I had a dream last night that 90% of dinosaur media turned out to to all be  adaptions of 1 single gigantic children’s book about dinosaurs,  just interpreted differently (The Good Dinosaur, We’re Back!, and Theodore Rex were listed as “examples” of adaptions). The reason that all dinosaur movies rely on the same handful of dinosaurs/stock story lines was because they all arose from that 1 story.

In the dream I went on and made my own “interpretation” of the story, in which dinosaurs are a “ dying race” living amongst mankind, and a  of Dinosaurs that were raised by humans living in New York(?) get together to rediscover their roots

The group included:

-A humble, peace making T. rex ashamed of his thirst for flesh

-An angry velociraptor that compulsively pulls out their feathers like a pet parrot.
- A fully clothed, fat stegosaurus with high waisted pants and glasses

- A butch lesbian Triceratops who carried cigars on her horns (somehow)

- A vague hadrosaur named “Debbie” 

- Little baby T. rex who always “wears” it’s eggshell

Rey Federico Guillermo I de Prusia y Margrave Elector de Brandeburgo
Rex Fridericus Gulielmus I Borussiae et Marchio Elector Brandenburgi
König Friedrich Wilhelm I. von Preußen und Kurfürst von Brandenburg
King Frederick William I of Prussia and Margrave Elector of Brandenburg
Roi Frédéric-Guillaume I de Prusse et Margrave Électeur de Brandebourg

Samuel Theodor Gericke (1665-1730), 1713.

4. Theodore Rex

Whoopi Goldberg stars as a hard nosed future cop who gets partnered with an animatronic dinosaur in a turtle neck to solve a murder and save the world or something. This movie was so painfully dumb, so wantonly predictable, so spectacularly basic, it was a whole lot of fucking fun. Whoopi coasts through the film like a particularly vacant heroin addict and Teddy is so underdeveloped, if his name wasn’t the title of the movie I might be inclined to believe his inclusion was just an afterthought. While the animatronics are fun to look at, all of the dinos look like refuges from that sitcom about dinosaurs (it was called Dinosaurs). Maybe that was the point though? 

I fucking loved it.