there are far too many imperfections

You loved me in the dark

You know more than anybody
I am not one
to be at a loss for words,
But I truly don’t know
what to say right now

Somehow everything feels
like too much
and yet,
near enough

My heart still breaks for you
and for me
And I’m not sure
which one of us is more at fault
For this tragic mess
we’ve created

I guess it should be you
I hate that I can’t place that blame
and am just holding on
to hope
Wishing you forward
and believing that one day
you’ll be the man you want to be
the man you should be
The man that
I needed

When I fell for you,
I fell so hard and so far
with no end in sight
You were my favorite fuel
to a vastly sentimental mind

And you could never reel me back in
Because you were

A plunge into 
a deep connection 
That felt more lovely and more freeing
than anything else
Ever before

I am Heaven and Hell
and all the stars in the sky
A whirlwind of a woman
I could be everything you ever
But you never let yourself
see All of me
scared of what it could mean

Was I always supposed to be
just a fantasy?

I want to wish you well
But my heart constantly aches
I spent far too many years
longing for our love to be set free
Held up by the idea of you
I had perfected
in my head

But my imagination
is no longer a safe place for us
Emotions so immeasurably intense
They make reality hit like a
freight train

Obsessed with your own imperfections,
you let the sadness take control
You were too good
too scared
To Live
Why settle for ordinary
What the hell made you think
you didn’t deserve

I hope you realize it wasn’t fair
it will never be fair
To me
You should have known 
you had me on a string
wrapped around
Your finger
all along

Maybe you needed
to love me less
Or maybe you needed
to love me

When you finally made the cut
and let go,
Did the regret overwhelm you?

Maybe I will never be able
to answer that question

Maybe I don’t want to know.

Now we are here
and I am drifting away
in front of you
Left without words and
without reasons 
to fall again

I hope someday you see me
in the sunlight
And realize all you threw away.

anonymous asked:

Do the Sith consider themselves attractive? Why or why not?

[witty remark about attractive sith here]

vader: absolutely not. nobody would be interested in a walking corpse. he can’t see how his suit might inspire attraction, either. to him, it’s but a device to carry his body and intimidate others.

sidious: he’s aware that he’s Exceedingly Hideous, but that doesn’t stop him.

maul: his body was never intended to be an object of desire. it’s a weapon, an instrument of fear for the sith. the possible allure it might have never crosses his mind. maul thinks he’s too scary to be handsome, but he’s certainly not unattractive.  

savage: he used to think he was fairly handsome before his transformation. his features were harsh, but not ugly. now? well… he’s not quite sure. all he sees in the mirror is a monster. soft!savage: nightbrothers don’t come in anything but “lean”, so he doesn’t know what to think of his figure. at first he didn’t care, but when the teasing started he became self-conscious. 

asajj: very much confident in her looks, though she is not vain by any means. asajj is bewitching, and she uses that to her advantage. the outfits she chooses are for her own pleasure of course, but simple-minded fools are also distracted by her show of skin. (”you really should have had your eyes up here, mm? now you’re dead.”)

dooku: unfortunately his age does show, and he tries his best to wear it with grace. dooku is far more handsome than other elderly men. he thinks he is indeed quite dashing despite the imperfections on his face. if anything, it makes him look more human—and therefore believable as a wise leader…

kylo: ren supposes he is a good-looking fellow, but not enough for anyone to fall madly in love with him. he’s average. plus, there are just.. too many things in that mirror that look like his parents. kylo can’t really look in it for too long.

nihilus: long ago, he might’ve thought of himself as good-looking. he certainly got many compliments. now?…there’s nothing. there is only nihilus, a ghost of the force.

grievous: doesn’t think of himself as attractive, very much. his body was made for combat, not… that. it’s not like anyone tells him so, anyway. he is monstrous, and he’s fine with that. most of the time.

inquisitor: not many people knew what he looked like underneath his jedi guardian armor, so it’s very refreshing to let others see his face. he believes he is fairly handsome, and wouldn’t object to using his looks for sith business. 

lana: well, she’s not blind. lana is aware that she is a beautiful woman, but doesn’t pay it much mind. she’s never given much though to her body image, unlike many of her fellow sith lords (who either hate themselves or are blatant narcissists.)


