Okay so, I tried to keep this private last night, because I know that in no way this represents the whole of DEH stans, but I need to say this.
Last night I had the honor of seeing Dave Malloy as Pierre in Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812. Personally, it is my favorite show of the season, and the ticket was an end of term present to myself. (If you want a review of the show message me it was fantastic.)
Now, Dear Evan Hansen is in the theatre directly next to TGC. Normally that wouldn’t be an issue, but when I came out to the stage door last night, there was a handful of DEH fans who were being extremely rude and pushy to those of us standing in line for TGC. One girl wouldn’t stop getting in peoples faces talking about how TGC was going to lose, and the whole group (around 5 people from what I could see) was yelling and shouting for the 15 minutes I stood in line (I had paintings to drop off with the doorman.)
This is not what love of theatre is about. Tearing down another show, or even fans of other shows, is not the spirit of theatre. DEH is ABOUT the perils of bullying and ostracization, and to see this group of people acting so horribly made me incredibly angry.
Theatre is supposed to be a family, this is a small community, and if you are going to thrive off of being hurtful, hateful, and cruel, you don’t belong anywhere near it.
Y’all know my obsession with mer!Stiles but what about professional merman!Stiles and single dad!Derek whose little girl is obsessed with mermaids?
Derek understands it’s probably not healthy to try indulge all of his daughter’s impossible wishes, but she rarely asks for anything and if she wants a mermaid for her 6th birthday he’s going to find a way to make it happen.
Enter Stiles - professional merman. Derek isn’t exactly sure if a dude is quite what his daughter wants in a mermaid but between not wanting to ruin the surprise and the fact she pretty much squeals MERMAID!! MERMAID!! MERMAID!! when she sees anything that even slightly resembles a fish, he thinks a guy will be fine.
Derek is expecting…well, he’s not actually sure what he’s expecting. Do professional mermaids grow up wanting to be professional mermaids or does the job just come with a particular…lifestyle, like surfers and lifeguards and people way too obsessed with Disney? Whoever Derek is expecting to show up at his door though, it certainly isn’t someone who greets him by saying, “holy shit, you’re gorgeous” followed by “wait, I mean…holy shit you’re gorgeous.” Derek hasn’t felt his cheeks turn red since he was fifteen, which is why he’s totally not to blame when all he manages to say in return is, “do you come with your own tail?”
“Why, you planning on supplying one for me, big guy? I do have my own tail but if kitting me out in a different one is something you’re into….” he winks, like he was fucking born to, and for a moment Derek is kind of terrified he’s accidentally hired a hooker who thinks Derek has a weird mermaid fetish.
“Um…no….that’s….okay.” He swears he used to have better game than this. Not that he’s trying to flirt with Stiles. He hired him for his daughter’s birthday party, for fuck’s sake. There are rules. He’s almost certain.
“Great, well, if you could just lead me to the pool….” Stiles squints. “You….do have a pool, right? Once someone hired me to sit in a bathtub all day and while you might think getting paid to sit around in bathtub all day is the world’s best job, believe me when I say it’s not.”
Half an hour later, Derek blushes again - this is really getting out of hand - when Stiles knocks on his back door, panting, “okay, so, I know my website says professional and please trust me when I say I am but…could you help me get my tail on? Usually I have my buddy Scott to help me set up but it’s his anniversary today and, well,” he shrugs. Derek doesn’t stop blushing for the rest of the day, in fact. Especially during lunch when the kids go inside to watch The Little Mermaid and Stiles flops up onto the pool side, the moles scattered all down his neck and chest doing funny things to Derek under the glare of the sun. Not even the way Stiles’ nose starts to burn puts him off. All it does is force Derek outside, awkwardly standing over Stiles, shyly holding out some sunscreen.
It doesn’t help that Stiles is perfect with the kids, either. No question is too silly for him and he even manages to coax his daughter’s friend Isaac to the edge of the pool even though Isaac is frightened of mermaids and the only reason he came today is because his daughter promised to hold his hand all day and protect him (which Derek noted fondly Isaac couldn’t stop talking about all week, according to his older brother).
The real problem starts, however, when his daughter asks Stiles if he will fall in love with her daddy because her daddy deserves true love because he’s he bestest daddy in the whole world and mermaids always always make sure when they fall in love it’s the “big explody” kind of love, right? You’re not an evil mermaid, are you Stiles? You won’t try to drown my daddy if he kisses you, will you?
“No, sweetheart, I won’t drown your daddy if he tries to kiss me.” He looks over at Derek, waggling his eyebrows. Derek, god help him, has never been so endeared in his life.
“See, daddy,” his daughter yells, putting her hands on her hips. “I told you.”
Stiles bites down on a laugh and Derek crosses his arms, raises an eyebrow at her. “Lacy, what have I told you about trying to set daddy up with strangers?”
