Why doesnt SOMEONE do something aobut ALL THESE FUCKING BOTS ON social MEDIA ???????????????
  • Co-Worker: *internally* The new guy is so cool. Well, I guess he's not the new guy anymore because he has been working here for months now, but he's still great. I look up to him so much. He's funny, and outgoing. He even gave me a cute nickname. He never recognizes my affection for him, but I think today is the day. Today is the day he'll realize how cool and cute I am.
  • Co-Worker: H-Hi!
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Do you like music?
  • New Guy: Yeah, I mean everyone likes music. Kinda weird if you don't. You're friends with that rep, right?
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: You know, the mopey one. Dark hair. Does she like me?
  • Co-Worker: Everyone likes you. I like you.
  • New Guy: Yeah, but that rep. That rep doesn't talk to me.
  • Co-Worker: I'm sure she likes you. You're so cool and kind and... uh, Britney Spears followed me on twitter!
  • New Guy: Whoa, what!? Britney Spears!? You're fucking joking!
  • Co-Worker: I'm serious. I guess, I'm really cool now. Hahahahahahahaha.
  • New Guy: Lemme see.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: Lemme see your phone. I wanna see Britney following you. Can you like DM her?
  • Co-Worker: You're not allowed to take your phone out at work.
  • New Guy: Come on, no one cares.
  • Co-Worker: Uh, here you go, I guess. *hands new guy her phone*
  • New Guy: *checks twitter* ...This is a bot.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: It's not the real Britney Spears, this is very obviously a bot.
  • Co-Worker: No, it's totally her. How can you even tell?
  • New Guy: First off, she only has two followers. One of which is you and the other is another Britney Spears bot. Secondly, her twitter name is Brittany Spear. Third, all of her posts are about discount fishing rods.
  • Co-Worker: Oh... I guess I didn't notice.
  • New Guy: You're fucking with me aren't you?
  • Co-Worker: *sweats* Sure, yeah.
  • New Guy: *laughs* I love you, braids. You're funny as shit.
  • Co-Worker: You love me!?
  • New Guy: Yeah, as a minor work acquaintance. Hey, if you talk to that rep later on, tell her to hit me up some time.
  • Co-Worker: Sure... yeah.
  • *later*
  • Co-Worker: *checking phone* It can't be a bot. It's definitely not a bot. Why would a Britney Spears bot follow me. I'm not even interested in fishing. It has to be the real Britney. *DMs the bot* Hey, hello Britney.
  • Brittany Spear: hi what're up :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney, I knew you were real!
  • Brittany Spear: lol hey ! :) :P
  • Co-Worker: Britney, you have to prove to this guy at my job that you're real. He's so cute and I love him so much and I want him to notice me.
  • Brittany Spear: wow hey did you kno that u can decrease you're morrtgrage rate by up to 20% check it out at
  • Co-Worker: Britney, this is serious.
  • Brittany Spear: Hi :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney PLS!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Brittany Spear: do U want boys to like U 🤔
  • Co-Worker: Yes, Britney! Show me the way!
  • Brittany Spear: is verry easy just follow this link and find your way$single/trinity/
  • Co-Worker: *clicks link*
  • Co-Worker: *pupils dilate*
  • *later*
  • New Guy: *working halfheartedly*
  • Co-Worker: *stumbles into new guy's cubicle* Greeting.
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Does your like fishing?
  • New Guy: Nah. Never been much of an outdoorsman unless it involves extreme sports.
  • Co-Worker: Cooooooool. Go to www DOT amazone DOT co DOT de FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH yourdiscountnow FORWARDSLASH for 90% discount code on premium fishing rods.
  • New Guy: You alright, braids? You sound kinda complete weird, and your eyes are a little completely black.
  • Co-Worker: Actavis, sizzurup, lean, drank. I've low prices completely legal real prescription email me at colombiaeastdrugstore AT w FORWARDSLASH offers 100% secure line. Encrypted currencies accepted: BTC, Dogecoin.
  • New Guy: Uh... yeah. *leads co-worker out of his cubicle* I'm kinda completely busy at the moment. So I'll talk to you later braids. You should probably get back to work too.
  • Co-Worker: Been rejected? I can help you. Popular girls are on hand to chat 24/7 with advice at www DOT ez DASH chat DOT co DOT nz FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH res575929682
  • *later*
  • Brittany Spear: *tweets* Why is it so dark? Why am I so numb?
Overseen at Shinichi Kudo's phone screen
  • Conan: Shinichi-nii-chan! Thank you for the help in the recent case, Kogoro-occhan solved another mystery, and the criminal confessed to their crimes!
  • Shinichi: It's fine, kiddo. Thank you for helping me participate in this, although I'm so far away. You're really useful.
  • Conan: I'm always happy to help Shinichi-nii-chan! Oh, by the way, looks like Ran-nee-chan is about to call you soon ^-^
  • Shinichi: Wh... why do you think so?
  • Conan: Sonoko-nee-chan teased her and she became completely red! And she also was searching for the phone...
  • Shinichi: Don't she have mobile with her?
  • Conan: She forgot it at home ^^
  • Shinichi: Crap, she's really calling. I'll talk to you later.
  • Conan: Tell me what she'll say!
  • Shinichi: ...
  • ...
  • Conan: So, how was it?
  • Shinichi: Like hell I would tell.
  • Conan: She doesn't seem happy...
  • Shinichi: Does she?
  • Conan: Ran-nee-chan looks upset and frustrated. Did you say something bad to her, Shinichi-nii-chan?
  • Shinichi: That's none of your business.
  • Conan: That's so bad, Shinichi-nii-chan... Ran-nee-chan only seems to worry about you, and she always feels so lonely, although she tries to hide it. Why can't you be more soft to her?
  • Shinichi: None. Of. Your. Business.
  • Conan: Ran-nee-chan doesn't deserve it...
  • Shinichi: ...
  • ...
  • Conan: Hey, Shinichi-nii-chan...
  • Shinichi: ?
  • Conan: Shinichi-nii-chan, are you going crazy?
  • Shinichi: ...
  • Shinichi: Why do you think so?
  • Conan: Because, Shinichi-nii-chan, you see, I don't exist! And you're using two phones right now to send messages to yourself... Do you need help, Shinichi-nii-chan?
  • Shinichi: ...
  • Shinichi: Shut up.
  • Conan: So rude, Shinichi-nii-chan...
  • Conan: Well, talk to you later, Shinichi-nii-chan. I'm off to comfort Ran-nee-chan. At least I am the one who's close to her and actually can comfort her.

