the-sinking-feeling-starts

Before I start some course work (and then pretty much descend into fic hell after for the weekend), I just want to put in a word.

I haven’t written off annlett just yet, I still keep hope for our dears who deserved better than what happened, but no matter what happens, I have enjoyed watching this relationship develop and all the beautiful moments it had. I loved it all and imagine in some other universe things worked out and they’re happy married and back in Scotland. I am happy to have seen such a beautiful relationship develop (ignoring the shit that happened in 3x04 because they deserve better) and will continue to ship it after the fact.

I had a feeling I was on a sinking ship from the start, but it was worth it. And who knows what the future holds for the rest of this season…

jake takes a shot at a relationship with dirk because, he really, really likes this guy! this has to be what a real crush on a person feels like! and what do you do with crushes on people? you say yes to dating them and you do… dating things with them! that’s how it goes, right? 

and he loves spending time with dirk. he really, truly does. but it becomes clearer and clearer that their goals for the relationship aren’t quite matching up, and Jake starts to get a sinking feeling. why isn’t this working? he had a crush, right? he enjoys dirk’s company, right? why isn’t Jake feeling like Jake ought to, as a healthy young man in a relationship? Of course he feels terrible and conflicted, because the problem is never that he doesn’t like dirk, it’s that he doesn’t like him the right way and he doesn’t have the emotional experience to decipher between platonic feelings and romantic feelings, because he’s aro ace.

his being aro ace implies nothing one way or the other re: his feelings towards hypothetical foxy blue babes by himself in his room

It feels like if my brain doesn’t concentrate on something - a book, a movie, an app - I am forced to be alone with my thoughts for too long, and then that sinking feeling starts to build up because I start remembering everything… and memories are like reliving the pain time and time again.

anonymous asked:

I have p good insight & I go in & out of periods of being delusional & I can feel myself starting to sink back into my delusion about being a clairvoyant prophet, & its not rly dangerous but its distracting & disruptive & I want to not do that

you do have p good insight and i feel you there. seems like recognizing that its a distracting & disruptive delusion is a first step to possibly avoiding it, though. i tend to slip into delusional places when im vulnerable, so try decreasing your vulnerability. thts a thing i have to do a lot. think about things you have control over and try to let yourself relax so you can continue the good reality-checking. good luck !!