sooo~~~ this is my part of my collab thingy with philslesters basically crying over this post 
if there could be a video of these three someday i will shed actual tears tbh

please do not repost or remove my caption, thanks!! <3

Kip Kinkel with one .22 caliber bullet and one .9mm bullet underneath taped to his chest. When asked why he replied he taped them there incase he ran out of ammunition, he wanted to have one of each in witch to reload and kill himself.

I’m a bit preemptive on this, but AYYY thatsthat24​!!!
I heard from a little birdie that your birthday is on the 25th, so of course I wanted to make you a gift (though this is only PART ONE, as I’m still working on the second half what who said that). But yeah anyway, happy early early birthday! Thank you for being such an amazing, inspiring, positive human being – I hope the universe gives back thrice as much love and joy that you’ve given all of us~ <3

Kip Kinkel’s Hallucinations and Delusions

Kip reported that he began hearing voices when he was in sixth grade. The first time he heard a voice it told him, ‘You need to kill everyone, everyone in the world.’ It also told him, ‘You are a stupid piece of shit. You are’t worth anything.’ Thus, from the onset of his psychosis, Kip heard voices that urged him toward both homicide and suicide.

When asked where the voices came from, Kip had a couple of ideas. One idea was that he was hearing the devil. Another, was that the government might have put a computer chip in his head, with satellites transmitting messages to the chip.

Kip went on the describe three different voices: A, B and C. The ‘A voice’ was loud and authoritarian and told him what to do. The ‘B voice’ made derogatory statements to him. The ‘C voice’ repeated what the other two said or commentated on them. Sometimes he heard the voices talking to each other about him. Kip tried a variety of things to make the voices stop, including exercise, watching television, and punching himself in the head. After he was arrested and was giving his confession, he cried out about the voices and began banging his head against the wall.

Less than a month before the attack, Kip yelled in class, ‘God damn this voice inside my head.’ He was cited for misbehaviour, and a disciplinary form that quoted his outburst was sent home and signed by his mother. When his teacher asked Kip if he was really hearing voices, Kip denied it. He was painfully aware that being ‘crazy’ would lead to ostracism at school and be a major disappointment to his parents. Thus, his fear of being labelled as crazy prevented him from getting the help he desperately needed.

Kip’s delusions included paranoia that China was going to invade the US. In preparation for this, Kip had built bombs and stockpiled guns. Kip said about China: ‘They are so huge. They have nuclear weapons. Seemed like I would end up fighting them. I had lots of fantasies about fighting the Chinese.’ Another of Kip’s obsessions was his fear that the world was about to experience a plague. He feared the end of the world and the falling apart of society. He wanted to build a bomb shelter and accumulate food and supplies. Kip also believed that Disney was taking over the world and would replace the American dollar with the Disney dollar, featuring a picture of Mickey Mouse. In talking about Disney, Kip told Dr Bolstad, ‘No one of average intelligence sees it with Disney. You have to be smarter.’

Kip had other delusions. He said that sex criminals had chips put in them. He seemed to think that the television show The X Files indicated that the government was experimenting with putting chips in people. He said the chips could produce voices, adding, ‘Maybe that’s the way they’re controlling me.’ After the attack, Kip continued to be paranoid. Dr William Sack, a psychiatrist who worked with Kip in prison, reported that Kip thought visitors might have cameras in their glasses. He was also afraid his medication might be poisoned.

Besides auditory hallucinations, Kip may have also experiences visual ones. He told strange stories about a man who allegedly lived nearby and drove a car with bullet holes in it. Kip was so afraid of him that he said he bought a stolen gun because he needed protection in case the man came after him. It is not clear if Kip was paranoid about a real man who lived nearby, or if he was having visual hallucinations.

Adapted from ‘Why Kids Kill’ by Peter Langman