I am a shit who never posts and I'm only posting now because I signed up for a summer class at my new school that starts on Tuesday and I have 40 pages of homework problems. Yes.
They are into everything happening, they're showing up at every fricking event. Would totally punch a punk in the face for making a homophobic comment. Just like a giant party. Pride colors all the way.
Has made so many signs. Why so many signs? You don't know. They don't know either. Signs everywhere. And stickers, but mostly signs.
Wearing the most obnoxiously overdone clothing possible just to piss people off. If not, literally doesn't talk about it at all until someone makes a comment to their face that's homophobic and they just smile and stare into their eyes while they reveal their sexual/gender preferences.
Is hosting all the best house parties, has stickers all over their car. Might do something really cute like make pride cupcakes or wear a custom shirt.
Blunt, decisive comments that you either think are hysterical or extremely insulting. Gets loud when telling a joke, laughs super heartily, turns red in the face, etc.
Is so into the tag yourself meme and internet jokes in general. Loves to repeat jokes they've read online or in a magazine (or heard in general), none that are particularly aggressive or forthcoming on any particular stances. Loves when everyone is laughing together, hides face when laughing, laughs until crying.
Brutal one liners and sarcastic comments, cutting remarks that are so funny that you can't help but laugh, mocks own pretentiousness, makes the worst faces, is actually an idiot. Laughs in this weird-ass way so that no sound comes out and they just never break eye contact
Either tells a terrible pun, a joke about academia, or a dirty joke, there is no in-between. Likes to see the extreme reactions from friends, instead of laughing, they just have a giant, doofy grin.
LET HUFFLEPUFFS HAVE A RESTING BITCH FACE. LET HUFFLEPUFFS BE FIREY AND PASSIONATE. LET HUFFLEPUFFS BE INCREDIBLY WITTY AND STUDIOUS. LET HUFFLEPUFFS GET INTO FIST FIGHTS.
LET HUFFLEPUFFS BE MORE THAN FICKLE, POLITE, PACIFIST, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY, BLITHE, AND APPROACHABLE. BEING A HUFFLEPUFF IS MORE THAN LOOKING INNOCENT AND SWEET.
I am a Hufflepuff with a horrible resting bitch face. I am a Hufflepuff who people see as unapproachable. I am a Hufflepuff with strong beliefs and passion.
The traits found in Hufflepuff are listed below:
Unafraid of toil
Hufflepuffs are dedicated. They are dedicated to their studies, their friends, their families, their hobbies- Hufflepuffs show dedication to the things they love. They don’t dedicate themselves to be praised. it is a self sacrificing quality, much like the rest of the Hufflepuff House traits. Dedication goes hand-in-hand with hard work. It’s enduring when shit hits the fan, it’s getting out of bed when all you want to do is sleep, it’s not accepting handouts, it’s becoming successful through honest work. Hufflepuffs get the most out of working hard, not smart. This isn’t because they aren’t smart, it’s because they believe it benefits them more. Hardwork brings knowledge. They learn how to fight with integrity to get what they want. They most definitely aren’t ones to cheat. Given the choice between cheating and failure, they would choose failure.
Patience is a virtue. I don’t take this to mean that Hufflepuffs don’t mind waiting around if a friend is running late, it means that Hufflepuffs are more willing than most to put a cap on their temperament. Hufflepuffs don’t get bothered easy. Whether it’s from natural ability or a constantly running internal monologue keeping them from blowing a fuse, they manage to handle adversity with as much dignity and grace as they can muster. I think it’s hard to tell what a Hufflepuff is thinking because they keep their opinions to themselves unless asked to express it. Patience has nothing to do with passion. A Hufflepuff is a master at picking their battles. They know what’s worth losing their temper over.
Kindness: benevolent, intended for benefits rather than profit, loving, expressing goodwill. Who the fuck wants to be mean and rude all the time to everyone? Being kind does not mean being pushover. When did it become taboo to be kind? Why is being edgy all the sudden associated with being rude, pretentious, mean and cynical? Being kind is sincerely asking someone “how are you?” and being unafraid to receive an honest and drawn out response. Being kind is being a good listener, helping people for their benefit and not your own, it’s picking up trash in the movie theater so that the staff has less to clean. Being kind is leaving sweet, anonymous notes for people just to make their day a little bit better. Being kind is reveling in making someone smile or laugh. Being kind is smiling back when someone smiles at you. To be benevolent, to be nice, to be kind pushes away all self interest. It’s a selfless trait.
Tolerance is just nodding along with some gun slinging, homophobic, misogynistic jerk rambling about how Donald Trump will make America “great again”, even though you strongly disagree. Hufflepuffs, if you’ll notice, get along with virtually each house. They do not take it upon themselves to judge. Hufflepuffs are masters at accepting things that they cannot change; they cope well with diversity. If someone came up to a Hufflepuff and said that they were a supporter of pure-blood supremacy, the Hufflepuff would nod, say something (passive but sincere) along the lines of “that’s an interesting opinion,” then carry on with their day. Though they may not be at all happy about what was said, they do not take it upon themselves to get everyone to see the way that they see things. You can’t force people to listen. It’s not that Hufflepuffs don’t have opinions, they do, but, as the saying goes, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.” They find that people respect your opinion and ask for it more when you present a judgement free environment for them.
