there are like 10 names too

Strange Shit That Has Happened On Game Grumps And Isn’t Even Discussed
  • Barristan Selmy from Game of Thrones opens a random episode for no apparent reason and with no explanation
  • Arin scream-sings Circle of Life in a public place
  • The fucking ads are the stuff of nightmares
  • Rob Schneider comes on Game Grumps after Arin completely rips apart his tv show for a full episode
  • Arin opened a set of 10 or so episodes with monologues about following his twitter, cooking your own food, that he’s really a bat portraying the character of Arin Hanson, that his editor is too handsome, he wants to sell out to Wendy’s, and then hits himself as hard as he can with a plastic bat. This is giffed but not commented on.
  • Chris Pratt likes the Super Mario Galaxy playthrough, confirms he is a melon with his name written on it.
  • Arin assembles what looks like a several hundred person mob to go to a random Wendy’s in Ohio, because he wants to sell out to them but they won’t return his tweets. 
  • They’ve got a fucking TV show coming out with the guys from Rick and Morty? Why is this not mentioned more?
  • L o v e l y  d a y  f o r  c r i c k e t 
  • Arin and Ross abused the ‘give a free ride get a free ride’ code on Uber by sending theirs out to 3.5 million people. Reportedly, Arin now has over 800 free rides.
  • Ross and Barry sold their pokemon fanart in an art gallery.
  • Seriously the fucking ads? In one of them Barry is turned upside down while Arin growls in a corner and then time-lapse punches Barry into a wall, and this is an advert for Lootcrate
  • Dan repeatedly hit a two pound gummy bear against a table to try and remove its head
  • A professor of theoretical physics quit his fucking job to do the show

anonymous asked:

can you make a checklist on how to get into the gorillaz?? It seems like there is a lot out there and its hard to follow when i'm getting into it late.. thank you!!

Sure!!! I personally got into them by watching their G-bitez and music videos and it all kinda spiraled from there.

The band itself was made by Damon Albarn (Lead singer of Blur, does vocals and writes lyrics for Gorillaz) and Jamie Hewlett (Co-creator of the comic book “Tank Girl”, draws and animates for Gorillaz) after they were both watching MTV and they were like “hey music today sucks you know what’d be cool?? if we made an animated band” “cool we could call it ‘gorilla’ because we were both born on the year of the monkey!!!” sadly animal planet had already copyrighted “gorilla” so they just added a z to the end of it to make it cooler.

Here’s a playlist of all of their music videos/unfinished storyboards i put together (they’re all in order according to the storyline, but keep in mind that “do ya thing” isn’t canon): https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLupIZC02E6mRz_uqFp8BiLuEZ3-ZUjJZB

Here’s a list of all of their interviews I’ve been able to find (You can learn a lot about the characters from these babies): https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLupIZC02E6mT1RKRtEIu2RA4AraQnGnqu

Aaand here’s a list of all of their songs (there’s a bunch). Every one of them sorted from oldest to newest, every song after “We’ve got the power” is either a demo, rare or unreleased: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLupIZC02E6mTeUgeN3TVDF1kUgM11wlFI

Something to know about Gorillaz is that they have “phases”. Phase 1 was in 2001, when they released their albums “Gorillaz”, “G-Sides” and “Laika come home”. Phase 1′s art style was cartoonish and used very thick lineart. Phase 2 was in 2005, when they released “Demon Days” and “D-sides”. Phase 2′s art style was a bit dark and looked more realistic. Phase 3 was in 2010, when they released the albums “Plastic Beach” and “The Fall” in 2011. Phase 3′s art style was almost the same as phase 2′s. Then we have Phase 4 in 2017, their new album “Humanz” is coming out April 28th. It’s art style is the one that stands out the most to me, you can find most of the art on Jamie Hewlett’s Instragram (Hewll)

Alright, a big part of me getting into the fandom was my love fore the characters. I’m assuming you’re not a fan yet, so let me introduce them to you (i’m going to use powerpoints to explain each member if u don’t mind):

This lovely lad here is Murdoc Faust Niccals.

- He’s the band’s leader/bassist, and he makes sure EVERYONE knows that’s it’s his band and only his.
- He went through multiple other bands before he formed Gorillaz.
- He was born on June 6th, 1966 in Stoke-on-Trent, England. As an infant he was abandoned on his father’s doorstep.
- Had a very rough childhood, his father, Sebastian Niccals, would force him to preform on stage for booze money and it was absolutely humiliating for him.
- His nose has been broken a of total 8 times. The first time was from a bully at his school, the 2nd time was from his older (and only) brother, Hannibal, because Murdoc had touched his records and the other 6 times were from Russel when he got caught “doing it” with 2D’s now ex-girlfriend in the bathroom stalls of Kong Studios
- His middle name was originally “Alphonse” but he changed it to “Faust” after making a deal with the Devil in phase 1 to make Gorillaz the “biggest band in the world”. That’s also how he got his bass, “El Diablo”.
- did i mention he was a satanist bc he is
- He hangs around in his underwear a lot (especially in phase 2)
- He likes to either get naked or start pelvic thrusting in like every video, so be careful, young anon.
- He’s very crude but sometimes he can be very nice and adorable in some interviews ??? It’s so weird
- He likes making weird noises, like, a lot.
- Apparently can speak French and Spanish
- His reason for turning green all of the sudden in phase 2 is either because of alcohol poisoning or due to him tanning himself green. Jamie himself said that it’s because he’s an immortalist and his skin is now rotting but I’m not sure how true it is.
- He had a pet raven in phase 2!!! His name was Cortez and no one really
knows what happened to him but Murdoc seemed to love that bird.
- He also had a cape in phase 2 that he loved and wore like all the time but he lost it. Poor baby.
- He was based off of a young 1960′s era Keith Richards.
- He has a tongue longer than Gene Simmons’ and I’m not even kidding. His tongue is like a foot long
- His genuine laugh can cure cancer
- He had his own MTV cribs episode
- Here’s a playlist of every interview he’s been in if you’d like to know a bit more about how he acts.
- All of this sounds horrible but like half of the fandom sees him as charming and funny and the other half sees him as repulsive and downright mean so i guess listen to some of his interviews and make your decision (i’m part of the half that loves him)

This is 2D!!

