themeless

this isn't the place

I am not ethereal. Neither am I the fine dirt of the earth. I don’t have any idea where I fit. I don’t photograph myself anymore, or anything; I have nothing to show you. 

I left the arcade for a professional writing job — and this is so good it’s golden — but it gives me a focus for my failure fevers. Anxiety sinks in its teeth and, for the first time, tastes the blood of fresh meat.

If I could pull this out, spin it into thread, coax a shape from the stiff, glowing fibers, then I’d have an art to share. Something to show. “Look,” I wouldn’t have to say. “This is mine. How does yours compare?”

I am happier now than I have ever been. Still, I am continually hardened. Too much of the climb, of the gruff, horned goat. When we swim, we sink too deeply.

You wouldn’t know this. You don’t know me, and I’ve never known what I do here. Bit by bit I disappear under the pressure of my own eraser.

It’s a truth we both know: with nothing to show, you won’t remember me by morning.

Awoof, let’s see.

First of all, goddamn generated sprites. If I were a little less lazy, I’d personally contact every person that has ever created a fantroll with the sprite generator and *thoroughly berate* them as I resprite them a better fantroll.

Second, his symbol. When/if your troll has a canon symbol, it means that they’re related to the canon character that bears the same symbol. Ergo, only Serkets can use the scorpio symbol. Vriska has already explained that each caste (not including mutants) has a myriad of symbols, and only trolls that greatly resemble the one who originally bore it (read, cerulean-blooded females with scorpion tail+claw horns and eightfold vision) can possess it, along with its respective last name.
I’d still advise against using canon symbols unless you plan to do something with all of them (like skdaks2’s AU genderbent zodiac-themed fantrolls), and make sure it’s set on an alternate universe.

His name is too human, as well. Troll names are almost always based on words relating to their theme or symbol (like how Karkat’s name comes from the indian equivalent of the Cancer zodiac sign, and Vantas is the name of a drug used to treat prostate cancer).
It sounds too much like “Joestar”, as well. I don’t like it.

Trolltag doesn’t seem to relate to his theme, and the words he chose don’t seem fitting for a tag. First, because people will automatically think of our friendly, capped rapping robot. Second, because including something related to quadrants can be either pathetic (like a human using “I-Love-Lovely-Love” as a username), or highly distasteful (like a human using “Horny69Sex-KinkyBunny” as a username). Same with the quirk.

Oh, wow, a hemohating lowblood. Watch out, here comes Mr. Originality.

The imagination part makes me think this is a self-insert. It’s clearly a shared trait.

That lusus belongs to the Vantas line. Don’t touch the Crabstrosity.
(I’m also going to take a moment to express my disgust towards people who think trolls actually call their lusii “***-mom/dad”. The only instance we’ve seen of a lusus being called something like that was when Vriska mercy-killed her lusus, and it wasn’t her who said it, it was the narrator, because Hussie wanted to humour the fandom’s then-new-fashion of calling lusii “***-mom/dad”. Trolls don’t have a solid enough concept of family to call their lusii something like that. One could even say that they only apply the term “mother” (as in an actual, proper female progenitor) when they refer to the Mother Grub. Beyond that, the rest of the canon trolls have always called their lusii by their names, like Glb’golyb, Aurthour and Pounce de Leon, or their species, like Bicyclops and Tinkerbull.)

I’m gonna compliment the creator, though, their land in the Medium really fits this troll. Suction is a great part of this character. He sucks so much.
No, but in all seriousness, the land doesn’t relate at all with them. Land names relate to the players’ God Tier titles (and to their interests, as well), and neither Flames nor Suction relate to being a Page of Blood.
More importantly, how do you depict suction with a physical shape? Vacuums? Black holes?

The correct name for the weapon is “icosahedron”. “Dodectet” isn’t even a word.
Plus, complete Vriska ripoff, 0/10.

And lastly, your troll shouldn’t:
a) Have a human moirail
b) Have canon characters in his quadrants
c) Have John Egbert, who doesn’t seem to understand how troll quadrants work, as his moirail
d) Refer to a, b and c

Officer Dorkleer

OH GODS WHY.