4 selfies because I’m cute.

I’ve spent too much of my life so far, hating myself. I have always searched for myself, in the sense of “who this person that lives the life I live from day to day ” kind of sense. If that makes sense. I’ve spent too many hours trying to censuring myself, my words, my experience, my emotions and the ways of expressing those things. Trying to airbrush away every little detail I deemed imperfect. I have tried so hard to match society’s expectations when it comes to gender expression, but in the end I came back to the same definition of my gender, that is; something outside the binary. Im done. I’m done trying to please others. I’m done trying to force myself into a mold that isn’t breathable, into something that makes society “happy”. My main goal in life used to be “ being happy”. Now my goal is to be me. Unapologetically me. Fully and wholesome. Spreading my wings outside the mold, outside the gender binary, outside people’s preassumptions of me. Outside what is considered “normal”, because fuck trying to be normal. I was never normal, and I will never be. My life is not perfect, I’m not perfect and I will never be. But I am worthy. I am good enough. I have many good qualities and things to share with the world around me and the people in it. I believe in myself and my abilities. I believe in the process of becoming the best version of yourself. I believe in queerness. I believe in kindness. I believe in unconditional love. I believe in transness. I believe in magic and I believe that no one is free until everyone is.

It’s All About Me

Though of course none of us can clearly remember our infancy, there was a period of innocent selfishness in each of our lives when the world was indeed all about me.  I’m hungry, tired, afraid, this rash is annoying, something hurts, I need to be changed, etc.  I need was the only reality, and one of those gigantic, fuzzy, out of focus “comforters” had better come over quickly or they’re going to receive a serious dose of displeased lung action.  Inevitably they came and fixed whatever was wrong.  Life was indeed good, selfish and clueless, yet good nevertheless.  However, as we grew a little older we became aware of the concept of us and them.  Buddhists often refer to this as discursive mind, a sword which slices reality into separate pieces to accommodate the intellect.  It also became painfully obvious that this heretofore idyllic adventure was no longer going to be all about us.  While again I posses no vivid recollection of the time, one can only imagine what a joy kill that must have been.  We would actually have to share with siblings, classmates, even our parents, and we quickly learned that perhaps ultimate horror of horrors, that sometimes at least we would even lose.  Wow, life sure got hard in a hurry.   Our lives were totally dominated by those oversized creatures known as adults, and part of their job it seemed was to teach us not to be selfish.  I can’t say for sure, but usually being less than perfect themselves their teaching methods may have been possibly imperfect as well. It may also have been how we interpreted their messages, yet whatever the reason I fear that far too many may have learned these lessons too well or taken them too literally, and regrettably in some cases at least, we went past it’s not all about me, and straight into it’s not about me at all.  Even our western religions though probably with the finest of intentions perpetuated this potentially unhealthy view of the world and self.  We were always taught to put others needs ahead of our own, and as a christian our teacher/role model certainly exemplified such virtuous behavior.  While this concept is undoubtedly noble and sage advice for anyone who happens to be at least reasonably spiritually and emotionally healthy, it no doubt must seem sheer madness to a typically selfish and needful 5 year old.  Though I can’t explain or even claim to understand the whys, far too many of us seem to see ourselves as somehow less than or less important than others.  Those of us who live within this false reality tend to suffer greatly and often hurt others as a consequence of perhaps life’s greatest irony, when we fail to love ourselves life does indeed become all about us, not necessarily because we wish it to be, but rather because it has to be.  Lack of self love is certainly a sorrowful way to live and may be the great pandemic of our age, but perhaps the greater tragedy of not loving one’s self is that each time the entire world has once again been cheated out of knowing the perfection and beauty that is uniquely us.  Please love yourself. You deserve it and the world will indeed be a better place for it.


