then there was the i know you better than anyone; come with me which tbh was just too depressing

My theory/view on Oh Sehun

Sehun was scouted at a very young age. He was still a child and he had to be away from his family for long periods of time to train. Now remember he was a child when he was training and even when he debuted so in my opinion and view; he gave his members family roles. Also as people may have noticed, Sehun is and has always been close to China Line. So I think some of the most important family roles were given to each Chinese member.
First of all Kris. Kris was like a father figure to him or you could say a mature older brother with an age gap. Kris and Sehun were pretty close. So when he left it affected him in a large way. Yes other members were affected by this too since it was sudden and a shock to everyone to be honest. But to Sehun it was like losing a piece of his family.
Secondly, Luhan. Now Luhan is a complicated one. As much as I ship HunHan, I’m not delusional and I’m only stating my opinion. This is quite a big chunk so hold on to your balls kids.
Me and my friend Maddy were talking about EXO and their possible sexualities. We feel like Sehun may possibly be either gay or bisexual. And this isn’t because we ship him with Luhan, it’s because of the way he acts around members and how he especially acted around (ofc) Luhan himself. Now we also talked about Luhan and we think he’s straight. Taking into evidence everything he’s done and said; he pretty much seems straight tbh as much as I want him to be a smol twink.

As much as people don’t like to take it into acknowledgement, Luhan made a statement a while ago about not wanting to play homosexual roles because he wouldn’t feel comfortable? Don’t quote me on that but it was something along those lines. Now at first I thought it was because I thought maybe he was gay and didn’t want to be outed. But then I noticed his behavior in the past with other members and with getting touchy feely with them. He seemed slightly uncomfortable with it all and skinship in general. He laughed and joked around because in actuality he’s probably quite comfortable with his sexuality.
When it came to Sehun though, he seemed more open to contact. Why? Well why I think he seemed to get along better with Sehun more than others was that fact they met when Sehun was still a child.
As I mentioned before, Sehun in theory gave China Line family roles. But I feel like because Luhan was the first person he ever possibly opened up to and got extremely close to, he may not have been given a primary family role but rather the role of “the crush” or “the lover”. Once again as Sehun was quite young when the two met; Luhan could have well been Sehun’s “first love” or “first crush”. I mean you don’t need to fall in love to realise you’re not exactly straight. But anyway..
Luhan is supposedly straight but he’s also really fucking nice. So as sehun is the youngest, everyone naturally spoiled him. But Luhan I guess kind of did it a little more? Because of the closeness of the two. “Bubble tea? Luhan hyung.” “Movie? Luhan hyung” etc.

So because of this affection and behavior, Sehun may have quite easily “fallen” for Luhan. Luhan on the other hand, only treated him this way because he was the maknae and considered a smol baby that needs love and protection. (which he is lmao)
But then I remembered, didn’t Luhan grow up with LGBT friends?? So he can’t possibly be homophobic right? And also all those ‘caught by the camera’ hunhan moments. It might not exactly have been romantic skin contact but it was still contact. Now Luhan as I mentioned before, seemed a little uncomfortable when getting involved in skinship with members. But the only time I could see that was when he was on camera. He tends to be like this on camera but a lot more close and touchy feely when he doesn’t think a camera is on him. That’s where the HunHan moments happened and that’s where I considered Luhan being bisexual. But aside from that discovery, I still feel that Luhan didn’t see Sehun in “that” way.
Those forms of contact could have easily been platonic. But Sehun, I felt took the romanticism out of those moments for himself and started feeling something other than platonic towards Luhan.
In other words, all HunHan theories aside (I could write a whole other post about those); Luhan meant a hell of a lot to him. So when he left, it affected him. BIG TIME.
So much so, I think he may have developed some kind of depression. After the leave of Luhan, Sehun seemed a lot more reserved and quiet. He built a kind of wall to protect himself. And it took him a while to come out from that a little.
Luhan may have possibly been Sehun’s love interest but I don’t think it was mutual.

And now this is where Tao comes in.
Now Tao was practically Sehun’s best friend/brother in his family roles. After the loss of two members that both were quite close to, they were attached by the hip and they were practically twins. They were both hurt and sought comfort in each other. They even bought a fucking car together so you can see how close they were. So far he had lost a father figure/older brother and a “love” that meant a lot to him. So when Tao left, that’s when the walls really went up. And these walls must have been 10x thicker than the ones he put up after Luhan because Sehun hardly smiled anymore. He had now also lost his best friend/brother. And he keeps losing people he gets closest to. If I was him, I’d do the same. Constantly losing the people that I got ridiculously close to would make me build my walls so high, I don’t know if I’d be able to trust anyone anymore. And that may most likely be the case for Sehun. And this is exactly why he needs someone more than ever to tell him that he is loved. To tell him he is worth more than the people around him. But I think EXO losing members has made EXO as well as the fans a lot stronger and a lot more closer than before. I’ve noticed EXO are a lot closer than they used to be. So maybe Sehun does have someone he can talk to. I’ve noticed he talks a lot more to Kyungsoo and Yixing too. Kyungsoo has taken on the role of older brother because of his maturity and mannerisms and Yixing is also an older brother and friend.
But i still feel like he needs someone in his life to make him feel loved. Of all the shit he’s been through, he doesn’t deserve anything other than love and support. He especially doesn’t deserve hateful comments and tags telling him he’s worthless and unwanted. As much as people think idols don’t see these things, they do. Their social media works exactly the same as yours does. Every time someone comments or tags them, it comes up in their notifications. Just. Like. It. Does. On. Yours.
Please keep that in mind before commenting/tagging any of the idols in ridiculous and mean stuff.

In Sehun’s case in particular, he definitely checks his notifications. I remember a while back he was talking to the fans and people started going ballistic over it and he apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again. My smol bean:(
but seriously don’t be calling him useless and talent-less and all that bullshit because you don’t know how much hard work and dedication goes into being an idol. He’s not just a visual. He works hard to be where he is. So much work is put in behind the scenes for the 5 min performances we all see. Appreciate what you have. And remember, please remember. THEY’RE HUMANS TOO!
I also have the feeling that because ¾ of China Line have left, Sehun may have at one point went to Yixing crying and begging him not to leave, while Yixing constantly tells him he won’t while comforting him and thinking of that makes me cry.

So I’m going to end this here, thank you so much for reading :)
If you have any questions, feel free to drop by my ask box.

- Ken

beanfairies  asked:

so? everyone doesn't like lucien because he tries to force feyre to go back to spring? BUt he doesn't know what the night court is actually like? everything he tells feyre about it is what he believes? so,, in his mind,, this guy this rhys is manipulating her or forcing her or ect. and he wants her safe and tamlin isn't safe but its safer than the sadistic killers he tells feyre about in tar?? and he saw how rhys treated feyre in utm - and it was noT. nice. he's just trying to help her?

