the-secret-chord

100% scientific grading of all (most) Dragon Age companions/advisors

ORIGINS

Alistair: Is a sweetheart who does his best and is a fantastic tank and has great hair, great sense of humor, I just want to hug him, rating: A+

Dog: Faithful, loyal, pees on things, (Happy bark!), rating: A+

Leliana: looks like a cinnamon roll but can actually kill you, likes the way you do your hair, is a sweetheart, rating: A+

Morrigan: will put a spell on you (and now you’re hers), #1 witch, becomes a great mom even though her own upbringing wasn’t that great, rating: A+

Oghren: goes into the Deep Roads to try to find his wife, doesn’t give a flying nug, rating: A+

Shale: is a giant rock, great voice, great backstory, rating: A+

Sten: so Qunari he makes the Arishok look small-time, learns over time to respect the Warden, rating: A+

Wynne: #1 Grandma, great healer, is playing the long game so she can troll everyone in Asunder, rating: A+

Zevran: Best accent, beautiful hair and skin complexion, “for you I would march into the Black City itself, never doubt it!”, rating: A+

Loghain Mac Tir: honestly you don’t have a daughter like Anora unless you’re kicking ass and taking names yourself, rating: A+

AWAKENING

Anders: is fucking adorable, will save all cats, ~Anders’ spicy shimmy~, #1 healer but seriously make him an Arcane Warrior for a good time, rating: A+

Justice: Fade spirit just doing his best, wants to help everyone, looks good in plate, rating: A+

Nathaniel Howe: Loves Amaranthine, defends his family but also learns to see their faults, is definitely gonna bang my Cousland on top of his dad’s grave, rating: A+

Oghren: “You joined the Grey Wardens?  Really?”  “You said it would be hot!”  “WE WERE ROLEPLAYING!” rating: A+

Sigrun: oh my god she’s so cute but also smashes darkspawn in the face, DESERVES A BETTER ENDING for sure, rating: A+

Velanna: Goodnight shemlen b/c Velanna is coming for you, doesn’t give any shits, is prob. one of the biggest badasses in the series, rating: A+

DRAGON AGE 2

Anders: WAS RIGHT, fuck the templars, how can one feathermage be so pure, has loved Hawke for three years oh my god? voiced by Adam Howden who donated money to a GoFundMe for my sister’s sick cat (true story), rating: A+

Aveline: WILL TANK ALL OF THEDAS, do no harm but take no shit, will beat Hawke’s ass if necessary, “real nice night for an evening!” rating: A+

Bethany: who’s the best BETHANY’S THE BEST, Hawke’s #1 biggest most supportive fan, definitely best haircare routine and the most pure, rating: A+

Carver: does his best, actually secretly loves Hawke deep down inside, they probably built pillow forts together as kids and were def. best friends, rating: A+

Fenris: best spiky broody elf in any franchise, prob. the smartest individual in the entire Kirkwall Crew honestly, trying his hardest to move on, voiced by Gideon Emery and everything that guy touches turns to gold, rating: A+

Isabela: #1 pirate queen, has a heart of gold and loves Hawke, she just loves Hawke so much????? she’s going to let the Kirkwall Crew live happily ever after on her pirate ship I’m so proud of her, rating: A+

Merrill: dESERVED BETTER in every respect, just wants to help everyone??? Loves Mahariel and Tamlen so mucH?? Merrill/FHawke is such a pure ship omg, rating: A+

Sebastian Vael: definitely tries his best and wants so hard to live up to his name, will shot you with bow, makes that outfit look honestly stylin’, #1 accent in all of the Free Marches, rating: A+

Varric: Actual #1 Bro™, there is no bro who has ever bro’d harder, HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH HAWKE IS honestly, probably the best friendship in any game, like this if you cry every tim, rating: A+

INQUISITION

Blackwall: Can we discuss that beard tho, just doing his best, honestly the best banter, “What can a grey warden do?” “save the fucking world if pressed”, rating: A+

Cassandra: holy shit is htere a bigger badass in Thedas no there is not, did you guys watch the anime holy shit.  if she met Aveline it would be the unstoppable force meets the immovable object honestly, rating: A+

Cole: pure spirit child, “he’s only 12 years old and already more psychic than his dad” - dril, dies a lot when he’s in my party i’m sorry Cole, rating: A+