(AO3 Prompt Collection. For AO3 user WolfSoulProductions, who suggested Leo comforting Takumi after a nightmare.)

A strong wind carrying the smell of smoke… the sharp pain of a blade… the sensation of falling… betrayal… betrayal… BETRAYAL!

Takumi woke in a cold sweat, eyes snapping open, a long breath shuddering from his lips as he bit back a scream. He dragged himself upright, gasping in the cool night air, pressing a hand to his chest as he tried to steady his breathing and the wild pounding of his heart. The calm he sought was a long time in coming, but eventually his panic faded.

The Hoshidan prince gritted his teeth, eyes scrunched tightly shut. Damn… it’s always the same thing, again and again. Would it be too much to ask for these dreams to just leave me be?

He settled back onto his pillow, arm resting across his forehead, and stared up at the ceiling. He’d grown all too familiar with the sight over the course of far too many sleepless nights: every crack and imperfection in the plaster, the grain of the worn beams, the slight dip in the corner. Ugh… this is no good. I won’t be able to get back to sleep like this.

He sat up, swinging his legs to the side of the bed, and headed to the door. Maybe a walk will do me some good.

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Man of words - Dean Winchester x Reader - Part 1

Title: Man of Words

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 2,406

Warnings: None

Summary: Dean thinks about getting a baby with the Reader. She’s sleeping and he touches her stomach and tries to imagine how it would be to become a dad.

A/n: I was thinking for fluffy smut after this, but I would pretty please need to know if you want that!

Also, enjoy this fluff as long as you can get it cause you will soon forget what happiness means in this blog! I. AM. NOT. EVEN. KIDDING. PERIOD.

Dean Winchester was never a man of words. Never one to express his feelings in words at least. It sometimes surprised him how he had managed to be here, now, with you as his girlfriend. It mostly surprised him how you still were there for him.

He rarely said those three little words, maybe had said them only once – he didn’t remember after so long of being with you. But he always made sure to show you how he felt, he always made sure to show with his touches and kisses that he did love you when words weren’t enough to cover up for it. And you always were completely content with it. You never complained about he didn’t open up to you, always smiling when instead of saying those few words as he was ready to he just kissed you softly. Dean could hardly believe how he’d gotten his lucky.

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origami-assassin  asked:

Can Jhin cook? What does he like to cook if he can?

Jhin is an exceptional cook, one who has studied the culinary arts as well over the many years he has lived. He mostly cooks fish when at home, however, because the Virtuoso is mostly on missions, he prepares an array of dumplings that is supposedly to last him the duration of his travels. 

They act as a great meal or snack with his favorite teas. 

It is rare that the Virtuoso does have guests, but when he does, he prepares an elegant assortment of meals depending on their tastes and request. Many times before has the Virtuoso made his patrons starve due to the imperfections he has found within his own meals, as well as, through the comments and crituque that he yearns for and takes too far i.e. if they say it’s a bit salty, you can expect he will redo the entire dish and demand the meal back. He would not let you succumb to anything less than desired.

The poor man honestly wishes he had more time to cook.

In the midst of his culinary performance, he is one to multi-task and keep his entire kitchen clean, wiping the stains and messes he creates, washing the dishes and cutlery while the food undergoes its transformations.

anonymous asked:

hi! i was searching anidala on tumblr and i found out your meta abt them, so i hope you don't mind me if i ask you something. i just recently watched the prequels for the first time and uh anakin has v creepy stalkerish and possessive behavior regarding padmè, and while i can see why he falls in love with her i rlly can't see the opposite. so what i'm asking you is: was it really love? why do you ship anidala? pls don't read this as an attack on the ship or you, i'm just genuinely curios :) thx!

Hi! Omg good questions. Sorry it’s taken me a bit to get back to you; I’ve been busy the past few days. First of all, no of course I don’t mind you asking I love asks lol. Second, don’t apologize!! Discussing Star Wars is my jams. 

