then i said f it

8

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND OPEN!”

gif request meme » Borderlands + favorite minor character

She sat by the ocean for hours smoking cigarettes with her best friend. It was around 3 am, her mile-long legs were crossed, she smiled and tossed her phone into the sand, “F*ck him, I’m legendary.” she said, as the smoke leapt from the end of her cigarette. Her friend laughed, “That’s pure poetry.” she replied as she took the last sip of rosé they’d been drinking straight from the bottle.
—  riley b.
8

“Please don’t forget us. Keep us alive in your hearts, and tell your children of the wonders that once were. On behalf of the crew of the Normandy SR-2, this is Liara T'Soni signing off.”

Mass Effect: Andromeda Appreciation
Day 4: Moments that made you cry : References about the Reaper attack in the Milky Way

The mad bartender.

God I spent countless hours as a teen playing on a heavily modded and roleplay enforced ultima online server. I played Cedric Sartone, simple farmer turned tavern owner who eventually turned it into THE BEST PLACE IN TOWN. It was poppin every night, I was buddies with every adventurer, soldier, mage, druid, and ranger that played the game. After they went out and grinded their skills and did their quests, I was waiting for them with a warm fire and plenty of ale. I’d buy their ingredients and make awesome food and booze (max level cooking!) and was privy to all the gossip.

Little did they know I had a side hobby, I was brewing massive amounts of the most gamebreakingly toxic poison possible. For over a year I roleplayed with these people as a simple barman, pretended to be their friend and confidant, and then during a harvest festival where every player on our server was in attendance and I was payed to provide the food and drink… I poisoned every last morsel of food, every drop of drink and after the reagent delivered his speech and all of these fools raised their goblets for the toast and took that deadly sip, I stepped onto the stage and revealed what had happened. They where all going to die, and die they did.

Now this was a permanent death server (hardcore rpers mind you) and some had been playing those characters for 8 years and there they all were, collapsed and dying. Soon they were all unconscious, as you could only die if you went unconscious three times in one day or if a certain psychotic bartender came and cut off your head… which I did to every player in our group of 38. They were all there, and unfortunately so was I.

Revenge against what, you ask?

So the server had a pretty strict policy regarding pvp and pk, essentially the GMs had to determine if there was in character justification for any instance of disputed player killing, obviously my situation prompted a call for an investigation. I understood those rules from the start though, and I kept a written log in the game where I detailed my character’s building hatred of every single other player character in the world. He would keep track of every little thing from petty slights, to unpaid tabs, but more importantly I adopted the little mannerisms that people roleplayed to develop their characters into the madness of mine.

So Elias was always whistling, well I recorded how infuriating Cedric found it in his journal, and soon he had multiple journals packed full of a thousand reasons an unstable maniac could use to justifiably (re: server rules) murder anyone. The reagent who was also the server admin had some ornate cloak with a custom texture, so I wrote like three pages about how pompous it was, and extrapolated what kind of insufferable prick he must have been for wearing it.

I would just write one or two things down every day for over a year, so I had many books full for the GMs to locate in the tavern basement and read through. The result was that they found my massacre to be in good form and in-character, so the server was not rolled back and instead they decided to reset and implement a new landmass they had been working on. Some people were really pissed off, mostly a handful of the veteran players who had been top dog for several years in their little gladiator arena.

I only did any of it because my first character was murdered by some overzealous asshole who just used his character to project his inferiority complex. He killed me on my second day on the server because I wandered into the funeral of his friend (it was taking place in the middle of town and there was a crowd, of course I was curious) and because I was not invited and he was a known prick it was found justifiable for his character to kill mine because of the emotional turmoil blah blah. So yeah I said f*ck that, and rolled a new character who was ostensibly eager to please and non-threatening. I won.

Just like video games have adjustable gameplay difficulty settings, they should also have adjuatable foul language settings. All the violence stays the same, but when the bad guys get shot they just go “OH JEEPERS” or “MY GOOD SIR”

Whipped Cream

Y/N has created a chatroom.

Y/N has added Sam, Bucky, and Tony.

Y/N: Now which one of you little pricks, put whipped cream all over my bedroom?

Sam: First of all,

Sam: RUDE.

Bucky: What is whipped cream?

Y/N: Oh don’t fuck with me now, Barnes.

Tony has added Steve

Tony: Cap, she said the f word.

Tony: For the record Y/N, I am deeply disappointed that the first suspect would be the three of us.

Steve: Can you PLEASE shut the fuck up already?

Y/N: OOOHHHHHHHHHH SHITTTTT.

Y/N has added Scott, T’Challa, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Peter.

Y/N: GET THE POPCORNS GUYS. THIS IS GETTING GOOD.

T’Challa: At least he has enough manners to ask nicely.

Sam: BURN BABY, BUUUURN.

Bucky: Quick, we gotta cool him down.

Bucky has left the chat

Sam: Never thought I’ll say this, but.

