I really just want an apartment and a pet to share with my boyfriend. To share a bed with him and fall asleep to the sound of his heart beat. To wake up and know that neither of us “has to go home” because we’re already there. To come home from work and see his cute smile and let my stress evaporate off of my skin. To lounge on my couch on a Sunday and watch Netflix with my dog. To watch my cat scurry around the corner. And to one day see the love of my life holding my child and making funny faces at them. The idea of a normal life has grown increasingly comforting lately and I couldn’t be happier.
I feel strong today. I feel strong enough to overcome the things that have happened to me and I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my shot at happiness anymore. I’m not going to be afraid because I am strong. I can see that this amazing guy is trying so hard and I keep shutting him out, out of the fear you put into me. But not anymore. Im letting go of fear and giving into happiness because I deserve to be happy. And I’m worthy of love even though you made me feel like I wasn’t. And I am enough. And I am strong. And I feel good. I feel like me again. After all of this time, I feel like me and it’s so great because I missed myself.
I don’t think I could’ve had a better day. I got to visit the great city of Chicago with some awesome people and see some amazing pieces of art even though I didn’t and never will understand contemporary art. I got to see some amazing pieces like a Sunday on la grande jatte and some fantastic 1st century marble statues that I’ve only ever read about or have seen in pictures.
It’s definite time to make my move soon and see what the world has to offer because I’m not meant for this rural life and as happy as I am right now, I know my place is in the city.