- He’s the band’s singer, sometimes he plays the piano and melodica too.
- He’s anxious and a bit timid around people. He’s not that intelligent, but he’s an absolute sweetheart to pretty much everyone. He’s … a huge dork.
- He was born on May 23rd, 1978.  He was born in Hertfordshire, England and was raised in Crawley, England. When he was 10 he fell out of a tree and landed on his head, his hair fell out and grew back blue. He’s had horrible headaches since then, but his mother was a nurse and gave pills to help him out.
- His real name is Stuart Pot
- He loves horror films!!! Especially zombie movies.
- Apparently he smells like butterscotch
- He’s VERY tall. he’s like 6′1 and his legs make up most of his body. He towers over the rest of the band.
- His voice actor is Nelson De Freitas, but Damon Albarn provides his singing voice
- The lack of his two front teeth gives him an adorable accent
- He has a crippling fear of whales
- His eyes are black due to an 8-ball fracture that Murdoc gave him before the band was made when he crashed his car into the music store 2D worked at.
- His eyes turn white when he’s stressed or scared.
- His nickname “2D” stands for “Two Dents”. He’s called that because Murdoc’s car crash also gave him two dents in his head.
- Murdoc is seen physically abusing 2D throughout phase 1-3, but there’s a very likely chance that he’s going to stop and make amends in phase 4!!!
- Here’s a playlist of interviews that he’s been in
- Everybody loves him. I love him. I don’t think it’s possible not to love him.


This is Russel Hobbs!!

- He’s the band’s drummer.  He makes remixes too!!!
- The living embodiment of “looks like he could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll”
- Quite possibly the most underrated character in the world
- He was born in Brooklyn, New York on June 3rd, 1975. He got possessed by a demon as a kid and fell into a coma for four years. After he woke up the demon got expelled tho
- When he was a teen, him and his friends were involved in a drive-by shooting. Russel was the only survivor and all of his friends possessed him, but the only one we really get to see is his closest friend, Del, he raps in Clint Eastwood and Rock the House, but we haven’t seen him since phase 1. 
- Russel misses Del very dearly, poor lad.
- After the whole shooting incident he was sent to the UK to live with his uncle.
- HE SAVED 2D FROM BEING EATEN BY A WHALE. HE’S SO UNDERAPPRECIATED 
- He’s an actual giant in phase 3 because he ate some radioactive algae 
- He loves fezzes!!!
- His hobby, besides music, is taxidermy.
- He’s the dad friend
- Here’s a playlist of interviews that he’s been in

Last but not least, this is Noodle

- She plays guitar for the band. She also sings and writes songs sometimes
- Noodle is very energetic and nice but she can also kick your ass
- She was born in Osaka, Japan on October 31st 1990
- She joined the band when she was around 10 but she’s like 26 now. I forgot to mention that the band ages with real time
- As a kid she was a part of a classified child super solider project under the management of a japanese scientist named Mr. Kyuzo. this is where she learned how to be badass. She knew professional karate at like 10 how cool is that
- All of the children in that project were deemed too unstable and dangerous, so they canceled the experiment and Mr. Kyuzo was ordered to kill all of the children (fuckin dark i know). After killing them all, Mr. Kyuzo was reluctant to kill Noodle, so instead he put her in a state of amnesia and smuggled her to the UK by shipping her to Kong Studios in a FedEx crate.
- She didn’t remember anything!!! The only english thing she was able to say to say was “noodle” and that’s where she got her name.
- She learned how to speak english and remembered her past in phase 2.
- Murdoc, 2D and Russel raised her (mostly russel tho). Noodle considers Murdoc and 2D her brothers and Russel considers her his daughter how CUTE IS THAT
- She loves Pokemon
- She had a flying windmill island in phase 2 it was incredible
- She had a cute radio helmet in phase 1 
- She also has a robot version of herself called “Cyborg Noodle” in phase 3. It’s a long story but Cyborg might be coming back for phase 4.
- The interviews that she’s in can be found here!!

The backstory is too long for me to write down, but you can find it over here! I hope i explained everything clearly- if not, or if you have any questions, feel free to send me a message!! I hope this helps you c:

How I see kpop groups and their traits

Exo: referred to as gods by the future generation; they could release an album full of high pitched screaming and still would make the best selling kpop album; china line who?; we are 1 what?; korean members with chinese stage names; don’t let the satan near you; yehet, kkaebsong; give Sehun lines

Bts: from nowhere to everywhere; hyperactive kids making good music; kids with mental health issues doing vanalism; they look at you - you faint;  shit down, beach - bitch?, ikskjuz miii; zoo; give Jin lines

Ikon: B.I, Bobby and friends; favoritism by yg; “the next bigbang”, but yg seems to forget about them so does the crowd; being hyped up then ending up disappointed; capable of doing good music but refuses to; give chanwoo lines

Got7: no mvs in the future just videos of them dabbing; b side tracks always better than the titles; acrobatics until their neck breaks; not so creative fandom name; bamx2 is big; jaCSon, hard carry by Monsta x

Winner: searching for them - error404: nowhere to be found; somewhere in the yg building; Taehyun had enough shit, wants his own band, searching for members through tumblr; capable of being unique, yg aint letting them; let them break out   

Day6: now 5live, nope, day8, members: sungjin, wonpil, dowoon, youngk, jae, chicken little, brian, younghyun; the one who has a stage name but seems like everyone is forgetting about it; dancing king; hashtag king; let dowoon sing

Astro: too much sugar in my eyes i can’t see; too pure for you; won’t ever do other than cute concepts;  michael jackson; giant maknae; voice cracks for life; new generation of flower boys

Seventeen: too many; pledis has a thing for girly boys; pledis’ only income; leg breaking choreos; adore u remakes as title tracks; no dark concepts in the future; sebeuntin; carrots, mounteen; slipping here and there; dino nugu aegi; thughao, 10:10; divaboo; noone looks like suga; jeongcheol, meanie; give china line lines

Vixx: concept kings but kinda ran out of concepts; oldschool kpop feel; from vixx ravi to solo ravi - full upgrade; one of the prettiest fandom names; endless leader bullying; serial killer; let the maknae line sing

Shinee: going strong since 2008; people seem to pay less attention to them; taemin upgraded; weird fashion taste - key; cola cola; don’t sleep on them

Infinite: dope intros - give you chills; old kpop sound, unique sound; scorpion dance, live singing + synchronized choreos; dinosaur who’s laugh can be heard without a mic; endless leader and maknae bullying; saved woollim; give sungyeol and sungjong lines

