someday i’ll have to tell my next boyfriend, about my first love, how we met on the city bus when i was 15 and so harmed from the world that you saved me in a way at the time i could not describe. ill have to tell him about how you broke my bones and crushed my heart and ruined my mind, i’ll have to tell him how even after you left me, you were all i loved for a long while, ill have to explain to him how it never ever worked out with any other guy but you, because you were the only person i ever loved. its like you taught me how to love but only for you and no else. ill have to tell him how you left me without ever saying goodbye, you never broke up with me and left me in silence. so even to this day i dont know what fucking happened. one day ill have to tell my daughter about you, when she starts crying about a boy who broke her heart and all ill be able to tell her is about fucking you because you were the first person that was ever able to love me and kill me at the same time. i’ll have to explain to her that someone hurt me in a way that the pain wasn’t like when you peel off a band-aid, a two second sting it was more like the pain of as if someone was to run me over with their car. usually when someone walks out of your life eventually you get over it and try to move on and forget but holy fuck with you it’s like you’ve been here forever and never left my mind, you tattooed your name in my veins and left all our memories in my brain. there was no way of getting rid of you. months later i wasn’t able to move on and still to this day somehow somewhere ill need to explain to her that you still cross my mind at least once a day maybe not for the same reasons but you are still there, and you never ever get over your first, because heartbreak is like falling off your bicycle, the first time it really hurts and you remember it, but after that it hurts less because you learn how to stop the pain and how to land when you fall and you won’t remember the ones that come after the very first.
ill have to explain how you never left my mind and how i still love you even though i haven’t seen you in forever