the-lorax-movie

oncest only existed because y’all weren’t brave enough to ship the onceler with the lorax

anonymous asked:

I guess the long answer, cause I'm pretty curious

alright. let me take you back, anon. let me take you back to a time that was nearly precisely 5 years ago - back to March 2nd, 2012. on this date, the movie The Lorax came out. it was an adaptation of the classic dr. suess story, albeit with heavy creative liberties taken and an arguably much less poignant environmental message.

but that’s not what you need to know.

what you need to know is, the main character of the original book, the Once-ler, was given a face in this movie - the face of a young, skinny, baby-faced man with the voice of Ed Helms.

for reasons still unknown to me, the internet at the time developed an incredibly deep and immediate fixation on him - most likely due to his nonthreatening, attractive appearance and voice. a fandom began to develop around the movie, but most specifically, around this character. the most prevalent place of operation this fandom took to was tumblr, in the wake of the rapidly receding superwholock fandom.

as with most fandoms comprised of sexually frustrated teenage girls, there was a heavy emphasis on shipping. however, this movie’s main cast aside from the once-ler were either vaguely off-putting, too young, or had absolutely no interaction with the object of their desires - the once-ler. their solution to this was the most surreal and bizarre fandom uroboros that many innocent souls have ever witnessed.

they started shipping him with himself.

later in the movie, the once-ler adopts this appearance while singing the only significant musical number from this movie, How Bad Can I Be? and undergoes a pretty striking character shift as he’s blinded by his own greed. hence, the fandom began to view this green suit-wearing once-ler as a completely separate entity than the previous, innocent, vest-wearing once-ler. they subsequently dubbed this double as The Greed-ler.

past that, things began to spiral quickly and violently out of control.

how many different ways are there to cook an egg? you can ponder on this for a very, very long time - but eventually, you’ll just get bored of the taste of eggs. how many different ways are there to ship someone with themselves? if you ask the once-ler fandom, they wouldn’t be able to tell you. because they tried literally every way imaginable.

there were high school AUs. there were wolf AUs. there were countless different ways to ship this character with his own self, in every single way you could possibly stretch it, to the point of absolute unrecognizability from the source material.

and even that became tiring.

they began to ship individual body parts with each other. they began to ship articles of clothing. there were RP blogs for each and every single AU and scenario, and then some. there was an RP blog dedicated to playing AS the once-ler’s semen.

here is a list on the once-ler fandom fucking wiki of but a fraction of the number of once-ler ask/rp blogs there were. it’s endless.

for a time, the blue hellsite was the green hellsite. the green man was inescapable. after a time, it eventually faded and died down over the course of these 5 long years - active once-ler blogs are now considered cryptids. rightfully so.

the idea of shipping junkrat skins with each other is a disturbing echo of the hellish period that was once-ler fandom. best we nip it in the bud now before we enter a new era.

then again, we’ll never reach heights like this again, right? we could never even come close to doing this all over again…

how bad can we possibly be?