Dorian: actual most  styling man out there, had to leave Tevinter because he was so damn stylish he was putting the rest of the Imperium to shame, oh my god he’s just like, best friends with your Inquisitor and it’s so?? pure? rating: A+

Iron Bull: lmao it’s over for you if you get in trouble with this guy also the Chargers are basically? great? and he’s so good to Krem?? voiced by a guy who loves this job and loves video games, rating: A+

Sera: is gonna throw bees at your head and is looks good in plaidweave, deserves better, most unique accent in the series, has good taste in ladies, rating: A+

Solas: it was Egg who caused the trouble but honestly he’s doing his best, gets approval anytime you’re nice to like anyone, GREAT artist, i heard there was a secret chord that david played and it pleased the lord but you don’t really care for music do you? it goes like this the fourth the fifth the minor fall the major lift the baffled king composing hallelujah???  rating: A+

Varric: guess who’s back, back again, Varric’s back, and tbh he’s just so good and he helps everyone and is helping the inquisitor b/c he cares so much, rating: A+

Vivienne: WOW has anyone ever looked so goddamn gorgeous, probably not, way too stylish for you plebeians, i only wish i could raise myself to her level, but i also don’t want her to ever lower her standards which she would have to do to even talk to me, rating: A+

Cullen: has been through a lot of shit and come out surprisingly chill, admits his mistakes, loves dogs like all good Fereldans, definitely got that lip scar from Hawke though, rating: A+

Josephine: honestly the best fashion sense in Skyhold, those ruffles though, is very pure?? I just want to cuddle her on the couch forever, make her some rice krispy treats and then take her on a vacation because she deserves it, rating: A+

Leliana: Murderpope best pope, rating: A+

Gramander 101: An Introductory Fic Reclist

I’m still in disbelief that I’m actually shipping a pairing solely made up of hot standing next to each other action, and I’ve seen people wondering as well why this OTP got pretty popular in fandom. So I put together a fic reclist, because to be honest? I read one Gramander fic and that’s all it took; after that, I was immediately hooked and am so thankful we have plenty of talented artists and writers. So here’s a list, in no particular order, of some of my favorite fics that interested parties ought to check out:

1) Plan G by Aate

“Getting a certain kind of a lizard – a newt, to be precise – to sit on his face,” Kilonski said, exhaling cigarette smoke out of his nose. “Wouldn’t that rather be the point of this whole thing?”

Graves’ team of aurors conspire to try and get him and Newt together. Aate’s fics were some of the first Gramander fics i’ve ever read and I do recommend every single one of them. I remember following this fic from the first chapter all the way to the end and jumping for joy every time there was update. It’s hilarious, sweet and very, very sexy, with some well-earned smut.

2) Masquerade by prosodiical

His fingers stop there for a moment, warm against his skin, and Newt swallows, his gaze drawn to the man’s lips. “I could hardly find your knowledge irritating, lovely hippogriff.”

MACUSA has a masquerade ball and sexiness ensues. Only that summary doesn’t do this amazing story justice because the way the tension builds between them is incredible, and it’s just as romantic as it is smutty.

3) Shake Your Chains To Earth Like Dew (WIP) by Whatevergirl

The man leaned in, a charming smile on his face, “It’s nothing evil, my boy.” He leaned out to brush Newt’s hair back from his face. The young man flinched. “Nothing bad.”

So far this fic is fascinating because it provides a what-if scenario involving Newt having been taken prisoner by Grindelwald before the events of the film. The internal monologues of characters (especially Newt) are a joy to read. Will possibly contain mpreg, from the looks of it. I love everything about it so far.

4) If I Risk It All by Anonymous

He thought he had read Newt Scamander like a book. Apparently, he had thought wrong.

The quintessential smutty one-shot. Newt. Graves. wall!sex. That’s all you need to know. It’s scorchingly hot.

5) Heat of the Chase (WIP) by argentoswan

Newt felt like he had just been sized up, and had the awful, gut-wrenching feeling that Mr. Graves wasn’t impressed with what he saw.

What I love about Gramander fics is the noir vibe you get from reading about them cracking cases together. This fic so far is doing that perfectly, with just the right amount of build-up and a lot of tension. It’s realistic in that it depicts a Graves that is initially irritated by Newt. Given their personalities I think it make sense that he wouldn’t take a shine to Newt immediately. But of course, that changes eventually.

6) Whichever Way Your Body Promotes by kissingandcrying

“You could touch me,” The goblin in Graves’ brain prompts him to say. It’s tactless and straightforward, but it works.