“But Stiles isn’t a stranger, daddy. He’s got a tail.”
Derek sighs, leading Lacy into the house. “I’m sure Stiles already has a lovely mer…person waiting for him at home.”
“You won’t ever find love if you don’t take a chance, daddy,” Lacy pouts, sounding scarily like Erica whenever they get onto the topic of his love life (which is horribly frequent these days).
“Yeah,” Stiles call after them, “take a chance, daddy! I promise, we merfolk don’t bite.” He pauses. “Much.” He winks and Derek blushes for probably the 100th time that day.
He hates everything.
Except, he really doesn’t because after putting Lacy to bed, he comes back down stairs to find Stiles’ number on the envelope of cash he had left out for Stiles to take.
We merfolk don’t have use for money but if you want to buy me dinner some time, we do like to eat.
P.S. Curly fries are optional but highly encouraged.
P.P.S. If you bring me this money instead of curly fries, this relationship is not going to work.
(Spoiler alert: Derek doesn’t bring Stiles his money. Instead he puts it in a box, still inside the envelope, which neither of them touch until Stiles proposes five years later when they use it to buy celebratory engagement pizza and that fancy ice cream that Lacy loves so much - which she henceforth insists on calling “finally ice cream” because, well…..finally.)
Hey I want to preface this by saying I’m a good person and I don’t deserve this
Yesterday I made chicken tortilla soup because I thought that would be fun and I cut up a jalapeno for it
BY THE BY I’ve been eating jalapenos my whole life I guess I’ve just never??? Cut up a raw jalapeno before????
The whole story occurred after midnight on a fucking Tuesday (I guess Wednesday morning)
My left thumb and pointer finger started stinging like all hell like at first I thought I could ignore it but it just kept on burning. My first instinct was to dunk my hand in a cup of milk and that is exactly what I did
But when I took my hand out of the milk it was still on fire so I googled my situation and LET ME TELL YOU GUYS this is a WELL KNOWN mistake known as “hot pepper hands” and it is exactly what it sounds like
Things that are supposedly remedies for hot pepper hands:
(I say supposedly because, spoiler, none of them worked for me)
Make baking soda/water paste, put on hands, let dry,
Wash with Dawn or other dishsoap that is better at cutting through oils
Scrub with olive oil and THEN Dawn
This one actually managed to spread the pain to most of the rest of my left hand, leaving only my pinky finger safe from the burning fires of hell
and THEN there is one “SOLUTION” which says you should put your hand in hot water to “open your pores” to “let the poison out” or whatever and THEN scrub with olive oil and wash
everyone that gave this as a solution noted that putting your hand in hot water while it’s being eaten away with acid is super painful but they’re all just like “it’s for the greater good, good luck!”
so I’m like…
AND THEN I DUNK MY HAND IN A BOWL OF HOT WATER AND I SCREEEEEEEEEEAM
and i hold it in the hot water for a full minute
IT DOESN’T WORK
I DO IT A SECOND TIME
S C R E E E E A M
(my roommate was very concerned at the scream and at being asked to pour olive oil on my hand since it’s hard to maneuver around the kitchen one-handed, trying not to poison any surface with the poison of a thousand suns)
literally it was like that scene in fight club with the lye and ed norton just having to watch his hand sizzle
Another “solution” to the problem was phrased like this:
wear gloves, idiot
My hands are still burning but I’m like jesus h motherfuck it is 2 AM i will just try to sleep and suffer but 10 minutes later I think I am about to just die like this is it, a single jalapeno is going to consume my flesh, starting with my left hand and eventually reaching my heart
gotta give it to the jalapenos they are fighters
didn’t think they were dangerous! but they are
wear gloves idiot
So I went to the fridge and put a bunch of ice cubes in a bag and I just held it in my hand and fell asleep like that, like with a little ice pack teddy bear giving me blissful relieving numbness
Ice is a fucking blessing and don’t you forget it, humankind’s greatest achievement is inventing a machine that will allow us, with some foresight, to have ice on hand whenever the fuck we need it I mean do you realize how amazing that is???? To have a freezer???? To have air conditioning!!!!!
So the icepack melted and my hand was still burning at 4am which is when I woke up from the pain and went to make myself another ice pack. Hours later the ice pack had melted again and my hand felt way WAY better but my pillow was soaked. Doesn’t matter it was a fucking relief to wake up and realize my hand had not been melted by acid.
tldr: never cut a hot pepper with your bare hands!!!!
Surveillance video shows a possible alien abduction. A man walks out of a gate and disappears into a bright light. He appears again two hours later in the fetal position, vomits, and then staggers away.
This video along with an anonymous letter was sent in to the T.V show “Paranormal Borderline.”The letter stated that the man in the video quit his job soon after the incident. The video was sent to experts who believe it to be genuine.
