the-major-hellsing

“Gentlemen. Operation Bait Van Winkle is a resounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little… ‘Surprise.’ However, before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like war. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not like war. I. LOVE. war. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, und you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. Class war. You make it to work, und you find out that the annual drug test is today. Und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago with your wife’s awful parents. Drug war. But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black und Hispanic co-workers. Race war. Then, you try to post about it on your Facebook, but then all your friends start arguing about what’s right and what’s wrong. Flame war. You finally get home, und you decide to relax by watching a program about: ‘Who get’s the box?’ ‘What’s in the box?’ ‘How much is what’s in the box worth?’ Storage Wars. What I am telling you, my Nazi army of 1,000 vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. Und with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars… Und certainly, no Cold Wars! 

…Blueballed for 40 years 

What I want is a war that only we can bring. A true war! A German war! The sequel you’ve all been waiting for! I! WANT! WORLD! WAR!! THREE!!!" 

-The Major, “Hellsing Ultimate Abridged”

Reasons to love Hellsing Ultimate
  • All the best characters have glasses
  • Lots of characters have glasses, not just the “one nerdy person”
  • The Major is a Nazi, but not a cliched Hitler rip-off.
  • The series does not try to make humans look horrible, but rather shows what makes humanity great…even the vampire thinks humans are superior to vampires.
  • They managed to make a Nazi cat-boy meow in a menacing manner
  • This is one of the few English dubs that is actually better than the original Japanese.
  • No, seriously, I did a lot of comparing. The English writing and acting are both better.
  • Suddenly Priests are freaking Bada**
  • The Major ives really great speeches…even if they are about his love of war and destruction.
  • Integra is a strong woman who is not sexualized in any way. Heck, she could kick everyone’s butt.
  • Seras can switch between being terrifying to being adorable.
  • FEELS.
Hellsing Headcanon Time!!!: Water park
  • Who doesn't love a water park? A lot of people actually. That's exactly why our pals at Hellsing, millennium and Iscariot are there!
  • Alucard: he took on his female form and is working it! Sadly he got a headache and went home.
  • Integra: if you suggest that she get into a swim suit you will be shot. Repeatedly.
  • Seras: all the rides. All the men are staring.
  • Walter: lazy river. Bless this fucking place.
  • Pip: he is among the perverts looking at Seras. They go on rides together.
  • Anderson: "have you people no shame?"
  • Maxwell: read the above.
  • Heinkel and Yumie: making the tallest ride in the park their bitch.
  • The major: snack bar
  • Schrödinger: lounging in the sun.
  • Captain: with the cat boy.

I ended up turning this into headcanons instead, even though this was WAY long ago (which I apologize for dear), which is also why I’ll allow it to pass the headcanon limit.

Headcanons: Guilty Pleasures - Males of Hellsing + Millennium + Iscariot

Alucard

He really likes hair, oddly enough. Seras is the only one to know about it and she lets him play with her hair. He secretly really admires Integra’s hair too.

Pip

Yours is better than I could ever come up with! He actually likes chick flicks and a lot of them make him cry. If he ever watched one with Seras, he’d quickly run to the bathroom when the water-works began.

Walter

Hip-hop and R&B music. He originally thought it was nonsense and not music at all, but it grew on him. However, he’s supposed to be known as an “English gentlemen” so he tries to hide it. Alucard know though ~

The Major

He loves to paint, especially landscapes. It relaxes him immensely. He tries to hide it since he thinks it’s not very intimidating, but if anyone were to ever find out, he’d shrug and not care.

The Doctor

Secretly loves musicals and would sometimes join Rip in watching some, though has her keep it a secret since he worries it’ll destroy his reputation as an evil doctor and all.

The Captain

I’m not sure the Captain has one actually. He only ever trains and watches over the Major. Plus, he’s not one to get embarrassed easily.

Schrodinger

His love of string. He actually doesn’t want to be seen entirely as a cat, but when there is yarn around, he gets distracted rather easily. Also, laser pointers.

Jan

Kids. Jan has the weirdest soft spot for little kids and tends to try and not hurt them directly if he’s able, though he never allows it to interfere with his “work.”

Luke

Maybe not all that guilty, but he really doesn’t want others to know (especially Jan) is his obsession with his hair and keeping it clean with the right shampoo. And it HAS to be the right brand or otherwise he’ll throw a silent hissy-fit.

Tubalcain

Pop music like Ke$ha or Brittney Spears - it’s rather non-masculine, especially how he’ll bop his head around in the car while he drives.

Enrico

Sweets. He would like everyone to think he has complete self-control, even over his appetites. However, he’ll go so far as to steal from the Iscariot kitchen (is that a thing?) - anything sugary goes.