“Could I?” Newt asks.

An incredible sex pollen fic, and probably one of the first Gramander fics to show them in an established relationship. The author has another fic that is also just as great.

7) The Case of the Missing Obscurus by manic_intent

“You find breaking the law amusing, do you?” Graves asked testily, which had the opposite desired effect. Newt smiled tentatively. Maybe Graves was losing his touch. That’s what an enforced vacation in a box did to you.

Another Gramander classic, with consultant!Newt who melts workaholic!Graves’ heart. It’s Graves-centric and the progression of his character is marvelous, with a lot of memorable scenes that you’ll be thinking about for days on end. Read manic_intent’s other Gramander fics, too!

8) Intent by Miss_Lv

He watched the way the crude language seemed to fluster Newt. “So you’ll have dinner with me tomorrow, somewhere nice, and then we’ll return here and you’ll put on a dress, look gorgeous, and I’ll fuck you again. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.”

Labelling this fic a PWP would do it a great disservice because it’s actually really plotty… While also containing 20,000 words of extremely hot porn. There’s BDSM, crossdressing and too many other kinks to mention (and Miss_Lv covers even more kinks in their other fics, read those asap too) yet you end up going “awww” because Graves and Newt just go so well together in this.

9) To Build a Home (WIP) by BeanieBaby

Newt’s mother had once told him that nothing could compare to the wonderful rush of warmth one feels upon meeting their intended for the first time. The sight of Percival Graves does not evoke any warmth in his chest.

I normally don’t go for soul mark AUs, but this is an exception. Graves and Newt dance around their feelings for each other while everyone else facepalms, but the fic also develops the other characters in the movie quite  nicely and reading this will leave you feeling fuzzy a lot like all good fics should.

10) Five kisses by Aethelar

Graves would tell Newt he loved him was interested in pursuing a relationship with him by giving him a kiss. It was classic. It was timeless. It worked in the stories, and if Newt didn’t like it then Graves would emigrate to Australia anyway so that was all fine.

I love how you can have extremely dark Gramander fics and then, on the opposite spectrum, have hilarious gems such as this one. It’s the best 5+1 fic you could ask for, wittily-written and full of lines that’ll have you laughing out loud. Aethelar’s other works are great as well.

BONUS: A Secret Chord by Anonymous

It was Newt’s face—Mercy Lewis, the person was wearing Newt’s face—now looking back at him, lips curved into a smile that wasn’t a smile. “You don’t remember? You were fucking me only hours ago.”

I had to throw this fic in because it was recently posted and it’s been haunting me ever since. Newt has an alternate personality and it’s heart-breaking and poignant. Contains references to past non-con.

You’re Amazing: Raphael  x Reader

WARNING: MILD SWEARING

Requested by: @mentallydestroyedfemme

Hi, uh… Could I request a Raphael x Reader where the reader sings Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen while drawing and they are GOOD at singing like, Pentatonix good, and good at drawing, and the reader suddenly gets all shy when Raph says something, if it isn’t a bother? Please ad thank you for reading my ask!

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I
i heard there was a secret chord / you take pleasure in the small things
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don’t really care for music, do you
/ curious about the opinions of others, so much in fact, that it dictates many of your decisions
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
/ interested in details, in how things are born and inspired; you have probably been a muse to someone in your lifetime, even if you don’t know it
the baffled king composing hallelujah / the things you have created have been on whims of inspiration, on fleeting whispers of revelations

II
well your faith was strong but you needed proof / you question things before committing to them, you are usually cautious but if you do commit you are there for life
you saw her bathing on the roof / you love someone; they come to your mind when hearing this verse
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you / you are easily overwhelmed by beauty and emotion, probably the type of person to cry at movies
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
/the aforementioned person controls you in some way and has hurt you, but you still love them despite their wrongs; you are very forgiving even if you try to be closed off
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah / you have beautiful things hiding inside you that are to be brought out by others

III
baby i’ve been here before
i’ve seen this room and i’ve walked this floor
/ you have experienced a lot in life in terms of emotions and are able to empathize easily
i used to live alone before I knew you / someone or something filled a void in your heart recently, one you didn’t even know was there
i’ve seen your flag on the marble arch / you have loved someone you’ve been jealous of and regret your jealousy
but love is not a victory march / you are aware of harsh realities in life
it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah / someone/thing you once loved has been ruined for you for one reason or another and you are trying to move on