Yeah?? I think people kind of…struggle seeing things from Lucien’s perspective? Feyre is their main character, concern and focus so they just…Look at things from her POV and focus on her needs and situation and don’t really…Think of anyone outside it? I don’t think the Inner Circle helps in this instance because they were, all of them, almost as instrumental in Feyre’s recovery and understanding of her abuse as Rhys was. They just consider the character’s surface actions not the context behind them (like the fact the IC are in a position to help Feyre and will face 0 negative consequences for that which…isn’t exactly what Lucien is facing here) 

And then, as you point of, Lucien doesn’t know what Rhys is like really? This is the man who has put on the public face of the High Lord persona he uses in the Court of Nightmares for years before Lucien was even born. As far as Lucien knew/was aware of he was the right hand and whore of the woman who gouged his eye out and cursed his High Lord, himself, and his people. This is also the man who held Lucien’s mind and was ready to crush it and completely strip Lucien of his self and identity. This was something that Rhys was capable of doing while Amarantha was holding a good portion of his power in thrall so it’s not really a surprise that Lucien believes Rhys is fully capable, both in terms of his powers and his morals, of manipulating Feyre, making her love him, turn her back on Tamlin for the purposes of hurting Tamlin. (because…using Feyre to hurt/use Tamlin is something Rhys has done before)  

Rhys was playing a part, yes…but it’s a part that he played extremely well and revealed to few. That has consequences. While I agree that Tamlin wildly overreacted when he went to Hybern for help the fact remains that his reasons for doing that actually comprise…pretty sound logic. Look at it from their point of view. 

 Rhys forced Feyre into a bargain UtM entitling him to take her for a week per month. He turned up to enforce this bargain during their wedding (Lucien had no idea that Feyre was panicking at this point and begging for help - he’s not a mind reader) He basically kidnaps Feyre as far as Lucien is concerned and this time she doesn’t come home…she sends them a letter but, like, what’s the more believable scenario for him? That Rhys forged said letter to taunt Tamlin or that this all powerful, malevolent, sadistic lord of night taught the young, illiterate girl how to read and write so she could send it herself? Yeah. Add to that Tamlin’s…instability and Lucien’s desperation to keep his court and his home together, plus his worry for his friend in the hands of this sadistic court who plants severed heads in their fountains for the hell of it and it’s…not entirely surprising that Lucien is fearful for Feyre’s safety and wants to bring her home (by force if necessary because she can’t see past Rhys’s influence) Rhys made this bed, frankly, in ACOTAR and in the centuries before cultivating a reputation that keeps his people safe but incredibly isolated. Lucien just seems to be the one fandom is forcing to lie in it.  

Also I feel like people focus on what Lucien didn’t do rather than what he did (and what happened to him as a result) 

Like, he’s known Tamlin…pretty much his entire life, let’s say 350 years for easy counting shall we? Tamlin took him in, gave him a place, a position of respect in his court and protects him from his sadistic murderous family. And has done so for three hundred and fifty years. Feyre on the other hand he’s known for, what? less than two years certainly at this point, she showed up after she killed and skinned one of his friends (something Lucien feels guilty about) Plus the fact that Tamlin. Is. Abusing. Him. Tamlin has been emotionally and physically abusing Lucien for centuries that kind of thing isn’t something you can just switch off and overcome for the sake of bettering someone else’s situation? If it was he’d have left that court and that influence years ago (if he even recognises the situation he’s in which is…sadly doubtful) 

And in spite of literally all of that Lucien still helps Feyre??? Repeatedly??? He’s willing to let Rhys wipe him out to protect her name (and he’s only spared because Feyre intervenes). He saves her life and is brutally whipped for it. He nearly dies alongside her in the second task because he’s someone that no-one will mourn and more importantly that no-one will help and he knows that and accepts it. He tells her not to make him pick…Not to make him pick between her, someone he’s known less than a year at this point, who killed his friend but that he’s befriended anyway and his High Lord, the man he considers a friend, the person he’s sworn to obey and the person he completely and utterly relies on for everything. And he still stands up to him. Repeatedly. Even when Feyre won’t, when she’s given up effectively Lucien pushes back again and again and again. He gets dismissed, belittled and physically harmed as a result of this. Yet he still promises to try again in spite of that. 

And guess what? Fandom saying that Lucien should do more? That he isn’t trying hard enough? That he’s sitting back letting this happen in spite of his position, in spite of his abuse, in spite of the consequences of him pushing back even a little. Lucien feels like this too. Lucien feels guilty for not doing more. 

Thoughts slammed into me, images and memories, a pattern of thinking and feeling that was old, and clever, and sad, so endlessly sad and guilt-ridden, hopeless—
Then I was back, blinking, no more than a heartbeat passing as I gaped at Lucien.
His head. I had been inside his head, had slid through his mental walls—

People, myself included, have focused on this passage as showing that Lucien is likely depressed due to his situation, that he feels ‘endlessly sad’ and hopeless which isn’t really surprising. But in this moment he also feels guilt-ridden, not just feeling a little bad or a little guilty, fully guilt-ridden. This is the moment where Feyre encourages Lucien to push back because they’re right and Tamlin is wrong and she wants him to fight for that and instead he backs down. 

And this is how he responds to the situation. He feels sad, he feels guilty and he feels hopeless. He feels guilty about not pushing back, not standing up for Feyre (not himself) but he also feels hopeless. There is nothing he can do. There is a limit to what he can do, the impact he can have and he knows that. Lucien isn’t stupid, Lucien is actually pretty damn switched on and intuitive when it comes to people and he knows Tamlin well, he knows what’s going to happen if he and Feyre keep pushing and he knows it’s not going to be pretty or pleasant for either of them. 

This isn’t laziness, this isn’t silence, this isn’t complicity (that argument genuinely disgusts me tbh) this is survival instinct. This is a person who has been trapped in this situation for a very long time and has learned when to shut his mouth for his own good. That isn’t selfish; that’s just what he’s been forced to become to survive this situation and I don’t know how anyone can truly blame him for that. 

Feyre needs help in this situation and Lucien can’t give it to her (though he tries, puts himself at risk to try for her) because Lucien needs help too. A little bit of compassion wouldn’t go amiss tbh, Lucien is suffering from PTSD and depression, is being emotionally and physically abused by someone he’s indebted to and completely relies upon….and he still tries to help Feyre. Let’s just…think about that for a minute before we start accusing him of ‘supporting Tamlin’s abuse’ please and thanks. 

You’re my (guitar) hero

pairing: michael x reader

TRIGGER WARNING this talks of self harm so do not read if you’re easily triggered

stay safe loves xx

i was playing guitar hero the other day and thought of this lets gooooo

It wasn’t unusual for Michael to be in his man cave all day playing video games; the continuous swearing that would emit from the room while he furiously hit buttons on the controller you had gotten used to after living with him for a while. But one day, something just seemed off with him.

You hated to knock on the door and disrupt his intense gaming, but the curiosity was driving you insane. This morning when he woke up, he seemed off, like something was bothering him. When you tried asking him about it, he just shrugged it off, retreating to his man cave and after that, you didn’t see him again. 

