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Zoe Quinn Explains Her Decision to Drop Her Charges Against Her Ex
It's been a year and a half of constant misogynist abuse - from people she knows and people she doesn't know - and Zoe Quinn is tired.

TMS stands behind Zoe 100%, and though it’s disappointing that her ex and abusers will see this as a victory, this is one of those cases where safety trumps taking a stand.

On Discipline and Punishment

The way I conceptualize things, there are differences between the purposes of discipline and punishment. 

Discipline should teach a child or adolescent “When you do something that is unethical or immoral, there will be natural, logical consequences.” This is important. Children and adolescents need to be taught to show compassion and respect to each other. When, for example, a child is bullying someone, a logical consequence would be to have the child sit down and write a letter of apology explaining why their behavior was wrong and demonstrating remorse for their actions.

Punishment, on the other hand, seems to be geared towards applying an arbitrary consequence to a value-neutral mistake. Think of a child or adolescent who’s doing poorly in school. The parents dole out punishment (in the form of an arbitrary consequence like “No cell phone for a month”)  in an effort to teach the child or adolescent that poor academic performance (a value-neutral problem) is unacceptable. Reality shows that poor academic performance can have as much or more to do with the student’s environment, abilities, home life, and emotional health as it does with the effort they put forth. 

“Stop making mistakes or suffer” is more convenient than making an attempt to address the root causes of the behavior that can be improved upon, and thus it’s seen as the default.

kevin-the-chicken asked:

Okay this a weird question, but what sorts of people were Baby Ben's imaginary partners. Like, were they based off of what /he/ wanted from a partner, ripped straight from his fantasies, or were they what Snoke /thought/ a teenage boy would be into. Because it seems to me like Snoke paid a ton of mind to physical appeal, whereas Kylo was looking for a /emotional/ appeal (this fic slays me).

That is actually a really good question! I’m glad you wondered: They were creepily indistinct, actually, to the point that Ben could kind of ‘customize’ them without realizing he was doing it. Snoke gave no fucks about what Ben wanted from anything beyond what he needed to remain controlled, so he wouldn’t want to put any energy into this really, and in some sense Ben was doing the real work. This is also why he eventually realized they weren’t actual people, though he suppressed the realization because it was horrifying on some level. There was never any emotional connection to them, though that was something he would have customized if he could have, because that just wasn’t within Snoke’s power to create. Like they wouldn’t even talk to Ben :/

AND this is actually important to what happened between him and Hux—I was talking about this in an email yesterday: basically, Ren had never been with a real person, but he’d had these intense experiences that felt real for a certain period of time, and these were “people” who would just wordlessly show up in his room/bed at night and service him, so when Hux turns up in his bed on the Finalizer, Ren is not consciously thinking ‘well he’s come here to please me’ but his history with these weird visitations is part of why his mind eventually goes there and he just yanks at Hux’s pants. Like, this reaction to Hux is part of how stunted and clueless about the reality of other people Ren really is.

But then he reads this totally unexpected feedback from Hux that has to do with Hux’s past experience with sex, and that’s when Ren stops and asks if he can actually do this, and it’s a big moment/big deal for Ren that this is an actual person who is giving his permission and has desires of his own. Just being able to actually read signals from a partner and make them feel things (as opposed to those delusions, which didn’t give any feedback re: their own sensations and of course didn’t want anything for themselves, not being real) is the most mind-blowing, amazingly enjoyable thing to him at that point, and he’s already irreversibly attached to Hux by the end of that scene, though he doesn’t let on about that for quite a while.

This is also why Ren comments on Hux’s shape/lines later, because those other indistinct people were like, constantly shifting in some ways that he wasn’t entirely conscious of but was subconsciously noticing—whereas Hux has a solid shape that doesn’t change and it’s such a relief, he loves that ;__;

Thank you for asking!!

Pointing out that romanizing abuse makes it easier for abusers to normalize abusive concepts in order to hurt someone is not blaming the victim nor is it negating responsibility from the abuser. Saying that abusers often condition and groom potential victims using tv, movies, books, and even fanfic as “examples” of how normal what they are doing is does not place blame on the victim or the media. But it does happen. Nothing exists in a vacuum.

Also FUCK internet social justice trends where people printscreen your every move, hatefollow you, make huge call out posts for the world to see, make closed chatrooms to talk shit about you, ban you from groups if you say something thats not NT enough. Do you have ANY idea how triggering and scary that is? Do you have any idea how fucking ableist it is?

I feel like everyone is watching my every move and as soon as I say something that is misinterpreted as rude/etc people will abuse me _and think they have the right to do so_.

Fucking STOP doing this! Deal with shit by talking TO people, not about them you jerks.

