don’t talk about things that belong in other sections - e.g. how good your grades are (they can already see these), extenuating circumstances (should be explained by your referee in the reference). repeating yourself makes you look desperate to fill space.
  • avoid ambiguity - explain yourself! e.g. ‘i did my gold award’ - in what?!
  • authentic - don’t be pretentious
  • avoid being generic
  • ‘i’m looking forward to having an experience to remember for the rest of my life’ it lasts 3+ years; you’re going to remember it. don’t say it.
  • ‘looking forwards to independence’ - very rarely a choice when you go to uni. virtually everyone else is in the exact same situation here. don’t waste characters on things that aren’t relevant or really important.
  • ‘my family…’ they do not care about your family, they care about you. it is about you.
  • avoid cliches
  • add comments, views and explanations to your points - pretend it’s an english essay or something - making a point by itself gets you no marks
  • use your own experiences - you will have enough, don’t make it up.
  • ‘i’m quite good’ - avoid neutral or passive terms to describe yourself. be positive and show off that you do have these skills!
  • similarly don’t be uncertain - ‘i usually meet deadlines’ is pretty unconvincing
  • don’t play things down!
  • do your research - know which modules you will study in your courses so you can keep things relevant. talk about things you are particularly excited about and why.
  • what have you done outside of the a level course requirements?
  • obviously, don’t mention any of your unis by name or location (or course if they vary)
  • avoid humour: when someone makes a joke in front of a large audience, if they didn’t come to see them make jokes you will notice that maybe half laugh. you don’t know which half the person reading your personal statement will fall into. don’t do it.
  • make connections between interests and courses
  • draft and redraft and redraft until it’s perfect… and then check it over a few more times!
  • … but don’t let the people who check it over for you rewrite it! this must be your personal statement if you want to get anywhere
  • it’s run through sophisticated plagiarism/similarity software by UCAS. don’t write with a friend, don’t get one off the internet.

hopefully some of this helps someone out there, good luck!

Amren is Manon

Okay, so I just finished reading both series and I was already speculating what Amren was when I read that SJM had told one of her readers already and they had freaked out. This means that we must already know what sort of creature Amren is without needing much more explanation. I also read that SJM confirmed that ACOTAR and TOG are in the same megaverse, so their separate dimensions can hypothetically be reached through, say, a wyrdgate. 

Therefore, after careful deliberation and mulling over each character, all still fresh in my mind I have come to the conclusion that the best bet for what Amren’s true form is…. Manon.

Keep in mind, this would be Manon thousands of years after the war with Erawan in which she fell through a wyrdgate into the ACOTAR world as the cauldron was creating it. She was then trapped there and ensnared into a Fae body and went berserk, doing enough wrong to get her sent to The Prison. When she escaped, she knew that by now, Dorian and all her friends were probably long dead but never lost hope of returning to her realm. 

There are a couple different points to back up my theory: 

1. The blood drinking (emphasized by her particular love for goat blood which is what she and the Thirteen hunted and ate while in the Ferian Gap) 

2. Her disinterest in other people, especially advances from men as (hopefully) she is still harboring her love for Dorian perhaps and not wanting to bother with the fae of this realm when her heart belongs in another dimension 

3. She can read the Book of Breathings, written in a long forgotten language that everyone had forgotten. However, perhaps with everything in the war, Manon learned to read Wyrdmarks, as it was necessary for winning, and never quite forgot how to decipher it. Though after thousands of years she needed to brush up a bit before being able to read and translate the book. Or it could just be the dialect of Erilea that she has forgotten over the millenniums and must now remember how she had talked, and how she had read, feeling more and more sorry for Elide as she struggled to remember the way words were spelled and how the letters looked because she hadn’t realized how difficult it was to not be able to read.

4. Her automatic softness towards Feyre after she opened up about what happened with her family and what Tamlin had done to her, reminding Amren of a girl, thousands of years ago in another dimension who had also been abused and treated wrongly. So she gave Feyre the amulet to help her without even knowing her more than twenty-four hours. She just couldn’t help herself, there was so much Elide in that thin, Tamlin-wrecked girl that arrived at the House of Wind.

