thedayhascome

Tweetup Moments, In No Particular Order:
  • Ruth losing her phone at the airport and crying while people stared at me like I had just beaten her
  • drinking roughly 20 beers Friday night and subsequently puking in Matt’s shower the next morning
  • Jordan, AKA the Finger Tickler
  • Rachael’s 2:00am comedic dissertation on Canadian government
  • Josh, drunk on bourbon, calling all manner of people “stupid assholes” and “dumb motherfuckers”
  • Stephen telling me how pretty I am
  • bedding Ruth two nights in a row
  • corn
  • Matt’s gay pizza
  • Joe drinking a 5 Hour Energy at 2:30am
  • Lisa’s nipple tassels
  • everybody pulling together and working as a team to prevent Amanda from making salsa
  • going to a movie with many awesome people

There were more, so many more, but these are the ones I remember instantly. A weekend with you people just isn’t enough, but we manage to create a lot of memories in the time we have. I’m looking forward to next year.

November 30, 2009
  1. I joined the KKK for the homophobia but stayed for the anonymous gay sex.
    @fireland (Joshua Allen) – 132
  2. Judging by your face, you are not an attractive person.
    @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 107
  3. What is productivity, really? I will ponder this question while sitting in my new manila folder igloo.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 90
  4. Lost the baby Jesus for the miniature nativity scene, so I used a frozen Jimmy Dean sausage instead. Merry Sausagemas.
    @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 89
  5. My employees forgot about Cyber Monday. I won’t rub it in. They look embarrassed enough when I walk by in my RoboCop suit.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 88
  6. A friend asked me how old I thought she was. I answered vaguely to be safe, saying “Young enough for acne but old enough for sagging boobs.”
    @MrBigFists (Jonathan Sloan) – 81
  7. Dropping the kid off at kindergarten on the way to meanergarten.
    @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 81
  8. Best part about carrying a ukulele through an airport:

    THEM: “So… you a musician?”
    ME: “Yeah, I play a little guitar.”
    @jasonpermenter (Jason Permenter) – 74
  9. The Boy came into my room with tears welling in his eyes, to ask if I had sold his pajamas. Which just goes to show: kids are fucking weird.
    @tj (Fun Size Bytes) – 69
  10. Well, that’s the last time I offer myself up to be deep crawled.
    With no computer.
    At a bar.
    @debihope (Notorious d.e.b.) – 66
  11. I’m not sure there would be such a stigma if instead of crabs, people could be infested with popcorn shrimp.
    @gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 63
  12. Personally, I won’t be satisfied until a Buddhist monk lights himself on fire for web standards.
    @Moltz (Moltz) – 61
  13. Profoundly funny tweet #6190424272 (?)
    @cravenheart (Unavailable) – 61
  14. “I like only white lights on the tree.”
    “I want colored lights.”
    “Colored? That’s racist.”
    “You’re the one who wants the white only tree.”
    @abigvictory (Michele Catalano) – 60
  15. “Satellite Radio” is a trademark. The generic term is “Radio! From! Spaaaaaaaace!”
    @FakeAPStylebook (Fake AP Stylebook) – 58
  16. Tiger Woods deserves the benefit of the doubt no matter how many people he supposedly killed.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 58
  17. Sad to announce The LunaPod Project is now dead.

    My mass-produced $7 rocket to the moon was undermined by suppliers, lawyers, and reality.
    @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 57
  18. A laconic celebrity golfer makes his pasty, fair-weather fans get all mad and pitchforky.

    At last. My perfect storm of who the fuck cares.
    @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 56
  19. I looked at my tweetcloud. I think I’m gay and pretty certain I have a poop fetish. My life makes so much sense now.
    @iamnotdiddy (iamnotdiddy™) – 56
  20. In most states, Texas would be too retarded to execute.
    @SeoulBrother (SeoulBrother) – 54
November 29, 2009
  1. Life will be less complicated once my cat learns how to tie his own bow ties.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 96
  2. Clearly, there’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
    @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 94
  3. I discovered the best way to untangle Christmas lights is with scissors. I now have to buy new ones but you can’t put a price on my sanity.
    @MrBigFists (Jonathan Sloan) – 89
  4. Hipsters don’t fart. They just make fart noises with their mouth and then smirk. It smells like wasted potential.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 76
  5. Step 1: Put on corduroy shorts.
    Step 2: Go to gym.
    Step 3: Get on treadmill.
    Step 4: Run.
    Step 5: Laugh and laugh and laugh.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 68
  6. The state flower of Ohio is ranch dressing.
    @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 62
  7. A 17th level paladin with -10 armor class and +5 holy avenger, who always rolls a 20 on saving throws, still has 0% chance of getting laid.
    @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 59
  8. Yo mama so fat she trampled several shoppers at Amazon.com.
    @giromide (Pantse Macabre) – 57
  9. If I was a blues musician, all my songs would be about how much I hate the blues.
    @lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 55
  10. I’m at Dick’s Sporting Goods. Their Black Friday Sale was so HUGE and long that people are still coming.
    @iamnotdiddy (iamnotdiddy™) – 54
  11. I’ll know the terrorists have won when they can stand down a herd of my relatives asking them why they’re not married yet.
    @debihope (Notorious d.e.b.) – 54
  12. My other car is a couch.
    @debihope (Notorious d.e.b.) – 52
  13. Cocka doodle doo and gobble gobble sound dirty, but not particularly sexy.

    Fowl language is not meant for everyone.
    @Beef_Tongue (Comic Dick Cheney) – 48
  14. I put the “taco” in “catacombs.”

    Yeah, didn’t make much sense to me either.
    @biorhythmist (matt) – 46
  15. Anal bleaching isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve been sitting in a tub of Clorox for two hours and it’s really starting to burn my ass.
    @Beef_Tongue (Comic Dick Cheney) – 44
  16. Some women tire quickly when they give hand jobs with their weaker hands.

    Now, your Mom on the other hand…
    @MODAT (Modat) – 42
  17. Tiger’s wife may be able to beat him on a Friday, but never on a Sunday.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 41
  18. This just in: Women mugged in Castro district of San Francisco. Two guys held her down and third one did her hair.
    @blankslate (Alex) – 41
  19. Outlook for tomorrow: Depressimistic.
    @debihope (Notorious d.e.b.) – 40
  20. If I opened a cleaning company, it would be called Not Quite Clean But It’s Good Enough Cleaning.
    @damselesque (Beth) – 38