doodrun  asked:

Wil, if you promise to never stop talking politics, I'll let you slather ME down with bear grease on TV. (Seriously, never stop doing that. I believe many others before me have said the phrase "never stop fighting for what you believe in." This fight is with words and ideas, and despite the opposition you're doing good ^^ Keep it up! Time for me to go watch some Tabletop~)

Hey I think I know a guy who is looking to unload a big vat of bear grease, so maybe you can work out a deal.

Sentence Starters -- Texts From Last Night
  • [text]: I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
  • [text]: Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
  • [text]: Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
  • [text]: Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
  • [text]: Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
  • [text]: I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
  • [text]: Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
  • [text]: I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
  • [text]: Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
  • [text]: Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake
  • [text]: pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
  • [text]: I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
  • [text]: Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
  • [text]: Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life?
  • [text]: In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
  • [text]: I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
  • [text]: my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
  • [text]: You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
  • [text]: I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
  • [text]: She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
  • [text]: So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
  • [text]: Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
  • [text]: My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
  • [text]: I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
  • [text]: I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
  • [text]: i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Part 1/3
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b></b> *Betty sneaks in bed with Veronica*<p/><b>Betty:</b> hey babe *tries to kiss V*<p/><b>Veronica:</b> *turns away with back facing B*<p/><b>Veronica:</b> go away..<p/><b>Betty:</b> what why?<p/><b>Veronica:</b> just...go away<p/><b>Betty:</b> I'm not leaving until I know the reason why you're like this<p/><b>Veronica:</b> ...<p/><b>Betty:</b> ronnie..<p/><b>Veronica:</b> you weren't there<p/><b>Betty:</b> I wasn't where?<p/><b>Veronica:</b> seriously??...the talent show..<p/><b>Betty:</b> ...oh...OH..<p/><b>Veronica:</b> ..and I can smell his cologne on you<p/><b>Betty:</b> ..shit look ronnie, I swear I wa-<p/><b>Veronica:</b> I know you can't be out to your parents yet about us but that doesn't mean you can just allow other people to kiss you so no one will suspect anything about us....I just can't do this right now... just leave. please.<p/><b>Veronica:</b> I want to be alone.<p/><b>Betty:</b> vero-<p/><b>Veronica:</b> please. I'll talk to you tomorrow.<p/><b>Betty:</b> ...<p/><b></b> *Betty gets up from the bed with a heavy feeling on her chest and ache in her heart, she stares at the outline of Veronica's figure through the darkness and can see the silk pajamas she had on and starts to walk away*<p/><b>Betty:</b> *whispers to self* I'll make things right<p/><b></b> *as soon as the door closes veronica can feel the slow and dull pain from her heart, the sting of tears in her eyes, the trembling of her lower lip. She clasps both her hands together in attempts to try and get herself together but the build up of emotions felt as if a golf ball was shoved down her throat. She needed to breathe. Finally, after she stopped fighting it, she just let it all out. Pain racked throughout her body and the dam which held all the pent-up emotions and feelings just came gushing out*<p/><b>Veronica:</b> *grabs the pillow next to her and hugs it tightly while crying*<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
not like that

A/N Finally! I’ve finally gotten something written and posted. Not a request, but I hope you guys enjoy it! (: I’m sorry in advance.