5. The fae body she is trapped in is the exact opposite from Manon’s, “several inches shorter than me [Feyre], her chin-length black hair glossy and straight, her skin tan and smooth and her face - pretty, bordering on plain - was bored’. This is in direct contrast to Manon, who has long, white hair, and a pale complexion, also quoted by Dorian that ‘he’d never seen anyone so beautiful’. Not to mention the eyes, Amren’s silver eyes battling with Manon’s deep gold. Whatever spell trapped her in that body, made her the opposite of what she once was, forcing her to hate this cage not only for the Fae exterior but the lie is portrayed over her once revered beauty. 

6. She joins a court that can fly so that she might once again feel the wind in her hair after so many years under a mountain in the dark. Also reminding her of her Thirteen, cleaved apart before darkness could claim them and away from her Abraxos who is left without a rider for the remainder of his life. But if I go too much into this one I’m gonna cry.

7. The jewelry ties into it somehow, probably. I’m thinking that she went through the wyrdgate using either The Amulet of Orynth or the Eye of Elena and it somehow got lost in transit. She had idly mentioned she was looking for a rare piece of jewelry once to Dorian and he has been buying the rarest pieces he can find for her ever since, knowing it is to somehow help her return. 

I’m not 100% sure where the powers came from, perhaps simply appearing in this realm or coming with the body, maybe gifted to her from Dorian, or honed from millennia in The Prison. Or any other twist SJM wants to play. 

TL/DR Amren is Manon trapped in another dimension, in another body, apart from everyone she loves and has been trying to get back to for the past five thousand years + 

On Bakugou’s Pride

I feel like Bakugou is definitely one of the more complex characters in BnHA, absolutely the one with the biggest personal arc, the typical ‘antagonist who is one of the good guys but also an asshole’.
It’s a trope, I’m sure.
My initial idea was to make a single profile for him, but something like that would quickly become a full length novel because there’s Way Too Much to unpack, so I'ma settle for a Whole Bunch of Smaller (but still Stupidly Long) meta’s.
Starting with: Bakugou’s Pride, and his self-image.
Also, since I’m far from the only person making BnHA analyses, shout-out to @saisai-chan  who has posted just… so much Bakugou meta, and who has been very helpful in inspiring some of these ideas.


Bakugou’s Perfect Origin Story

Let’s start with how stories work in the BnHA universe.
Horikoshi is writing a very self aware story. His universe is a modern one, in which marketing and imagery are important.
You can see it in All Might. This is a man that clearly gets his inspiration from American Silver Age comics. He’s flashy, just all-round GOOD and constantly spouting americanisms. And while he isn’t necessarily 'fake’ in the sense that Yagi’s personality definitely matches, it is also just that: a meticulously crafted image.
It even literally 'pops’ when he’s out of the limelight to reveal his true form.
In this world, heroes are celebrities, as such they project a certain image.
Even the kids know this. People like Kirishima are told that hero-ing is all about the ratings and the entertainment factor.
This is a world in which Stories matter.

 Bakugou knows this.
I truly believe that Bakugou, being the smart sort of fanboy he is, is pretty damn genre-savvy. He’s well aware of the importance of images and stories.
You see, he  had already decided upon his Perfect Origin Story, like, ages ago. From a very young age, he was destined for greatness.
Everyone kept telling him so, of course. He didn’t really have a reason to doubt this.
He’s shown as a kid sporting a bunch of yes-men and admirers. His teachers never seem inclined to curb that boastfulness. Before he arrives in UA, no one ever seems to try to take him down a peg. Like at all.
He can be blowing up Midoriya in a classroom with the teacher still present and no one even attempts to stop him.

This, incidentally, is a pretty unhealthy way to grow up, and it did little to curb the crueler sides of his personality.

But he still wants to be a hero. He wants the money, the fame. He wants to WIN.
Please note that right now, he wants to be a hero for all the wrong reasons. Where Midoriya has this compulsion to help, where Kirishima is looking for courage and some sense of manhood, Bakugou just wants  to be better than everyone else. Because, at this point in his development, he’s very much a selfish asshole.

And he’s determined to do be the best, by also crafting the Best Origin Story.
He’s even made these rules for himself. 'I have to be the only one from this small local school to make it into UA’, 'I have to be always on top, never be helped’.
He’s completely fixated on 'the right back story’ because the fucker is a hero fanboy and he wants to Live the Life like the big heroes do it.