Soraru is a carmine red colored

NO…

sea dweller

NOOOOOOO!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PEOPLE! WHY DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A HOMESTUCK OC IF YOU’RE NOT FOLLOWING THE FEW ‘RULES’ YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW TO HAVE AN APPROPRIATE FANTROLL GOING ON? YOU CAN’T JUST COME UP WITH A NEW COLOR, PULLING IT LITERALLY OUT OF YOUR ASS, AND DECIDE TO MAKE IT A SEA DWELLER(WHICH, AS FAR AS WE’RE CONCERNED, ARE ALL ROYALTY) JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK IT’LL BE CUTE!

who wears an eyepatch which most of the time is a medical eyepatch while sometimes, he will change to a pirates one which is black. He often has a short dilemma on wearing the red or the black colored eyepatch.

EYE PATCHES WOULD BE COOL IF THE CREATOR WORKED A LITTLE BIT MORE ON THEM, MIND YOU, BUT AS FAR AS I CAN TELL FROM WHAT I’VE READ, THIS IS JUST SOME ADVANCED LEVEL AKITO/AGITO RIPOFF FROM AIR GEAR, WITH JUST A DASH OF PIRATE SOLLUX ON TOP.

SO, TO SUMMARIZE: A MUTANT SEADWELLER WHO BOLDLY SHOWS OFF HIS BLOOD COLOR ON HIS CLOTHES, EVEN WHEN HE’S MOST LIKELY ON THE SEA, WHERE THE MOST VIOLENT AND HEMOLOYAL TROLLS LIVE(AKA: SEADWELLERS). NOT TO MENTION DYEING HIS HAIR THE SAME COLOR HIS MUTANT BLOOD IS, BUT ALSO WHITE! DUAL HORNS BECAUSE CAPTOR RIPOFF.

-Officer Chainswag

HELLO GUYS, CHAINSWAG HERE. NO, DORKLEER HASN’T TAKEN OVER THE BLOG, AT LEAST NOT YET. I’VE BEEN RATHER BUSY LATELY, BUT I PROMISE TO BE MORE ACTIVE TOWARDS THE END OF THIS WEEK, OR THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT ONE. THAT IS A PROMISE, OKAY?

NOW, I’VE PREPARED A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU, SO YOU CAN HAVE SOMETHING TO READ WHILE I FINISH STUFF UNRELATED TO THE BLOG. 3 QUICK REVIEWS OF FANTROLLS THAT…WELL, YOU KNOW THE DRILL.

Keep reading

Tradition calls I start by bashing the design.

The most eye-calling error here is the unholy ammount of red and gold she’s wearing. You can have a few details in red, such as Terezi’s shoes and glasses, Vriska’s shoes, and Kanaya’s skirt, but wearing this much red, and even worse, having your symbol be bright red, is a surefire way of getting culled, at least to make sure that you aren’t a mutantblood. And as to the gold, only members of royalty (violet and fuchsia) can wear that much gold.

The second, slightly less noticeable error, are the shoes. Not only they have high heels and platforms, but they also have a weird hook tip and are knee-high. The heels and platforms would greatly hinder her speed and ability to manoeuvre, not to mention it’d heighten the chances of tripping and falling (plus, high heels are really uncomfortable to walk with, not to mention running, and at the end of the day, your legs are so sore you might as well cut them off). The hook tip would also lower her speed and make it more likely for her to fall, since it’d constantly catch on the dirt (assuming there’s dirt beneath her feet at all, if not, then she’d just walk around funny, since it’d keep her from properly bending her ankles if her foot is too close to the ground) and on any roots or loose tiles she walks over. And lastly, the knee-high part wouldn’t let her properly run, since it would keep her from properly bending her knee, and would probably cause bruising and circulatory problems on the long term.
Not to mention trolls are extremely not fashion-oriented. Those boots are too ornamental and sacrifice utility and comfort for aesthetic.

Also, why are her eyes red if her blood is black?

Info about her.
Full name: Proxie (AMY) English
Age: 6 sweeps / 13 years old
Gender: Female
Species: Troll / Human
Blood: Black ==> She is a Lowblood and a Highblood
Screen Name: SilverPhoenixGod
Typing style : Replaces ” E ” with ” 3 ” ,  she uses ” # ” a lot if pissed.

Her name isn’t quite troll-like, and her last name not only is longer than what’s canon, but also… you guessed right! She’s related to Jake English! The shots are on me tonight, guys. This is my Magnum Opus.

To make it even better, she’s a troll and a human at the same time! Screw biology and the fact that human and troll bodies don’t work simmilarly at all, who needs to be biologically and canonically accurate when you can have *this* much power?