Now 11:30 at night and he hasn’t even come out for dinner, let alone lunch or a simple drink he usually has right before dinner. You softly knocked on the door. “Michael, babe?” You asked, listening for a response. Nothing. You knocked a little louder. “Michael, is everything alright?”

You could hear music playing from inside the room, and you heard him shift on the couch some, so you quietly opened the door. “Babe?” You asked, walking up to him.

Michael was folded up in the corner of the couch, guitar hero playing on the TV and the guitar controller in his hands. His eyes were fixated on the screen in front of him, which displayed the notes of the song Dead! by MCR. It was his favorite song to play on expert, and whenever he played it he would always be up on his feet dancing like an idiot while he played. We would always battle out at this song, and he would always win, doing his little victory dance once he won. He was always so happy whenever he would play this song, or any song on the game, for that matter. But he wasn’t now, slouching in the chair as if he gave no fucks about anything in life anymore, like the game which started his career had no meaning at all. 

“Mikey, what’s wrong?” You asked, taking your seat next to him and hugging your knees to your chest. 

His focus remained on the screen and whenever he would miss a few notes, he would just sigh. Michael never missed a note on this song since he’s gotten so good at it, unless we were dueling and I threw my guitar at him so he would mess up. 

When the song finally ended, I leaned over and grabbed the controller out of his grip, taking a good look at his face and noticing his eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were stained with tears. “Michael, what’s wrong?” You repeated for what felt like the 20th time tonight.

He looked down at his lap and swallowed. “I dreamt of you last night.”

“And?” You urged, placing a hand on his bicep.

“You were gone.” He whispered, looking up into your eyes. “And I couldn’t get you back.”

“Like, I left you?” You asked.

He nodded. “But it was forever.”

A bad feeling formed in the pit of your stomach, as his hands trailed to your wrists which were scarred over, a few new cuts from the night before. His thumbs ran along the scars and the newly formed cuts, his trembling hands bringing them up to his face as his kissed each wrist lightly. Tears had formed in his eyes again, and the silent tears falling from his eyes turned to quiet sobs as he cried into your hands. 

“Please don’t leave me, baby.” He cried, as you pulled him into a proper hug.

Before last night, it had been over 7 months since you had last self-harmed. But recently, the depression had caught up to you and Michael was out of the house less and less, leaving you alone with your thoughts. It had all gotten too much at once, so you lashed out against yourself. 

“How did you know I relapsed?” You asked, feeling his tears stain your t-shirt.

He pulled away from the hug, bringing the heel of his hands up to his eyes to wipe them and stop the tears from coming out. “By the time I got home last night you were asleep, and when I crawled into bed I saw them under the sheets. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’re never home anymore, Michael. It was just last night, too, while you were out with your friends.” You told him. “It just gets hard sometimes, you know?”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He cried. The sight of him this distraught had tears pricking at your own eyes. “I should’ve been there for you more.”

“It’s okay, Michael.” You told him. 

“But it isn’t okay.” He argued, shaking his head. “I’m supposed to be your rock you come to when you need help. But I wasn’t, and now you aren’t okay.”

“I’ll be okay, though. You’re my hero, remember? You’re the reason I got better before, and I can get through it again.” You reminded him. It was true; the whole reason you stopped self-harming before was because of Michael. He helped you in more ways than anyone else you knew, and he was the reason you were here today, ultimately. 

“I promise I’ll help you in any way you need, okay? We’re gonna get through this together, and you’ll be happy again.”

“I am happy, Michael. As long as I’m with you. I was just at a weak moment in my life.” You told him, a tear escaping your eye. “Just promise me you’ll try and be here more often.”

He nodded his head hurriedly. “Anything for you, love. If it means you staying, I’ll do it. Anything.”

“Thank you, Mikey.” You said, as he pecked your lips lightly. “I love you.”

“I love you so much more, Y/N.”

fanfic writer appreciation day

i know, i know, it’s a day late!! ;;; but better late than never. 

the kylux fandom and the unbelievable talent of kylux writers has helped me through so much shit this year. it’s really important to me that i share my appreciation for those authors with everyone!! 

also, before we get started: i want to list so many more fics than this, but i’m so busy and distracted lately in the process of moving houses :\ if i’ve forgotten anyone crucial i apologize!! i will remedy any mistakes once i’ve realized them xxx

far from any road — @lost-balloons | madison you are in oregon right now planning for our future restaurant and hipster life but i am here to remind you that a) i love our kylux shitpost sessions, b) you are truly wine mom hux in the flesh and c) this fic is so gorgeous and has the most incredible format

can’t rewind we’ve gone too far@reserve | my definite favorite ben/hux to kylux fic. every time i read one of your fics i’m blown away by how you’re able to build an entirely new world or atmosphere with the same characters, you’re still one of my biggest inspirations!!

loyalties @skywalkeraesthetics| i’m loving the imagery and setting of this fic so far, and millicent as hux’s therapy animal is everything i’ve ever wanted. also, a big weepy thank you for all of the beautiful ficlets you send me over pm (i can’t wait to collab with you)

the entire everything of me series@sinningsquire | weak together still haunts me. stronger than the sea broke me and then put me back together again. the way you write the kylux dynamic is so powerful and vivid, i admire your skill so much!! 

at the mercy + elesion@saltandlimes | so so so good my god these are so good. and relatable which i know isn’t good but!!! your self-destructing hux makes me ache, in the best way. i find myself drawn back to this universe of yours constantly, it’s always drifting into my head to remind me that you are spectacular at capturing my attention and holding it with these riveting dark-spun stories. it was hard to choose favorites out of all of your works, but these two are masterpieces

know thyself@theeascetic | i fawn over you all the time i know!! but that’s not going to stop me from fawning over you again here and now!! you are so talented in both art and writing and i always stop whatever i’m doing to rush to read your updates and new fics. being able to chat with you and dream up/rant about kylux headcanons together is something i look forward to every week. your know thyself series in particular is heart-wrenchingly excellent, i can’t wait for the upcoming chapter!

collateral damage, i tell you miserable things after you are asleep, ALL OF YOUR WIPS — @abernathae​ | sydni where do i even start with you?? you are the very first writer i ever talked to in the kylux fandom and i’m so lucky to know you and be your friend. your writing is goals. your life is, in fact, not real, but actually just a xavier dolan film. i would probably help you take over the world tbh. and happily live under your Kylux Gothic Glory reign. whoever hasn’t read your work is missing the fuck out

definitive gaze + inappropriate material@irisparry| dismantle me was the first fic i read of yours, and ever since i discovered your writing you’ve continued to produce hilarious and stunning content. you have a real knack for building ambiance— the first few paragraphs in definitive gaze still come back to me every once and a while, i can still remember incredible detail you put into painting the picture of kylo waking up in the morning. i just! love your writing! so much

autonomous sensory meridian response@starsshinedarkly77 | SUPREME LEADER OF SOFT KYLUX, HELLO. as someone who uses asmr to help calm anxiety + get to sleep (just like kylo!) this fic is so important to me. i was on the edge of my seat with my heart in my mouth the entire time, and hux’s quiet sort of kindness at the ending brought tears to my eyes. i can’t thank you enough for all of your beautiful work in this fandom, we’re blessed to have you!