Guys let me make this very clear, ABUSE IS ABUSE. It doesn’t matter how much other people try their hardest to invalidate it or make it not seem like a big deal, people don’t know what abuse, assault, panic attacks, nor terror are like, people don’t know what’s it like to struggle with a brain that repeats the past in a loop, people don’t know what’s it like to be afraid to go home, they think that’s something that only happens in the movies or the television and don’t understand that sometimes the shows are based off reality. Therefore:

Abuse IS abuse. 

reaganwarren asked:

Ford learning that Stan really did meet a Jimmy in their universe a while after they've stopped watching the AUs and dying to ask what their relationship was like but also afraid it's like the AU They Don't Want to Talk About and even if it's like Mystery Date AU Ford's still rather "he's such a jerk, why". Rick just drinks his concerns away, especially since Stan doesn't want to talk about it.

Stan eventually tells Rick, though. Rick’s a lot easier to talk to about stuff like this than Ford, partly because Stan knows Rick’s been down a lot of the same roads he has, partly because Rick gives him space and actually does just throw back a drink and change the subject when he doesn’t want to talk. (Ford, by contrast, can’t keep himself from incessantly prying.)

Actually one of very few non-insult, non-sarcasm things Rick says to Ford in the entire time he’s there is “don’t worry about Jimmy. He’s out of the picture, for good.”

Ford’s a little upset that Stan talked to Rick about it and not him, but his response is “are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. But if I’m wrong, I’ll let you have the first swing at him when he shows up.”

“Deal.”

anonymous asked:

Hello friend! After the last ask about the Force visions Snoke gave Ben as a kid, I was wondering if it can be interpreted as abuse? I mean, since Ben was underage and ugghhh the thought of Snoke even involving himself... (I understand completely that you portrayed it as thoroughly bad thing and I'm not trying to accuse you of anything whatsoever, just to be clear!) Just that passage struck me really deeply and I wondered if that was your implicit intention--that Ben had been abused in that way?

Oh yeah absolutely this was part of the abuse (and now I realize that’s the tag I should have used as a warning on that answer: amended), and imo it’s one of the most grotesque and insidious aspects of the abuse Snoke inflicted on him. Ren has trouble even thinking about it in the fic– he basically forbids himself to really think about it because he can in no way handle that aspect of what went on yet. So yeah, in that sense I wanted it to seem like part of his abuse that has traumatized him in its own specific way. He’s still really good at compartmentalizing so he hasn’t dealt with it much beyond ‘no, don’t think about it,’ but it’s something that haunts him. Thank you for asking! 

reaganwarren asked:

Because I'm terrible, because they're using the AU Goggles, I'm imagining them at some point getting bored of Mystery Date AU and switching to my JimStan fan fic and Stan immediately switching back to Mystery Date AU as an Abusive!Jimmy scenario starts playing out. He immediately says something like "I wanna see how that psychohillbilly band thing goes, that - that was entertaining" and Ford is too shocked to say anything.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.

Rick is half concerned, half internally saying “I TOLD you this shit always ends up bad.”

Perfect

Overenthusiastic smile
Distracts from dullened eyes;
As dull as pain she doesn’t fight
When kisses turn to bites;
As biting as the words that fly
When she can’t do things right;
As righteous as the wonted sight
Of her punished at night;
As punishing as queries trite
Asking if she’s alright;
As alright as rebellious flight,
For which he makes her cry;
As tearful as the wars she vies
With bloody towels wrung dry;
As bloody as the gash she hides
To keep herself alive.

But they’re “perfect,”
And that compliment, from outsiders to her:
It’s worth it.

Little update

The failed exam really messed up with me, I was really sad bc the mistakes were really stupid.
The last two week in therapy we talked about the abuse by my mother. It’s so hard for me to talk about it and it’s going so deep and it’s crushing down all my walls.
I’m really not easy to work with because I always dissociate and I cried and I was so sad.
I just can’t deal with my mother, and what she did and more and more things come up, what she did, et cetera.
Psychiatrist upped my meds and gave me meds for sleeping, because I can’t sleep in, I lay awake for hours and the whole stuff with my mother is in my head and I’m having bad flashbacks.
Eating is worse, meds make me having 0 appetite and I lost over 5kg.
I will move out from home into an ‘inpatient home’, it’s not a clinic, more like a place to live with psychologists, psychiatrists, nurses, there is just always someone. And I think that’s a good thing and I really hope I will find a nice home.

reaganwarren asked:

Ford eventually asking "Were - were those the KIDS in the background?" And Stan just starts talking louder about how Mystery Date!Stan needs to learn he can't sing. And I'm referencing shit I haven't written yet, lol. Ford ends up thinking a lot about the few seconds of the other AU despite the hilarity of American Psychobilly and Mystery Date!Ford playing the triangle. Rick lightens the mood with triangle jokes.

And by “lightens the mood” you mean “provokes Ford into fighting with him by insulting him.” 

Stan is relieved, because it does make Ford stop focusing on the other AU (at least for a few minutes…he finds himself thinking of it again later that day and after) which is of course why Rick did it. 

