the-office-(us)

  • Draco Malfoy: I wanted to talk to you about our classmate relationship this year. It’s going to be terrible.
  • Harry Potter: Not necessarily.
  • Draco: No, I’m going to make sure that it is. And if it isn’t, I’m going to take immediate action to rectify that. Now, I don’t like to throw around the b-word, but I’m going to be a huge bitch to you.

the worst thing about having died and come out of it with a list of related medical issues as long as my arm isn’t the nightmares or flashbacks or weird triggers or medication or scars or consistent pain, it’s being on the phone with cardiologists and trying to explain to them that I JUST WANT MY ROBOT PARTS READ BY A TECHNICIAN, I don’t want you poking around my body trying to doctor me, I am an unsolvable enigma and you’re going to end up charging me $300 pre-insurance for a glorified feel-up.

bring the robot man to read my heart and stay away from me with your expensive stethoscope

skeletonfreckles  asked:

im a porn bot

screencapped and emailed to my lawyer. She will have filed charges by tomorrow afternoon. By law We must allow you 48 hours to remove the offending material. If not, you will be charged with defamation of character, libel, and criminal mischief, all misdemeanors. You will face a judge trial.

Don’t think you won’t be found either. That email with the cap also includes your Dox, which will not be shared publicly. I’ve also forwarded this material to the local FBI field office. They take false accusations of pedophilia VERY seriously. Especially when your uncle is a high ranking Homicide Detective with good friends in the FBI, the US Marshals Office, and the NSA.

  • JIM: I'm just saying that you can't be sure that it wasn't you.
  • DWIGHT: That's ridiculous. Of course it wasn't me.
  • JIM: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember.
  • DWIGHT: I would remember.
  • JIM: Well, how could you if it just erased your memory?
  • DWIGHT: That's not how it works.
  • JIM: Now, how do you know how it works?
  • DWIGHT: Knock it off, okay? I'm interviewing you.
  • JIM: No! You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke?

Do u think J’onn ever tried to make Alex and Maggie sign forms from Pam in HR, now that Maggie seems to be the unffocial NCPD liaison to the DEO and everything?

Maggie: Don’t worry, I already have all my forms signed. *reaches into pocket*

J’onn: Detective Sawyer, I swear if you pull out that paper with “I can do whatever I want” written on it again, I will lock you out of the DEO headquarters.

Maggie: *slowly takes hand back out of pocket* I do not have my forms signed.

“You know sometimes, to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star incredibly far away. And, our problems don’t matter to him, because we’re just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me, because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face.” - Michael G. Scott