So. Was it really love? Hm… My background is a little muddled romantically, and I’m still learning to work past that, so my viewpoint on this might be a little… distorted. From my opinion, I’d say yes, just a very desperate, idolizing kind, blinded by passion and projection.

What I think Anakin did with Padme was he clung to her as this literally angelic figure that represented the future off Tatooine for him. I think he remained so obsessed with her for his ten years of training, even though he didn’t see her a single time in between, because he used her memory as a source of comfort.

When he first left Tatooine, she was kind to him. She brought him a blanket when he was cold. She looked out for him and was more concerned about his status as a slave (versus potential Jedi) than Qui-Gon. He did something to help her, and helping her was demonstrating to the most important person in the world- his mom- that he had learned something and would follow in her footsteps. Continuing to help and serve her would be what his mother would want. Anakin has this obsession with being a “good X” whether it’s Jedi, husband, or son, and I think this desire to please stemmed from the desire to make his mother proud in exchange for leaving her behind in slavery on Tatooine. 

Padme for young Anakin represented open doors, possibilities, freedom, peace, and happiness. Keeping this image in his head throughout his training I’m sure was a great comfort to him as he dealt with separation from his mother, and basically having to deal with a new master. 

Anakin never identified as a slave. When Padme asks if he is a slave, he says, “I’m a person, and my name is Anakin.” Likewise, I don’t think he would  accept the idea of being a slave to anything else: to the Jedi order, to his emotions, or to his own idealism. (I think he finally realizes he is basically a slave to Palpatine in ROTS, and I think that’s what breaks him, really. Padme’s death was a sign of his loss of freedom, and worse, I think he realized it was all an illusion in his head after she died. But enough Anakin analysis.)

Back to Anakin’s idealism. Anakin is so taken with this idea of a perfect secret marriage- the ultimate service to Padme- even under the eyes of the Jedi order, who he must also provide the ultimate service to. And he cannot do both, and both end up slipping away from him. It’s tragic and it’s heartbreaking. Anakin in his entire life believes the only thing he is good for, indeed his entire life’s purpose, is serving. (Of course he angsts a lot about this. He believes the perfect servant is what he “should be” and gets angry when he feels he isn’t.)

So yes, I believe Anakin loved Padme, but I believe a lot of that love was directed to what she stood for and symbolized in his mind as much as anything else. 

And Padme. Anakin was a little boy she met on Tatooine as a young and headstrong but naive queen. Anakin showed her the reality of the galaxy. He was a pure force of good who gave freely while expecting nothing in return. I think this was extremely inspiring to her and even though she as a queen was already very worldly and unselfish, I think this deeply shaped her future political career. Everything she does now is for the greater good, and I think this is something she learned from Anakin and his mother. 

She initially seems to not want to enter a romantic relationship with him, but I mean, I can relate to that. I said things like she did but for me it was a sort of self-denial. I’m not sure if Padme truly meant that she didn’t want a romantic relationship with Anakin, because in the middle of AOTC she says something about dying a little inside every day since he came back into her life. (that was such a corny line honestly that freakin movie had so many corny lines) That said, Anakin should always listen to when her mouth says no, even if her body says differently. Sheesh Ani.

Anyway, I think Padme is blinded by this vision of Anakin being a pure force of good and she clings to it for far longer than she should. This ten years of separation to solidify this impression didn’t help. When Anakin does shocking things like kill an entire village of Tusken Raiders, or beat up her ex, Padme seems shocked, you know? Every time she’s so confused as to why he would do that because she doesn’t think it’s in his character. 

Padme is attracted to GOOD. She likes the light side things, she likes effective, selfless politicians, she likes people who can solve problems and make things right. And when she was very young she saw Anakin do this and this impression stuck with her for life, I think. To the very end she still believed Anakin to be the ultimate chosen force of goodness (even if she didn’t know about or understand this “chosen one” prophecy) and was devastated to see that something she’d built her entire worldview upon… was imperfect. 

(oh my god this is so long sorry) Long story short, yes, I believe that Padme also loved Anakin, but a portion of her love also owed to what she believed he stood for symbolically. They projected their expectations onto each other, and the relationship ultimately failed.