When An Ex Tries To Get Back With His Pregnant Wife (Mafia AU, Requested)
You and Namjoon took a stroll through Seoul, his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. It wasn’t often he could publicly go out with you for fear of someone harming you. With both of you dressed in masks and hats, adding sunglasses for extra measure, you took a morning walk to fetch baby supplies.
Namjoon hated when you hid your bump even if it wasn’t on purpose. So when you shrugged on the long black rain coat, he pouted in an adorable fashion.
Your thoughts fled you when you spotted an adorable pair of bright pink VANS made for newborns. You tugged on Namjoon’s long sleeve like a child yourself.
“Hang on, I’ll go in and buy them. Why don’t you look at the clothes while you wait?” You squealed and gave him a peck on the cheek before you scanned through the children’s clothes while Namjoon checked out.
“Y/n?” That voice made you freeze. You looked over your shoulder to the man with the wide grin. It was your ex. Your first real relationship. “I haven’t seen you in years! How are you?” He moved in for a hug but a strong hand caught the collar of his jacket.
“Can I help you?” Namjoon’s voice was rough and cold, the same one used with interrogating. Your husband fitted himself tightly between you and your ex.
“It’s alright Joonie. He’s an old friend.” Namjoon relaxed under your soft touch. Before he could open his mouth to apologize, the other man had scurried off to hide. Namjoon chuckled and handed you the small bag with the shoes.
“You do realize I know that was your ex, right?”
Jin was overprotective of you during your pregnancy. Always keeping a hand on your stomach or keeping you no further than arms distance. So when you went out for an evening walk to catch some fresh air, Jin was right there. You were dressed in only his t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts.
Jin begged you to at least put on a coat but you shook your head and exited onto the street. Your penthouse apartment was in the center of the city, courtesy of Jin himself. So the street was damn near packed even at this time of night.
You had a bag of your favorite chips stuffed in one hand and shoved them in your mouth. Jin was leaning against the doorway, secretly admiring you from afar. That was until a man continually stared at you from the other side of the street.
“Y/n? Y/n L/n?” The man approached you with a warm smile: you nearly chocked on your chips. Jin knew not to be hasty, but his anger boiled. “How’s life? You look as beautiful as ever!” That’s when his gaze dropped to your stomach. “Deadbeat dad?”
Before you could answer your ex had raised his hand. “No need to explain. Why don’t I take you out for dinner. We could catch up.”
“She won’t be needing your company. Hi, I’m the deadbeat dad!” Jin wrapped his arm around you shoulder and stuck out his hand in a threatening manner. Your ex stuttered, and when Jin leaned in closer, he took off into the crowd of people.
You rolled your eyes at Jin’s behavior and kissed his throat. “Cmon “Deadbeat” let’s go back inside.“
“Yoongi, I just want some Ice Cream!” Nobody in their right mind would wake up Yoongi while he was sleeping. He was scary as hell when disturbed. But you were even scarier when you didn’t get what you wanted. It was 2am and Yoongi wouldn’t budge. Even if you knew how dangerous it was to go out alone, you were having bad cravings.
You flipped on the closet light and fished out a sweatshirt and stretchy pants. When you tried to tip-toe across the bedroom, Yoongi groaned.
“Where do you think your going?” He swung his legs over the side of the bed and ran a hand through his messy hair.
“Three words. Ice cream run.”
“Give me 5 minutes.” Five minutes it was on the dot. You were at the 24 hour supermarket and was loading the buggy with ice cream. Pickles sounded good right about now. So when Yoongi kneeled down to grab a gallon of Cookies and Cream, you snuck off to the pickles.
Of course the world had damned you and put them on the highest shelf. With one hand over your stomach, you stood on your yippie toes to reach them. A longer arm however plucked them up first. You turned to see your ex, dressed in an apron that the employees wore.
“Here you go mi- Y/n? Damn you look as fine as ever!” You clenched your teeth at his comment. His immature behavior is why you left him in the first place. He was a sleazy dog and he knew it. “You put on a few pounds but that’s alright. Why don’t you meet me after work?” He started to approach you with a wicked grin on his face.
“Back off!” Yoongi forced himself in front of you and stood at attention. You could practically see the hair on the back of his neck stand up much like a dog. “If you touch her, I’ll make sure you lose every last one of your fingers. Now give me the damn pickles.” Your ex hastily handed Yoongi the pickles and ran off in the opposite direction.
You frowned and grabbed the jar. “He got Bread and Butter…” you pouted. Yoongi just chuckled at your behavior and nuzzled the skin behind your ear.
Hoseok and you were having a lazy day. Namjoon had insisted Hoseok work from home to spend extra time with you and his unborn child. You were lazily drawing circles on your belly button, feeling the soft flutter of hiccups from your precious baby boy. Hoseok placed his hand in the same exact spot where the movement happened, and smiled with delight when a little foot pressed against his hand.
