them boys be on the tramp

Hot Blooded

Warning:- Smut, Swearing 

***

This is a mash up of several request because they were pretty similar :) so I hope you like!!

Requests:-

wantated said: Hey! I love your blog! I spent like, a whole day reading you Masterlist and since then I am in love! So… I have a request but it is big… so sorry! I was wondering if you could write something about Jody, Charlie and the Reader having a girls night at the bunker or somewhere where they talk about girls, boys and relationships and they make the Reader admit that she is in love with Dean and that she should confess to him, because he totally loves her too. Thank you so much! You are great!

Anon said: Can we have a reader and charlie girly night? thanks

Anon said: Can I ask for a deanxreader where charlie and sam plot to get them to admit their feelings? 

***

You stumbled from the kitchen with snacks piled so high in your arms it was impossible to see over the top. It was your monthly “girly” night with Charlie and you were incredibly excited. Your knee collided with a chair on the way out of the room towards the converted “Movie room”; A string of not to colourful curse words flew from your mouth as the pain radiated up your leg.

Keep reading

I wasn’t that bad when it started. I had been promoted out from under the manager who was driving me crazy; I had moved out of the apartment with dog piss on the floor; I had allowed myself to believe that these external changes meant things were definitely going to get better inside of my crazy head. The first time I listened to One Direction it was foggy in Los Angeles, night but a soft night, darkness you could wrap yourself up in.

I walked to the bus on my way to a friend’s apartment and got taken by storm: yeah the taste of your lips on the tip of my tongue is at the top of the list of the things I want. At the 2:17 mark in 18 the music, which has been spare, so far, solo vocals, acoustic guitar, swells all the way up, orchestral, and all five boys—the last record with five of them on it—come in on an aching harmony: I have loved you since we were 18 / long before we both thought the same thing.

The lyrics are mostly irrelevant but I can’t quote the music behind them at you, so they will have to do. What I am trying to say is: listening to One Direction felt like an inhale. Like the biological opposite of a sigh.

Or: this is my metaphor because when things happen in my head, I feel them in my throat. When my anxiety gets bad, which it was, that fall, that winter, all the following year, it feels like I’m choking no matter what I do. At first I’m afraid to swallow food. Eventually I become afraid to swallow air. I get thin. And then I get shaky.

On the one hand, I came down with a depressive episode because my brain is hardwired for depression, because it can’t manage its chemicals without help sometimes. One the other hand, I came down with this depressive episode because there were a lot of things I wanted that I wasn’t allowing myself to have—or even admit to wanting.

I wanted to leave the job entirely. I wanted to write full-time. I wanted someone to fall in love with me. I wanted to be less accommodating to friends and family and colleagues. I wanted everyone to notice that I was falling apart, like, really, really just coming apart at the seams, but without having to tell them that’s what was happening, you know?

I wanted someone to look at me, and know what I wanted, and then give it to me. A divine intervention in re: desire, which would allow me to pretend I hadn’t wanted anything in the first place. The feminine ideal of pure, generous grace. I could not ask, but I was allowed to receive.

Why wasn’t anyone giving me anything?

Later on the album there is a song called No Control. It’s about fucking. It’s about the ecstasy of submission, of giving yourself up and over to something: powerless / and I don’t care it’s obvious. It is my favorite One Direction song. It might be my favorite song. Do you know who’s allowed to want things? Fucking boys, that’s who. They can yell about it, they can harmonize about it, they can sell out a football stadium and tramp around the stage yelling “NO CONTROL! NO CONTROL!”

I could listen to them in my headphones. I could buy tickets to their concerts and drive six hours in hideous standstill rush hour traffic to be one of the girls shouting back to them “NO CONTROL, NO CONTROL.” I could not submit to my own desire but I could submit to theirs. I could submit myself to become part of their fandom, a screaming mass, subsumed in a rite of girlhood: the windows we find to slip through, the ways we find to give voice to our messy, needy, desperate selves.

I could spend the rest of my life writing essays about One Direction, about girlhood and boyhood and narratives of desire, about depression, about what it feels like to be so shit-scared to admit that you’re lonely that you stop allowing yourself to feel anything at all, just cut off the blood flow until everything goes numb. But it would just be me quoting lyrics at you, trying to use the words to make you understand what it feels like, what it felt like, why I look at a picture of Harry Styles and my heart beats out of time and I don’t think it’s stupid or embarrassing, anymore.

It’s easy to say: I was very depressed, and loving One Direction was a coping mechanism. It’s true, but it’s not—I mean, what I was coping with was not particularly wanting to be alive. Coping sounds like a weak word until it’s all you can do. I was grappling. I was grasping. When I think about the fact that I will willing to grab onto anything, to find something that felt worth clawing my way back for—sorry but, it was brave. Loving One Direction is the bravest thing I’ve ever done. Loving anything is the bravest thing I’ve ever done. It taught me how to be tender again. It was the first step in learning how to let myself survive.

Not Dead Yet (Part 33)

*Hee hee hee*

Pairing: Reader x Peter Pan

Warnings: language


Before Peter and I left to grab more supplies I handed Candace off to Devin. She didn’t like that I was leaving her with some stranger but it was riskier taking her with me to another realm. We grabbed a handful of coins from the treasure chest before leaving.

I had to force Peter to go shopping before we went and started having fun. He complied but was groaning behind me the entire time as I picked out new blankets, tarps, cots, clothes, and canteens to replace all the ones we lost. In the end we had to steal a cart just to lug everything.

“I only came because you said we’d have some fun. It’s been three hours now and I’m still bored to death.” Peter grumbled as he pulled the cart alongside me.

“We’re almost done.” I assured him, “We just need candlesticks and matches. Where do you think those are?”

“How should I know?”

“I thought you said you’ve been to this market before.”

“I’ve been to the inn.”

“I’m not gonna say anything.” I rolled my eyes as we walked past a string of vendors. “I take that back, was the whore you shacked up with the last time you were here happen to be the candlemaker’s daughter because I cannot find the shop anywhere.”

I turned around but Peter was gone. “Peter? Peter?”

I spotted our cart near the corner and saw Peter browsing in a shop. There was a woman that looked to be in her late thirties showing him an array of pencil and charcoal sets. “Ahem,” I stepped up behind him, “I thought you were tired of shopping.”

“For dreadfully boring stuff.” He picked up a wooden case filled with pencils, quills, and an ink pot.

“You gonna get it?” I asked, “If you want it then get it. We have enough money.”

“No, just thought I’d look at it. We need more important things.” he set the case back down. “Do you know where the candle shop is?” He asked the lady.

“Down this lane, take a right, it’s next to the flower shop.” the woman explained.