Still, they both desperately loved each other because they wanted those ideals the other stood for to prevail in the galaxy, and they believed an intimate relationship and perfect marriage would seal this presence and assure them that everything would be okay. Padme overlooked far too many of Anakin’s faults, and enabled his misdeeds way too much, and Anakin ended up in yet another master-slave relationship- he treated Padme like an object yet became a slave to his emotions regarding her. 

Their relationship could have been quite different if they were allowed to freely associate and communicate with each other, to see each other as people more than as ideas and objects. There was a gigantic communication gap in between them, and if they weren’t so censored by Padme’s public image in her career and Anakin’s status as an  allegedly celibate Jedi, they could have had the opportunity to fix this.

So, why do I ship anidala? It is super screwed up, of course. Definitely not without its faults. But as a symbolic thing to me, it’s like a ray of hope. These two people loved each other no matter what. They were so passionate and they so deeply believed in everything that their relationship stood for. It was an impossible union but still two beautiful things came out of it (no, not the Empire and destruction of the Jedi order… well maybe that last one was a bit overdue anyway): Luke and Leia who brought balance to the force. 

Also, I guess I’m a bit of a sadistic audience member and I enjoy tragic relationships and characters lol. Honestly that’s the main reason. But the symbolism thing too. 

Wow, that was way longer than I planned, but I hope I answered your question lol. Thanks a lot for sending me the ask! 

So with each Gem Fusion, there has to be a certain level of love/affection or even friendship at the very least to make it work or make as many imperfections on the physical body as possible

lets take stevonnie. stevonnie is the most perfect fusion thus far tbh. two arms and two eyes. more perfect than garnet, and shes made out of love. so steven and connie must REALLY care for each other. now speaking of garnet…

garnet is a pretty good fusion. two arms but has 3 eyes. not bad. one of the best before stevonnie debuted. her love made fusion is still top tier. and shes strong too. 

Now for our new fusion, Rainbow Quartz. She is pearl and rose quartz fused, now we all know how pearl feels about rose and how rose feels about every living being, so their connection and bond should be pretty tight. she has two arms but four eyes! the first gem to be shown having four eyes! they care for each other, but not as much as garnet or stevonnie. rose is in love with greg, not pearl.

opal is next. she is right after rainbow quartz in perfection and cooperation in fusion. she has only two eyes but four arms. pearl and amethyst like each other, but they dont love each other. they tend to argue alot, so for opal being their fusion, is really extraordinary. 

next up is sugilite. a fusion with a fusion! thats alot right? which makes sense for her personality. shes very destructive. ruby is fury, and sapphire is patience. amethyst is a bit of chaos as well. 2 to 1 ratio makes this large woman. she has four arms and get this: FIVE EYES. now garnet and amethyst are indeed close, but again, they overpower sapphire and her calm trait, so her physical form is a bit wild.  the more gems to fuse, the more arms and eyes theyll have. and the bigger theyll be too by the looks of it thus far. which brings me to my next fusion

alexandrite! she has 6 arms and two mouths! thats a first. amethyst pearl ruby and sapphire? thats alot to reel in. while ruby and sapphire are already focusing on their fusion within this fusion, amethyst and pearl are trying to focus being fused along with another fusion. that was kind of confusing right? yeah it would make sense why their bonds are so out of place in alexandrite. they can focus enough to make her, but one distraction causes her to separate. they all love each other yes, but two gems are in love, and the other two are friends. so its all over the place

thats more than what i can say for malachite. lapis fused with jasper in order to trap her we all know this. but the thing that proves they were not meant to fuse is what garnet says when malachite is dragged under the sea: they are really bad for each other. meaning they dont even like each other! let alone love. four eyes and shes not even bipedal. shes a hexaped. like a creepy insect.. they fused for one purpose. to hurt the crystal gems. or so jasper thought anyway. this was done by two gems. and it looks awful. even a fusion done by 4 gems looked better than this, and thats because they all like each other. lapis HATES jasper. but malachite isnt as bad as the last one


FORCED FUSION. AN ATROCIOUS MONSTROSITY.  the act of forcing broken gems to fuse to create a fullmetal alchemist nostalgic nightmare. these gems had no choice. they were broken, and smashed together without consent. these gems, were in a way, raped. they were raped by evil experiments done by their ex homeworld. garnet was mortified by this, because she knows how grotesque this is.. this is by far the worst way to fuse. no love. no bond. no connection. just darkness. 

however, one last question remains: who is this? 