Monsta x: future strippers; stuck between hiphop and sexy concepts; wtf is going on here mvs, gay mvs; cringiest fandom name; weird noises by the rapper; damn daniel; how to learn hungarian by changkyun; abs, memes; ten years later: waiting for their first win; mosta x, moista x, monster x;  give hyungwon lines; 

Bigbang: legends; noone can dance, too lazy to dance; fashionistas; min hyorin; yg = bigbang

B.a.p: started to rise - shit happened - nobody cares about them anymore; getting killed or killing others in mvs; unappreciated dancers and rappers; high notes for life; actual meaningful lyrics

Block b: zico and the boys; biggest weirdos of them all; no friendship just business; give jaehyo lines

Nct: taeyong and the boys; pouring salt at the wounds; mess of a noise music; rotating as much that i can already see the tornado; dozens of units; horrible fashion; unnecessary ps; damn hoverboard skills; great vocals being hidden; johnny somehow managed to get out; let hansol free; give lines to everyone

Pentagon: putting them through an unnecessary scripted survival show to make people foget about some disbanded groups (4minute); sm and yg let some gems slip out from their hands, at least they are not in the dungeon; giants and dwarfs; ugly crying; lame jokes; ultrasound screams; nudity; wooyu; yutoda; give shinwon lines

Btob: being forgotten by cube; weird, extra; slowly turning into a ballad group; is minhyuk a rapper?; give peniel lines

Beast: what is happening with u cube? shit happened; new name - bea5t?;  lost their spirit after shit happned; great lives 

Suju: waiting for ot15; shit still happening; growing out of kpop; concepts don’t match their age; still waiting for kibum; don’t forget about zhoumi & henry; diaries of a married man; being succesful in the military

Nu’est: best debut song ever; had the most potential as a rookie group; pledis messed up; now they’re popular anywhere besides korea; getting worse and worse title songs; aesthetic mvs; creative fandom name; again pledis has a thing for girly boys

Ft Island: hongki and the others; awesome dope music (let’s not count puppy here); people don’t appreciate quality music anymore; this gem is lost in the ocean of cute, badass & hiphop concepts; pretty fandom name

Cnblue: another gem; better japanese releases; boring new songs because they have to fit into the kpop standard; yonghwa’s unique teeth; visuals; let the others sing

SF9: another group coming from a survival show; covering their seniors’ songs so they can’t even recognize them; thumbs up for the K.O choreography; don’t go with them to amusement parks; deep af voice maknae; park jimin 2.0; hwiyoung got them lines in roar

KNK: a bunch of idiots - literally; tall af; models af; old school kpop feels; if you hear someone laugh hysterically from afar it’s probably them; falling dramatically to the floor while doing so; choking sounds; don’t let them feed you; horlolololo; astro x knk; bullying sanha

2PM: definition of men; hella hot bodies; starting to be unknown; when was their latest first win?; manly concepts; awesome vocals; the rap is still meh; go crazy is a jam y’all; great actors

U-Kiss: so many member changes; lit songs, but not getting appreciation; don’t complain about your faves not getting 1st place like 2 months after debut - it took for them years; the first kpop fathers; they need a comeback soon

B1A4: great vocals again; don’t let them being forgotten; cnu just rocks the short hair admit it; baby i’m sorry is one of the best kpop songs; but great ballads as well

Teen top: they need to go back to their previous style; cap rocking them tattoos; hilariously funny group - watch their weekly idol; promoting as five now - anticipate their comeback

Wanna One: what even is this name; salty af that Jonghyun and Samuel are NOT in the 11; Never is still my jam; i’m not lookung forward for cute concepts; god 10 year age gap between the oldest and youngest member; still salty some trainess weren’t even in top 20 *cough* hwanwoong *cough* taehyun *cough* gunhee* *cough*; some great inventors (round clap, jeojang, etc.) and psychos and a lot more.

Everyone please note that i dont mean to offend neither the groups neither the fans. its just for fun and me being 100% sarcastic by these statements. i love and respect these groups with all my heart!
sorry, its a bit long.

Not to be too cheesy but I just love the idea of trans/nb people choosing their own names. Its like thats your main identifier, even when you aren’t around, and the idea that you get to pick it yourself, whether its a 2 second process or a 10 year process, is just so amazing to me. You no longer carry a name that just holds meaning to someone else, you get to carry a name that means something to you in particular, even if the meaning is just “I feel like this fits me”

(YES, This applies no matter how you chose it !!) 

paladins and memes?
  • lance has every “[verb] in spanish” photo saved to his phone
  • pidge has every kermit photo saved to hers
  • “if i don’t make it out of here i want you to lead voltron”
  • shiro: “lance won’t come out of his room” pidge:”i got this” [deep breath] “WHAT TEAM” lance: [sprinting from his room] “WILDCATS”
  • lance added a shortcut to pidge’s phone so that it autocorrects “fuck u” to “(ง •̀_•́)ง”
  • lance rickrolls people at every opportunity
    • coran actually seems to like the song
  • lance: “can i borrow your laptop” pidge: [clearly typing] “i don’t have a computer”
  • hunk is moon moon
  • shiro: [shows up 10 minutes late with the space equivalent of starbucks] “what’d i miss”
  • coran: [softly, but with a lot of feeling] “what the quiznak”
  • shiro’s eyeliner is a meme
  • keith: “when people get too chummy with me i like to call them by the wrong name to let them know i don’t really care about them” pidge: “that’s a genius move” keith: “thank you” pidge: “you’re welcome… lester” keith: [silent pride]
  • keith likes coconut water
    • lance is appalled, hunk is amused
  • allura’s proposed solution to everything is “take a nap”
    • a 10,000 year long nap
  • shiro: “i could sure use a hot steamy cup of mental stability”
Why People Fall In Love

Muses: Jeon Jungkook.
Words: 4.7k words of cringe worthy fluff.
Type: fwb!au + fake dating!au
Note: This is another my ‘to be posted’ scenarios, posted.  Yay. :D

+ An agreement to become Jungkook’s fake girlfriend and a trip back to his hometown lets you see more of the Jeon Jungkook who you think is only made of Friday hookups and boyish charms.

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin


“So let me get this straight, your brother’s bringing his girlfriend home for dinner this weekend and you ‘sorta’ blurted out that you have a girlfriend too just because you want to prove that he’s wrong about you not being able to keep a girl?”

Sheepishly, Jungkook smiles and rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, sorta.”

At his nonchalance, you lightly smack his chest; it’s not like he’s going to feel anything if you straight out punch him anyway. “He’s totally right!”