“Thanks.” Peter walked out of the shop and headed in the direction of the candlemaker.

~~~

After Y/N was done buying the supplies Peter and her settled down at the local tavern for her promised drinks. Currently he was trying to show her how to down a shot to hilarious results.

“You are hopeless. You have to shoot it back not nurse it.”

“I tried the first time, it burned my throat.”

“Come on pet, stop being such a princess.” he poured her another shot. “Go.”

“You’re just trying to get me drunk and you should know that no amount of alcohol is going to get what you want from me.” she took the shot a bit easier this time but still coughed. “Can we stop with the shots? I’m just not getting it.”

“You are no fun.”

“I am tons of fun.”

“Prove it. You said we’d celebrate however I wanted and this is how I want to celebrate.”

“Not my words but I did say we celebrate.” she reached into her pocket and pulled out a little wooden box. It was the same one from the parchment shop Peter had looked at earlier. “Consider this a celebratory gift.”

“I told you I didn’t want it.”

“When do I ever listen to you? You treat yourself all the time, this time it’s my turn.” she pushed the case closer, “Take it. You’re gonna need it.”

“Why would I need it? I already copied down the Believer’s face.”

“Not for that. I know you like to draw. No one gets as good as you without practicing a lot. You just don’t because it’s not the kind of activity the others expect you to enjoy. Stop being the fearless Peter Pan and just be you once in awhile.” she handed him a ream of fresh parchment tied neatly together with string.

“I will take this if you chug a mug of mead right now.”

“How about this. You take it, I’ll chug the mead, but you also have to draw me a new picture since Candace burned my last one.”

“Deal. Two meads.” the bartender set two steins in front of them, “You go ahead and start and I’ll get started on this.”

“I am going to hate myself in the morning.”

“Should we get a room?” Peter asked as she started taking gulps of the frothing drink.

“You had better. I’m not going back to Neverland like this.” she grimaced in dismay at the half drunken glass, “Two rooms. I am not sharing a bed with you again.”

“One of these days you will.” Peter took a sip from his own drink.

“Yeah but we won’t be sleeping.” Y/N muttered and Peter choked. He caught the devious smirk on her face as she downed the rest of her mug. “There, now get drawing.”

“As the lady wishes,” He picked up one of the freshly sharpened pencils and set a piece of paper on the bar. What to draw? Last time he had just given her a portrait of herself but seeing as how she was leaning tipsy on the bar that didn’t seem the best muse.

Y/N is a strange one. Without any effort she can worm her way into his mind and make him do whatever she wants. Keep the phoenix that burnt down the camp? Of course you can. Come shopping for supplies for hours when he had more important matters to attend to? Sure. Get some drinks and stay the night but with little to no chance of finally having sex?  Why not!

He knew he had to respect her. Not doing so came with consequences. What he couldn’t stand was how she knew that she had a certain level of control over him. She knew and she stretched it. She crawled and fought her way into not only being his best friend but also his most trusted confidant and second in command finally knocking Felix from his long running position. She had her own little posse that were more her followers than Peter’s anymore. She was dangerous, strong, clever, sly, and confidant. He didn’t want to think what she could do if she knew magic. If he didn’t know any better he’d be scared she might try to overthrow him on the island. His vicious little Lost Girl.

There she sat giggling to herself and stealing sips from his drink. She had brought him out to celebrate and she was getting drunker than him very fast. “Slow down, pet.” he pulled the mead away from her, “You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

“I’m fine,” her words slurred slightly, “You really think I don’t know my limits?”

“The last time you drank this heavily was years ago. You don’t know the meaning of pacing yourself.” he took a long pull from the mug.

“Who’s the fuddy duddy now?” she leaned heavily on him, “I thought you was drawing me something. There’s nothing there.”

Peter stared back at the blank paper. “Just not inspired enough I suppose. Come on Y/N, I think you’ve had enough.”

“No.” she pushed off him and almost fell off the barstool, “I think I want to try another shot. Get me another shot.”

The bartender gave her an amused smile before setting a shot of whiskey in front of her. She picked it up and shot it back as if she was doing it for years. “See? I got this.”

“If you say so.” Peter packed the pencil set and parchment away, “You stay here, I’m gonna go get us a room. Okay?”

“Yes sir.” she gave a salute that threw herself into another round of drunken giggles. He was going to love lording this over her when she was sober again.

“Good girl. No more shots.”

“Fuddy duddy.” she stuck her tongue out at him before stealing his mug again.

Peter left to get the room. He knew better than to leave her alone and got a room with two beds for the night. He also paid off the tab for all the booze Y/N drank. The whole exchange plus a quick check to make sure their cart was still outside in the stables couldn’t have taken more than ten minutes. He grabbed the key to the room and went to collect Y/N.

When he got back to the bar though his Lost Girl wasn’t where he had left her but instead was hanging off some redheaded clotpole in a corner like some common floozy. Without a moment’s warning he tore the guy off her and pushed him away. “Whoa, what’s your problem?” the guy snarked.

“Back off before you do something you’ll regret.” Peter threatened through clenched teeth.

“Petey, what’s the big idea?” Y/N glared at him, “Why you gotta ruin my fun?”

“I am never taking you drinking again.” Peter muttered to himself and pulled her towards the stairs. “Let’s go.”

“No!” she ripped his arm from him and stumbled back into the redhead. “I was having fun with…this guy.”

“Sorry, looks like the lass has made up her mind, Petey.” the idiot mocked.

“Big mistake.” Peter used his magic and the guy’s neck snapped with a sharp crack. The inn fell into silence as they took a moment to process the dead body on the ground. “Upstairs, now!” he growled as he pulled a stunned Y/N up the steps and shoved her into the room. He doubted anyone would come to throw them out unless they wanted to run the risk of getting killed too.

“Way to go. I finally get some attention and you break his neck.” Y/N pouted as she collapsed back on the one bed. “You’re such a prat.”

“I’m the prat?” he snarled, “What the hell were you doing acting like a tramp for? I thought you were too good to let alcohol affect your judgement.”

She rolled her eyes and started to tug off her boots. “So what? You can go off slipping it to other girls but the second I lay eyes on some other boy and you get all jealous? Hypocrite.”

“I ain’t slipping it to other girls and you know that. There’s no reason for you to be looking at any other guys because if you want that kind of attention you just come to me. Got it?”

“Blah, blah, blah,” she chucked a boot at him, “You’re not so special y’know? Really looking what’s the difference between what he was doing and what you do?”

“Well how’s this for comparison?” he crossed the room and pushed her back on the bed. He pinned her arms up by her head before pressing a hungry angry kiss against her mouth. He was half expecting her to throw him off but given her drunken state she instead kissed him back.

Y/N broke her arms free and wrapped them around his neck to pull him closer. She was certainly stronger when she was drunk and a lot more clingy. All of which was fine with him.

She reached to tug off his shirt. “Not yet,” he pulled back away from her, “No need to rush things we have all night, pet.”

“I thought you liked me.” she mumbled.

“I do.” he pulled her up into his lap, “But you have to let me lead this time.”

“Okey dokey,” she ran her hands through his hair.

The heavy stench of alcohol on her breath hit him like a runaway carriage. She is really drunk isn’t she? Like, probably won’t remember most of what’s going on tomorrow level drunk. A part of him, a very loud part, told him to take advantage of this like he had been hoping to. Another very annoying voice told him that if he went through with this she would never forgive him.

“Son of a bitch…” he pushed her back. She gave him a confused look. “Sorry my dear, not tonight.”

“Huh?” she nestled closer into him batting her eyelashes, “Don’t you want me? Cause I want you. I really really want you.” she leaned in to kiss him again.

“I know you do.” he grabbed her wandering hands, “But you are very drunk and in the morning you won’t remember any of this. When we do get to it I want you to be able to remember every second of you giving into me and wanting me. Okay?”

“Boo!” she pushed off his lap and fell on the floor.

“Come here,” he helped her back up and set her on the bed, “Get some sleep.”

She rested back against the bed before the sound of her soft snores assured Peter she was fast asleep. He fell back against the other bed with a sigh. One day he’ll mute that stupid conscience of his for good. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t have a little fun. He looked back at Y/N as a devious thought drifted into his mind.