hotline bling@minzimpression​ | THIS FIC. YOUR WRITING. matchmaker organa. snippy workaholic hux. the sauciest  kylo ren to ever grace ao3. minze, you are a genius comedian and a prose deity, i kneel before you and your talent. this fandom wouldn’t be the same without you!! (also sorry i’m so awkward whenever i talk to you, you’re crazy cool ;o;)

the slightest shift in the weather, my whole existence is flawed@claricechiarasorcha | first of all, every time you publish a new fic, i’m amazed. it’s like, every time— there it is! she’s done it again! your sniper hux is a gift— and so is that scene in the cantina ;) your matt the radar tech is my favorite matt the radar tech. you are an absolute treasure

aquarius@acroamatica | so GOOD oh my gosh, i’m pretty sure i read this fic all the way through with my mouth hanging open, jaw on the floor. it starts off beautifully and only goes up from there, you most definitely have a way with words, the atmosphere you’ve created here is so brilliant. i can’t wait to read more from you

your lips drop sweetness@rex-luscus| this fic cured my depression honestly and also introduced me to the beauty of hux calling kylo “darling”. it’ll probably always be my no. 1 pick-me-up soft kylux fic to go to whenever i’m down, i just adore it (and you!!!) so much

like a wounded animal, at the beginning of the world, artificial light@huxcrying| ok i had to put all three of these fics on here because seriously, everything you touch turns to gold. i think about artificial light way more than i should, and thanks to you i giggle a little whenever i use coconut oil. whenever anyone asks me for a kylux fic rec i turn to you immediately. you have such a gift + i’m so happy to know you ;^;

missionary impossible@ofamaranthlie​ | i know you wrote this ages ago, but it’s stuck with me all this time!! the scenario is a classic kylux setup, but your style and perfect dialogue crafted it into something original and unique. in less than 2000 words you managed to make me fall in love with your renditions of both kylo and hux. i’ll never stop coming back to this fic!!

Summer Holidays fic rec

Since I have three months off to spend my time at home I use the best of it to read the amazing works our fandom gives to us (i’m so productive). 

So no need to say that I will be updating this weekly (i hope) and just hope this will be somehow useful and interesting to someone. 

Complete fic rec page

Escape by Anonymous 146k

In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He’s rich. He’s handsome. He’s reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

My notes: I’m just leaving this here as a reminder to tell you to read it again because honestly everyone knows this is the fic of the year. If you haven’t then you’re weird.. it’s like fluff, funny, good smut and drama free (with all the shit it has been going on in our fandom who needs more drama?!) So *Ellie Gouldin’s voice* what are you waiting fooooor? (I’m the worse I apologize)

Pull me under by zarah5 140k

AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career, it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis’ favourite teammate, Liam as Louis’ agent, and Zayn as Liam’s boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.)

My notes: probably a lot of you have read this before but I’m always late to these things. Yet I rec this 100% it’s cute and who doesn’t like pinning and a faking relationship au?

These constant stars by Anonymous 31k

Louis’ career has nowhere to go but up. He’s living at the height of New York City on the precipice of an epic promotion. Life is good and only getting better. And then one day, things turn disastrous.

This is a story about life, death, and punk rockers turned guardian angels.

My notes: okay this one is an exclamation point for me. It begins amazingly, the plot intrigues me and punk harry is on top (pun may not be intended)… I just don’t think the development is that good however it is cute and you can read it quickly and feel light weighted. 

Falling for your hallelujah by whiskeyinthejar 19k

There’s a homeless boy who’s made his new place outside Louis’s work. Louis, in unexpected generosity, offers him a cup of coffee and a sprinkle doughnut.
No one really expected it to become a Thing.

(In which Louis works in a cafe, Harry has no home, and it’s freezing cold but no one cares).

My notes: i don’t know why I have a thing for homeless au’s but I do and this one is so heart warming and the best cup of tea ever.

You’re the one that I want by spacecakesandmilkshakes 15k

Harry had always been Louis’ best friend and…well…his baby, until one day he realized that his baby was all grown up.

My notes: I don’t know, everyone has a thing for best friends falling in love so.

Your Silhouette Over Me by chipir 6k

The one where Louis went out one night after work, wanting to get laid, and then ended up meeting a bartender named Harry Styles.

My notes: This is really hot okay

Frosbite by ywanie 16k 

Harry is struggling with the sex addiction that controls his life, leaving him depressed and frustrated. On top of everything he’s feeling a growing affection and sexual attraction toward his best friend, Louis. But it’s surely because of his addiction, right?


My notes: this is quite funny honestly.

Why don’t we go there by starsaligned 19k 

Louis sends a text message to a wrong number by accident. They keep texting each other from there.

My notes: this is so cute and so easy to read since is a little numbers au plus phone sex.

Holding on to you (series) by hazandboo_write 11k 

harry’s cute and curly and blind, louis’s not, they meet at a wedding, and then out for yogurt.

harry’s still blind, louis’ still not, they’re both still super cute, and it’s time for their first date, so. yeah, that happens. 

My notes: cute, cute, cute, sooo cute

Satan’s got a new headscarf by larryscafe 9k 

Basically they hate each other and Louis rides Harry.

My notes: okay i’d never thought i would like this much such a small fic but it’s so well written, funny and clever, the smut is hot and i love the end.

Some Things Take Root by navigator, quitter 50k 

AU. Louis’ ex doesn’t get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

My notes: Fake relationship au started being my new favourite. It’s expected that it’s the same writer as Speaking of Marvels (that if you have’t read it yet erm go check it out tbh). it sounds smart if i can say it and i like the fact it’s clear that Louis isn’t really interested in Harry in the beginning so there’s a big development. 

bring out feelings in me i never show by tomorrows 24k 

Louis accidentally hires a felon to be his fake boyfriend for Thanksgiving.

My notes: Another fake relationship au where when they kiss my world falls apart.

take my hand (and lead me home) by Anonymous 13k 

AU in which every time a person falls in love with their soulmate, a red line, like a tally mark, appears on their wrists. When their love is requited, the tally mark turns black, and turns into a scar when the one they love dies. Harry with no tally marks falls for Louis with all of his tally marks scarred.

My notes: I’m so sad this one wasn’t longer. apparently who wrote it lost around 30k words and i just can imagine the good things it could have happened. it’s a different way to tell a story this one i suppose but i really liked it, the descriptions are so well done and it’s so cute. the plot is amazing i’m just sad it wasn’t more developed but still so worth the shot.

this unnatural path, it spans infinitely by radhomo 21k 

an au where Louis and Harry are on a trip with their university to nyc and the fall in love and fuck.

My notes: I don’t know how to feel about this one. i like the concept and the plot because i love uni au’s and trips to NYC i just think it all happened too quickly but not saying you might not like it.