Anderson

Christmas movies. Unlike the others, he’ll force others to view them with him, and they’ll comply since he doesn’t ask for much, but his enthusiasm for every Christmas movie, even the kids ones, is almost ridiculous.

Heinkel

Shoes. They care a lot for what their shoes are like and actually has a whole closet full of different shoes, even ones that they never wear.

(I hope that works for you - I hope I was able to keep them all in character)

Hellsing Headcanon Time!!!: Internet
  • A computer is placed in front of them. Lights camera action!
  • Alucard: "you humans and your technology... Let's see what we have here... *many hours pass* Master I purchased you a Victorian dress I believe would suit you from a place called eBay. it will arrive shortly"
  • Integra: "everyone is a fucking idiot"
  • Seras: "time to update my blog! Oh my god, Walter, LOOK at this cat vine!!"
  • Walter: "I already know how to use this. A gentlemen must keep up with the times of course! Is that a cat video, Miss Victoria?"
  • Pip: *censored*
  • Anderson: "The Crimson Fuker has poked you 666 times..." *impales computer*
  • The major: "Dok look at this! This is fantastic! It shows me all the pain and suffering in the world!"

Why of course!

GIF Request: Reunion with Lover: Hellsing + Millennium

Alucard

He is not one to make a big deal, no matter how long he and his partner have been separated. His affection will instead show in private or while his partner is unable to react, in which he will look at them tenderly or run his fingers through their hair.

Integra

At first, she will remain calm and collected. However, when she was in front of her partner, her composure would fade and she would throw her arms around them, a soft smile on her lips as she held them tight.

Seras

She would be angry at first, screaming how they were gone for so long and she had no idea if they were even alive any more. Then, the embrace would happen, most likely brought on by her partner, as tears streamed down her face.

Pip

He would approach his long-lost love casually, remarking how he knew that they thought he would never return. They would run to him and he would catch them, playfully teasing them about their lack of faith in him.

Walter

Though no one would have known, the separation had a huge impact on Walter, and he went through a severe mourning process when you left. However, when you were in his arms again, he squeezed you hard, wanting to make sure you were real.

Major

He would use all of his strength to sweep you up, eliciting a giggle from you. He would exclaim his happiness for all to hear as he held his most beloved in his arms once more.

Doctor

It would definitely be a classic run-into-each-others’-arms deal, only going in slow motion in their heads. He would wrap them in his arms, not wanting to let go of you ever again.

Captain

The two of you would stand a bit apart, tears forming in your eyes as you looked at him from a distance, disbelieving what you were seeing. When you finally cried out his name, he would run, fast as he could, to hold you.

Zorin

While her partner would be ecstatic, should act indifferent, never allowing her joy to show through after being away for so long. She would hold them, probably not realizing how long she’d been holding them.

Schrodinger

A reunion with Schrodinger would be playful. He would lift his partner into the air, twirling them around as he laughed and shouted how much he missed them.

Rip

Her joy would be immense. She would want to dance with you before ever allowing you to hold her. She would quote every romantic line she knew before you shut her up with a kiss.

Luke

He would find you, wanting to surprise you with his return, before appearing behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. At first, you didn’t know who he was, until he spoke your name, causing you to smile and turn to rest your head against his chest.

Jan

He would act like it was nothing, allowing his partner to run to him, probably tease them on how he didn’t recognize them. He did miss them, but his pride wasn’t going to allow them to know that.

Tubalcain

He would want to touch every part of his partner, especially their face, when they back together. He wanted to remind himself of everything the two of you had, and somehow memorize it.

Hellsing Headcanon Time!!!: amusement park
  • Through the magic of me being the one writing this shit our favorite monsters that kill the other monster are at the amusement park. How are they doing, what are they doing?
  • Alucard: lurks in the shadows of the haunted house. Integra assumed he went home but no he's frightening hipsters. Only the hipsters.
  • Integra: I guess I could go on a ride or two. The Ferris wheel might be nice.
  • Seras: look a petting zoo! Roller coaster! Walter that ride goes upside down, let's go!
  • Walter: (what he says) I'm not sure I'm one for thrill rides Miss Victoria... (What he's thinking) "fuuuuuuucccckkkk yesssssss"
  • Pip: apparently this place has laser tag. He has not been seen since.
  • Anderson: "heathens, all of them. I'm going to pet the animals"
  • Major: Dok this place might be too much fun to blow up...just kidding!
  • Dok: what mad science created a deep fried Twinkie. I'll take 10.
  • Zorin: was not invited cause they suck
  • Heinkel and Yumie: *have been on the big roller coaster 20 times already and are showing no signs of slowing down. Part hard*
  • Maxwell: "Anderson do not touch the heathen animals!"
  • Captain: *totally not the dog in the petting zoo*