thebigbangtheory*

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THIS. IS. LIFE.

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This is kind of what I think will happen in the finale... Its different than I normally do.

Penny tries to assemble her face into a supportive one as she listens to Amy tell the story of her proposal yet another time. Her friend has only been engaged for week and she feels like she has already heard the story of Sheldon’s unexpectedly romantic proposal a hundred times.

It’s not that she’s not happy for Amy. She is ecstatic that her two closest friends in the world are finally getting married. Amy deserves all the happiness in the world. She is a saint for the way she is able not only to put up with Sheldon’s quirks, but love him for them. Sheldon has made Amy wait long enough and it’s about time he fully committed to her.

Only every time Amy gleefully recounted the proposal something clenched in Penny’s gut. Every time Amy flashed her antique engagement ring. Or found an excuse to tell a complete stranger that she was going to be married soon. A darkness flashed through Penny and she found herself faking smiles. Tuning Amy out so she wouldn’t have to hear the story one more time.

Right now they are at a fancy wedding boutique. Amy is retelling her tale to the stores owner whose job it is to listen with rapt attention. Bernadette is just encouraging her, she’s the one who made them come in here. Even though it’s way too soon to be shopping for a dress. They haven’t even set a date yet.

Penny wants to say this but they’ll just shoot her down and call her a buzzkill. At least the dress shop offers free champagne and she downs a glass as Amy tells the shop owner everything she has already heard. How the proposal was a surprise, she wants a November or December wedding. How she has been planning her wedding since she was a little girl.

When Leonard proposed Penny didn’t make such a fuss. She told the story maybe once to Bernadette and Amy. The people at barely knew she was engaged. Especially since most of the time she took her ring off for sales. Penny never once set foot in a dress boutique or made a gift registry. Two things Amy has already done in her first week of being engaged.

Part of her knows it’s because Amy is just a more organized person than she is. Everything Amy does is planned out. In her purse she has a little book of lists. Nothing makes Amy happier than checking an item off her list. Penny rolls her eyes thinking about how the second thing Amy probably did after being engaged after calling her was make a list of things she had to do now. Visit a dress store was probably on the list and Amy was dying to check it off.

“And then he said Amy Farrah Fowler would you be Amy Farrah Cooper.” Penny says stealing the best part of the story from Amy. It was a bitchy thing to do and both Bernadette and Amy give her dirty looks.

“How romantic!” the woman coos clasping her hand to her breast. “So what kinds of dress are you thinking?”

Penny pours herself another glass of champagne as they peruse the racks of dresses. Thinking of all the things she never did in her engagement to Leonard. The fact was she just had not cared at all. It didn’t matter to her what color dresses her friends wore, or what flowers were there. In fact she had not thought of the wedding at all until they eloped in Vegas. The second wedding to appease the parents had been pure Raj.

At the time she thought she didn’t think about those things because they didn’t matter to her. She was a low maintenance tom boy who didn’t spend her days dreaming about her wedding. Now as she watched Amy happily prepare for her wedding she thought it might be something more.

“Your fiancee certainly sounds like something else.” The shop owner says after listening to Amy gush about him for ages. “He must be the love of your life.”

“He is!” Amy agrees. “He the love of my life, my first love, my everything.” Amy tells her.

“You certainly are a very lucky girl.” The shop owner tells Amy and she just glows. Penny’s eyes roll into the back of her head and she grabs Bernadettes abandoned champagne flute and downs it. Then it hits her, that’s what has been bothering her.

Amy was marrying the love of her life. Marrying Sheldon was the culmination of everything Amy had wanted for the past seven years. Penny wasn’t even sure if marrying Leonard was the culmination of what she wanted that year.

Whenever people asked her if Leonard was the love of her life she thought of this Jennifer Aniston quote she read once. They asked her if Brad Pitt was the love of her life. Instead of saying yes she said “He’s a big love on my life sure.” Everyone thought she was so cold (until it came out Brad had been cheating with Angelina.) Penny knew how she felt though, did she love Leonard sure. However in ranking of the greatest loves in her life he wasn’t number one. Not by a long shot.

Leonard did not make her feel passionately like some her other boyfriends had. It had not been love at first or even second sight. Leonard was the kindest guy she had ever dated the most solid.

At a time in her life when she felt like everything was falling apart. It was apparent that being an actress was not in her cards. She was running out of savings and she couldn’t go back to The Cheesecake Factory .She knew Leonard would be able to put it back together again.

At the time it seemed like one of the first grown up decisions she had made in a long time. To marry a solid guy who could do things like balance a checkbook and do his own taxes. Leonard wasn’t the best looking guy she had been with. Nor was he the best in bed. It was like they said in the movie Trainwreck. You didn’t want to marry the best sex you ever had guy. Lehow he Leonard was good enough and he tried so hard. Leonard used to do little things all the time to show her how much he cared. Its how he had won her over. A million tiny gestures, that showed her what kind of guy he was.

Penny had figured that the rest would come after they go married. That she loved Leonard enough to be with him, it would be enough to marry him. Only it wasn’t, she found herself resenting everything about him. Everything he did annoyed her all the way down to way he breathed.

No Leonard wasn’t the love of her life. Lately she wasn’t even sure if she loved him anymore at all. He had stopped doing the little things that had won her over in the first place. It felt like he had done be everything he could do to win her over. Then once he had her he just stopped caring. He had won the prize so why continue playing the game. If she had married him for all the little things he did and he stopped doing them where did that leave them?

“Penny did you drink my champagne?” Bernadette hisses as her taking the flute from her hand. Then whispers even quieter. “How many of these have you had?”

“I’m fine.” Penny says annoyed.

Uu“Let Amy drive your car home.” Bernadette tsks.

Penny hands over the keys to Amy. They get in her car and Amy starts it up glancing over at Penny worried.

“Just spill it Amy.” She says.

“I’m worried about you.”

“Why?”

“You’ve just been really off lately.”

“I’m just… I’m just jealous okay?” Penny finally admits.

“Of me?” Amy asks surprised.

“Yes!”

“Because, I got engaged?” Amy asks.

“It’s part of it.”

“You are married! Why are you jealous of me?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Try me.” Amy says annoyed.

“Okay so Sheldon is the love of your life right?”

“Of course, he’s the only man I’ve ever loved.”

“You can’t picture yourself with anyone else?”

“Even when we broke up. There was only him.”

“Okay so there it is…”

“There’s what?”

“I don’t feel that way about Leonard. At all… I thought at first that things would change once we got married. That all these feelings would just come. It’s been two years and nothings changed. If anything the little things I thought I loved about him have slipped away.”

“Penny… That’s not good…”

“I know, but what do I do? I can’t divorce him it will break his heart.” Penny says burying her face in her hands.

“I don’t know what you should do. I only know that you deserve happiness. That you should be as happy as I amy right now. Maybe you just need some space?”

“Space? How do I even get space?”

“Talk to Leonard, take a long vacation. Take some time to find yourself without Leonard. Then maybe things will be a little clearer.” Amy tells her pulling into a spot.

“You know I think that’s exactly what I’ll do.”

Yesterday I published the last chapter of my fanfic, Old, Wild West, an AU of Shamy in the west, an adventure full of romance, bandits and dangers, it was fantastic to be able to give life to that story that was spinning in my mind. I want to thank you all, for your messages and reviews about the story, I’m very glad that you liked it!.  💕 💕

If you haven´t read it, you have the link here.

I´ll see you all in the old west, Yeehaaw! 🤠🐎