“He’s fussy today.” You groaned and placed a hand on your lower back, rolling a little to wrap a leg around Hoseok’s waist. He ha show laptop on the arm of the couch and used his other hand to rub your arm soothingly.
Your phone buzzed for the millionth time that day. You weren’t even going to look at it but Hoseok saw how your eyebrows knotted together in annoyance. “Who keeps messaging you?”
“Just one of my old exes. Don’t worry about it. I’m trying to ignore him.” Your voice grew heavy and the next time Hoseok turned to speak to you, sleep had taken over. Another ding from your phone had him narrowing his eyes. He clicked on your screen so he could view your messages. He knew you would never be unfaithful but he also knew this guy was annoying you to no end.
Rows upon rows of this guy confession to you, saying how he wanted to be with you again. Hoseok smirked to himself and opened a new tab on his computer. He’d make sure this guy never bothered you again.
An hour later, you emerged from your nap. Hoseok had placed a pillow to replace him and gave you a fuzzy blanket. The T.V remote was placed by your swollen stomach. Hoseok was most likely having a meeting with the rest of the Bangtan Members. You turned on the nightly news out of boredom and narrowed your eyes at screen.
There was your ex on the nightly news being interviewed. He was swearing up and down that his bank account was full moments ago, and that it was completely empty the next second. The headline was stated as following: “Mysterious String of Empty Bank Accounts Rising”.
You picked up your phone and sent your husband a quick text.
Jimin and you were setting on a park bench, enjoying each other’s company. The jungle gym in front of you was filled to the brim with kids. That would be your little girl some day, swinging from the handlebars while Jimin held her up so she could reach.
Jimin rubbed your belly softly. Little kicks followed the path of his hand much to his amusement, and your discomfort.
“She’s a daddy’s girl already.” Jimin kissed your lips sweetly. The chime of a bell tore your attention to the wagon filled with frozen treats.
“Jimieeee!” You pointed to the ice cream cart. Jimin shook his head with a laugh and fished out money from his pocket.
“Wait here. Chocolate right?” You nodded excitedly and watched him approach the wagon. Another figure took his seat, a man you recognized all too well.
“Chocolate Ice cream for a Y/n?” Your ex was a smug bastard, able to have his way with almost anyone. With a deep frown you tried to ignore him completely as he held out the one to you. He yelled however, when a flying stone cracked against his fingers, the ice cream splattering on the bench.
“She stopped liking your ice cream a long time ago.” Jimin grabbed your elbow and helped you to your feet. He handed you the ice cream a shot your ex a look that could kill. “As you can tell, she’s yet to have her fill of mine though.” He laid a hand on your swollen stomach and pressed a hungry kiss to your mouth.
When you parted for air your ex was gone, and Jimin was now the smug one.
“You are so dirty! Now go get my sprinkles.”
Taehyung and you were visiting the local mall to shop. Cribs of a bassinet were on today’s agenda. You ran your fingers across the fine oak of a crib, marveling at the craftsmanship. Taehyung came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your middle.
“Do you like this one?” His voice was deep yet soft. You nodded anxiously. He chuckled and lifted the box in his own two arms. “Why don’t you pick out some blankets?”
Taehyung didn’t have a budget when it came to you and his unborn baby. He’d buy you the sun and moon if it would make you happy. You had been raised with little to nothing like Tae, that’s one reason you connected.
Tae went to pay for the crib while you picked through the mint green blankets. You had yet to find out the sex of the baby, wanting to wait to be surprised. “Y/n is that you?”
Your ex stood there with an armful of children’s clothes in his arms. He was clearly a worker here. That surprised you, seeing how arrogant he was. You had expected him to be a CEO, not a worker at a baby store.
“I have nothing to say to you.” The last time you had seen your ex, he was being towed away in a cop car. He was highly abusive, verbally and physically.
“Give me one more chance-” he peered over the rack to see your stomach, 7 months full with child. “Knocked up?”
“Watch your mouth.” Taehyung dropped the box he was carrying at your feet and squared up to the man. He towered a few inches above him and his strong jaw was set.
“C'mon Tae, we don’t have time for filth like him.” You grabbed his hand and motioned for him to pick up the box and leave. Taehyung did so unwillingly. When you both made it to the car, you grabbed Tae’s cheeks and kissed him with full force of passion.
“I love you.”
Jungkook had invited you to one of his underground matches. Some might say that this was no place for a woman who was 5 months pregnant, but you loved the adrenaline. Jungkook was up next to fight and you had a front row seat.
You scanned his opponent, broad shoulders and all. He turned around to put his mouth piece in and you recognized him immediately. That was the ex.
You knew he had been a fighter, but not for underground matches like this. He must have fallen low. Unfortunately, he noticed you as well. He stripped out of his shirt and kneeled in front of you.