And to top this little canon-breaking sundae, she has an impossible blood colour. And not only that, but also gives an obvious mutation a terribly canon-breaking explanation. How does “high but low” work? “Hello I’m a very influential person and I have a variety of titles of nobility, but I’m also very poor and live on the slums”? If anything, something that could be considered close to that description is a colour between rust and fuchsia, but then it’d depend on if the troll has fins to determine whether they’re the highest of high or the lowest of low.

Her handle isn’t formatted the way it should, either, and her quirk is bland, unimaginative, and doesn’t relate to her theme or lack thereof.

Zodiac: mercury
Title : Queen of Heart
Planet - Land of Whispers and Nightmares
Strife Deck: 2XPistols 2XBowieKnife 100XDeckofCards Psiioniic Powers
Fetch Modus - Encryption / Glitch
Hates - losing, Dogs, Fire, dying, bugs, Apple juice

A troll’s symbol isn’t their zodiac, it’s their symbol. If the canon trolls’ symbols happen to be zodiac symbols, it’s because Hussie wanted it that way to keep a theme. Plus, Mercury isn’t a zodiac sign, silly creator.

Her title has been done many times before, and it has too much potential to be overpowered. I’m sure the creator explains it as “ruling over/controlling her aspect”.
Quick lesson on how to make good fanclasses and aspects. Two things they have in common are: they all come in pairs, and they’re always just one syllabe long.
For fanaspects, take something that you *know* would be useful in a new universe (because that’s the ultimate goal of aspects, to be transmitted as elemental forces to the new universe spawned from its respective session). It should represent two things, one in the more “physical” side of things (note this doesn’t mean that it’s always tangible, because neither Time nor Space are tangible, but that it isn’t abstract), and the other in the more “spiritual” side (emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc.). I’ll take one of my favourite fanaspects, Blaze. Blaze represents both fire (physical aspect), and perseverance (spiritual aspect). Its counterpart would be the aspect of Stream, representing water and adaptability. Note how both aspects complement eachother, are one syllabe long, and are necessary for the creation of a new world.
For fanclasses, take into account what the canon classes already do. So, if both Bards and Princes destroy, don’t make your Duke class destroy as well. Also remember that classes have passive (represented by the sign +; they act upon others via their aspect) or active (represented by the sign -; they act directly upon their aspect) counterparts, depending on what they are themselves. So, if you make your Duke class a passive class, try to introduce it along with another, active class to balance it out and avoid making it overpowered.

Whew, got long winded there. I’ll make this short. The land name is too long to be catchy, which makes it forgettable. Plus, neither Whispers nor Nightmares have anything to do with the aspect of Heart, and if it’s related to her theme or personality, then I’m afraid it’s way too edgy.

The strife deck is way too expansive, overpowered, and lacks a definite theme. Plus, not only she’s a mutantblood and shouldn’t be alive, but also mutantbloods don’t get psychic powers. However, even if she could get powers due to her “lowblood” status, they’d get negated by the fact that she’s also a “highblood”, which absolutely don’t get powers unless they’re cobalt or purplebloods. And even *IF* she could get powers, I wouldn’t give them to her, as a creator, since she’s already way too overpowered to be a good character.
Also, “psiioniics” are only used to refer to the Captor line powers. If your character isn’t a Captor, they get normal psionic powers.

Fetch modus is fine, though not very imaginative.

Dislikes are unnecessary. They’re way too common to even bother stating them. I mean, everyone dislikes losing and dying, and I’m sure a fair deal of people hate bugs and fire.

Relations : 
Eridan Ampora - Matesprit
Sollux Captor - Moirail  
Feferi Peixes - Kismesis
Gamzee Makara and Dave Strider - Aspisus (I cant spell aaaaa)
Terezi , Kanaya, Aradia, Nepeta, Tavros - Flush Crush’s
Doc Scratch - Step Father
Jake English - Brother
Jade Harley - Sister
John Egbert - Cosine
Jane Crocker - Aunt
Karkat Vantas - Movie Buddy
Gamzee Makara - EX Kismesis
The Assassin / Phoenix  - Ancestor (alive)
Rythem English - Dancestor
Bird-MOM - Lusii /Sprite  ( deceased )

I’m gonna make things short and say that you should never pair your characters with canon ones. It reeks of godmodding.

However, I’m also gonna make things long and painful and state what’s wrong with most of those things.