This house is loyal. They’re a tolerant bunch, sure, but they will not tolerate bullies. It’s their sense of fraternity and loyalty that gives Hufflepuff something worth fighting for. It wouldn’t surprise me to see a Hufflepuff seventh year getting into a fist fight with a Ravenclaw seventh year because the Ravenclaw was making snarky remarks about a first year getting sorted into Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs will argue, punch, kick, pull hair and scream if you somehow hurt someone they hold dear to them. Don’t forget how fucking raw Badgers are. They’re one of the most fearless animals in the animal kingdom. This can maybe be seen as a flaw, however. In Goblet of Fire, the Hufflepuff House got so caught up in the competition between Cedric and Harry, good judgement was blurred by their unwavering loyalty. This brings me to believe that Hufflepuffs, if sufficiently provoked, can attack with the most underhanded and vicious insults ever. I don’t think it would be wise to bring a Hufflepuff to their breaking point in hopes of seeing this animosity. In most circumstances, however, loyalty is a virtue.
I am so sick of the stigma that Hufflepuffs are these soft little balls of dough that are just so lukewarm compared to the other houses. Need I remind y’all that Hufflepuffs fought at the Battle of Hogwarts without hesitation? They rose to the occasion, they weren’t indifferent about the situation at hand at all- they were selfless, they were fearless. They fought because they loved their school, their friends, their teachers, and because it was the right thing to do.
Kindness should not be mistaken for weakness.
Tolerance should not be mistaken for neutrality
Patience should not be mistaken for dispassion
Loyalty gives them reason to fight
Hardwork and dedication make them goal-oriented
Fair play does not mean there is a lack of initiative
A Hufflepuff is not a clone of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Hufflepuffs can have strong opinions, be passionate, reckless, brave, and enterprising.
Because Helga Hufflepuff didn’t sort her students by a particular aptitude, Hufflepuff should be one of the most diverse houses in Hogwarts. So don’t generalize all Hufflepuffs to fit the “looks like a cinnamon roll and is a cinnamon roll” archetype. Hufflepuffs can be fierce as fuck.
The other day, I wondered how the world of Harry Potter would be different if all students were sorted every year, rather than only in their first. So I wrote this.
Little is changed
from Harry Potter’s first year at Hogwarts. Still he sits under that
hat, thinking, not Slytherin;
still the Hat considers his potential before sending him to
Gryffindor. Still he is joined in Gryffindor by Ron Weasley and
Hermione Granger, still the Slytherin he so feared to be in will hold
Draco Malfoy. Little is different about the placement of the older
students, for all the Sorting Ceremony is made longer, and the Hat’s
song a little changed, with their participation. Fred and George
Weasley, like their younger brother, are still in Gryffindor.
Ambitious Percy Weasley may be in Slytherin by now, maybe not yet,
but he is a Prefect regardless. Oliver Wood or someone like him will
still be Harry’s first Quidditch Captain.
Harry’s second year, he and Ron are in more trouble than ever for
missing the Sorting Ceremony. Now the Hat must be got out again to
Sort these two boys who have caused such a stir, to confirm what
surprises no one: both will remain in Gryffindor this year. (This
time, Harry is once again thinking his wishes to the Hat, but instead
of not Slytherin, he
is pleading, Gryffindor, Gryffindor
– picturing the warm Gryffindor common room that is the first home
he has ever known, the first place that has welcomed him rather than
shut him away. The hat, once again, obeys his wishes.) Both boys are
relieved to find their House much the same as they left it; Hermione
Granger is in their midst again, joined by Ron’s shy little sister
Longbottom, who had been plagued throughout his first year in
Gryffindor by doubt as to his right to be there, is with them again,
too. They missed his silent drama at the Ceremony, too, as the boy
sat under the Hat that could see into his mind and reflected on the
end of term. He had remembered standing up to the three classmates he
thought he could call his friends, only to be left behind – hexed,
as he so often was, ridiculed. More proof that he did not belong in
the brave House. But he remembered, too, Dumbledore’s voice at the
end-of-year feast – praising him for doing what was hard. He
remembered being awarded House points for this simple act, and with
the meagre sum, winning Gryffindor the House Cup. That heady feeling
of being, for just one moment, a celebrated hero – that was like
nothing else. That was worth a year and more of self-doubt. So
Neville now unpacked his bags in the Gryffindor dormitories again,
and, like Harry, he felt for the first time that he was home.
has grown complacent, all his friends staying with him from his first
year to his second. He hears the warnings of the older students on
his Quidditch team (some of whom go from one House’s team to the
next from year to year), the reminders that he will need to make new
friends soon, but he does not really believe them. He cannot imagine
his world changing even more than it has.