~~~

Oh sweet lord above. My head is killing me. I sat up slowly feeling like I was gonna be sick. I am never drinking ever again. This has to be a hundred times worse than the last time Peter and I went drinking. At least this time I didn’t do anything embarrassing. Or did I? I can’t remember much of anything.

I squinted against the harsh light streaming in through the window. Where was Peter? I could use a magical hangover cure. “Look who finally woke up.” Peter was sitting at the small desk near the door. “And it certainly is a good morning.” he eyed me hungrily.

“What are you–” I looked to where he was staring and yelped. I pulled the blanket up to cover my bare chest. Why the hell am I naked? “Peter? What happened last night?”

“You don’t know? I would have thought it was a night well worth remembering.” he smirked at me.

“Oh god,” I buried my aching head in my hands, “Did we…?”

“I’ll let you come to your own conclusions.” he reclined back in the chair. “After all last night you wanted me. Really, really, wanted me. Who am I to deny my Lost Girl what she wants?”

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” I rolled off the bed.

“Now that’s just harsh.”

“No, I mean I’m actually–” I clasped my hands over my mouth as a wave of nausea swept over me. I threw the window open and heaved over the side. Once the contents of my stomach were gone I sunk down to my knees and pressed my burning face against the cool wooden sill. “Kill me…”

“How about this instead?” he pressed his hands to either side of my head as my hangover started to abate.  “If this was gonna be your reaction I’m glad I didn’t actually go through with it.” Peter tsked.

“What?”

“Y/N, do you actually believe that you and I had sex last night? I know you were pretty far gone but seriously, does anything feel different?”

Now that he mentioned it I didn’t feel any different. At least not in the way losing my virginity should feel I suppose. “But if we didn’t have sex, then why am I naked?”

“Just a bit of fun. I wanted to see how you’d react if you thought we really did the deed.” he dangled my knickers off his finger, “I guess you’ll be wanting these back.”

“You ass!” I snatched them from him as I rushed to put my clothes back on, “You inconceivably obnoxious asshole! Don’t do that!” I proceeded to smack him over the head with my boot.

“Hey! Ouch! Hey–Ow–Quit it!” he grabbed the boot out of my hands. “It was just a joke.”

“Not to me! You don’t joke about that kind of stuff with me!” I shouted at him. “You are so lucky that you didn’t actually go through with it because if you did–”

“You’d chop me into tiny bits and feed me to the wolves?” he sat down on the edge of the bed. “Hate me forever? Never forgive me?”

“Well…yes,” I shrugged, “But most of all I would just be disappointed that you wouldn’t have respected me enough to wait for my sober consent for something like that. I know it’s just sex but I have some self respect. I don’t need your opinion of me lowered any more by giving you an excuse to think of me as nothing more than some drunk common tramp.”

“Y/N,” he sighed with a smile, “If I thought you were just some common tramp last night would have ended much differently. But you are not. You’re my Lost Girl and all that implies. Also I just got you to start talking to me again, why would I risk your wrath by doing something so dimwitted as belittling your value to me?”

“I guess I have trouble remembering that you don’t hate me.” I sat down on the other bed and drew my knees to my chest.

“You aggravate me for sure.” Peter laughed, “You’re annoying and stubborn and nosey and incredibly disrespectful–”

“Does this have an ending anytime soon?” I snapped.

“Almost. You’re also very hot-tempered, reckless, condescending, cocky, but also very kind, thoughtful, protective of your friends, loyal, and intelligent. Also if it wasn’t obvious you are an attractive minx.” I hid my pleased smile behind my knees. He noticed and reached to pull my face from its hiding place. “What I’m trying to say is that all those tiresome and endearing traits of yours are what make you my Lost Girl. You’re my friend, I can detest you but I could never hate you. Not anymore at least.”

I cast my gaze around the room so he couldn’t see how happy his words made me. “I don’t hate you either.” I mumbled under my breath, “I know I say I do but I really don’t. Not even close.”

“I know.” he held my face in his hands pressing my forehead to his, “If there is anything I can do to ease your worrisome little heart that you are not in fact just some floozy to me, name it and it will be done.”

“Anything?” I quirked an eyebrow up at the generous offer.

“Within reason.” he was quick to add.

I let out a small chuckle as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Ironically, I can think of one thing.”


(Part 1) (Previous) (Next)

anonymous asked:

In my HC Gladdy's favorite song is George Michael's Father Figure. Do you have any theme songs in mind for the boys?

Songs that the guys like or songs that make me think of them? I’m gonna do songs that make me think of them

For the entire game: [Smoke and Mirrors] by Imagine Dragons AND [We Will Not Go Quietly] by Sixx:A.M.

Noctis,  [Heart of Fire] by Black Veil Brides

Prompto,  [Immortals] by Fall Out Boy

Gladio,  [Diamond Eyes] by Shinedown

Ignis, [Wolf At Your Door] by Sixx:A.M.

Bonus: Aranea, [Gasoline] by Porcelain and the Tramps

2

-meeting at a party, or in the caf, or at a coffee shop

-his frat brothers teasing him endlessly about you

-especially when he gets all head over heals for you

-like when he worries about asking you out because what if you say no?

-but they get him all pumped up and he asks you out and he says yes so they throw a party because you said yes to a date!

-you getting invited to this said party and they have to lie about the real reason for the party because that would be dorky (but Teddy lets it slip)

-Teddy would crash your dates so much!

-like you and Pete would be innocently watching a movie and Teddy would just sit between the two of you like ‘hey kids, we using protection?’

-or you’d be in Pete’s room and Teddy would open the door and peak in like ‘hey kids, we using protection?’ (also who is we?)

-meeting for dates outside the frat house and the whole frat will wake up to watch it because you and Pete are so cute

-and if you kiss outside the frat? they whistle like crazy

-the frat are like your brothers too. like if any of them see you in public they go into big brother mode, no one will hit on you while you have your army of frat boys protecting you

-date night where he tries to make you classic Italian Pasta and uses this horrible italian accent but probably ends in some super cute Lady in The Tramp type stuff

-he’d love giving your piggy back rides

-kissing like you’re the only two people in the world

-at parties its like he sees no other girls, there’s only you and him

-the brothers actually getting protective of you when Pete gets too touchy feely in public which is super weird?

-Teddy would be the type to invite you over to hang out with him

-or he would try to steal you while you’re on dates with Pete

-the guys would all love you so much they’d all want your attention 

-trying to convince the frat that they should be nicer to their neighbours

-the Radners actually letting you and Pete baby sit Stella?

-Pete would just get all heart eyes when he sees you with baby Stella. then he’s like damn, i want a baby with her and he gets all freaked out because this is Pete

-music festivals together

-cuddles in bed all day-you can talk to him about anything, hes so smart you can never be bored with him

-studying together

-studying during sex, like you’d have him reciting stuff and terms while you’re doin it

-the frat making fun of you two that one time you did it in the frat house, so you never do it in the frat house again

-the entire frat house probably helping Pete surprise you for your anniversary. letting Garfield and Scoonie take care of the cakes was not Pete’s best idea since they made a dick shaped cake. then repeatedly told Pete to eat it.

-romantic dancing in the christmas light lit backyard (the boys totally recording all of it)

-Teddy would actually get jealous because he wants that kind of relationship

-”cant i borrow your girlfriend?”

-”no Teddy, you can not borrow Y/N.”

-the frat making new drinks and naming them after you then forcing you to try them.

-”try it! i call it the Shining Goddess That Is Y/N!”

-”ew what’s in this Scoonie?!”