“Hey pretty girl. Remember me? Why don’t you congratulate the winner afterwards?” He made a V shape with his fingers and slid his thick tongue between them. You cringed at the sight and gagged. Little did he know, Jungkook was standing behind him with nostrils flares and fist clenched.
The ref called action with a blow of his whistle and you had never seen a faster fight. Jungkook threw a single punch to your ex’s skull and he was out like a light. Your husband continued to beat the bastard senseless. Blood finally spurred from his mouth and two burly men had to drag him away.
He hopped the rope and collected you in his arms. Jungkook lifted the front of your shirt and placed a sloppy kiss on your belly button. The crowd cheered on the champion and his affection towards you.
“I like his idea Y/n. Why don’t you come congratulate me in the locker room?”
Time For Bed Rated: Mature [Talking Christian into going to bed was harder than you thought]
Got a request from silexia and I thought it was super cute so here you go~ My first Christian Yu scenario~
You hated to say it, but you were happy when Christian stopped being an idol. That lifestyle was so hard on you both. The hectic work schedule, the traveling, the late night practices. It was all awful.
But he’d found a new love and passion. Editing and directing seemed to be his calling and you supported every waking moment of it. But just like his previous job, you found him staying up all night working on it.
You came home from work mid-day to find your boyfriend hard at work editing Live’s new MV, and here it was well past midnight and Christian had barely even moved. He probably wouldn’t have even eaten if you hadn’t brought him food.
Getting him to stop was going to be no easy feat. You’d been trying to for the last couple hours, and he’d always just say “Just a few more minutes Babe. I’ll be right there”
“Christian?” you knocked on his office door, poking your head inside. “I made you some tea”
He turned around giving you a tired smile, the dark bags more and more noticeable under his eyes “Thanks, Babe” he removed his headphones accepting the tea. “I just got to finish up a few more scenes and then I’ll be off to bed. Ok?” he smiled into your touch, kissing your hand. You didn’t even have to ask to be rejected anymore.
simple as the title, where your avenger boo kisses you
Bucky: Thighs. On your first few dates with him, you never pictured Bucky to be a thigh man. You more expected him to be an old fashioned kiss on the hand type, but that all went out the window the first night he slept over. He took what you thought were flaws and made them his favorite things about you. Bucky loves waking you up in the morning by trailing kisses starting at your collarbone and going all the way down to those thighs he loves. You have a small tattoo on your inner left thigh that he always traces over lightly with his fingers, and it drives you absolutely mad. When he’s had a long day of being an avenger, he loves coming home to already find you in bed. Bucky takes this time to climb into the king sized bed and rest his head on your lap, occasionally leaning over from his phone to place a kiss on your thighs and tell you little things about his day.
Steve: Forehead. It started when the two of you finally made your relationship public, and went to a baseball game together. People were around everywhere, most trying to pretend they weren’t staring as you walked to your seats hand in hand, but some were blatantly taking pictures and whispering to their friends. Steve’s grip moved to around your shoulder, and he pulled you closer to him while walking around inside the stadium. Being in the public eye wasn’t something you were used to, and Steve could tell. So instead of giving everyone a show, he sweetly placed his lips on your forehead in hopes of calming you down. After that came many more events where he did the same before you walked out into the public eye, and it stuck as a way for you to calm one another down. Plus it was a way for the two of you to avoid the whole gross PDA thing.
Natasha:Neck. It became a thing of good luck for the both of you whenever she would place a kiss on the left side of your neck before going off on a mission. You weren’t an active agent anymore, but there were times where you would be with Maria in the control room. Natasha had no shame in kissing you in front of whoever she wanted, whether it’s just the team, or on a red carpet for the whole world to see. Sometimes she would just kiss your neck out of the blue to get you flustered and red in the face. Even on game nights with the team she would lean over your lap just to get her lips on your neck before making any bets with the team, and 99% of the time her PDA payed off. Nobody in the public eye knew how much she really suffered from the trainings when she was a kid, and sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night suffering from those memories. But you were there for her, leaving kisses across her jaw and down her neck, bringing her back to reality in your arms.
Thor:Hand. Albeit cliche, he truly loves making you feel like his queen. He was raised to treat women with the utmost respect, because he understood that he wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for them. So when Thor met you, he felt as if he had cracked the code to what life is supposed to be like. Everyone knows about how bubbly he is, but he was even more so after that first look into your eyes at the Shield christmas party. When Thor wakes up in the morning, the first thing he does is bring you closer to his body and kiss your hand. It’s his way of showing how much he loves and respects you, and without being too gross with the affection. But that sure doesn’t mean that he’s afraid to be affectionate.