Keep reading

ranking fruit names (german)

selected fruits (bc they have the more german-german names, u know, not a… basically generic name like kiwi etc):
Apfel, Birne, Pfirsich, Banane, Erdbeere, Johannisbeere, Pflaume, Dattel, Himbeere, Ananas, Trauben, Limette, Zitrone, Orange/Apfelsine

i rank the name not the taste! 

Apfel (apple): very basic name, not at all fancy but the “pf” is a nice touch. i give it…. a 3.8/10

Birne (pear): a good name! used in various phrases as well, eg: “sich die Birne anschlagen” (to hit ya head), “Glühbirne” (lightbulb), i give it 5.9/10, a good name for a pear shaped fruit

Pfirsich (peach): Pfirsich, or as the southern would call it: Pfirschig. quite tricky with the “s” and the “ch”, gives the whole name an air of fanciness. 7.5/10

Banane (banana): BORING! 1/10

Erdbeere (strawberry): an earth berry? no thankx, eat ya own dirt, 1.2/10

Johannisbeere (currant): whomst is this Johannis and how do i meet him? 6/10

Pflaume (plum): the most wholesome name!!!!! tbh!!!! Pflaume sound so round. so juicy. 10/10. famous namebearers: Kai Pflaume

Dattel (date): i do not like the name of this fruit :/ Dattel…. not a good name. not a good name. at most a 2/10

Himbeere (raspberry): who is HE, who is HIM? anti feminist icon Himbeere 0/10

Ananas (pineapple): a nice name. has produced this 1 iconic joke: 
Was wird aus Anna im Regen? (What becometh of Anna in the Raineth?)
–> Ananas aka Anna nass (Anna wet)
iconic, 10/10

Trauben (grapes): 1 grape is not 1 Traube. 1 grape is 1 Weinbeere. 1 Traube is 1 whole buncha grapes. but the word Trauben? i like it, 7.7/10

Limette (lime): a good fucking name! fancy! i give Limette a wholesome 10/10 and on the fancy scala a 6/10

Zitrone (lemon): those yellow fuckers. theyre like bananas but evil. the name is nice tho, i really enjoy the “Z” because it makes it fancy. a wholesome 8/10

Orange/Apfelsine (orange): technically, a basic name. Orange. but Apfelsine? which basically (is dutch i think????? dont quote) means Apfel aus China (apple from china) and that gives the thing a whole other dimension tbh, 7.9/10

Still hilarious to me (and frustrating as hell) that fandom wank 10-15 years ago was “oh, that character is too perfect. Special snowflake. Mary Sue. Give them some flaws to make them more realistic.”

and now it’s “that character isn’t pure enough. They have all these flaws. You must be a bad person if you like them.”

what the ever-living fuck, fandom

Supernatural:  10 Lessons From Tonight’s Episode

“Regarding Dean,” Episode 11, Season 12

1.  Dean canonically loves bunnies, and should have one with him at all times. 

Add it to the list of bunker animals, along with Sam’s dog and Cas’s guinea pig.

It also helps that the bunny sort of looks like him. 

Like, come on.  Tell me you don’t see the resemblance.

2.  He’s also taking steps towards being more open about who and what he loves.

Baby steps, Dean.  Baby steps.

3.  This is not a sentence I ever expected to hear come out of Dean’s mouth, but I am insanely glad that it did.

4.  Nor was this one, though honestly it’s just as good.

5.  Honestly, this whole exchange was just pure, bisexual gold.

*Cough* As soon as you walked in, you had the hots for Larry. *Cough*

6.  Dean needs and deserves to use a grenade launcher, and I am shocked and enraged that he hasn’t.

Look at the anguish on his face.  Just let him shoot the damn grenades, you monsters.

7.  Rowena, like any sane person, loves giving Dean nose boops. 

Get it, gurl!  LOL, this is honestly such a cute, fun episode. :)  

8.  …Okay, maybe it’s not so fun. 

9.  I TAKE IT BACK, THIS EPISODE IS THE PERSONIFICATION OF EMOTIONAL ANGUISH. 

DEAN, BABY, PLEASE DON’T CRY.  I’LL TAKE YOU IN MY ARMS AND CUDDLE YOU AND TELL YOU YOUR NAME UNTIL EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT AGAIN.

10.  Dean is a raging bisexual, and everyone just needs to come to terms with that.

Come on, SPN writers:  show me one heterosexual man who derives that much enjoyment from riding a mechanical bull.  Point one out to me.  I’ll wait.  Never mind the fact that he’s way too good at riding things for someone who’s never shown much interest in horses.  

Jesus fucking Christ. 


Overall rating:  9/10 for cuteness, Larry, and making me cry like a little bitch.  One point redacted for forced heterosexuality, but otherwise an amazing and very memorable ep from a solid season.  Honorable mention for the perennially patient Sammy.

Gif credit to: @angvlicmish, @stephen-amell, @veryamooseing, @yourfavoritedirector, @faramaiofnerdwoodforest, @codestielckles

completely out of text quotes that im fully convinced were said on the starblaster

spoilers maybe??? I guess

I don’t know who said what for half of these and even though some of them are kind of obvious everything is up for interpretation

feel free to add to this!!

- “welcome back, my love!!!! stop fucking dying”
- “cap’npooooort taako hit me with the ladle agaaaaaain”
- “if one of you chucklefucks switch the red ink cartridges into blue pens again I swear to GOSH you won’t make it to the next cycle”
- “hey sorry to wake you up but Barry got ahold of the magic booze and won’t stop singing “margaritaville” and normally I’d be okay with this but he forgot half the words and is replacing it with beep boops so can I sleep in your room tonight”
- “maggie, broski, bubba, if you pronounce lasagna as las-aag-nah one more time, I’m gonna hit you with the fucking ladle agAIN-“
- “IF YOU KIDS DONT STOP FUCKING YELLING IM TURNING THIS SPACE BOAT AROUND AND LETTING ALL OF YOU GET VORED BY DARKNESS”
- “sorry I used magic to try and toast a bagel but I got distracted and long story short for the rest of the year we only have half a kitchen”
- “see Merle your plan is good and all but not only is it dumb, it’s also stupid.”
- “are you allergic??? no??? then there’s absolutely no reason we can’t have a dog we have plenty of food and water and I would train him he’d be a good boy I swe
- “i have no idea how to play chess but I’m almost certain you’re doing it wrong”
- “hey stop stealing Magnus’s shit!!!! that’s my thing”
- “lup was shaving half of davenport’s mustache really necessary JUST because he ate the rest of your Fantasy Poptarts?!” (from my other hc post).
- “this toaster is homophobic” 
- “this coffee maker is transphobic”
- “hey Lucretia sorry to bother you but I accidentally let myself be emotionally vulnerable for 10 seconds and Magnus has been trying to get me to talk about things so I’m your book partner now”

- “his name is john? god with a name like that I just wanna punch him even more.”
- “no! dogs! in! space!”