Eridan already had a flushcrush on Feferi.
Sollux was already in a Moiraillegiance with Aradia.
I’m pretty sure the creator made her have a Kismesistude with Feferi to play Fef as the jealous, power-hungry tyrant we all know she isn’t.
I can somewhat see Gamzee and Dave as the kind that would need someone to stop them from killing eachother, but AUSPISTICISM* only works if both individuals are already in an official Kismesistude. Gamzee and Dave aren’t. Dave is Gamzee’s nemesis.
That’s an awful lot of flushcrushes to be even healthy. Troll society doesn’t condone polygamy in one quadrant.
Doc Scratch can’t be your troll’s stepfather because he doesn’t even live in the same planet as her, and because he already has the little Handmaid to take care of. Plus, trolls neither have the concept of nor need fathers or stepfathers of any kind. Only lusii.
Trolls don’t have blood relatives beyond their ancestors, and even less *human* blood relatives.
[Dorkleer sighs the deepest sigh ever sighed]
[And yet another sigh]
Trolls’ ancestors are never alive by the point their descendants hatch, unless they’re the Empress, or they were forcibly kept alive by other methods, like the Helmsman.
The last two are fine, I guess, but I’ve already expressed my distaste towards trolls calling their lusii ***-mom/-dad. Plus, trolls have different names for animals (it doesn’t even have to be something like “featherbeast”, since we’ve seen “barkfiend” for dog, “nut creature” for squirrel, “dirt noodle” for earthworm, and “spleenfowl” for chicken), and lusii are never just normal animals.

OH!!!!
Also She Dies as a Troll ‘cus Feferi kills her and then she becomes a ghost and a robot and then her sprite then she explodes and becomes human again and becomes God tier!!

I’m not even going to comment on this. It’s way too discombobulated and speaks by itself.

- Officer Dorkleer

Sometimes, I feel like my blog is little more than a huge mood whiplash. Like, here’s some pretty photosets of snowflakes and Elsa, and five minutes later, here are some long posts about rape and domestic abuse. But if I split everything I wanted to reblog into a themed blog, I’d be trying to run about 100 of them.

Let me try to recover myself before I start ranting…the picture…no, I can’t…I can’t deal with it.

Name: Morinth Valkari
Blood Color: Black
Symbol: Iridescent Infinity
Age: ?????

Unnecessary 7 letters on the name and the last name. I hope this is a honest mistake and not some kind of twisted and fucked up way of creating something inbetween a fantroll and a fancestor.

Black blooded…sigh…we already discussed a lot about this particular blood mutation, let us just…yeah, say it’s bad and skip it. Also, fuck the creator. Fuck the creator hard in the ass with a pine tree.

Symbol: Unoriginal Unoriginality

Age: Funny, that was my exact same reaction when I saw this OC: ‘?????’


Back Story: She was the first troll, she had pure white blood the white containing every color in the universe (yes that is true) after trolls were developed they had colorless blood, no caste, no order, thus forth she spread the colors in her blood to make the Hemospectrum, taking all of the color out of her blood turning it black. She then became an outcast, lowest of the low, lower than a mutant. As the years went by she met trolls, loved some, hated others, and watched them all die.  She had become used to this lifestyle as she aged very slowly, currently taking a look of 21 years of age. She currently has a normal life (as normal as you can get with my O.Cs) with a Matesprite (Emmitt), Moirail (Dani), and Austpacis (Alexii and Victora). 

Overpower: The OC.

You are not making a themeless, unoriginal, godmodded, blatantly overpowered fantroll, no. You take things even further, and describe your fantroll as the Ancestor of every troll. Of every single one of them. Creator, were you high when you made this? Please, tell me you were. Or at least heavily inebriated.

And let us not even mention that heinous and 2edgy white hair, the sollux-like glasses and horns.

Author/Artists Notes: I know her blood part of backstory might seem racist but it’s not supposed to be and most of the names don’t match up with the 6 letter requirements but no fucks are given, Also she was my first troll O.C so I hadn’t read homestuck at the time that’s why it’s all wonky with the requirements

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY FUCKING GOD, I LAUGHED SO HARD. SO FUCKING HARD. SO, YOU’RE TELLING US YOU MADE AN OC FROM A WEBCOMIC YOU HAVEN’T READ?! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, THIS IS GOLDEN, PEOPLE, THIS IS FUCKING GOLDEN.

Also, your troll’s blood backstory may not be racist, but it is based on the same roots as racism: Idiocy and ignorance.

-Officer Chainswag