And Deku, bless him, is Constantly Fucking up that Plan.
At least that’s what it must look like in Kacchan’s eyes.

But truth be told, Bakugou’s Perfect Hero Origin Story has been falling apart since the very start of the series.
BnHA may be the story of Midoriya becoming the strongest hero, but it is also very much the story of 'how Bakugou’s self image got smashed into the ground over and over again’.

Once he’s ready to enter UA, his Origin Story is already muddled. 
Instead of the right debut under the right circumstances, he’s Sludge Kid.
Instead of never being helped, being the only on in his class to go to UA, being destined to greatness, he finds himself, literally, a side character, an antagonist even, in Deku’s story.
And I honestly believe that Bakugou, at some point, realizes this. Everyone likes a good underdog story. Part of the reason Bakugou is so angry with Midoriya when he finds out about his quirk, is because he feels Betrayed. Like Midoriya hid his quirk all these years just to have a proper 'rise to power’ story.
It’s a first crack in the perfect façade that Bakugou has created for himself.
Right now, he still believes in his ‘destiny’, but it won’t be for long.


(this is 3.4k words long. I’m sorry)

Keep reading

The Value Of Just Shutting The Fuck Up Sometimes


A few weeks ago, I was doing an interview with a reporter and she was asking about almost every weird GamerGate conspiracy theory that had come up about me in the last few years. I’ve honestly forgotten more of them than I remembered at this point. She didn’t seem to understand why I’d never addressed most of the accusations which had ranged from whose dick I touched to literally murdering people. She said in researching me for the piece, she’d only ever found the weirdo accusations but not my version of events, and seemed to not understand why I wouldn’t just say what actually did or didn’t happen.

I can’t blame her for being curious. I think whenever we hear something wild, especially about someone or something we care about, we want to know answers. Lord knows if you’re the one being lied about, it’s a natural impulse to want to set the record straight or give your side of anything.

Sadly, that’s extremely short sighted. No one thinks about what might happen next.

It’s been over three years of being accused of all kinds of shit from all kinds of people, and if I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned the importance of restraint and the responsibility that comes with having a large platform and gigantic visibility. It makes me feel like a kaiju where any small movement could potentially tip over a building. I’ve written a bunch in my book about how engaging with bad-faith accusations and signal boosting them just to refute them can easily backfire and ingrain false information in people’s minds even further. That can sometimes just come down to a math problem - if someone with an audience of 50 makes up a rumor about you, if you respond to it with your audience of 500, more people are going to see the false stuff than would otherwise. To complicate matters, there are enough people out there who think that even refuting something at all makes you look guilty. There are people who want you to be guilty because they already don’t like you. Frequently, bad-faith accusations will not be addressed by proof to the contrary, because you can’t reason someone out of something they didn’t reason themselves into in the first place. People are complicated.

But when you put your side of anything out there, the thing that comes next isn’t usually “oh, okay”. The thing that comes next is usually escalation. It’s people digging into shit trying to prove you wrong. It’s invasive, and it can have so much collateral damage.

For example, when people ask me why I didn’t address my ex’s claims about who I did and didn’t sleep with, even when I had the floor, I get why they’d ask. My own desire to keep some remaining shred of my privacy aside, those claims aren’t just about me. I’ve been accused of sleeping with people I haven’t ever really talked to, people who are pretty private in general who just want to be left the hell alone. I don’t have the right to drag them back into a messy situation that involves probably getting stalked and yelled at by nazis just to try and save my own skin, especially since it’s more likely than not that people are just going to believe whatever they want to anyway. Or maybe that’s me being cynical after watching years of people claiming that I fucked someone for a review I never got from a website I already had written for in the past. I honestly have, I think understandably, lost a bit of perspective on that particular point.