Dawn to Dusk: A Stanchez Story

TWO

Rick and his father traveled from neighborhood to neighborhood, county to county, and finally resorted to moving 8 states to New York to avoid the judgement of everyone. Everyone knew that Mr. Sanchez had killed Mrs. Sanchez, but with the only eye witness being five years old  that wouldn’t talk and with no other physical evidence it was hard to convict him.

Rick grew up in a small house that flooded every time it rained and smelled of wet dog and mildew. He made no friends and usually stayed in his room reading or working on small trinkets. Rick hated his father, but never started any quarles, he wanted to keep the peace so he could have a place to live and food to eat. Rick’s father on the other hand made it very clean that Rick was as unwanted as the girls, that his father brought home late at night to fuck, were the next morning. Rick did his best to at least keep his father from beating him. He didn’t work on any projects while Mr. Sanchez was home, he left the house and attended school, which he used that time at school to read and work in the science labs, and he stayed quiet.

One night Rick and Mr. Sanchez were eating dinner, tamales made by the lady next door and sopa that Rick had made, Mr. Sanchez didn’t cook, Rick had been making his own meals since he was seven. Rick was reading a textbook that one of the physic teachers had lent him. His father stared at him while they ate.

“What have I told you about reading while we eat?”

“Don’t do it.” Rick responded without looking up from his book or putting it away.

“Put the book away Rick.” Mr. Sanchez with a stern voice.

“Why? We never talk anyways, just eat until we are done and then you go out to drink. This relationship we pretend to share is just a sad excuse of you having to house me until i graduate so you don’t feel guilty and the closest thing you think you have to a family.” Rick’s father took the book that he was reading and threw it through the window. Rick stared at the whole in the window before going back to eating.

“That wasn’t mine but whatever.”

“Don’t be reading at the table. And eat your goddamn dinner.” They ate, quietly. Mr. Sanchez finished first. He cleaned his plate, grabbed his keys and jacked and left. Rick waited for the sound of the car to pull away before getting up to clean his plate and go outside to retrieve the book that was thrown. He was thankful that it landed on the cement porch instead of the puddles of water and mud that was only about a 7.8 inches away. Rick dusted off the book and then went back into the house so he could enjoy the hours that were peaceful.

Rick worked on his latest project until his father came home. He could hear him pull up, park, slam the door as he entered the house and stumble to the kitchen. Rick figured he had about a minute in a half to get settled into bed before his dad came to check on him. He picked up the clothes he used to cover his workbench and then immediately dropped it when the slam of his door opening startled him. Rick’s dad was standing in his doorway, smelling of alcohol and looking like the embodiment of rage. Rick froze, waiting for his father to make the first move. And his dad did not disappoint.

“What are you working on Rick?” Rick didn’t answer. His father came closer to him. “I said “WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON RICK?”” He picked up his tool box and threw it on the ground, causing tools, screws, and scraps of metal to be scattered all over the floor. When Rick still didn’t answer he leaned in closer to his ear and grabbed Rick roughly by the arm. “Answer me.” He hissed.

“Fuck. You.” The grip on Rick’s arm tightened and jerked him closer.

“What did you say to me?!” Rick pushed his father off and stared at him directly in the eye.

“I said. Fuck. You.” Rick’s dad grabbed whatever was closest on the table and threw it at Rick. Rick dodged it but was knocked down the his father lunging at him with all his force. He knocked Rick to the ground and punched him over and over and over again, in the chest, stomach and head. Rick tried his best to defend himself and try to fight his father off, but it was useless. Mr. Sanchez punched Rick in the face, stunning Rick immobile. He breathed heavily and tried to focus his vision, looking for where his father went. When they did he saw his father was picking up the mallet that Rick had on the table. His breath caught, realizing he had to act fast.

He looked around him to see if there was anything to help him. And to his surprise there was. Under his bed was a device he was planning on taking to school to next day to show the physics teacher. It was untested and Rick wasn’t 100% sure what is was going to do, but if anything it could be what saved his life. He grabbed it, turned off the safety and pointed it towards his father’s heart. His father lunged for him again and Rick fired.

The next three seconds felt like an eternity. Rick’s father stood, motionless, the color quickly draining from his face. He looked to his son.

“Fuck you.” Rick spat at him before he fell to his knees. Rick finally released his breath. He sat and stared at his father for a minute before realizing that there was something solid and wet sitting in his lap. It took him a moment to realize that it was a heart. His father’s heart. Rick had transferred his father’s heart out of his body without creating an entrance wound. “Jesus.”

He threw the heart into the trash and stood up. Rick changed, packed a bag, took the cigar box that Rick’s dad left hidden in the floorboards and set the house on fire. With the device that killed his father, an emergency tool kit, and about 6 articles of clothing and a clothes on his back, he walked. At 17 years old, Rick had become the man he knew his mother would want him to be.