Tony:Chest. Tony is all about chest kisses, and he places them with such love and care. He loves leaning into your chest while you are laying on the couch or in bed after a long day of being Tony Stark. You hold his head there, softly running your fingers through his hair and stroking his cheek. He feels his safest with his lips on your chest, even safer than when he’s in the iron suit that is damn near indestructible. It momentarily dispels all negative thoughts from his mind, and leaves him with nothing but pure adoration towards you. He feels like a giant weight is lifted off his shoulders as well. It’s at that point when he turns his head and absentmindedly presses a short, chaste kiss to your skin or the fabric that covers the area.
Peter:Temple. Whether the two of you were tangled up in each other on the couch watching a movie, or silently strolling down the street hand in hand, he always pulled you into a warm hug, and pressed a sweet kiss to your temple. Whenever he was struck with the opportunity, Peter would lightly peck your temple. It helped that you happened to enjoy being kissed there just a little bit more than straight up lip-locking. He wanted to make sure you knew how much he loved and was there for you, and felt that a soft kiss on your forehead or temple was the way to do it. Sometimes you even stretched up on your tiptoes to place a kiss on his temple whenever you saw him stressing out over something, especially new mission plans. Him leaving for said missions was a new thing, so it was always a toss up of who was going to be more strung out over the job that day.
Loki:Under-jaw. The two of always spent your down time wrapped up in blankets in bed, doing absolutely nothing aside from basking in each other’s company and body heat in silence. Loki leaned in to you and you leaned into him, becoming utterly obsessed with each other. He looked at you like you were the most exquisite thing in existence and peppered a million light kisses underneath your jaw and along the side of your neck. You always returned the favor by tightly holding him, eventually squeezing him till he was practically out of breath. You would spend all of your nights together exactly like this, much to both of your delight.
Pietro:Shoulder blades. Pietro craved skin to skin contact with you at all times of the day, mostly in the form of a kiss, which couldn’t happen often, much to your disappointment as well as his. So, he stuck to loosely slinging his arm around your shoulders and following you around like a lost puppy while you performed domestic tasks around the compound. Whenever you stopped bumbling about, doing whatever it was that you were doing, Pietro quickly peppered kisses all along your shoulder blades. They spanned everywhere from the shoulders to the nape of your neck. As long as it didn’t interfere with your task at hand, you indulged him and stood still, eyes fluttering shut in content for a moment until he was inevitably pulled away from you to do important Avengers work. He always made it up to you, however, in the form of much more interesting activities.
Bruce:Nose. Your touch never failed to provide Bruce with much needed affection, and reassurance that you were still around and weren’t ever going to leave him. You always stuck around, glued to his side while he moved about his lab. He tried on multiple occasions to explain what he does in the simplest way possible to you. Most of the time, you just looked at him and smiled, which Bruce knew as your nice way of telling him to stop wasting his breath because you weren’t going to understand any time soon. He softly chuckled every time, quietly sighed with a light smile on his face, pulled your face close to his and pressed a soft kiss on your nose. This gentle of a kiss reminded him that he’s still just Bruce, and not the other guy.
Scott:Cheek. Scott woke up significantly earlier than you did every morning, but never failed to give you a sloppy good morning kiss on the cheek before he rolled begrudgingly out of bed. They always woke you up though, which you didn’t mind. You always pulled a sleepy smile anyway, and rolled over to his side of the bed and basked in the hot spot of sheets he left behind, instantly falling back asleep. You were awakened again about a half an hour later to another, less sloppy kiss on the cheek and a goofy smile from Scott before he left for whatever job he had acquired from his friends. He whispered a promise to you about taking you out to dinner that night, an offer you accepted, before hurrying out of the room and out of the apartment.
BTS Reaction - distracting you whilst you’re on the phone
It was during the home-cooked meal Jin had prepared for you that your phone had first rung, and then it’d rung again for a second time part way through dessert. Almost an hour later and that call sounds like it isn’t anywhere near ending, and Jin’s becoming increasingly impatient waiting for you to finish. He tries all his best moves; removing his sweater and making sure to properly stretch, emphasising his broad shoulders. He tries pulling you into his arms too, planting only two kisses on your neck before you push him away with a shake of your head, mumbling something about ‘merges’ down the phone as you exit to the bedroom. That’s the final straw for Jin; if he’s going to have any hope of distracting you it’s going to take something drastic. He strips out of his clothes, leaving them in a crumpled pile next to the sofa he gets comfortable on, ignoring how cold the leather feels against his bare buttocks. Closing his eyes, he takes his soft member in hand and begins to fondle himself, thinking about how good your lips felt wrapped round him last night. Soon enough his cock is hard and throbbing in his palm, quiet little moans spilling from his lips - moans that Jin allows to become louder when he hears your bedroom door open, your footsteps following. He opens his eyes to see your stood in the doorway, shocked to a standstill, your hand over the receiver of the phone so your colleague won’t hear the sounds he’s making.