-”whiskey, vodka, coca cola and orange juice, but i blended some popcorn left over from the movie i went to last night and let it sit in the popcorn for an hour.”

-after that Pete protected you from Scoonie’s drink by distracting him in time for you to spit it out or just like dump it into a plant

************

requested by anon

this sort of turned into what dating the frat would be like TBH :)

Random Pegasus headcanons of the day:

Duel Academy students come together to create their own extra-ciriccular activities, one of them being a theater club. Pegasus is so impressed with the effort that he coaches them through plays and manages to blackmail headmaster Kaiba into attending one at the end of the year graduation ceremony.

o To go along with the above headcanon, Pegasus doing singing warm-ups with rapt attention and enthusiasm.

o Pegasus inviting the gang, who reluctantly agree, back to Duelist Kingdom for a beach vacation before Anzu goes abroad. His guests unanimous favorite dish is the one he named after himself, “Creme de la Crawford” which is seriously just a plate of belgian waffles with whipped cream, fresh strawberries, and strawberry sundae syrup. He’s an eternal five year old.

Pegasus playing peek-a-boo with fussy babies at nearby restaurant tables.

Pegasus anonymously leaving food and blankets for the homeless.

o Pegasus later paying for them to have a place to stay, and an opportunity to learn a trade.

o Pegasus anonymously paying to replace the dropped ice cream cone of a small child - with a gigantic, twelve scoop, multiple topping sundae.

o Pegasus replacing the usual “-boy” or “-girl” endearments with “-dear” for the DM next gen babies. (Say we pretend *cough* headcanon *cough* that Yugi and Anzu have a son named Sugoroku) “Sugoroku-dear.”

o Pegasus spends countless hours watching disney movies to help stimulate his creative energy. (Anyone recognize the “John-dear” trend from Lady & The Tramp?)

(Not gonna lie, I will probably edit this with more.)

For the lovers with sharp teeth and even sharper tongues. Who whisper “I hate you” between moans. It’s not love, but that’s okay, love isn’t what they’re looking for. [LISTEN]

Animals - Maroon 5 // Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge // Friction - Imagine Dragons // Flesh - Simon Curtis // Biting Down - Lorde // Irresistible - Fall Out Boy // Kiss With A Fist - Florence and the Machine // Get On Your Knees - Nicki Minaj feat. Ariana Grande // The Sex Is Good - Saving Abel // I Like It Rough - Lady Gaga // Bruises & Bitemarks - Good With Grenades // One More Night - Maroon 5 // I’m Your Favourite Drug - Porcelain and The Tramps // FMLYHM - Seether // Chew Me Up & Spit Me Out - Cobra Starship // Tell Me Where It Hurts - Halestorm // Love, Sex, Death - Fall Out Boy // Addicted - Saving Abel // Hatefuck - The Bravery // I Almost Told You That I Loved You - Papa Roach 

give em hell kid

he’s hurt you, she’s a bitch, they’re all trying to piss you off

show them how badass you are honey!

- antivist/bring me the horizon

- primadonna/marina and the diamonds

- aint it fun/paramore

- ignorance/paramore

- fuck you/lily allen

- weightless/all time low

- my songs know what you did in the dark/fall out boy

- gives you hell/all american rejects

- weighted/frnkiero andthe cellabration

- snap out of it/arctic monkeys

- mnstr/crown the empire

- phantom/dead!

- tell me i’m a wreck/every avenue

- rat a tat/fall out boy

- i don’t care/fall out boy

- gold/imagine dragons

- hey i dont know/kongos

- b team/marianas trench

- shake tramp/marianas trench

- big girl (you are beautiful)/mika

- dead!/my chemical romance

- on the brightside/nevershoutnever

- this means war/nickelback

- so what/p!nk

- raise your glass/p!nk

- misery business/paramore

- happy/pharell williams

- why’ you bring a shotgun to the party/the pretty reckless

- zombie/the pretty reckless

- blank space/taylor swift

- shake it off/taylor swift

- burn down the cinema/ugly love

- forget you/cee lo green

- hail to the king/avenged sevenfold

now show them who’s boss!!

She bad (Cameron Dallas)

It’s been forever since I went out and I felt like going to the club. Typical white girl shit of course. I straightened my long black hair and put on my winged eyeliner then some mascara and called it quits. I smirked looking at my favorite black heels and slipped them on to go with my low cut dress and black lace stockings.

I looked in the mirror and fixed my lip piercing then smoothed out my dress. I turned to check out my ass because what girl doesn’t. I honestly liked my thick thighs and big booty. Most of my close girlfriends got mad because I always posed a threat when their guys were around, but tonight was about me.

I walked downstairs and headed out grabbing my car keys. I got into my red 2015 Corvette Stingray and drove to the club.

When I arrived I saw a crowd of 15 to 18 year old girls. I looked around to see what the rave was about and shook my head when seeing the Magcon tour bus. I just laughed at them and pushed past them. One girl grabbed my arm and gave me a disgusted look.

“Back of the line tramp,” She sneered.

I chuckled and looked at her “Babygirl my parents own this place let go of my arm or your ass is headed to the slammer.”

“Oh,” she said going pale as I laughed and started to walk inside. I hated to admit it but my parents were loaded, not me. But they let me live the lavish life because it makes them look better.

“Hey Y/N, nice to see you back.” The bouncer nodded letting me in.

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“Those Magcon boys are lurking somewhere in there, be careful.”

“I will,” I waved and started to walk inside. I ran my fingers through my hair and headed to the bar. I smiled at the familiar faces and the strange ones as well. I ordered a shot of Bacardi and downed in that’s when I heard the cat call. I turned and looked around to see a group of boys that I assumed were the Magcon boys.

I smirked and swayed my hips a bit as I walked over to them. I stopped when I was standing between the legs of a tan boy with light brown hair.

“How may I help you?” I raised an eyebrow.

He bit his lip and whispered something to his friends then he sat up a bit and patted his lap. I shook my head and crossed my arms.

“Come on babe, it’s my birthday.” He smiled and I smirked.

“Then in that case I’ll be right back.”

He visibly gulped and I walked to the DJ telling him to play “She Bad” by the same boy I was about to give a lap dance too. I walked back over and the song started. He bit his lip and looked at me as I turned and started to sway my hips to the music. His friends were hooting and hollering as I “twerked” to the beat. I turned around and straddled his lap and sat down. I ran my hands up and down his chest as I grinned down giving him a lap dance.

He placed his hands on my hips and bit his lip harder. I ran my fingers through my hair one last time and moved it to the side as I chastely kissed his neck. I felt him harden beneath me and my smiled against the skin of his neck.

The song was half way through when he grabbed my hips trying to slow me down. But I didn’t pay attention I went at my desired pace dancing on his lap. His bulge growing by the second. And that’s when he tightened his grip even more and whispered in my ear.

“Lets hit the bathroom babygirl.” His voice raspy and hoarse and his brown eyes hooded with lust.

I bit my lip and stood taking his hand and leading him to a lounge that was never used. I closed the door and locked it then I felt his erection press against my back side.

“Fuckin’ tease,” He moaned softly as I pushed my bum back.

I moaned softly as his hand trailed down my hip to my core where he rubbed my heat through my stockings and panties. I gasped when he ripped my stockings open then ripping my panties as well. His fingers trailed up and down my slit collecting my juices and rubbing my cl-t a few times. I turned to face him and he places his fingers in his mouth sucking them softly. He stepped closer and lifted one of my legs placing it around his waist as he pushed his briefs down.

