thenightskydreamer

BORACAY: The Happy Trip, Day 1

Boracay, seems like everyone’s having it written down on their bucket list and I must admit that I once thought of visiting the place, never thought that I would be calling it in with my most special one. This trip has a lot of firsts, my first ever experience riding the airplane and my first travel with Joma. Too much feels, too much nervousness and too much excitement for everything! We didn’t tried out any water activities and we kind of love the idea of just spending the whole vacation enjoying each other’s company and the beautiful beach and just EATING! 

Have to ride Cebu Pacific’s small plane going to Caticlan Airport for like 45 minutes so I was just sitting there praying. HAHA! Then we rode a tricycle to the port then a boat going to the island. We were actually with Joma’s sister and cousin but the whole trip turned out to be like a separate trip for us, from having a different airline and flight schedule to our itinerary. Haha! 

We stayed at La Carmela de Boracay and the room was quite nice and it’s clean but the aircon’s kind of lame. It won’t give you the cool you’re expecting plus in our area there’s no signal which I guess is a good thing na rin. 

So hungry we ended up trying out Jammer’s shrimp burger and mango shake. Joma had to buy me a new flip-flop, thanks to havaianas because I am so engot not to bring any. We’ve decided to roam around station 1 and just to follow the long line of restaurants and souvenir stands.  

After dinner we ended up in bed so early because of the pagod and hilo. Have to recharge for the next day’s activities! 

–xoxo–

Pam <3

9

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. And because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creatures endures. A fear of time running out.

- The Time Keeper

Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.


 ― The Fault in Our Stars

It is only when you have mastered the art of loving yourself that you can truly love others. it’s only when you have opened your own heart that you can touch the hearts of others. when you feel centered and alive, you are in much better position to be a better person.

 ― The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny

Calling all ex’s, neither you’re the one who gave up or the one who’s still wanting to fight. Remember that our destiny is not tied up with the people who left or the things that are lost. You lose that someone just because you need to open the door for the right one who would actually save you from all your pain and yearning and to actually complete the equation that the universe had put up for you. I don’t know about your pain nor the reason why you’re on that state but believe me if you’re the one who’s still fighting, if it’s all just about holding on and believing that that person is the one destined for you but the other person believes the opposite, then it’s a battle lost even before it began. Why fight and imprisoned yourself to memories, false promises and tormented past that had longed been replaced by time.

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Life Currently…

It only takes one real friend for you to understand what’s going on inside you. I’ve been wandering into an old vicious cycle again of zoning out but it gets me into a bad habit that has been affecting the people around me. And it would only take that one real talk conversation with an old/real friend for me to be reminded of all the good things.

Life in bullets:

An open door left hanging now closed. And even if I want to mention you here, let’s just keep it to ourselves. I am happy that we’re both finally moved on and that it feels much serene knowing we’ve got each other’s friendship back. It made me realized that I still have the capacity to kiss all the pain of yesteryear away and to welcome a new beginning. I am hoping and praying that things will work out well both in our lives and that we would keep this friendship forever. Thank you for coming back.

Best friend and Friends of 9 years.  I can’t thank you enough and because even if I’ve done my fair share of hiding out and moving away still, you’re there to listen. It’s true that true friends don’t have to ask you how you are because they would know without asking that you’re going through hell and that they’re willing to lift you up again to reality.

Boyfriend / Best friend / Crying Shoulder / Partner. I’m so blessed to have someone like him and for his everlasting patience towards my kabaliwan, topak and crying-down moments. For always lighting up my dark place and for always putting that kilig smile on my face. You’ve seen my vulnerabilities but still you’ve embraced me with your love. You don’t know how much I am thankful and blessed that you’ve accepted me, my family and my past and for still wanting me in your future. Truly you are a heaven sent.

For the love of God that never falters, overwhelming and unending. I may have been proud of believing that I can make it on my own still, you’ve never abandoned me. For all the shortcomings and for underestimating your faith in me, I’m deeply sorry. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and for still being my true friend.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,“ says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

So again, I am hopeful for another morning and thankful for surpassing another mountain. And you, who are probably having the same uncertainty in life, hold on and know that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.  

Love,

Pam <3

HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE.