IV
well there was a time when you let me know
what’s really going on below
/ when you are sad or burdened with something, you don’t share, but are always helpful to others when they have problems
but now you never show that to me do you / others wish you would talk to them more about what’s going on in your life instead of being so closed off
but remember when i moved in you / others have fond memories with you that you may or may not remember, but they hope you do
and the holy dove was moving too / you are either religious or spiritual and in touch with the world and people around you
and every breath we drew was hallelujah / the memories you have with others are often sacred to the people involved and have a holy aura about them

V
well, maybe there’s a god above / you are open to new experiences and new ways of thinking, you are not stubbornly stuck in your ways and are very fluid (a good thing!)
but all i’ve ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
/ you’ve been betrayed before
it’s not a cry that you hear at night
it’s not somebody who’s seen the light
/ betrayal is not loud or glamorous and sometimes the person betraying doesn’t even feel guilty, you know the reality that sometimes you have to deal with the quiet burden on your own
it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah / someone/thing you once loved has been ruined for you for one reason or another and you are trying to move on

VI
you say i took the name in vain
i don’t even know the name
/ you are unaware of many of your talents and fail to see what others see in you
but if i did, well really, what’s it to you? / you take other’s opinions with a grain of salt, and you manage to hide it even when they sometimes dig deep
there’s a blaze of light
in every word
/ you are maybe a writer, at least an artist of some kind; the type of person who finds beauty in everything before noticing the bad, or even finds beauty in the bad parts
it doesn’t matter which you heard / a bit of a cynic or nihilist, a trait that doesn’t clash but combines with the above somehow
the holy or the broken hallelujah / you are great at recognizing both the good and bad in the world; basically you are a person of good balance in most aspects of life

VII
i did my best, it wasn’t much / you don’t know your true potential or are not realizing what you are really capable of
i couldn’t feel, so i tried to touch / when you can’t do something, you don’t ever give up and always find a new way to figure it out
i’ve told the truth, i didn’t come to fool you / you are honest
and even though
it all went wrong
/ you are an optimist, even though you find yourself with bad luck sometimes… or most of the time
i’ll stand before the lord of song / you follow something fervently or without question, whether it be a religion, another person, or something you do
with nothing on my tongue but hallelujah / you might be good at meditating? you find it easy to forget or move on, and to clear your head

Gabriel’s Lullaby

gif is not mine

Title: Gabriel’s Lullaby

Pairing: Gabriel x Reader

Word Count: 1,072

Warnings: fluff

A/N: This was requested by anon! I hope you all enjoy this! I love you all so much! <3

When you came home from your latest hunt, Gabriel could tell that you hadn’t been sleeping lately.  He wished that the Winchesters would take some initiative and help you sleep.  It was if he was the only one who seemed to be concerned about how much sleep you were getting.  

Gabriel waited until you were walking towards your room to go after you.  He caught up with you, putting his arm around your shoulders.  “Hey [Y/N],” Gabriel greeted with a smile.  “Have a good hunt?  Kill something?”

“I wouldn’t say it was a bad one,” you shrugged, a yawn escaping your lips.  “Can I tell you something and it just stay between us?”

Gabriel followed you into your room, shutting the door behind him.  “You know you can always talk to me cupcake,” Gabriel assured you.  “What’s troubling you?”

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Not Over Yet: Chapter 18

“Not Over Yet” SNK Modern AU: Two torn ex-lovers grow to rekindle old flames once their paths recross, after nearly six years of learning how to live without each other.

Rating: M // Words: 4k // Pairing: Eren x Mikasa

Chapter Summary: The babies are growing, and much too fast.

A/N: Hello, again. I don’t know what to say. Just… *awkward jazz hands*


Preview Ch 18: The Secret Chord

She came out. Dressed, from head to toe, in the garments of an old ghost. She made the clothes come alive somehow, as if they belonged to her and only her. Her hair was loose and hung limply at her shoulders, the very tips dampened from her bath. The backs of her hands and knuckles and the very tip of her nose were all soft and sort of blushy, and Eren felt as if he was gazing at a stranger. She’d changed too fast, his heart couldn’t keep up with it. Because life had always been harsh with him, stolen his innocence. But Mikasa was still pure. And he wanted so desperately to maintain her, to keep her this way. The unsullied streak of color remaining in his life.

