on the discussion re: people tossing the word ‘gaslighting’ around like nothing, i feel like i should mention that i have also seen a few people on our side of the discourse toss that word in as well in the same way that the other side does. if anyone reading this is tossing that term into discussions, you need to stop. seriously. i don’t care what is happening in that discussion, if the person you’re arguing with is gross and homophobic and terrible, do not use that word. just don’t do it. it’s inappropriate, can be extremely triggering, and it’s unnecessarily cruel.
hey @autismserenity i guess we’re blocked so feel free to ignore this but your long response about why aces can reclaim the q slur appeared on my dash and i’d like to respond to it calmly and politely.
obviously you can choose not to respond to this but i’d be interested to have a discussion about this.
here’s the response i originally tried to put on the post.
i read this whole thing and i have two genuine questions/thoughts:
- it seems strange to me that, while ace tumblr is very vocal about the fact that ace people aren’t necessarily “people who don’t have sex” but just do not experience sexual attraction, and that many ace people DO have sex, how would this point hold up? because if people who refrained from sex have historically been called queer, not all ace people, by that logic all people who get shamed for not having sex (like celibate people and abuse survivors) can reclaim queer, but not aces who have sex.
- you also pointed out many times that these people were often called queer because people thought they were gay. i don’t think being mistaken for the intended target of a slur constitutes the ability to reclaim it.
also a quick note – the suffragettes weren’t beaten and tortured and force-fed because they were thought to be spinsters, they were treated like that because they were fighting for (white) womens’ voting rights. i don’t see how they are relevant here.
it just seems to me that your two main points – many ace people were thought to be gay, and people who didn’t have sex were called queer – don’t really point to all ace people as a cohesive group being referred to as queer. like all lesbians were/are considered queer because all lesbians are women/-aligned people who are exclusively attracted to woman/-aligned people. that makes a cohesive group. but “people who don’t have sex” and “all ace people” are not the same thing, as many, many ace people have made clear.
so by this logic, the people who were called queer were people thought to experience attraction to their own/similar gender (meaning the slur can only be reclaimed by those people), and people who didn’t have sex, which does not include all ace people and does include people who are not ace. and of course trans people, whom you neglected to mention in your response above.
i guess im just confused about how this points to all aces being able to reclaim the slur. also what about aro people? can aces reclaim it but not aros? you didn’t mention them either.