is why he feels as though his stomach has dropped out of his body, as
though he has fallen into some bottomless pit, when things change in
his third year. He is still in Gryffindor, yes, and still with Ron,
thank goodness for that, but Hermione Granger is no longer of their
House. Hermione, who spent the last term of her second year as a
statue, whose research was the only part of her that got to be a part
of the battle in the Chamber of Secrets, who scrambled and sweated
when she was unpetrified to pass all her courses in the remaining
days of term – despite the promises of the administration that
classes missed by the basilisk’s victims would not be held against
their grades. Hermione, who had been called an “insufferable
know-it-all” so many times that it had almost stopped hurting, who
had felt so frustrated with the cavalier attitude her fellow
Gryffindors took to classwork. She was now a Ravenclaw, the blue
insignia on her robes matching that of Ginny Weasley, who seemed to
have shrunk in on herself after the events of last term. (Ginny, like
Harry in his first year, sat under the Hat in her second year
thinking not Slytherin, not Slytherin,
but then she had paused, and thought, not Gryffindor,
too, because Riddle had possessed her despite her red-and-gold robes,
and because she did not feel brave.)
Hermione, and Luna Lovegood (here is one girl the Hat cannot imagine
placing anywhere but Ravenclaw, though it will surprise itself in
years to come) soon find each other in the Ravenclaw common room, and
form an odd, but tight, bond over the first few weeks of term.
Hermione finds that it is nice to have close friends who are girls;
she never had this in her two years in Gryffindor. She still finds
time to talk to Harry, to help him with an essay in the library or to
keep him company on restless Hogsmeade weekends or to walk with him
to Hagrid’s hut. They are still friends, and good ones; no
disparity of House can change the bond forged in fighting a mountain
troll together, and all they have been through together since.
explains this, at last, to Ron Weasley in the days before Christmas
vacation, when the dark looks he has been sending her all term
finally come to a head in a shouting match outside the Divination
tower. Ron, too quick to view matters in black and white, had seen
her Ravenclaw badge as a betrayal, a defection. Had imagined that
this was her choice, rather than the honest assessment of the Hat.
Had felt left behind, discarded, second-rate, dismissed like his
brothers’ hand-me-down robes that he wore. With Harry to remind him
not to be an ass, to remind Hermione that Ron was always like this,
they made up soon enough. Hermione laughed and called Ron an idiot,
but fondly; and he laughed back, and told her that the blue and
silver only made her look more the nerd. The trio were reunited, even
if they were in different houses.
after that fight at least, perhaps the difference of house was a
blessing in disguise. Crookshanks could not worry at Ron’s rat when
they lived in different common rooms. There was no fight between Ron
and Hermione about their pets; when Scabbers went missing, there was
no talk of foul play, only an agreement between the three friends
that they would try to find him. The
three were still present in the Shrieking Shack, two Gryffindor
children and one Ravenclaw, to bear witness to the true identity of
Scabbers, to bear witness to the reunion of the three living
Marauders. They still saved Buckbeak; they still lost Pettigrew.
Okay, so let’s say McGonagall decided to have the Sorting Hat choose compatible roommate pairs for eighth years.
Only then it put Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy together.
So McGonagall determined that this was clearly a mistake and the Sorting Hat just wasn’t meant to choose anything but Houses, and she gave up on the whole idea and chose all the pairs herself: notably Harry with Ron and Draco with Blaise.
But by the end of the year, those particular pairs have switched places because Harry and Draco started dating and shagging all the time, and Ron and Blaise bonded over their mutual cringing and love of chess and beer.
And McGonagall eventually realizes what’s happened and is absolutely shocked. She wonders belatedly if she oughtn’t have let Hermione Granger and Millicent Bulstrode, or Pansy Parkinson and Susan Bones, or even Theo Nott and Neville Longbottom also room together and possibly become friends that year.
But the worst part of it doesn’t happen until next year’s sorting ceremony, when the hat opens its brim and starts to sing the song it’s been working on all year:
Oh, McGonagall’s our Headmistress and she is really great but sometimes even she can make a horrendous mistake
Like ignoring the advice of a hat that’s very smart a hat that has been sorting Hogwarts students since its start
I told her many pairings and she second-guessed them all Yet it wasn’t ‘till the last one that she met her downfall
Potter and Malfoy would go well with certainty I said and as you all have heard by now they like to share a bed
But she said ‘no’ and ripped me from my place upon this stool and then she did the sorting she thought the best for the school
But because I know your minds and I never get it wrong she messed it up and forced me to compose this bitter song
Yes Parkinson and Bones became the very best of mates And Longbottom and Nott will be good friends until they date
Potter’s in love with Malfoy and they even share their pants Don’t let your preconceptions stop you giving me a chance
Don’t make the same mistake as her Accept the place you get For if you doubt my sorting I promise you will regret
Headmistress McGonagall can attest on my behalf I’m sure she will think twice next time now I’ve had the last laugh