[ FF.net / AO3 ]

Well, I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don’t really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

  Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Baby, I’ve been here before

I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah


Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah


I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool ya
And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah


Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelu
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah


I’m not giving up, and neither should you

—  Kate Mckinnon as Hilary Clinton on SNL
Hallelujah

Pairing: Dean x poc!reader Word Count: 1,504 Warnings: ANGST. mentions of death and suicide. The tiniest bit of fluff. A/N: I will admit one thing. I,Samii Davis,do not angst. Everything I’ve written has been fluff, so this was different. Feedback is welcome. italics are song lyrics, and thoughts



(Y/N’s pov)

Don’t break down. Don’t look back. I repeated the words over and over in my head. The mantra I couldn’t forget. The mantra I wouldn’t forget. I repeated it as I packed my bags. As I set my necklace on his desk. As I said goodbye to the bunker I used to call home. While I walked up the stairs and out the door, I repeated those words.

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anonymous asked:

So a random quote appeared in my head last week, "There's no army on the road to..." and for a moment I couldn't place it because I couldn't remember the city in question. CP came to mind but I was like, "I can't tell where it's from, how can't I tell, I practically know these books by heart" and then I figured it out. Of course it was Single Use Weapon. A clear sign that I need to reread it. Anyway, that was my rambling Monday moment. Thanks for writing it (and congrats on the town house!)

you have no idea how hard this made me grin, because I get lines from my favourite fics stuck in my head ALL THE TIME. and it is particularly gratifying because that particular line is one of the pivot points of the story; I wanted the narrative to land on it hard, like a melody finally collapsing onto a chord (A SECRET CHORD, IN FACT), and in a way that would make the reader want to look up and wriggle their legs and his yesssss.

…I was going to pull the quote and stick it here but it’s kind of a spoiler and I’m insufferably precious about that story, IT MUST BE READ IN ORDER; besides, there’s no satisfaction in hearing the chord without the buildup, is there?

the baffled king composing hallelujah

au in which lukas plays guitar and sings to make philip smile

im not even sorry about the song choice i love that damn song


Sometimes, Philip goes dark. He comes to school carrying weight on his shoulders, death on his lips. It’s on those days that Lukas walks him to class and sits with him at lunch and coaxes him into small conversation.

At first, he had a lot of these days. With everything that happened, no one was surprised.

They’re fewer and far between now, after two months. But when Philip comes out the front door and makes his way down the path to where Lukas sits on his bike, he can see it in his eyes. His hair is messier than normal, and he’s wearing a thin v neck, even though the air is cold.

Lukas immediately gets off his bike, tugs his helmet off, and starts walking it around to the side of Philip’s house. Philip watches silently, lips turned down in a frown.

“What are you doing?” Philip asks, coming over as soon as Lukas has the kickstand down.

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Glee Kadam Fic: It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Kadam Week Prompt II

Kurt sings while he repairs a car, unaware that Adam is watching him. The song referenced in this fic is “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley.


“You’re an angel, saint, and a bag of chips, Kurt.”

Smiling broadly, Kurt waved him off as he set his toolbox down on the curb.

“Not a problem, Silo. It’s not like the Apples don’t make you drive everyone’s props and costumes over time and creation.”

“Damn straight.”

“Damn not-straight.” The two young men chuckled. Kurt looked under the popped hood and hummed thoughtfully.

“I still think this will be an easy enough fix. But I’m glad you waited to visit a mechanic here in the city— they’d charge you three times the amount my dad would. And what’s worse is that more likely than not they wouldn’t even do a great job—enough to get you going, but poorly enough to have you crawling back.”

“That’s evil,” Silo said wonderingly, giving the engine a baffled look.  

“That’s business,” Kurt said briskly, rolling up his sleeves. “If you give me…maybe a little over or under an hour, I can have it fixed.”

“How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.”

“What? No,” Silo protested immediately, looking panicked. “Kurt, it’s a car repair. I have to pay you a little.”

“You’re a broke-ass art student,” Kurt chided, though his eyes were glinting with gentle amusement. “Whom we more or less force to carry all of our crap around at all these events like a packhorse. I won’t charge you.”

When Silo hesitated again, Kurt asked, “Buuuut if you want to pay me back, would you mind covering for Adam and lead the next AA meeting?”

“Hello everyone. I’m Silo,” said Silo in a deadpan tone.

“Hi Silo.”

They both burst out laughing and Adam couldn’t help but smile ruefully himself from where he watched several feet away. The initials for Adam’s Apples were admittedly a little unfortunate.