My breathe hitched as he wasted no time pushing himself into me. His lips parted and his brow furrowed as he thrusted slowly.

“So tight baby,” He moaned softly.

“Just for you babe,” I whimpered as his thumb started to work my cl-t.

His head fell to my neck where he nipped and kissed the flesh as he slowly thrusted into me pushing deeper each time. His forehead now covered in a thin layer of sweat as I pushed the fallen hairs back into place. I laced my fingers through his hair and kissed him roughly as he started to speed up. I pulled the hair towards the back of his neck in small tugs causing him to moan louder and grip my hips tighter as he started to pound into me. He stood up straighter and hit my g-spot causing me to moan in a high tone.

“Right there Cam, fuck me baby just like that,” I moaned feeling my climax approach.

“Cum for me like a good girl,” He grunted as his pace grew sloppy.

His fingers worked my bundle of nerves while he pounded into my g-spot. My thighs shook and I threw my head back against the door as I came.

“Fuck Cam!” I shouted as he went harder finding his own release. He hid his face in the crook of my neck as he rode out our climaxes.

“Shit babe,” He moaned and pulled out quickly pulling his briefs and pants back up. I giggled and pulled my dress down.

“That was a first, never fucked a Magcon boy.”

“Thanks,” He smiled softly and blushed a bit.

“Happy birthday Baby,” I cooed and unlocked the door walking off.

I left him standing there as I walked off amused.

Disney Love Songs for FT Ships

Gray and Juvia: True to Your Heart from Mulan

“Baby I knew at once that you were meant for me. Deep in my soul I know that I’m your destiny. Though you’re unsure, why fight the tide? Don’t think so much. Let your heart decide." 

Not so much the movie itself, but this song pretty much describes their relationship at this point. Juvia literally needs to sing this to him. 

Natsu and Lucy: A Whole New World from Aladdin 

"A whole new world. A hundred thousand things to see. I’m like a shooting star. I’ve come so far. I can’t go back to where I used to be.”

I was trying to find something else because I’ve seen this comparison made a few times before, but nothing was more fitting. He did bring her to the guild after all. 

Gajeel and Levy: Can You Feel the Love Tonight from The Lion King

“I can see it happening. (What?) And they don’t have a clue. (Who?) They’ll fall in love and here’s the bottom line, our trio’s down to two. (Oh)”

Can we all just come together and picture Jet and Droy as Timon and Pumba? That’s pretty much my sole explanation for this choice. 

Jellal and Erza: Love Will Find a Way from The Lion King II

“In a perfect world, one we’ve never known, we would never need to face the world alone. They can have the world, we’ll create our own. I may not be brave or strong or smart, but somewhere in my secret heart I know love will find a way. Anywhere I go, I’m home, if you are there beside me.”

Okay. This is my favorite Disney love song of all time, but it’s terribly underrated because sequels generally get no love lol. This is basically the Jerza anthem. I cannot even put into words how beautiful their love is. 

Sting and Yukino: Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella (The 1997 film version)

“Am I making believe I see in you a man too perfect to be really true? Do I want you because you’re wonderful, or are you wonderful because I want you? Are you the sweet invention of a lover’s dream, or are you really as wonderful as you seem?”

So, am I the only one watching Yukino slowly fall for Sting 2.0? (The way she looks at him, though) Ugh, these two need more screen time together lol. But I could definitely see her questioning herself like Cinderella in the song (just, you know, not out loud to him. I think poor Yukino would faint)

Rogue and Kagura: So Close from Enchanted 

“So close to reaching that famous happy end. Almost believing this was not pretend. And now you’re beside me, and look how far we’ve come. So far we are so close.”

Alright, I know they haven’t really interacted on screen but hear me out lol. I think that after they met, they would begin to have feelings for each other and immediately start trying to rationalize them away. Frosch (and company) would plot to get them together in some outrageous way leading to a situation that could be described by the lyrics above. (I should just write a fanfic already lol)

Laxus and Mirajane: He’s a Tramp from Lady and the Tramp

“He’s a tramp. He’s a scoundrel. He’s a rounder. He’s a cad. He’s a tramp, but I love him. Yes even I have got it pretty bad." 

What can I say? Mira loves her bad boy. 

Bacchus and Cana: I Won’t Say I’m in Love from Hercules 

If there’s a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I’ve already won that. No man is worth the aggravation. That’s ancient history – been there, done that.“ 

Tbh, I don’t really ship this (I don’t mind it either) but Cana’s the only FT girl I can imagine having enough experience to identify with Meg. 

Elfman and Evergreen: Tale as Old as Time from Beauty and the Beast

Tale as old as time. True as it can be. Barely even friends, then somebody bends unexpectedly.“ 

This was pretty much the progression of their relationship in a nutshell. 

Sigh…finals week literally just ended and already, this is what I’m doing with my time. 

Les Amis and Tattoos

- Even though his hands and arms are covered in scribbled ink notes 24/7, Enjolras can't stand the thought of having something permanently etched onto his body. Still, he can appreciate the rugged attractiveness of tattoos on other people (*cough cough* GRANTAIRE).

- Combeferre and Joly are both apprehensive about tattoos in general, (What if you regret it later? What if the artist didn’t sanitize their supplies?? What if it gets infected and you lose an arm????). But Combeferre, like Enjolras, finds tattoos attractive on certain people.

** Joly once gave himself a stick-on temporary tattoo and it was the single most exhilarating day of his life.

- Unsurprisingly, Grantaire’s body is a living canvas, and most of his tattoos were done by either Feuilly or himself (considering he’s a licensed tattoo artist with a nonexistent pain limit). Beautiful abstract designs cover his upper back and shoulders, poke-and-stick symbols show up wherever he can reach to put them, and quotes cover the uneven, scarred skin of his inner arms and thighs. His body is essentially his journal, and Enjolras is fascinated by every inch of him.

- Under their cuddly sweaters and blouses, Jehan actually has full sleeve tattoos (surprise!) of skulls, ravens, abstract ink-like shapes, and various flowers. Plus “nevermore” at the base of their neck, “amor est vitae essentia” on their wrist, and more flowers on their prominent hipbones.

- Bossuet got a tramp stamp of “dat boi” when it first became popular, only to watch the joke die a week later. Yes, he was fully sober when he got this tattoo. Yes, Grantaire was the only artist he could persuade to tattoo it on him. Yes, Joly nearly hyperventilated the first time he saw it. 

- Courfeyrac hasn’t gotten a tattoo yet, and isn’t sure if he has plans to. His interests change so often he’s too afraid to commit to any specific design. However, he’s a huge fan of Sharpie tattoos, and thankfully Grantaire and Feuilly are willing to scribble on him every now and then.

- Once upon a time, Bahorel went to the tattoo parlor with plans of getting a full sleeve that encompassed part of his chest. Half of a barb-wire arm cuff later, he was choking back tears as Feuilly held his hand and Grantaire mopped his forehead with a wet towel. He passed out twice before Grantaire could finally finish the arm cuff, and now relies entirely on those giant arcade-machine temporary tattoos to top off the look.

- Feuilly still has spider webs tattooed on his elbows from when he used to hang out with a rougher crowd, as well as an old-fashioned anchor on his calf. Grantaire got him hooked on poke-and-stick tattoos after giving him a simple paper fan design on the inside of his arm. Now, his goal is to eventually give himself some tattoos representing each of his friends.