Help! (I Need Somebody) by MiniMangaFan 2k 

Liam’s prank backfires spectacularly.

My notes: okay just have fun and a good laugh reading this 2k joke

Teacups by sincehewaseighteen 25k 

the au where louis works as peter pan at paris’ eurodisney while harry’s the mad-hatter who works at the teacup ride, and just so happens to be the annoyingly gorgeous man louis is in love with.

My notes: the plot is really interesting, they’re cute af and hey eurodisney au

In dreams by dolce_piccante 23k 

AU. When Harry moves to a new city, his new flat come with a number of sweet, anonymous gifts and surprises that brighten his days. Could it be a friendly ghost? Another friendly presence in his new building is his tattooed neighbor, Louis, who seems determined to put a smile back on his face. 

My notes: it’s no rntm nor escape but hell yeah this is good and cute and just is worth the time reading it of course.

The death of july by whimsicule 117k

Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

My notes: finally read this one even though it took me so long. a lot of you know this fic already but either way i like to put here and give my opinion SO. do i rec it? yeah, if you like angst and marvel this is perfect for you. i personally do and it was a good time, not a complete waste. this is very well written and intelligent however (yup, there’s a but) the ending is a disappointment and a lot should have been explored in the plot. it had so much more potential that it was thrown away. i also feel like there’s a lack of larry interaction and i didn’t feel connected with louis’ character. at the end i was just very curious about ziall relationship. overall it’s a 7 out of 10 so not bad.

Keep reading

Let me tell you about the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I’ve never told this story to anyone before, ever. Looking back now, the whole situation was surreal. I tend to forget it ever even happened 99% of the time, but when I do remember it, it makes me feel a lil bit sick and I need a couple of minutes to kinda process it. I’m submitting this to get it off my chest more than anything and I’d rlly appreciate if you could post this anonymously! (Sorry it’s so long!!)

I’m the head moderator of a self-harm confessions blog, a position which I’m sorta neglecting at the moment bc I’m pretty sure I haven’t posted any confessions in a couple of months. (I haven’t self-harmed pretty much since this incident, so I guess it’s just not a prominent enough part of my life for me to give it that much attention nowadays.) Just over two years ago, when I actually had the time to post our confessions regularly, I got a lot of asks looking for advice and such on my main blog, and one day I received an ask from a guy who I’ll call G. When he first sent me an ask, I didn’t realise he was a guy because the huge majority of people who interacted with me after finding me via the confession blog were female. Not that it would have bothered me if I’d known he was male from the start, but I probably wouldn’t have given him my number.

Basically, he was looking for advice because he’d been struggling with his relationship for the last couple of weeks. He self-harmed and his girlfriend was fairly manipulative and abusive. She took advantage of his vulnerability and depression quite a lot and generally wasn’t a very nice person, but he was so in love with her. He kinda knew she was a shitty person tho, which is why he sent me an ask in the first place. He needed advice on how to, I guess, fall out of love with her and erase her from his life.

Like I said, I didn’t know whether he was male or female at this point and I hadn’t thought to ask yet, so when we found out that we both lived in England, he asked whether he could have my number so that it’d be easier to talk to each other. I said yes and we started to message each other via Whatsapp. Whatsapp uses your real name, so it was then that I found out his name and that he was a boy. It surprised me, but didn’t bother me too much, as he was a pretty sweet guy. We got to know each other a little bit more before we started talking about his current situation a bit more and, at some point, I asked him his age. Now, at this time, I was 15. G was 24. I was a pretty innocent teenager and often didn’t pick up on red flags before it was too late, so I didn’t even flinch at this and we continued to talk with no issues.

For the first day, it seemed that just talking to G was enough to take his mind off of his girlfriend completely. At 3am, he thanked me for talking to him, but admitted he needed to get some sleep. He told me he’d felt the happiest he’d felt for years talking to me and it made me feel so wonderful hearing that. You’ve gotta understand, I’m pretty full of myself, so hearing shit like that makes me so damn smug, it’s unbelievable. I tend to resent myself for it nowadays.

Anyway, the next day, I wake up to a good morning message asking me how I slept. Again, this made me feel like the damn queen of the world because, hey, I’m being given positive attention! We carry on talking that day and getting to know each other. It turns out he lives in London, about 2 and a half hours away from the town I used to live in, Swindon. Fun fact about the history of Swindon, it was, like, the epicentre of the railway system when they were first building it over here, so there are quite a few direct linking trains to other major cities on the original lines, London obviously being one of them. Upon hearing where I live, he immediately jumped into ‘we could totally meet up’, ‘I could come visit you’, etc, and I just kinda said 'yeah, haha, maybe’, not wanting to blow him off, but sorta trying to give off the vibe that I wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. He seemed to understand though.

Over the next couple of days, he started to drop hints that he liked me. We’d exchanged pictures by now and he was constantly telling me how pretty he thought I was and how lovely my eyes were, soppy shit like that. He never asked for any more pictures other than the ones I sent him voluntarily though and all of these were just of my face, as were the ones he sent back. Tbh, he wasn’t even unattractive and I kinda started to like him back a little, y'know, completely ignoring the 9 year age gap that technically made him a paedophile because I was a fucking idiot and he didn’t seem to know better.

Now, I was in a Japanese club at school (because I was a fuckin weeaboo) and we were planning a trip to the London Japanese Matsuri that August, as we did every year. It was June at the time, so I thought it would be a good idea to let G know that I’d be in London during the festival. He was ecstatic and immediately asked about that day, where the festival is and, ultimately, whether I’d like to meet up and grab some lunch with him. Considering that it wouldn’t be for another couple of months and I figured we would’ve gotten to know each other quite well by then, so I agreed and we arranged a meeting place, time and everything else right then and there.

Of course, though, things went wrong, and quite soon after this as well. A couple of days after we’d made all of these arrangements, G’s now-ex turned up at his door and he stupidly let her in. I haven’t mentioned his ex since the start of this, because all this time, I’d sorta ended up taking up all the time that G usually spent talking to his ex. I’d genuinely made him so happy. He’d stopped cutting himself in the time we’d spent talking to each other, he constantly expressed how happy he was and, in turn, that made me happy and made me feel good about myself. Honestly, I don’t know whether it was self-fulfilment or genuine happiness that I felt, but what happened next made me feel like I was an even worse person than G’s ex.

The night she turned up and he let her in, it turned out that all she’d turned up to do was tell G that she was done with him and this is the part that makes me feel sick to my stomach every time I remember it. This broke him. He didn’t message me at all for about a day and a half and, of course, considering just how delicate his psyche was and the fact that the last message he’d sent me was along the lines if 'my ex is here’, this worried the fuck out of me. I had no idea what had happened to him and I was genuinely concerned that he might have done something… drastic, if you get me. G finally got back in touch with me though, told me what she’d said to him and admitted he had been pretty much drinking non-stop while he hasn’t been talking to me. He was still drunk when he was messaging me, but I talked to him as normal.