21 Things you learn about tumblr:

1) Tumblr is a place of social justice.

2) Rape, sexual assault, harassment, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying, depression, eating disorders, anxiety, etc… Those are to be taken very VERY seriously. It’s not something to joke about.

3) If you are racist/homophobic or close-minded like that, this isn’t a place you wanna be.

4) People here say that you must not EVER speak of tumblr outside of tumblr, and that specifically includes mentioning your url on facebook/twitter or connecting your tumblr to them. And you know what? They’re right. We come here because tumblr is that place where we can express ourselves the way we want, and in a way stay safely anonymous from our own life outside of tumblr. Here (whether by posts, reblogs or tags) we reveal more of our identities, thoughts, secrets, insecurities, moments of insanity etc… than we would ever reveal on other SNS. If you’re interested in revealing yourself so openly to your social circle of family and friends outside of tumblr, if you’re ready for it, then I won’t judge you. Go ahead.

5) There are real people behind their computers/phones on this site. Real people who can have their feelings hurt. People have enough shit to deal with in their lives so don’t be that anon hater/cyber bully and make things worse.

6) Tumblr loves animals.

7) Your “I’ll just check my dash for five minutes” will turn to five hours of scrolling and reblogging.

8) DON’T fuck with superwholock. They will come for you.

9) Supernatural has a gif for everything. Don’t even try to test them, there’s no point.

10) Gifs everywhere.

11) No one really knows how to pronounce ‘gif’

12) I like your shoelace.

13) DON’T try to take credit for something you did not do. Always give credit to the artist/photographer/blog if you repost but still, there’s a reblog option for a reason.

14) There are too many sides of tumblr to count.

15) Science side of tumblr can explain anything.

16) Fandom side of tumblr can hijack any post.

17) DO NOT INSULT SOMEONES SHIP.

18) No one spells Benedips Cumbercumber’s name right.

19) Harry Potter is a beloved.

20) Kpop fandom are in constant ‘too many feels’ mode and are always unable to can.

21) Once you tumblr… there’s no going back.

InkTober Prompt: October-nite

1. Falling
2. Wings
3. Magic
4. Drugs
5. Red
6. Purple
7. Blue
8. Fight
9. Weapon
10. Sweets
11. Island
12. Death
13. Water
14. Prank
15. Fire
16. Flowers
17. Flight
18. Blood
19. Pain
20. Void
21. Insanity
22. Sickness
23. Tainted
24. Love
25. Treasure
26. Meal
27. Monster
28. Family
29. Tree
30. Home
31. Shadows

Feel free to use this if youd like!! If you do, tag it as “Octobernite” (not the best name I know :^(() Im not sure if im going to be doing this prompt this year, but hopefully this isnt too last minute!! Also sorry that it has to be in this format! if you want, I can whip up a nicer looking prompt tomorrow :,D
btw go follow @october-nite if you want to see all the drawings from other people! and if you want me to see it, tag this blog or that blog

THE PALMETTO STATE FOXES: NEIL ABRAM JOSTEN, #10.

Neil’s name was scrawled across the front in black marker. Neil thought about flipping the folder open, but what was the point? The man this coach had researched so carefully wasn’t real and wouldn’t exist much longer. In five weeks Neil would graduate and in six he’d be someone else somewhere very far away from here. It didn’t matter how much he liked being Neil Josten. He’d stayed here too long as it was. Neil should be used to this by now. He’d spent the last eight years on the run, spinning lie after lie to leave a twisted trail behind him. Twenty-two names stood between him and the truth, and he knew what would happen if anyone finally connected the dots. Signing with a college team meant more than standing still. It meant he’d be stepping into a spotlight. The math was simple, but that didn’t make this any easier. That contract was a one-way ticket to a future, something Neil could never have, and he wanted it so badly he ached.

A Single Voice Above The Noise

Anyone ask for another soulmate AU? No? Well, have one anyway. In this one soulmates share a telepathic link.

Summary: Stan doesn’t have a soulmate. That is fine. He doesn’t need one. Or so he thought until he suddenly hears a voice in his head that is not his own

Meanwhile Richie and Eddie can’t wait to meet each other and just have to make do with what they’ve got

Word Count: 17692 (I know it got long)

Pairing: Stan/Bill & Richie/Eddie

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12393633


Some people heard voices in their head and Stan had a hard time understanding how these people were not on medication or in therapy. No… hearing voices was considered a good thing, desirable. Well, voices, plural, might not be. But hearing your soulmate talking to you was normal. At least that’s what people said, Stan had never experience it and he was honestly pretty glad about that. Sometimes he wondered if he should try it, but the day he gave in and tried to communicate telepathically with someone who probably wasn’t even real, he’d lose all self-respect. It’s not that Stan didn’t believe in soulmates, and he somehow also believed in the voices thing, because his friend Eddie heard a voice, and he didn’t think Eddie was crazy. But Stan didn’t believe that hearing a voice would be good for him and he didn’t believe there was a soulmate for him. That’s normal too, not everyone had one.


He was in his mid-twenties, if he had a soulmate, he’d have heard him by now, right? Eddie said, he’s heard the voice for years now. Stan didn’t know how he dealt with it, because there’s no rules to the voices and everything needed to have rules, everything needed to follow a certain path. So no, Stan was not envious of the people hearing voices. He was quite happy that he didn’t, but if everyone could stop pitying him every time he said so, that would be great.


Sweetcheeks!


I’ve told you not to call me that.


You never like any of my names for you.


Because they’re awful!


If I knew your name, I could personalize them for you.


Richie immediately regretted saying that, he knew what was going to happen next and sure…


My name is… And then silence.