I ran into some blogs the other day ran by people that used to be a Christians but now hate Christianity but they still think they are saved even though they hate the Bible and Its message but still “believe” in Christ. One might think just because they once fiercely believed and obey Christ and the Bible they will be going to Heaven, but is that really the case? Can the people that once believed in Christ but have walked away from the faith still be saved?

Jesus made it abundantly clear in the Luke 8:4-15 parable that some people will believe in the Gospel, for some time, but after that time’s up they’ll just walk away from it:

One day Jesus told a story in the form of a parable to a large crowd that had gathered from many towns to hear him: “A farmer went out to plant his seed. As he scattered it across his field, some seed fell on a footpath, where it was stepped on, and the birds ate it. Other seed fell among rocks. It began to grow, but the plant soon wilted and died for lack of moisture. Other seed fell among thorns that grew up with it and choked out the tender plants. Still other seed fell on fertile soil. This seed grew and produced a crop that was a hundred times as much as had been planted!” When he had said this, he called out, “Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”

His disciples asked him what this parable meant. He replied, “You are permitted to understand the secrets of the Kingdom of God. But I use parables to teach the others so that the Scriptures might be fulfilled:

‘When they look, they won’t really see.
    When they hear, they won’t understand.’

“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is God’s word. The seeds that fell on the footpath represent those who hear the message, only to have the devil come and take it away from their hearts and prevent them from believing and being saved. The seeds on the rocky soil represent those who hear the message and receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they believe for a while, then they fall away when they face temptation. The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity. And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest.

Not everyone that CLAIM to be a believer now will be going to Heaven when they die because a lot can happen from the moment they first believed to when they die. Jesus was abundantly clear that some people would believe in the Gospel but then walk away from the Christian faith so no one should be surprised when a Christian stops believing in His Word, nor should it be to anyone’s surprise that some people will choose not to follow His Word because of the pleasures of this life which are wealth, unbelieving friends that lead you astray, lust and so on.

Once save does not mean always saved. To believe you will be forever saved means you think Jesus Himself was wrong when He spoke of salvation. It does not matter how we feel towards one subject or another, all it matter is what He tells us.

There’s 2 passages so strong that come to mind when people claim that “once saved, always saved” nonsense:

2 Corinthians 13:5
Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.

1 John 2:19
These people left our churches, but they never really belonged with us; otherwise they would have stayed with us. When they left, it proved that they did not belong with us.

People WILL fail the test of faith, Jesus knows that. Some people will be Christians for many decades even and then end up straying away from the path at some point. Not everyone will remain faithful all their lives, that’s the sad truth of the matter.

Stay faithful to His Word, never allow anything or anyone lead you away from Him. We all stumble, we all have our moments of weakness in life, but the most important thing is to never to let go of Him. Never allow the devil to convince you that you don’t need the Lord. Never allow the devil convince you that you are too far gone to come back to the Lord. The Lord loves us, every single one of us, the chosen and the lost alike, all we need to do is accept His love and live life according to His Word and will.

I’ve met so many people lately that tell me they feel so distant and that they’ve done so many things they feel ashamed of so they don’t feel like they can come back to Him. I try my best to reassure those people that there is no such thing. We can come back to Him if we truly repent of our sins but sadly the devil is good at convincing people that there is such a thing as “too far gone” and people end up drifting away because of their shame. People are ashamed of being imperfect even though the Bible tells us time and time again that we are imperfect.