I’d never seen him drunk before and he was so different as a result of it. I’d never seen him this broken down, this upset and that’s when he started to pour out his heart to me. He told me how he’d fallen in love with me and how much our age gap hurt him because he knew how wrong it was. He then told me he wanted to cut himself so badly again and, when I asked him why, I really wasn’t expecting the answer I got.

“I want to see you naked and I hate myself for it.”

G was my best friend, and this is when I did the worst thing I’d ever done to anybody in my life. Instead of giving him time to cool off, asking him to calm down or anything else I’d usually do to try and forgive and rekindle the relationship, I completely broke it off. I ignored his messages, waited until I knew he’d fallen asleep and then wrote him a message basically asking him to delete my number and to not contact me from now on.

It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done because I knew how delicate he was, I knew how easily he could break and I knew how broken he was then and I didn’t hear from him after that, so I have no idea how badly I hurt him. I can’t even guarantee that he’s still alive right now.

I have one glimpse of hope that he’s still out there and that he’s okay though. There was a guy wandering around the Japanese Matsuri that year, the spitting image of G. We exchanged glances a couple of times as we passed each other and, dear god, I hoped it was him, thought I didn’t dare try to talk to him, nor him to me.

G, I’m so sorry. Two years on, I sincerely hope you’re okay and I’m honestly just so, so sorry. I blame myself for everything to this day. You deserved so much better.

I’m Sorry

Request: If requests are still open. Joker and reader dated in high school and reunited later when hes the joker, which ever joker tbh. and he still loves reader. also i really like your work. <3 By Anonymous.

Word counts: 602

Warnings: Swearing, gun, kiss.

(Gif won’t post. :( Sorry about that!)

You walk out of the cafe, you just had the worst date ever with a guy called Rob. All he could talk about was him and his money. He even let you pay the fucking bill. God, how much you wanted to slap him.

You turn around the corner and get inside of the building. You take the stairs to the second floor and open the door to you apartment. You put your bag down and fall onto the couch.

Could you just have somebody like him… The guy you dated in high school, Jack. You still remember how he made you feel.

You had never loved anyone more than you loved him. But, you had broken up with him because you went through a rough time. Both of your parents died in the same week. He was devastated but you couldn’t handle it anymore, you were depressed. It was the worst period of you life. You’re still sorry that you broke up with him, but that was a bit late right now.

You walk to the kitchen to get something to drink. You open the fridge and take a bottle of whiskey.    You grab a glass and fill it. As you were just about to take a sip you hear shouting in the hallways.

“I didn’t steal your money!” A man shouts.

“Oh? You didn’t? You didn’t steal my money!? Hhhmm!?” Another man shouts.

“No.” He says serious.

“I don’t believe you, where’s your apartment!?”


You hear footsteps coming to your door. What the hell?

“Open it.” The man says inpatient.

“I uhh… Left the keys inside…” He stutters.

“Then we do it the hard way, kick the door open boys!”

You hear more men walking to the door and then a loud bang. Your door was kicked open. You just stand there, afraid of what they will do to you.

A pale white man walks in and behind him that fucking prick, Rob. “That’s your girlfriend…?” He asks confused. He stares oddly long at you.

“What the hell are you doing in my apartment? I did nothing to you.” You say scared, you know exactly who the man was. The Joker and you really don’t want trouble.

“Really? I fucking hate it when people lie, Rob.” The Joker turns to the man behind him and takes him by his collar.

“One more time, where is my money.” He look at the man, he’s fucked.

“No…? Nothing? Well were gonna have some fun!” He takes his gun and puts it against temple.

“Let’s play a game! You answer right he gets to live, for now. You answer wrong, he dies! Exciting isn’t it?!” He laughs while pointing at you.

“You want me to…?” You look at the man.

“Yes you! So the question is, why do you seem so familiar?” He looks at you.

“Wait what…? Why do I look…” You look into his blue eyes, shit he does look familiar.

He let’s go of the man and walks your way. He puts gun on the kitchen counter and cups your face.

“(Y/N)…” You see a small smile appear on his face and also anger. You look at the man, the man you have always loved. He has changed so much…

“Jack…? What happened to you…” You see him sad and angry. It was so weird to see him after so long.

“A lot… You alright?” He asks.

“Well, better than after we…” You look sad at him, you were so sorry. “I’m sorry Jack…”

“Me too.” He says and he gives you a small kiss on your forehead.

Ok. SO this post is about Lisa, she’s had like 40 urls,. some of them are neuert, thomasmullert, javierpastorie, idk theres 40 sldkfjsg anyway, this post isn’t about her being racist or transphobic like most other callout posts about her detail. You can check those out here and here.

No, this post is about how manipulative and gross she is and how she continues to spoonfeed bullshit about me to all of her 15 year old friends.

When lisa and I first met, I had barely been a football blog. I used to be a popular humor blogger and I started football blogging on accident really, about halfway through last season I noticed people posted pictures and gifs of diego on here when he was at chelsea so I followed a bunch of chelsea blogs to keep the constant flow of daddie diego goin. One of them was raegan danialves (deactivated i think?) 

Anyway, thru raegs I met lisa, and we jived pretty well at first. She sent me a couple messages and we always joked about and had fun and she asked for my number so I was like sure and gave it to her.

Our relationship was fine at first, we talked all the time and we would be joking around and we both liked bayern so we would send eachother funny pictues of pep and whatever. I noticed eventually tho that we would constantly get into fights, about literally everythinG?? And usually she would start the fights and when I got mad she would change the subject or play the victim and act like I was the one who was always picking fights.

For example, she would always be saying all kinds of rude shit to me and talking about how she hoped diego died and how much better off the world would be and I wasn’t allowed to get mad at her but if I even said I didn’t really like how much arjen robben dives she would go OFF on a rant about how I’m making fun of her nt and how I’m hurting her feelings and all this shit like w/e anyway go off lisa. Everything is fine when you do it but when I do it its wrong lmao.

FAstforward, posts were being made by people like SCott and CAro and other people about the nasty shit lisa has done like making racist and trasphobic remarks (see attached posts) but I didn’t know any of that was going on bc I didn’t follow very many football blogs. Like 6 chelsea blogs and lisa and two madridistas. She would always be crying to me about how much she gets bullied on here and how she hates it and I would be trying to comfort her bc I cared about her, y’know. I’ll come back to this later.

Let me start describing the ways in which she was manipulative and emotionally abusive. She would get mad at me for talking to other poeple more than her, people I was closer friends with like dana @lucasvazquez and marta @marcelitovieira (two of my best friends who I would probaly die for tbh) and she was like guilttrip me into not talking to them 

like..what am I supposed to drop everyone I talk to and just be friends with you? ANyway. After all of this went on we would continue fighting almost daily, like we were. Everything I did was wrong to her. Even my breathing was wrong. She would tell me how much she loves me yet yell at me for lierally everything.