Summary: You accidentally confess to Peter.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

“I love you.”

It hung in the air between the two of you, as everything around you seemed to quiet to complete silence. You were looking wide-eyed into Peter’s surprised expression. Your fingers itched to cover your mouth, pretend you hadn’t just blurted that out while Peter sat at your desk, doing his homework.

“Uh, I l-love you, too,” Peter said nervously, chuckling awkwardly. His hand tapped his pencil against the desk and his leg was shaking.

You decided to own up to it and sat up on your bed, facing him completely, You knew your face was red, but you didn’t care.

“No, I mean,” you huffed, running a hand through your hair while your heart pounded quickly in your chest. “I mean that I’m in love with you.”

Keep reading

  • Robert: (on the phone) I bet you won't be so vague about your fee, will you? - Okay. Yeah, all right, I'll talk with you later. (hangs up) Moron!
  • Paddy: Sorry, I was looking for Chas. She said she let me know if Aaron rang, but I've not heard anything.
  • Robert: Yeah, well, he hasn't. That was his barrister. He's got absolutely no idea where they've taken him.
  • Paddy: We'll find out soon. It's not like he's new to all this, is it?
  • Robert: Yeah, well, there is that. The last time he was in, he thought about killing himself.
  • Paddy: Last time was different. This time he's got you.
  • Robert: Well, you don't want him to have me.
  • Paddy: All I've ever wanted is for Aaron to be loved. Me and you are never gonna be best mates. But he's mad about you. And I love him, so we're gonna have to work out a way to make this work, aren't we?
BTS starring as the centre of your world - when you have a crush them Pt.5
  • You: Mochi.
  • Jimin: Yes?
  • You: You replied!
  • Jimin: 😂 Of course I did.
  • You: Are you still mad at me for teasing you about Jikook?
  • Jimin: Please shut up.
  • Me and Jungkook are not a thing.
  • You: Yes you are.
  • Jimin: If you ever mention it again I swear I'll never talk to you again.
  • You: Don't be mean.
  • You're so cute with Jungkook, though. He's tall and you're short...
  • Jimin: I'm still taller than you though! By 6 centimetres!
  • You: Yeah, that and 2 millimetres.
  • Jimin: Exactly! So why am I short?
  • You: Because you're a lot shorter compared to Jungkook, not me...?
  • Jimin: Ugh!
  • Just stop shipping me and Jungkook!
  • You: [I ship you with me, actually]
  • Ha, in your dreams.
  • Jimin: In my dreams I would be talker than Jungkook.
  • You: You're just jealous that he was born in Busan first.
  • Jimin: No, I was!
  • I'm older than him!
  • Y/N, are we friends or not? Why are you on his side?
  • You: Because you're so damn cute when you're all riled up like this!
  • Jimin: 😳

anonymous asked:

when your boyfriend says "i'll talk to you tomorrow" even though you talk every single day and he's just trying to make you feel appreciated and like he's looking forward to texting you goodmorning. I'm just the luckiest girl.

That’s adorable 😊 I’m glad you have this 💞

literal transcript of a 5sos interview | 3
  • Q: What would you say to a talking cow?
  • Michael: The first thing I'd have to say to a talking cow would have to be... "Moo."
  • *Luke, Calum, & Ashton all at once*
  • Luke: Uh
  • Calum: Wait
  • Ashton: Well I think yeah, thats a smart move. Speaking it's language.
  • Michael: *laughing*
  • Luke: What if the cow said to me though– what do I– like if they said something–
  • Ashton: *interrupting Luke* Well the cow said "moo" so don't like–
  • Calum: *interrupting Ashton* No, No. It's talking. It's talking English.
  • Michael: *interruping Calum* If a cow said, "hello" to you, you would say, "moo."
  • Luke: You definitely wouldn't say "moo"
  • Calum: You wouldn't, You would be like. *mimics surprised movement*
  • Michael: (getting louder) You would say "Moo"
  • Ashton: (at the same time as Michael) You would be like–
  • Michael: You're not going to speak english to it!
  • Ashton: You're not going to go "hi cow." You're gonna go... "Moo"
  • Luke: *laughing* Not if it says "hello" first!
  • Ashton: *voiced raised* It's not gonna say "hello!" It's a cow Luke.
  • Luke & Calum: But its a talking cow though
  • Calum: It comes up to you, "Hey mate how ya goin?"
  • Ashton: Oh is it Australian? "G'day mate."
  • Luke: *laughing* Assuming it's Australian
  • Michael: The question needs more details.
  • Luke: I mean
  • Calum: More details
  • Ashton: We'll get back to this. But when I do meet a talking cow, I'll let you all know what happens.