How about genuine Christian people that sin? You can fall and you can stumble as a Christian, after all no one is perfect, but it’s all about not giving up on Him and not giving up on your own self. Repent of your sins, pray for guidance and strength and wisdom. We will be forever sinners while on this earth, but that’s no excuse to keep on sinning and disobeying His Word but at the same time being a sinner is no reason to not wanting to seek Him either after all He died for our sins so we can live according to the Father’s will and to live according to His Word. Even though TRUE Christians will stumble and fall every so often, the Lord knows a person’s heart. He knows and sees the actions and hears the prayers of a repentant Christian.

A true Christian will always be saved because they know, follow and respect His Word, even though we might stumble every now and then. Remember John’s word “When they left, it proved that they did not belong with us.” Not everyone that claims to be a Christian is truly a Christian and that’s why they’ll turn their back on the Lord and walk away from the faith at some point in their lives. The people that walked away from Christ simply weren’t saved to begin with, otherwise they would never have walked away from the Lord.

James 1:22
But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.

Thedosian Idol, Pt. 3

Can’t stop, won’t stop, not sure how to stop. So here’s almost 5,000 words of FenHawke AU fluff! 

Part One | Part Two | Part Three


Fenris’ list of positive things in Kirkwall is a short one, but given that he had no such list for Tevinter, even a short list feels luxurious.

Kirkwall has cheap rent, if somewhat negligent landlords; it has free wireless; it has a farmer’s market every Tuesday and Saturday; it has the Hanged Man’s drink specials and half-price fries; it has the wind off the sea to wash away the stink of its streets.

It has the first friends he has made in years. It has places to hear music, places to play music.

It has Hawke.

The list of negative things — the distance from his mother and sister, crushing debt, a soul-eating job as a security guard at the high school, obnoxious neighbors, the ever-present reek of fish — is far longer, but much lighter. It took him three years to realize it, but he’s happy. Stressed, tired, sometimes hungry, but never thwarted. When he opens the door to his apartment, and looks at the second-hand couch and the battered table, he always wants to smile. He wants to dance, a feeling not lessened by the picture on his fridge: Hawke, sunburned, her feet buried in the sand, smiling at the camera. At him. There had been a bonfire later that night, and singing until his throat burned and the sun stained the far horizon. Driving home, Aveline tuned the radio to an oldies station while Hawke fell asleep with her head in his lap, and he thought of his guitar in the trunk as each song melted away into crisp morning light.

A life he never expected, and never dreamed of — and it was all his. How many songs had he gotten out of that day and night? Too many to count, but all he has to do is look at that picture and more come, flooding out of him.

An imperfect life, but his now, for three years, and he’s more than happy. He’s content.

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In this social media era where many of us self-edit our lives to present the most beautiful picture to the world - whether it’s via staged and filtered instagram photos or witty status updates, it’s easy to become intoxicated with a version of ourselves that isn’t real or true. Some of us are more intimately familiar with who we present to the world, than who we actually are. And why wouldn’t we be? We’re in a world where outrageously high standards of beauty and accomplishment are glorified. All else is deemed inferior. But the thing is, the person that many of us hide - the flawed, unsure and complicated self. The self that is bent (or even broken) is beautiful too. The self we hide has something meaningful to contribute to the world. And this self, riddled with all its imperfections is far more interesting and divine, than the version we often present. Love who you are and where you’re at, however muddled that person and place is. Christiana Mbakwe

eirthbndr  asked:

I do not like Obama because I feel he is incompetent. He does not seem to care about domestic issues. He could help in the situation in Missouri, but he has said next to nothing. As a leader of the United States and in the African-American community, he is obligated to put forth something. I just feel as though he doesn't care about his own citizens, and worries more about our image to the outside world. But of course, I'm the ignorant, self-centered American for wanting better domestic policy.