Kurt wiped his eyes. “He’s got finals soon and judging by how hard he’s been working, seems to be attempting suicide by-proxy. If you could lead a meeting or two, I can’t tell you how much I’d appreciate it.”

Silo grinned and gave him a thumbs-up, looking profoundly relieved. “Of course. I was going to offer anyway since I just finished for the semester.” His smile broadened and he briefly looked away, cheeks pinking just a bit. “Tori told me how you brought back her baby Michelle back from the dead. I don’t know if you can save Perry—“

“I promise you Perry is in good hands. By the way, is Perry a boy or girl car?”

“Oh, definitely a boy. I only ever ride men.” Silo started chuckling when Kurt looked away, visibly blushing. Shaking his head, Silo said wonderingly, “Geez, Adam is lucky to have you. He found himself a man whom can service a car and belt a high e. Any chance you have a brother?”

Adam winced a bit at that, nearly dropping two coffees. Kurt did not turn, so he could not guess the younger’s man’s expression.

“Thanks Si. Did you need to be going?”

Silo immediately checked his watch and started.

“Crap, my shift starts in ten. If there’s any problem—“

“There won’t be—“

“—just call and let me know. And bring over Adam tonight before closing; I’m happy to give you guys cheap food and booze under the bar.”

Adam thought he could hear Kurt smile faintly. “Sounds good to me. Have a good shift.”

Silo waved as he raced off around the corner. Kurt watched him go, and then got to work over the beloved rustbucket the apples teasingly referred to as the apple automobile. Adam watched him for a few long moments, knowing he was being stupid and yet thoroughly enjoying watching Kurt in an element that seemed every bit as natural to him as Apple rehearsal. He remained quiet, not wanting to make his boyfriend self-conscious.

It wasn’t long before Kurt started singing (it never was) as he worked, voice and his hands exceedingly gentle. Adam continued watching him, brow furrowing as he recognized the tune, which was un-Kurtlike to a near extreme:

“Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah….”

Kurt scrubbed at his eyes with his upper forearm. Were the car fumes stinging him? His voice dropped softly as he sang the refrain.

Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.”

Several long moments passed as Kurt continued singing. And to Adam’s surprise Kurt’s voice was reaching a painfully soft, piercing register he’d only ever heard his boyfriend reach a few times before—such as his debut at the NYADA winter showcase. Adam’s throat tightened, mouth drying as it had that night, when Kurt threw his heart at the audience’s feet.

“Baby I’ve been here before
I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
And I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallel—“

Kurt’s normally strong voice abruptly cut off. His back stiffened, and he stooped over the engine, immobile for a long moment.

Hallelujah.” Now his voice was thick with tears, and the beautiful word sounded as torn as if it were cutting the beautiful boy’s throat on its way out: “Hallelujah. Hallelujah.”

Adam hastily set the coffees on the curb and hurried to Kurt’s side, arms closing around his waist just as Kurt let out the last, near-inaudible “Hallelujah.” He jolted violently at Adam’s touch and hastily stepped away, entire body radiating tension. Adam’s heart ached when he remembered Kurt telling him about people whom flung him into lockers or attempted to toss him down a flight of steps—had he thought…?

“Dahling?” Kurt’s eyes were red, and he abashedly wiped them on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

He immediately stooped and pressed a hot coffee into Kurt’s grease-stained hands. A peace offering. Kurt looked at him with a watery smile, and then sighed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see…”

“You sounded lovely,” Adam insisted, catching a stray tear with a fingertip. “But you look so sad. I don’t—“

Kurt turned to look at the car again, expression inscrutable.

“The first time people came into my dad’s shop, and I would tell them I’d be fixing their car, they always looked a little freaked out.” He snorted inaudibly and pressed a hand against the car’s side. “That this…fairy boy in bedazzled overalls was going to be working on their baby.”

Adam kissed Kurt’s cheek. “Joke’s on them, dahling. They didn’t even know how to take care of their own cars. And no one could see you resurrect a car and call you a fairy.”

A fae, maybe. You could call Kurt a fae.

“They didn’t,” Kurt complained, smiling fondly when Adam kissed him again, embraced him. He set the coffee down. “Hey, I don’t want to cover you in car oil.”

“I don’t care. If Kurt Hummel is wearing car oil, it’ll be de rigeur by Fall.”

Kurt hesitated and then hugged him back, lips tracing over Adam’s neck pulse.

