"Fuck Actors (But Actually Don't, That Creates a Complicated Backstage Dynamic)"

an album about my life as a stagehand

Featuring the hit songs

  1. “Put your props back where they came from or so help me”
  2. “This Glowtape Sucks (It’s Way Too Dark Back Here)”
  3. “Where the fuck did I get that bruise?”
  4. and the club hit “Dance As If No One Can See You (They Can’t)”

Also the tragic ballad

“(I’ve Heard Them Sing This Song Every Night For Three Weeks) Why The Fuck Am I Crying Again?”

Vampire Syndrome:

When a stage crew, stage manager, technician, light crew, sound crew, etc, exists the theatre after working for several hours and encounters bright light.

It’s often characterized by putting ones hands up to block the unwanted light, squinting of the eyes and cursing.

Things people in theatre do:
  • Talk about their past shows like they were the greatest.
  • Hate at least one critically acclaimed actor/actress.
  • Refuse to watch the movie because, “the live musical was better.”
  • Drink coffee like it’s their job.
  • Judge the lighting at every event ever.
  • Wear black regularly.
  • Cringe at the rare instance they see sunlight.
  • Essentially live in a cave.
  • Be Batman.