Please don’t say that you’re being “self-centred”, you elect your leaders to serve you and I do feel your criticism about his response to Ferguson is legitimate. I did not ever mean to suggest that Americans who criticised Obama were being selfish or ignorant of the bigger picture. I do agree Obama should say more because even though the US is a federal state, American history is littered with examples where the federal government had to step in to protect African-Americans from racist state governments. What I write below is because I hope it gives Americans a perspective of what it is like to not be an American, to live with your attention fixed on this powerful country whose every move can affect you- whose leaders can more profoundly affect our lives  than our own elected ones. We are all limited by our own settings- just as I won’t actually fully comprehend the serious problem of institutionalised racism in the US unlike Americans like you who actually live there even if I read about it. 

When I said I was glad Obama won instead of Romney, it’s because for us outside of the US who have no vote, the fact is that your country is the most powerful nation in the world who can just as easily destroy or help us. Perhaps, it is unfair to an extent that your leaders have to spend half their time embroiled in foreign conflicts instead of focusing wholly on US citizens- as you are right to demand-, but it is the way of the world where America is a superpower.

It is not just about “image“ to the outside world, but life and death for many non-Americans- like the Iraqi Yazidis and Christians who were surrounded and besieged by ISIS on a mountain- and facing genocide- who were begging for American airstrikes. There have been times when the US failed to intervene- like in Rwanda. The cruel part was people didn’t even need US soldiers on the ground, but just equipment and money- the US government pressured the UNSC to instead cut the already overstretched UN peacekeepers already there. At least 800,000 people were murdered. 

Or the Iranians worrying about whether the US would escalate from sanctions to war- just as Iraqis first feared it when Bush announced he was invading. Obama has actually handled Iran pretty well by de-escalating the situation and shutting down those who wanted war. To Iran’s neighbours, who know a destabilised Iran would have severe consequences for them. That is good for Americans too- soldiers will not be sent into a conflict that could have been defused diplomatically. Next to Romney, it was plain to us Obama was the president who had greater knowledge and understanding of the nuances of global conflicts. Romney came off to many of us as the epitome of white American privilege- and someone utterly blind to it - embracing the old forms of arrogant US exceptionalism that has harmed many of us, where everything is about brute force and appearing “tough”. 

And…well speaking as a non-American, many many things Obama has done hasn’t exactly made us happy either. Here’s a few: Many Pakistanis are angry at the increase in drone strikes. Palestinians are completely against the way the US has propped up Israel. Many Asian countries wish he would really beef up US military presence to deter China for example. Syrians felt they were left to die when there should have been military intervention against Assad- which would not have allowed ISIS to grow into the threat it is today (ISIS seems to have originated in the Syrian civil war). He certainly has not pandered excessively to non-Americans at all, but to many of us (though not all), as imperfect as he is, he is a vast improvement over Bush because he clearly better understands the world and doesn’t use the very jingoistic kind of American exceptionalism I see in a lot of Republican politicians who go around saying things like “I won’t ever apologise for America!” when the US government committed hideous injustices on people who deserve not just apologies but compensation. 

No American president is perfect, and even those who are generally beloved today like Franklin D. Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln made plenty of mistakes and had their own detractors. FDR interned Japanese-Americans unfairly, even when there was no evidence of widespread disloyalty. He also failed to bomb the concentration camps. Lincoln was called a dictator even by some pro-Union politicians because he greatly expanded his wartime powers to deal with the seccessionists and their suspected sympathisers in the Union and slammed by abolitionists themselves who felt he was too hesitant and too slow in making the step to officially abolish slavery. 

This is why many non-Americans pay so much attention to who your president is- because we have a huge stake in it. You are right to criticise or be dissatisfied with Obama where he has had his shortcomings, because all US presidents too have to multi-task. You elect your government to serve you- you are only asking for what is owed. But this is how things are like through our eyes, and as imperfect as Obama is, he has so far shown a better understanding of using the US military wisely and not to show off, than Bush- all the while facing the extremely unreasonable obstructionism in Congress I have seen as somebody who’s studied US history. By all means, hold his feet to the fire. But I do hope you understand why non-Americans pay such attention to and feel we have a right to comment on US politics- because it affects us.