This is especially complicated by situations like mine, because I am under constant surveillance by people who hate my guts who are looking for people to hurt, and people looking to feed on “drama”, and people looking for new targets. If you think that’s being dramatic, there are places I know of that have threads specifically about stalking me *to this day* with literally thousands of posts in them. Bad faith actors aside, my audience is in the hundreds of thousands. The responsibility that comes with that is something I take extremely seriously.
It’s something that I encourage everyone else with big online platforms to take extremely seriously too. I think a lot of us internet famous folks ended up here without really trying to, and it’s easy to feel like “well I didn’t ask for this and it’s not my fault if something happens” and while, yeah, sure, you can’t take responsibility for the actions of other people (especially people who are super out there and just looking to hurt someone regardless of whatever you’re doing), I see no reason to not try to minimize harm. A power dynamic doesn’t cease to exist just because you didn’t explicitly seek that power out, or maybe didn’t even want it in the first place. People who have less resources than you will still have less resources than you regardless of how you feel about it.

When there’s a significant power differential at play, there’s harm algebra to be done when it comes to addressing disinformation. It’s not as simple as “just setting the record straight” in public, because once you make something public you give up a certain degree of control that you cannot get back. It might mean putting someone who is already hurting or has so much less than me in more harm than I’d ever face by just taking the reputation hit.

Sometimes there’s situations where I just have to take it on the chin, because nothing happens in a vacuum. Sometimes I just have to let it go, no matter how much it fucking sucks to have people out there tearing into you for reasons that really have very little to do with you, because the collateral damage is too much on too many people to justify any potential repairs to my reputation.

Honestly, it’s really not worth it to me to escalate a situation just to make a frequently pointless attempt at getting people to be more critical of the wild shit they read about me online, especially when it means probably hurting someone else. It’s been years and I still don’t know how to navigate a lot of this. I’ve tried so much already - talking about bigger stuff, proving what actually happened, attempting to prove negatives, responding only with screenshots of fighting game win screens. It’s not like people making shit up about me, regardless of motivation, is a novel occurrence in my life. It’s not like I’ve made the right call all the time - I’ve arrived at this method of dealing with shit after making a lot of *wrong* calls. I’ve been pretty open about being a bad fit for being a public figure of any sort - I was (and still feel) vastly unprepared to handle being a weird symbol to so many people who want all kinds of things from me regardless of if they need a villain or a hero or a symbol of whatever the fuck.

Frankly I can’t live my life around playing whack a mole with whatever new horseshit slithers out of the corners of the internet on any given day that ends in Y, because when I was trying to do that it really almost cost me my life.

A fun side effect of being a survivor of domestic violence is how easy it is to slip back into doubting your own life and experiences to a hyperbolic degree. A fun side effect of depression is feeling like everything you say and do is bad and wrong and that you’re worthless on a regular basis. A fun side effect of my PTSD is flashing back to being in that fucking elevator shaft when GamerGate started and I couldn’t sleep or eat and was convinced everyone would turn on me and I’d be alone forever any time some conspiracy comes up that hits me at just the right angle that it gets under my armor.

But I know that’s squarely out of my control. All I can do is manage what I do with that. I don’t know what else to do other than seek external advice from people smarter than me when something comes up that really gets under my skin or makes me doubt my own version of events even when I damn well know something didn’t happen to help counter the trashbrain filter that the disinformation comes in through because having those issues doesn’t let me off of any hooks. I don’t want to use any of that, or even my status as someone who is frequently targeted with shit that I’m too exhausted to type out so just picture me gesturing vaguely at everything to absolve me of anything. I don’t ever want to think I’m above reproach, so I check in with people around me who will be honest and call me on my shit. When I do fuck up, and I do because I’m a human in an extremely weird fucking situation, I do whatever seems like the right thing to do, not the face-saving thing to do. Sometimes, this is shit that’s done in private. I don’t know why people assume everything has to be handled extremely online. But overwhelmingly more often than not, shit is maliciously made up, and more often than not the only right move that will de-escalate shit and hurt the least amount of people is just letting it go and praying that people will see through it, or they’ll actually talk to me if they see some wild accusation. And if people wanted to look for reasons to think the worst and get the knives out immediately, honestly, I feel extremely done with anyone looking to build people up only to gleefully tear them back down. I’m tired and I’ve watched too many communities devour themselves to want any part of that, and am only interested in working toward a future that’s centered on restorative justice instead of exclusively punitive systems in different settings. I’m tired of enthusiastic disposibility masquerading as community. All that behavior says to me is that I was never safe around you in the first place.  