OhioSherry possibilities:
  • Enemies-to-friends-to-lovers scenarios, or even just flirty enemies scenarios
  • Scenarios that take advantage of their snowy setting, where the girls can either be cute and snuggly with mugs of hot cocoa and warm sweaters, or pelt the shit out of each other with snowballs until one of them is victorious and one of them is cold and wet and swearing revenge
  • The boys playing matchmaker and attempting to hook the girls up, with hilarious results
  • Following up on that, Ezra suggests that Sherry join them for a DnD session as a way for Vera and Sherry to hang out/flirt.
  • Also following up on that, the guys try to make them a spaghetti dinner based off that one scene in Lady and the Tramp, singing included. They can’t sing but they try their damnedest to make the night special for their gal pals.
  • Both sides take a night off from their fight and have a drink/karaoke night. Vera and Sherry sing karaoke badly together. It’s fun.
  • High school AUs involving nerd girl Vera and jock girl Sherry who is crushing on the nerd girl
Requested: Jealousy & Fireworks  // Chris Evans x Reader

Request:  Can I request a fan fiction where Chris and the reader go to universal and she takes him to the marvel strip to take pictures with captain America or something?

Characters: Chris Evans & Reader

Summary: All you wanted was two Captain’s to meet, but you got a whole lot more out of it than you were asking for ; ) 

Warnings: A small tiny amount of smut / swearing / jealousy

Word Count: 1000+ 


          You want to get a picture of him with Captain America Marvel Strip, it was an opportunity that you couldn’t miss. And would refuse to miss even though your boyfriend whined he wanted his turkey leg. After ten minutes of you dragging him over to the strip, you finally let him go to the stand, telling him you’d be by the Marvel strip if he wanted a girlfriend to hang out with.

Little did you know that being at the Marvel strip alone was a dangerous game. Because not even a minute into meeting the Fake Captain America, did he start in on the cheesy one liners.

“Are you from heaven? Because you look angelic in this lighting.” Dear jesus. Help this boy. “I don’t think I can go another minute without asking your name.”

“It’s YN,” I responded, crossing my arms over my chest. But this Cap was persistent. He wasn’t one to give up easily… maybe that was the Captain suit getting to him. Because he certainly was not going to win this battle of my heart. For out of the corner of my eye I saw my real Cap throwing an already devoured turkey leg into a trash bin, and stalking over. He couldn’t even hear the shit this guy was throwing at me. He only saw the seductive stance he had over you, since you were leaning against the smoothed granite wall. His arm was above your head and he was smirking at your emotionless eyes. This was enough ammo for Chris too feel the green in his eyes start to take over.

But here you were, still letting Fake Cap was flirt with you, “I’m pretty strong, they say… and I have a good packaged punch.” You couldn’t help by giggle at the horrible scene that was him trying to flirt with you. Fake Cap seemed horrified by your reaction but you just couldn’t help yourself from giggling. Laughter just kept coming bouncing out of you, easing a little bit as you turned back, seeing past the sun, thanks to your boyfriend’s cap on your head. Smiling you waved for Chris to come over, and meet his representative on the Marvel Strip in California. Chris came up to your side smiling proudly down at you. He kissed your lips quickly before wrapping an arm around your waist and giving Fake Cap a smile of ‘your fucked’.

The boy seemed mortified by now, and was slowly backing up. Putting his hands up in a plea for forgiveness, Chris immediately saw that his anger was useless on this kid. So he let out a friendly chuckle and motioned for him to lower his hands.

“At ease, soldier. And also, Captain America does not back down. Come on, man! That’s rule one in training to be Captain America! Did they not give you the manual?”

Walking over to a Scaredy Cap, Chris gave a nice slap on the boy’s back loudly. Making the poor kid jump with the whites of his eyes on full display. You smiled at the boy, trying to get him to calm down. He was a kid after all. I mean, what harm could the, presumably, 18 year old do?

Suddenly an idea popped into your head, and you reached for your phone before Chris could protest. “Babe! Get a pic with your twin. I need this as a home screen.” The boy said quickly that he wouldn’t charge us for the photo, but you shook your head.

“Hey. I was a kid in high school and in college once, too. A person’s gotta get money somehow! Besides, your cutey. You deserve an extra buck.” Winking at him, as you walked closer, reaching into your pocket to fish for a twenty, but Chris was already handing the kid a $100.

The sad, petrified teen almost started crying at the sight of the bill but took it with gratitude, smiling at us both. Chris just shook his head, when Fake Cap started saying “Thank you, oh my god. Oh god, thank you. Thank you!” Over and over again.

 “Dude, it’s fine. Just keep your hands off my girl and stay in school.” Nodding rapidly, you backed up with your money still in your pocket, thanks to Chris and his heroic real-life self.

Always giving, that one…

Snapping back into reality quickly you held up your phone, with your finger lingering over the button. “Okay, on three say ‘Captain America’s!’ One, two, three!” They said it with blushing faces at the attention they’d gotten. Chris tilted his cap down, realizing people were staring and decided to leave this joint before we were busted and twenty 40 year old mom’s came running over for a picture with Real Cap. Or really, Screen Cap.

“T-thanks for being so cool.” You heard behind you while walking away with Chris’s arm slung over your shoulder. He was talking to you and you knew it by the sheepish look of embarrassment from hitting on you minutes ago.

“It’s no big deal. Have a good day!” Waving nicely you turned back around and looked up at your boyfriend who’s face looked like it was about to burst. With laughter, of course.

“What’s so funny?”

Chris cracked and let out his ginormous laugh. Clutching his idiotic left boob, trying to tell me through breathless giggles, “Boy Cap really is a tramp.”

“That’s so rude! He’s been in the ice for god’s sake how long? 70 years, he deserves some nice action.”

“I deserve some nice action for not yelling at my alter ego who wanted to fuckin’ have you right on the street!” Chris looked down at me, letting his right arm come off my shoulder where I was holding his hanging hand lovingly with my right hand. Stopping the two of us in the middle of the square. His eyes were showing hints of seriousness so I softened them with a toothy smile, my eyes bright against the dawning sun of the muggy August day. Looking up at him, I lifted my heels and pecked his lips. He let his hands come up and hold my cheeks as I leaned in for support at standing on my heels for so long. He deepened the kiss, letting his tongue come into play. His eyes were fluttered shut, protected by those damn eyelashes even I was jealous of. I opened my mouth partially, just for a breath of air and leaned back, still letting Chris cup my cheeks with his hands. Opening my eyes I saw his eyes were already waiting for mine. My big, rounded brown eyes to his striking blue’s.

“Well I mean… It is Cap… but I really do prefer my captain to be blue eyed, brown haired, with a beard coming along his jaw.” A smirk appeared on his face as he leaned out, letting a conversation take the space between our lips distance from each other.

“Really?” I nodded, seriousness in my eyes by playful tones on my tongue,

“Oh yes, and I also prefer him in ball caps, especially the Maples Leafs one, or a Red Sox cap.”

“You’re a tease, you know that?”

“A tease you’d like to squeeze? Am I right? Ahh!” Chris tickled my sides as I squealed, trying to run but getting no more than a foot before he swung me back in his arms. Holding me with my back to his chest. “I’ll squeeze you anywhere, anytime, anyday. I’d squeeze one in actually right now, but I think Disney has some rules against that.” I giggled as he talked to me, his mouth was inches from my neck, making it heated with his breath, but mostly with his words. The heat rose to my face, and I leaned against his back, looking up at the sunset in front of Cinderella’s castle.

Fairytale ending to a perfect day huh?

