“Gentlemen. Operation Bait Van Winkle is a resounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little… ‘Surprise.’ However, before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like war. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not like war. I. LOVE. war. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, und you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. Class war. You make it to work, und you find out that the annual drug test is today. Und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago with your wife’s awful parents. Drug war. But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black und Hispanic co-workers. Race war. Then, you try to post about it on your Facebook, but then all your friends start arguing about what’s right and what’s wrong. Flame war. You finally get home, und you decide to relax by watching a program about: ‘Who get’s the box?’ ‘What’s in the box?’ ‘How much is what’s in the box worth?’ Storage Wars. What I am telling you, my Nazi army of 1,000 vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. Und with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars… Und certainly, no Cold Wars!
…Blueballed for 40 years
What I want is a war that only we can bring. A true war! A German war! The sequel you’ve all been waiting for! I! WANT! WORLD! WAR!! THREE!!!"
-The Major, “Hellsing Ultimate Abridged”