I know I’m taking a gigantic risk in even posting this to begin with because I know it’s an uncomfortable subject, but it feels like a bigger, longer-term risk to watch my comrades, siblings, and friends all scared and lost on either side of the power dynamic - both as people who have grievances with people with gigantic platforms, and as people who have gained both visibility and the jealousy and hatefollows that come with it. I’m tired of talking about this stuff in dms with other scared people who don’t know what to do. And by no means do I think this is the only way to deal with any of this - this is just how I feel, and how I approach being someone who went from being some random weirdo to being a cultural football. Your mileage may vary. Hopefully I figure out a way that’s less dehumanizing, and if I do, I’ll be sure and let you know. But again, I’m a random weirdo game developer. I’m figuring this shit out as I go, and I lean into my skids and wear my heart on my sleeve and if y'all want to throw me in the trash over being aggressively vulnerable and human at you, that’s ok. You don’t have to like me or support me, and I like trash anyway.

Shit’s pretty fucked up in the world right now (duh), but the very least we can do is really interrogate how and what we use our varying degrees of reach and visibility for. We have to see ourselves as part of something larger and look at our impact instead of just our intentions. For me, sometimes that means that being right doesn’t mean a damn thing and is unrelated to doing the right thing. Sometimes, for me, that means knowing when to just shut the fuck up and let people think what they’re gonna think. And if nothing else, I’ve seen that on a long enough timeline, people tend to figure out who makes shit up without my involvement.

So I’m only gonna say all of this once, here, so that I never have to say it again and I can point at it any time I’m asked to weigh in on something someone said about me on the internet, because god damn I’m tired and I’d rather spend my time and effort trying to help people and make dope shit than fuss about what people think they know about me.

Substituting with “anything” (a quartz and rosemary-inspired rant)

Apparently this is the month of me sticking my foot in places I’ll likely regret. But I feel like this really damages the learning process for a lot of witches and needs addressing. So today I’d like to talk about this thing being told to new witches way too often: that they can use “anything” as a substitution if they don’t have X ingredient for, say, a spell jar or whatever.

Can I just say, as someone whose practice focuses heavily on herbal work, how crazy that makes me?

I am not saying spells are set in stone and substitutions can’t be made. They totally can be.

I am not saying that this here fancy spell with all these fancy, expensive ingredients can’t have a more accessible re-working done with more common ingredients. It probably can.

I am all about making spells work for less money, less time, and less privileged people. You tell me what you’ve got in your kitchen and yard, and I will help you find a way to make that into any-damn-thing you please.

I am not all about the elite-extra-special “old way” or some dead guy’s mandates on how to witch.

But when I see, “just use quartz/rosemary instead” as the generic advice for EVERYTHING, no matter what the missing component in question is, it makes me crazy.

What’s the purpose of using ingredient-based spells? No, not just for the aesthetic™. It’s to reduce the energy load on you by replacing it with stuff that ALREADY HAS a given energy, or focus.

So if you remove it and just stick a generic energy booster in there, what’s going to happen?

One of two things:

1. The spell doesn’t work as intended, because you took off a wheel and put a rocket where it used to be.

2. The spell does work as intended, but I’m willing to bet you feel the exact same drain you would have felt if you’d just done energy work… because that’s probably what you did (and a lot of people don’t realize that isn’t supposed to happen).

So while I’m not saying that you’re wrong and your spell didn’t work regardless of whatever generic substitutions you made, I am going to say that if that’s true, I wonder if you’re wasting a lot of materials in your practice.

The purpose of spell ingredients is to use the properties of the ingredient in order to add a specific energy to the spell, which reduces the burden on you to supply that specific energy, and to have highly consistent focus while doing so. If your spell calls for valerian, then there is something about valerian itself that is aiding the spell. You can’t simply swap it with cayenne and expect to get the same results. There are definitely things you COULD swap it with because they have similar properties, but not absolutely anything.

If you can swap the valerian with literally anything and get the same results, that likely means you are not actually using the valerian to help you cast the spell. You’re simply using your own energy and the herbs are set dressing.

And there’s most certainly nothing wrong with being adept at pure energy work. That’s a great skill to have as a witch. But it sure is a waste of herbs if you’re not actually using them, eh? I mean, a lot of these herbs we use aren’t cheap or readily available.