Cotton candy, two captains, getting hit on by one, and 99% likely to be having sex with the other one sooner rather than later. Because Chris was now pulling me to the bathroom, where the lines had petered out since it was close to fireworks. “I want to see the fireworks, though.” I whined, rushing into the men’s bathroom by the tug of Chris’s hand.

“Oh, you’ll be seeing fireworks, babe.” He opened the handicap stall, and locked it tight behind him, turning around to face me, he took one look at me and charged forward, locking my lips in a tight duet with his. His kisses with like alcohol, strong, hard alcohol that got me drunk if I got enough of it or a hit of it that was too strong. This kiss was only proving that, because I was seeing stars in my head, before he even had a hand under my shirt, just our lips together in a fast paced dance that swept me off my feet.

Even in a bathroom stall, Chris Evans could still make me quiver at a single touch. It had been the hottest day of the year, leaving both of us with dewy skin. Sweat, covered skin that was stuck together now as we removed any article of clothing we had on our bodies. Chris’s back was lifted and bare it stuck to the wall, as he took me in his arms, letting me wrap my legs around his waist before settling in on an exclusive roller coaster ride. Our moans, screams, and shouts were blocked out by the fireworks that were shooting into the sky outside of the stall, just above the heads two thousand people. We didn’t need to see those fireworks though, because we were making our very own in that moment of time.


I hope you guys enjoyed this, it’s not my best but I’m jumping back into posting stories even if I’m not 100% confident with them, because I know these requests mean the world to some, when I request it’s because I truely want an imagination to come to life. I just hope this is what I gave you, Miss Anonymous ;) 

Requests? Open 

A/N: Sorry for the late delay, hope it was okay for you lovely! I wonder if you even remember sending this! But apologizes aside thank you for your requests. 

Requests mean the world to writers. Honestly. 

Little Moments

Takes place in/around the end scene of 8x22


Quiet; the first thing Kate is aware of that morning is the atypical quiet. The sounds of the streets below—the squeal of cars breaking, the thrum of engines accelerating down the street, and the occasional toot of a car horn—are still there, but after over four decades in the city those sounds have become nothing more than white noise. Beside her, Castle’s rhythmic breathing is interrupted occasionally by a snuffle and she faintly hears the tick-tock of a clock in the office, but otherwise it’s quiet.

A soft smile crosses her face when she rolls onto her back an curls her toes—two of them cracking on each foot. Ah, a quiet morning. Those have become so few and far between these days. Someone is always squealing, laughing or crying out for Mommy or Daddy. The twins, who practically from birth have had their own language, are becoming more curious every day—asking questions she never even thought of. God, she loves that. She loves seeing the world from their eyes; it’s unquestionably one of her favorite parts of parenthood. Better yet, through the eyes of two mini-Castles. They both have their father’s sense of mischief—Jake a little more than Reese. And Lily? Oh her sweet little girl amazes her every day. Every time she has to ask “Did I ever do this when I was her age?” her father is right there to confirm that absolutely, yes she did.

With her eyes shut and hands folded against her stomach, Kate enjoys her reflection until a sensation against her cheek causes her to start. She opens her eyes, sucks in breath, and feels it again: a tiny line drawn down her cheek and across her jaw only this time it’s accompanied by, “Mama?”

Keep reading

team skull
  • guzma and plumerias tattoos are the temporary tattoos they just stick them on everyday or
  • plums are real and guzma got half of one but cried like “a little bitch”
  • they used to give the grunts temporary tattoos but too many just slap them on their face
  • also a lot of the boys used them as “tramp stamps”
  • theres at least 5 wimpods named roomba and theyre all guzmas
  • guzma def. owns a mimikyu and loves it v much cuz he knows what its like to not be the best™
  • the grunts filled a tub with clear orbeez to prank guzma
  • it didnt work
  • sure did get gladion though 

holdiays??? holidays

  • thanksgiving is simultaniously the best and worst holiday for team skull since they cant cook. dinner is turkey sandwhiches more often than not
  • christmas is another fun holiday
  • guzma and a few grunts try to catch a sudowudo or trevenant for a tree every year
  • gladion and plumeria have given up on telling him not to
  • they put up any and every colorful light all over the mansion
  • this also means putting fake candles in the empty bottles in guzmas room
  • guzma and plumeria do their best to get the younger grunts good presents
  • one year they wrapped guzma up in lights, made the lights flash extremely fast, and then proceeded to have a festive rave
  • the grunts make popsicle stick decorations for the tree (if they get an actual one)
The only 2 new characters anyone cares about

#1 in my heart.  Seung-gil. From the instant he arrived on the scene with his bulldog with headphones T-shirt and extreme apathy I was in love.

Much apathy. More eyebrows.

He has no time for your nonsense. He is a focused skating machine.

Who shakes his booty for the camera.

I love the contrast between his flamboyant as hell outfit and peppy music and complete lack of expression. 

Who needs to concentrate on skating? I’m going to multiply things in my head while I do it because I am the just awesome like that. I want to kidnap him and Yurio and lock them in a room and make them interact.

#2 Character, but not a personal favorite of mine (still better than Chris though, so there’s that) “JJ” 

I… don’t even know where to start with this boy. The tramp stamp and butt close-up?

The shirtless rock band singing while wearing his medal???

Kissing his reflection?

The most overthought gang sign ever? 

I don’t even know. I want to beat him over the head with a rock on principal. Plus he was mean to kitty-chan, which is unforgivable. 

Poor Phichit, everyone loved you but now you have no screen time. Will your fans be fickle? 

Easy A (2010 Film) : Sentence Starters
  • "Whatever happened to chivalry?"
  • "Why does that matter - I'm adopted!"
  • "Relax! Jesus."
  • "Are you really that repulsed by lady parts?"
  • "Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason."
  • "I might even lose my virginity to him/her."
  • "What do you think I have down there? A gnome?"
  • "If I can keep the girls off the pole and the boys off the pipe, I get a bonus."
  • "Perhaps you should embroider a red A on your wardrobe, you abominable tramp."
  • "Perhaps you should get a wardrobe, you abominable twat."
  • "There's a whole jar of them in the fridge!"
  • "Is there a _______ here?"
  • "There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency."
  • "Who gives a rat's ass?"
  • "(S)He got a Coke Zero AGAIN."
  • "The books you read in class always seems to have a strong connection with whatever angsty adolescent drama is being recounted."
  • "There's a young (wo)man here to see you."
  • "I thought I was gonna have to spend my dowry on booze and pills to numb the loneliness."
  • "A gentleman caller, hurray!"
  • "If God wanted him/her to graduate, then God would have given him/her the right answers."
  • "I'm sorry, but you gotta be shittin' me, woman."
  • "A is for Awesome."
  • "Haven't you heard? I already did."
  • "The family member of the week gets to pick the movie."
  • "I just hope for your sake you had the good sense to use protection."
  • "I have been... whoring around a lot."
  • "Yes, I am a big fat slut."
  • "I was just wondering if there's a minster around?"
  • "Are you accusing me of nepotism?"
  • "Because a real whore can't even admit it to herself/himself, let alone another person."
  • "Because I slept with a whole bunch of people. Mostly guys."
  • "Aren't you supposed to be eternally in love with him/her and shit?"
  • "No judgment, but you kind of look like a stripper."
  • "You'd think, but _______ is a homophobe, which is why I called him/her a fascist."
  • "You know, the pill is not 100% effective."
  • "Not with a fizzle, but with a bang."
  • "Blech! Worst song ever!"
  • "Just because you lost your virginity doesn't mean you can go around throwing your cat at everybody!"
  • "I'm swell, guy-I've-never-laid-eyes-on-before. Thanks for asking."
  • "The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated."
  • "And as we all know, by "magic" I mean "nothing.""
  • "Not now I don't, shit-dick."
  • "Fine. I'd be the dirtiest skank they've ever seen."
  • "I'm drunk. What's up, bitches?"
  • "I started piling on lie after lie."
  • "Well, that's because you're a virgin."
  • "After we watch "The Bucket List," remember to cross "watch 'The Bucket List'" off our bucket list."
  • "A high-end stripper, for governors or athletes."
  • "Aren't there, like, child labor laws against this?"
  • "Let me just begin by saying that there are two sides to every story."
  • "This is my side, the right one."

