Okay, but my brain is spiralling because of that last scene between Jake and Ezekiel was so “I don’t have feelings for her, I have feelings for you! (but I can’t bring myself to tell you)” that it killed me a little.
Summary: Bucky and Y/N have been fairly successful at keeping their relationship hidden from the rest of the Avengers. That is… until Nat walks into the kitchen one night and finds Bucky kissing Y/N. While Y/N is relieved that their relationship is out in the open it soon becomes more complicated than she could have ever imagined.
Author’s Notes: Thanks to the lovely @melconnor2007 for the request. The last scene killed me. I always love hearing from you guys <3.
Sorry it’s out late – my nap turned into a mini hibernation.
Tags are at the bottom. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged/removed.
I felt like a hypocrite. As much as I had dreaded someone
from the Avengers knocking on my door – I was finding myself wishing for it. I
wanted Bucky to fight for me – I wanted him to prove me wrong. I needed him to.
Days went by in a blur as I debated with myself on what I should do. Maybe he
was still on his mission? Maybe Tony had told him to let me be? I couldn’t find
an adequate excuse for it.
“Are you sure he won’t just show up at your door?” Nicole
asked one morning – arching her eyebrows in curiosity.
“I’ve only ever talked to him
about the cottage once… and it was just in passing,” I shrugged miserably.
“Well maybe he’s trying to get ahold of you? Have you
checked your phone?” she asked casually.
“No – it’s been off since I got
here,” I added miserably.
“Well maybe you should…”
“NO,” I snapped at her. As much as I wanted him to fabricate
from thin air – I also really didn’t want to know why he hadn’t told me. I had
made up my mind that I wouldn’t like his reasoning, and that was that.
I walked into the living room rubbing my eyes wearily. I had
somehow managed to doze off as I snuggled in the oversized bed reading my dad’s
beaten copy of Kurt Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse-Five.” I stretched my arms as I
peered around the room – spotting Nicole on the couch in front of the
fireplace. “Hey,” I muttered quietly. Her head immediately snapped in my
direction as she quickly hid her hands. “What are you? OH NO. I told you no!” I
roared as I went to snatch the phone from her hands. “Now they’ll know where
I’m at! Dammit Nicole!” After a brief struggle I victoriously grabbed the phone
from her hands and crossed my arms – huffing angrily.
“Ten missed calls, one voicemail, and twenty text messages,” she stated as a fact.
“Huh?” I asked confused.
“Those are all from this Bucky guy. It seems like he might
care,” she shrugged casually. I rolled my eyes annoyed and stomped back into
the bedroom determined to hide there for the rest of the night.
As I curled up in the bed I couldn’t help, but feel like the
phone I held in my hand felt like a lead weight. Should I go ahead and look?
There was no way that Tony hadn’t locked onto where I was within fifteen
minutes. Bucky, Tony, or Steve would be here in a matter of hours – so there
was no point in holding out any longer… I needed to go ahead and face whatever
he had to say so I could prepare myself. I reluctantly lifted the phone to my
face – it was best to get the voicemail out of the way first. I clicked on the
message before putting the phone on speaker and listened.
Bucky’s voice permeated the quiet
of the room. My heart sank as I listened.
“Y/N… Tony said that you left a few days ago but wouldn’t
tell him where you were going… I… I know something happened between you and
Nat. Please call… please let me explain. I don’t… I don’t want to lose you over
this. I… I’m sorry,” his voice was so incredibly sad that I had to bite the
inside of my cheek to keep myself from crying. When he paused at the end of the
message my heart had done a backflip. I had never realized how much I wanted to
hear him say that he loved me – but my hopes fell as flat as his voice as the
I flipped through the the text
-Hey! I’m coming home
– can’t wait to see your beautiful face.
-Steve just talked to
Tony and he said you left???
-Is everything okay?
-I tried to call but
it went straight to voicemail. Y/N please call me.
-Y/N, it’s not what
you think. Please call me doll. Please come home. I miss you. I need to
-I know I fucked it
all up but please let me explain.
They kept going – each one a different variation of the one
before it. I felt sick. It had been easier to accept everything when I had cut
myself off from him. I sighed heavily. The truth was so glaringly obvious – I
had never really accepted what had happened – just prolonged the inevitable. As
I was flipping through the rest of the texts Bucky’s picture illuminated the
screen. I froze in absolute panic – he was calling and I had accidentally just
I stared at the phone –
completely frozen in fear.
“Y/N,” Bucky’s voice said softly from the other end. I
remained silent. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. It was as if I had
suddenly turned into a statue. Bucky took my silence as a sign that I was going
to listen and suddenly it was as if a flood gate had opened from his end of the
conversation. “Doll, I am so sorry. I don’t know what all happened, but I know
this is my fault. I swear I was going to tell you… I was going to explain
everything, but I was just so afraid. So afraid of saying or doing the wrong
thing and losing you… because you make me so happy. I haven’t… well I haven’t
been this happy in a long time,” he paused for a moment waiting for my response.
I sat in silence still unable to articulate the hundreds of conversations I had
played out in my mind between us the last few days. “Doll…. Please. Please say
something,” he pleaded – the edge of desperation cutting into his words.
All of my faculties seemed to have been taken over by some
unknown part of myself that was unwilling to be hurt the way I had been hurt
before. “There’s nothing left to say, Bucky…. Goodbye,” I said quietly before
ending the call. I didn’t even know the words that were spilling out of my
mouth until it was too late. I sat dumbfounded at myself as I stared at the
phone in my hand. Why would I say that? What had I just done? Tears welled in
my eyes as I realized that I could have very well ended everything then – he
was trying and I had shut him down.
I jumped slightly as the door opened and Nicole came into
the room. She looked at me apologetically as she held up two wine glasses and a
Rodriguez: […] But this is an important scene because this is where you find out Kate’s been killed. And your reaction— it was cool watching this because I was like ‘I want to see how my scene came out since I wasn’t there,’ make sure I don’t have to go reshoot anything. But you did such a terrific job. Madison: I really love your reaction in this scene, DJ. Rodriguez: Yeah, it’s so great. Madison: Because I think it’s so sad that you left Kate on the side of the road, or while you gave her money, and then— DJ: Yeah. Madison: Now she’s dead. DJ: He feels responsible.
(Robert Rodriguez, Madison Davenport, and DJ Cotrona in the “Santa Sangre” DVD commentary )
but seriously… Isak actually just told someone that there was something going on with him and Even and Even goes and does this. Do you know how fucking hard it is to tell someone that? Especially when no one else knows that you’re gay and you’re just coming to terms with it yourself. That last scene absolutely freaking killed me.