Why not just get rid of the set dressing and save yourself time and money and just do energy work? Or if you like your set dressing, use tools meant to amplify energy work, like a wand or a staff or something?

Also, I think there’s a certain level of damage being done when we tell witches who are trying to learn herbal work that anything is just the same as anything else and none of it matters.

The magical uses of herbs are often tied to their mundane uses. Let’s remember: cunning craft was the mother of medicine. To this very day, the magical uses of many herbs are tied to their physical affects. Even when they aren’t, they’re often a sort of hypersigil, and they’ve gained those associations through dozens or even hundreds of years of thousands or millions of people all imbuing them with the same purpose and energy. Most correspondences have a biological reasoning behind them, or have been basically sigilized by being used the same way thousands of times.

Exceptions and personal correspondences are a thing; I have a few myself. But these tend to be herbs that have been highly significant in my own life over a long period of time, and have consequently become a sort of personal sigil, as opposed to the cultural sigil of most broader correspondences. My personal correspondences tend to be things I have history with (even if it’s mundane), not just literally anything. Basically, I’ve overridden the cultural sigilization, by writing over it with my own over time. But that’s an exception.

It makes it impossible to learn herbal work – which is a totally different skill from energy work – if you’re proposing that none of it actually matters and it all works the same anyway. And furthermore, it’s pretty discouraging if a witch tries that, and then their spell fails, which I see with some regularity.

Witches read that they can replace “anything” with quartz or rosemary, and then they come back and say their spell is doing all kinds of weird stuff it shouldn’t be doing.

Well, I’m not surprised. The original ingredient was there to give the spell a specific property, and then someone told them to replace it with a neutral energy booster and not do anything to replace the loss of that specific property, or control all the unprogrammed energy.

So, the result is going to be a high-powered bouncy ball of a spell that just pings around doing random shit and putting holes in the wall. Because they didn’t give it anything except energy with no focus. Because you can’t just replace “anything” with quartz or rosemary.

That tripped me up for a while, as someone who relies a lot on tools. I’m an empath, and like a lot of drain-prone people, I find using ingredients helps reduce how drained I get by casting spells. Becoming adept at herbal work was really important for me to be able to cast at all with any consistency. I can DO energy work, but I don’t always wanna wind up spending the next day in bed, and that’s where tools help me.

It’s not very helpful to just say “replace it with anything.” That’s not how herb magic works.

Substitution can be done in most cases. But if you’re gonna remove a wheel, you need to add a different one that’s compatible with the car, not just strap a rocket to the axle.

So, long story short: I really wish people would stop saying you can substitute with “anything.” While I get that the intention is to try to make the craft more accessible, it just impedes people from learning how to do it with stuff that’s ACTUALLY accessible. I mean, what’s inaccessible about the stuff most people have in their kitchen? You can substitute for a lot with that!

While it is completely true that you don’t need ingredients to do a spell, it is also true that if you’re going to use ingredients, they matter. If they didn’t matter there’d be no point to using them.

If you find that you can substitute with “anything” and get the same results no matter what, then I think I can save you some time and money: just get an energy working tool instead!

A Study in Hypocrisy #2.6

Or why the Avengers’ relationship to Tony was unhealthy at best, Steve isn’t fit to be a leader, and why I’m Team Iron Man to the end.


WHY TONY’S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE AVENGERS IS UNHEALTHY AT BEST

Tony’s relationship with the Avengers has always made me uncomfortable. For the longest time, I couldn’t put my finger on why exactly, but I’ll try to organize my thoughts in this series.  

This post was getting far too long, so I decided to cut it into parts, one per Avenger.


WANDA

Let’s talk about Wanda. 

Wanda, who chooses to join a known terrorist organization to get revenge over Tony in the stupidest plot ever, because, come on. If your parents are killed in a car accident, you’re not going to go kill the car manufacturer in revenge. It’s absurd. It’s insane. It makes no sense whatsoever

But she makes that choice. God only knows how many people she killed during her and Pietro’s time with HYDRA, but she obviously doesn’t give a damn. In fact, her revenge against Tony doesn’t seem to include actually causing him physical harm, but rather…killing as many innocent people over the world as she can? Otherwise, she could have, you know. Killed him at the beginning of Age of Ultron. Instead, she triggered the creation of Ultron, mentally raped and tortured people who’d already been through a shit-ton of trauma, and let loose a creature known to be uncontrollable and highly destructive on hapless civilians. 