Richie groaned. He had wanted to tell him about band practice, but now his soulmate was gone. This always happened when either of them tried to be a bit more specific. At first, he had thought his soulmate was a fucking tease, always shutting up when they tried to arrange a meeting or whatever.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Dude u should rate the archers

a classic. simple yet incredibly cool & iconic design. founder of the GAR meme and still its strongest example. rude and cynical yet idealistic beyond measure, or rather rude & cynical because he’s so idealistic but knows consciously that it’s not possible to actually save everyone. somehow both a person and a concept and having such a hard time reconciling being an avatar of blind and absolute justice with his own much smaller wish to just never see people cry again he’s willing to straight up erase himself from existence if that’s what it takes to stop having to be a concept. so cool and badass it makes dudebros set aside their own masculinity to admire him more yet also a complete loser and happiest when cooking dinner for a few close friends & family members. forget about being executed for crimes he didn’t commit, the way he got shafted in extella is the largest injustice he’s ever faced. 50/10

ah. that motherfucker. what a tool. honestly a really good character but somehow never really got to shine at full potential as the world’s first hero until ch babylon because the mainseries games needed him as a villain and CCC was weirdly biased towards emiya in a way that made him get overshadowed in thematic power by someone who’s not even in his route. loves the world and humanity but is disgusted with its current state and drunkenly decides to practise some light genocide in fsn to cull the weak and bring the world to its former glory because he is a grumbling old man complaining about kids these days. probably hasn’t been sober once in the entire 10 years since he first raided kirei’s wine supply. patron deity of following your desires and being true to your nature because as the first hero he is the ultimate representation of how humans have always had the same hopes and fears and desires and doubts. humanity’s largest ally despite everything, two/thirds divine and created to prevent humans from overthrowing gods, but ultimately the reason why humanity was able to separate itself from the gods and live for itself, as humans. a god damn tsundere if i’ve ever seen one. 30/10 theory 8/10 execution

clawed gauntlets 8/10

all i know about him is that his master really wants to fuck a horse

a good egg no matter how much he tries to pretend otherwise. not the “real” robin hood but rather one of many people who took up the title when the rumors of a vigilante thief started spreading, and simply the poor sod who happened to match the legends the best and got made into the one singular robin hood as a result. has no problem stooping to the dirtiest tricks to win but is also very conscious about the dirtyness of it and will get mad when people who work hard and fair are ridiculed. doesn’t think his decision to become a robin hood was a bad one but still kind of longs for the nobleness of a knight’s life over his own life in the shadows. tries to convince everyone he’s a bad guy and maintains a flippant attitude but has a strong sense of justice and starts fussing over people he likes very quickly. 10/10

a FRIEND. someone who literally ends conflicts even if it costs him his life. a symbol of peace. the fucking mvp of camelot. devotion to the people so immense it can divide the land and rips his body apart. a gentle and cheerful older brother figure who’s great with kids. 8/10

DAI ROKUTEN MAOU 9/10

presents a perfect friendly hero persona as a duty but is actually very cold and bitter and wants to be left alone. gifted with all the love and material wealth he could possibly want from birth yet unable to appreciate it like he consciously knows he should, because he never asked for any of it. hates karna’s guts because karna is so perfectly selfless in a way arjuna knows he should be in order to be a good person deserving of his fortune, but isn’t. also hates people who try to get to know him for risk of them finding out he is not as good a person as he feels he should be. good character but i feel im gonna remain weirdly ambivalent to him until i roll him. 7/10

all the complaints about his design have already been beaten to death but honestly I love that it doesn’t make any fucking sense because he doesn’t make any fucking sense himself. he’s several paradoxes in a trenchcoat held together with kintsugi that should barely even exist. super ultra extreme edgy when on duty as the counter force’s killing machine but outside that he’s mostly just tired and calmly waits for the day where he’ll forget everything including himself so that he can finally Stop. fully convinced that when he forgets his entire past all that’ll be left of him is the fact he’s good at killing but still thinks that’ll be better than having to continue being a person, and when the time is actually here he’s almost more shirou-like than vanilla archer and straight up cries at the prospect of getting to help people. 15/10

wasnt he like a super huge fan of pigeons historically

ANOTHER GOOD EGG made a reputation for himself as bandit king at age 12 out of necessity and while he initially enjoyed picking fights and stirring up shit everywhere he quickly turned around and tried to avoid conflict wherever possible. his friendly face actually let him be somewhat accepted by the townspeople but despite this he was forever branded as an outlaw and eventually met his end through a sneak attack from his former friend. cheeky and tends to flaunt his reputation and marksmanship but it’s mostly because that’s all he gets to be to others anyway and just rolls with it, and he actually hates the name he’s made for himself. constantly apologises for both the bandit persona he puts on and his actual far more quiet personality. 10/10

please stop praying for my grandpa he is becoming too powerful. stylish beyond belief. swings around a fuckoff huge gun coffin like it’s nothing then complains about his hips. the archetypal evil mastermind yet also a subversion of it, because rather than calculating how to destroy the world because he’s evil, he calculated how to destroy the world and then had no choice but to become evil if he wanted to test if he was right. I’m so glad fran has a father now. 9/10

big titty curly haired anime blonde is just a really good trope and her swimsuits are super cute 8/10 

wouldnt it be nice if they stopped putting you two in those bunny suits tho

FRIEND. special mention because he’s one of the only barechested dudes in the game who actually has nipples

WOULDNT IT BE NICE IF THEY ACTUALLY GAVE YOU A PERSONALITY WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF THEY WOULD FUCKING DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR GENUINELY INTERESTING CHARACTER CONCEPT WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF THEY EXPLORED YOU AS THE CREEPY KILLER CHILD SIDE OF ILLYA THAT NEVER GOT TO SEE THE LIGHT IN PRILLYA BECAUSE ILLYA NEVER SAW THE KIND OF CONFLICT THAT WOULD MAKE HER SHOW THIS SIDE AND WHO IN THIS TIMELINE ALSO ONLY APPEARS BECAUSE OF CONFLICT AND WANTS TO PROVE SHE HAS A PLACE IN THE PEACEFUL LIFE SHE ISN’T NEEDED IN AND FEELS CHEATED OUT OF WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF THEY DID SOMETHING WITH THE FACT THAT YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN EXIST BUT GRABBED HOLD OF A HEROIC SPIRIT WHO CAN MAKE THINGS THAT DON’T EXIST APPEAR ANYWAY AND USED IT TO MAKE YOURSELF HEARD AND DEMAND A PLACE IN THE HAPPINESS THAT HAS NO USE FOR YOU WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF THEY REALISED THE AMOUNT OF PARALLELS THEY COULD BE MAKING WITH AN ILLYA WHO TAKES AFTER ARCHER LOCKED IN DEADLY RIVALRY WITH AN ILLYA WHO TAKES FAR MORE AFTER SHIROU WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF THEY DID ALL THAT INSTEAD OF HAVING YOU SEXUALLY ASSAULT OTHER CHILDREN ON SCREEN FOR THE FANSERVICE BECAUSE YOU’RE ~EVIL~ WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF PRILLYA EVENT AT LEAST TRIED TO MAKE AMENDS FOR YOUR HORRIBLE TREATMENT IN THE ACTUAL SHOW WOULDN’T IT B

cucker

does this look like the face of mercy to you

Self Love Spell

Made for this anonymous requester. [You can watch it here]