“When Finn came to work in my father’s shop, he didn’t seem surprised that I knew my way around an engine, though all the guys in Glee did.” Adam tensed and hugged him tighter. “I mean…you know we had problems, but he compensated by playing up the older brother role to a t.” He snorted again, tears dripping on Adam’s shoulder. “Never mind he was maybe two months older than me. He was really eager to learn everything in the shop…he was pretty good at it.”

Kurt only hugged him for a long moment, a near-wailing sadness emanating off him in waves. Adam desperately wished he knew what to say, but everything that came to mind sounded like a cheap platitude in the face of so awful a tragedy, so much life and promise cut short so early.

“The last time we were together, when we found out Dad’s cancer was gone…and Blaine tried asking me to marry him…Finn read him the riot act. He was so furious that Blaine asked all these people to help propose to me in public even when we weren’t together.” A shuddery laugh and Kurt shook his head. “I thought Blaine was going to wet himself, I really did. And the way he got after the other Glee members was actually pretty nice…it felt good to have someone supporting me for a change.”

“Whatever it’s worth,” Adam said seriously, pulling away from Kurt to look at him. “I am always in your corner.”

Kurt’s eyes narrowed at the ends as he smiled, and Adam’s mouth went dry again.

“Thank goodness for that. I know he was uncertain about you the first time you met judging the way he kept giving you the side-eye, but you passed. When we left, he told me he was happy for me.” Kurt exhaled, squinting into the pale light of a chilly spring sky. “And that you were a good guy.”

“He threatened to break my face if I broke your heart.”

“Oh God.” Kurt buried his face in his hands and Adam laughed. “That does sound like him…

“The night before you and I returned to New York, he and I worked on a car together.” Kurt lowered his hands and closed his eyes, somehow managing to look very old and painfully young all at once. “It’d been a long time, and it was nice. We even started singing together—Hallelujah.”

Adam reached for him again, and again remained silent. He was floundering helplessly inside, deciding at last that the only nearly-appropriate thing to do was to stay silent, bear witness, and to hold onto Kurt for dear life.

Kurt squeezed him back hard. “I like the challenge of finding what’s broken and fixing it. I even like the smell of car oil. I think Finn liked those things too…I’m never going to be able to work on a car without thinking about him.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s…it’s not okay, exactly, but I’ll take this hurt for having known him.” Still Kurt did not pull back and he did not let go. “But every now and again, when I think I’m closer to fine, something dumb like this—or when I go grocery shopping for Ben & Jerry’s and I gag at that Late Night Snack flavor he liked so much…” Kurt’s hands tangled in his own.

“The other day I realized that his birthday was coming soon and I started looking stuff up online. And then I remembered. My mother is dead. My brother is dead.”

Looking pained, Adam pulled back to kiss Kurt’s tearing eyes, his fingers cupping the younger boy’s pale face. They looked at each for several long moments, Kurt managing a half-hearted smile.

“You’re staring. Do I have grease on my cheek?”

“Yes.” Said Adam, before leaning in for a kiss.

It was long, and hard, and their faces were slippery from tears, some of which were Adam’s. He had liked Finn Hudson very much, looked forward to a long friendship with him.

Thought they would possibly be brothers-in-law one day.

But that would never be, and Kurt was again holding his heart’s pieces in his hands, and not for the first nor last time he felt a rush of gratitude that Burt Hummel at least still lived, because how many fractures could even Kurt’s impossibly-strong heart have left in him?

Kurt let out a soft noise of surprise when Adam pulled back to press his swollen lips against Kurt’s hands.

If he died right now he might be happy, save for the fact that he’d hurt Kurt on the way out….how much Adam would like Kurt’s to have proficiency to fix things, to be able to open Kurt himself up and fix the staccato jerks of a broken heart. But of course that was impossible too, and as he tucked Kurt’s head beneath his chin he felt a wild surge of gratitude that Kurt was still here, that the grief that would topple older and wiser men had not poisoned Kurt’s insides. Awed, he ran a hand up and down Kurt’s back.

Despite what had become of them, Elizabeth and Finn could not have died unhappy, not in having the love of someone so precious and remarkable a person. Adam’s heart gently broke a little more, and he tenderly placed his lips to Kurt’s ear, singing what he thought Finn might’ve sang on his death throes:

“Hallelujah. Hallelujah.  Hallelujah.  Hallelujah….”