She was really depressed for like a week or so and didn’t talk to me very much so I took it upon me to take action and I contact Scott to ask him to apologize to her. (THIS is actually the reason she hates me.) I messaged scott @serdartasci on here and asked him if I could speak to him on kik, he accepted and we talked for a few hours about nothing in particular before I dived into the heart of what I wanted. I asked him if he would apologize to lisa for “bullying” her. I thought it would make her feel better. Lisa didn’t like that evidently lmao because she went off on me as usual 

to spare you a bunch more screenshots, basically she kept telling me I betrayed her and stabbed her in the back and that it was the most disrespectful thing she’d ever seen in her life.

Keep in mind, again, I did it because I thought it would make her feel better. Scott during all of this did not say a single bad thing to me about her or anything she had done. At this point I still don’t know about all the racist stuff, and scott didn’t tell me. Scott was very respectful and kind, he wasn’t anythign like she described him i.e. two faced, cold, picks on people on the internet, has no respect for anyone loves to bully people.

Scott is one of the sweetest, most caring people I’ve ever met tbh. Keep that in mind, that’ll be important later.

Back to what I was saying, this chain of events triggered lisa to unfollow me and refollow me 3 or 4 times, telling me that she loved me and didn’t wanna lose me and then turning around and telling me to go to scott since I like him so much.

theres a lot more of thse, this went on for like two or three days and lisa would keep guiltripping me into blocking him and stuff and at this point I really didn’t want to? Scott was kind. He was patient, he never yelled at me and AGAIN, he didn’t sway a single bad thing about lisa this entire time we were talking. If anything he kept telling me that I shouldn’t keep talking to him if it’s gonna upset her and I was like ok. I didn’t listen to him but anyway lmao lisa ended up being like

and i was like ok glad thats over. but ti wasn’t over bc she messaged me again like two hours later and was like “ok fine be friends with him bc i dont wanan lose u its not worth it i love u so much mins” and i was like ok…….

then AGAIN the very next day, after she just told me she was fine if i was friends with him and. hh im tired of adding screenshots but i have them all if y’all need proof, anyway i asked her why she keeps trying to guilttrip me into dropping him when she has other friends are are friends with him and she was like um who and when i named off like three people she changed the subject and was like “anyway blah blah bye” and stopped talking to me again and I was like ok.

She messaged me again the next day and asked if I was still talking to scott and I was like yes I like him he is my friend lisa and then she got even more pissed off and started cussing me out and I was like

I literally explained to her I didn’t wanna be her friend anyumore bc I was tired of her constalty yelling at me and that me and scott got along well.

Her last words to me were this

lmfao rude ass bitch.

So anyway. This is why lisa hates me. 

So @ all y’all little girls in the group chats with her who listen to her stories about how I bullied her for hours until she deleted and how I told her to die and sent her anons can get your fucking heads out of my ass.

She tries to befriend all of my close friends on here and talks shit about me to them and tells them lies about me and my friends. Scott has apologized to her multiple times and never says anything bad about her yet she constnatly talks about him STILL, like almost a year after everything happened and when he literally never makes posts about her.

when she was catfishing as emma she sent marta this

I never said but now that you mention, I do hope you die Lisa :)

and incase y’all donm’t believe that lisa was catfishing as emma

ok anyway im tired of typing so if u wanna know anything else or have questions feel free to message me :)

someone @ that rafaelangelo thing that’s 20 feet up lisas ass so she can fuck off and stop talkin shit about me too thanks

On Fannish Identity

I was thinking today of my impulse to keep my RL identity separate from my fannish one. An impulse that feels instinctive and ingrained, nearly a decade into my involvement in fandom. And one that I’m not sure I’ve ever stopped to truly examined. Where, exactly, does this come from? What, exactly, do I think would happen if I just posted all this stuff online with my real name? The thing I was most worried about was whether I keep them separate out of some internalized guilt over fanfiction as a hobby. Like, even though I adore fanfiction and will defend it to the death, is my secretiveness about it nevertheless a manifestation of the idea that it isn’t something worthwhile and valuable? 

I posed the question to my Twitter list, curious, and got a gamut of differing results, which leads me to believe that, like most things, there is no one cause to my (or anyone else’s) impulse to do this and that it’s multilayered and complex. 

I do think, though, that some of it is connected to the fact that, for the most part, the world outside fandom still sees fanfiction as being entirely pornographic. Just as I wouldn’t really list on Facebook all of the porn I downloaded on the Internet last night, I don’t list the fics I’ve read for fear people will understand that to be the equivalent. And that’s annoying to me, because I think that misconception is at the root of so many of the negative attitudes toward fanfiction. Yes, it doesn’t help that the creators of fic are typically not heterosexual cisgender males, whose sexual desires are glorified all over the place in our society, but it also doesn’t help that, even to the extent that people might be persuaded to value fic, you have to overcome the idea that it’s all just an excuse for really graphic and titillating sex. Not to belittle that as a goal in and of itself, because, you know, more power to titillating sex (as long as it’s consensual, of course), but I just wish it was allowed to run the gamut the way all other forms of popular culture are, from the graphic and titillating to the quality. I wish I didn’t feel like I was surprising people when I tell them I read fanfiction because there are *good stories.* I wish I didn’t feel like people looked at me like I was talking about the articles in “Playboy” (which I can’t deliver a verdict on, honestly). Like, “Uh-huh, sure, ‘good stories,” ::Eamesian eyebrow waggle::

So I think, in the same way we tend not to broadcast our sexual activities in larger societal contexts (I’m a New England Puritan, so I am ALL FOR that), we feel forced not to talk about fic for fear people would view it as the equivalent. And, in that respect, I’m not sure it’s that far off writing erotica. You tell people you write, and that’s acceptable, and you hope they don’t ask for details. 

But I was also wondering if, in and among the feeling of condemnation, there mightn’t also be a good impulse there, among some of us, to try and claim some kind of semi-private realm of our own. It’s difficult to do in this society, and maybe a failing effort, and God knows it’s hard for me to get up on that soapbox while drafting a blog entry for strangers to read, but every act of writing bares a piece of your soul. Not just fic, but blog entries like this, Tweets, even Facebook statuses. The act of writing, to a lot of us, is like having to strip off clothing. We do it, because we’re seeking connection with others, but maybe the reason I have an impulse to try to keep parts of my life separate from other parts of my life is because I want a little more control over who gets to see which bits of my soul. 

When I was a lawyer, I remember my therapist telling me that my problem was that I couldn’t compartmentalize work. His recommendation was that I meditate for five minutes upon arriving at the office and upon leaving the office, in an attempt to trigger my brain to shift into and out of work mode and claim some space for itself. Maybe that’s part of what’s behind the maintenance of separate identities, too. I feel like Facebook thinks there’s something inherently sketchy about it, but I feel like maybe it’s just that who you are is different depending on the context, and I’m not sure there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, I think I prefer that, tbh. I work with my colleagues; I don’t want to feel married to them; so I expect that who they are as a husband is different than who they are as a co-worker (and had better be). 