What you will need:

  • Paper and pen
    • Colour is unimportant, but I use black on black when I can.
  • Flame

What to do:

  1. Set up your flame. I use a candle. Please be smart if you choose to use this spell. Obviously, only in a well-ventilated area (outside is ideal), watch your hair, don’t overdo it. Things catch fire faster than you think they will. 
  2. Write all the things you’re insecure about on a piece of paper. It’s okay to repeat yourself. If someone/something is bothering you, you can name them/it on the flame too. [This does not make it a curse. This spell is not a curse, it’s a spell to remove something’s power to hurt you.]
  3. Burn it. Watch the smoke rise as the paper disintegrates into nothing. Imagine all the bad, negative things you wrote just melting away, like wax on a candle, or burning up, like wood in a fire place, until it’s nothing but a pile of ash and a puddle of black goop.
  4. On another piece of paper, write at least 10 things you like about yourself. Put it somewhere you’ll see it often. On a mirror, in your planner, etc. Remember this spell whenever you see it, and think about how your insecurities can no longer hurt you. 
GOT7 as Day Jobs
  • Jaebum: pet store manager. pretends to be tough and intimidating but all of his coworkers know he spends all of his free time with the kittens up for adoption. strays away from manager duties to watch the puppers get a haircut through the window. he's actually not quite sure how he got the management position. ate a dog treat as a dare (cried minutes later)
  • Mark: department store sales associate. his favorite part of the store is the home furnishings. he's extremely knowledgeable of bed comfort levels (he would know, he takes naps when no one is looking). also the type to take his full break and then go to the bathroom during his work time. claims to have a serious health issue that allows him to sit down whenever he needs to
  • Jackson: gym trainer. everyone asks for him because he's the nicest and always slows down when someone doesn't understand how to do something. hypes up ANYONE he sees around the gym. runs around bringing water bottles to everyone. often secretly texts during his shifts for his friends to come visit him when it gets slow
  • Jinyoung: daycare assistant. he's always the first to come in and the last to leave. teaches the babs how to draw hearts and stars. gets heart eyes whenever the kids share their snacks with him!! ecstatic! he's always playing with them (especially hide and seek) ((he's too big so they always find him in like .03 seconds)) all of the parents swoon over him when they go to pick up their kiddies and ask him to babysit too (he has business cards at the ready)
  • Youngjae: ironically applied to work at a fast food restaurant. ends up as employee of the month. his name tag is covered in stickers and he likes to play with the kids meal toys on his breaks. always brings his friends food at the end of his shift. accidentally spills company secrets because he doesn't know how to make small talk with his customers
  • Bambam: designer boutique sales associate. floats around asking people if they need any help color coordinating. 9/10 times will end up taking over and picking out their clothes for them. has been reprimanded for saying "are you sure those shoes match your outfit :^/" one too many times. also thinks it's appropriate to say "yas" and "work it" to everyone leaving the changing room to look in the mirror
  • Yugyeom: grocery store cashier. memorized every fruit and vegetable code and often points to said foods when his friends are eating it and recites the code with a smug face. doodles on the back of the receipt paper. EXTREME stress levels when his line has more than two customers. gets nervous when a parent leaves their child with him because they forgot butter. RUNS OUT OF THE STORE WHEN HIS SHIFT ENDS (and back in again-- he forgot to clock out)
Should I Bang the Daedric Prince?

Originally posted by redmoor

A Guide to Fucking Your Way Around Tamriel and Beyond 

Azura – Okay, let’s get started. All the depictions of Azura are of a big tall powerful and scantily clad woman. She’s also credited with creating the Khajiit, aka, the best people in Tamriel, so points for that, thanks for making me realize how much I love cats, Azzie. But is she fuckable, that’s what we want to know, right? According to the official lore, she’s one of the few to be considered ‘good.’ Which is fine, I’m sure she’d like a good long cuddle afterward, but frankly I’d rather just sit down and have a nice cup of Daedra Wine and cackle with her over gossip. 4/10.

Boethiah – Okay, fuck Boethiah, the first thing they ask of me is to find an innocent person and kill them. I’m gross, not evil. That being said, she loves competition and battle and is depicted carrying a big old ax, which, yes. Go ahead and ax me a question, babe. Go ahead and stroke back my hair, go ahead and stick your tongue directly into my brain. I’ll do whatever you want. Plus, have you seen those thighs? 9/10, would absolutely stick my face in them.

Clavicus Vile – Okay, let’s say you find yourself in Tamriel looking for a good time. There you are, wandering the snowy mountains when a dog with a Jersey accent starts bitching at you. But he leads you to Clavicus Vile. And Vile…has horns. And can shapeshift.

Sorry, I had to take a moment there, I was lost in the idea of fucking a shapeshifting God Demon with horns to hold onto. Vile is gonna be the best time you’ll ever have. He’ll fuck you until you can’t walk anymore. And then the next day, he’ll find something fantastic for you to stick in his butthole. I can’t wait to descend into Tamriel and go on a date with MotherFuckin’ Clavicus Vile. Give me the Clap, Clavvy. 10/10

Hermaeus Mora – If we are judging by appearances alone, sure, I’d go for it. You guys already know how much I like a good tentacle. But old Mora has more than a few drawbacks. For one, his eye looks like a loose and floppy anus. For two, every time he talks, all I can think about is diarrhea. Hermaeus Mora has a Diarrhea Voice and he talks too damn slow and he’s so full of himself. He’s the kind of god who talks up how good he’s gonna fuck you and then when it comes right down to it he comes after two seconds and then fucks off to go watch Daedra TV. He’s the kind of guy who gets jelly in your bed and blames his farts on the dog. 1/10