And she does. not. care. 

Then, she realizes all of a sudden that, wait! Ultron wants to destroy the world I happen to be a part of. Does that mean I’ll die, too? It must! Nope, that won’t do. Let’s switch sides. 

Then Clint goes and makes her an Avenger, without any consideration for Natasha, his friend and teammate, who had to relive her blood-drenched past, or Bruce, his teammate and friend, whom Wanda forced to massacre innocent civilians, or Tony, his teammate and supposed friend, who went through a hellish vision. Clint, who has experienced mind-control and its consequences before, just welcomes a proven disloyal, murderous witch into the team all on his own. As if all was forgiven and the lives she’d taken didn’t matter. As if the harm she caused wasn’t a problem and should be forgotten just because she suddenly saw the light and really is “just a kid.” 

But she didn’t. 

First, she doesn’t give a crap about the lives lost. She doesn’t give a crap about who lives or dies, and about what she did/caused.  

Second, she’s not a freaking kid. She’s a grown-ass woman of 26, only a few years younger than Steve, and if she’s old enough to drink, fuck and kill, then she’s damn well old enough to take responsibility for the blood she shed. Willingly.

Third, how come Tony has to take responsibility, get reamed out by everyone and still not be forgiven, and atone over and over again for his mistakes (which afterward get used against him on a regular basis by his supposed team), even though he actually tries to get better and fix things, when Wanda, who doesn’t give a shit, gets a free pass? The double-standards when it comes to that are mind-blowing. 

The same thing actually happens after Lagos. Wanda fucks up. And yeah, she was trying to help this time, I won’t deny it. But she did, and people died. And instead of benching her for more training (because while I believe that “lack of control” excuse if absolute bullshit after the mastery of her powers she displayed in Age of Ultron), which should have been Steve’s reaction as “team leader,” Steve gently sits her down and explains that she should forget about those people because “you can’t save everybody.” That the leader of the world’s leading defending force shows such disregard about human life is kinda daunting, don’t you think? 

I can guarantee that, had Tony made such a costly mistake, he’d have been benched faster than you can say “hypocrite.” 

Alright then. 

On to that wonderfully childish “he locked me into my room” affair. 

Tony tries to protect Wanda by keeping her in. Granted, he could have explained it better. Except here’s the deal: Tony has a lot on his plate. On top of this Accords mess, he’s still got a company to his name, which means the livelihoods of thousands of people all over the world to worry about, the Avengers’ gear, PR, and battles to deal with, his Iron Man duties, etc. etc. No doubt both the Lagos incident and Steve’s mess in Bulgaria are running him ragged trying to do damage control not only with Ross, but also with, probably, the press and maybe even the UN. Furthermore, he’s already been physically hurt. 

He simply doesn’t have the time to sit down with Wanda, take her hand, and then explain everything that’s going down, especially given that she’s hostile towards him to begin with, and would probably not listen anyway. 

Vision did try to explain. And she was fine with staying where she was until Clint popped up with his carefully not considered consequences. 

Then you’ll never make me believe that dropping 20+ cars on top of a man—a man in armor, sure, but that doesn’t make it any better, the average weight of a car being 1.5 ton—the way she did wasn’t done with the intention to cause severe physical harm, if not outright death. To me, she saw the opportunity to hurt the man she considered responsible for everything wrong in this world, and took it with relish. 

So here’s the thing. 

Wanda can judge and hate Tony all she wants. But that doesn’t change the fact that were it not for him, she wouldn’t be in America. She wouldn’t have anything to eat, or to wear, or anywhere to sleep. She wouldn’t have a visa (which must have been freaking hard to obtain given that she was a criminal), or shiny toys, or a room bigger than the average family home to be locked in in the first place. 

And it doesn’t change the fact that she has no right to that judgement and hatred while she conveniently refuses to acknowledge that, unlike Tony, who had no idea what was going on, she willingly caused harm to innocent people. 


Masterpost

Part 2.1: Natasha | Part 2.2: Steve | Part 2.3: Thor | Part 2.4: Bruce | Part 2.5: Clint