And maybe, upon further not-terribly-thought-through consideration, this *is* connected to the issue of being an effective minority in the mainstream society, whether that’s gender or race or sexuality, etc. Maybe minorities get more used to having to play parts. I was keenly aware that I made conscious choices to “think like the guys would” when I was a law firm lawyer. That’s probably part of why I was so depressed, because I never felt like me, and so I needed to push that work part of me aside. There’s probably some of that for all of us, and it’s not as acceptable to be who we are, because we’re not part of the majority, so we’re used to compartmentalizing, and if we didn’t do it, we’d never get to be fully us? I don’t want to speak for everyone on this (or anything), but it’s something that’s just occurred to me. 

And, specifically from a woman’s POV, I have consistently read articles about the additional demands on a woman’s time, from free emotional labor to being expected to juggle a level of commitment not expected of men. Maybe my impulse is partly me trying to carve out a space free of the expectations of who I’m supposed to be. Maybe, I think, a good thing. 

[160402] Teen Top Red Point Live in NYC Fan Account

i really wanted make a good fan account of teen top concert but im still in post concert exhaustion/depression stage… so ill gonna bullet point things i remember…..

  • they came out for the rehearsal like ethereal beings. i saw ricky first and was in awe HE WAS STUNNING. 
  • they looked tired, but they are more beautiful and handsome in real life than in any pictures ive ever seen
  • changjo wore a white tee and black pants HE LOOK SO GOOD BOOTY AND BOOP AND ALL. he also had a nice middle part!! (i usually dont prefer changjo in middle parts but it was perfect length he looked so hot i was not okay)
  • cap wore expensive trash bag during rehearsal 
  • they performed im sorry and dont i for rehearsal and answer 3 question and were very confused bc organizers suck!!!!
  • during ‘don’t i’ rehearsal i saw changjo body roll on the ground i was so???/???/???!!?! is this real??/ is he real??/? it was SO HOT I REALLY WISH I WAS RECORDING 
  • chunstra happened!!! tlist literally FLAGGED chunji down to pick kettle for Q&A !!! After he saw us waving our hands and pointing at kestra HE PICKED HER WHEN HE WAS ABOUT TO PICK SOMEONE ON OPPOSITE SIDE OF CROWD SCREAMS #CHUNSTRAISREAL
  • they were walking on the balcony btw the rehearsal and the show… changjo looked down at us and saluted…i cry asjdhk
  • the mics were horrible and the sound went out during ah ah, they all were giggling/smiling and angels started singing along to make up for it and they picked up right where they left off perfectly… amazing they are amazing
  • uhhh my eyes were pretty much glued to ricky and changjo the entire night they perform so well they are so fun to watch!!!!!
  • i lost 75% of my voice to just ricky alone bc i wanted him to know i loved him and he deserves the world
  • i have to tell a thing about ricky… u could tell he was really tired, but my friend nao wore a cute ricky headband. her and i were literally screaming for him the whole night and i think it made him really happy and his energy got higher and higher throughout the night. he gave every performance and dance 200%. if the world was a perfect place everyone would be a ricky stan. 
  • during a talk ricky said he was enjoying the show bc of our energy and i was so :’) 
  • during ‘i wanna love’ ricky was on our side of the stage. so ofc i waved my light stick and called out his name… he saw and made small eye contact with me… THEN HE NODDED AND POINTED AT ME like “Yes Hello i see you”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i then proceeded to scream bloody murder and died lmao. my whole night was made with that one gesture. i love ricky so much words cannot describe. he had incredible fan service throughout the entire concert!
  • my fancam from when ricky pointing at me is on twitter here :’)
  • its also at 1:46 of this video if anyone cares at all :’)
  • ummm they are so in synch i swear to god in my  ‘warning sign’ fan cam ( they jump in perfect synchronization i shed tears
  • during ‘i wanna love’ ljoe made a heart (i think he thought it was the end of the song heh) but it wasn’t the end so he got a little embarrassed and started smiling/laughing and chunji saw it too and laughed at him… SO CUTE
  • ricky RIPPED HIS PANTS like 4 songs in and had to go change!!!!! GOD BLESS THOSE THIGHS!!!! 
  • ljoe said to us “you know you guys are still………. pretty!” (gross)
  • cap’s solo was really hot i literally just stood there like “is this really happening??” he covered action bronson’s ‘baby blue’ and said ‘bitch’ multiple times i loved it he is very charismatic when he raps!!!!! he wore a comfy oversized sweater and looked Good. after baby blue he took it off but there was tee shirt under so sad
  • changjo performed ‘i fancy u’ by crush and killed it and also killed me!!! it was literally the highlight of the concert. his voice was amazing he did high notes and all so perfectly… he did a little shoulder roll ;;;; and little bit of rapping it was so HOT HES THE BEST
  • idk which song it was but ricky took a fan’s phone and took selcas. he tried to give it back to her but he couldn’t reach past the barricade haha. chunji had to lend him a hand while he reached over and returned the phone… i love chunrick :’)
  • i teared up during ‘cry’ bc it was beautiful, teen top is so beautiful
  • i also cried bc they showed a VCR of their practice footage and with a message that said “thank you for your support we promise to come back and give you a better performance” “pls be happy til we meet again” then the tears hit me….bc they make me so happy i was very emotional
  • at the end niel said merry christmas to us…. and changjo said good morning…. so cute;;
  • i stood behind ricky during the photo session…i was so starstruck. he was literally perfect and so sweet. his face is baby face, but very handsome with flawless soft skin;;;; he literally turned around in his seat to say ‘hello’ i said ‘hi’ really nervously back at him then i looked at changjo who was sitting right beside him… changjo was so big and beautiful i love his face. he has such nice bone structure;; so handsome. then i was said “ricky i love you so much” then he looked at me like “oooo hehe thank you” KAJShdlksj
  • when we took the picture ricky wasn’t facing forward he was turned half way in this seat and im so nervous to see how the family photo turns out aslkdjhask
  • niel was first for hitouch which overwhelmed me, istg he is so beautiful…. tbh the first things i noticed was his LIPS and his pretty almond shaped eyes!!
  • then it was chunji who looked like a porcelain doll he was literally glowing i dont understand how one can be that beautiful
  • when i went to hi-five ljoe, he was so c*te…. he was smiling at me and i just froze and i think i told him i loved him bc im gross. his skin looked so smooth i couldnt look at him for long bc he was very attractive (i hate him)
  • caps tattoos were really hot thats all i remember lmao 
  • i really dont remember my hitouch with changjo or ricky at all and it makes me so sad its all a blur bc i was so nervous :( but i told them both i loved them i touched their hands a little longer bc i didnt wanna leave :(
  • all i remember was changjo’s hands were really big and soft
  • all of teen top’s hands were soft!!!
  • in conclusion i love teen top with every fiber of my being they deserve the world and more…. so polite, so sweet, amazing live performers… just…. AMAZING. if you ever get the chance to see these boys live 10/10 would highly recommend!!!!!!