then one foggy christmas eve santa came to say

rudolph the marxist reindeer

then one foggy christmas eve santa came to say, “rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
and rudolph was like, “actually no, i’ve been doing some reading and i realized i don’t need to be a cog in your capitalist machine. i know i have inherent worth despite being ostracized by my peers for my inability to conform. i’m going to go free the elf labor you’re exploiting, later bourgeois trash”

an evaluation of rudolph

so my boyfriend brought up the fact that if rudolph’s nose was shiny then that would imply that is doesn’t emit light, it reflects it. like a diamond.

which got me thinking about the song

rudolph the red nosed reindeer

had a very shiny nose

aha, shiny i see. so like a well polished ruby.

and if you ever saw it

you would even say it glows

“you would even” this implied that if it glows, it’s debatable. perhaps if you saw it with a good light source nearby you might mistake it as emitting its own light.

all of the other reindeer

used to laugh and call him names

they never let poor rudolph

join in any reindeer games

yo FUCK those reindeer. fuckin bullies. fuck off. but i digress.

then one foggy christmas eve

santa came to say

rudolph with your nose so bright

won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?

a big mistake st. nick. you are one of the unfortunate individuals who happened to be near a decent source of light that rudolph’s nose REFLECTED. in a thick fog where there is no light, rudolph’s nose would come of no use to you.

then how the reindeer loved him

as they shouted out with glee

rudolph the red nosed reindeer

you’ll go down in history

it’s safe to assume that these two-faced bigoted reindeer were celebrating before santa and his reindeer actually took off. maybe rudolph was too caught up in finally being accepted that he did not wish to clear up the misunderstanding. “you’ll go down in history” actually implies that rudolph’s misinterpreted nose inevitably caused tragedy. santa and his reindeer died crashing into some unseen landform during a thick fog. perhaps they crashed into the same iceberg that sank the titanic. the song does not clarify.

all we know is that after this tragic incident, christmas had to live on. so the parents took up the job in developing a conspiracy to hide the truth- that santa is dead and it’s all because rudolph was a fraud with a nose that merely reflected light, not glowed.

Oh, then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say (hey Rudolph)
Rudolph, with your nose so bright,
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight

Then how the reindeer loved him,
As they shouted out with glee…
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
You ll go down in history
You ll go down in history
Hey Rudolph

(Jackson 5 - Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer)

10
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. 
And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows.
All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say:
“Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Then all the reindeer loved him as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you’ll go down in history!

Rudolph the red nosed pudu had a very shiny nose

And if you ever saw it you would even say it glows

All of the other pudus used to laugh and call him names

They never let poor pudu join in any pudu games

Then one foggy christmas eve, santa came to say

Pudu with your nose so bright won’t you drive my sleigh tonight

Then all the pudus loved him, and they showed out with glee

Rudolph the red nosed pudu, you’ll go down in history!!