anonymous asked:

Jily modern muggle AU headcannons? <3

OH BOY YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO MY FRIEND

  • TATTOOS- ok so lily has a number of little tattos here and there, including a band around her bicep which says ‘fuck you’ in different languages as well as feminist in all caps down her ribs, james and sirius have mtaching half sleves which is pretty much just crappy doodles that the two of them came up with when they were drunk, remus has a solar system tat, and peter a compass
  • also lily and sirius have matching ironic tramp stamps because they’re BROS (sirius’s one is made out of petunias because I’M OBVIOUS)
  • anyway james is a fucking dork
  • i mean no matter what universe he’s in he’s a dork but i digress
  • he’s kind of a hipster with clunky glasses and oversized jumpers/ more flannel than anyone should reall own, his instagram is half aesthetic™ half the marauders doing stupid shit, his facebook is mostly memes and subtle dragging, his twitter is a lot of football updates/ stats
  • he’s probably read a lot of oscar wilde but also spends his weekends watching drunk history with sirius so
  • family is very very rich which means he kinds of take things for granted a lot
  • probably a philosphy major and when he gets drunk he starts going on and on about existentialism and existence and remus is like oh my god will someone shut him up no not you sirius last time you tried he talked about the void for an hour
  • modern au lily evans fights people on reddit. it’s relaxing
  • always dtf (down to fight) will probably fight you, your mum and herself (not your pets though she’s more likely to teal your dogs and cuddle them)
  • dyes her hair like every other month
  • she’s definitely middle class and while they have enough to get by she still gets some of her sister’s hand me downs
  • her instagram is ethereal which is ironic because she has no sense of style (she forgets to do laundry until there’s nothing left but a ripped pair of dunagrees and turtle neck but somehow she makes it work) but ¾ is her at pride rallies, or black lives matter rallies, or basically just a whole lot of activism going on there
  • the other ¼ is cats and sirius in unflattering positions
  • this extends to james when they finally get together
  • she does not know what subtlety is and will drag you, shade you and spill tea on you all in one shot all over twitter and facebook
  • can hold her liquor like no other and will drink anyone under the table
  • she chews james out the first time they meet and when she’s done, James is dazed and just turns to sirius and says ‘i think i’m in love’
  • he’s like a lovesick little puppy and joins snapchat just so he can follow her and make heart eyes at her story 24/7
  • (lily is a very active snapper. she looks good in the beard filter and that’s how he knows he’s fucked)
  • (james likes the flower crown one btw)
  • (obligatory sirius because sirius is the dog filter all the way)
  • lily is both annoyed and endeared but lets him be because y’know he’s kind of cute and likes to rant about patriachy if you give him enough gin
  • she’s doesn’t know when she starts spending more time with James than she does with sirius but it happens
  • she suspects it’s because sirius likes to watch her beat james at video games because 1) he’s to busy heart eyeing her to focus properly and 2) lily is weirdly good at CoD and super smash bros
  • the first time she posts a picture of them together it’s with james glaring at the tv with his tongue sticking out and controller in hand. caption: this fuckin loser tho *alien emoji* #dumbass
  • if you text james he replies with 70% emojis
  • lily texts like a straight white boy in heat. everything is an innuendo. entendres are her life. haha and then what *smirk emoji* is her most commonly used phrase
  • when she finally realises that she likes him back it’s the biggest oh fUCK moment ever and she has to lie down on the floor to control herself because shit how did this happen?
  • she knows how it happened; in between bickering over video games and going to the movies together and late night ice cream runs and fuck she’s blind
  • so like any self respecting 20y/o she invites him over to netflix and chill as one does
  • ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • james does not know what netflix and chill means so he comes over fully intending to actually netflix and chill and ignores that she’s wearing nothing but her ridiculous mismatched knee high socks and one of his jumpers
  • again lily is equal parts annoyed and endeared because this is the fool i chose to bestow my affections upon c’est la vie
  • they do cuddle on the couch though
  • she tries several more times but apparently this boy is very very dense and needs it spelt out for him
  • so she does
  • with snapchat
  • she sends him a 10 second selfie of her in a cute bra okay
  • #modernromance
  • their official first date is laser tag and pizza and stargazing and they may or may not get drunk and steal a couple of street signs before making out in an alley
  • (their unnofficial first date is a proper netflix and session ayyyyy)

beifongsmash-deactivated2016030  asked:

for the ship meme: jupiter/caine YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

I DO WANT TO HOLY COW

  • Which one sexts like a straight white boy?

Okay while this is hilarious to imagine either way, my final answer is Jupiter. Because Jupiter Jones is so very much the one who instigates things in this relationship. And also because Caine blushes neon red every single time. Just picture that and tell me that Jupiter Jones wouldn’t love that reaction and go out of her way to provoke it.

  • Which one cried during a fucking disney movie?

Okay so I was going to make a Lady And The Tramp joke here but lbr neither of them could cry through that because Jupiter started dramatically (off-key) singing He’s A Tramp at Caine and he was too busy making heart eyes at how hard she was laughing.  Okay so it’s definitely both of them, but for different movies. I can’t really get a feeling for which one sets Caine off, but my gut keeps saying Princess and the Frog. And Jupiter just flat refuses to let him watch The Fox And The Hound because she bawls every time.

  • Who put a goddamned fork in the microwave?

Caine “I am a badass space soldier but have never so much as made myself a microwave dinner in my life” Wise.

  • Who does the silly hands-over-the-eyes “Guess who” thing?

Jupiter. And Caine just like. Aggressively doesn’t get it. “Jupiter. Jupiter you know I can smell you, right? I know who you are? How is this supposed to fool me, you would have to plug my nose too.”

  • Who puts their cold hands/feet on their partner?

Okay honestly I feel like Jupiter tried this once after being outside on a really cold day and Caine brought her like. An entire case of space gloves.

  • Who had that embarrassing Reality TV marathon?

It was Caine, only he’s not embarrassed. He doesn’t get why he ought to be embarrassed, the skills of the craftspeople on Project Runway were compelling, even if it’s much less efficient than however space couture is made. (Also Jupiter watched it with him for like 5 hours after laughing, so she doesn’t exactly have any room to talk.)

  • Who laughs more during sex?

Okay I don’t have any firm headcanons on this one because characters doing the do isn’t my wheelhouse, so I’m gonna go with both of them, because both of them deserve that kind of happy.

  • WHO IS THE LITTLE SPOON?

Okay so it’s probably Jupiter like 90% of the time, and it’s mostly because I have a lot of half-formed thoughts about PTSD Caine and also protective Caine, and in both of those scenarios he ends up doing the octopus sleep thing because Must Protect Jupiter. (The other 10% is on certain nights when he needs someone to literally have his back.)