some nice romance free keith and shiro headcanons

  • shiro was an avid couponer pre-kerberos and used to just give keith sandwich bags full of coupons to use “it’s a 7 boxes for three dollars special on hamburger helper” “shiro i hate hamburger helper”
  • keith is constantly constantly turning the light off when he leaves a room even though shiro is still in there
  • keith and shiro have lots of inside jokes because they knew each other pre-voltron 
  • they have a secret handshake but it’s really embarrassing and keith hates doing it - “you were stranded on an alien ship for a year how do you even remember this”
  • the only person allowed to touch keith’s hair is shiro when he does his patented dad hair ruffle™ 
  • shiro frequently and very loudly expresses his disapproval of keith living in a desert shack alone for a year- “you know because if you live in the desert by yourself like someone i know you might get stung by a scorpion and die like an asshole ” “just say my name shiro everyone knows you’re talking about me”
  • alien: insults shiro - keith: say that again you fucking punk i’ll rip your intestines out so what if you’re 9 feet tall and have laser eyes  - shiro: carrying keith away while keith continues to talk shit
  • shiro feels really shitty a lot of the time but he’s always trying to keep it together, keith knows better so he reminds shiro to get some rest and to eat and stuff 
  • shiro: i didn’t raise you to be this petty keith: actually you did
  • keith is constantly making jokes about not having a family and being an orphan because he Doesn’t Care but he lives for shiro’s scandalized expression
  • when shiro is really mad he calls keith by his first and last name and it instills fear into keith’s very bones
  • keith: roasts someone out of the blue shiro: i apologize on behalf of my son
  • keith is naturally a loner so the other paladins have fun a lot without him and shiro is always trying to get him to join them because he’s a really nice kid and he wants to see him be happy with friends
  • shiro is the only person who 100% knows about keith being autistic and he checks in with him to make sure he’s not overstimulated or on the verge of a meltdown/shutdown
  • shiro has blackmail on keith for embarrassing things he’s done 
  • one of the embarrassing things is crying at the lorax movie 
  • this is his secret weapon but keith never gives him a reason to use it
  • shiro goes out and yells at the others if they’re being too loud and he notices keith getting agitated 
  • shiro tried to do that thing with keith where you put cucumbers on your eyes to decrease puffiness but keith just. ate the cucumber slices.
  • *a really stressful day on the ship* keith: in a bad mood shiro: hands keith a snickers shiro: you’re not you when you’re hungry
  • sometimes when shiro is having a really bad day keith will hug him and he’s really bad at it it’s like having a suitcase placed on your back and it cheers shiro up because he knows keith doesn’t like hugging people or being Soft but he’s trying to make him feel better and shiro appreciates that
  • shiro: hey i saw you smile at lance earlier and-  keith: not. another. word.
  • sometimes keith falls asleep on the couch and shiro picks him up and brings him to his bed and tucks him in
  • shiro keeps trying to teach keith japanese and keith is like “for the last time no i have enough trouble with english” bonus: keith eventually picks up on a few phrases and says them without warning and it makes shiro So Happy
  • when someone says something ridiculous they give each other the Are You Fucking Serious stare
  • “you’re not my dad!” *dramatic gasp* “why did you all do that he’s literally not my dad.”
  • they play checkers a lot
  • keith: shiro i know bigfoot is real i know it shiro: i know buddy
  • shiro, putting a hand on each of keith’s shoulders: calm  
  • shiro: tells a joke keith: haha oh shiro you’re so funny someone else: tells the same joke keith: that was the worst joke i’ve ever heard
  • shiro tries to tell the group jokes and keith always ruins it because he calls out the punchline before anyone else has a chance because he’s heard him tell those jokes so many times
  • keith is constantly revealing minorly embarrassing things about shiro to the others - ”did you guys know shiro loves the song “never gonna give you up” - ”one time shiro bought ten pairs of crocs” - ”one time shiro literally slipped on a banana peel” - ”shiro knows every word of the hannah montana pilot” 
  • keith loves cats and back at the garrison shiro finds keith with like. 9 cats one day bc apparently they’re all his Children and he feeds them secretly and keith is like :0 bc he’s petting like all of the cats at once and shiro has Discovered him and they’re named things like mocha and tetris
  • every time keith backtalks shiro shiro goes “i can’t believe you’re doing this to the guy who brought you to see three days grace four times”
  • keith: kicks an alien’s ass  shiro internally: they grow up so fast
  • they argue a lot because shiro was raised to not wear shoes in the house and keith just. sleeps with his shoes on like a barbarian
  • shiro firmly believes hotdogs are sandwiches and it makes keith so mad one time shiro said that and he just got in his lion and left

this background character in the lorax movie looks like someone had to draw pearl from steven universe but their only reference was their pearl character from unmodded sims 2

also i think yall fail to remember what made the ‘onceler’ thing such a ridiculous disaster to begin with: the problem wasnt ‘teenage girls like him’, the problem was that there wasnt any fandom for the thing he was FROM to begin with- it was all centered around the singular character with no real personality. The Lorax movie was completely forgettable at best, with the apparent exception of the Onceler’s design. This whole nonsense lead to au upon au and selfcest shipping and taking ridiculous minor things and turning them into ask and rp blogs because there was nobody in that movie that fans could ship him with that wouldn’t ultimately either be pedophilic or zoophilic.

Sans, the other widely-cited example of this (who is ultimately actually zero percent similar to the onceler aesthetically or personalitywise. hmmm its almost like a character doesnt necessarily have to fit an archetype to accidentally make a fandom go absolutely wild) has been driven into the ground with AUs and ships and weird porn, but ultimately, Undertale is still a REALLY good game, and there’s still a fandom separate of the Sans nonsense that’s there to hold it up- if there wasn’t an Undertale fandom, there likely wouldn’t be NEARLY as much of a following for Sans.

The problem you guys are hysterically projecting onto any tall, well-dressed figure is ‘frighteningly strong adoration without anything to back it up’, but nothing quite like the Onceler Fandom has EVER happened since. There’s been adoration of particular characters, but nothing quite as extreme as that, and there’s always been an actual fandom of the thing the character was from behind it, so it wasn’t completely out of the blue or uncontrollable.

My point? Calm the hell down, there’s bigger problems out there than People Liking A Character A Lot.

headcanon that after jared starts going around and calling him the lorax, evan goes out and memorizes the entire soundtrack to the lorax movie and blasts it in the car and belts along with the music whenever jared drives him places.