HircineHunt me daddy. The father of Manbeasts, he’s called. With a name like that, he’s gonna split you in two. He’s gonna chase you down through the woods, but in like, a fun sexy way. Father of Manbeasts is great but I bet he’s also the Master of the Orgy. You want a good time and Vile isn’t around? Call up old Hercine and he’ll hook you up with a delicious night you’ll never forget. Maybe if you ask nicely he’ll wear the loincloth. Did I mention he has antlers? That’s pretty damn close to horns, right? 9/10

Jyggalag – what the fuck kind of name… “He represents logical order and deduction, and is said to 'never have had an original idea in his life.'” So, the picture of this particular prince is pretty hot. Full body armor, shining in the weird sunlight, he’s got a big weapon, lookin’ good. But that description leads me to a different conclusion. See, not that every night in the sack has to be creative and new and exciting, you are never gonna get anything but the old in and out with this motherfucker. He likes order. So nothing new, nothing…fun. No glory holes for Jyggalag. Maybe he just hates hearing his name called out in the throes of passion. I know I would if that were my name. “Oh, Jyggalag, you’re so predictable” doesn’t really roll of the tongue when it comes to pillow talk. 3/10 (points given for appearance.)

Malacath – Mmmmmm Hmmmmm… Malacath. The Granddaddy of the Orcs. Have you seen the statues? Dude is ripped, and wearing drapes of fabric, and showing off his truly excellent thighs! Dude would give you a great fucking time. Dude would see that you’ve never really experienced real passion and he’d show you the meaning of. He’d cook you breakfast the next morning. He’d massage your shoulders, sore from killing the shit out of giants. This guy would draw you a bath and keep it hot while he fucked you. And I bet, I will fucking guarantee, that this guy is kinky as shit. Malacath is a switch. And since he’s a Daedric Prince, you’ve got yourself the Subbiest Sub, the Toppiest Top. Go forth and have an excellent time with Malacath. 9/10

Mehrunes Dagon – Deadly but fucking worth it. Dagon has four arms, my friends. Four. And abs for days. I bet Dagon likes it rough, I bet Dagon has a kink dot com subscription and thinks that’s the epitome of well represented kink. Dagon is a fuckboy. Dagon will give it to you good, for a while. Then it’ll all turn boring because his idea of dirty talk is to just whisper obscure nicknames for your genitals while sticking his fingers in your mouth. 6/10, for the good body.

Mephala – When you meet Mephala, she’s just a voice. Not a bad voice, but not the best I’ve ever heard. But sweet Mephala has a fascination of messing with people for her own amusement. And she likes spiders. Let’s work this out here, on paper. Mephala likes spiders, and messing with people. Most of the Princes appear to be able to shapeshift, so let’s say Mephala can give herself extra limbs. More limbs for hugging. And I bet she can spin spider silk too, and maybe she can sink her teeth into my neck. Also her statue features extra arms and also a really….long tongue. Yes, Maphala. Weave this pussy. 8/10 because I don’t know if she can actually give herself extra legs like I want.

Meridia – This bitch is high maintenance and I love it. She’s gonna be a great domme. Kind and caring and also knows exactly how far to push you. She’s gonna order you on your knees and you’ll love it. But there’s a catch, because there’s always a fucking catch with these guys. After you’re done? She’ll give you a sword and make you walk across the world, telling everyone how great she is in bed. As a prophet of Merida, your dying words will be “best head of my life, totally worth it.” Seeing as how she’s rather conventional looking, (no scales, no horns) I’m lowering her rating to 7/10

Molag Bal – “The Prince of domination and spiritual enslavement” Maker’s Fuck, are all the Daedric princes kinky? I guess the answer is yes. But, my word, have you seen his feet? I’m not even a foot guy, I’m just looking at these Clydesdale like motherfucking hooves and getting a little dizzy. I’d let him step on me. I bet he would step on me too. Reading his description gives me a bit of a tumblr DaddyDom vibe. Molag Bal takes pictures of himself hitting a bed with a belt. Molag Bal’s blog is nothing but slow motion blowjob GIFs of pretty girls and giant dicks. You can look, but maybe it’s best if you fuck the hairy Nord at the end of the bar instead. At least they’ll wrap you in furs afterwards. 3/10

Namira – No. Slugs? No. I have my fucking limits and slugs and filth are pretty high up there. Namira is into scat. Pass. 0/10

Nocturnal – This goes against my usual grain, but have you guys even seen Nocturnal? She is a babe. She’s a total babe. She likes the lights off which is right up my alley. Let’s do it in the dark, Nocturnal. Let’s have clandestine meetings. I’ll wear that thing you like. You can whisper naughty things into my ear and we’ll read poetry to each other and eat fruit and just be so gay forever. 9/10 (No carapace, dammit)

Peryite – This guy is like, STDs 4 Less, an all you can eat buffet of every sickness known to Tamriel. His followers vomit on you. This guy has a puking kink and I want nothing to do with that. Plus you have to wander all over the place to find a pretty jewel to turn into incense just to talk? High maintenance and disease riddled, an emetophiliac, no thank you, good sir. I shall get my jollies elsewhere, preferably with someone who won’t cover me in sick. 1/10

Sanguine – This guy is just asking for a high rating. Sanguine wants to be the party guy. He wants to get wasted and go club hopping, he wants to show up early and leave late. He’s got that want, that need and so you’re gonna have a good time. Plus his natural form is a Dremora, easily the most fuckable creature in Tamriel. Got that thick, ebony armor, got those horns and ridges, got that grinding watery voice. And his staff has a rose on it, which is pretty. He likes pretty things. He likes giving and giving. He’s fuckable, but you could honestly make a life out of it. Just you and Sanguine, lounging at a party, feeding each other Daedra grapes and Daedra cheese and laughing and uncaring about anything around you. Fuck Sanguine, but marry him after. 10/10

Sheogorath – For people with a clown fetish. 1/10 for this author, 10/10 if you have a thing for giggling jerks in jester hats, in which case, why not go for Cicero? At least he’ll take you to meet his mother.  

Vaermina – There’s a saying in Ancient Tamriel: “Vaermina’s a little bitch.” She lives in a swamp, gives people nightmares, dresses in rags. She’s basically Shrek, and nobody wants to fuck Shrek. (Please do not send me messages telling me otherwise) The best she can offer is a temporary evil clone of  a random person. Why? What good does that do? Vaermina is the kind of person who criticizes her lovers harshly in bed, yelling that they’re not doing a good enough job, but not in a kinky way, more in that overbearing manager way who doesn’t like how you wash your coffee cup. Do not bang Vaermina, no mortal self esteem can take it. 0/10