It’s been the 7th day of the new year and where I am now is a place where things have to disappear not in an instant but slowly and with no turning back. It’s like walking closer to a new door afraid of what’s behind it, frightened that I might get lost inside. It’s like hiding behind a big curtain all your life then in just a moment bliss everything was snatched away.

I never thought that I would be listening to goodbyes and moving on songs that I’ve been listening before with a blank happy mind-now with a deeper thought of feeling too much suffocation and pain. Just kidding. No pain anymore. It’s just that when I try to look back at those moments, those impulsive trips I’ve been doing I feel like I deserve an award for being the most stupid-loving and understanding and sympathetic person in your world.  Cut back to reality I am now left with a still understanding, forgiving and stronger self but with a wall bigger and stronger than the Great Wall of China.

You thought it’s okay to just be that special to someone and then left them with the most cliché reason of I want to move on and find myself bullshit? Not mad though. I know it happens, it’s normal and fine but I guess if it’s, you know just for the behind reason of you just want to get rid of me-you could’ve just been brave and honest enough to tell the truth than make me believe on the impossible.

BUT MOVING ON. What else can I do? It’s over and I hope for good and I hope it will be the last goodbye that I will be hearing from you because finally I’ve had enough. Sure. I’m walking away from all the worrying, the saving face, the false hope and suffocation. What have I been doing all this time? See? I’m not really that nice, I’m not really the one with the longest patience and understanding and I don’t wanna be there for you anymore. I was hurt enough to forget you and was finally up from a bad dream. I thought for a moment that it was love but yes can’t deny though. It was almost.

I’m mad okay. Maybe I’m not really capable of loving someone again. I got tired and ran out of efforts to give. But one thing’s for sure, after my recovery I promised that I will bring back that spark in me and that the next time that I’ll open my door it would be the best love story that I can write about, something that I will be truly happy about and the one that would make me believe on happy ending.

And as for you, I wish you happiness still but I’m sure about you not finding the kind of love I have given you, it’s one of a kind and you know that. It’s like waiting for the next lunar eclipse and hoping you’ll be there at the right moment and at the right time.

JOKE. I still love you but I’M GIVING UP. Finally.

- xoxo -

It’s me. 

If I have the time..

If I have the time I would wake up smiling, take another 5 minutes of an after alarm nap. Look outside my window and smile at the morning sun. If I have the time, I would wear my favorite cardigan, boots and scarf that my grandma had given me. Fill my messenger bag with my favorite stuff and my pen and paper. I would walk through the pavement listening to my music, smiling to random strangers. Look up into the sky and awe at the horizon.

I would go to art galleries take time to appreciate art and take photographs of each canvas that’s giving me hope. I would scrutinize each as if it’s my first. I would leave the place filled with inspiration, smiling as if my tank had been restored. I would sit on benches by a big tree gaze at the stagnant lagoon. I would write on papers the poem of my heart. I would savour the cold air and smell the scent from the mid west.

I would pass by an old book store and look for my favorite Japanese novel. I would smell my favorite scent, the smell of each pages. I would take my time watching over the pile of those fictions and classics. I would spend the whole afternoon at my favorite seat by the window of my favorite cafe. Have a taste of my chocolate waffle topped with a cloud like whipped cream together with my soul soothing latte. I don’t mind staring at the abandoned seat. I won’t mind sharing it as long as we won’t speak and we would respect each other’s sense of solidarity.

I would read my book, watch the people passing by till the sky envelope the horizon with its tears. I would calmly lay back as I listen to the sound of the raindrops marching by the window. Think of happy memories and blow away the pain of yesterday. I would walk my way throughout the midnight train, my last train home. Abandoned by urgency, by the night sky and the city lights. I would laid to rest by the comfort of the cold night by the warmth of my blanket. I would peacefully dream of a beautiful dream.

The truth is we think we have time, but time itself is slowly faltering. We think we have tomorrow but tomorrow is just another miracle hoping to happen. What if today would be the last? Would you still wait? Would you still take your luck for another chance? What if today would be the last? The problem is, we think we have time but time itself is running out.

The problem is we think we have time.


- xoxo - 
Thenightskydreamer