Sam: WAIT FOR ME.

Sam has left the chat.

T’Challa: But one Civil war was more than enough for my taste,

T’Challa: So I want no part in this one.

T’Challa has left the chat.

Clint: What I retire for 2 minutes and you guys start throwing fire at Stark? C’mon give him a break, you see he’s old.

Natasha has joined the chat.

Nat: Why are Sam and Bucky running around the tower spilling water everywhere?

Nat: Oh.

Tony: Thanks buddy, I wonder how many times you’ll come back from your retirement once I disable those fingers.

Clint has been disconnected.

Tony has left the chat.

Wanda: DANG it, I was really getting into it.

Scott: Guys, now I am scared.

Scott: Clint and Tony are running around the tower throwing things at each other.

Steve: Guys, seriously we should stop them, before they wreck everything.

Peter: Uh, yeah I agree with Mr. Rogers.

Wanda: I dare you to stop them, and I promise you that your worst nightmare will seem like the sweetest dream.

Y/N: YOU GO GIRL.

Steve: No need to get violent.

Scott: Since we’re not allowed to stop them,

Scott: Does anyone wanna go with me and record this?

Nat: Let’s go, tiny.

Scott: For the record I am not that tiny

Scott: I mean you all saw me.

Nat: You coming or nah?

Nat has left the chat.

Scott: On my way, Mrs grumpy kills.

Scott has left the chat.

Sam has joined the chat.

Sam: For the record, I am team Clint.

Sam has left the chat.

Y/N: SAMEE

Wanda: Hell yeah.

Thor has joined the chat.

Thor has added Bruce.

Thor: I am pleased to see that they don’t require our help.

Bruce: Civil war, part two.

Bruce: Unbelievable.

Bruce has left the chat.

Steve: Well I know for sure I am not just gonna sit here while they wreck the whole place down.

Steve has left the chat.

Y/N: There goes Mama Steve.

Wanda: Always so careful of its little ones.

Peter: Guys, I think we should help him.

Y/N: YOU ARE NO FUN PARKER.

Peter has left the chat.

Wanda: I gotta go, gotta find Pietro, I haven’t seen him for a while.

Wanda has left the chat.

Y/N: Wait a minute

Y/N: Oh you smooth motherfuckers.

Thor: It is not suitable for one lady to have filthy mouth like that.

Y/N: can’t you see what they just did?

Thor: Wreck the Avengers Tower?

Y/N: Yeah that too,

Y/N: BUT THEY DISTRACTED ME AND I HAVEN’T FOUND OUT WHO WRECKED MY ROOM IN THE END.

Thor: Well, Lady Y/N, I might be of some help there.

Y/N: WAIT WHAT?

Y/N: YOU KNEW WHOLE THIS TIME WHO DID IT AND YOU ONLY SPEAK NOW?

Thor: Now it seems like a good time, yeah.

Y/N: THEN TELL ME ALREADY

Thor: But don’t tell him I told you

Y/N: oh what are we 12 now? SPEAK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Thor: It was Bucky and Sam.

Y/N: OHHH THOSE TWO MOTHERFUCKERS ARE DEAD ONCE I CATCH THEM.

Y/N has left the chat.

Thor: Such a nice lady with such a filthy mouth.

Thor: I would rethink bringing her to meet my mother.

Thor has left the chat.


This is my first avengers chatroom, hope you like it.

4

that’s it, that’s the whole show

in 50 years
  • Me: Gather around children, grandma has a story to tell you
  • Me: It was a Tuesday; October 27, 2015. F(x) released their best album. It was called... 4 Walls...
  • Grandchildren: This story again Grandma!?
  • Me: You exist because I exist and I'm alive because of them so sit down and shut up
  • Me: Okay so, it was October 27, 2015...
Surprise, you're pregnant!

Freshman year of college, my university had a requirement to live in an on campus dorm room (think room size of 12ftx10ft) with a roommate. I found a roommate, and we got along fine until he started dating this girl who lived a few floors below us.

Eventually, she ended up spending every night in our room and moved her toothbrush and towel up to our room as well. It annoyed the shit out of me, but since I was a naive freshman and this was my first time living out of the house I put up with it.

Finally, one night I asked my roommate if his girlfriend could not spend the night since I had a test the next morning for my 8am class, and I was trying to sleep early. Well at 12:15am she walks in and wakes me up.

I was furious so the next day I drove to the store and bought a pregnancy test. I took it apart, faked the results to say positive, and left it on his desk in our room. When he got back that night, my roommate freaked out and started calling his girlfriend. I was pretty satisfied about those 20 minutes of sheer terror I cause him.

Also one night she was trying to stay in our room when my roommate was gone. I texted him “what the f*ck” and he said, “ just act like she isn’t there” so I waited for her to fall asleep and then brought a bunch of people from around the dorm into the room, turned all the lights on, and started blasting music.