“Jagi, please,” he groans, rolling his balls as he fists his cock, throwing his head backward against the leather, “I need you.”
Suffice to say your phone call was cut rather short after that.
It’s the sound of your voice that rudely awakens Yoongi from his slumber. Blinking away the sleep induced blur in his vision he rolls onto his side to squint at the clock, groaning when he sees that it’s 1am and feeling instantly annoyed at whoever you decided it’d be a good idea to call at the time of the night. He rolls over again with a huff, this time to face you, and the moment you notice he’s away you pull an apologetic face, cringing. Listening hard, he can hear the shrill pitch of your best friend’s voice sobbing about something on the other end of the line, and some of his annoyance fades now he knows this wasn’t a call you chose to make. He resigns himself to riding it out with you, shuffling closer and hiding his face in your hair, inhaling the scent of you as he places his arm across your waist. He was never meaning to get turned on, but listening to your soft ‘mm’s’ of agreement, feeling the steady rise and fall of your chest beside him, the warmth of your body seeping into his… well, it was sort of inevitable. Yoongi starts to nuzzle at your neck, his breath hot in your ear as he laves his tongue around the shell of it, goosebumps springing up all over your body in response to his sudden and fervent attention. His hand starts straying too, trailing downward then coming back up again under your shirt, grasping at your breast and rolling your nipple between his fingertips hard enough that you have to bite back a gasp. You feel him smirk against your cheek and then suddenly he’s taking the phone from your hand and disconnecting the call without a word, throwing it to the floor and pulling you on top of him.
“Your battery ran out,” he states matter-of-factly, grasping your hips and grinding your core into his lap. “Now, make me being awake worthwhile.”
All Namjoon had wanted to do when he got home was throw you against the wall and fuck the hell out of you; it’d been a stressful day and he needed the kind of relief that only you could give him. He felt secure in knowing that the two of you had a safeword in case he ever took it too far. It was rare that it was ever said, but tonight he felt like it might be one of those nights. Yes, today really had been that shit. That’s why when he comes home to find you curled up on the sofa on the phone, giggling with one of your friends, Namjoon’s only response is a deep, throaty growl of frustration - one that has you sitting up in alarm, your eyebrows knotting together with concern. He strides towards you, radiating dominance as he throws off his smart jacket and starts loosening his tie, your heart starting to gallop nervously in your chest, suddenly lost for words even though you know you’re friend is awaiting a reply on the other end.
“Hang up,” he commands, standing over you so his crotch is level with your face. He’s aroused already, tenting the front of his pants. “Now!” he barks when you hesitate. The phone almost flies from your hand in your haste to press the button to end the call, stuffing it down the side of the sofa so you know it won’t get in the way for whatever it is Joonie has in mind. He undoes the front of his pants roughly to pull out his long, throbbing cock, and then grabs a fist full of your hair to yank you towards him, your mouth automatically falling open.
“You’re gonna take all of this and then you’re gonna beg me for more, you got that?”
Hobi had already been halfway into your pants when your phone starts to ring on the bedside table next to you. It’s your mom, so you’ve got to pick it up otherwise she’ll start to worry, and when she worries she has an awful habit of popping round uninvited to check on you - and that certainly would put a dampener on things. You answer the call, grabbing onto Hobi’s wrist to pull it out from the waistband of your jeans, unable to keep yourself from smiling at the adorable pout on his face. He’s far too incorrigible, though, or maybe he’s just impatient, but either way, you’ve only been on the phone a couple of minutes when you feel his hand sneaking back in, his lips on your neck. You smack at his arm but it does no good; his fingers find their way into your panties and back to your soaking wet core, a low hum rumbling in his throat as he circles your clit. You squirm, biting your lip to keep yourself from moaning, managing the occasional ‘uh-huh’ back to whatever it is your mother is saying. Honestly, you’re not really paying attention. Knowing that you two could be caught out any second is just making you hotter, and despite common sense telling you you shouldn’t, you end up undoing your jeans and shimmying them down whilst still on the line, spreading your legs for Hobi to take full advantage.
“Does your mama knows what a bad girl you are, baby?” he whispers into your free ear, fingertip teasing your hole. You’re sure your lip is going to start bleeding in a second if you keep on biting it this hard, but it’s the only way you can keep yourself quiet, especially when Hobi slides two, long fingers inside of you, stretching out your walls. “Think you can keep quiet when I make you cum?”
When you’re on call both you and Jimin are all too aware of the constant threat of separation your phone poses - but rather than let it put you off for fear of being interrupted, it actually spurs the two of you on. The sex you have those nights is always rushed and hot and passionate, never knowing just how much time you’ve got, and tonight looks like it’s going to be no exception. He’s just peeling your panties off with his teeth when your phone does ring, and rather than stopping you simply lean over and grab your phone off the bedside table, answering it and trying not to sound too breathless. They need you at the hospital your colleague tells you as Jimin licks and kisses his way up the inside of your thigh, smirking up at you. She gripes about how busy it is while you’re flopping open your legs, Jimin’s tongue coming into contact with your core, and you morph your groan of pleasure into one of sympathy, winding your free hand through his hair and pulling him in. You love how naughty it feels having him between your legs whilst she has no idea, grinning and biting your lip down at Jimin as he looks up past your pubic bone, flicking his tongue against your clit.
When you flex your hips and pull his hair, egging him on, Jimin closes his eyes and really starts to concentrate on the task at hand, drawing figure of eights amongst your wetness, lapping up everything you have to give him as you arch your back soundlessly. It’s only when he slides a finger into your heat that you can stand it no longer, garbling a promise that you’ll be there soon and ending the call just in time for him to start assaulting your clit with harsh licks and sucks.
“You’re not going anywhere yet, kitten,” Jimin warns you from between your legs, lifting his face enough for you to see your arousal shining all over his mouth and chin. He licks his lips, smiling salaciously. “Not until daddy gets a turn.”
Of all the times for your phone to ring, it had to be whilst Taehyung is indulging in one of his little games. He’s got you bound, immobile on his bed, handcuffs stretching from each of your wrists to either side of the headboard, an ankle spreader keeping your legs apart, allowing him to inspect your pussy to his heart’s content from where he’s knelt naked between your feet. And normally you wouldn’t mind, happy to let it ring, but you had an important interview yesterday, and this might well be the call back you’ve been waiting for. You pull against your restraints, begging to be released, but Taehyung just smiles that wicked smile of his and crawls on top of you, his cock weighing heavy against your stomach, and then he reaches under the pillow and brings your phone his ear, answering it for you. You’re horrified, pulling at the cuffs harder and making them rattle in protest, your soundless mouth flapping indignantly.
“I’m afraid she’s all tied up right now,” he smirks, delighting in the flush of embarrassment that colours your cheeks. “She can’t really come to the phone.”
Taehyung takes hold of his cock in his free hand, shifting all his weight onto one side so he can manoeuvre himself between your legs, sliding the swollen head through your slick folds. You whimper helplessly, your hips bucking towards him all of their own accord; you’re as desperate to feel him inside as you are to take that call and torn between the two, reduced to a mewling, dripping mess as he toys with your powerless body. His own breathing starts to get a little heavier as he dips the very tip inside shallowly, in and out, teasing you both as he hums in agreement with whatever the person on the other end is saying.
“Oh yes, I’ll see that she gets it.” Tae sinks into you with one agonisingly slow thrust as soon as those words have left him, biting his lip as he bottoms out, and you know if he hadn’t he’d have grunted with the force of it. Your feel your walls stretch around the girth of him, a burn that has your back arching from the bed, your cuffs rattling again, and as he feels you clench around his cock Taehyung finally stop playing, hanging up the call and fucking you in earnest, moaning louder than ever.
You’ve known for days that you were spending tonight sleeping over in the boys dorms - so how on earth did you forget to pack your pyjamas? Luckily enough Jungkook has begrudgingly leant you a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt to wear for sleeping in, and you’re just pulling the t-shirt over your head when you hear his phone start to ring. Seeing that it’s only Namjoon calling it you decide to answer it for him, making pleasant conversation as you leave the bedroom to find your boyfriend where you left him sat in front of the TV, and as always Joonie has you giggling by the time you get there. Jungkook looks up, his eyes narrowing when he sees you blushing at someone else’s words, tonguing the inside of his cheek jealously as you flop down next to him on the sofa, completely oblivious to his stare. It only gets worse when he takes in what you’re wearing. His baggy t-shirt shows off the beautiful curve of your neck and the delicateness of your collarbones, his boxers riding right up your thighs and revealing too much skin. He’d never had guessed you’d have looked so good in his clothes, otherwise he would’ve shared sooner. Jungkook’s both annoyed and aroused now, and when you giggle again and bite your thumb he finds himself wanting punish you, his cock twitching in his shorts at the thought of wiping that smile off of your face.
You’re caught completely off guard when Jungkook suddenly knocks you off balance, pinning you down on the sofa with the entirety of his weight, his hair dangling into his lust darkened-eyes. The phone is still pressed to your ear, Namjoon asking if you’re alright after hearing your little yelp of surprise. The boy on top of you starts to grind his erection against your core through his shorts and his boxers, savaging your neck with his mouth, sucking purple marks into the skin, and it’s with a stilted stutter that you tell Namjoon that you should go.
“Don’t you hang up,” Jungkook growls as he pushes his hips into you again, saying it loud enough that you know his friend on the other end will be able to hear, “I want hyung to hear me take what’s mine.”
Got a little carried away with myself there, gosh! *fans self*